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mood |
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 tired |
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music |
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buckingham nicks- without you |
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I always end up wanting the things that are too good to ever come true. This is one of those things...
No, I can't help the way I feel. And no matter how much I try to fight and resist it, the feeling just grows stronger everyday. It kinda hurts cuz I know the feeling probably won't ever grow into anything more, but (cliche alert!) I guess that's why they call it a crush...bleh
How do I always end up liking the guys I have absolutely no chance with? I mean, a challenge is good every once in a while, but this is getting ridiculous. My heart is playing games with my brain, and more often than not the ol' brain suffers a devastating loss.
I think it's time for me to start being more open and matter-of-fact. Bitches.
And I also think I cut my fingernails too short.
I have to wake up for work in 6 hours and I'm not even asleep yet.
(if this whole thing didn't make sense, it's not my fault).
To wrap everything up in a neat little package:
I'm so, so sick of being alone, and I want the perfect guy to come and sweep me off my feet. I want him to steal me away and never let me look back and all that junk. Weak people do not fare well on their own, and I'm tired of trying to convince myself I'm strong when I know it's far from the truth.
I'm also so, so sick of trying to convince myself that the wrong guy is "Mr. Right."
Lastly, I have no patience. I told myself a while ago that I would stop trying to make things happen, and just let fate take its course. But fate is fuckin slow, and I'm really starting to get antsy.
This may sound conceited, but it's not...it's just coming from someone who is completely insecure that needs a little reassuring every once in a while. I need someone to tell me that I'm beautiful, and that I'm smart, and that I'm creative, and that I'm talented...and to really mean it. Not just to be saying it for the sake of saying, it truly, honestly mean it.
I hate liars.
What I do not need is someone who will put off making decisions, someone who just wants to "hook up" and won't come around again until they want to hook up again, someone who takes me for granted, or someone who doesn't appreciate me for who I am and the things that I do and the dreams that I hope someday will become reality.
I'm wacky, I realize that. I have an undying love for Al Gore, for God's sake. I need someone who will love me even more because of my wackiness. Maybe even someone who I can love for his own wackiness.
I need someone who likes to be cuddly and cute, and romanitc, and someone who likes to be dumb sometimes just because it's fun. But also someone I can have a serious, intense conversation with every once in a while just to make sure my brain is still working.
I'm the sissy version of a guy. Guys think with their dicks instead of their brains.
I think with my heart instead of my brain.
blahhhhhhh
I'm too tired.
"You know I've always been a dreamer
Spent my life runnin around
And it's so hard to change
Can't seem to settle down..."
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weird
stressed
bored