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holy crap an dupdate on this name?! [22 Apr 2003|03:00am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | agaisnt me! ] since i am thinking of deleting this journal i thougt i would post my new lj name for those of you who don't know it: ghostship add it if you haven't already. vaya con dios. xoxo 8 baby eaters| hungry?

the end, my friends, the end. [28 Feb 2003|12:41am] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | rilo kiley ] those last two pathetically true outpourings (plus this goodbye) will be the last thing you ever see in this journal. it's time to leave it all behind. i can't take much of anything anymore. i miss jess more than words can say. i hate the situation i am in and i hate how i feel all the time. here comes a new begining. i have made a new journal. if you want to be added to the friends list let me know. i am out of here for good. it's been a nice year and half. jess, please feal better and never forget about me. and friends the same goes for you. i'll be around. don't be surprised if you see a strange name added to your friend of: list. the last song in here is for YOU: i'll be the grapes fermented, bottled and served with the table set in my finest suit like a perfect gentleman i'll be the fire escape that's bolted to the ancient brick where you will sit and contemplate your day i'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning in an open tab when your judgement's on the brink i'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep... i'll be the platform shoes and undo what heredity's done to you: you own't have to strain to look into my eyes i'll be your winter coat buttoned and zipped straight to the throat and with the collar up so you won't catch cold i want to take you far from the cynics in this town and kiss you on the mouth we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of this scene, start a brand new colony where everything will change, we'll give ourselves new names (identities erased) the sun will heat the ground under our bare feet in this brand new colony everything wil change, ooo ooo... just comment if you want added to my new friends list 39 baby eaters| hungry?

this should have gone before the previous post [27 Feb 2003|08:28am] [ mood | done ] [ music | kind of like spitting and also the cure ] There's no way out of the trouble you're in. You told her you loved her, more than a friend. Your secrets out, you've flushed your hand. Now she looks at you differently, kinda looks at you differently. So now that your out there and you don't know what to do, she says, "you blew it kid, you opened your heart up too soon." You enjoy the pleasures of one another's company. There's many childish ways to misbehave. But now it seems with no more to offer thee, I let the dumbest smile, just cross my face cuz I never want you to see. Now that I'm out here and I only think of you, you say, "You blew it kid, you opened your heart up too soon." You say, "You blew it kid, you opened your heart up too soon" --- everyone's so convinced everything they know is true and all i believed in was you, and i still do ---- Remember the first time I told you I love you It was raining hard and you never heard You sneezed! and I had to say it over "I said 'I love you'" I said...you didn't say a word Just held your hands to my shining eyes And I watched as the rain ran through your fingers Held your hands to my shining eyes and smiled as you kissed me "If you die," you said, "so do I" you said... And it starts the day you make the sign "Tell me I'm forever yours and you're forever mine Forever mine..." "If you die," you said, "so do I" you said... And it starts the day you cross that line "Swear I will always be yours and you'll always be mine You'll always be mine Always be mine..." Remember the last time I told you I love you It was warm and safe in a perfect world You yawned and I had tos ay it over "I said 'I love you'" I said...you didn't say a word Just held your hands to your shining eyes And I watched as the tears ran through your fingers Held your hands to your shining eyes and cried "If you die," you said, "so do I" you said... But it ends the day you see how it is There is no always forever...just this... Just this... "If you die," you said, "so do I" you said But it ends the day you understand There is no if...just and There is no if...just and There is no if... hungry?

i can hardly stand, much less the sight of myself [27 Feb 2003|06:09am] [ mood | over with ] [ music | the good life ] this post is to everyone and no one. it's 6 in the morning and i am crying in front of josh and shaun's computer. dan is passed out in the other room. i love dan. i am falling apart completely. this is over with. i am so tired. i am so tired of everything. i came down here and had the most awesome friday ever except that jess wasn't there and we all know i need jess to be there. then i recieved the mail from adam that started the final blow to my life. i didn't do anything wrong. at least in the adam email departemnt. as far as everything else goes i did everything wrong. i have now had to drop out of school because i had no place to live in tampa. i came back here and my answer to everything was to keep myself fucked up on drugs and not think. i started that. someone stole all of my c.d.'s out of my car at ruths monday night.tuesday night i drove everyone to the good life, got upset and tried calling jess a million times. drove home, stayed up all night and then got high. had breakfast with katie, omar, and matt while high and hadnt slept. katie is amazing for putting up with and driving us. i left my car at perkins. got droppe doff to sleep at 12pm yesterday and slept until 3:30 this morning. woke up and walked a few miles to pick up my car. drove to josh and shauns. did alot of thinking on my walk. and elyse, stephie, randal, and hilary bayman: i am sorry. it doesnt matter for what. but i wronged you all in some way. i am a wreck. my whole life has officiallyy collapsed. the end. i just want someone to come here and hold me and make things ok. i sound like dan and i dont care. i dont care at all. everything is fucked. somebody help me please. i just need the support. i do i do i do and i need jess. but she doesnt need me that way. so i write all this emo bullshit. i am so fucked. i am fucke dup. i've blown everything ive ever had. i am sober for the first time in almost a week. i cant stop crying. everything i love i lose and oh my friends i am sorry you even know me i am sorry i was ever born. i am so sorry. i love you all. i miss you jess. everyone who hates me is right. so right. so sorry. if anyone is awake and wants to waster their time in talking to me or coming to see me then call me 239-810-2556 i give up. always and forever yours. goodnight. 15 baby eaters| hungry?

you keep twisiting the truth [25 Feb 2003|05:46am] [ mood | fucked up ] [ music | nopee ] Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face Do You Realize - we're floating in space - Do You Realize - that happiness makes you cry Do You Realize - that everyone you know someday will die And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know You realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round Do You Realize - Oh - Oh - Oh Do You Realize - that everyone you know Someday will die - And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know You realize that life goes fast It's hard to make the good things last You realize the sun doesn't go down It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round Do You Realize - that you have the most beautiful face Do You Realize i dont think you realize this. i do.i miss you and i am the nost retarded person ever. what am i doing? fuck 3 baby eaters| hungry?

and then i shoot myself...rock. [24 Feb 2003|01:30am] [ mood | gloomy ] [ music | pop pop pop pop "stop" ] so that i am falling asleep exhaust in my eyes well these angry hands they know they're damned if i should die before i awake well make no mistake im dieing anyway and this time that we have will soon end they're waiting in silence for you and i heard you tell all youre friends that you couldn't wait till it's through well its through who's saving us now from the bitter strings of the jealous sound? who's saving us now well we'll figure it out know that i couldn't accept i cannot deny and these angry hands they won't understand i drove straight through texas. i signed with o's and x's my heart will break and i know that i can't take your exit your exit. ouch. hungry?

rock to the max [23 Feb 2003|09:14pm] [ mood | confused ] [ music | smashing pumpkins - eye ] stupid. everything. world. not friends. friends good. i am moving back in with dan. doot. as for everything else, well i don't want to talk about it to much except to say that adam has shown his retardation and lack of anything except willingness to ditch people and try and blackmail them. apparently there's no proof except his word...and well, we all see how far that carries. as for the main reason i'm upset, well, i don't even wanna argue about ehr anymore. i can't help how i feel although i am quite sure i make sense. "so cute you give me a headache a black hole stole your heart" sorry that i cared. the end. Butter on a summer day When she's around I was on the tracks When the gate came down Suddenly I recognized Those bloodshot rearview mirror eyes as mine I heard that whistle call my name I almost drove away But Megan I had a feeling that you would be on that train So I just waited there for you Caught a ride to another town Where the air was clean And the sun never goes down Everyone was standing in a line Between the landing and the stairs I heard somebody call my name I almost climbed the stairs But Megan I had a feeling that someday you'd meet me there So I just waited there for you Butter on a summer day When I hear that name It's a dream that never came true Sat down on the tracks And waited for a train to take me back to you Somebody came and took my hand I finally had to go But Megan I just want you to know That I waited as long as I could Butter on a summer day when she's around 2 baby eaters| hungry?

at least my life is awesome ...psyche. [23 Feb 2003|04:36am] [ mood | crazy ] [ music | i love matt and stacie ] so i originally got online to post how i was feeling about a different fucked up situation and ended up recieivng adams email and got sidetracked by his retardation. the only finally effects of that scenerio are: *i will have to move out of the aparment bcuz i cant stand to live with someone as slimy as him. (which means i may have to drop school until next semsester as i have no place to live in tampa) *everyone can see what a dispicable slime ball adam is. *i got to write adam an incredibly funny email in response letting him know exactly what i think of him. but none of that is either here nor there, bcuz adams shit is ridiculous much like himself. the thing that had me upset tonight in the first place is my heart. which has been broken to a million peices by someone who doesnt even care. i was used to get over somebody then told by the person that used me that she wanted to be friends with me. apparently being friends means not talking to me or caring how i feel about anything. so, i give up. i care about you so much and all you have done is taken advantage of me and disregarded my feelings completely. i miss you more than anything and you dont care if i'm alive. the story of my life. shane gets fucked over again and again by people who supposedly care. rock ass to the max. i'll give your c.d.'s to someone to give to you. i'm sorry if i sound bitter or hurt...but i am. go team go. lets pretend we're not needy lets pretend our hearts still beat lets pretend we fall in love tonight clumsy enough to fall for anything well stumble on our words well spill our guts on creaking bar stools below the neon blue low lives hiding in dives theres no feeling in drinking sleeping with strangers ghosts passing through bedrooms unaware a faint reflection on the barbacks mirror a face i never knew whispering, please dont be a stranger to me. who are you if you're alone you're no good at pretending all my plays have tragic endings you wish i was a fairy tale this frog will never change anything just pretend that youre in love that scolding sun is bound to come up eventually so who is it that whispers in your ear a haunting voice blows in through the window theres no feeling floating over beds a needy pleading apparition crying 'who am i if im alone? i hardly exist at all. lets pretend that we dont need anything anymore from anyone. i dont want to feel anything anymore for anyone lets just pretend' well live happily ever after i love my life. i aint afraid of no ghosts. 15 baby eaters| hungry?

i hate the shape of things to come [21 Feb 2003|01:05am] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | ryans house ] A night in June I'm crawlin' out from a silk cocoon I hit the town Put on my shoes Cause Friday night I fall in love She comes into view From out of nowhere A girl so cool She makes me sick of my excuses Now I gotta see this through Does she see me? Can she hear me? What I'm thinking to say to her? Tell me what you want I'll be it Darling it's anything you want Look no more Just let me stay the night I'll sleep on the floor Tell me what you see I'll see it even if it's invisible to everyone I think you know that I can see you girl So don't fight it, love Just bouncin' through The dancefloor's beaming with kangaroos It's been so long since I felt good That now I don't know what to do She's got the moves Butterscotch hair splashes her perfume And when she smiles it's X-ray Definitely cuts through a crowded room Does she see me? Can she hear me? What I'm thinking to say to her? Tell me what you want I'll be it Darling it's anything you want Look no more Just let me stay the night I'll sleep on the floor Tell me what you see I'll see it even if it's invisible to everyone I think you know that I can see you girl So don't fight it, love And I wish I could And I wish I would Everytime I think I, I think should I feel I'm no good Tell me what you want I'll be it Darling it's anything you want Look no more Just let me stay the night I'll sleep on the floor Tell me what you see I'll see it even if it's invisible to everyone I think you know that I can see you girl So don't fight it, loveDont fight it love fight it love, whoa whoa things are not rocking ass. if only i were a were-chinchilla. hungry?

and i'm off [20 Feb 2003|05:09pm] [ mood | shakey ] [ music | bright eyes - let's not shit ourselves ] i'm tired of sleeping with myself. i'm tired and all these drinks and drugs no longer help. i'm tired of lieing about not thinking of you. xoxo 4 baby eaters| hungry?

i wanna live my life like somebodys shadow [20 Feb 2003|04:08pm] [ mood | scared ] [ music | bright eyes ] "it's cool, we can still be friends" Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek Yeah, you still kiss me, but it's just on the cheek Yeah, you still kiss me sometimes, but it's just on the cheek You pull away so easily And I still call you, but I get your machine And I still call you, but I get your machine And if I'm lucky I guess, I get your roommate answering But you're at the bar, or at Gene's And we go to dinner, but you won't hold my hand We sit at the same table, but we don't play with our feet Yeah, we still go to dinner sometimes, but we don't sneak a kiss When the waitress turns around And we still watch movies, but we don't share the couch And we still rent movies, but we don't share the couch Yeah, we still watch movies sometimes, but you don't lay in my lap The plot is slow, take a nap And you even stay over, but now we stay in our clothes Yeah, you'll even sleep over, but now we stay in our clothes Yeah, you even sleep over sometimes, but we stay in our clothes I'm only there so that you're not alone And you say that I hurt you, in a voice like a prayer Yeah, you say that I've hurt you, and your voice is like a prayer Yeah, well maybe I hurt you sometimes, but let's contrast and compare Lift up your shirt, the wound isn't there I guess that your truth, is just the ghost of your lies I guess your kind of truth, is just the ghost of your lies Yeah, your kind of truth, darling, is just the ghost of your lies I see through them all the time So I'm pouring some whiskey, I'm gonna get drunk Yeah, I'm pouring myself some whiskey, I'm going to get really fucking drunk I'm pouring some whiskey right now, I'm going to get so, so drunk That I pass out, forget your face, by the time I wake up hopefully that isn't taken too much out of context. i'm just at a loss for words right now. off to meet kip and then head to fo' town for the weekend. everyone and their mom should call me: 239-810-2556 xoxo hungry?

if he spins fast enough then maybe the broken peices of his heart will stay together [20 Feb 2003|06:41am] [ mood | frustrated ] [ music | the jealous sound ] settle in for the night, it's the quiet life you've been waiting for. and all that you want, it will be there. well, don't you believe me? well, don't believe me anymore. i see you're scared as you stand on those stairs. i don't ask because you won't come back to me. my heart grows heavy. you can't start when you're not ready for this. i know its fast. the hesitation dies but you won't outlast. by the time you see what's left the distance will grow. i suppose you're all out of breath and i should have known. it feels like nothing but a hand keeps touching your heart. the first time you can't make sure. you better hold still, you're so smart. my heart, your hand. i swear i understand. i will never sleep again, i'll never even close my eyes. hungry?

you're setting fires inside my head [20 Feb 2003|02:42am] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | cursive ] hot water music's 'caution' is a great album. ...for serious. well, at least live journal is done being a fucktard. in the past two days i have burned c.d.'s for a few people and even a few for myself. the 3 i've made for me so far are: james taylor - greatest hits the shins - oh, inverted world spoon - girls can tell all three c.d.'s are rock-ass-tastic to the max. i went to my english class late today because for some reason i thought it started a half hour later then it actually does. that's very odd because i've been going for over a month now. maybe i'll have to cut down on the weekend pot smoking ...psyche. i missed class but it's no big whoop. you'll be accepting my apology for taking things too seriously sometimes i'm old enough to to keep routines, sometimes i'm child enough to scream for everything i broke in two you're barely missing me, i'm missing you and everything you do i really do my once photographic memory for recollection's sake is failing me i can't remember for the life of me sometimes i can think to recite words that i read and rewrite my pens paint people that i've proven wrong, but we move on get a job where i can tell all of my accounts of someone else i'm quick enough to judge that they were wrong and that we knew it all along sing a long long-winded song i would be content to hum along if i state that my fingers know where to show what everyone should have known, i'll let it go hopefully you'll forget that words that i put in print my luck, you'll change and have strength enough to walk away things aren't good, they're just not as horrible. nite nite all. ...and the truth is, i miss you. 2 baby eaters| hungry?

let's lay our bad day down here dear, let's make belive we're strong [19 Feb 2003|06:32pm] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | the weakerthans / the microphones ] attention space commanders: my oil has been changed! yes. and also, it's amazing that i can be having a good day just because you took the time to hope i had one. time for to make food go in mouth. A soft breeze with the slippery concrete black and full of muddy slush, contrasting with the hoarfrost, clean and hung on a tunnel of silent shivering trees (the ones you said you'd like to be), and the birds that screamed at the sun now buried deep down below the ground, beneath the snow, I press my shoulder to this wall between us. I know you are behind me but I press my shoulder to this wall, determined not to turn around. I know I'll see you standing, still that statue that I molded in my mind to kiss, so beautiful you'll never move again. Someplace far away, at some sad table littered with chipped plates, with bad light, in 48 frames from a movie on the cutting room floor, you said "True meaning would be dying with you", and though I wanted to, I did not smile. But now I will give up on this wall that we have fought with, never uncover meaning behind our rich words. If I could I would make you a raging river, with angry rapids, supplied with rain, so you could always meander and forever be able to run away without contending with myths wrongly interpreted with pain. A harsh wind. xoxo hungry?

a few other things to look forward to: [19 Feb 2003|01:20am] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | christopher walken on conan ] *i just ordered the postal service's single for 'such great heights'. it has the original plus iron and wine covering the same song and the shins covering 'we will become silouettes'. how fucking awesome is that? *also i decided to download the band minus the bear because not only does it contain members of sharks keep moving but they are opening for cursive next month. as for how much they rock, well look at their c.d. names and song titles and be amazed. This Is What I Know About Being Gigantic: 1. Hey, Wanna Throw Up? Get Me Naked 2. Lemurs, Man, Lemurs 3. Just Kickin' It Like a Wild Donkey 4. Potato Juice and Liquid Bread 5. Pantsuit... Uggghhh 6. [Untitled Track] 7. [Untitled Track] and Highly Refined Pirates 1. Thanks for the Killer Game of Crisco® Twister 2. Monkey!!! Knife!!! Fight!!! 3. Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse 4. Hey, Wanna Throw Up? 5. Get Me Naked 2: Electric Boogaloo 6. We Are Not a Football Team 7. You Kill Bugs Good, Man 8. Spritz!! Spritz!!! 9. Women We Haven't Met Yet 10. Damn Bugs Whacked Him, Johnny 11. I Lost All My Money at the Cock Fights 12. Andy Wolff 13. Let's Play Guitar in a Five Guitar Band 14. Booyah Achieved that's right. awesome to the max. for serious. *i love my music and my friends. i hope everything gets better from here on out. i'm thinking it's a sign the freckles in our eyes are mirror images... 4 baby eaters| hungry?

breathing has officially become a little easier [19 Feb 2003|12:06am] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | iron and wine ] The rain it started tappin' On the window near my bed There was a loophole in my dreamin' So I got out of it And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open Just my nightstand and my dresser Where those nightmares had just been So I dressed myself and left then Out into the gray streets But everything seemed different And completely new to me The sky the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body And each person I encountered I couldn't wait to meet And I came upon a doctor Who appeared in quite poor health I said there's nothing I can do for you that you can't do for yourself He said oh yes you can, just hold my hand, I think that that would help so I sat with him awhile Then I asked him how he felt He said I think I'm cured No, in fact, I'm sure of it Thank you, stranger For your therapeutic smile So that's how I learned the lesson That everyone's alone And your eyes must do some raining If you're ever gonna grow And when crying don't help You can't compose yourself It's best to compose a poem An honest verse of longing Or a simple song of hope That's why I'm singing baby don't worry 'Cause now I got your back And every time you feel like crying I'm gonna try and make you laugh And if I can't If it just hurts too bad Then we'll wait for it to pass And I will keep you company for those days so long and black And we'll keep working on the problem We know we'll never solve Our love's un-even remainders Our lives are fractions of a whole But if the world could remain within a frame Like a painting on a wall Then I think we'd see the beauty then We'd stand staring in awe At our still lives posed Like a bowl of oranges Like a story told By the fault-lines in the soil things will be ok. ...even if it did hurted. 6 baby eaters| hungry?

this can't be happening, happening, happening,happening, happening ...it is. [18 Feb 2003|08:41pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | the pilfers ] the bright side: i got a few things settled with my school. les savy fav is playing with the faint in florida. i am getting an oil change tomorrow. * matt/stacie = i hope you told your drama teacher to call me* everything else is the same. but i've realized that i can't do anything about it. i'm not giving up but i am backing off. i'll still be here whenever. opened up my heart to you 'cuz i cared for you the most and you did to me what i feared the worst. 4 baby eaters| hungry?

no more tonight. no more tonight. i cant handle anymore tonight. [18 Feb 2003|02:18am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | alkaline trio ] It hasn't been that long Since we drank to the sunset, until it was gone And down with it went our pain and fear As we slowly broke contact more and more with every beer And we passed out in each other's arms Both admitting we'd never felt better Never felt so warm But awoke in each other's eyes Without wearing a stitch of clothing We were both deeply in disguise And maybe I just set aside The fact that you were broken hearted In my own special selfish way And if I hadn't set aside The fact that you were broken hearted Hell knows where your heart would be today Maybe with me It seems like it's been so long Since we kissed through the darkness Until it was dawn Up with it came our pain and fear That we'd already lost each other We both knew that the end was near Maybe I just set aside The fact that you were broken hearted In my own special selfish way And if I hadn't set aside The fact that you were broken hearted Hell knows where your heart would be today Maybe with me Maybe with me Maybe with me Maybe with me Maybe with me Maybe with me Shot down -it's just such a shame. I bet you feel no pain. Mercy! Expect a rivalry. Shot down -it's just such a shame. I'm losing at this game. No fair! Why don't you seem to care. My body will never live up to these expectations... I still make invitations. Oh! Oh Goddamnit. I think I've lost it and I think that I've lost you. Do you remember the story of the boy and his first date? She took him to the lake and he fell in love She spent one summer waking up between his arms She told him how good that felt, told him he was the one And then she went away, his calls were not returned He went to see her but her eyes were burning a different stare The focus was somewhere else And that feeling had somehow disappeared Do you remember when they both drove out of state? Stealing kisses behind her cousins back, with a love so strong tell me who could wait When it seems so right and it feels so right Man, it had to be right When it seems so right and it feels so right Man, it had to be right gotta be right When it seems so right and it feels so right Man, it had to be right But then she went away and she's not coming back and I'm pretty sure that boy is staying in tonight i don't feel like sleeping but i don't want to be awake. 1 baby eater| hungry?

did that hurted? [18 Feb 2003|12:53am] [ mood | shaking ] [ music | ouch. ] i'd appreciate it if you read this. *i never really had a problem because of leaving but everything reminds me of her this evening so if i seem a little out of it, sorry but why should i lie? everything reminds me of her the spin of the earth impaled a silhouette of the sun on the steeple and i gotta hear the same sermon all the time now from you people "why are you staring into outer space crying? just because you came across is and lost it?" everything reminds me of her.* this post is broken up with songs bcuz it helps me put feelings in context. i don't know what to do anymore. i ruined everything and i don't know how. but i do know that people should just leave jess alone about this bcuz i dont want her upset. i also know that i appreciate my friends very much...almost as much as i love them. *It’s finally happened and he’s making his peace All the reminders don’t bother him in the least The Jekyll and Hyde shit will finally cease His eyes on fire and his hands kind of shake Like his voice is ready to break You kind of wonder how long this boy’s been awake Or how much less sense one person can make If he spins fast enough than maybe the broken pieces of his heart will stay together But ain’t no gyroscope can spin forever, yea If he spins fast enough than maybe the broken pieces of his heart will stay together But ain’t no gyroscope can spin forever, yea Happiness is such hard work, and it gets harder every day And it can kill you, but no one wants to be that tacky about it, yea If you spin fast enough than maybe the broken pieces of your heart will stay together But some things I’ve seen lately make me doubt it.* and so, yes. i know i contradicted myself a bit on certain things but what has remained constant is how much i care. i'm not even going to go on in detail in here anymore. i want things to be ok and i want you to care about me. that's all i know. i'll do whatever i can to make you happy. even if it's leaving you alone. just tell me what you want. i will always be here for you. *But I’m not unsympathetic I see why you left There’s no one to know There’s nothing to do The city’s been dead Since you’ve been gone… Oh I never had just whatever it is you want, baby And I really tried, I tried with all my might—it made me crazy To try to figure out what it is I’ve done wrong every time When everything I love, everything I hold dear Heads out sometime And all I ever say now is good-bye.* all i'm asking for is an actual chance. hungry?

i am finally seeing, that i was the one worth leaving [17 Feb 2003|11:33pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | i seriously can hear my heart beat...and break ] But now we speak with ruined tongues and the words we say aren’t meant for anyone It’s just a mumbled sentence to a passing acquaintance But there was once you You said you hate my suffering and you understood and you’d take care of me You'd always be there, well where are you now? Haligh, haligh, haligh, haligh The plans were never finalized But left to hang like yarn and twine dangling before my eyes i tried. i am trying christ, this is even harder to deal with than i thought it would be. hungry?

losing direction of our affections indeed [16 Feb 2003|04:51pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | randy ] more like: according to the facts so casually you layed before me off your interest died i'm nodding with your head just to agree and going against what i know in mine let me get my stupidity out of the way first. apparently i've fucked everything beyond repair by caring too much. whoever thought that would be a problem? this is for you and only you. if anything we had together meant anything at all, if you do care about me at all, then i only ask that it doesnt end like this. i don't want to lose you completely and you said the same thing. please: don't ever go away from here and i will never go away **** as for everything else, it sucks. but i love my friends more than life. i really think its bad now it has to be like this even if we were just friends, friends don't act like this. 9 baby eaters| hungry?

(and since i am online today) ENJOY YOUR DAY! [14 Feb 2003|04:09pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | matt ] So where'd you go? How was your vacation home? Well obviously you were busy, too busy for me So this is how you leave me? I'm broken hearted on the floor, My tears seep through the crack under my door Where I am locked in, shut down, I'm so tired of picking myself up off the ground So Happy Valentine's Day I hope the sun's out in New York I hope he bought you roses I hope he bought you roses So Happy Valentine's Day I hope the sun's out in New York I hope he bought you roses I hope he bought you roses 2 baby eaters| hungry?

happy screw me over day! [14 Feb 2003|04:03pm] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | ryan and matt ] fuck all. i can only hope things will get better today. i wanted to give you everything but you just wouldn't give me the chance hungry?

then you go in the chicken to go the the freezer [14 Feb 2003|02:52am] [ mood | high ] [ music | lullaby for the working class ] we need ryan here. and i need you here. apparently neveah changed their name to 'minus the fall'... minus the fall?! what the fuck is that. more like minus the talent, plus the stupidity, divided by retarded. also they won the mariner battle of the bands. that's funny for so many reasons. so i am pretty effed up right now. i miss jess. i guess i get to see her tomorrow for a bit and that's great. i was hopeing she would call me or get online (drunk or not) but nope. ok. wow. i am thinking crazy high. yup. dan is stupid. yup. me too. what a beautiful face i have found in this place. 4 baby eaters| hungry?

all the words will bleed from me and then i will think no more [13 Feb 2003|05:17pm] [ mood | sad ] [ music | james taylor - greatest hits ] i am going to class and then heading to fo' town. my cell is back in action so people should call me: 239-810-2556 everything is even worse now, if that's possible. at least i still have my friends. and since i probably won't be online tomorrow (nor do i think you plan on seeing me tomorrow) here's your valentines day post: So where'd you go? How was your vacation home? Well obviously you were busy, too busy for me So this is how you leave me? I'm broken hearted on the floor, My tears seep through the crack under my door Where I am locked in, shut down, I'm so tired of picking myself up off the ground So Happy Valentine's Day I hope the sun's out in New York I hope he bought you roses I hope he bought you roses So Happy Valentine's Day I hope the sun's out in New York I hope he bought you roses I hope he bought you roses bye all. xo i'll never stop caring. hungry?

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