Doll Face's Journal

10:52am: this journal has been retired. for new improved news.....
http://tikigoddess.blog-city.com

12:26pm: I do not know what posesses me to go to rotten.com

I am seriously nauseous. Dammit. Right before lunch too.

1:46pm: oh my!
ITS SNOWING!

3:31pm: Bex is coming over to my house today. Eeek!
I am so excited I don't know what to do with myself!!!

3:31pm: Bex is coming over to my house today. Eeek!
I am so excited I don't know what to do with myself!!!

5:57pm: i love my HAIR so much.

Bad picture of my face. No makeup, but the hair is rocking.
I need to get a website so I can stop using goddamn yahoo photos. I hate the fact that they won't let you link anything. They are bastards.

I have chrome nailpolish on my fingernails.
Its delightfully tacky.

I can't wait to leave work so I can get on with my weekend.
I think we are going to go see the ring tonight.

My bosses were gone today so I had a pretty leisurely day.
I am bidding on some great stuff on ebay.

The silence is killing me though. I can't stand not having any music. I wish I had speakers to go with my computer. I want to bring in cd's. My cd's are sitting there gathering dust becasue I never have time to listen to them. Damn nicks broken car cd changer. We could be having some quality two hours of music time on the commute.

12:13pm: circle of love
bijouriel- You truly inspire me. maybe its because we are both Maineiacs, but you have such a gypsy spirit and i am jealous of you and the time you have had to be introspective. Its a pleasure to read your journal through your many incarnations :) and i love to see each new picture of you because you reinvent yourself all the time. I really hope I can meet you when I take the trek noth next summer, summer. (ima nerd) and you are beautiful.

blissful_spryte- You are the most adorable thing I have seen in a long time. You are open minded, fun, and a pleasure to talk to on AIM. I like your style, musical tastes, and your attitute toward life. you are gonna make it big! My own personal sarah polley!

celeber- You are very mysterious to me. I wish I could get to know you better. You seem to appear and dissapear from internet life. But I know you are always interrested in me which makes me feel incredible. And I have a feeling that you would make a spectacular friend. Go you. And you have a great ass.

chanceholiday- you have a way with words. i am so glad you joined our community. I think you are the raddest of thet rad and if I could be half as intelligent and witty as you then I would be the bees knees. oh, wait. I already am. You are atrtsy, ballsy, and just generally a lickable person. And of course you are a goddess *wink*

dr_sneed- you and i are the same person. only in different stages in our life. you introduced me to the desire for motherhood and i introduced you to the wonderful world of riot grrl. i am so excited to meet you next year. you have no idea how much fun we will have. i feel like i know your little family so well. thank you for being there and thank you for testing me and chatting with me and giving me things to think about. you are a great person, faye valentine. and you are a bootiful hip mama.

emma_bigmouth- where did you go pootie!? I wish I could visit you. we would go to concerts spike our hair and drink lots alcohol. you have some great views and great musical tastes. not to mention you are hot as hell. we would make a great duo, you and I.

epicurean- i really miss our aim chats. i have every bit of faith in you that you are gonna become this amazing designer and i will buy your furniture someday and proudly display it in my million dollar mansion. You have such a sweetness about you, and you are *funner* than a carnival. And you taught me the pleasures of a handheld showerhead!

hellotitty- my beautiful witchypoo. you are lovely and smart and creative. I can't wait to see you line of homeade treats!
Thank you for being interrested in me and thank you for coming back to the pool. I missed you when you were gone.

jedi_bunny- i love your attitude toward everything. No nonsense and opinionated. I remember how cynical you and i were at CC. Those were the days. You are an amazing woman, mom, career woman, and snappy to boot. You and christopher are adorable.

katlynel- you captivate me. i am so interrested in your life that i feel like a voyeur. i love your deepness and your openness. you bring up topics that are ordinarily kept secret.
Not to mention you are a beautiful and sexual creature.

lallabelle- I want to, like, be you! You are such a doll. You and I share the same sort of love for all things retro and I really appreciate that you understand where I am coming from. Not to mention we sort of know each other in a 6 degrees of seperation sort of way via ryan. You are gorgeous in every way!

lindsalicious- lovable silly special and beautiful! I love to hear what you have to say at the pool. You make me grin all the time!

nobletruth- I'm really in awe of you. you have had so many life experiences that I haven't had. Thank you for letting me life vicariously through you (by reading your journal) I don't always know what to say- but I am reading!

ohsosupa- you are a bundle of sugar and spice and everything nice. you are the all american girl and you just have it all! The innocent and unjaded lifestyle. You are what I wish I could be. If I could rewind my life I would wish it would play out like yours. You were so friendly to me back in the days of cc and i really appreciate you. And you have fabulous boobs.......and you are lovely!

pea_soup- peaness. i admire your straitforwardness. you tell it like it is and thats sometimes lost in todays society of fakeness. I really know that you will do great things. i want you to be able to break free and experience life. You are a lovely girl, beautiful and smart. Thank you for being my friend and sending me nice little packages. You always stick by me!

pensee- you are an exotic goddess. although very elusive. I'm not sure where you have gone but I don't see you around too much these days. I hope that you will reaapear and grace me with your internet presence!

pynk- you are a very sweet girl. very mature and you seem to be so stable. Looking forward to getting to know you more through your journal.

ragazzina- You are the kind of gal that a person can always count on. You are so warm hearted and you never get catty or vindictive. I really appreciate how stable you are.
I'm sorry that I never got a chance to meet up with you. I hope that things in your life get better and stay that way. You deserve the absolute best!
And of course you are beautiful and never forget it.

rubycoffin- you are such a whimsical girl. I have adored you from the beginning and contine you to admire you from a little bit of a distance.
You are truly unique and that inspires me.

rub_a_dub- you are the epitome of a lady. Not only are you beautiful, you are also eloquent and mature. I really enjoy you.

rucci- you are so much fun. I always picture you as the life of the party. I appreciate the sparkle you have and I hope that
you continue to have lots of fun in bed and in spearing your body parts *wink*

shinynewcoin- i am afraid that I can't place who you are. but I must like you if you are on my friends list. please tell me so I don't feel like such an idiot!

swallowwhole- SHE, woman- you complete me. :) I have learned a lot from you. and I am proud to say that you have changed my mind about christians.
You are so fun, and smart, and you like the bangs. Enough said! Love you!

tankgrrlie- you are a punk rocker after my own heart.

themarcinator- I love your sense of humor. You are so much fun, especially in late night AIM chats.
Rock on with your bad self!!

veggiemama- you are new to me, but any friend of nataly is a friend of mine!! w0000t!

5:09pm: I wanted to thank everyone collectively for all their kind words. Thank you for being supportive!

I am going to be writing a little special something about everyone on my friends list so be watching in the near future.

You gals inspire me!

2:24pm: I have been neglecting myself very badly lately.
I feel like I am spinning out of control......the only thing I am holding onto is that there is an end in sight.
Less then a month and we will be settled, finally.
I can get a good nights sleep, get a good meal, spend time on my body, get on track spiritually and mentally and emotionally.

In Florida I had so much extra time on my hands. We really didn't have many freinds. Just ourselves.
My apartment was always spotless, i had time to lay around and think, time to surf the net, time to cook good meals, the ability to totally control what I ate, and basicly do whatever I wanted whenever.
Granted I wasn't happy in the slightest. At least I was in control.

Since Ohio I have had every bit of that stripped away from me. From moving in with Nicks mom and living in her filth to getting a cheap roach infested apartment with a smelly old man above us.
To nicks mom forcing junk food down my throat and commuting to work and having to grab convenience food and choke it down because I don't have time for anything else.

Its no wonder my skin is broken out, I have an extra 10 lbs stuck to my bones and i am so mentally frazzled.

Add the stress of buying a house, loads of responsibility at work, a dog that recently had surgery, and friends who constantly want to get together and/or need help with one thing or another. There is not a spare minute to myself.


Well, the cleansing will begin very soon.
Little by little all these things will drop away.
I can go to the grocery store and buy healthy food and it won't rot in my fridge because I don't have time to use it up. There will be only 15 minutes between me and work rather than and hour and 15. There is a park about 20 steps away from my house, so I no longer have the excuse of living in the ghetto to keep me from jogging.
I will only drink water again rather than drinking soda because its in the fridge at work.
I will clean my house daily so it does not build up.
And I will only see friends when we travel down or they travel up.

If I can make it through the nest 3-4 weeks. I will survive.

12:09pm: To further expound on my pruning. If you wonder why I have taken you off and you can take a good step back from yourself, for fitty cents I will tell you why.

Also I have some big changes going on in my life and if you aren't that close to me then you don't need to know.

simple as pie.
save the drama fo yo mama.

9:38am: Just giving the heads up about my pruning.
I am deleting anyone who either has never commented in my journal, or people who I had on my list that I don't find interresting or stimulating.

Sorry if I have hurt any feelings.....
Although I have a feeling I am just wasting my breath

5:49pm: Drama queens.
I can't take them.

I am so fed up with the shit that I see on the internet lately. I have nothing to add. Nothing really sparks my interest. They go round and round posting the same thing, same topic different boards. They hide behind their name as if it was really them showing through. Its a name on a screen. I have to shake myself and tell myself all the time.
There is only maybe 2-3 people I really know, and talk to from the internet. These people know my intimate thoughts. And it took them a long time to get there. And thats the way I like it. Do I consider them friends? Yes.
Do they worship me, or do they think what I have to say is gospel? No. We get into fights, and we disagree but still we adore each other. Thats rare even in real life.

However I am not willing to put up with the drama anymore.
Maybe some I have caused and mostly the rediculous taking sides on petty arguements. 'Names' speaking for 'names' that are their friends. 'names' dictating what is right and wrong to type on a board. 'names' reading into comments and getting offended.

C'mon. Maybe I have just grown up.......
And maybe I don't need invisible 'friends' anymore.
I'm certainly not getting anything from this other than a headache. Its like highschool again.

3:59pm: Sometimes I just want to pull my pants down and show everyone my underwear because its (I'm) so damn cute!

3:33pm: I have been using my LJ a bit more these days.
I find that I am happier when I can get my thoughts and frustrations out.

Most of my entries are friends only.
I have lost track of who I have and don't have on my list. Please let me know if you want to be on it and how I know you and I will add you!

Thanks!

4:04pm: Vain dribble
Somtimes I wonder what people think of me.
Not internet people. I know all YOU love me (hah hah)

But I mean what kind of an impact have I made on the poeple that I have encountered. I sometimes catch bits and pieces of what people thought of me.
Would it be boastful of me to think that I am an incredible woman?
My best friend has had a string of boyfriends that used to me either mine, or admirers of me. I think its unusual, she doesn't seem to put two and two together. Its not that I introduced her to them. When we were younger and I had a boyfriend (I use the term loosely of course.) and I dumped him- she would start crushing on him and they would hang out.

Well the last two guys she has dated have told her that they were in lust with me in highschool and proceeded to tell her all his fantasies about me. This guy I knew about but this current guy (who she is engaged to) I didn't ever talk to.
Apparently he has told her that he wanted me in highschool.

Maybe its a coincidence.

But get this. My cousin just got engaged to one of my best guy friends. We went to school together since 3rd grade and I have always known that he had a crush on me but I didn't like him like that.

So the two gals who would be the closest to me and the most like me have both ended up with men who wanted me.

It makes me feel weird.

12:10pm: To Camp? or Not to Camp.
I have the chance to go camping this weekend from friday night to sunday afternoon (3 hours away from where I live), and I am having a hard time deciding whether to go or not.

On one hand......
I work very long days and commute a long way to work everyday. The weekends are very precious to me, and I have a hard time as it is to fit everything that needs to be done, let alone things I want to do for myself.
We would have to have nicks mom take car of our dog. Which scares me a little because he is my little guy- and I am afraid he will either escape and run away, she will go to one of her boyfriend for the weekend and forget about him, or he will fall into the pool and not be able to get out (he doesn't swim too well)
Also I may be getting my period that weekend and will not feel too well.

On the other hand......
There is a large group of people going and it will be some good bonding time. Lots of drinking, swimming, cooking out, and fun!

But on the first hand.....
I don't know if I wanna be drinking that much and they are serious drinkers and pushy for everyone around them to get wasted too. And they get rowdy and pervy and one of the guys g-friends always ends up taking her clothes off and she always wants me to too (big problem right? hehe)

On the second hand.....
Maybe I could bring my dog with me. The only thing I am concerned about is he likes to bolt, and we will have to keep him tied up all weekend. I don't trust him to stay near us unless he is tied. And I don't know if the campground takes animals.

On the first hand......
I hate shitting in the woods.
Unless they have bathrooms....but then I hate porta potties and public bathrooms.

Ugh. Any imput on these silly ramblings is much appreciated.
Maybe I'll reread this later and make my decision.

11:18am: Exciting things in the life of me:

~~Saw the bangs last night, not only that they wanted to crash at my place. I almost had a heart attack but it didn't work out because I had to be out the door early for work and they would have wanted to sleep in. I *heart* them. (if you wanna see pics go to my friends page, i have a post in the riotgrrlhangout)

~~Got a Sony Vega TV
~~Got a new super comfy rad couch
~~Got a bonus on Friday for all my hard work
~~Drank all weekend long and didn't get drunk once.
~~passed my written drivers test and got my Ohio license and the picture came out AWESOME. No really! A good license pic!

Bad things that happened-
Boy went to get his license switched and he passed the test but the bitch that ran his name said that he couldn't get his new license becasue he was 'wanted' in the state of California, which was total bullshit. He had his sherrif friend run his social and there was nothing on it. So he has to wait another couple of weeks to get his new license becasue of her fuck up.
And then when we went to get the tv he couldn't pay with a check because he had an out of state id, so we had to run to the bank and get cash.
Then we brought this guy we didn't know too well to the coctail party and he got drunk way too fast and started talking about religion and how he tried to commit suicide once. Nick had to take him outside and spend the rest of the night listening to him rant so the rest of the people could party in peace. He was really pissing me off because we were sitting with this guy who is gay and he(drunk guy) kept using the word gay as an insult or putdown. And then he started making fun of Madonna and her teeth. I was ready to slap him....but Nick took him away.

Tonight we are going to get a window air conditioner because its really hot and we are frying in our apartment.

And I feel like this has been the most random entry.
That is all.

3:51pm: I'm walking around here at work and my toe starts hurting.
I try to ignore it but the more I walk the more it starts to hurt, almost like the skin on the bottom of my big toe is being rubbed off.

So I take a moment and pull of my shoe and sock.
What do I find?
A HAIR imbedded into my toe. Distinctly Nick like. Which makes sense because I recently shaved his head and probably picked it up off the bathroom floor.

But the thing was about 3 millimeters in my toe. It took three tries to pull it out. Problem solved.

So wait a minute, how can a freakin hair get imbedded in my toe. I am totally dumbfounded.

4:49pm: This weekend I am going to a cocktail party and the dress is semi formal. This excites me greatly. I never get to dress up. So I splurged and bought myself some sex on a stick shoes. 5 inch bettie page heels. Black patent leather a little thin ankle strap. I will be 6 feet tall in them. And I will look like an amazon vixen princess. I'll have to take pictures. I hope I don't get too drunk and break my ankles.

My legs hurt. I guess the yoga is working.
I need an intermediate tape and I can't seem to find the right one. I have been mainly looking on ebay....and everything is geared toward beginners. I get bored easily and I need something more challenging.

Ebay is my biggest weakness.
Right now I am bidding on a 70's naked yoga book (its delightfully tacky)
And 3 Girls Gone Wild Videos.
Does this mean that I am hopelessly horny?

1:00pm: I just found a whole strawberry in my yogurt! WHOLE!

My day is complete.

3:11pm:

i like this picture

3:01pm: chocolate is demonic
I just ate a milky way bar and my mouth hurts so bad.
Instant cankers.
I wonder if I am alergic to chocolate?
It happens everytime I eat it, or anything sugary for that matter.

I am sucessfully ignoring the mounds of work around me.
Trying to think up something to say to my boss when she comes back to find out that I haven't been working that much. She probably won't even notice. She is so dumb.

I do way more that I should be for the amount of my paycheck. But hey I am not complaining. I make pretty damn good money- but I know they could squeak out a few more dollars an hour. I happen to know that they paid the last girl 4 more per hour to do way less than I am doing. I just don't know how to approach them about it. I will definatly wait till Nick gets his raise. Because he has been here longer.

I'm really excited to see the Bangs next monday.
I invited a really cool chick to go with me.
It will be really funny and weird to go see Cory Feldman at the pub next month.

4:51pm: I came about an inch from ordering a bikini out of the Victoria's secret catalogue.
If only to spare myself from the shame of the seasonal bikini try on trauma.
You would think that stores woud try to placate women by providing nice mirrors and soft lighting to try to induce them to buy bikinis instead of running screaming from the dressing room.

I ripped up the order form. To hell with it. It was too expensive anyway. I would much rather skinny dip than be seen in a bikini. How weird is that? I think the natural shape of my body is great but when I start to cover it up in certain spots it freaks me out.

I have officially inherited my mothers weight obcession.
She spent way too much time trying to stay under 130. Yet she always looked great, even if she didn't eat anything more than lettuce that day.
Well I have reached it.
And I sound like a pathetic little whiney brat. I'm sure there are tons of people who would love to be my weight but I am selfish and vain. I can still fit into a 5 sometimes, but I am mostly an 8 trying to remember those days when I was a 0.
I never thought I would become suseptible to the medias perception of a perfect body.
People don't help either. I spent years trying to defend my bony self, explaining that I wasn't anorexic I just have a fast metabolism and an active sort of life. Daily I faced some kind of skinny comment. Even though it was irritating I sort of prided myself on it. I haven't heard anyone teel me I am skinny in about 2 years. And I am starting to get paranoid. In fact if someone hasn't seen me in a while they may make the comment that I have put on a little weight. Where is the fine line drawn?
And why can't they say "you look good."

Grrr.

I have been tring to come up with ways to remedy the problem, but I can't seem to find the time or the space to exercise. I live in a bad area so venturing out past my front porch is a bad idea. I can't get any alone time to pop in a video tape. The guys are always watching tv or sitting around. Sometimes at night I do situps and a bit of yoga but I need more. I don't have any way of getting to a gym. And I only have about 2 hours of spare time in which I have to fit in eating, cleaning, caring for my dog, and watching a little tv to unwind.
.....And its gonna be that way for at least the next 6 months till we can get a place close to where we work.

Anyway, now that I have that off my chest I am gonna have a few beers and try to forget about it.

Oh yeah, how bout those Wings? yeehaw!

5:51pm: Boobies
Perfect breasts
(o)(o)

Fake silicone breasts
( + )( + )

Perky breasts
(*)(*)

Big nipple breasts
(@)(@)

A cups
o o

D cups
{ O }{ O }

Wonder bra breasts
(oYo)

Cold breasts
( ^ )( ^ )

Lopsided breasts
(o)(O)

Pierced Breasts
(Q)(O)

Hanging Tassels Breasts
(p)(p)

Grandma's Breasts
\ o /\ o /

Against The Shower Door Breasts
( )( )


Android Breasts
| o | | o |

Martha Stewart's Breasts
($)($)

1:09pm: freedom
My boss is gone till Wednesday!
*does the boss is gone dance*

Its hot as hell here right now. I am sitting in the ac and still I am drenched. So much for leaving the Florida heat! I gues the only place that never gets hot is Maine, or maybe the north pole.
However, I'm really going to take advantage of the hot weather this weekend. We are gonna help Nicks mom get her pool ready, then we're gonna take witti to the park and rollerblade or bike. We are gonna go to the museum to catch the display of eames 50's schtuff. AND we are gonna go to a redneck party. Where the labatt and the bud will be flowing freely. Should be fun.

Time for lunch.
Jets pizza is heaven.