Wednesday, August 25, 2004
Update!
Wisconsin internet cult leader, in...defacing statues scandal???
Go here for the full story.
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Go here for the full story.
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Old PictureBreaking News!
Sushi, anyone?
I wonder if I should submit these to "Carnival of the Recipes"?
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Fucktard of the Week
Anathematized1, at Cleanse the World; Rivers of Blood, has a great new regular feature!
I've met both good and bad people in chatrooms, but I do quite miss the idiots in - between. Especially if they're quite harmless, like poor ol' Dave.
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
I've met both good and bad people in chatrooms, but I do quite miss the idiots in - between. Especially if they're quite harmless, like poor ol' Dave.
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Monday, August 23, 2004
Unhand my Daughter, Sir!
J, of Quibbles and Bits has a delightful post up at Man Meets Baby. Very funny indeed. I'll be acting on that advice for sure.
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
One Yank and they're Off?
When Alex lived in the U.S, he was amazed at how much female attention he received on the strength of his accent. Now Alex is from the midlands, and doesn't exactly sound like Hugh Grant. His American girlfriend liked anything British, and this is apparently quite common! He also told me that American guys think all English girls are easy!
This was news to me. Is it true? Are my countrywomen behaving disgracefully over there? Perhaps it's just a reaction to the "arrangements" that were made for the sake of nylons and cigarettes during WWII. I don't know. I'm putting it to you.
Personally, I have to admit that an American accent sounds impossibly glamourous. Probably because I never hear it outside of the movies. Especially a Southern one, on men AND women. (Tara was named as much for the South as she was for the ancient capitol of Eire).
WARNING: All "Yes, English girls ARE easy!" comments MUST be qualified with the statement, "Present company excepted, of course".
And no. Behaviour at comment parties doesn't count.
10 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
This was news to me. Is it true? Are my countrywomen behaving disgracefully over there? Perhaps it's just a reaction to the "arrangements" that were made for the sake of nylons and cigarettes during WWII. I don't know. I'm putting it to you.
Personally, I have to admit that an American accent sounds impossibly glamourous. Probably because I never hear it outside of the movies. Especially a Southern one, on men AND women. (Tara was named as much for the South as she was for the ancient capitol of Eire).
WARNING: All "Yes, English girls ARE easy!" comments MUST be qualified with the statement, "Present company excepted, of course".
And no. Behaviour at comment parties doesn't count.
10 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Sunday, August 22, 2004
...the little bleeder!
Bless her. I've been meaning to write about Tara's condition. So here it is: Von Willebrand's Disease. We were looking at her today and counted TWENTY - FIVE bruises on her left leg alone. Tara is blonde, and very pale - skinned. I've never let her tan. She can choose to damage her skin later in life if she wishes. She bruises like an elderly person, the poor thing. Deep, lumpy, painful looking marks, that take months to fade, from where she's brushed against the furniture. They don't bother her, though. However they bother me come summer, and we're getting "looks" from people at the beach.
I attended several child - abuse awareness courses in my previous job, and before she was diagnosed, well. Those were DARK days. I'd look at my baby, with bruises on her inner thighs, arms, buttocks, and my child - minder would be looking suspiciously at me.
Since seeing the specialist, we've been warned that most parents of V.W.D children face investigation by the authorities. Allegations are usually made by assistant teachers / parent helpers / neighbours who don't know the child's medical history. It doesn't help that, and this is apparently a characteristic of the condition, she is an extremely active child. She was walking at seven months, and used to remind me of the Dancing Baby in "Ally McBeal". "No Martial Arts for her!", we have been told. Fair enough, but it's impossible to keep a small child wrapped in cotton wool.
Luckily, I've got the pager number of the best doctor in the country. Even if it's New Year's Eve, he's told me not to bother with the local hospital, and bring her to London directly.
I once kidnapped her from the local hospital, where they wanted to give her stitches in her tongue. They'd done this before, and it had only increased the bleeding. "Cut? Let's stick a needle in it. That'll sort it out!" She ended up with a haematoma that nearly choked her, and a thrush infection. Plus, she was constantly vomiting swallowed blood. Anyway. I took her home and prescribed a little of the tranexamic acid that had been given to me.(I have a mild form of V.W.D). The bleeding stopped, and she was fine. The specialist told me I'd done the right thing.
The scariest thing ever, was when she cut her lip and it was just DRIPPING blood. She was about ten months old, and I had to help hold her, and watch her go under a general anaesthetic. The way she went out, and the look she gave me...My Mother was crying openly, but I had to tell myself, "There are babies having open - heart surgery in this building. Little kids on dialysis, having chemo. Who am I to cry?"
I'm pretty much a hardened veteran now. So is she. The sad thing is, she's getting self - conscious about her bruises. "I wish I didn't have these", she's been saying lately. Oh, if I could only bear them for her...
11 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
I attended several child - abuse awareness courses in my previous job, and before she was diagnosed, well. Those were DARK days. I'd look at my baby, with bruises on her inner thighs, arms, buttocks, and my child - minder would be looking suspiciously at me.
Since seeing the specialist, we've been warned that most parents of V.W.D children face investigation by the authorities. Allegations are usually made by assistant teachers / parent helpers / neighbours who don't know the child's medical history. It doesn't help that, and this is apparently a characteristic of the condition, she is an extremely active child. She was walking at seven months, and used to remind me of the Dancing Baby in "Ally McBeal". "No Martial Arts for her!", we have been told. Fair enough, but it's impossible to keep a small child wrapped in cotton wool.
Luckily, I've got the pager number of the best doctor in the country. Even if it's New Year's Eve, he's told me not to bother with the local hospital, and bring her to London directly.
I once kidnapped her from the local hospital, where they wanted to give her stitches in her tongue. They'd done this before, and it had only increased the bleeding. "Cut? Let's stick a needle in it. That'll sort it out!" She ended up with a haematoma that nearly choked her, and a thrush infection. Plus, she was constantly vomiting swallowed blood. Anyway. I took her home and prescribed a little of the tranexamic acid that had been given to me.(I have a mild form of V.W.D). The bleeding stopped, and she was fine. The specialist told me I'd done the right thing.
The scariest thing ever, was when she cut her lip and it was just DRIPPING blood. She was about ten months old, and I had to help hold her, and watch her go under a general anaesthetic. The way she went out, and the look she gave me...My Mother was crying openly, but I had to tell myself, "There are babies having open - heart surgery in this building. Little kids on dialysis, having chemo. Who am I to cry?"
I'm pretty much a hardened veteran now. So is she. The sad thing is, she's getting self - conscious about her bruises. "I wish I didn't have these", she's been saying lately. Oh, if I could only bear them for her...
11 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Stalking 101
Having inexplicably moved up several categories in The Ecosystem, although I suspect I'll stay put now, I had a little look at my readers. Beloved Bad - Example Family members were all present and accounted for, plus one or two others.
On the map at sitemeter, the majority of my traffic comes, of course, from the U.S. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I'm being read, or have been read in Jerusalem! There I am in the blogroll of the lovely Rachel Ann of Willow Tree! I was hooked as soon as I saw that "Welcome" image.
So, grabbing my binoculars I set off stalking in earnest and found this great post about parenthood, and this shocker at her new home. Daily reading? Has to be. Also, and this may sound silly, the name reasonated. My name was once the same as hers.
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
On the map at sitemeter, the majority of my traffic comes, of course, from the U.S. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that I'm being read, or have been read in Jerusalem! There I am in the blogroll of the lovely Rachel Ann of Willow Tree! I was hooked as soon as I saw that "Welcome" image.
So, grabbing my binoculars I set off stalking in earnest and found this great post about parenthood, and this shocker at her new home. Daily reading? Has to be. Also, and this may sound silly, the name reasonated. My name was once the same as hers.
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Bonfire of the Recipes
Take one PizzaHut menu.
Tick your toppings.
Briskly apply the telephone.
Add one harried husband hastily having to go get cash for the tip.
Steal and serve.
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Tick your toppings.
Briskly apply the telephone.
Add one harried husband hastily having to go get cash for the tip.
Steal and serve.
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Ain't that nice?
I was idly googling "Whimsy Capricious" last night, and came across this old post at Ellis Island. It had everything a post should have! Positive things about me, a condemnation of stupid Blogspot, and an abusive comment from The Bartender. Thanks Jim!
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
0 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Friday, August 20, 2004
Oh the Shame...# 2
Lunchtime. They came to me in droves: "Miss! Miss! Danny's got handcuffs!".
I was exhausted, and told the offending child to report to the Office and hand them in IMMEDIATELY.
I was too tired to laugh. Too tired to check.
Upon finishing lunch, I passed by the Headmaster's Office. A plump, tearful child sat outside with her hands firmly cuffed.
I couldn't resist it:
"Have we changed our discipline policy?"
I wasn't to know that prospective parents were touring the school, for God's sake!
Luckily, I didn't have to 'phone the mother who had to be reached for the keys. She turned up with no sense of embarrassment at all. Neither did I have to explain the situation to the parents of the handcuffed child...
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
I was exhausted, and told the offending child to report to the Office and hand them in IMMEDIATELY.
I was too tired to laugh. Too tired to check.
Upon finishing lunch, I passed by the Headmaster's Office. A plump, tearful child sat outside with her hands firmly cuffed.
I couldn't resist it:
"Have we changed our discipline policy?"
I wasn't to know that prospective parents were touring the school, for God's sake!
Luckily, I didn't have to 'phone the mother who had to be reached for the keys. She turned up with no sense of embarrassment at all. Neither did I have to explain the situation to the parents of the handcuffed child...
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Evil Glenn's Photo - Album. A Filthy Lie
I was in the gallery of the Courthouse the other day, laughing at my brother-in-law's vain attempts to impress the judge, when I saw a familiar figure lurking in the shadows. Head bowed deeply in Islawic Prayer, it was wearing a white curly wig and a T-shirt emblazoned with the legend "Objection!" in letters of fire.
Evil Glenn! Looking closely, I could see that he had several heavy books hidden beneath his robes.
Sally: What are YOU doing here?
Glenn: (Somewhat stiffly) I have a perfect right to be here. I'm working on my lawsuit against Grau: Malicious wounding, loss ofpenguins property, and invasion of privacy .
Sally: So the ad didn't work, huh? What's with the books then? Lets see, "Property of The Old Bailey, do not remove..." What? You're stealing BIBLES?
Glenn: I like to think of it more as liberating.
Sally: But why? Is this some sort of diabolical scheme you've cooked up with Satan?
Glenn: Not at all. It was my own idea! You see, all this "swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God" nonsense goes against myshallowest deepest principles! This Liberal crap could destroy the whole case! And if God gets called to the stand, I'm screwed!
Sally: Well, I can see there may be some conflict of interest there...
Glenn: Indeed! I sometimes wish we could go back to Trial by Ordeal: Die, you're innocent; Live you're Evil, and deserve to die. Ahhh, that was Justice... Heh.
Sally: But trial by Lawyer is MUCH nastier, not to mention more painful.
Glenn: And a hell of a lot more profitable. Did I mention I was suing The Alliance for libel? Especially Alex, the filthy liar.
Sally: Author.
Glenn: Whatever, as soon as you're all in jail I'm going to..
Sally: What?
Glenn: Send your daughter to Harvard. Then I figure I'll stop by Harvey's house for a night cosying up on the couch watching Michael Moore films, then perhaps a quick bite...
Sally: We'll stop you, you know. We always do.
Glenn: Heh. I think not. Take a look at these other books! My precious photo - albums! Heavily tampered - with images of The Alliance in compromising positions. You wouldn't DARE counter - sue. I'll ruin you all! Muhahahahaha!
Sally: Jesus Christ! Which version of Photoshop did you use to get Harvey in THAT position?
Glenn: What? Oh that's just one I stole from his house. Here, look at this picture. My personal favourite. All your faces are quite clearly displayed. What a debauched drunken orgy!
Sally: Comment party.
Glenn: Whatever. You'll never stop me. I'm Glenn Reynolds! I do as I please!
Sally: Can I bribe you?
Glenn: How much? I mean, uh, I'm willing to negociate.
Sally: Here's £3.
Glenn: You must be joking! What can I buy with that?
Sally: *smiling evily*, GAS!
Evil Glenn fled as The Munchkin's moon - face emerged from the darkness, pudgy arms outstretched.
"I wouldn't ask you but..."
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Evil Glenn! Looking closely, I could see that he had several heavy books hidden beneath his robes.
Sally: What are YOU doing here?
Glenn: (Somewhat stiffly) I have a perfect right to be here. I'm working on my lawsuit against Grau: Malicious wounding, loss of
Sally: So the ad didn't work, huh? What's with the books then? Lets see, "Property of The Old Bailey, do not remove..." What? You're stealing BIBLES?
Glenn: I like to think of it more as liberating.
Sally: But why? Is this some sort of diabolical scheme you've cooked up with Satan?
Glenn: Not at all. It was my own idea! You see, all this "swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help me God" nonsense goes against my
Sally: Well, I can see there may be some conflict of interest there...
Glenn: Indeed! I sometimes wish we could go back to Trial by Ordeal: Die, you're innocent; Live you're Evil, and deserve to die. Ahhh, that was Justice... Heh.
Sally: But trial by Lawyer is MUCH nastier, not to mention more painful.
Glenn: And a hell of a lot more profitable. Did I mention I was suing The Alliance for libel? Especially Alex, the filthy liar.
Sally: Author.
Glenn: Whatever, as soon as you're all in jail I'm going to..
Sally: What?
Glenn: Send your daughter to Harvard. Then I figure I'll stop by Harvey's house for a night cosying up on the couch watching Michael Moore films, then perhaps a quick bite...
Sally: We'll stop you, you know. We always do.
Glenn: Heh. I think not. Take a look at these other books! My precious photo - albums! Heavily tampered - with images of The Alliance in compromising positions. You wouldn't DARE counter - sue. I'll ruin you all! Muhahahahaha!
Sally: Jesus Christ! Which version of Photoshop did you use to get Harvey in THAT position?
Glenn: What? Oh that's just one I stole from his house. Here, look at this picture. My personal favourite. All your faces are quite clearly displayed. What a debauched drunken orgy!
Sally: Comment party.
Glenn: Whatever. You'll never stop me. I'm Glenn Reynolds! I do as I please!
Sally: Can I bribe you?
Glenn: How much? I mean, uh, I'm willing to negociate.
Sally: Here's £3.
Glenn: You must be joking! What can I buy with that?
Sally: *smiling evily*, GAS!
Evil Glenn fled as The Munchkin's moon - face emerged from the darkness, pudgy arms outstretched.
"I wouldn't ask you but..."
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
We're out!
The Munchkin returned last week. This time she wanted to "borrow" money.
"You know I wouldn't ask, but I need £3 to buy some gas (for their cooker, not for a car. God forbid she should be allowed on the roads). They have some sort of pre - pay system in theirhouse lair. I guess the gas and electric companies don't trust them. With good reason.
In the interests of getting rid of her, I gave her the money.
"I'll pay you back by Tuesday at the latest. And you know, I'll be happy to look after Tara if you two want to go out. Any time at all. We'd love to have her."
I'd rather she looked after my winning lottery ticket.
Well, Tuesday has come and gone, with no sign of her. Best Damn £3 I ever spent!
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
"You know I wouldn't ask, but I need £3 to buy some gas (for their cooker, not for a car. God forbid she should be allowed on the roads). They have some sort of pre - pay system in their
In the interests of getting rid of her, I gave her the money.
"I'll pay you back by Tuesday at the latest. And you know, I'll be happy to look after Tara if you two want to go out. Any time at all. We'd love to have her."
I'd rather she looked after my winning lottery ticket.
Well, Tuesday has come and gone, with no sign of her. Best Damn £3 I ever spent!
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Oh, the Shame...# 1
Inspired by this post of Boudicca's about how kids can embarrass the hell out of you.
A colleague of mine was telling Kindergarten children about the Easter Bunny.
"There's no such thing", said one boy. The kid wouldn't hear another word about it, and was totally disrupting the discussion. He was absolutely adamant.
"Who DOES bring the Easter eggs then?", asked my colleague.
"Your Mommy does. The Easter Bunny is just your Mom, and Daddys try to steal the eggs", he replied.
"What makes you say that?" (My friend was now intrigued)
"Because I SAW my Mommy wearing bunny ears and a fluffy tail. And my Daddy was chasing her!"
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
A colleague of mine was telling Kindergarten children about the Easter Bunny.
"There's no such thing", said one boy. The kid wouldn't hear another word about it, and was totally disrupting the discussion. He was absolutely adamant.
"Who DOES bring the Easter eggs then?", asked my colleague.
"Your Mommy does. The Easter Bunny is just your Mom, and Daddys try to steal the eggs", he replied.
"What makes you say that?" (My friend was now intrigued)
"Because I SAW my Mommy wearing bunny ears and a fluffy tail. And my Daddy was chasing her!"
1 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
I've Recovered
From the pulled muscles sustained at our Costume party. Thanks again to everyone who bravely battled blogspot to attend. Boudicca, in particular, had the worst time getting in, but Harvey also had trouble.
Dr. We Swear was on hand with his own special branch of medicine, before disappearing with Machelle and Teresa.
T1G courageously bounced The Munchkin, and saved the beer. In answer to what he had under his John kerry kilt, I'd have to guess it was a "Purple Heart" or two...
Alex thankfully spotted Evil Glenn lurking in a corner dressed as an Altar Boy, and kept him away from the Punch.
But the award for Best Costume has to go to Father - Oh Johnny and his Extreme Confessional. The prize? He gets the footage of Tammi's dancemat performance! Do what you will with that, Johnny, and congratulations!
2 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Dr. We Swear was on hand with his own special branch of medicine, before disappearing with Machelle and Teresa.
T1G courageously bounced The Munchkin, and saved the beer. In answer to what he had under his John kerry kilt, I'd have to guess it was a "Purple Heart" or two...
Alex thankfully spotted Evil Glenn lurking in a corner dressed as an Altar Boy, and kept him away from the Punch.
But the award for Best Costume has to go to Father - Oh Johnny and his Extreme Confessional. The prize? He gets the footage of Tammi's dancemat performance! Do what you will with that, Johnny, and congratulations!
2 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Couldn't Resist...
It's my sister's first wedding anniversary soon. "What should I get Darren?", she asked.
Bearing in mind that this is their "paper" anniversary, I immediately suggested a bit of origami, but Alex topped me:
"Divorce Papers!", he said.
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Bearing in mind that this is their "paper" anniversary, I immediately suggested a bit of origami, but Alex topped me:
"Divorce Papers!", he said.
3 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
Monday, August 16, 2004
Time for some fun!
As my blogbrother Johnny - Oh reminded me, I've been thinking of having a costume party here at blogspot. Well darn if I don't have FOUR (count 'em) things to celebrate!
New images (courtesy of Alex), and Evil Glenn quote!
Johnny's song, courtesy of _Jon's server!
An unprecedented second in the comments to Frank J's funniest ever "In My World"! (I know, I wasn't very original. Too excited)
Tammi and Boudicca came through the hurricane safe and well!
So you're all very welcome to don the kinky costume of your choice and trash the place participate in a small, controlled social gathering.
We'll be in and out, but you'll have plenty of opportunity to "look around" when we're asleep.
30 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
As my blogbrother Johnny - Oh reminded me, I've been thinking of having a costume party here at blogspot. Well darn if I don't have FOUR (count 'em) things to celebrate!
New images (courtesy of Alex), and Evil Glenn quote!
Johnny's song, courtesy of _Jon's server!
An unprecedented second in the comments to Frank J's funniest ever "In My World"! (I know, I wasn't very original. Too excited)
Tammi and Boudicca came through the hurricane safe and well!
So you're all very welcome to don the kinky costume of your choice and
We'll be in and out, but you'll have plenty of opportunity to "look around" when we're asleep.
30 Nice Things(s) Say something nice here...
