Evidently, masturbation is a lost art among the Myanmarese....

Edwards:  “It’s true.  I love bunnies.  I find them to be quite adorable.  What of it?”

***update***

Jimmy Carter responds:  “Bunnies are the Devil’s handmaidens, John.  And they can swim like fish.  Giant, hairy, buck-toothed fish.  Watch yourself."*

1. "It’s pronounced chil-ay, peasants."
2. Boeuf fra diablo
3. What our maids eat
4. "Take it away. Now!"
5. Beans are for poor people
6. Bushcountry caviar
7. "I believe I’ve soiled my panties, John"
8. Montezuma’s gristle-filled revenge
9. That brown stuff in the yellow cup

****
h/t Jeff Wilcox.  Story 1.  Story 2. Much more here. And here.

me: “Mondays, eh?  How depressing.”

apple: “Actually, in apple culture, Mondays are considered holy days.”

me: “Really?  Holy days?  That’s fascinating.  So what, you’re like a Druid or something-- ?”

apple: “-- Relax, I was just messing with you, man.  Mondays pretty much suck for apples, too.  Although existentially speaking, any day we’re not baked into a pie is a good day...”

Though she’ll never mention it to anyone, deep down in her soul, Joannie never really loved Chachi—though his wristbands did get her hotter than a griddle-seared tuna steak, extra rare.

Somewhere, Steve Forbes just sprung a chubby...*

****
h/t Mike

update:  George Gaskell has some more detailed thoughts here.
See also:  QandO, INDC Journal and OTB.

Putney Swope (1969) Directed by Robert Downey, Sr.  Stars Arnold Johnson, Antonio Fargas, Allen Garfield, Stan Gottlieb, Buddy Butler, and Spunky-Funk Johnson.

Five words or less review: And you think I’m crazy...*

*highly recommended.

I only have room in my Terrorist Emergency Kit for one more item—either a flask of Irish whiskey or a huge tube of grape-flavored Joy Jelly.  Any thoughts?

update:  never mind. I split the difference and went with a can of Planter’s salted cashews.  Thanks anyway.

Islamic terrorists target as many as 6 Christian churches in Iraq; Tom Ridge to hold a rare Sunday news conference to announce an Al Qaeda plan to target financial institutions in NY and DC.  Expect the Terrorist threat level to be raised.

...Because Abu Ghraib.  And Spiderman 2.  And Buddy Holly.  And baby back ribs. And free markets.  And John Stossel. And the ACLU.  And decadent double-fudge devil’s food cake.  And Windows XP.  And warmongering neocon lying liars. And the baby Jesus.

update:  Michelle Malkin has more on the Al Qaeda threat.  And Spoons takes issue with Dean Esmay, who notes:

So let’s add all this up: terrorists can be white, black, or brown, and maybe even mixed-race looking like filipinos. They may be carrying passports from any country, and they may in fact be U.S. citizens or permanent residents.

Yet somehow, we’ve gone three years without a terrorist attack on home soil, and when a chick with a South African passport who could pass for a half-dozen racial groups sneaks into the U.S., the Feds nab her.

Can you folks on the Right who are absolutely convinced that we must target Arab-looking males with Arab passports, and that terrorists are casually “traipsing across the border,” explain to me what exactly your reasoning is again? Because it seems to me that not only are our law-enforcement authorities doing a good job, but that profiling people based on sex or perceived nationality is a fool’s game. It further seems to me that our only serious tool is rigorous intelligence networks, spooks on the ground ferretting out the terror networks, and to be looking at everyone who comes through our airports, not just the men with light brown skin and big noses.

Malkin’s response:  “Nonsense [...] Authorities now believe Ahmed [the “chick with a South African passport who could pass for a half-dozen racial groups"] may have entered the country at least 250 times. Esmay muses optimistically that authorities were watching her all along. Yeah? Who watched her as she swam in her jeans through the Rio Grande untold times, and what possible reason would they let her do the backstroke into the U.S., only to be caught by happenstance at the airport, if she had been under surveillance all along? Like John Stossel says: Give me a break.

“[...] Ahmed’s last two names--"Mahomed" and “Ahmed"--are both Muslim names. This is not a case where profiling would have been futile. And while it may be true enough that terrorists come in all colors, it simply does not follow that profiling should be eschewed or outlawed. Allowing homeland security officials to take race, ethnicity, or religion into account is not a mandate to stop every person with those characteristics. Profiling is just one discretionary investigative tool among many. It is far from an infallible aid, but if law enforcement officials were only permitted to use fool-proof techniques, they would be left with no tools to fight terrorism at all [...]”

protein wisdom muses:  John Stossel seems to be showing up quite a bit here.  I question the timing.

update 2: NY Mayor Bloomberg and Police Chief Kelly to hold a news conference at 4 PM EST.  Maybe they’ll explain to us how John Kerry’s Vietnam war record will keep us all safe…

update 3:  Ridge names 3 specific targets:  The World Bank and IMF in Washington, D.C., the Prudential Building in Newark, N.J. and the New York Stock Exchange.

Kerry:  “Am I allowed to tax tax increases?  Because I’ve been running some numbers here, and I think I might be on to something...”

update:  “Well what about fish sandwiches and french fries, then?  Can I at least double tax those?”

Nope, not invited. 

...As if that’s going to stop me…

I could strike you dead right now if I wanted to, but I won’t.  Because I’m a decent guy.  Now go on and live your life.  Go. Hurry up. Before I change my mind.

Deadbeat neighbor: “Where have you been the last few days?”

Me: “Boston. At the convention.”

Deadbeat neighbor: “What, like a comic book convention or something?”

Me: “More or less, yeah.”

Let’s never mention that again. 

“I am the giver of life,
champion to domesticated
rodents thrown suddenly
     from small boats.

“Would Bush blow air into
a black rat’s mouth? Or would
Licorice have died right there in
the water, dreaming of one last piss
     on his woodchips...?"*

Uncanny, isn’t it?

****
h/t Dario

see also: Jeff Jarvis and Steven Taylor (h/t Mark)

Woke up under a pile of windbreakers and ponchos in the backseat of James Taylor’s tour bus at about 3 am EST, one of the Kerry daughters passed out nude in the aisle, Tipper Gore folded over JT’s lap like a fleshy pink topcoat.  The bus was cruising through Connecticut on its way down to the Carolinas, the driver told me, so I begged out, and he was cool enough to drop me at a Denny’s just off highway 84 near Waterbury, where I spent most of the night stuffing my face with pancakes and chatting up the waitress, Bethany S., a UConn junior with an easy smile and small, perky breasts. 

When her shift ended Bethany took me back to her place and let me crash for a few hours, then gave me a lift to the airport this morning, so I hooked her up with a handful of Lorazepam and one of those fiendish Willy Nelson joints I’d begged off Lester the roadie.  The last two quaaludes I saved for myself, to help take the edge off on the plane ride home.  I should be back in Colorado in about 3-4 hours, I figure—and when I get there, I plan to drive my Jeep into the mountains, fire up the remains of Lester’s stellar herb, throw in a John Denver CD, and reflect on the past 4 days.  Talk with y’all sometime after that.

Man, being a reporter is fun...

****
see also:  Bill, TalkLeft, ASV, Malkin, Steve Green, Captain Ed, Instapundit, Ace, Jay Reding, QandO and John Beck

Carol King.  Quaaludes.  Glow sticks.  More Quaaludes.  Scads of dancing liberals in crazy ritual headgear…

This is all really freaky, man…

****
update:  uh, what was it I was going to say...?
update 2:  oh yeah.  I had this really strange flashback…

Smoked a fatty with a clatch of Willy Nelson roadies during an early afternoon sound check, and I’m happy to report that there really are two Americas.  There must be.  Because weed of this quality doesn’t come from any America I know of, that’s for damn sure.

Off to find me some snacking chips.  Or maybe a Mallow Pie.  Developing…

update:  Time for a nap. 

Page 1 of 78  1 2 3 >  Last »