abrasivereality's LJ stalker is rainy!

rainy is stalking you because they heard you are awesome in bed, and they want to find out. They are also stalking the rest of your friends list!

current mood: dead sexxay

alright. so when i put my NaNoWriMo novel that i have been working on since november into the correct font for submissions, that being courier, it's 52 pages and 24,325 words. it's a complete rough draft aside from a little bit of research i need to do on motorcycle engines. that's it. i'm so freaking happy. by the end of the week i will pass that shit out to all my writer/editor friends. i have spoken to some of you already and i thank you for being so willing to take the time to read and critique my long short story. if anyone else out there would like a copy and is willing to give me feedback, just drop me a line and i'll link you to the completed version. i'm this close man, this close. gah that feels good.

current mood: working

today my paid account expired. goodbye 15 user icons. goodbye polls. haha. at least they didn't get my journal page layout. i win!

it's funny 'cause liberals say the media is too conservative and conservatives say that the media is too liberal. i say, "eat me."

talked to dad about the "war on terrorism" today in the van ride back from gramma's house where we were packing up all her stuff so she can move closer to portland since grandpa died. anyway, he's in full support of it. for religious reasons. he thinks of the U.S. as the Christian arch-angels to the persecuted Jews of the Middle East. i grew up with that mentality, so i don't know where i stand. he said that he is telling me these things to balance out what i hear from humanist propagandists. i told him that there is no balancing, 'cause i really don't know much about either side. he said that i am being fed secular humanist thought without even knowing it. i told him that all i know is that i don't want to be drafted and i don't want my friends to be drafted for something they don't believe in. whatever he said in response to that wasn't really a response and was more of a divergence.

that being said,
i don't know. i just don't know.

current mood: unknown

Do you think the memories will ever stop resurfacing? Just little things, like how a motorcyclist rests his left hand on his thigh while riding, or when I catch myself saying "you know?" at the end of a sentence, or when a cop drives by the park late at night. Just- these little things that adhere to my brain, reminding me of what I felt, in what, I thought, was a happier time. It's weird how one person, even over an incredibly short amount of time, can have such a massive impact on another.

I thought about Lewis (my first boyfriend) the other day. About the last time I saw him. When he was dropping me off at my parents' house after we had hung out after being broken up and in different states for over 8 months. I thought about how he made me cry. Some of the sorriest kind of tears, too. Ones brought on by an ache of guilt that should never have been felt. Guilt I didn't deserve, all because I wanted so desperately for someone to like me.

And then it's like you have that. You've felt that. That someone liking you... or you think you have, but you learn that you were wrong. And the person you thought cared about you doesn't even deserve your recognition, because he wasn't what or who he claimed to be.

I'm not upset. Not anymore. And I don't regret my feelings, I can't. I'm not hung-up on it all, either. I have more confidence now than ever in my life. But... he was right about one thing -- it'd be so much easier to forget.

Cliché #1: Life's not easy.
Cliché #2: You never forget your first.

I need a back massage.

Alright, so I took my bottles and can back to Safeway and was just 4 cans shy of buying a 6 pack of TP... so, all is okay. See, this is the way to work the system. Take the pop cans you buy with your food stamps, as well as the empty beer bottles your homies bought or brought then consumed to your humble abode, and bam! free toilet paper. Which is the way it should be, I must say. I mean, TP... where's the bang for your buck? Ya know? I ain't getting anything out of it... 'side a clean ass, and that's what showers are for. Um... yeah.

So, 76 (the gas station) has this new motto: Life happens between Empty and Full. Here's the thing... life doesn't happen between empty and full, if anything, it happens between full and empty. And, that is what the advertisements on television allude to as well. They refer to people driving around and having full in their cars and all this jazz. Well, as you're driving around, you're using your gas, thereby emptying your tank. So, life is happening between full and empty. It'd be a hella boring life if it only happened between empty and full. You sitting there with the engine off, tapping your foot, waiting for the gas attendant to come by to actually help you, cursing yourself and Oregon state law because you know you could do it faster. Anyway... the motto pisses me off.

And just a note. I haven't been sleeping well lately. I've been waking up every couple hours or so. Ever since I started the new job. The only night I didn't wake up a lot was Sunday night, when I was drunkish. Which is surprising, 'cause I usually wake more often during drunken slumbers. I suppose my body is still adjusting to the new sleep schdule. But I wish it would just hurry up and get used to it already.

current mood: eyeing a pack of marlboros

i am in desperate need of toilet paper and i do not have the funds with which to obtain said toilet paper. therefore, i am proposing this to you, my fellow eljayers. if you can spare some toilet paper, it would be much appreciated if you sent it to me in the mail. i would drive to pick it up... uh, on second though, some of you live mighty far away... but i do not have gas money either. i have 3 dollars in quarters to do laundry tomorrow and some pennies that were left by my roommate before she moved out. with that in mind, gimme your toilet paper, purdy please. :-D

all donations can be sent to:
Sarah Hulin
Pacific University, UC 567
2043 College Way
Forest Grove, OR 97116

muchos gracias in advance.
now i am off to spend my last 14.63 in food stamps. i do not know if they will be renewed for the summer.

current mood: silly yet serious

Rebecca: "Sarah, when you have some time can you go down to the morgue and retrieve Michael Mathews' [file]? Check and make sure he's not in the bin in the back before you go."

So, according to the Financial Aid Office, I have to resurrect Michael Mathews.

All I gotta say is, Do I have to?

current mood: slightly amused
current music: Boxer Bistro Muzak

$10.95

current mood: sad

so jeanne is moved out. well, she still has a couple things hanging out around the house that she will be picking up tomorrow... but essentially, she's gone. 8 1/2 months with that girl and now, no more roommate. it's sad... 'cause even though i basically hated her guts for a while there, i grew to like her and enjoyed the time we spent together. i would say that it's really quiet without her here, but that would be a lie because that huge ass fish tank still makes a mean ruckus. i can, however, say it's cold. and a little more lonely. hopefully that won't last long.

been looking through jeanne's/jason's old Maxim magazines. kinda scary. some of the advice they give is really good. some of it... well, i just hope guys know that they are joking. the good advice though... i hope it wasn't used on me, 'cause i have a feeling it may have been.

current mood: cold & nostalgic
current music: ice cream truck... and he's gone

so i just found out that once these three ladies are gone, i'll be the person who has been at the office the longest! crazy!!!

my boss is a fucking cunt
with a shitty attitude
and no respect for me.
i am glad she is resigning,
i just hope i happens sooner rather than later.
me: i wanted to talk to you about my pay rate.
her: (snotty) we did talk about it, you're getting ____.
me: yes, but i wanted to tell you that i think i deserve a raise, especially since i've been getting paid that all year and now i am working full time.
her: (not looking me in the eyes) i don't think that is in the budget. but i will definitely consider it. i will try to look at the budget today.
it took her a whole goddamn month to look at the budget to see if i could even work at this lousy place. unprofessional bitch. treating me like shit just 'cause i'm a student. fuck you.

current mood: pissed off

the shitty thing about drunk guys is that they never take notice that their personality meshes with a girl, instead their eyes are on the skinny, cute bitch.

current mood: suddenly tired
current music: i hope i don't wake up every 2 hours like the last 2 nights

you will not believe this. turns out, THREE of the people who work in my office are RESIGNING all at the SAME TIME. this is just nuts. nuts, man.

so apparently last thursday, during my couple days off before starting work at the financial aid office for the summer, kyle, one of our counselors, walked out. that's just craziness man. i had no idea... though i can tell you that many of the women in the office treated him like shit and would take advantage of his giving, sensitive nature. drama, drama. so, the person who has been there the longest is gillian (6.5 years), second up is rebecca who has been there for 2. nuts, huh? shit, i've been working there for three years as a work study student, so i've been there longer than all those others shmos. i've seen 9 people leave, and 8 people come in. i can't wait to be out of that place. there's got to be some fucked up bureaucratic shit going on in that pizzy for so many people to filter through there, that or super drama (which is at least partially the case knowing some of the people who work there). and on that note, lunch break's over. back to the grind.

current mood: annoyed

my birthday party was fun. at least, i had fun. i dunno about everyone else. all of us are pretty poor right now and can't really afford multiple drinks at multiple bars. i had another martini.. i'm thinking that that first one i had that i liked was vodka... that or really, really expensive gin. i will post pictures of my 21st here eventually. i've only got some of them from the picture takers... so until i get all of them, no boozed up birthday pics for you. but until then, to tide you over, check out the new 'do color:



bask in it's red hot gloriousness. renee and i bought dye together and now we have matching hair. we rock.

current mood: thirsty

taradiddle \tair-uh-DIH-dul\ noun

1 : fib
*2 : pretentious nonsense

Drank a lot last night, woke up with a pretty decent headache... though I'm sure it won't compare to the one I'll have tomorrow morning. Ha, HAHA.

I'm gaining weight back. Bah.

current mood: sleepy

Alright, I am now in possession of more food than can be eaten by a large Mormon family in a year. Holy shit! That's so much food. Half of which I do not know how to make... all these crazy curries and Asian noodles and whatnot. I have more seaweed than what sits at the bottom of the ocean. It's a good thing that I grew a taste for this stuff ('specially this Korean seasoned one I'm currently munching on - when I first tried it, you never could have told me that I would be happily munching on it a year later) or I'd be in trouble. Got some free booze too. Nothing I like so much though, 'cept I can use the Peach Schnapps to make Silk Panties, which is always a treat. Looks like I'll be figuring out how to make my own sushi... since I've got all this seaweed, oh! and spam musubis! Yum. I'm a regular Hawaiian at heart. Gettin' all this free food is doubly awesome because if I can't manage to get food stamps this summer, I'll already have a shit ton of grocery food items that I can survive off of for a month or so.

It sucks that school ended just a week and a half before my 21st birthday. I mean, that's got its bad points and its good points. Not many of my friends from Hawaii are 21 yet anyway, so they wouldn't be able to go out and celebrate. Though almost all of my other friends are (from high school, work, etc). So we're going to party hardy this Monday night. Bam! Then I'm going to go to a comedy club next Friday, that sounds fun... hopefully it is. Whether it is or not, it's free and I'll probably manage to get some free drinks that night too. Always a plus.

current mood: tired

so, after the recent arrival and even more recent departure of my last angelfish, oxygen ("ox" for short), i went to the fish store today and bought another one. it is very sad when your fish die so easily. angelfish are hella sensitive and diablo is an asshole. he picks on the new fish because they are smaller than him. so, i bought this plastic thingie so i can separate the fish. it makes the tank look tacky, but at least that way they can get used to each other and the new fish can get a little bigger before i let him share the waters with diablo. my new fish's name is thug (he's got some black under his eye that makes him look like he got into a brawl with another fish).

if i could do this fish thing all over again, i wouldn't have gone with semi-aggressive fish right off the bat. i would have done the more communal fish and just gotta a bunch of them. soon i will be fish sitting for my friends, joni and brook. they bought two koi that will be hanging out at my house all summer. i am also plant sitting for amy. a spider plant and something else, though i dunno what kind it is. my house is an aquatic greenhouse already, now it'll be even more so.

current mood: naughty
current music: Ludacris - "She Said"

oh god. i think i just creamed my pants.