I cannot understand why it's such a struggle for me to make decisions. But when I make them, damn, does it feel good. I think I could be diagnosed with some personality disorder - like a combo of bipolar/anxiety/ocd. I'd be interested to find out some day. Some day when I have good health insurance.

But I digress...

I've received a graduate assistantship for school and I've decided to quit my job and be a student again!! I'm stoked. I can finally rest in the confines of academia and not worry about solving everyone's problems for a couple of years.

Hmmm...time for some oreo ice cream. With cherries. Lotsa cherries.

So, it's Saturday and I have company in from out of town. We had such amazing plans for what was supposed to happen tonight. But instead, we are sitting in my living room watching old DVD's and contemplating if we have the conscience to actually order food and risk a delivery man/woman's life to bring it to us in the blizzard that is going on outside. Now, I don't think I can do it. But I do have company to feed. So, I'm completely unsure. Do I really want to be responsible for someone's fate just because there is a pizza craving going on in my living room? I don't know. But what I do know is that we have three frozen fish filets in my freezer and a bottle of soy sauce. That is not going to make anyone happy. And when people are unhappy and hungry they complain. And when people complain no one has fun. And nothing is worse being trapped in a 2 bedroom apartment in a snowstorm with hungry people complaining. So, the moral of my rant is never show up to a pizza delivery job on a day that there is a snowstorm.

I just returned from a cruise in the Eastern Caribbean. I am tan and about five pounds heavier than I was when I left. And after only two measly hours of work, I was just as stressed out as I was when I left. Gotta love social work...

But, it was truly amazing. Constant eating and drunken debauchery. We witnessed the poverty and private beaches of Nassau, Bahamas. hiked around a Rain Forest in San Juan, and went snorkeling in St. Thomas. The snorkeling was by far the best. We were inches away from Sting Rays. And the coral reefs were amazing. I'll have to share my pictures when I get my scanner up and running.
By far the best vacation ever. I think it's because it's a total separation from everything. No one can reach you on your cell phone. You can't sneak out and check your voicemail. It's a complete break.

So, now I'm back in Indy. In the snow.
Cheers.

Just for the record:
I traveled to 4 stores in the Indianapolis area looking for Hanukkah candles. 300 Christmas bows, 4,000 boxes of lights, and no f**n canldes. Am I the only Jew in Indianapolis?

And to top it off, I sprained my ankle at aerobics class. My doc said it's minor, but, sheeeeit does it hurt. Keep in mind, exersize is a healthy practice for the average human being. Where this places me in the spectrum, I'm honestly not sure. All I have to say is that after breaking bones at softball, horseback riding, and now a sprain at a step aerobics class, I'm really glad I never took up skiing.

I just don't. I mean, lets face it. There are friends that you encounter in life that you think...well...they are cool, they don't emit any toxic odors, they won't look too terrible to be seen with in sleezy bars or swanky pizza parlors. And then you have friends like Ned, that take the time and energy to revamp a website whose namesake has all but slapped it in the ass and told it to fester and decay while she goes about her dry daily routine. Ned is a cool dude. I mean, not only is he undeniably sexy, overwhelming even the potent sex appeal of former NKOTB, Joseph McIntyre, but he's smart too. And boy oh boy, what he can do with a website. Neddy managed to find a pic of me, quite possibly the only on in recent history, where my eyes aren't bulging out, and my hair is tame. All in all, I think I like him. Thank you nedward. You are my favorite...please don't tell anyone.

I think that I've come up with every excuse in the book for why I haven't been writing. So, I'm going to spare you all the average, ordinary everyday excuse -- and actually give you a good one. My computer was one step below crappy, where I would type a line and see it five minutes later. But those days are over. My darling beautiful israeli wonderwoman has given me her old, outdated computer, which still has ten times more chutzpah than mine. So, I'm gonna be postin more -- well at least more frequently than once every three months.

To give the update -- I have left the ever changing world of video production, and have entered the underpaid overworked realm of social work. I am an Employment Consultant. Which means that I find people with disabilities (watch it danno) jobs in the community. It's hard, frustrating, and is making me prematurely gray, but has a speck of gratitude attatched to it, which is why I am staying put for the short term. Now the perks of being an employment consultant is that you get business cards and pagers, and they give you the illusion that you are important. And there is this sense of warmth that comes when you find someone a job and make someone the happiest they have been in years. The cons are that for the past two weeks I have spent every day in the back room of a Subway, training a client at her job. I smell like Jared. I just do. And the stench is one that won't ware off with a warm shower and some scented body soap. So, if anyone misses me, and wants to feel closer to me, although i am trapped in hoosierland, just enter your local Subway and inhale the fresh baked bread, oniony air, and think that somewhere, in a remote, pseudo city in the midwest, I am inhaling similar air. But don't stay too long, because it will stick.

I have to admit, my college dreams never consisted of this. Maybe it's time for another career switch...

Oy.
Time sho does fly when you forget to write in this thing. Life is good for now. The job is getting busier which means the days are passing quicker which means that nights are coming sooner. And nights rule.

I went to Indy Summer Stage this weekend and it was awesome. I saw G-Love, The Roots, Guided by Voices, Blondie, The Jazz Mandolin Project, and Los Straightjackets. For those of you that haven't seen Los Straightjackets, you have to. They are three men dressed in Mexican wrestling masks playing instrumental big wave music. They are surrounded by half naked women in wigs, masks and mexican hats. Awesome.

And can we just say that Debbie Harry just rules and I hope to be that cool when I'm in my late 50's.

4 days til 666 comes to visit!!! The countdown begins...

Maybe it's just the weather.
It probably is. It's been raining for the past three days and it's supposed to rain for the next five.

Last night I made the bad mistake of going through old shoeboxes full of memories - notes, pictures, phone numbers. It was one of those things that you go into thinking that you'll come out of it sad and nostalgic.

I found myself calling every number I could find. Dialing people I haven't talked to in years, all of whose numbers had either been changed or disconnected. You come to this realization that you have lost touch with so many people that you swore you wouldn't at the time.
I remember being at college and sitting in Tasia's dorm room, feeling that nobody understood us as much as we did each other. Saying that she was one of the few people from college that I KNEW I wouldn't lose track of. Last time I talked to her, we were both moving away with our boyfriends. I had called her for some advice because I was having cold feet. And Tasia has always given me great advice. She has a way of saying things that make apprehensions seem trivial. I longed to be as laid back as she was. I knew that where I would lay awake at night and worry about everything, she could sleep soundly and let life happen to her. Some of the best conversations I have ever had in my life were with her. I truly love and miss her. There is one thing though that I don't understand about her: Why the fuck isn't she listed?!?!?!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't in Indiana and was in a place where people moved to instead of away from. But overall, I'm happy here. I guess I just long for a group of friends like I had in college or in high school. It's rough making these life decisions that involve you being away from the people that you love. And it's rough making these life mistakes where you don't think about keeping in touch as much as you should. It just seems easier and easier to seclude yourself into your own life and the experiences you have every day. I just wish it wasn't.

I knew it was dangerous to look through those boxes. What was I thinking.

Got drunk dialed at 3am by a bunch of lunatics talking about catsup.

Dammit, it's getting harder and harder to be away.

Thanks for calling me...love you kids so much.
So...who won the contest?

So, I'm in musical theatre withdrawal, a feeling I'm sure most of you have been through one time or another... There is just something oddly addicting about overapplying your make-up and tap dancing around for weeks at a time. I should start a group.

So, aside from a new car and a better mood, little has been going on. I feel like I may be finally coming out of my winter funk, which happens every blessed year, yet still feels like a new experience each time i go through it. Maybe it's the car...seriously. There is nothing like buying something really nice for yourself to totally put a smile on your face.

I went to this debate showcase last night that Becca was in charge of (Jeremy's sister, not my sexy little dominican friend). It was actually very impressive. I have never seen anything like that before. It was powerful performance, and I felt like I was getting a little glimpse at the future politicians/lawyers of America. It made me want to teach high school drama. There are some very talented kids out there that get stuck with Ms. Krafts and never truly learn how to utilize their talents. Fun little career idea. Add that to the list.

Tonight I am going to see Ween in Bloomington. If it is anywhere as amazing as their show in San Fran, tonight is going to rule.

This weekend, my parents are coming into town to visit...and to meet Jeremy's family. gulp. As long as Jeremy is the good boyfriend that he ususally is, he will keep me as drunk as possible throughout that whole experience.

Off to go make a blooper tape of some corporate executive that likes to laugh at himself saying the word shit. Damn my job is cool.