| guess where I am again |
[11 Jul 2004|05:37pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
] |
Things are still good. Brian has expressed some feeling for me and I think he mite drop special lady for me but it is still up in the air. I'm happy to be off work today, I have to work everyday mon-fri 11-7 or 11-8, damn tent sale. I just did ddr on the medal pads it was fun and I kicked ass but now I'm all hot and sweaty and I don't like it. I got my hair cut and dyed red, I love it and so does everyone else it seems. I hope the week goes well and standing all day everyday doesn't kill me. Just wish me luck at things working out for the best. ^_^
Derrick when am I ever going to see you again?
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[08 Jul 2004|11:32am] |
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mood |
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 bouncy |
] |
Yesturday was a good day, I worked 9:30-6, then I can home and started calling people to see if I could find anyone to play with and I ended up spending the evening with Brian. I met the guys who live below him. I got to watch the Ultimte Love Test, which I'm addicted to. Then just random stuff and he took me back to me car and I didn't have my keys b/c they fell out of my pocket into the couch. Now I have more bruses from fighting with him. oh well, hopefully today will be a good day also. If only I had someone to make out with or kiss a little.
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| The is all for right now |
[07 Jul 2004|08:37am] |
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mood |
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 mischievous |
] |
I changed shifts, I now work 9:30-6 today, then I'm off tomorrow, so if anyone wants to do somethign tonight or tomorrow give me a call. I'll proably be out at the lan later tonight.
In other news Brian called me last night. He was like "you know you can still call me right," and "are you sad?" me:"I was for like a day. I don't knwo if I should be sad or not," him: "yea, me too but, I'm sad." Then has asked what i've been doing, then told me he was goign to a club Sat night, *rolls eyes*. Then told me he was goign to the Live show, I said me too and he asked if we could met up and go as a group. I'm trying to decide. Also Ben, the live concert is Aug 13, I'll still be home then but if we go we/you can stay at my brother's apartment if u want. I move in Aug 20, which is that next friday.
I also got 2 phone calls while at work and it made me feel special.
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| another day |
[06 Jul 2004|11:00am] |
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mood |
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 good |
] |
There are so many good things about the cyberlan like being with freinds talking to people but all of my reasons for goign are never playing on the systems, I really wish I had a gamecube game I could play there. The reason is when everyone starts to play I have nothign to do, there are only so many places I care to go on the internet and I have no one to talk to on aim if they are at the lan, so I'm kinda stuck. especialy when all you wanted to do all day was play outside and read a book and listen to music and have fun converstation. The down side to this plan was I don't have a new book, I didn't have my cd player or cds and sometime outside just isn't has fun by yourself. I did have a fun day of converstaion. I also need a message when whenever I can get one next. I also had the worst taocs ever last night but it was okay. So I can home around 7:30 and just layed on my bed and watched tv and went to bed early and got a good amount of sleep and yet still woke up feeling like I was going to go sick. It has happened for a week start now. I guess I should stay in tonight too, b/c I get off at 9:30 then work again tomorrow and proably should take a break from the lan. I'm off thursday so wensday night I can go out. I don't know. I should eat something, I just wish I didn't feel sick, and I should get stuff together to wear to work and leave early and go to the bank. Then I stand forever and sell fat people clothing. So I hope I didn't freak anyone out last night.
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| yes the mood is correct |
[05 Jul 2004|01:59pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
] |
I'm happy. I've had the best weekend, times got a little ackward but everything has worked out. I have a lovely lunch date with Ben and tonight I have .50 tacos with a group of people. It is so nice to have freinds to hang out with and talk to, I'm really going to miss it when I go back to west ga. Also it is nice to cuddle with peopleeven if it means nothing. I think the only things that would make the day better would be a book and my cd player, or bubbles and a boom box. I want to play outside. That is all so far.
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[04 Jul 2004|07:53pm] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
note to self: update about things
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| yet again |
[01 Jul 2004|04:41pm] |
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mood |
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hidden |
] |
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music |
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none |
] |
I just got a new cell phone, after the mail-in-rebate it will cost me $2-3 b/c of tax. YEY! Tonight I will see Derrick's band at the mezz. My new shinny toy is distracting me from emotions. I'm not upset, but a little let down, angry, jealuse, and not looking forward to going back to school even more now. that is all for now.
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| *vent* |
[01 Jul 2004|12:28pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
] |
I need to find another school to go to. I really hate West ga, the only thing keeping me there was Brian and now I don't have that reason. I don't want to go back to a place that has nothing to do and no one for me hang out with and I'm all alone and I get so stressed out and I get no help or inceragment from home. I get the feeling my future roommate doesn't want to be my friend. I've already fucked up starting over there once, whos to say I won't do it again and I'll have another year like I did. I'll end up making my self sick again and freaking out and being so unhappy and no having the desire to even wake up in the morning and I'll try in the classes and still proably no make good enough grades to keep hope. I for once have friends at home that I can do stuff with and that will just go to shit once I get down there. Everything in my life feels like it is going to be temporary, nothing is forever nothing will ever last, I'll always end up alone or having to start over again. How can a person say that fucking love you so much and that they mite be able to spend there life with you but they just can't love you like you want to be loved. I thought he would step up and want to be in a relationship but no he pussied out and gave up with out trying. I always want to jump ahead in time in hopes everything will be okay then, but I have o make that foundation now so that things will be okay then, but I don't know how. I don't know how to be alone, I don't know how to be happy, I don't know how to understand people wanting to see me happy. I don't understand how I can be important to anyone, and if I keep thinking like that I guess I never will be. I don't know how to change. It is like I write the same fucking things over and over and I try to make things different and every time I fail. It is only 12:30, god, I have a whole fucking day and a whole fucking tomorrow...etc. I want a new book and new things and new feelings, I have to stop thinking if I change on the outside I'll change on the inside. *blah* the endless plateau that is my life.
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| life update |
[01 Jul 2004|10:56am] |
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mood |
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 disappointed |
] |
- I got dumped or in better works let go, last night. He says he loves me bunches but just not in a romantic way, so since he couldn give me want I needed we should just be freinds. there are other bits of infor but I don't feel like sharing now (my feels about this are still very angry and confused and let down) I don't want a pitty party.
- Now my whole time at west ga real has been a waste of time and energy
- I haven't been out of the house all week exsept to see Ferinhit 9/11
- I work 40+ hours next week, all the days I work are 1-9:30.
- I get paid sat.
- I have tons more bruses and scraps from carrying a ladder at work.
- It just kinda sucks
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| Emotions are going dowm hill again |
[28 Jun 2004|04:23pm] |
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mood |
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 discontent |
] |
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music |
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Live |
] |
I have 53 days till I move back to carrolton. I have 1 1/2 months left of work. I work tomorrow and Wens 6-9:30, then I work Sat 1-9:30. I get paid friday. I'm no looking forward to going back to school. I'm not looking forward to any day this week. I'm not in a very opsimistic mood. Things are bothering me again, there is no use in going into what it is. I filled my car up with gas in Sat and thoday it is at half a tank, damn cyberlan sucking my gas away. It is better then sitting in my room all night. I wish I had a new book. I wish people would stop getting me to smile, it makes things worse. I'm just feeling hollow. whatever..
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| I need more sleep |
[27 Jun 2004|08:47pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
] |
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music |
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stuff |
] |
so I worked today 1-6. I think my boss just asked me to stay an hour later b/c she and the other girl don't like to work and I'm the only one who will run the register. I get all teh other managers telling me not to trust Treva, the manger who trained me and I worked under today. They all say she is a lier and she is steal money and blame it on me and etc. Then Treava tells me not to trust Dawn or this other women who works there, it gets so drama filled working with all women. I need some candy or somethign to make me hyper, but I don't need to spend anymore money, and Kenny owns my $20 for cleaning last week.
I'm at the lan now b/c my house is odd and everyoen goes to different rooms and I'm sick of my room. Plus the house is always so cold.
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[25 Jun 2004|06:22pm] |
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mood |
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 lonely |
] |
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| I haven't been sleeping well |
[25 Jun 2004|10:28am] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
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music |
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death cab (in head) |
] |
I worked 10 hrs yesturday b/c a girl came in 4 hrs late and quit after 30 mins of being there, so I finished her shift. Brian was here wensday with a pissed off family and fun wasn't really had. I don't want to be workign during the day today b/c I want to see the movie with everyone so bad. *sigh* Tomorrow I have to go to my cousins wedding, then I'll hang out at cybelan and finaly get to play harvest moon more. I have to clean the house and find somethign to do till 12:35. I work 1-5, if you want to hang out just call. I'm also goign to buy a new purse today and maybe a shirt for the wedding at work today. I really want to dye my hair again. I mite do that next week if I ever see my mom again. Yesturday was a crazy day.
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| I'm being anti-social today |
[22 Jun 2004|04:49pm] |
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mood |
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 nerdy |
] |
I finaly hooked up Ben's gamecube and went out to rent games but all they had was Harvest Moon, which I love it isn't as exciting as the sims bustin out. I'm also a little let down that game rental costs $6. I'm not looking forward to work tonight, 6-9:30 is such an odd time. I'm finishing up laundry and playing harvest moon untill 5:20, then I'll get ready. I'm excited abotu Brian visting tomorrow I just wish he could be more of a planner instead of spontanius sometimes. I don't want to be waiting around for his call that he is close, I have no idea when that will be. I always get a little nerves the day before I see him, I'm not sure why. I shoudl make me some food so I'm not hungry at work. If you need me call, or if you want to meet Brian or can things of anythign for us to do or a girl like me that is 17 let me know.
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| my bro needs to get out of the shower |
[22 Jun 2004|10:46am] |
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mood |
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 dirty |
] |
Yesturday was Bed day. Kraig helped get Brian's bed to him and carry it into his apartment. then Kraig left and Brian was goign to run some errans so I went too. We drive around a lot, went to Kmart met Will and went to the Police suply store then Will's house then a pool hall. My Brian called me and he is coming to visit with Clay on Wensday, *excited*. I need help finding Clay a nerdy girl to hang out with for the day, any ideas please comment. He is 17. Anyway my Brian also has orange hair now, b/c of a dye job gone interesting. I work today 6-9:30pm. I wasn't scedualed for thursady but they changed that so I can't go back with Brian. So I work thrs 1-5 and Fri 1-5, and fri is a sidewalk sale so I'll be outside most of the time. Over all yesturday was a good day, lots of converstation and old people who should be wearing that kinda clothing. Today I think I will do laundry and finaly hook up the gamecube and go rent the sims or animal crossing.
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| I've listened to this cd 3 times in a row |
[19 Jun 2004|11:53am] |
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mood |
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 calm |
] |
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music |
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Death cab for cutie |
] |
I have work at 1-7. I'm in an interesting mood, I think it is b/c of the music. I'll proably go to the Lan tonight and hopefully get to borrow a gamecube. ^_^ Damnit I just remembered tomorrow is Sunday and I don't have to work so I'll have to go to church, I hate that place. I'm goign to try and get Brian's bed to him tomorrow, my brother is back in town so we can use his truck. I'm just bored and waiting for 12:35. I forgot what I was goign to say.
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| better |
[18 Jun 2004|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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good |
] |
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music |
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DDR |
] |
I'm feeling better, Gorden and I went to the Mud Pie and had my fav thing, black beans and rice with chicken. It was super tasty. Now he owns me $6. I only have 12 mins left on the computers and only $3. Now what am I going to do?
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| Interesting |
[18 Jun 2004|08:08pm] |
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mood |
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 uncomfortable |
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music |
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Stereophonics |
] |
I left home to early. I'm kinda hungry but I need to save my money for gas and anythign else I mite need this coming week. Ben and I got told we could plug in our laptops at the Lan. We then went with Joe, and got ice cream and looked for comics and had a good time. I tried to get Ben in a better mood. Now I'm back at the Lan and I went up to the Mezz and got hit on my two guy who had been drinking, I could smell it on them. Drinking make me so uncomfortable and upset. I hate the smell and the thought of it, I just hate it and I hate that I saw my mom drinking Mon, it really upset me. Anyway, Also the computers in the Mezz don't have aim and sim express wouldn't work and the music was to loud and I couldn't hear my cd player. I just don't know my mood has droped and I don't know if I'll get it back tonight. In other news, I work tomorrow 1-7 instead of 2-6, so more hours and I get paid, which is good and bad b/c I can't spend any money and I'm a little upset Brian didn't call me yesturday like he said he would. *sigh* I miss him. The more time I spend with Ben and Brian,the saint, the more I miss a boy I can acualy touch.
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