| I know what you're thinking..."Why oh why didn't i take the blue pill?" |
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| 07:51pm 06/11/2003 | |||||
I didnt wake up... When i say the movie was too slow...i dont mean the action part of it...i'm talking about the whole damn movie...and i'm not just saying this because i have a tendancy of being an adrenalin action sequence whore...i do like other aspects of a good movies...Matrix Revolutions just fell short of all aspects In the first movie...interesting events happened one after another....bam bam bam...just like that....like i said events, not action The second was way too fucking boaring in the first half of the movie...luckily it picked up speed This time...none of the above....no interesting events...no compelling plot line...and only one cool action sequence... i'm a sucker for mechs... This movie is only driven on hype and fanbase alone...and a poor conclusion to what could have been one of the best trilogy of films to have come out for a long time...too bad "Everything that has a begining has an end" They should have ended this trilogy at the begining I give this movie a 5/10...if i erased 1 & 2 out of my mind before i watched this film or have never seen em'...i would have given this movie a 3.5/10 Thats just my opinion...watch it yourself oh yeah...please dont flame me for my opinion...because it is just that...if you have any difference in opinion...voice it in a civilized manner... I've seen how these things can escalate...i say it sucks...someone says "so does your mother"...it goes on like that...then five minutes later someone screams "MY EYE...THE CRITIC BIT OUT MY EYE!"...we dont want that |
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tired| movies and games |
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| 01:28am 31/10/2003 | |||||
( The Negotiator ) ( They Live ) ( Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles for X-Box ) ( Castlevania: Lament of Innocence ) |
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| oooo, scary. ... but not. |
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| 04:28pm 28/10/2003 | |||||
Scary Movie 3 Don't misunderstand any of this. There are some damn funny parts in Scary Movie 3. Damn. so funny. But the problem with Scary Movie 3, as with all its predecessors, is that it just doesn't hold together. The film feels like a couple of people watched a bunch of horror flicks, came up with a bunch of hilarious rips for each of them, but then tried to string the jokes for these disparate films together and failed. Scary Movie 3 just doesn't feel like it has any cohesion. The plot drags and seems to take forever to get anywhere because the movie isn't about plot or characters, it's about throwing some hilarious jokes at you and praying vainly that this will be enough to convince you that it's a movie. It mostly focuses on parodying three films which all had great plots and pacing, and hopes to fool you here too by trying to trick you into feeling the cohesion of those films, and it might be possible to succeed at such a tact, except they strung the movies together poorly. It mostly rips on Signs, The Ring, and, of all things, 8 Mile. Can anyone explain to me how 8 Mile got in there? That wasn't in any way related to horror films. Maybe they just hated it so much they wanted to make fun of it. Well, they failed at making fun of any of the movies, if that was the attempt. They do succeed at using the general premises of the films as a jump-off point from which they twist and warp the originals into hilarity. Also, I loved all three of those movies, so I don't really have any patience for making fun of them. Like I said, it's funny as hell. But the terrible construction of the film gets in the way of enjoying that. Final Score- 45 It's funny. But that's about all it is. Ebert might say that it succeeds at what it tries to do, but that's no excuse to me for what is basically a funny but poor film. Just because it tries to be shit doesn't get it a thumbs-up from me. |
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annoyed| Underworld? wtf. |
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| 10:09pm 24/10/2003 | |||||
| Carl, Underworld fuckin blew... "Vampires...Werewolves...lots of guns...women it tight leather...and lots of action" don't support a movie, they're the trimmings. You can't make a movie that has no actual substance and just pile on tons of stuff that looks nice and call it good! | |||||
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| Meat on a stick. Also, a movie. |
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| 10:03pm 24/10/2003 | |||||
And it's so great, once you're finished with the meat, you have before you a tasty all-purpose stick, with which you can do many things: clean your teeth of that teriyaki, push tiny buttons, light on fire, or shove into the eyeball of an attacking ninja. See, now that's like the only thing Kill Bill was missing. Which brings us to Kill Bill. KILL BILL Kill Bill is awesome. Under the definition of awesome it would say "see: Kill Bill." Which is what you should do right now, see Kill Bill. Oh, you have already? That doesn't make you exempt! IN NO WAY does this make you exempt! fucker! do you like blood? oh yes, blood is our friendly friend, I like to call him Moe. Moe is featured quite prominently in several scenes of Kill Bill. In very cool ways. Quentin is good with Moe. I understand they go way back. cool animation is good too, and has a great little sequence within this film. happy cool. some cool Japanese things in the movie too. One scene in particular illustrates Japanese quirkiness. ha. no DDR scene, though, like in WASABI. As always, Tarantino is overflowing with style. it's in the clothing, the tools, and in the shots. oh, and in the killing. killing is always stylish with Tarantino. Some very unique music is used to great effect, hearkening to cheesy 70s action flicks in that good way that makes you smile because you know someone's about to die. And there's funny stuff, too. lots of swearing. good acting. To sum it up... remember House of the Dead? How terrible that was? House of the Dead is the movie you see when you no longer find joy in film. It's so bad you can recognize good movies again. Kill Bill is somehow on the other end of this Euclidean spectrum in this odd way where it isn't the movie that is so good you hate everything else, it's like the smell of nicely baked cookies that's so refreshing after a long day of working in the sewer... for 12 years. final score.. um... good? Arbitrary number?... 97. Kill Bill is good, it's meat-on-a-stick good. We look forward to the next movie. |
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content| If you can read this....dont watch the fucking movie |
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| 10:09pm 18/10/2003 | |||||
Out of the last 6 movies i have watched at the theatre....only 3 movies are fit to watch by human...vegitable...or mineral. But i knew those 3 movies were going to suck the big one...but i went and saw them anyway...its like a fucking car wreak...you dont want to look...but you hope someone lost a head...ok enough ranting...on to the reviews Jeepers Creepers 2 Yes...I saw the first one....did i learn my lesson? NO...this movie, for a lack of a better word, was fucking terrible....you know what...i'm going to make up a word..."ihopethedirectorcontractsaneyefu Yeah...that wasnt a word...more like a phrase without spaces...nothing to worry about...I doubt the fucker can read The most exiting part of that movie was when i inhaled my "Mountain Dew" because i was laughing so hard at the "bad guy" leaping off one leg trying to catch a guy with broken legs I give this movie a 3/10....i will give it a 8/10 if "Cripple Hunt" becomes a competition in the Special Olympics Cabin Fever Why would you steal a Snickers bar? I admit...this movie was very funny...but not a horror movie...It had blood...gore...violence...loud noises for cheap "jumps" ...but i still wouldnt call it a horror movie I would have givin this movie a 5/10 if it wasnt for the "passed out girl" scene...I give it a 6.5/10 Underworld Vampires...Werewolves...lots of guns...women it tight leather...and lots of action I give it an 8/10 Once Upon a Time in Mexico A sequal to Desperado...need i say more? I give it a 9/10 House of the Dead NO...NO NO NO NO NO...do not watch this movie...its bad...realy realy bad...if it wasnt for the gun controller...the game would have sucked...so why make a movie out of the game? The only this the movie and the game have in common are a bad storyline...even worse dialogue...and poorly animated character movement... ...oh they were real? This movie was so bad...when i got home i had to watch the entire "Evil Dead" trilogy just so i could balance out my mind The movie would've been better if the main characters went after the director with the guns ...oh yeah...that wasn't a Desert Eagle I give this movie a 2/10 Texas Chainsaw Massacre Dont fuck up classics...please...leave em' as they are...the only horror movies that should, and have been, remade are the old William Castle movies... (If you ever saw "13 Ghosts" (1960)...and what they did to it in "Thir13en Ghosts" (2001)...you would agree...the original sucked) But this isnt the case for such a good movie like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974) I will give this movie a little credit though...if it wasnt a cheap remake of a good movie...this one may have been ok This movie had a good amount of blood and gore...but even less of a storyline then the original...and the character written for Lee Ermey (Full Metal Jacket, Saving Silverman, Mail Call) was just realy bad I give this movie a 3/10 Well...thats enough ranting for one day...plus...I am fucking tired... Go see Underworld, Cabin Fever and Once Upon a Time in Mexico...or if you want to rot your brain...see the other 3...but dont say i didn't warn you Thats all i've got to say... I'm out |
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| movies movies movies |
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| 01:10am 18/10/2003 | |||||
Firstly, I'll go over some movies I saw a few months ago. Just to go over real quick. Johnny English I guess that was in August? That wasn't quite as bad as some of this other stuff. But the way Johnny kept bungling absolutely EVERYTHING and literally fell into succeeding against the enemy (a very silly John Malkovich), was pretty annoying. Eh. Really it was a very moderate film. Terminator 3 Eh, this fell kind of flat for me. Kill off Sarah Connor? By cancer? pfft. A few fan servicings, the reappearance of the good doctor from the previous films, for one thing, make you feel good. A few scenes like at the bar with the ladies night and Ahnold saying "talk to the hand" were just too silly for me. The female terminator talking to a computer modem over a phone was very cool, though. And the story came together pretty well. Although they sort of undid the "No Fate" theory of the first two films, which really annoyed me.... 28 Days Later Awesome awesomeness. What a great fucking movie. Awesome visuals. Fantastic concept and execution. Lost me a little in the last quarter of the film but great payoff. Damn. So good. American Wedding I enjoyed this, some of it was pretty funny, and some of it just made me real uncomfortable. Stiffler in the gay club. so weird. lol. It's a perverted heartwarmer. yep. Freddy vs Jason ugh. Dumb. The ending was such a fucking cop-out. Jason should've killed Freddy, just for the fact that Freddy started the whole thing. And, where the hell did they get this water and fire thing from? what a bunch of crap. Grind I actually kinda liked this one. It was a perfectly designed buddy road trip movie. The big finale showoff half-pipe battle could have been more impressive, though, but damn that last move was amazing. Pirates of the Caribbean Also a good one. Johnny Depp is cool. Him and Orlando Bloom dueling was cool. Keira Knightly was fucking hot. Anyway, the premise was solid pirate story and the execution wasn't bad either. I definitely liked Johnny Depp's character. And now, what we've been seeing lately! Jeepers Creepers 2 Wow. How shitty do you get. Way to drag out what should be a 20 minute sequence into almost a whole damn movie. A couple cool scenes, like the kid having the wing suddenly close shut around him and then being headless were good. But, toward the end, when the monster loses it's leg or whatever, and is flinging itself toward the black kid, oh my god, Carl and I laughed so fucking hard. Good to see some people in Hollywood still have no shame. Cabin Fever This was really good. Gory as hell and with really unique and funny characters. HA! That old hick guy at the store who keeps the shotgun "for niggers". Sooo funny. Plus, it had the kid from Boy Meets World, and also the cool guy from Grind. Underworld blah. Stupid "cool" movie. The general premise was okay, and the set and costumes were good (hot fucking chicks at the mansion, god damn!), but it wasn't really about anything I guess and it bored me. There's one huge stretch in the movie with no good action and just a bunch of plot developments, but since the plot didn't engage me I got bored. For an action movie, you must never do that. Like Fast and the Furious for christ's sake. Once Upon a Time in Mexico Hey, Johnny Depp again! Another cool character! Holy shit, it's the sequel to Desperado! Awesomeness! Not as good as it's predecessor, but with a pretty involved plot and lots of characters with lots of different goals and allegiences. However, I feel Rodriguez's time with Spy Kids has done his directing for the worse. The balance between ludicrous and violence in Desperado and Dusk til Dawn was perfect, and here he loses it, definitely, and it's too silly sometimes. When the drunkard mariachi jumps around the corner with his fingers drawn in a heated gun battle, no, no good. House of the Dead UGH. CRAPIEST CRAP KNOWN TO CRAPLAND. We knew this was going to suck. We knew it from the moment we saw the early trailer on the House of the Dead 3 X-Box disc. Damn. What trash. There were THREE good points to this movie. 1: Good reason for them to get guns. 2: Some nice set design, somewhat. 3: ... I can't remember what now, I'm so overwhelmed by what crap this movie was. How can I explain? He cuts scenes with momentary clips from the video game for no reason whatsoever. The characters are terrible, one dimensional, morons. There's a battle when the heroes try to get from the woods to inside the building that takes for fucking ever. You wonder, how far was it from one side to the other, anyway? Characters die over the dumbest shit for crappy reasons. There are these annoying circular slow-down pans of the characters as they shoot, just to try to be like The Matrix, I guess. The entire premise of the film is shit, and has nothing to do with the game at all. I have to wonder what this duchebag Uwe Boll has even got for experience! Oh, like, three movies including this one, the other two I've never even heard of. Fuck you, Uwe Boll. You are trash. Carl and I could shit a better horror film. And film it better too. Texas Chainsaw Massacre Ugh. Dumb. The whole southern inbred hick psycho thing does nothing for me. The thing is, the original film is crap too. But it's a classic and was made on a tiny budget and has hilarious camerawork, so we respect it and it's good. But this movie has none of that and is just crap. Every scene with the sherrif annoyed me, except when he got run over. Oh, and starting the movie with a girl committing suicide was pretty cool and well done, and the way they referenced back to that later on towards the end of the movie was cool. And on the horizon... Scary Movie 3 This one looks like it could be the best of the whole bunch. I found the first one pretty dumb but funny, and the second one mostly bored me, but this one could be a lot better. I like the movies they seem to be spoofing here. Brother Bear Don't get me started. So much about the ad campaign for this has annoyed the fuck out of me. Fuck you, Disney. Alien: The Director's Cut FUCK YES! *does a dance* I'm gonna see Alien in the theater! woooo hooooo. The Matrix: Revolutions um. yeah. Gonna be so awesome, your head will explode. Looney Tunes: Back in Action hmmm. I go, hmmmmmmm.... Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World fuck you, Russell Crowe. You're a dumb shit. Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King should be awesome just like the other two, yep. Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat Now this looks good but then you think about how awesome The Grinch was and then you think it's just not going to stand up to that. Damn. The Haunted Mansion Fuck you, Disney. And you too, Eddie Murphy. You haven't done anything good since Beverly Hills Cop 3. Peter Pan I'm looking forward to this one! I thought the trailer showed some really good stuff, and it seems a bit darker than all our previous film versions. sweet. Resident Evil: Apocalypse dude. Define awesome. Gothika Halle Berry sucks but this movie looks pretty sweet. I love the shot of the girl walking across the hallway, awesome effect. Dawn of the Dead just saw this trailer today. Carl and I are excited. ROMANO 4EVAR. okay Carl, now SPEEEAK. |
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| Turtle Power |
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| 09:27am 15/02/2003 | |||||
The review is: the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon, episode 101: "Things Change". I caught it by accident. I knew that episode 102 was going to be on at 10:30, but I turned the TV on at 8:30 to FoxBox, just catching the very beginning. My first reaction was, "hey, this is straight from the original comic book, even some of the dialogue," because the opening is exactly like the beginning of the first comic. The four Turtles facing off against some street thugs calling themselves the Purple Dragon gang. It then cuts to the opening credits, whose theme song wasn't that great. A little bit too much in the vein of the old stuff. Or maybe the theme to Batman Beyond has spoiled me. It cuts away to the Turtles gettin trained by Splinter in the sewer den. Out of nowhere, the classic Mousers chew through the floor and ruin the old home, also seperating the Turtles from Splinter. They communicate through a communicator very similar to what they had in the original cartoon. They decide to meet at some kind of sewer junction. The Turtles get sidetracked when another passage is collapsed, and are forced to travel topside. This is when you first really start to notice how anime-style-ninja these Turtles are. Raph bounds all over the place and it's very impressive. These aren't the bulky Turtles from the old cartoon. They're fast and sneaky. This is where the Purple Dragon gang bit starts, as they make some kind of heist, Raph tries to move their van because it's parked right on another manhole they want to use. He ends up diving into the van to avoid being seen, and they drive off with him, so the other three follow. They get into a fight where the gang stops, and soundly hurt them. The gang runs away, but then a bunch of unidentified ninjas (gee, I wonder who THEY are!) show up and give the Turtles a real fight. Splinter had meanwhile made it to the meetup point, gets attacked by more mousers, and ends up fallings when the floor collapses beneath him. Outnumbered, the Turtles hotwire the van and take off with it, and throw the money in the bags at some parked cops. They then meet up with Splinter at the sewer junction, and he shows them the new home he discovered. It cuts to a shadowy room where a japanese man (and I wonder who THAT is!) is making tea for himself, and the Purple Dragon gang leader is pleading with him, but this man shows no mercy and as the camera cuts to an outside shot of his tower, it's obvious what happens to the loser. Okay, so here's what I'm thinking about it. Firstly, the voices aren't that great. Mike got stuck with the surfer bit AGAIN, which is very annoying. But, it's a cartoon, and good VAs are illegal in an american cartoon. They have to be charicatures and shit. Oh well. The weapons are all intact, and the Turtles use them often. This isn't the second movie, where Leo's katana never left their scabbards on his back. Mike has his nunchaku, which had been replaced in later episodes of the original cartoon. So this all pleases me. Overall, the cartoon seems to take its cues mostly from the movies. Especially in the dialogue. When they hang up with Splinter from the communicators, Mike is like "oo! did he mention me?" and Raph punches him. Just the general style of humor and how the characters relate to each other. At least Raph is more of a pissed-off movie version instead of sarcastic original cartoon version. That's a plus. The Mousers and Foot all have an updated look. The inside of the Mousers' mouths are lined in spikes, and they are quite creepy. The Foot are, holy cow, NOT robots! What an idea. They're also wicked sleek, very dark, and asskickers, all of them. The plot also seems at least somewhat developed. Here we see the unexplained entrance of both the Mousers and the Foot ninja. Very cool, IMO. This series promises to be serial, unlike the episodic original cartoon. The action is pretty damn good. I mean that seriously. When the Turtles fight the Foot, it's very hardcore. Rock on. Now I dare them to actually let Leo cut someone with a katana. lol. Final Score: 87. It's on saturday mornings, for that you have to give it some allowances. For the most part, this is good Turtles action, let's hope it's the second step on the way to a second age of the Turtle! Die, Power Rangers!!! |
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bouncy| I have found Shangri-La, and I think it sucks. |
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| 12:35am 15/01/2003 | |||||
My opinion about: "Lost Horizon" by James Hilton. "Lost Horizon" is a novel by James Hilton, published in 1933, about four people who are hijacked as they escape from some catastrophe at some place called Baskul. They end up making a bumpy landing in some very high mountains, and are met by a group from a nearby lamasery, a secret supposed-utopia called Shangri-La. Yes, this book is where the reference comes from. The main character is Conway, a man with few connections in his life. No family, no work to do, no close friends. It's like he's dead already. He had been in the war, and it had changed him. He finds this place of secret beauty very bewitching. The only maxim that the peoples of it have is "moderation in all things", and they take this to the fullest extent. They are only moderately virtuous, only moderately chaste, moderately hard-working, and so on and so on. It's a classic of literature, notice the proliferation of the Shangri-La reference. Its major point is that our civilization is bringing about its own end very quickly. Only Shangri-La with its moderation, wisdom, and dissolution of passions will survive to keep our culture and achievements safe to be discovered after the ashes settle. On the one hand, yeah, I agree, we are fucking up, hardcore. I find it awesome that this was written in 1933 and Hilton seemed to know that we would create a weapon like the atomic bomb. However, I think that abandoning our world to this and hiding in some pretty little hole is bogus. I also feel that the philosophy of moderation and the fading of passions is basically wrong. I think our passions are what make us human, what makes us alive. While I think a Plato-esuqe Philosopher King who would be like the high lama of Shangri-La would make a good leader, I just don't see a society of moderately this and that people being anything I would want. It strikes me as being bad somehow for some reason, and I haven't pinned it down. It's almost like a fire dying out. The other cast of characters round it out nicely. The kindly secretive Chang. The unpleased Mallinson. The devout what's-her-name nun-face. And the happily-escaped-from-police Bernard. There's some good dilalogue in the book. Not a lot happens in it, since it's only 230 pages long. It's basically just our four characters get kidnapped, our four characters get to Shangri-La, ooo big secret, Conway is told, and such and so on. Not a whole lot. But, well, it's a classic and stuff, and it's interesting, I won't give away the big secret of Shangri-La, because it's the big secret. And it goes into the whole thing. Final Score: 90. I think this book is pretty great, it's written well enough, though I don't understand some outdated references that go unexplained. However, I think Shangri-La sucks. The whole place stinks of sedation. Read it, it's a classic. |
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| Review: Cannibal Ferox - AKA - Make Them Die Slowly! |
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| 12:24am 07/01/2003 | |||||
I think "Banned in 31 countries" says it all...or maybe "Warning: due to its SHOCKING and VIOLENT subject matter, NO ONE UNDER 17 should view this film"...or how about "The most Violent Film EVER!!!" Aw fuck it, i'll do it anyway... Umberto Lenzi is either the best director ever to grace the DVD format, or a FUCKING PSYCHO!!! This movie had the most FUCKING disgusting scene I have ever...seen A GUY GETS TIED TO A FUCKING POLE AND GETS HIS FUCKING DICK CUT OFF...THATS NOT THE DISGUSTING PART...A FUCKING CANNIBAL EATS THE MOTHERFUCKING BLOODY COCK!!! The fact that this movie is unrated says it all...you can't rate this kind of shit...it falls between the line of fucked up documentary and bloody slasher flick...this is the kind of film you NEED to show to your children...Fuck em' up early some dumb shit doesn't get to em'...I can honestly say, I laughed when I saw this film, but it wasn't that "I just saw a guy get kicked in the nuts" HA HA HA shit...it was more like one of those "Holy FUCK...she is being hung up by hooks in her TITS!!!" glad it isn't me EVIL giggle... I just don't know where to fucking start this rant... I was kind of dissapointed in the beginning...I thought it was going to be a little more action packed...but no...it was better!!! It was like "Hey look, a guy with a spear just walked by....Holy shit...where the fuck is that guys eye...oh, its on the end of that knife...good place to put it..." I you can make heads or tails of this review...you are a fucking madman I don't even know what the fuck i'm saying I have to start over...I can't put this shit into words...just watch the fucking movie...you will NOT be dissapointed Final Score: WHAT?!?!! After that fucked up rant, you want me to rate it? I can't remember my fucking name! I'm done... |
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| Grant Gee blows. |
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| 05:16pm 04/01/2003 | |||||
So, I just finished watching that Radiohead DVD, so, guess what? Josh's ranty: the "Meeting People is Easy" DVD. Meeting People is Easy is a Grant Gee film about Radiohead. One can learn this by looking at the front cover that also warns that YOU ARE A TARGET MARKET. Thanks Stanley Donwood! ;) Warning- Inside jokes for Radiohead fans are abound in this review, oh yes! I was very optimistic about this film, I was ready to see the best thing since the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie. I mean, I was looking at 95 minutes of concert footage, interviews, and behind-the-scenes shenanigans. What I got was a let down. What I got was Grant Gee's artsy frikken video-degraded low-fi sound IFC-style film which seemed to be more often about random buildings, busses, and cars than it was about five little Oxford lads I like to call THE BAND THE FRIKKEN DVD IS ABOUT. Seriously, the guy puts more filler crap in here than actual material. And when there is actual content, the sound and camera work is horrible. It seems like a documentary made for, like, 50 bucks. Most of the shots of the concerts are just still camera frames centered on Thom's face. No dynamics, hardly any views of the four other guys that make up the band. I mean, it's like the guy fixed the camera to a stand and went to get a beer! I can't stress how cool this dvd could have been. There's footage of the band on Letterman and all sorts of interviews and concert shots and just some parts of Thom ranting about the radio industry and materialism. This could have been a huge deal for the fans. But Grant Gee fucked it all up. He fucked it up the ass with the sad minotaur's pitchfork. I mean, REALLY. THAT IS WHY THE MINOTAUR IS CRYING. GRANT GEE FUCKED IT UP THE ASS WITH THE PITCHFORK. Radiohead even tells us this. Go to the website (www.radiohead.com). And one of the buttons will lead to a little shockwave flashy thing with the sad minotaur and your pointer becomes the pitchfork, and when you put the pitchfork over the minotaur, he cries and moans in pain and when you press the button he howls in terror and agony. HIS MEMORIES OF GRANT GEE PERSIST TO THIS DAY. My other bitch is that most of the music was from OK Computer, and had Creep twice, and maybe one or two songs from The Bends. Once again, this is ALL GRANT GEE'S FAULT. Although there were parts where they played a couple songs that weren't to be released for years - like How to Disappear Completely - and there were even a few songs that aren't on any major release - like Follow Me Around, and some other tune that Radiohead was working on in the studio that I don't even recognize. These parts were cool. It's things like that what make the fan perk up and go "yay." Damn you, Grant Gee, because these tiny morsels are just there to remind us of what a huge pile of arty crap this is. Maybe Stanley Donwood should've made it. That would've been cool. Or interesting at least. Anyway. Like, if you're a Radiohead fan and you want to be frustrated out of your mind by the mostly-unfulfilled promise of rarity goodness, go to town. But this DVD is really just an exercise in sheer annoyance. Or maybe I just don't get it. Whatever. Final Score: 65. Radiohead is awesome, but.... Yeah, uh, Grant? YOU FAIL. I hope you get the bends, you fucker. the karma police have arrested Grant Gee for crimes against Radiohead fans. He's been sentenced to watching reruns of Driven- Christina Aguilera. |
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angry| Review: Kahlua - White Russian |
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| 04:34pm 28/12/2002 | |||||
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Mmmmm...vodka is great isn't it? I felt like reviewing one of my favorite things...alcohol First...a little about the product...I'm just going to read shit off the label Its a White Russian Drink-to-go by Kahlua..."The deliciously unique taste of kahlua liqueur, vodka and milk" 200ml, 5.9% Alc./vol.(11.8 proof)....Thats it?!?!?! Fuck...guess I'm going to have to drink a shit load...hehehe Oooooh...Government Warning (1)According to the surgeon general, women should not drink alcoholic beverages during pregnancy because of the risk of birth defects Aww shit...thats just fucking hilarious...FAS is funny (2)Consumption of alcoholic beverages impares your ability to drive a car or operate machinery, and may cause health problems No shit...why else would you drink the shit...it makes driving more fun... wait...I'm going to puke... I just thought of a picture I saw with a realy fat girl in a bikini...ok i'm better Well now the review...This shit is good...its smooth...no fucked up after taste...just plain ol' good...it just needs to be in bigger bottles, maybe 2 liter bottles...and they need to be plastic so you can squeeze a whole shit load in your mouth and get drunker faster I give it a 4.0 |
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| Hayama wa AKUMA! |
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| 04:35am 28/12/2002 | |||||
I grabbed a copy of the Kodocha manga volume one with some christmas money, because I'm a big fan of the anime. What I'm-a talkin about: "Kodocha" manga volume one! Released by tokyopop, this manga by Miho Obana was first done in 1994 and has been released in America just this June. It was the basis for an anime series that ran quite long and was very popular in Japan and is very popular with American shojo otaku. The manga is actually only ten volumes, but that's because it's a bit faster paced. It's the story of Kurata Sana (family name first, given name second), an 11 year-old child actress who stars in the weekly schoolroom comedy show called Kodomo no Omocha, also the name of the actual story. It means "Child's Toy." Sana is a very excitable young girl, often running around and being hyperactive, bursting into cutesy and energetic song. But Sana has a huge problem, and that's Hayama Akito! He's in her grade 6 class, and he's the boss monkey of all the boys who do nothing but turn the class into a mess and terrorize the teacher. What does Hayama have on the teacher that lets him get away with this? That's only how the story starts out, if it had stayed on that tact for long it would've gotten annoying, but things move FAST in this book. Sana figures out how to fix Hayama and in the process discovers that he's a very emotionally troubled young boy, with a horrible family life. That's what Kodocha is about, all these kids have issues, and it really pulls at the heartstrings. Sana tells Akito that she wants to help him and he asks for her to kill him. !!! There are lots of characters in the series, and most of them are pretty deep or at least portrayed well. You'll like most everybody! The art is really superb IMO, Obana has a great shojo style and a real sense for fashion (which is very important in shojo manga). Sana's clothes tend to change every few pages, and she has some real cute outfits. ^_^ The differences between the manga and the anime: no Babbit, and I miss him. Also, Zenjirou is not the teacher of Sana's show. As a matter of fact, Sana's show is not as important as it is in the anime, where it seems like she does it every day after school. In the manga it's only on sundays. There are also some specific ways that some characters phrase things that change. sometimes I like it more or less. Akito comes right out and tells Tsuyoshi that he feels he doesn't deserve Sana's attention. That really hit me. The first volume of the manga is comparable to the first six episodes of the anime, I think. So that will give you some sense of what's in it if you have seen the show. A great feature of the manga is that Obana has little columns every few pages where she just talks to you about things. Either stuff that happened in her life that influenced the book or something about a character. It's like director's commentary and it's really great. Obana-san seems like a really nice lady. ^_^ Also, the english adapter, Sarah Dyer, added some nice cultural reference explanations in the book, too, which help sometimes. Final Score: 92. I love shojo manga, because I best like things that I connect with emotionally first and foremost. The characters are all endearing and the story is really engaging. If you like shojo, you should definitely read it! Now I'm gonna go work on reading The Matrix and Philosophy, which is really coming together great. I hope to finish it before too long, though my job search might hinder that. I may end up doing the review of Meeting People is Easy first. |
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| upcoming inanities. |
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| 04:10am 27/12/2002 | |||||
Sorry for the cut-off on posting, I moved on christmas eve, so.... Carl, post some shit, damn you. We have an audience!!!! |
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discontent| I have so much enthusiasm and so little else! |
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| 11:02am 24/12/2002 | |||||
However, I also picked up the first volume of the anime series Quack Experimental Anime: Excel Saga. Which is probably just called Excel Saga, but I like the pre-title which is on the opening credits, because that is exactly what Excel Saga is. The thing in the place at the time: "Excel Saga" volume one DVD Technical shizzle: The disc includes the first five episodes, has english and japanese audio, and includes a few sets of english subtitles, one with just song lyric translations and translations for words that appear on-screen, and another that also includes the japanese dialogue. It also has a great feature in the extras that adds pop-up video style explanations for japanese cultural references, as well as funny odds and ends - occasionally even just a comment or two like "what an odd place for a PC, eh?" The real substance: The first thing you will probably notice about Excel Saga is the goregous art. Made in 1999 and just recently released stateside, this show exemplifies the current trend in japanese animation. By which I mean, fantastic art and animation. The colors are rich and the fps is great. The artstyle is expressive, funny and also dramatic. The second thing you'll notice about Excel Saga is that it is massively fucked up. The second main character in the opening sequence (appearing in epsiode 2, she is Hyatt) seems to cough up blood and pass out every five seconds, this may be the first thing that makes you go "whaa?? funny!" The story begins with our heroine, Excel, getting killed accidently in her jubilation at becoming a member of ACROSS, which you learn is a secret organization bent on taking over the city (because taking over the world is just silly, you know). At her death, we find her floating in space where she meets Will, a fifth and sixth and how-ever-many-there-are barrier destroying character who has ultimate power over the world of Excel Saga, and she scolds Excel, telling her she must not die and has to consider the storyline. She then brings back our heroine to life. We then find her in the secret headquarters of ACROSS, where she annoys the leader, Illpazzo, to the point of murdering her. Will brings her back. Illpazzo kills her again. Will brings her back. It's very funny, I promise. Excel is an amazingly over-excited young girl who doesn't have a clue about much. She really says it best in episode 5 when she's trying to uncover a government plot but realizes she knows nothing about how to. "I have so much enthusiasm and nothing else!" We also meet a preciously cute little animal that looks like a cat to me, but everyone refers to as a dog. Excel goes without eating for days on end for the cause of ACROSS, and when she meets this furry little creature, she makes the dubious equation DOG -> CREATURE -> FOOD, which is explained in japanese kana, and I think has something to do with pronounciation, becuase I could see a simmilar character in the japanese for creature and food, but didn't see the transition of dog to creature. Oh well. She then grabs the poor animal and decides it is her last resort meal, which begins a running gag for the series, and sets up the closing credits animation, which has the animal singing about how Excel wants to eat her. I could tell you about all sorts of characters like Pedro or the three "ronin" who live next door to Excel or about the mysterious man with a fake moustache in episode 5, or I could even try to tell you about the story plots, but the point I'm making is that this is ridiculous japanese humor at it's finest. Not so much of the ecchi, but some. As far as plots go, there isn't much. Every episode tries to lampoon some cliche in japanese animation genres, and the stories don't seem to have much in running plot, although it happens. Episode 2 directly leads to episode 3, when Excel is captured by some nameless military group and then gets rescued. Episode 5 obviously sets up a major adversary with the mysterous man with the fake moustache. The one down point to me for this show is that I think it is sometimes too ridiculous too much for too long. It gets a little tiring because it keeps it on and on. Thankfully there is respite with a few of the characters and their interractions. If you like your anime beautiful and over-the-top with the humor, blasting away all the walls between the fantasy and the truth that it is fiction (the first episode's mission has Excel trying to kill the creator of her own manga, and has her SEE her own manga in the show), then you really need to check it out. If your cup of tea is more like Lain or Vampire Hunter D, you might stay away. Unless you're like me, the panoramic anime fan. Final Score: 87. It's great for what it is, but doesn't really satisfy anything but my funny bone. It'll be great for those anime club sessions and cons though. Man, I need to get me some more Kodomo no Omocha fansubs. |
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dorky| Just a... |
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| 12:55am 24/12/2002 | |||||
ADULTS ONLY Content suitable only for adults. Carl's reviews may include... Blood and Gore Gambling Mature Sexual Themes Strong Language Suggestive Themes Use of Drugs Use of Tobacco and/or Use of Alcohol Violence "Marked" Sheep Toy Cars Snails Cheese Doodles Nine-irons Mail Boxes Portable MP3-CD players Rubber pens "New Fugg" Cannibals Sexual Innuendos Jackasses Shrubs Finger Paintings Orange Julius The Dragon Billy Bob's grundle Dwarves with brooms Squirrels...so many Fucking squirrels Turnips Ostrich feathers The Spanish Inquisition...didn't expect that did you? Not recommended for persons under the age of 18 |
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| let's go, tons o fun! |
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| 07:06pm 23/12/2002 | |||||
And I mean this seriously. The review at hand: the "An Evening with Kevin Smith" DVD. This man is so goddamned funny that he makes the menu screen hilarious. Seriously, go rent this DVD - or, shit, buy it - and just watch the damn menu screen for a few minutes. God damn. What this DVD is: yeah, Kevin Smith did some Q&A;'s at five colleges and recorded it. The tapes were edited. Result: three + hours of FUNNY that goes on and on and on. I mean, seriously, I had to pause the damn thing a few times because he just kept making something worse and worse. Damn. Recorded at Cornell, Indiana, Kent State, Wyoming, and Clark, it starts with Kevin Smith walking on stage at Cornell where something like a few thousand college coeds cheer and jubilate and howl for him. And then they won't hardly stop. Here, Smith is a god, and these are his adoring masses. Hell yes. And not a jackhole god either. He's like, oh stop. I made Mallrats, come on. Of course, referencing Mallrats to this bunch only generates more adulation. Basically the college students ask Kevin questions, and he answers them. Ranging from "can I suck your cock for five bucks?" to "dance, fat man!" we get the goods! But, seriously, we get to hear Kevin talk about how he met Jason, and the evolution of neh to snoogins, how he met Mosier and how producing Chasing Amy for 250 grand almost made the man kill himself. We find out that Kevin first made love to his future wife while sporting a horrible open cock wound caused by her dry humping him against his zipper. Funny stuff, people! Something to note, this thing is two discs long. And all it has besides the core material is one audio track, three subtitle options, and a very basic menu. Oh, and on disc two there are trailors for Dogma, Mr. Deeds, Spider-Man, and Stan Lee's Mutants Monsters and Marvels. Yeah, the feature is over three hours long. Some of my favorite parts were how Kevin decries Dogma of any possible dangerousness by the simple fact that it has a goddamn rubber poop monster. He also is asked to justify the "message" in Chasing Amy by a lesbian, which comes out a little bit strained, as if he were trying to censor himself a little to not start anything. I never hear him say what I always thought Chasing Amy's message was. Love is non-gender, deal with it. And, aside from that, there's something about the male-female dynamic. It's really two different worlds, and I think that there's something to that. But that doesn't mean that it's the law of god or nature to be heterosexual, or that it's genetically hardwired and gays are freaks. That's crap. Who cares. Just choose and be. Whatever. *finds himself on the soapbox* fuckin thing. *steps off, gets back at his review-writing keyboard.* Kevin's tales about the producer for the defunct Superman Reborn movie and the Prince documentary he shot that shall never be seen are hilarious. He paints pictures of these ridiculous people who just don't seem to live on earth. And, yes, you will find out what that fuckin giant spider robot in Wild Wild West was about. Anyway, low points for me in this were times like when five students were locked outside and the film goes through something like a fifteen minute "what? who are you? who's Tim? oh can they come in? does anyone have tickets? Okay , come in. Come on stage. Ha ha, now dance for us, monkeys!" and it gets boring. A few of his stories seem to run long, and it takes him a while to get to the funny; but, if you're a Kevin Smith fan, you won't mind, because you're hearing all sorts of good stuff, the details you never had a clue on. If you aren't, why are you watching this, anyway? More things to look forward to: the story behind the pot he was holding on the front cover of High Times. The genious of Jason Mewes. Why Kevin's cinematic style is no style. And much more! I mean, fuck, it's over three hours long! Special guest appearance by Jason Mewes and phone calls to Scott Mosier and some unfortunates including one student's dad and another student's boss change things up a bit. So if you like Kevin Smith, and not just casually, you really gotta see this. If you're like me and some of my friends who make obscure references to jokes that aren't in the movies but are in the movies's commentaries, then I have to ask why you haven't seen it already. stats: running time is 194 minutes. released on december 17th, 2002. MPAA: NR unrated. Final Score: 95. Yeah. It's that good. |
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| what's your label? |
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| 05:28am 23/12/2002 | |||||
I love tests. Great ways to kill time, man. When you're up at 5:18 in the morning after another long night of masturbating- er.. reading and.. being intellectual.. yeah. Um... they're a great way to kill time when you're bored. This test was "What's your label?" and is located here ---> http://www.nekorevolution.net/test/t_lab I found it lacking. Few things seemed to fit me too well. Favorite colors to wear did not include blue. damnit. And I don't wear t-shirts that say things, I don't even like anime t-shirts anymore because I think I look real dumb in them. It had no "accessory" listing that suited me. And then too many of the ideologies seemed to be things I liked. However, this test did have an acceptable disclaimer, confessing that it is NOT SERIOUS and stuff. plz don't send hate mail! ^_^ lol. Anyway, that seemed like a shoddy excuse to make another dumb goddamn test, and nothing more than a deflector for flack that it really deserves. Cuz, damn, how inaccurate. Points for cute dolly gifs. YAY! Final score: who cares, it's a dumb test! I mean, if you wanna kill your time, go ahead. It's no big deal. But let's just be honest. It is a stupid quiz. for those curious, I was labeled as thusly!  Who are you? Emo. God. That's dumb. Now I will go listen to The Get-Up Kids and shit. Not. please could you stop the noise im tryin a get some REST? |
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| Review of Spadortch, part two. |
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| 01:34am 23/12/2002 | |||||
-5 points for the super lame-o Radiohead review done by me, YAY!!! current points for Spadortch: 10 And if I keep posting stupid shit here, that will probably go DOWN. WHEEEEE. |
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| Over-the-top Radiohead fanniness disguised as a review. |
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| 01:19am 23/12/2002 | |||||
okay, umm, I think Radiohead is AWESOME. And... I HAVE ALL THEIR CDS. The major point: everything else sucks, EVERYTHING Uhh... FITTER HAPPIER made me cry. The lyrics are like... here is all the bullshit empty meaningless prescription for a dumb 21st century life, yo! And with creepy music! And I'm bored out of my mind and just like, wow, Radiohead is the best. YEAH. So, I'll post something that isn't even remotely like a review cuz I'm just so out of my mind with RADIOHEAD RAWKS syndrome that I can't really even analyze it. It all just comes out like RRRRAAAADDDDIIIIOOOHHHEEEEEAAAAAADDD!!!! If you agree with me, LET ME KNOW. If you don't, go fuxz0r y0rs3lf!!!!! ..!!in an intastella burst i am back to save the universe!! |
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weird|
spadortch |
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Friends Info Calendar |
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