 |
 |
 |
|
|||||||
|
|
|
|
||||
| A Funny Look at the Democrats Running for President: Joseph Lieberman LoverMan: War Not Interns |
|||
It has been a full year now since Al Gore appeared in a bathtub with Joe Lieberman on Saturday night Live and announced that he will not be a candidate for re-election as President of the United States. Being elected president, Gore believes, is almost more fun than actually serving. In the past year, 11 candidates have competed for the golden ring and whatever else they can pawn for the campaign kitty that will oppose Karl Rove’s diamond mine. As the Iowa Caucuses approach, we will take a biased —hopefully humorous — look at the leading potential Bushwhackers to see which candidate can take on a solid display of presidential leadership such as the loss of three million jobs, making US foreign policy the joke of the world, and misunderestimating the survival skills of Osama bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. Today, Senator Joseph Lieberman.
Joe Lieberman is the obvious first choice of Democrats voting in the Republican primary. Like his hero in the White House, Lieberman has not seen a Mid-East war or a tax cut he doesn’t like. Short of sharing a hot tub and a presidential campaign with Al Gore, Lieberman does little to expose himself to risks. “He is Dick Cheney without the pacemaker,” one anonymous Democrat insists. Just three years ago, Lieberman took second place in a debate between himself and Cheney, and proved once and for all that he was a match for the charisma of Al Gore. This year, however, Lieberman has proved that he is no match for the inventor of the Internet. Unlike more Internet savvy candidates, Lieberman’s Internet recognition has actually declined to a point where he no longer “feels lucky” when he Googles himself. George Bush is not Lieberman’s only higher power. He never campaigns on the Sabbath and unlike Democrats and some Christians, Lieberman will never tax the poor once they inherit the earth. He remains a Connecticut Yankee trapped in the Imperial court, appealing to power and majesty while defying the peacemakers and potty mouth entertainers. Lieberman has a rare identity conflict, Strom Thurmond syndrome. He is a Republican in Dixiecrat clothing, throwing bones to the last of the yellow-dog Democrats. Like Dan Quayle, he believes himself to be the heir apparent at the White House, having been on a ticket chosen by the majority of voters in a previous election. Like Quayle, Lieberman believes he has learned enough about the “bondage” between mother and child, “ to tie a virtual rope between himself and the presidency. Like other Republicans trapped in the body of a Democrat, Lieberman
thinks government should remain small, but carry a big checkbook. He believes
that Hollywood should be a breeding ground for politicians, not smut.
He believes that the Attorney General has the right to fire Patriot missiles
at libraries as long as there are Southerners driving pickup trucks with
confederate flag decals. He believes he can bring America more heat with
less energy as Bush Lite, while saving America from the depression of
prosperity, peace and Presidents carrying fake Turkeys to Iraq. Above all, Lieberman is the great pretender. His karma turns only to the right. "Oh yes I'm the great pretender (ooh ooh) |
|||
| Home | Archives | Links | Campaign 2004 | Taking Liberties | About Us Liftingthefog.com is Copyright ©2003 by Barbara Sehr Productions |
|||
Lieberman — the name itself is Clintonesque. "Lieberman"
is German for "lover man," an idea that the White House sorely
misses in these dark days of war and pestilence. Unfortunately, however,
Lieberman is no devout friend of Bill Clinton, Lieberman would never bring
love to the Oval Office, and Joe Lieberman is no Bill Clinton on the economic
front either.