Man to get "Hollywood treatment" on 1,000th visit to park
Let's introduce him to the guy who just ate his 20,000th Big Mac. (Dayton Daily News/need a login/pw?)

Forgery suspect tries to eat phony $4,125 check
She had hoped to buy a 42-inch plasma television with it. Her arrest got in the way of that, though. (Fayetteville, GA Citizen)

Teen tells cops he's going to be honest about why he stole SUV
"I am a man, and I stole the truck for my girlfriend's prom that is tomorrow," the 16-year-old boy told police after being pulled from the wrecked vehicle. (Detroit Free Press)

Three charged with robbing store to get Ozzy Osbourne tickets
They left the store with about $300 after threatening the clerk with a BB gun, but were nabbed by police. (Oshkosh, Wis. Northwestern)

Man's "NOTAG" plate on Suzuki results in over 200 tickets
"All the traffic tickets say, 'Notice of violation. License number: no tag,' " says Jim Cara. "I messed up the system so bad. I wonder if they can put me in jail or something?" (DelawareOnline.com)

Dad to comatose son: I'll buy you a Corvette if you wake up
Jason Stackiewicz's $75,000 new car will arrive at his home in September. (Boston Globe)

PLUS:
> Teen accused of shooting kids with air gun while quoting scripture
> Man feels just great after surviving lightning strike this week
> Cop: Manhole blast "the freakiest thing I've ever seen in my career"
> 4-H Fair queen says DWI arrest helped her "straighten up"
> Send story suggestions to obscure1@mindspring.com

Don't let your 12-year-old drive the car -- even if she begs
In this case, the girl apparently panicked and stepped on the gas instead of the brakes while keeping the wheel turned to the right. The car hopped a curb, zoomed through the parking lot and crashed into a pair of Nissan Maximas parked side by side. (New Orleans Times-Picayune)

Who's taking swear words out of "Murder, She Wrote" books?
An unknown culprit in Mormon country has crossed out the nasty words and replaced them with milder words, like "darn," "gosh" or "heck," written in black, purple, green and even pink ink. One library patron says: "It bothers me 'cause I'm trying to read a book. It's distracting." (Deseret News)

Poll: Most people want to be told by a pal if they smell bad
Marcus Jones once worked at a place where the "flame-thrower breath" of one of his colleagues could knock a buzzard off its feet. "His tactic at the time wasn't to confront his co-worker," says this report. "Instead, he and his colleagues made the following offer repeatedly: 'Mint?'" So subtle. (Wall Street Journal)

Man who "flips off" train crew has wheelchair clipped by engine
Leland Laird has been wheelchair-bound since 1989 when a car he was driving was struck by a train. However, that's not why he makes obscene gestures at train workers. He's upset by the horns, says a cop. On Tuesday, he got a little too close to a train and a gas tank on the engine clipped his wheelchair, damaging it. (Appleton Post-Crescent)

Teen gets life in prison in poisoning death of best friend
Prosecutors say Ryan Furlough, 19, had planned Benjamin's Vassiliev's murder for months -- he slipped cyanide into the 17-year-old's Vanilla Coke -- and that he felt slighted by his friend's failure to give him presents on his birthday and Christmas and threatened by Vassiliev's relationship with his girlfriend. (Washington Post/need a login/pw?)

PLUS:
> Jockeys' code of silence re fasting, vomiting is slowly being broken
> Man hurt when blast causes manhole cover to fly through windshield

Men charged in Burger King "potty rage" incident
The situation developed when a 52-year-old man took too much time in a bathroom at Burger King. Andres A. Diaz, who was in the john, and Joseph Manuel Augusto, 37, who was waiting to use it, got into an argument when Diaz emerged. Heated words escalated into a physical fight. The two men allegedly bumped chests, then chased each other around the restaurant with their weapons. (AP)

Family's "new" Ford Windstar was once used to transport corpses
They're suing the dealership, which they claim rolled back the odometer. "My clients ... suffered great mental anguish once they found out what their van was used for prior to their purchase of it," says their lawyer. (Suburban Chicago Daily Herald)

Police say dad taught his four kids how to shoplift
The man and his children, ages 5, 6, 8 and 13, are accused of stealing school clothes and bicycles from two stores over the weekend. The dad taught the children to remove magnetic security tags from the merchandise, say police. After they were caught, the 8-year-old daughter told authorities that whenever they go shopping, "My dad always steals and my mom always buys." (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel/need a login/pw)

Museum apologizes after tour guide rubs black kids' heads
The Getty Center tour guide "started talking about smooth and rough textures and she grabbed the head of one of my black boy students and rubbed his head and said 'This is rough,' " says a fourth-grade teacher. "The kids were in shock. It was like she had just ripped out their spirits." The guide did it to a second student, too. (Los Angeles Times)

Check local laws before putting a "For Sale" sign on your car
You'll get a ticket in some cities. One man who was fined $35 for placing two "For Sale" signs in his car that was parked on a city street went to the American Civil Liberties Union. It successfully argued that the law violated his free-speech rights. (Los Angeles Times)

Wisconsin man eats his 20,000th Big Mac as hundreds watch
Don Gorske (he was in "Super Size Me") was surrounded by about 200 fans and curiosity seekers, and had microphones and camera lenses stuck in his face as he finished the sandwich. He eats Big Mac sandwiches every day. (Fond du Lac Reporter)

PLUS:
> Jail inmates charged after breaking out for "beer run"
> GOP office to take down "Kerry is bin Laden's man" bumper sticker
> Man misses hearing after firing out of limo to celebrate wedding
> Jury rejects softball player's $2M lawsuit over broken leg

Audiences just love seeing guys getting hit in the groin
"Women would certainly be screaming and complaining if men were kicking women in the genitals [in popular culture]," said the author of "What's So Funny: The Comic Conception of Culture and Society." "But men by and large still hold almost all the positions of power in society, and the powerful are always targets for humor." (Los Angeles Times)

Claim: There are plenty of lonely people posting on Craig's List
Libby Copeland checks out the "Strictly Platonic" and "Activity Partners" sections and writes: "To read these queries is to realize how needy people are, even if they express it only under a cloak of Internet anonymity. There is a sense that it doesn't really matter who you are, that anyone is better than no one, that no fate is worse than being alone." (Washington Post/need a login/pw?)
> Columnist checks out the postings on ConservativeMatch.com

Cops say birthday boy (23) was nude, covered with nacho cheese
Police say Michael Monn was spotted at 5 a.m. Sunday running nude from a snack bar with a box of stolen snacks. He had apparently scaled an 8-foot tall fence while naked and covered in nacho cheese and was seen running toward a Jeep in which officers found clothing and an open bottle of vodka. (Maryville TN Daily Times)
> Do you really want to see this guy taking out the trash in the nude?

Cyclists hurt after vandals stretch plastic wrap across road
"It's appalling, and it's really frightening," says the passenger. "What was their intention? This should make people more aware that pranks like that are not as harmless as they seem." The motorcycle was a total loss. (Milwaukee Journal Sentinel/need a login/pw)

California's oldest woman loved bacon and coffee in the morning
Elma Corning, who lived to 112, also had an occasional cocktail before bed. "Each Wednesday, including her final one, Corning had her hair curled," says this report. "Every other week, she sat for a manicure. Always proud of her appearance, Corning modeled in the home's annual fashion shows until she was 100." (Los Angeles Times)

Claim: Airport cop used surveillance cameras to ogle women
Officer William Rossi is accused of using the closed-circuit surveillance system at San Francisco International Airport to "focus on women's breasts and buttocks.'' Rossi overrode the normal workings of the cameras and kept other officers from using the surveillance system, according to charges against him. (San Francisco Chronicle)

PLUS:
> Stolen library book results in 10-minute police chase
> Baltimore tourists stranded in balloon 200 feet above ground for two hours
> St. Louis airport visitors have left behind $2,748 in loose change in '04

Woman says in personal ad: I only want guys over 5'10"
"Responses poured in," writes Marna Bunger, who is 5'9". "I soon realized there must be a lot of angry, short guys in L.A. I was amazed to receive so many negative responses to a personal ad, and even more amazed that people spent time to respond negatively." (Los Angeles Times)

Cops seek man who had sex with pit bull-boxer mix
Daniel J. Joyner, 27, is accused of injuring the animal during a sexcapade. He faces felony charges of engaging in sexual conduct with an animal and criminal damage to property. An official says the dog has recovered and is back with its owner. (Suburban Chicago Daily Herald)

Granny soothes intruder with stories, photos; he falls asleep
The 73-year-old woman pulled out pictures of Saint Theresa and prayed next to him. She also showed him photos of her grandchildren and shared stories about them, say police. He eventually fell asleep. (Bay City News/SF Chronicle)

Vandals let dozens of rabbits out of their pens at 4-H fair
Some bucks and does were put in cages together and "Mother Nature took her course," says a cop. "Rabbits do what rabbits do best." (Terre Haute Tribune Star)

Woman is scared after spending most of $13K from bum contest check
Jaclyn Swenson's $13,000 check from an online contest has been trouble ever since it showed up. It has gotten her sued by her credit union, it had her afraid to leave the house, and it has her worried she'll somehow lose her children. (Racine, Wis. Journal Times)

Man known as the "parking meter fairy" has a pink curly wig
He wears a lavender tutu, too. Xavier Cortes' job is to put quarters in parking meters about to expire. Surprisingly, he gets along with all the parking meter officers. "Meter maids have been nothing but nice to me," he says. "I've had a secret fear that they'd be antagonistic." (South Florida Sun-Sentinel)

PLUS:
> City sues homeowner for cutting tops off pine trees to improve view
> Here's another guy with a house "filled with so much crap"

Man, 21, accused of serial foot kissing
He also asked one girl if he could kiss her liver. (Pittsburgh Post-Gazette)

Are the Perverted-Justice people cyber-vigilantes -- or a lynch mob?
Perverted-Justice.com has "busted" over 690 people since the organization began going after what it calls "wannabe pedophiles" in July 2002. One critic of the site says: "This has grown into something quite dangerous. They are using vigilante tactics and anonymity to destroy people's lives. The victim loses his job, family, neighborhood and any respect anyone ever had for him." (Phoenix New Times)

Cops nab man suspected of cutting girls' pony tails in cemeteries
Officers went to the man's home and found one ponytail "combed with the ends glued and placed neatly under his Bible on the side of the bed." (Daily Comet/need a login/pw?)

Softball player sues for $2M after breaking leg in game
Michael Licitra, 44, claims that a player for the opposing softball team knowingly violated the so-called "Pete Rose" rule, which prohibits avoidable collisions. (Newsday)

"Foot" found in bag of frozen chicken is actually a biscuit
Police think the chunk of deep-fried dough was intentionally shaped to resemble a foot. "It was the size of what you expect an infant's foot to be," says a cop. "It appeared to have markings such as toes and toenails." The officer says he doesn't know how much the sculpted dough weighs, because he didn't want to touch it. (Raleigh News & Observer/need a login/pw?)

Cop on jet ski retrieves stolen 6-foot fiberglass lobster
A crowd of about 25 broke into cheers when the lobster was taken out of the water. ''The mood was one of great excitement," says a witness. ''It was in remarkably good shape, and it's good that it wasn't in the water any longer." Police received an anonymous tip earlier in the week that a Volvo with teenagers was seen in the area before a large splash was heard. (Boston Globe)

PLUS:
> Woman who offered pig as bait to lure tiger will be cited
> Alleged gangbanger who got $290K settlement charged with murder
> Family's trip delayed when teen son's name is flagged at airport
> Fire breather's party trick fails, she "instantly was in flames"