Thursday, January 25th, 2001
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3:34 am - Doubts
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At last i am happy again after thinking everything was going to turn to devastation..no thanks to the help of SOME people who are trying their hand at some kind of brainwashing (not of me) for no apparent reason...what is it?? i mean....what have i done to deserve this kind of hateful campaign against me.....oh the crime of living where i do.....can i help it if i am so far away? no....see...why are people trying to create doubts about me in a certain someones head when these doubts are simply not true and i cannot see how they could be anyway. If proof is needed then fair enough...but proof of what? that i really AM this ugly? that i really DO have pale skin? that i really DO own pvc pants? Oh, or maybe that im not an alien from the planet sadbastard... what would be the point in being deceitful?? No point....think about it, jeez. Talk to my 'real' friends if you want...or whatever..i dont know, hell.
And anyway, i am so very sorry i have been causing so much stress
current mood: Happy but annoyed too...
current music: None
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2001
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10:36 pm - I'm not in the mood to think of a fucking subject
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Lets just say i am NOT fucking happy....*sigh*...me and my paranoia took a trip today...who knows what is happening in this time and space but at this moment id rather not be here....i just wonder the answers the a few questions that is all...maybe i need to go and see a doctor..who knows.
current mood:  pissed off
current music: Godhead
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Saturday, January 20th, 2001
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11:17 pm - Argh
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Well....i just had a not so very good day..people seem to be disappearing everywhere and theres some i miss more than most...*sigh*..plus i had a not so good revalation and confrontation..ah yes, it seems things are never quite as simple as you first would first imagine....i told my good friend Kaylyn about the engagement and the reaction i got was....lets just say..not as good as i had expected....
*sits in a dark corner and mopes*
Why do i get shocking revalations that arent very good when i was just 1 second before unbelieveably happy? why? why why why?
Argh..turns out that basically she thought we might be able to get together as it were..she told me that she loved me and i cant see how....so ive spent the past hour listening to her being horrible about everything and crying... :( i feel so bad but what can i do?? i didnt have a clue that she felt like that so much....i tried to explain all this but i think she has gone into an eternal mood of hatred with me...
I can't help the way i feel...hopefully she can be happy for me eventually...why me though?? i just dont get it...theres a billion guys out there and she opts for me...its like....argh i dont know...im off to go and eat and brood.....ive take quite a liking to peanut butter with cheese and spring onion sandwich spread....
Nothing is ever simple....life....definatly not..
I would have become a hermit but life has its pleasures and beauties too...
current mood:  crappy
current music: Silence
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Friday, January 19th, 2001
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12:59 pm - Sometimes i wonder....
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Hrm well nothing too much has happened in the life of this deadboi...i guess lying in bed until 1pm and missing college is a habit that should really be stopped....
oops...
HEhehehEheeee i am still hyper from last night and all..what with my engagement...ah a married man i will one day soon be!! wow i am so damn happy *grin*.i can't believe it...i dont really know why jennifer said yes....i guess maybe shes been sniffing too much nailpolish/petrol/marker pen....
Hm im sad to see that some people will be so malicious sometimes..i wonder why we cant all get along...but then i realise...we are human beings.
I despair of the human race sometimes....gah
And another thing..why cant red haired girls leave me alone!!!??? You know when you really have the urge to place your hands around someones throat and just...revel in the pleasure of seeing them slowly slip away.....
I suppose the only thing that keeps me from murder is the thought that id be doing them a favour by ridding them of their miserable existance hehehe...
Well im off to drip all over my bed.....
current mood:  bouncy
current music: Living dead girl - Rob Zombie
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(1 comment | comment on this)
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Tuesday, January 18th, 2000
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1:42 pm - Happiness
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Heeheeheeeeeee i am soooooo ecstatic!! ..heheh asked Jennifer to marry me and she said yes!!!!! *collapse* i can't believe it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
current mood:  ecstatic
current music: sweet silence
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