I'm off to a wedding, so I won't be posting for a few days. In the meanwhile, I recommend the following substitute blogs, who should be getting far more traffic than they do:
Road to Surfdom
Big Picnic
Discourse.net
Apostropher
Unfogged
And also All Night Surfing for weird internet stuff. Also, if you haven't already, you might want to read my post about playing poker with Cheney, which was funny and unshrill just like the good old days of The Poor Man before any of us were born and when magic was REAL. I'm plugging myself because I thought it was pretty good, and even my dad thought it was funny and that means load up the wagon train and head out west because it's a comedy gold rush.
This sort of thing is likely to happen with some frequency, and I've been thinking I'd like to maybe try to have guest posters fill in when I'm gone, so this space doesn't go to waste, and so people don't have to press their grubby faces up against the screen like big-eyed hungry orphans who hoping against hope for new posts, or else a bowl of porridge and a job selling newspapers, depending on whether they are real people or just pointless similies I introduced for no good reason. If you might be interested in guest posting at some point, and if I might be familiar with your writing, and if we are somewhat on the same wavelength, let me know, and maybe we can do that. I haven't made up my mind about whether this is a smart idea or stupid, but it's something I'm considering.
Also, now that a week has past, and all the Bloomsday centenary festivities have settled down a bit, I'd like to take a moment to point out that James Joyce's "Ulysses" fucking sucks, and if you haven't read it, please do yourself an enormous favor and don't bother. It was supposed to be the best book ever, so I got a copy, and read all the way up to page 500 before realizing I hadn't understood anything since roughly the third or fourth sentence. So I get some book which was supposed to explain what it was all about, but I couldn't understand anything that book was talking about either. If James Joyce had anything to say, he would have just said it, instead of tangling it all up in some unreadable million-page book where even the fucking explanation doesn't make any sense. It was also at this point that I realized that pretty much all of fiction is totally stupid, and no one in their right mind should ever read it. None of these people in these books are real, and none of it ever happened. "Mr. Druthers put down his book and regarded his wife coldly." No, he didn't, and he doesn't even exist, and, really, so what if he did? Big waste of time. If fiction is any good, it will eventually get made into a horrible movie, and you can see it when it's on Cinemax and then you can try to guess which actors are gay and how much better it would be with Al Pacino. But books are a complete waste of time, and things I don't understand fucking suck.
Reading this, on the other hand, was a sound investment in your future.
I'm with Kevin Drum in this VP thing. There are other factors to consider, picking up votes in swing states and so on, but it's mainly about who will run in 2012. For this reason I'm leaning towards Edwards, because he's a natural politician, he's reasonably young, he wasn't born a God-damned millionaire, and he's got the right idea on economic/domestic issues. I'm telling you this so you know what I'll say when Kerry calls me up at the last second to cast a deciding vote on this. I'm not totally sold - he worries me on foreign policy, he has seemed pretty shallow on some issues (Kerry handled him in the debates), and he could use some seasoning all around - but he's got potential, and I don't want him to just fade away. Also, you just want to pinch his widdle cheeks. Don't lie - you do. Hopefully, at some point in the next eight years, puberty will kick in, and then it will be a little easier to wave away visions of him blowing off policy meetings to skateboard the half-pipe he built in the Lincoln bedroom. I'm sorry, but it's true. Also, I sometimes want to free climb John Kerry's face. There's this gnarly toe hold right above his chin I could totally work from. Well, there is.
Also, I must say that I'm becoming more and more convinced that John Kerry was a very wise, and sort of obvious, choice for the nomination. As per the conventional wisdom of 18 months ago, now that I think about it. He may not be quite as blinding intelligent as some failed candidates; nor have had quite as impressive a military career as others; nor have displayed quite the same winning combination of boyscout earnestness, down home regular guy attitude, and searing contempt for bullshit as other candidates; nor have been quite so much from the South as some; nor have single-handedly pulled Richard Holbrooke out of fucking ditch in Kosovo while taking enemy fire like some kind of insane real-life action movie to quite the extent that some people did; nor did he give one the uncanny impression that he had been cunningly constructed in a secret lab to turn every Republican attack back on itself like some kind of Matrix "you are The One" shit as much as certain other candidates did; but, still and all, he's pretty good. Very good. Looking back, most of these things are a bit more important for the election than for actually running the country. And John Kerry came out of nowhere to ninja-kick everyone else's ass anyway, so I guess they couldn't have been so hot after all, now could they? And he can now steal their very right-thinking policy ideas all he wants, too.
Kerry's faults as a politician are obvious - he's kind of annoying to listen to, he has bad hair, he's a super millionaire, he looks like a human tree, etc. And he may not have been the greatest legislator in the history of the Senate, but that's not the job he's going for. On the other hand, he's terribly smart, experienced, completely right-thinking (as I judge these things), pretty much incorruptible (as politicians go), and probably hates the Yankees. He's also sort of cool, in a kind of weird way you don't notice right away. Whatever. I don't want to do some kind of cheerleading thing here, because that goes totally against my Gen X principles, but "a complete accounting of cool things about John Kerry" is a post that is begging to be written. It's begging to be written because it's true, and because the whole "John Kerry sucks but anyone is better than Bush" attitude is very tired and boring and so very three weeks ago and people only say it because they heard someone else say it and they thought it sounded clever. But it's begging to be written by someone who doesn't have the brooding and cruelly handsome cynical grunge rebel thing going on like I do.
BruceR (thankfully back from hiatus) has seen the Stephen Hayes Daily Show interview, and was not impressed:
Just wanted to say while I was writing yesterday, I saw Stephen Hayes' appalling appearance on the Daily Show, where he actually denied Iran had used chemical weapons in the Iran-Iraq War, because it suited his argument that Saddam was uniquely evil. Stewart was visibly flabbergasted. I submit that anyone willing to obscure fact that badly in public probably shouldn't be trusted on any analysis of some "Saddam-Al Qaeda connection." And it's truly disgusting that a comedy show host knows his history better than the Weekly Standard's supposed expert on the subject.
I haven't seen this Daily Show yet (my version of Comedy Central seems to only run re-runs of MAD TV, now entering its tenth consecutive season without a laugh), but it doesn't suprise me. Stephen Hayes says whatever Doug Feith tells him to say, and Doug Feith is an incompetent, dishonest, rigidly ideological fool. Nonetheless, expect his book on how Osama and Saddam were basically the same person to be treated with complete credulity by all the usual suspects. I'd like to get a list of everyone who buys this book so I can telemarket them non-existent Florida real estate and hypersonic centaur repellent and Godzilla insurance and magic money machines and authentic reproduction Papal dispensations and whatever other shit I make up, because they clearly are willing to believe anything. Lookin' good costs, baby. I gotta bite off my piece.
More than a dozen lawmakers attended a congressional reception this year honoring the Rev. Sun Myung Moon in which Moon declared himself the Messiah and said his teachings have helped Hitler and Stalin be "reborn as new persons."At the March 23 ceremony in the Dirksen Senate Office Building, Rep. Danny K. Davis (D-Ill.) wore white gloves and carried a pillow holding an ornate crown that was placed on Moon's head. The Korean-born businessman and religious leader then delivered a long speech saying he was "sent to Earth . . . to save the world's six billion people. . . . Emperors, kings and presidents . . . have declared to all Heaven and Earth that Reverend Sun Myung Moon is none other than humanity's Savior, Messiah, Returning Lord and True Parent."
Details of the ceremony -- first reported by Salon.com writer John Gorenfeld -- have prompted several lawmakers to say they were misled or duped by organizers. Their complaints prompted a Moon-affiliated Web site to remove a video of the "Crown of Peace" ceremony two days ago, but other Web sites have preserved details and photos.
Here's one such site.
This story is just so unreal. Is there some place where we can get a guest list for this thing, to see just who all went to this thing? It's nice that this is finally getting some legitimate media exposure.
Ogged asks:
Maybe someone more familiar than I with the infinite nuance of baseball can explain: Just how would the people proposing that intentional walks be banned police intentional, but not obvious, walks?
Brad DeLong offers:
It's easy. A 4-0 count walk becomes a two-base walk, not a one-base walk. That should do it.
Or, how about this: kick Barry Bonds out of baseball for using steroids, and then just go back to playing regular old baseball for genetic humans? This whole conversation is making baby Ken Burns cry.
Optionally, use this as an opportunity to bring in this entire package of new rules, which will upgrade your grandpappy's boring old "baseball" to new "Mountain Dew Presents X-Ball X-Treme 3000 2.0 - It's Baseball ... To The X-TREME!!!!":
1. Every pitch which isn't a strike is a homerun. The fans love homeruns.
2. The perimeter of the infield will be defined by boxing ring ropes. All players will be required to wear Mexican wrestling masks and tights, and play under cool names like "The Mysterious Shadow" and "Johnny X. Outlaw", or as exaggerated ethnic stereotypes.
3. Rather than simply running the bases to score, baserunners will be required to: BMX bike from home to first; razor scooter-scoot from first to third; snowboard from second to third; and roller-derby from third to home against hostile professional lady roller derby-ers. Upon reaching home plate, runners will have to shimmy up a telephone pole, saw through the top, and then base-jump back to the ground, all before a special celebrity guest can answer 5 trivia questions posed by Regis Philbin.
4. Also, at each base, runners will be required to perform an radi-kewl slam dunk.
5. Bikini girl umpires.
This should solve all of baseball's many problems.
WASHINGTON, June 22 - President Bush has authorized a team of American negotiators to offer North Korea, in talks in Beijing on Thursday, a new but highly conditional set of incentives to give up its nuclear weapons programs the way Libya did late last year, according to senior administration officials.The proposal would be the first significant, detailed overture to North Korea since Mr. Bush took office three years ago.
Under the plan, outlined by American officials on Tuesday evening, in response to pressure from China and American allies in Asia, the aid would begin flowing immediately after a commitment by Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader, to dismantle his plutonium and uranium weapons programs. In return, China, Russia, Japan and South Korea would immediately begin sending tens of thousands of tons of heavy fuel oil every month, and Washington would offer a "provisional'' guarantee not to invade the country or seek to topple Mr. Kim's government.
Good thing we didn't do this three years ago! That would have been appeasement! Now, however, no one can accuse the Bush Administration of submitting to blackmail, because the North Koreans are going to look at this offer for a few weeks, gaze lovingly at their growing nuclear arsenal, review what folks are offering them to sign on to the Nuke-of-the-Month Club, and tell us to go fuck ourselves. They will do this because they can, and because there's nothing we can really do about it. And we'll come back with more, and they'll do it again, and around and around we'll go, until we finally agree to whatever they want, at which point they won't honor the agreement anyway, because they're North Korea. Eventually Dear Leader decides to ask downtown Tokyo how much it is willing to pay for catastrophic nuclear bomb insurance, and the world economy tanks. We lose New York, maybe Washington, DC, to nuclear terrorists ("I dunno where they got them from!"), and maybe LA, SF and Seattle to North Korean warning shots.
That's the way bad scenario. The way good scenario is this: they only tell us to go fuck ourselves a little bit, because buyers are nervous about getting caught with North Korean nukes, and so we get some kind of reasonable deal in some reasonable timeframe. And the North Koreans still aren't trustworthy, but they agree to some kind of verification program because they are very, very hungry by now. So, with a bit of luck, we end up exactly where we were under the failed Clinton policy of appeasement, except that North Korea has perhaps a dozen warheads at this point, and, because their deterrance is essentially impregnable, we're paying more than we ever would have had we made this deal three years ago, or had the Congress allowed the country to honor the Clinton deal (further proof that, however much one tries to admire John McCain, one keeps butting up against the fact that he's insane). We then pray long and hard that the regime never, ever falls, because then it's going to be a free-for-all.
This is so much of a piece with the Bush approach to Iraq. Well, everything, really, but especially Iraq. Bull-headed right-wing ideology replaces actual policy - fuck the UN; the CPA will be managed by unqualified but connected 25-year-old Heritage Foundation wannabes, Ahmad Chalabi is just like George Washington, blah blah blah. And then, when it predictably goes to hell, we do what we should have done in the first place, except that by now it's too late. And then try to bluff your way out of the political mess.
Worst. President. Ever.
There were a lot of worthy candidates, but, in the end, I had to go with this:
I love how the comments on this page do nothing more than bash what Kaye Grogan is wearing and how she uses her punctuation, because they are composed by people who can only write trash because of a lack of evidence, fact, decency, respect, and common sense…ooops, did I just over use commas? As an actor, I am surrounded by the most corrupt, hypocritical, soulless and ignorant industry/people on the face of the earth, and they truly try to appeal to the lowest common denominator. It really would do some good if you would stop and understand that a country without morals, low taxes, a minimal government, God, respect for life in the womb, tough laws on crime, common sense, etc., will never stand, and I guarantee that if you could have things the way you say you want things to be, you would be the first ones to complain.I sincerely thank you for your time, and I do hope you post this, but that’s unlikely due to the one sidedness that seems to follow the type of thinking that is on this page.
Sincerely,
Michael Hibler
Why did I choose this one? Well, firstly, because he asked nicely. Secondly, because he's an actor, and I have always been fascinated by the inner life of actors. But mostly, it's because of sincerity.
Sincerity is important. I've been reading a lot of troll comments recently, and ... well, to be blunt, I'm sceptical. ALL CAPS, cute spelling and grammar mistakes spinkled in, strange, meandering sentence structure, and oh! that profanity - it's all just a little too perfect, if you see what I mean. A little too cut-and-dried, a little too stereotypical wingnut. I'm not saying anyone's doing anything sneaky; I'm just saying. I want to see a real personality come through; not just some kind of Adam Sandler "I'm Crazy Right-Wing Troll Man!" shaggy dog shit. I want you to sell me on you as you, and not just as another angry, potty-mouthed troll. You owe it to me, you owe it to the readers, you owe it to the internet; but most of all, you owe it to yourself.
WASHINGTON -- The Associated Press sued the Pentagon and the Air Force on Tuesday, seeking access to all records of George W. Bush's military service during the Vietnam War.Filed in federal court in New York, where The AP is headquartered, the lawsuit seeks access to a copy of Bush's microfilmed personnel file from the Texas State Library and Archives Commission in Austin.
The White House says the government has already released all the records of Bush's military service.
Controversy surrounds Bush's time in the Texas Air National Guard because it is unclear from the record what duties he performed for the military when he was working on the political campaign of a U.S. Senate candidate in Alabama.
About time.
They (whoever they are, in this case) have beheaded Kim Sun-il, the Korean captive in Iraq, on video. This is in addition to the extensively photographed beheading of Paul Johnson a few days ago, and the videotaped beheading of Nick Berg last month. Additionally, the recent beheading (untaped, apparently) of an Afghan interpreter and soldier has been answered by the beheading of four Taliban soldiers.
Beheading prisoners of war (and civilians - we weren't always so particular about these things) is probably as old as war. It is disgusting, and it leaves behind a grisly trophy, which can be used to intimidate, or to demonstrate one's power. In medieval Europe, the head would be placed on a pike. During the French Revolution, the heads of recently-guillotined political prisoners were held up in front of cheering crowds. The videotaped beheading of Russian soldiers was apparently quite common in Chechnya. It's now used in Iraq.
My point is that there's a huge propaganda component to beheading, and cheap video technology extends the effective reach of this propaganda immeasurably. These aren't spontaneous acts, and the video is not a candid look inside anything; they are calculated to send a message to friends and enemies - we are strong, we are brutal, be afraid, be horrified, be angry. The videos are terrorist propaganda, purely. That these videos may serve other people's propaganda purposes as well does not change this fact at all, and should be cause for some serious reflection.
