Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Enchanted Illusion's LiveJournal:

[ << Previous 20 ]

Friday, January 24th, 2003
11:21 am	whew I'm going to be abondoning this journal for awhile since I finally got a deadjournal account. http://www.deadjournal.com/users/palesecrecy/ If you're interested check out that journal. See ya everybody. Current Mood: accomplished Current Music: Seraphim Shock- Some Sick Dream (Share Your Illusions)
Sunday, January 19th, 2003
2:42 pm	I wonder why do people say that they are going to commit suicide just for fucking pity? I know that it's because they want to feel like someone cares but I think it's damn selfish of a person to do that. People who actually do care get worried to death thinking that the moment they turn their backs that person is going to slit their wrists. I'm sick of people doing that to me. I don't know why I care so much. If a person says that they are going to kill themselves it's not true and they are not going to do it. Okay, enough of that. Yesterday me and my friend went out. We went to the village after so long. We went to Star magic and I went crazy buying things. I got more cards and books. I also bought two nice medieval looking shirts. Finally I went to the village without coming home sad or feeling more empty. My friend bought all three Lord of the rings books. Lol I think she's become obsessed. Rave is still mad at my friend for nothing but that doesn't matter because we had fun. Current Mood: blank Current Music: Crematory- I Never Die (3 Dreamers | Share Your Illusions)
Friday, January 17th, 2003
11:36 pm	Beautiful What in a cemetery are you? by FictionalVixen. Current Mood: amused Current Music: The Sins Of Thy Beloved- The Mournful Euphony (2 Dreamers | Share Your Illusions)
10:27 pm	Hopeless Today was very crazy in school. I heard that people got involved in gang fights and some people got hurt badly. I hate it when this happens here. Then I have to go out worried. I don't care because I'm still going to go out tomorrow. I'm sick of being home thinking too damn much. Yesterday I spoke to Rave. He had heard some things about my friend that I thought was incorrect but it wasn't up to me to say anything. I hope that they both get to talk by themselves and fix things. I don't like it when two people I know are fighting. I did think that it was strange that he had said that to me. I wonder where he got that from. hmmm? *sarcastic* Anyway, lately i've been trying to avoid Matt. I don't sense any good from him. No matter how puny he looks I just don't get good vibes from him. I also hate the fact that he's waiting for me everyday after school. Its becoming annoying so I'm going to have to talk to him. Today I had a lot of finals. Some of them I didn't expect to get today so I didn't get to study but I don't feel like I did bad either way. (I hope) Tuesday and Wednesday are the last days. *Sigh* i'm going to have to buy me a violin or a a viola soon because that's what use to calm me and now I don't have it anymore. Soon, I hope. We'll see what happens tomorrow, but I'm worried about all the violence going on around here lately. Current Mood: cynical Current Music: Guns N' Roses- November Rain (Share Your Illusions)
Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
3:27 pm	Confusion Strange how I was just about to write an entry about how well I felt and how nothing could make me worry and then... I saw the journal of one of the people that I know. She's suicidal. I know it's hard for her. Her cousin is going out with the guy she is in love, infatuated with. I don't know what to tell the girl though. I've tried giving her advice but its futile. She doesn't listen. I feel so selfish though. I'm content right now and I don't want to be sad. But I feel wrong not doing anything either. *Sigh* I know she's not going to kill herself. Matt came to me the other day about his problems. Well, at least listening to music calms me down. Current Mood: discontent Current Music: Paradise Lost- Gothic (Share Your Illusions)
Tuesday, January 14th, 2003
8:13 pm	Mellow Today I was talking about the future with some people I know. Usually I don't like to talk about it but their ideas for when they leave high school were interesting. Well, too good to be true. I'm not going to hope for too much. I don't know what i'm going to do when I leave high school. I wanted to get a job and leave college for later but I don't know how hard it's going to be to get in afterward. I don't want to think about it so much. I still have a year in high school. Whatever I do I know i'm going to be doing it because I like it or want to do it so I'm not worried. Yesterday Matt waited for me again yesterday. I don't like it when people do that too much. He was talking to me about his problems. Sadly, I haven't known him for long to care much. I'm calm now I don't want to worry about anything. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Iron Maiden- Hallowed Be Thy Name (Share Your Illusions)
Sunday, January 12th, 2003
1:03 pm	quiz time You're the Female Cenobite known as Terri.You too like pinnhead came to earth to bring down souls to torture, and also like pinhead you're a pretty rocking dresser! You also have a nasty smoking habit! What Horror Movie Villian am I? Which Anne Rice Vampire Are You? brought to you by Quizilla The imp, the angel-faced demon. Andrei, Amadeo...Armand. Congrats Beautiful Armand.... What's your Inner Anime Protagonist? brought to you by Quizilla You are "D", the Hunter. You are half vampire and half human, a descendant of Dracula himself. You are tortured by your inability to live in one world alone; to some you are a saving grace...to others you are a symbol of their hate and rejection. Doesn't matter. You're twice the man they are. Current Mood: amused Current Music: Vnv Nation- Dark Angel (Share Your Illusions)
1:02 pm	This Bear Is The Devil! What muppet baby are you? brought to you by Quizilla Evil bear.... (2 Dreamers | Share Your Illusions)
Saturday, January 11th, 2003
9:36 pm	Finally Saw Lord Of The Rings! Today was fun. Me and My friend finally went to see lord of the rings. We ran into my mom and brother and then we played in the arcades till the movie started. The beginning was boring to me but I think that was because I didn't know what was going on since I didn't see the first movie. I'm not going to ruin it but the middle of the movie was the best part. There was a guy that I thought looked really hot.... Here he is Who is your Ideal Lord of the Rings (male) Mate? brought to you by Quizilla If only a guy like that was real...*snaps out of it* Anyway, me and my friend made fun of Sam for being so well.... attached to Frodo. lol Well, we went stright home after that but while waiting for the bus I did meet an interesting individual. I hope I get to go out soon again but it's going to hard with finals nearing... Current Mood: happy Current Music: Mortal Kombat Theme Song (4 Dreamers | Share Your Illusions)
Friday, January 10th, 2003
10:01 pm	Open Your Eyes While You Still Can I was just talking to my friend and we worked some things out that was bothering us before. I'm so mad because now I know why "Melissa" didn't trust me. Of course, the guy that she really liked made it seem like I was talking to him constantly but failed to mention that most of the time he told me to call or I just called him to know if he's heard from her. She probably thought the worse but she shouldn't be paranoid with me of all people because I wouldn't see him any other way and I wouldn't flirt with a guy that I know someone else likes. What I do thank him for is that when he did talk to me he would listen to my crying about my fear of being alone. But other then that it's silly to fight over him or any guy. I got away from "Destiny", his ex, for that reason and other reasons as well. I am sick of hearing about him! "Melissa" I'm sick of calling you by the nickname that you actually seem to like, "Bubblehead". You're not as dumb as you come across as and I know that you know better. I know that it will take time for you to get over him because you guys got so close but I know that you will be able to do it because you are a strong person and I know you will be able to do it. He's not the one for you. Sorry I can't really be there to help you. I'm always afraid that you might run to him about anything I say. You know what else! Fuck putting this journal friends only! If someone has something stupid to say to me in my journal, guess what, Fuck you! I doubt anyone gives a shit anyway! As for "Elizabeth" i'm sorry I haven't helped you out in your time in need but please understand that it's hard to give you advise about something that i'm going through as well. After this whole mess is solved i'll try to give you advise but right now my head is not clear and I wouldn't be helping you if I give you advise that I didn't feel meant something. Always remember that no matter how much advise I give you, nothing is going to work if you don't believe in me or yourself. I'm not asking you to do it right away, that takes time. I know i've said this before but I'm going to try to not be so aggressive so much. I do it to the people that are i'm closest to because of past experiences that i've gone through and I was paranoid that it might happen again but that's no excuse to take it out on people who actually do care. Fuck the stupid fear that I might end up alone. I will never be alone. Tomorrow me and "Elizabeth" were suppose to go to the movies with these two guys but they didn't call. Oh well, they're the ones missing out. We'll go alone and have as much fun, maybe even more without those guys. Okay, tomorrow is another day and a new beginning. Current Mood: awake Current Music: Arch Enemy- Burning Angel (1 Dreamer | Share Your Illusions)
Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
9:08 pm	Going Crazy... I just spoke to "Elizabeth" on the phone and again the subject jumped to "HIM"! I am so sick and tired of hearing about him already. She really hates him though. I don't know what's going to happen in the future. I really don't like the way he's treating "Bubblehead" though. It's fucked up but that's it, it's not my business. What's going on with them does not involve me. I don't care if I don't see him again and i'm not going to ponder on it like a manic. I try to give "bubblehead" advise but it's futile. She'll learn on her own. Okay enough of that, even me writing it is getting on my nerves. Me and "Elizabeth" decided to go to the movies on Saturday and go crazy. Finally! I have to keep my mind off things and I haven't had fun for awhile. Well let me not jinx it.... Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: Cinema Strange- Aboriginal Anemia (Share Your Illusions)
5:08 pm	Whispers..... Today was okay. We had to review for finals in most of my classes. My chemistry teacher actually said that she'll pass me if I pass the final. I never showed up for the first two terms. I'll have to study hard to catch up. After school Matt and this other kid waited for me. We talked for awhile. They were funny. I never really gave them a chance to hang out but they're not so bad. I'm still thinking about what to do over the weekend. I don't think Elizabeth will want to hang out. Maybe she'll go to "bubblehead's" house since she has problems. I would try to help but she has yet to come up to me and talk to me about it so i'll leave her alone. I know that she trusts "Elizabeth" more since they've known eachother for longer. It's not that big of a deal to me because sometimes I feel the same and I can't tell her a lot of my private stuff. I have been sort of annoyed though. I don't have many people I trust with my problems and I can't talk to "Elizabeth" with her around. It takes a long time for a person to gain my trust and she hasn't done that yet. I might hang out with Matt on Saturday with his friends. His friend told me that he once went to this underground place. I might go but I don't know about going into any pit, depends. I've been feeling rather lonely so it wouldn't be so bad hanging out with other people for a change. Current Mood: contemplative Current Music: Opeth- Demon Of The Fall (Share Your Illusions)
Tuesday, January 7th, 2003
10:19 pm	Tristania Beyond The Veil Not fear, nor tears can reach me now the light seems so clear as the night fades away Behold of thy flame, below of all shame Come conquer me sweet dreams of paradise Dusk drawn hither to my evening star A glance in thy mirror The trance of thy mirror Venus... through the looking glass Dance so frail and lost in the fields afar Cast off thy mourning Clasp life and glory Venus... through the looking glass The sense of angels in veils of dawn Like she runs forever among thy halls The pale horizons are closing down The reasons for living are lost somehow Cross my heart with a glance upon the star of riddance Drift afar like teardrops on the Stygian River I'm the nightfall and wizard that summon thee You're the blizzard that drape my eyes I'm thy sorrow and vein of obscurity You're the dagger that cuts Shivers on the bleak horizon Profound words... you're my frailty See the light cease in thy life Profound words... hurting me Current Mood: cold Current Music: Tristania- Beyond The Veil (Share Your Illusions)
Sunday, January 5th, 2003
10:47 pm	....... I'm getting use to juno. I hope I can find something better though, but this will do for the time being. Nothing interesting has happen to me. I wanted to go to the movies today but I couldn't because my friend got her period. That sucks but I don't blame her. She's still a bit out of it but we're still talking. She just has a lot on her mind. I think too much also. I wish I didn't though. Well, Lately I've been ratter calm. I've been thinking of things I want to do with people or by myself. When the time is right i'll try to do those things. Okay... I'm off. bye Current Mood: calm Current Music: The Crow Original Soundtrack- Return To The Grave (Share Your Illusions)
Saturday, January 4th, 2003
9:38 pm	Urgh Great... I couldn't find any internet service that didn't ask for a damn credit card! I had to get this free because when I tried to pay they said credit card. I'll use this till I could find something else. Other then that i'm okay. I was planning on going out tomorrow but my friend doesn't feel up to it. It's boring to go out on my own so I guess i'm staying here. Current Mood: aggravated Current Music: My Dying Bride- Black God (Share Your Illusions)
Friday, January 3rd, 2003
11:03 pm	Why I Do I Even Bother? My last day with AOL is today. I'm going to try to get another cheaper service but I don't know if i'll be able to do. Everything seems so fucked up lately... Sometimes I don't even recognize my friend. The only one I felt closest too. I don't understand... She's change so much. Sometimes I wish that I would have never mention "that" to her. I wish we were back in the beginning. She wasn't so confused as to what she is or care so much about what she sees or dreams about. I just miss the old times... My mom went to the doctor today. She came well with her liver but she got high cholesterol. Sometimes I feel that there's more but she lies and puts a happy mask to hide the truth from me and my brother. I could tell easily because...I do that too. I pushed "Destiny" away because it wasn't going to lead to any good but now I don't have anyone...... Well, i'll try to write in my journal while in school or maybe i'll wait for a new internet service.... bye Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Tristania- Deadlocked (Share Your Illusions)
Thursday, January 2nd, 2003
7:23 pm	It's that time again.... I have to call AOL today because I still have free internet and my free month is done. Sadly neither me or my mother have enough money to pay for it every month, at least for now. Who knows maybe AOL would be nice to me again and let me have another month free but who knows. Well if you don't see me again then that means that AOL was mean to me. So I have a yahoo account and i'll check it in my friend's house. It's evilkitten5@yahoo.com if you really cared. I'm keeping this entry public for now. Well on to other things. My mom won some money in the lotto. Yay! She finally bought me a good monitor and a printer. Whoo. She didn't win that much money but it's good enough. I'm happy. Well, i'm off. BYE Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Edge Of Sanity- Crimson (Share Your Illusions)
Wednesday, January 1st, 2003
11:26 pm	I Have To Get Use To This... I'm not use to livejournal at all. Everytime I look at a person that I feel is interesting I see their friends list and it's usually 30 or more people. Why would someone care about what I have to say with 30 friends? Oh well, doesn't really matter anyway. Well, i'm off to sleep now since I have to get up early tomorrow. Current Mood: lonely Current Music: Tristania- My Lost Lenore (2 Dreamers | Share Your Illusions)
4:29 pm	quiz I made with my friend Took this quiz... One of the many sides of my personality. At the moment I am more like this one.... What Tragic Entity Are You? brought to you by Quizilla You're a Vampire You can't trust many people and tend to keep to yourself most of the time. You might come across as a cold and distant person, but you have your reasons. Still, it isn't so bad keeping a few good friends around. I have so many sides to me. I could be a very complicated person. If you look at that quiz and all the results and put it together you'll learn a lot about me but of course not all but it still says a lot about what kind of person I am. Well, yesterday was okay. I drank a bit, not much. I don't like to drink too much because I get well... excited if you know what I mean. He he. Tomorrow there's school. It doesn't matter because I feel that this year will be way better then the last one. Current Mood: devious Current Music: Stratovarius- Destiny (Share Your Illusions)
Tuesday, December 31st, 2002
5:03 pm	New Years Eve Reflections Looking back this whole year... My life changed so dramatically. Silly dreams and hopes died. I finally faced reality. I haven't given up hope but at the same time i'm not hoping for too much. I have met really interesting people this past year. People that I would not have thought existed. I also met a lot of fake people as well. I have learn a bit of my self during these months but I still have a long way to go. I learn a lot more about my friend. Still have a long way to go with that too. I am looking forward for the New Year. I don't feel like this is going to be a bad year. Of course there's going to be some bad times but I don't anything will happen that I won't be able to handle it. Okay as for everyone. Happy New Year. Current Mood: calm Current Music: Morbid Angel- God Of Emptiness (Share Your Illusions)