[	mood	|	mellow	]
[	music	|	saves the day *the last lie i told*	]

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: when i come around *greenday*

Waking up: just a girl *no doubt*

First date: firestarter *prodigy*

First kiss: hold *dashboard*

Falling in love: with you *jessica simpson*

Seeing an old love: konstantine *something corporate*

Heartbreak: rock tonic juice *saves the day*

Driving fast: yeah *usher*

Getting ready to go out: dirt of your shoulder *jay-z*

Partying with friends: Get low *lil jon and the eastside boys*

Dancing at a club: salt shacker *yin yang twinz*

Flirting: should have left my pants on this time *limp bizkit*

Feeling sexy: like a virgin *Modonna*

Walking alone in the rain: so yesertday *hillary duff*

Missing someone: sell my old clothe i'm off to heaven *saves the day*

Playing in the ocean: ocean avenue *yellowcard*

Summer vacation: the whole entire *atrias * cd

Fighting with someone: the cut without the e *taking back sunday*

Acting goofy with friends: tainted love *the cure*

Thinking back: thinking of you *a perfect circle*

Feeling depressed: push it *tool*

Christmas time: jingle balls *icp*

Falling asleep: sleep to dream her *smashing pumpkins*

Closing song: Here to the memories *bouncing souls*


Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

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omg i am on crutches and i am wearing a knee mobilizer....

and this all happend at 130 yeterday when i was in the pit for yellowcard... and told my cosuin before hand that oh the yellowcard fans are a bunch of assholes.... well go fucking figure i got throw down on top of someone and then 9 people landed on me... so now i have orn ligaments, and its spraind... so yay now i am on crutches....

so anyways i did meet the boucning souls and got their autographs so cute i love them.. i was telling them about the boucning trolls story and they were like aww and wrote on my poster for kim and drew me the bleeding heart, and they put x's and o's on my poster...

god this sucks because i can't do anything

i am such a loser...

[	mood	|	happy	]
[	music	|	the fan going	]

lush lush lush
talking to ryan makes me lush
i wanna like go to kentucky and like makeout with him

me, brandon, and anthony are going to warped tour
free tickets thanks to matt who is cathering the concert


peace love and chickens feet

[	mood	|	grateful	]
[	music	|	incubus * the new cd*	]

baseball tonight
thanks to it being sams (jessica dad's birthday)
butch davis (the browns couch) giving sam 6 tickets
we were in the club seats 6 rows away from first base
omar somthing last name hit a fly ball and my dad cought it with one hand
my dad rocks
everyone kept saying it was a sign from jessica that she was watching the 6 of us dummys

amazing jessica is all around me i love it
everytime something shitty happens i seem like something and it reminds me of her and i smile and think about how simple her and i were togther

i made a friend his name is anthony and we talk all the time he is a sophmore in high school but he is my buddy

i relieze that i would make cute babys with 2 boys that i know but both live near fucking cincy... hell i think i need to move to cincy

flonas is awesome and i am excited i take it

[	mood	|	confused	]
[	music	|	operation ivy * knowledge*	]

i met a boy at my uncles party he was super cool and nice
a little older 23.. but he was cute

so he kept trying to get to know me so confused
btw he lives in kentucky near cincy.

i was wearing my i love new york shirt and he was teasing me cause i am going to new york in Aug. and he like how do you know if you love it if you've never been there and i was like i just know i will...

oo and he was making fun of my converse... but he said i looked cute...

so when i go to new york i am going to buy him an i love new york shirt and send it to him in the mail

so we were sitting on this swing and he puts his arm around me (as were watching my cousins set off firworks)
and he is like

Ryan: so how come you don't have a boyfriend you seem really awesome
Me: because i am too emotional for one right now and my life changes every week
Ryan:If i live in cleveland i'd take you out on dates
Me: umm okay
Ryan: your so hard to read
Me: i am an open book
Ryan: just tell me what you want
Me: (walks away and crys)

then he was like come here in the house with me and i was like confused so i didn't (now i wish i would have)

then today my uncle called me over and he is like come over and i did but like around 5 and he had left by then and everyone was like ryan was looking forward to seeing you before he left and i just smiled at everyone...

then i was sitting in the kitchen with my aunt connie and she was like isn't ryan great and i was like yeah he's cool
she was like your going to miss him harassing you and i was like yeah....

so i dunno... i can't deal with a boyfriend right now... because so much is going on in my life
1) moving in with keith
2) working full time now
3) going to cleveland state in the fall (only taking 2 class)

so there no time for a boy right now in my life... because i have work and school

beside he lives in kentucky... and i don't even know if he has a girlfriend which i am assuming he doesn't because he wouldn't have been the way he was with me

so i am moving out of my aunts house... i am moving to cleveland with my cousin keith and jacob... cause keith needs help with rent so his parents asked me if i wanted to move in with him... this should be fun.. i haven't seen keith in like over a year... were not that close but when i was younger we use to be close... when i would sleep over his house he use to stick his dirty socks in my face and put mustard in my hair.. so i mean we were close when we were younger... so hopefully everything will be okay...
he called me last night to talk to me and ask me and he seemed like he was excited but its keith so yeah....
the cool thing about it is i will get to babysit jacob cause he is the cutest little kid ever

going to my uncles tonight he bought me some rolling rock yay i love that beer and omg i am so drinking with my uncle

last year jessica and i went to easton on fourth and bought fireworks and went to zanesville to watch them were we saw eric and nate... fun times... i miss jessica

so tommorrrow i am going to the amish country with sam and debbie (jessica parents) were meeting my mom and dad half way and picking up max

i spilled a bottle of ckone and omg i wanna die its seems so strong up here....

making chessy potatoes right now.... and they are done
peace out

[	mood	|	angry	]
[	music	|	aim talking to chap	]

okay here it goes i am annoyed with the fact that everyone thinks it okay that i lost my best friend and if most of the fucking people haven't notcied i have know jessica my whole entire life (and i am tired of people saying get over it) and your being to drama about it (when you've knew her for her whole 18 years then maybe you can say that to my face.. but as of now i don't fucking care who you are or what you have to say)... umm yeah our familys went on vactions together and my mom and her mom are best friends and ours dads are very close... i am fucking tired of people saying that i hardly knew her... who the fuck do you think you are????
noone fucking knows what it is like because as my mom and i have said jessica was like my sister and a daughter to her... so yeah how many fucking people can say they really knew her like my family did? or thought her like my family does???
i mean how many people can tell the story of me cutting her hair when we were like 4 ... or the time her and i were in the bathtub together and we flooded the room when we were in florida? and how many people have the picture of her and i hugging when we were little.. or the countless trips to sea world... or the time her and i got lost in zanesville... i mean there was the point where my family moved 2 hours away and everything was weird when we saw each other cause we were growing but growing in way thats noone can explain...
just this past year when i moved to kent her and i were so excited because we planned on spending more time together because we were going to be closer in driving wise... and then i got this job with her mom and everything was going to be perfect.. we had made plans for our summer and meeting new people... and now look i am here in cleveland and i fucking hate it... i've always wanted to move back here find a peice of mind and the only reason i ever wanted to move back here was to be close to my best friend and i have noone i live in my aunts upstairs apartment with my kitty ... my life is filled with thought of everything like i am a 40 year lady already waiting for fucking death to take me over....

so fuck it i am done....

i fucking it hate this place and i hate this cancer that is eating me away
-i talked her the day before she died and she cryed to me on the phone... really do any of you fucker who are saying shit to have that with you- no i didn't think so

[	mood	|	restless	]
[	music	|	flogging molly *cruel mistress*	]

Stolen from Molly



You're Gangsta Bitch Barbie. You're tough and you
like it rough, and of course you like to pop a
cap in any wiggers ass.


If You Were A Barbie, Which Messed Up Version Would You Be?
brought to you by Quizilla


Hahaha fucking right

[	mood	|	gloomy	]
[	music	|	brand new *I am heaven sent don't you dare forget*	]

i went to the doctors again i go every month now
this time i gave 5 tubs of blood and i started taking anti-depressions and sleeping pills to help me sleep

i went to jess grave today and cryed the whole way there and the whole way back

when i was at her grave i heard beatles music and i looked around and the guy across the street was playing it i started to cry even harder

my cousins is over here cause duh this is her mom's house and she makes me feel very uneasy because she is really mean and critical... so i try to stay on her good side
my mom called and she was like why don't you get a second line and i wanted to start crying cause i am so emotional right now...

i found an apartment in lakewood i am going to be moving in aug. hopefully

i am going to go lay down because i don't want to feel like i am a burden to my aunt and her daughter

[	mood	|	grateful	]
[	music	|	the dryer going because i am doing laundry	]

here it goes not going back to kent next year
going to cleveland state fulltime moving into an apartment with amanda in august
got offard a job for parttime at the bank making 1030 an hour so yeah
going to studying something fucked up crazy no more art
i know how to knit now
put in application in at starbucks on pleasent vally road for the weekend when i am not working at the bank
i stalk a boy that works at marco's pizza
allen in the fun boy at my work who doesn't tie his shoes and is 21

going to fucking zanesville tomorrow
with jessica mom and dad because it is prom this weekend :(
i vistit her grave every other day and ball my eyes out
i sit in the wet grass and get my cloth all muddy
i tell jessica about my day because i know she is listening somewhere

oh no another black kid likes me... haha we all know what happen the last time

i'm inlove with my hair

[	mood	|	discontent	]
[	music	|	acid bath *smoke the bones of babydolls*	]

updating super fast going to work at 10 should be home around 5 oh joy
i work with debbie its cool seeing jessica mom everyday although i don't know what to say to her and i am super scared to even ask her about jessica or anything

cleveland is okay i have no friends yet :*( i feel like a loser...

i am going to cedar point with tommy and brandon :) yay and the tickets are only going to be 10 so rock the fuck on

i think i am going to venture over to westpark this sat and vistit olivia brians girlfriend..

ooo this kid pissed on my sandal... so that the coolest thing that has happen to me in like forever

oh getting my nose repeirced yay

i need a boy to make out with to help this summer go faster...

i fucking miss jessica :*(

[	mood	|	restless	]
[	music	|	D12 *40 oz remix*	]

I can't stop crying
like i broke down again today
first of all i hate finals and they stress me out and i don't get any sleep

then i get this fucking horrible news about my health
and that just put me to the point of overdrive...

but i did go to my study group for art history today and this cute boy john told me i was pretty... then when we were on break my friend was like yeah he liked you all semester but was afraid to say something.. wtf i give up.. beside he's not my type to preppy for me... i like dirty boys... but he did walk me home... i should have invited him up and made out with him.. oh well maybe tommorrow after the exam i'll invite him up... haha yea right

my mom is coming up tommorrow i am leaving tommorrow
fucking A

[	mood	|	geeky	]
[	music	|	G-unit *stunt 101* Being dumb and rockin	]

studying for finals... taking a break from some math
went home this weekend.. it was fun
when i got home josh pyle and dallas white where at my house and helped me bring in my stuff from school (thanks guys)
then i went to eric's for pool night... we played this crazy ass game that i suck at... cause i need practice...

then i got called fat the whole weekend by eric...

yesterday i layed out and studied some art history and some math
went to the olive garden and eric came with us... then we went to watch people come in for prom

jessica wilson looked so hot :)

umm i wanted a rice bowl and i dropped it all over the floor so i haven't ate today...

i can't wait till finals are over :)
i come home on thur. night
i move into cleveland on sunday... crazy crazy

[	mood	|	depressed	]
[	music	|	catch 22 *point the blame*	]

after reading mollys journal i cryed

then i got inot this huge ass fight with the boy and i reliezed that he is just pure evil... and this sounds so self-centered but why couldn't god take someone mean and horrible like him instead of my jessica

i mean the boy just kept sitting their saying shit like it was nice knowing you... we can't be friends because you wont have sex with me.... wtf serisouly people don't have to be fucking sluts

i know if i told jessica about what was going on she would tell me to move on and that guys are assholes

her and i always had problems with boys lol everytime we would go to a party her and i would notice all the boys liked the browned haired girls...

its hitting me so hard tonight i can't sleep i have a 745...... i am balling my eyes out... theirs this picture of her and i laying in my bed on my computer that i look at and i almost wish she was here right now laying in my bed laughing at me for doing something dumb... or eating chese with me.... or watching mallrats...

everyone kept telling me that when it finally set it it was going to hit me like a ton of bricks and i think this asshole kid made me relize that i have noone to confine in and it hurts....
i have noone... i feel so alone....
i wish a boy would like me already

[	mood	|	curious	]
[	music	|	the distillers *the gallon is god*	]

i got my hait cut, and my ears peirced and these super cute glass's :)

i think my mom is coming to cleveland this weekend to hang out with debbie which is cool

so the boys in wright hall on the 9th floor got arrested for drugs... guess what thats the floor the boy lives on and yeah i know the boys who got arrested... but he didn't get arrested but he messaged me today and was like... hey if i ever got arrested i would call you to bail me out, because i think the world of you.... what the fuck i would not bail you out... beside i saw him today and he was with his new girl... umm okay... boys are so dumb i need to find a new one thats not ghetto and doesn't call me baby girl....

yay for finals i can't wait for this semster to be over...

when is berea's prom?

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	music ...	]

i'm soo sick
i am crying
throwing up and everything
i don't think i am going to go to cleveland till tommorrow i have to call molly and tell her i can't come over i feel so horrible because i really wanted to go over and meet everyone again
god i wish i would feel better

[	mood	|	exhausted	]
[	music	|	my roomie took MY t.v remote... umm that's annoying	]

so i have this friend who drive me crazy like i pay for everything.... she is always using me for rides and to buy her food... it starting to annoy me and think that i am the only one who actually cares... and now she trys to act like me...
like i was talking to this kid about anti-flag and she was acting like she knew them... when she has only heard like one song... i wanted to smack her... cause she was being all flirty and she has a boyfriend... so of course i liked him and he didn't like me but liked her.... go fucking figure

if i were flirty and threw myself on every guy i'd have a guy by now....
but i'm so calm and quiet i don't give a fuck.. and i think if i was flirty like her i'd feel dumb
ewww she drives me crazy.....
like whenever were talking to people she never lets me talk and as soon as i say i think someone is cute she agree's and like is all over them....

[	mood	|	disappointed	]
[	music	|	Jessica Simpson *with you*	]

Going to the something corporate concert tonight
Jessi and i first saw soco together at warped tour.. and we like fell in love with them :) so this is going to bring back some memories tonight... i can just see me ending up with tears... i hope they play straw dogs...

so this weekend i am going to cleveland
Monday i have a doctors appointment... going to get everything checked cause my mom is worried about me

well i have a class now...

hope everyone is having a good week

[	mood	|	sad	]
[	music	|	something corporate *as you sleep*	]

god i miss her sooo much :(