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[11 May 2004|04:37pm] |
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Shopping Carts... |
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I've been kinda down lately... thinking a lot.
For a while I was thinking that I was trying to find something wrong with Derek b/c I was/am scared to be happy. Now that I haven't hung out with him in about a week... I've had time to think a lot about my real feelings for him. I really like this boy... there are a million things about him that I adore.... but there is one thing that I'm just not sure if I can look past. His drinking. It's my gut instinct that he has an issue with quanity and frequency. I find myself now not wanting to spend time with him if I know he's been drinking. That's not a good sign of a begining relationship.
I want to talk to him about it... but I'm scared that he is going to think I am trying to change him as a person... and I'm not. I want him to know that I adore so many things about him but there is one thing that I do not... and that I'm not sure if I can deal with, not again.
I talked w/ Jan from work about it and what she felt I should/could do about the situation. Basically she says that its a big decision to make b/c his drinking will impact the possible relationship and it may bring me down. That's not what I want. So I really have to think about things.
And now... whats playing into things is that I'm scared to settle down... I want to keep my options open. There is someone else that I might possibly be interested in.... Marie's son Brandon has been calling me lately. Usually when he's drunk. The other night however... we had a 2 hour convo and he asked me if I'd ever want to hang out with him. I told him sure but that I am seeing someone right now... not exclusivly but that there is someone else out there. Hes called me a few times sober and last night he asked me if I wanted to meet him and a few friends at a bar by his house today. I might but I also might hang out with Derek....
When I first met Brandon his friend Mike was interested in me but I didn't care to talk to him b/c I thought Brandon was semi-bodacious... Brandon at the time had a girlfriend. Marie told Brandon about me when I first started working here and now that he's single he said that he wants to get to know me better. I'm up to getting to know him better... he seems pretty cool but I feel so bad and confussed about this Derek situation.
We'll see... I guess.... maybe it's b/c I haven't been on my meds in sometime that I am so wish washy about things.... Only time will tell I guess..............
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2 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[02 May 2004|12:54pm] |
I <3 having sex dreams about my guy friends. Wow thanks Flip n' Vernon. Zero work and still the reward :)
I <3 watching spelling bees with Tracey on Saturday nights.
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:leave it here:
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[30 Apr 2004|10:24am] |
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ATM buttons... |
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1. Go into your LJ's archives.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
27 Nov 2001|11:23am
After that I went to Macomb Mall, by myself but that's cool... all I gotta say is BLING BLING!
I am such an uber dork! It's when I returned the gold necklace that Ryan got me for Sweetest Day in exchange for a silver necklace with a round diamond instead. 1. I don't like gold. 2. We broke up bc he was still seeing Kristen at the sametime. 3. I have bad ass taste in jewlery. I haven't worn that necklace in a while. I think I might sport it tonight at the Tigers game with my sweetie. I heart him.
Back to work I go.
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:leave it here:
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[23 Apr 2004|01:39pm] |
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Customers n' Camielle Talking... |
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Like a dream -- a childhood fantasy
You came to me -- wiped me off my feet
Like paradise lookin' in your eyes
You take my breath away
Baby -- I'm here to say
You make me feel special
You're all that I need and more
Fairytales do come true
Cuz they did when I met you
The only time I ever fell
I fell for you
Tracey, Carrie n' Cassie thanks so much for your advice the past few weeks... I've learned alot from each of you... you'll never know how much I appreicate everything ya'll done for me!
I've realized quite a bit in the past few days. I dunno if there is any turning back now... b/c I'm falling for by far the best person that has come into my 21 years of life. I'm so happy.
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4 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[22 Apr 2004|04:22pm] |
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( Read more... )
Derek came in today... he tooked yummy. WOOW-ness.
Some lady came in and called me ignorant and a bunch of other words. Fucking sweet... so yeah I walked away. Blah stupid people!
Then a customer brought me flowers b/c they heard the woman yell at me. Hah. Who got the last laugh... thats right... me!
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:leave it here:
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[21 Apr 2004|01:55pm] |
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Shopping Carts -- Bottle Return ::Beeep:: -- Satelite Radio |
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( Totally Nascar )
Derek text messaged me this morning with, "good morning beautiful" Sooo can I keep him?
"It's easy to fall in love, the hard part is finding someone who will catch you."
Hope to see him tomorrow...
Gina... I <3 U. Mon <3s U for it.
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2 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[20 Apr 2004|05:06pm] |
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I can't believe its only been a month since Derek and I starting hanging out! It feels like its been so much longer than that... maybe that's b/c I talked about him for a few weeks/months before I actually got the nerve to give him the 10 digits... area code first. ;)
Yeah I'm a freaking nerd. A happy nerd tho... a very happy/sappy/giddy nerd.
We went out to to Olive Garden last night. I felt bad that I had no money to tip or anything... ::Siiiigh:: After we went to the girls house and hung out with Jamie and Tracey. I have so much fun being around him. It's amazing n' my ladies know what I'm taking about... things are going uber really well... and I know I really like him b/c N O T H I N G has happened between him and I. :D WOO/BOO at the same time...
I'm falling.... and he is gonna catch me. WOOW.
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1 thought |:leave it here:
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[19 Apr 2004|11:27pm] |
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Farva Chewing |
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Love is everything you never knew you always wanted.
I got a book of a thousand love quotes... I'm so hopeless... :-D
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9 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[12 Apr 2004|03:44pm] |
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I have the most amazing guy ever in my life. I consider myself the luckiest girl alive. :)
I don't know where he came from... or how I really grew the balls to give him my digits but I'm uber glad I did. He's so sweet, and caring... and affectionate... and amazing.
I could not ask for more.
Last night i headed over to his new house since he moved out on Saturday. His house is beautiful. I'm jealous. Anyways... him and Chris played NHL HOCKEY 98 then we went to babysitting since I'm still housesitting. Showed him around, took him on the grand tour... then I took him outside to see the view from their backyard. Beautiful.
The way home I told him about my eating disorder and that I think he should know about it since he is part of my life. I told him that I don't expect him to say anything b/c there is nothing he can say. I told him that I don't just tell everyone only the people who I care about and I want to get to know the real me. I told him how I'm scared and that I'm putting up a wall but I don't want to b/c I want him to get to know the real me but part of me still puts it up b/c I know that if you don't open up then you aren't opening yourself up to get hurt. That I want to trust him and that I'm starting to b/c to my knowledge he hasn't lied to me. I told him that I do not tolerate people who lie and if I ever find out that he lied to me that him and I will no longer talk anymore. I said that life is too short to be in a halfway decent relationship and I don't mess around with my feelings.
He was so cute about it. He told me that he hopes down the road he can help me see that I am perfect just the way I am. That he is so glad that I opened up to him and that he's really happy that I'm showing him the inner me.
Make my heart melt. AMAZING.
Then he called me last night after I dropped him off b/c he couldn't sleep. :-D
I might need to have plastic surgery b/c my face is in perma-smile mode. :-D
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1 thought |:leave it here:
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[11 Apr 2004|04:47pm] |
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I have entered my version of hell.
Fucking save me.
I have a head ache...
I'm kinda buzzed... that's the only really good part of family functions... I can get drunk for free.
My uncle said he'd get me some fun Nascar stuff. WOO for that.
I was a deprived child... my family never hid eggs or baskets.... WTF.
Going to pass out on the couch with my family.
TEXT ME PLEASE!
Derek is sooo cute :-D
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:leave it here:
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[02 Apr 2004|04:14pm] |
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Elisha's Loud Ass Mouth! :) |
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Just a few things.
1. The guy that dances as the cowboy at Danny's just came into my work. LMAO. Hilarious... of course I didn't recongize him b/c it's not like you check out their faces... cept Michaels.
2. I can not wait to see Derek tonight. Just thinking about it makes me all giddy. His voice is oh so lucious... everything about him is just awesome. ::sigh:: Yes we did talk about him NOT calling me... and seeing as tho he's not my boyfriend... I'm not gonna dwell on it. I might have updated about all of that last night... but I was so giddy since I just talked to him right before I went to bed. Sooo yeah... I'm hopeless ;)
3. My face hurts from smiling so much!
4. ONE MORE HOUR TIL I GET TO LEAVE AND HEAR HIS OH SO SEXY VOICE!
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6 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[02 Apr 2004|12:05am] |
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Who got a foam rose from her hot Thursday regular? That's right... this girl right here!!
I'm falling... and I think he might catch me...
::sigh::
We talked about the other night... basically he fucked up. Hands down. I'm not pissed... but he knows that it bugged me. I'm not gonna dwell on it just because... well... you know... he's not my boyfriend... but if he ever pulls that shit again... peace out.
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:leave it here:
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[01 Apr 2004|11:02am] |
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Customers in Line... |
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I was a wreck last night. I was in rough shape. I don't know how to explain how I felt... it was werid.
Derek n' I were supposed to get together yesterday and watch a movie or do whatever was going on for Jamie's 21st. He told me to call him when I was leaving school... which I did since his cell isn't working he told me to call his house... I did... he wasn't home. He didn't call me back and he didn't text me last night. He doesn't seem like the type of guy to play games with me... but who knows.
I like him alot... and I'm uber scared. I'm scared to fall and him not catch me.
Yesterday when we did talk things seemed normal... maybe my mom put the thoughts in my head... she told me the other night that I should act more mature around him since he's older than me. Thanks Ma are you saying I'm immature? I dunno anymore... this relationship business is stressful... I hope it's worth it. This is the happiest I've been in a long time, if not ever and now I'm just so paranoid. :\ Please prove my doubts wrong... I need it.
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:leave it here:
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[30 Mar 2004|12:42pm] |
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I Need You -- Leann Rhimes |
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Friday we went to Emerald for Vernon's 21st. Definitly spotted the MEXICAN! LMFAO. Hilarious. Had a good time with that one ;) Emerald wasn't too bad on Friday of course my feet are killing me... still... thanks Trace, I <3 U for trading shoes with me!
Saturday night Derek n' I went to Olive Garden, then back to his house where I met his dad. I was uber nervous... thanks in large part to Ryan's dad and the relationship I had with him. But at anyrate I was a klutz and spilt Derek's beer in the kitchen... yeah way to go Stacey. WOO! His family is blessed with good genes. GILF. Then we went to a bonfire with some of the people he works with. I didn't talk much (which for me is surprising, I know) around his co-workers but it was all good b/c just being around Derek is bodacious. <3 Headed over to the girls house where we both drank and ended up passing out on the couch...
Woke up next to the most amazing guy ever on Sunday... dispite the morning breath (which was cancled out because we both had it), and the uber uncomfortable couch... it was awesome. :)
He took me home and after showering I headed back over to the girls house to watch the race. I was not a big fan of Kasey crashing out due to a little run in with Jamie. I was torn.... It was still a fun time tho. Gotta love slurpee runs and Taco Bell.
At any rate Derek and I had a really good convo, a drunken convo... but a convo none-the-less Saturday night/Sunday morning. I gave him a breif idea of what went on between Ryan and I... he says he understands b/c he went thru something very similar... hopefully we'll soberly talk about it sometime soon. I did tell him tho how happy he's made me, and that I really hope I don't scare him when I say that I haven't been this happy in a very long time. That just being around him makes me feel so safe and happy. I also told him that I hope he doesn't think he has to spend money on me b/c I am easily amused and it doesn't take much to keep me amused. :) Nothing sexual happend between him and I and honestly it was the greatest feeling in the world when I woke up to him kissing me... I didn't feel like I had to do anything with him... no pressure... and that's how I know I really like him b/c I don't want anything to happen sexually for a while... I want it to be special. Corny... yes, I know.
::sigh:: He treats me better then any person has ever treated me before. ::sigh::
I'm scared tho... very scared. The feeling of betrayal is a feeling like I've never felt before and I'm terified to feel it again. I over analyze everything he says and does b/c part of me can't believe that he doesn't have any ulterior motives... and I know how crapy that sounds. He hasn't given me a reason to not trust him, and I'm pretty sure he won't... but not 100% sure and well.. I'm scared. I know I'm rambling... I can't explain how I feel when it comes to this situation... everytime a guy comes into my life I do this... and clearly since they still aren't in my life they must not be deserving of me... but what if he is the real deal and I can't let go of my past and screw things up with someone so awesome. Ahhh... hopefully I'll be able to say goodbye to all those horrible memories sometime soon.... Ryan took away something from me... trust. Before that I never concived that people cheated, nor how much it hurt... I always trusted everyone for what it was worth... and now I go into things not trusting the person until they prove to me that I should trust them... isn't it supposed to be the other way around?
Anyways, I've got a paper I should start looking into while I'm here at work since we are uber slow. MUCH LOVE. <3
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4 thoughts |:leave it here:
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[26 Mar 2004|03:11pm] |
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America Choice Store Brands Ad |
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Could I be any more tired? Prolly not! BOO for me being sooo tired... then tonight I have dinner with Derek (WOO) then its out for Vernon's birthday at Emerald... then I have to work at 8:45 in the AM. BOO.
But tomorrow I get off early... then I get to go study and write my paper. I'm dirt poor broke.... this sucks...
I really strongly dislike being broke.
Don one of the managers at Farmer Jack is going to start ordering 99 Blackberries for me :) WOO!
This is such a totally random update...
Jamie is mad at me... and I surprised, no not really. If I buy people alcohol it's a favor... and it is at my disgression. If I don't feel comfortable buying for someone I'm not going to do it... I'd feel like a total hiprocrite since I worry about the frequency and amount of her drinking.
It does bother me the way she talked/yelled at me last night... shes my friend and I really hate confrontations. It's just an awkward situation I guess...
Anyways... I'm gonna go balance and stuff... my feet freaking hurt... I hate Fridays!!!
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:leave it here:
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[25 Mar 2004|04:31pm] |
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Marie's Loud Mouth on the Phone |
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If only for today I am unafraid.
I honestly feel like the luckiest girl alive. Derek came in early today... just looking at him gives me butterflies. :D One day I really hope to be able to fully open up and tell him how lucky I am and how happy he has made me already... it's not about money or anything fancy. It's just him. Plain and simple... him being him brings a smile to my face.
I love this feeling. ::knock on wood::
Well anyways... I can't wait to talk to him tonight... dang I'm like a little school girl. :)
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:leave it here:
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[25 Mar 2004|09:23am] |
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Soo... Derek met almost everyone. :D Seriously I didn't know guys like him existed... and he doesn't have any ulterior motives.. you know, it's niiiiiice. You couldn't wipe this smile off my face if you tried!
Anyways... I'm happy... things are going really well everywhere else... just hoping that something fulltime opens up here at work.. I need the money!
Derek comes in today :) Can't wait to see him!
( Read more... )
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:leave it here:
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sick