The Lazer Beam

If you hate the son, you hate the father.

Dear Rabbi Lazer,
I've been following your blog closely for the last three months, and I must admit that you've put a big dent in many of my preconceived ideas. You see, I was raised in a stringent Orthodox home. I dropped out of Yeshiva to attend university, and ultimately law school. To be honest, Orthodox Judaism - with its intramural contentions and its emphasis on minor ritual - had turned me off. On the other hand, I found no solace in the watered down varieties of conservative, reform, and reconstructionist - I tried them all, so to speak. Anyway, am I correct in saying that you are phenominally lenient in the commandments between man and G-d, but correspondingly severe on the commandments between man and fellow man? If you represent real Orthodox Judaism, then I'm willing to come back to the fold. Looking forward to your reply, Alan A., USA

Dear Alan,

I can't crown myself the spokesman for Orthodox Judaism. This site reflects my ideas and my own interpretations of Jewish law, ethics, and thought. But, this site was constructed with the blessings and encouragement of the following giants of contemporary Orthodox Judaism, may they all enjoy good health and longevity, namely:
1. Rabbi Moshe Halberstam of the Eda Charedis in Jerusalem.
2. The Belzer Rov of Jerusalem.
3. The renown Kabbalist Rabbi David Basri of Jerusalem.
4. The Melitzer Rebbe of Ashdod.
5. Rabbi Noach Weinberg, Rosh Yeshiva of Aish Hatora

Personally, I am a Talmid muvhak (pupil) of both Rabbi Noach Weinberg and The Melitzer Rebbe. My philosophy on Judaism is derived from their philosophies, from the philosophy of Rebbe Nachman of Breslev (1772-1810), and from my own experience as a soldier and as a baal tshuva (newcomer to traditional Judaism).

My lenience in religious law always is built on solid sources in Talmud and Shulchan Oruch (Code of Jewish Law). Religious law is designed for our benefit, not for our suffering. The bigger the scholar, the more room there is for lenience, as we all learned from the legendary leader of 20th Century American Judaism, Rabbi Moshe Feinstein of blessed memory.

On the other hand, I come down like a ton of bricks on those who mistakenly think that they're superior to others, and who ridicule or discriminate against those outside their own sect or of those with different skin colors, accents, origins, etc. Hate, gossip, and discrimination are the reasons for the destruction of our holy temple; the continued purveyors of hate and discrimination within our own midst are the reason for the continuqation of the Diaspora and the delay in our redemption. That's what the three weeks between 17 Tammuz and the 9th of Av is all about.

A black hat, beard, and long coat is a joke if the wearer doesn't know how to smile and say good morning to a fellow human being. Last week, it took me an hour to mend the damage and pain that a Moroccan Jew suffered when his Polish neighbor failed to answer his "good morning" when they were alone in an elevator.

Why am I so stringent on the commandments between man and fellow man? The answer is simple. Our Torah teaches one to love one's fellow human. Your fellow human is also a child of The Almighty. When you love the child, you love the parent. But, if you hate the child, you hate the Father. Get the picture?

I strongly suggest that anyone with difficulties in life examine their own feelings toward their fellow human. A person can recite Psalms and pray all day long, but if he/she harbors malice in the heart toward other humans, the prayers won't be answered. Atoning for eating pork is a lot easier that atoning for hate, revenge, or slander.

Alan, welcome back to the fold. You've got no more excuses to sit on the other side of the fence. Find a synagogue that you're comfortable with, and a local rabbi whom you like. There're are plenty of superb people in your area that are dedicated servants to G-d and their fellow man. Hook up to one. You're always welcome here in Ashdod, too. Have an easy fast, and may way all hear the good news of redemption soon. Yours always, Lazer Brody

Greetings from Rebbe Shimon and Rebbe Meir.

I'm pleased to report that your kvittlach (wish lists) are safely by the gravesite of Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai in Miron. Before I placed your written requests there, I prayed for each and every name and request.

For those of you on vacation, or those that missed the opportunity to send me a wish list, I said the ten psalms of "Tikun Klali" in your behalf by the gravesites of Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai in Miron and by Rebbe Meir Baal Haness in Tiberias.

The Melitzer Rebbe, my esteemed teacher and spiritual master may he live a long and happy life, extends his blessings to all the LazerBeam readers, and says: "May The Almighty grant you success in all your endeavors, and answer all your heart's wishes for the best".

If the path to Heaven is as beautiful as the of the Northern Galilee scenery on the way to Miron, then it's worth your efforts to try to get to Heaven. But, why wait until you're 120 to see such beauty? Buy a ticket to Israel, come on over, and see for yourself. We're not much on the material side over here, but spirituality is as abundant as fresh air. If you listen close enough, you can hear the rocks singing praises to The Almighty. There's no place on earth like this land of milk and honey.

Warmest regards from Ashdod.

The Prince and the Mountain Man

Here's another original Lazer allegory for your weekend or Sabbath table. Discuss it with the family, and if you wish, send me your interpretations, which I'll be happy to publish.

I was hiking in the back woods of Appalachia. All of a sudden, I met a mountain man in a goatskin jacket and a rabbit-fur hat, wielding a double-barreled shotgun.

"Where ya think yur headin', stranger?" he challenged in a menacing tone.

He didn't scare me, and I simply smiled back at him. "I'm heading up the trail to the top o' the mountain. I'm going to visit The King. You're welcome to join me. By the way, I'm no stranger - I'm your brother."

"The hell you are," he replied, waving his shotgun in my face. "Maybe I'll just pull the trigger and blast you outa my space."

"Be my guest," I told him, undaunted by his silly charades. "You'll simply shorten my trek to The King's palace." I rolled up my sleeve, and showed him that I had scars on the same exact place that he did, and repeated, "I'm no stranger - I'm your brother."

Tears welled up in his eyes. The tears washed away the dark clouds that obscured his retnae. Now, his eyes began shining like the sun. "Prove it that you're my brother!"

"No problem," I said. I removed my sunglasses, and my eyes illuminated the entire dark woods, with an array of lights like Aurora Borealis. "You see," I explained, you and I are both sons of the King. Only the King's children are born with such powers of illumination. Our power diminishes when we leave the palace; but, whenever we cry in yearning for the King, we regain some of our power, as you have now. As soon as we return to the palace, our eyes will illuminate stronger than ever."

I then explained to the mountain man, that when I was a baby, robbers kidnapped me from the palace. I grew up in the woods, suffered hardships and injury, and eventually fought my way back to the palace. Interesting, but the eyes of a returning prince shine brighter than the eyes of a prince that never left the palace. In turn, the returning princes are decorated with medals of valor, and become officers in the King's Honor Guard.

"Come, mountain man," I said, extending an open hand, "I want to take you home."

All aboard! Final call for Kvittlach!

You'd probably pay a lot of money for the privilege of an audience with the President or the Prime Minister; they can barely help themselves, so chances are slim that they can do anything for you, especially in the areas of life, matchmaking, health, and children. You now have a golden opportunity to send your wish list to Rebbe Shimon Bar Yochai, who will no doubt take it right to the Heavenly Throne. What are you waiting for?

Lazer must have all kvittlach in his hands by tonight (Thu. 15 July) at midnight EST, which is Fri. 7a.m. in Israel. Don't miss the train! This periodic service is free for LazerBeam readers.

The LazerBeam will be taking a long weekend, and after tomorrow's post, will be back G-d willing, this coming Tuesday, 3 Av (20 July).

Getting in shape.

Dear Rabbi Lazer,
My friend Rabbi DW suggested I write you. I am a traditional Jew and let me tell you my story. Both my parents died before my 18th birthday may they rest in peace. I went to University and moved to NYC. After 2 years of serious financial struggle Hashem blessed me and I made alot of money. Like many young men I was very foolish and spent it and lived the highlife. I am now divorced, and have a seven year old little girl who is the most important thing to me. I have lost all my money, I have started a new business which does not pay me a salary, I live with my brother, and my ex wife and daughter live in France and refuse to come back. I miss my daughter and afraid my exwife is causing emotional damage to her terribly. I am 40 years old, overweight, feel like I have never loved! My financial situation is tenous, but I give as much charity I can, and have become more observant. I would like to find a Jewish women who I find attractive and would like to marry and have more children and find love. I would like my financial situation to stabilize and find fullfillment in my work and not have to worry about being in debt and would like to pay all my old debts back in full. I would like for my exwife to send my daughter back so we can be together again. Maybe, I am asking for to much. Could you help me give me a little guidance, hope and advice how to attain these things. Thank you, MT

Dear MT,

You sound like a ship without a rudder. Let's do a little reorganizing in your life, and put you in spiritual and physical shape. Once you're back in shape, everything will fall into place.

1. No. 1 priority in life - Hashem! That means you have to try your best to daven 3x/day in a minyan, and learn for at least an hour a day - chumash, mishnayos, and a little gemorra (the more the better). Remember that observance isn't much without faith and dedication. Trust in Hashem, and He'll solve all your problems.
2. You have to spend time talking to Hashem every day, spilling your heart out. You can do this while you're walking for exercise - mandatory one hour a day!
3. Cut out junk food, and if you want to eat between meals, eat carrot sticks.
4. Don't feel sorry for yourself; thank Hashem for all your blessings.
5. Don't think about your daughter for the time being. Once you start getting your body and soul in shape, you'll be projecting more positive energy. The business will straighten out and so will the issue about your daughter.
6. When you become healthier in body and soul, you'll get a shidduch fast, so don't worry.

In short, learning, davening, talking to Hashem, eating right, and exercising will make a new man out of you. There are no shortcuts. If you follow my advice, you can expect big changes in your life for the better within a few short weeks. Yours always, Lazer Brody