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Saturday, September 29th 2001
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@ 05:48p
well, everythings gone to hell.. i try to talk to people to help me feel better, but that pisses people off, i write in this and it gets me in trouble.. so i figure i'm just gonna keep everything to myself. so this is my last journal entry for a long time, so if anyone does waste there time reading this.. don't bother any more because i'm not going to write in it for a while.
mood:  depressed
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Friday, September 28th 2001
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@ 08:56p
hm... well, this weekend isn't starting off to good.. emily paged me, but i didn't call her back until 4 or 5 hours later because i was out and i couldn't get to a phone, and when i did call her i don't think she wanted to talk to me so i let her go. that's fine, i wouldn't want to talk to me either. i dunno, people tell me she likes me so much, but sometimes i get the wrong vibes and i feel like a fuckin' moron or something. i don't think she likes me that much. then she found out i was talking to my x-x girlfriend and she asked me, but when she asked me she kind of sounded upset, just in the way she asked (or maybe i'm just to paranoid or used to her getting mad at me)..but the way she asked me hit me wrong. and now i feel like i can't even talk to my x x girlfriend because someone's getting mad at me about it, thinking i'm stringing her along, making her think i want to get back together with her.. i don't know what the fuck gave her that idea. maybe from now on when i really need to talk to someone i should just keep it to myself, because when all my other friends are gone, and i want to call my x (who i consider a friend) i can't, because i guess anything i say she takes the worng way and people get pissed. and when i did talk to her i didn't insinuate anything about us getting back together, why the fuck would i do that???? why???? i don't know, i just must be that much of a fuck up and can't do anything right.. that's how i lost emily, and now people are getting pissed at me all the time.. what the fuck is wrong with me?? what is my purpose here if all i do is piss people off, get hurt and get fucked over constantly.. i think it's fucked up.. and alot of it is high school immature fucked up drama bullshit. probably not, it's probably just me. i guess i'm just that fucked up.. oh well.
mood:  irritated
music: leaether strip "how do i know"
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Thursday, September 27th 2001
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@ 09:03p
"my hearts a blood stained egg, we didn't handle with care, it's broken and bleeding, and we can never repair"
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@ 09:02p
oh my god... what a fucked up week!!!
mood:  crushed
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Saturday, September 15th 2001
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@ 09:36p
support america!
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Thursday, September 13th 2001
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@ 06:16p
"and now that i know you, i can never turn my back away, and now that i see you, i believe no matter what they say. I feel so alive, for the very first time, i can't deny you" - pod
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@ 06:12p
this week was alright... everything worked out for me, i kinda thought it would... so no more fucking the world, except the middle east.. thats' bullshit what happened in new york. we need to close the borders.i hope we find the fuckers that did this and blow them up. i say we nuke the whole fuckin' middle east, all they are is problems for everyone. get rid of them and everything will be fine and peaceful. no more bin laden, no more sadam husain..
oh well.. i guess we'll just have to wait and see.
on a brighter note, this weekend should be fun, me and emily are gonna hang out, i think we're going to the mall on saturday. but i don't know about tomorrow night.. we'll think of something to do.. oh well.. hm..
mood:  cheerful
music: p.o.d "alive"
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Sunday, September 9th 2001
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@ 11:56a
"things aren't the way they were before, you wouldn't even recognize me anymore, not that you knew me back then but it all comes back to me in the end. you kept everything inside, and even though i tried it all fell apart, what it ment to be will eventually be a memory of time when i tried so hard and got so far, in the end it dosen't even matter, i had to fall to lose it all, in the end it dosen't even matter... i put my trust in you, pushed as far as i can go, for all this, there's only one thing you should know."-linkin park
"will you, walk me, to the edge again? shaking, lonely and i'am drinking again. woke up, tonight and no ones here with me. i'm giving into you......caught up, in life, losing all my friends. family, has tried, to heal all my addictions. tragic, it seems, to be alone again. i'm giving into you. take me under, i'm giving into you, i'm dying tonight, i'm giving into you, watch me crumble, i'm giving into you, i'm crying tonight, i'm giving into you"- adema
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@ 11:53a
well this past week was ok.. even though it was the first week of school, i had a little fun.. everything was goin' great, until yesterday, i got fucked over really good yesterday.. it sucks.
i'm pretty depressed about all the bullshit that happened.. oh well, it's ok.. i'm sure it'll all work out in the end.. hopefully.. but until then FUCK THE WORLD
mood: cold
music: gardenian "doom and gloom"
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Sunday, September 2nd 2001
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@ 12:44p
lame, school starts on tuesday.. it's pretty depressing.. oh well, this year shouldn't be to bad.. it better not be bad, it's my senior year, it better be easy as fuck..
i got slipknots new cd... well i HAD it. jon bought it, then burned it for me, but i ran into chris a couple days ago.. and he wanted me to burn it for him, but sense i don't see him that often i just decided to give him the copy i had.. so now i'm without.. it's ok though, i'll have it again soon.. it's a fuckin' badass cd.. i'm still waitin on machine heads new cd to come out, i think it comes out october 2nd..
i can't wait until saturday.. i'm goin' to six flags, i've never been there before.. oh well, it's gonna be badass.. well, i don't know what else to talk about...
mood:  excited
music: leaether strip "strap me down"
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Sunday, August 26th 2001
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@ 06:39p
helped matt move all day today and yesterday.. it was a pain in the ass!! but it's cool cuz i got free lunch and free beer.. i have to go look for another job this week... yippie... i hate looking for jobs.. it sucks, oh well.. my sister "in law" and bro, left yesterday, it sucked, they were fun having around..... my sister "in law" is pregnant again, it's cool, she better have a boy this time.. and she better name in dave! :) i don't care what the name is, just so long as it's a boy.. hmmm...
mood:  drained
music: beautiful creatures "new orleans"
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Wednesday, August 22nd 2001
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@ 02:37p
ooo yeah, my friend from utah called me yesterday.. i was shocked! it was cool, she's gettin crazy because i haven't written her yet so she wanted my address so she could write me.. i dunno, it was cool, i didn't think she really cared if we kept in touch.
yesterday i found this gothic chick want's me.. but she's got a boyfriend so i'm like.. eh.. and her boyfriend's kinda lame, he's one of those guys that hates everyone and everything, no friends or anything.... why would a chick go out with someone like that??? i think it would be a little depressing.
mood: content
music: inxs "need you tonight"
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@ 02:28p
this weeks been alright.. been hangin out with my bro alot which is cool cuz we never get to hang out cuz he lives so far away. i've won about 40 dollars off of him by kickin' his ass in basketball. school starts in a couple weeks which sucks ass, i went and got my schedule and everything yesterday.. it sucked, i hate school soooo much... oh well, this is my last year so i'm hoping it won't be that bad.. i dunno, i'm pretty bored though...
mood:  bored
music: inxs "devil inside"
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Thursday, August 16th 2001
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@ 12:44p
new cd's
1. beautiful creatures
2. cradle of filth "midian"
3. Cradle of filth "cruelty and the beast"
4. cradle of filth
5. primus
6. depeche mode "exciter"
7. depeche mode "singles"
8. finger 11
9. pro-pain "the best of"
damn, i got 9 new cd's in 2 weeks... it's like xmas.. the best cd's out of all of 'em i would have to say is 1. beautiful creatures 2. cradle of filth "midian" and depeche mode "singles"..
they're all good.. damn, school starts in a couple weeks, this sucks.. down with school.. oh well, this is my last year, and it's off to utah i go.. woohoo!!!! i can't wait.. nope.. i can't..
my sister and neice are down from utah, it's cool, my neice cracks me up.. my bro is flying down tomorrow, that'll be fun.. mmmm
mood: chipper
music: beautiful creatures "kickin' for days"
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Monday, August 13th 2001
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@ 10:38p
"she was divinity's creature
that kissed in cold mirrors
a queen of snow...
far beyond compare
lips attuned to symmetry
sought her everywhere
dark liqoured eyes
and arabian nightmare...
she shone on watercolours
of my pondlife as pearl" - cradle of filth
"my appetite whetted,
storm crows wheeled
at the blurred edges of reason
till i was fullfilled
whores d'oeuvres eaten.
i tucked her into a grave coffin fit
for the queen of spades
she went out like a light
in my mind, her face an avalanche
of pearl, of ruby wine...
much was a flux,
but the month once good for fucks
came from retirement to prove
she had not lost her touch
i kissed her viciously,
maliciously, religiously
but when has ONE
been able TO
best seperate the THREE?" - cradle of filth
music: cradle of filth -"lord abortion"
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