Thursday, June 24th, 2004
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3:40 am
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this might be it
there feels like there's no end
nothing will change
he has things to deal with
it's affecting both of us
i can't change them
it's bringing me down
do i have to stay
and sink with the ship
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Saturday, June 19th, 2004
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6:49 pm - the air
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ive been walking..and running
in the park and through the woods
and i almost hate but it's almost really great
i can think about everything
the breeze was so nice today
perfect
i like that time to organize thoughts in my head
and daydream
and hopefully my body will actually show some change
at least ill be able to breathe..
after i walk up a flight of stairs
current mood:  mellow
current music: unison-homesick for space
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Thursday, June 17th, 2004
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10:41 pm
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Thursday, June 3rd, 2004
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9:40 pm - Nick
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In the summer of 10th grade I went to Skidmore College and did a 6 week long thing for art students. I took 2 college courses for credit.
I was just looking through old letters and I found a note that this guy Nick wrote to me. I remember him. I liked him and he liked me but for some reason we never got together because of all the drama and how everything became so built up. I just read the letter and it made me feel like shit. Apparently he walked in on me and someone else hooking up.Meanwhile the kid I was kissing is now gay! Anyway in the note he was saying how hurt he felt and how he wanted to talk to me and be with me. I don't want to make anyone feel like that. I wish he would have said something. I'm sure I was so different then I am now..and not as good at dealing with relationships and being able to communicate...but I just feel crappy that the whole 6 weeks he was hurting and was too afraid to talk to me.
Why am I even thinking about this now? It was like 10 years ago...but....I still feel pain...pain for his pain..pain for making him have pain.. I don't want to be the source of that...for Anyone. I wish I could find all the people I went to Skidmore with! And I wish I could be friends with them again...
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Friday, May 28th, 2004
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3:10 pm - Us.
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i don't know what's happening with Andy and I.
We have nothing to talk about.
he said :"I feel like I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere and you've moved on."
And now he's been going to this bar..and he's gonna fucking turn into an alcholic...
There are so many negative aspects about him coming here with the sitution we're both in
me-no job,live with my mom and sister,might get my liscence taken away(again),gonna be going back to school with one class 3 days a week and working on my senior project.
him-job but no money saved,no car,no job when he get's here,no place to live but with me at my moms,no way to find a job or an apartment without me,knows no one but me.
honestly I don't know what to do....I want to be with him but I feel like it's gonna be a major struggle. My mom thinks I should wait. She's basically encouraging me to meet other people (Gavin). Which is random and weird coming from my mom...
I said I would go visit him. What if I get there and it's NOT good? Will he even want to move here still? I feel like...yeah he loves me and that's why he wants to come here but it's also about how he has NOTHING going for him there and it's boring and dead there. So it's not just about me.
Not that it should be....but...does he really want to move to NY or is it because I happen to be here.
Should we do this? Is it just gonna end our relationship? I also think it would be one thing if he lived here and had to move away..and then was coming back..but he was always in Louisiana and I was always in NY ..what makes us think it will EVER work out? And how will we know....if we don't just do it...
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Tuesday, May 25th, 2004
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8:47 pm - bitchtastic
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Sunday, May 23rd, 2004
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4:57 pm - okay
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LOOK OUT!
ïòð | | crestfallenstar is a radioactive squirrel!! |
From Go-Quiz.com
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Wednesday, May 19th, 2004
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4:20 pm - cross the rocks
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I saw an old man walking ahead of me
wobbly and unsteady with a cane
at 1st i thought he was blind
but then i realized..just unstable on his feet
i walked past him
and came to a step of rocks
a large jagged drop
i paused for a second..thought about turning around
and saying "do you need help?"
and then I thought...is that an insult
why should I assume he wants my help
am i saying he's incapable of helping himself?
and then I thought..if he wants help he will ask
he'll say.."excuse me..would you mind helping me over these rocks"
i felt like it was a test...
a test of my character..would I help him or leave him
I got into my car
from my rear view mirror i watched
it felt like forever but it was probably just a few seconds
maybe 30
he stood there...
i couldnt see his head but i thought maybe he was looking around
should i get out of the car?
an older woman got out of the car next to me
didnt even look at him
walked away
i watched
and waited
and then...he went
with his cane over the rocks
he wobbled
but made his way
over
and didn't fall
then on my way home...i kept thinking about the big picture...as if that was a metaphor for life.
there are things we must do alone, obstacles that may be tough...but that...we need to over come. We may think we need help. but we can do them alone. it may take longer...and we could take the easy way out... (he could have went around the rocks and just walked on the path that was a little far away)
but if we do it and succeed the reward well be that much sweeter.
and that's something i do need to realize. I can't rely on anyone because honestly...like proved..today. people care about themselves...not to say we don't care for others or sympathize with others or have concern or hope for otheres..but you have to do things for yourself. you have to worry about yourself..you can't wait for someone to help you cross an obstacle...
and that may be one of the hardest things in my life i have to deal with
current mood: introspective
current music: Dosed-Red Hot Chili Peppers
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Wednesday, May 12th, 2004
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3:20 pm
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Ford xx Prefect: boo!
Powannoyed: hi
Powannoyed: and boy am i
Ford xx Prefect: Whats upppppppppppppppppppppppppp
Ford xx Prefect: boy are you?
Powannoyed: in a state of extreme highness i got home from school sweating my ass off and cleaned my entire room half assed-style and now im doing laundry and wearing a tee shirt and nothing else waiting for the washing machine to be done so ican take a shower and get rid of some of this sweat
Powannoyed: thats gonna be my next journal entry
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Monday, May 3rd, 2004
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2:46 am - friends?
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do any of you have a friend like this? I was talkking to my mom about it and we discovered we both have a friend that acts the same!
They never pick up their phone..they're as hard to get a hold of as a rock star
they don't return calls when you leave millions of messages
they make plans and then are MIA when the time comes to actually do the hanging out
they fall off the face of the earth and then call and say "oh my god we have to hang out i miss you"
but when we do actually hang out it's alot of fun...and no matter how often you say can you just call me if you have to cancle your plans or if you EVER want to hang out....
they don't...
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Friday, April 30th, 2004
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12:30 am - why am i so skatterbrained
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i had tickets to see a perfect circle...i think they mailed them to me..and i think i lost them....what the fuck do i do!?
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Tuesday, April 27th, 2004
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4:10 pm - here's something
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I'm thinking about tyeing you up.
It's keeping me awake at night.
I would have complete control...of you..of this.
it's driving me insane.
not in a bad way
I would keep you so you couldn't change
id have to take your shirt off first of course
and then I'd bite and torture you
until I let you out
and you could have me now
moaning,writhing, and screaming out your name
so loud I'd think somebody heard us
then...stop..hear the pouring rain
and realize that I'm all alone
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Monday, April 26th, 2004
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9:03 pm - the other night
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I was lying in a king sized bed
clean white sheets and
thick
lush
red
velvet curtains were surrounding me
the tv was on..
i wasn't watching...
it was pouring rain
the screen door opened and you walked in
your body glided through the sheer white fabric
you were young,pure,clean, and untouched
on top of me
we kissed
and rolled over so i could look down at you
you whispered
"is anyone else here?"
"no" i said
and with a deep breath gave myself to you in the last passionate kiss
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Sunday, April 25th, 2004
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12:08 am - health ewww!
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I went to the healthfood store today and bought boca chick pattys...but I also bought veggie turkey and soy cheese....i just made a grilled cheese....not good ..eww..and the turkey was over a month expired!
I'm pissed..
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Saturday, April 24th, 2004
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6:42 pm - Ander
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Andy might move here in a month. I'm extremely excited but I'm also nervous about the changes. If we get an apartment I'll be around him all the time...I'll have to deal with all the little annoying things...I won't have a computer..haha I won't be able to talk to people on line like I used do..unless I come back home...I won't have my cat..unless we get a place that allows pets..
And I've never spent more than 2 weeks straight with him and yet we've been dating for almost a year...I hope we'll be okay.
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Friday, April 23rd, 2004
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7:32 pm - she's crafty
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I'm going bracelet crazy! Maybe I'll make enough to go to a cheesy craft fair and sell them...along with my hemp necklaces and maybe even silkscreen tee shirts.....
I'm gonna try and collect unemployment...that would rock.
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Wednesday, April 21st, 2004
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3:04 pm - 2 years at 8.50
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wouldn't you think that if you worked for someone for over 2 years they would give a shit...they would say thank you.....
if their store was closing they would say GOOD BYE to you?!
they would say it's been fun for 2 years..thanx for ..whatever!
thanx for busting your ass for my dying buisness for 2 years
thanx for going out of your way to try and get me some buisness for 2 years
thanx for coming in on days you didn't have to because I only hired 3 people and I can't cover for anyone when someone gets sick for 2 years
thanx for giving up most of your vacations to work for my shitty store for 2 years
thanx for working at this store and only getting one 50 cent raise from me for 2 years
thanx for bringing me buisness by being nice to customers and telling my friends and family to come in and spend money for 2 years
Fuck you! You undeserving, unappreciative, unfriendly, rude, self-centered, horribly buisness-minded, home wrecking,cheap,tactless,fucking bitch!!!!
Ahh.....I feel a little better....especially because I forgot to return the key and I don't plan on it....that's her problem
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Saturday, April 17th, 2004
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9:23 pm - cause I have no friends
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I watched 2 movies...
1st i watched "everything put together". the story was alright but what pissed me off was the color and the shots that made me wanna throw up because they were so bright and quick...i couldn't pay attention because I had to keep looking away...
and then
can we talk about the most stupid fucked up annoying disgusting movie ever...well...no..one of...
"May" I won't ruin it in case anyone wants to actually see this piece of annoying crap...but..
it just wouldn't end!!!!! the only good things about it were the music..and there was a short lesbian scene with that girl from the "scary movie" series.
I need to get some friends...ones that call me back...and fast!
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2:32 pm - yay...fun weekend
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k i hate my neighbor..he's my friend...or so he says...and he never fucking calls me back when he says he will..and what pisses me off even more..is that he's not out hanging out with other people...he's sleeping.
Can you call me back before you fall asleep at 9pm you fuck face?! It's so hard to make plans with someone when you don't even know if you'll be able to find them till after the weekend is over. I'm really fucking annoyed.
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Friday, April 16th, 2004
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2:59 am - culture shock
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holy crap im actually gonna graduate college....next december...i never thought the day would come...HAHA
and this weekend mates of state and of montreal are gonna be at my school....not to mention thurston moore and a ton of other random bands ..and.ghostfaced killah?! randomness...but...that's my school
it's this festival that used to be called "culture shock" and now some how...the student committe got it changed to
VULTURE COCK
art school fuck heads......
current mood:  exhausted
current music: phantom planet new cd
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