Out and about
I'm going to be away for most of the next week or so, and as most of it will be spent in a tent far away from the internet, you'll have to go somewhere else for your fun for a while. Never mind, Matt's back from holiday now, so you can find a fair dose of snarkines there, I'm sure.

Football trivia
One (probably unwelcome) first was achieved by the Portuguese side last night - they were the first home side to lose the final of a European Championship they hosted.

It's happened a couple of times in the World Cup - Sweden in 1958, Brazil in 1950 - but up till now any European Championship hosts reaching the final had won it, though it has to be said that ever since the tournament expanded from to 8 teams in 1980 (and 16 from 1996), Platini's 1984 French side were the only other hosts to make it to the final.

It's happened a few more times in the Copa America, but that's probably because it's been held more often than any other tournament. Tunisia (in 1965) and Nigeria (2000) have suffered the same fate in the African Nations Cup. In 1996, the UAE joined the club by losing in the final of the Asian Nations Cup they hosted and probably the most reluctant members are Australia who lost the 1998 Oceanian Nations Cup Final in Brisbane to old rivals New Zealand. Portugal can at least be glad it wasn't a defeat by Spain.

Meanwhile, on Planet Watson
You know, if he wasn't an MP and therefore in some position of supposed power, Tom Watson's view of the world would be quite amusing.

I'm not sure which is more amusing - the reference to Lib Dems wearing sandals - a joke so hackneyed even Lib Dem Watch must think it's dated, a Blairite New Labour MP complaining about 'London spin machines' or just his wondering if the aforementioned spin machine will let Nicola Davies speak when it's taken him a week to mention the Labour candidate's name?

Still, it must just me a minor technical glitch that means I can find no quotes from The Labour Candidate Who Cannot Be Named, or even a mention of his name, on Labour's own website.

Behold the power of the blog, part 29
Things to remember if you're going to go to the newspapers with a kiss-and-tell story: while cutting a few years off your age to make yourself a twentysomething might increase the cash you get from The Sun, if you are planning to do it, it's a good idea to check that no one you knew at school has a blog and can point out that you're a big fat liar.

Because it will no doubt amuse that small part of my audience that happens to be either Lebanese or a traffic reporter...
Man lands plane on Beirut highway.

They're back...
A full list of the candidates for Hodge Hill and Leicester South can be found here. Certain bloggers may be interested to note that the (definitely not quasi-fascist, oh no) English Democrats have a candidate in Hodge Hill while the NF have now returned under the new name of 'National Front Protect Our Children's Future'. Somehow, I doubt that includes every child in Hodge Hill.

Meanwhile, we also have 'Operation Christian Vote Promoting Christ's Lordship' - either because since reform of the Upper House, he's lost his seat or one of their policies is to make him Lord Christ of Jerusalem.

Leicester South features Yvonne Ridley for the Courage, Strength and Indefatigability Respect Coalition. Unfortunately, the presence of David Paul Roberts of the Socialist Labour Movement means she won't be listed on the ballot paper directly above RU Seerius from the Official Monster Raving Loony Party. That would have been a nice juxtaposition.

The gloves come off
Lenin remembers the Bill Hicks quote I should have used in Tom Watson's comments:

I am no fan of the Lib Dems, but perhaps one good reason why crack heads and junkies shouldn’t go to jail is because THEY’RE NOT CRIMINALS. They’re sick. Sick people don’t get better in jail. If some of them are guilty of crimes, then perhaps the answer is to try them for the crimes they are guilty of rather than for the drug they’re addicted to.

You sound like an embittered acolyte of Lord Tebbit, not a Labour MP.

Meanwhile Dave (through whom I found the above quote) comes up with a new word and issues a little challenge:

If you live in Birmingham and have the opportunity to take any photos of our Tom looking even slightly Hitchensed please send them to me. I’ll be happy to put them up.

Unfortunately, the Dupe isn't an answer to this quiz but I'm sure he fits in there somewhere. You're me besht mate, you are, Ahmed. Buy me another drink and then I'll tell everyone just how great you are.

Cidade de Deus
I finally got around to updating the 'Listening/Reading/Watching' lists in the sidebar, mainly because I saw the amazing City Of God during the week and wanted to make sure I recommended it to all of you.

Anyway, while checking out the listing for it on IMDb, I found the following bit of information in the trivia for it, which I found almost as disturbing as some of the film:

One day, during a pause of the shooting the group of kids who played the Runts approached screenwriter Braulio Mantovani and asked him if it was true that the movie would end with their characters controlling the slum. When he confirmed, they asked if he could write a sequel for them to star in.

Wandering off the reservation
How long will Johann Hari remain on Harry's Place with a disgusting attitude like this?

The US continues to support barbaric anti-democratic forces, from Uzbekistan to Saudi Arabia. If Oliver North faced justice, that too would have to change - and the US government doesn't want it. So rejoice with the Iraqi people at the trial of Saddam - but remember that, for today, American justice visits only Baghdad.

Doesn't he understand that the US is the home of all that is Righteous and Good? Doesn't he understand that pointing out any perceived flaws in the US only helps the terrorists?

You know you want it
Look out for light blogging from many people on Monday afternoon as they listen avidly to Five Live to try and win a part in the Hitchhiker's movie.

Proof
I've said before that we're living in a fictional universe, probably just comedy fodder for readers of some Onion-equivalent website in the real universe. You've scoffed at my theory before, I know, but how do you feel when you read this story?:

U.S. Secretary of State donned a hard hat and tucked a hammer in his belt Friday, performing a version of the Village People's hit "YMCA" at the conclusion of Asia's largest security meeting.

More here, here or here, if you don't believe me.

There are pictures too:


Who's laughing now, eh?

Unintended consequences
Dave has a good post on extrasolar planets that ends with a great summary of the benefits of science:

Why should the taxpayer fund a project which reminds even me of the scene in ‘Babe’ where the farm animals watch a firework display and go “Ooooh, …. Ahhhh…."? Because since the Enlightenment, personal wealth, comfort, safety, likelihood of children reaching maturity, health, in short every index of the requirements for a good life have rocketed. When all the prejudiced nutcases call the West ‘civilised’ in comparison to the Middle East, what they mean is that we had Newton and Galileo. Science, IMO, depends on serendipity (actually this is my approach to everything: blogging, photography, programming, writing, dating): do a lot of it, and amazing things happen. We need more Hubbles.

Watson Watch
Two things:

1) Obviously, I missed the change in the election regulations, whereby all by-elections now just feature solely a Liberal Democrat candidate. Or, is the Mighty Tom under some strange vow of Omerta whereby Labour's spin doctors have banned anyone from using their candidate's name? Maybe they'll announce it at the same time as they get a local website that mentions a by-election is taking place?

2) Did I miss the post where he says he was getting rid of his mobile phone because of the danger of phone masts? It must make him hard to contact and give the latest party orders to, but I assume he doesn't have one because of all the concern he shows for the effect of phone masts. Otherwise, one would just have to assume that a politician is being incredibly hypocritical, and that can't be true.

Oh Canada, we chew the pulp for thee
Via Pandagon, I discover a story about how Canadians are being warned not to eat their ballot papers when they go to vote.

The issue was of sufficient concern to warrant inclusion in the site's "Frequency asked Questions" section, above answers to such inquiries as "Why should I vote?" and "Am I registered?"

Three Alberta men were charged with eating their paper ballots during Canada's last federal election, in 2000. The members of the Edible Ballot Society were protesting against what they said was a lack of real choice among candidates.

I can't be the only person to be thinking of Adam Yoshida right now, can I? Or is the worry there more that all the foaming at the mouth just makes him look like he's eating ballot papers all day long?

Maybe it's time for Watson watch
It's certainly a place to see the not-so-creeping authoritarianism of the Labour Party come out in force. Today's gem:

They should stick to the issues - like why they don't want crack heads and junkies to go to jail.

Perhaps Tom could stick to the issues, too, and tell us why he believes all addicts should be imprisoned? Or is he too busy claiming that discussing the content of Labour leaflets is 'dirty tricks'?

Tom Watson's memory
And mine as well...thought about this earlier in the week, then forgot to post it. He wrote:

Its been ages since I worked in a by-election. Over the years I've done dozens. Wirral South, Dudley, Tamworth, Hamilton South, Fulham, Islwyn, West Brom West, Falkirk you name it, I've delivered leaflets there.

I'm sure there's at least one constituency missing from there, but then I guess last September was ages ago in the busy life of an MP:

Just to end a perfect day, I will be joining a group of MPs in a visit to the Brent East by-election.

The dangers of negative campaigning
I couldn't help but smile when I read this post by doctorvee. And, thinking about the Hodge Hill by-election, shouldn't Labour be hurrying up to select a candidate, or at least sorting out their own website?

When is a price increase not a price increase?
I've written before about the idiotically-named One Railway who now run my local train services, and tonight they've really managed to annoy me.

Now, as part of my job I do night shifts, which require me to travel to London in the evening and come back in the early morning. My train ticket for this journey used to cost £16.90. However, One, who promised that fares wouldn't increase when they took over the line, have now got rid of that fare, forcing me to instead buy two single tickets, pushing the cost of the journey up to £31. That's an 83% increase, if you don't want to do the maths yourself.

So, they've lived up to their promise of not actually increasing fares at all, but have managed to increase the cost of journeys by not making certain fares available any more. So, it's not a price increase, but it's costing me 83% more.

Complaints are being made, so we'll see what happens next.

Digging up the past
Whatever happened to Harry's proposed 'people's inquiry' into the anti-war movement?

I presume it's spent the last four months meeting in camera and will soon hand down its ritual denunciations of straw men judgements?

Sayings I'd like to ban
Football commentators referring to penalty shootouts as a 'lottery'. Is there a saying for something that's gone so far beyond cliche, without even being vaguely accurate?

Pockets of Laotian speakers
Can be found in Southern California and Seattle as well as Arlen, Texas. That's just one thing among many you can find out from using this rather fun interactive language map of the US (found via Davos Newbies). If nothing else, the mosaic patterns the counties make are rather pretty.

Explanations and excuses
I've got a new post up on Fistful about how some of the surprises in Euro 2004 can be explained by where the players are working when they're not playing for their country.

Because a swivel-eyed loon is for five years, not just election time
Anthony continues his swivel-eyed loon updates with some news of what the UKIPpers have been doing with themselves for the last couple of weeks. It's been a busy time for them:

Well, at the rate we've seen so far the next five years should a rollercoaster ride of lunacy: the days following their election success have already seen one of their new Members of the London Assembly settle a libel action out of court with his own party chairman for associating him with the BNP, the aforementioned party chairman resign, one of their newly elected MEPs appear in court on charges of benefit fraud, the appointment of one of their phalanx of disgraced former MPs as chief executive of the party, and the party toddle off to Europe to form an alliance with the ultra-nationalist, Christian fundementalist, anti-semitic "League of Polish Families", which opposes the EU as an anti-christian plot by freemasons and includes the holocaust denier Ryszard Bender as a prominent member. By one's friends shall we judge them...

Meanwhile (via Doctor Vee) here's news of UKIP's big day out in Brussels:

Mark Croucher, UKIP's affable press officer, also does not want the country to be ruled by Brussels.

But as he climbs into his 4X4 at the end of the morning's events, he can at least see one upside to Europe.

He tells me he is off to load up on "cheap fags and booze" before heading back to Blighty.

Quote of the day
'Civilisation is common defence plus waste management'

Says Councillor Happy, and now he's responsible for one of them on Cambridge City Council.

Long live the Last International!
Ken Macleod has a couple of short posts that may or may not be connected to The Stone Canal in some way.

And you thought fiction and reality could only merge in Kim Newman stories.

A shocking deterioration in quality
Last week, Sarah wondered if Norm had reached the dregs. This week, he's clearly pierced the bottom of the barrel and is down among the who-knows-what that's accumulated beneath it.

Or in other words, I'm the subject of this week's Normblog profile.