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Dissent: A Dissenting OpinionOperation Infinite Unconstitutionality |
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The shockwaves of distraction had worked well until now. Osama bin Laden had painted a mandate for this administration that was more picture perfect than a court decision. Bush was the World, and the World was the Axis of Evil. Iraq would be the first punk kid to be rolled for its lunch money - a fortune as crude as its source. The drums of war with Iraq had been beating within the Bush administration since Monica Lewinsky brought a certain peace to the previous administration. It all seemed so easy, like taking oil from a Middle Eastern tyrant. Yet, for all the plotting and planning, a layer of resistance became as syrupy as French Toast drowning in the juice of the official syrup of the People's Republic of Vermont. The dogma of Old Europe just wouldn't roll over for Bush's manifest destiny. Old Europe had seen an Axis of Evil, an axis of evil was no friend of Old Europe, and Iraq barely qualified as part of an axis of nuisances. For the Empire of New India, Old Europe could no longer be treated as a sacred cow. French fries, which once held a key role in the previous administration, now were deprived of their fate in boiling oil. Americans terrified at the color of Halloween prepared to recite the observation of P J O'Rourke that "The French are sawed-off sissies who eat snails, and slugs and cheese that smells like people's feet." It was definitely a time to deep-six anything French-related and rely on good-old American entrepreneurship. The American love affair with its automobiles had become threatened. A gallon of gasoline had become as rare as a constitutional right. Surely, American know-how would find a solution. If not, skullduggery could. Skullduggery was far more fun to this administration than dealing with matters of intelligence. The setting deep in a bunker buried beneath Orlando's Disney World seemed appropriate, especially since it was directly below the Hall of Presidents. All the moles crawling out of the Skull & Bones caves craved the idea of seeing their shadows under the Florida sun. First there were the simply assignments - creating butterfly ballots, sticky chads and other election material for Florida. But now, money that once balanced state budgets and paid for lethal injections was re-appropriated to weaken the resistance. From Turkey to Cameroon the incentive plans took on the form of an Enron board meeting. Even newly available Arthur Anderson auditors made themselves available to play interference with the Congressional Budget Office. The advanced equipment that created fine forgeries and fakeries could fool even Secret Service agents. Among the war efforts by the center for Operation Infinite Unconstitutionality were these:
Time was running out. There had to be "our morning after," as one Bush administration official noted. "There's got to be one final step that we can take so the Iraqi people are no longer Saddamized, " Bush the younger cried out in anger. "We could just do it the old-fashioned Republican way, by cutting education funds to make sure that no child is left behind at school learning to read when they could be at home watching cartoons," a Florida lawmaker responded. "If people couldn't read, they wouldn't get so angry." "It's bad enough that I have to deal with Jacque Chirac," Bush answered. "I don't want to have to deal with Laura." The time had come. There would be no way out of it this time. Bush knew that the ultimate weapon would need to be launched. This weapon of mass destruction would launch a zillion inspectors if the United Nations became aware. It was time to complete eliminate all those who weren't "with us." "Do you think it will work? " a skeptical insider wondered. "It worked in the preliminary testing" an assistant to the president answered. "Brilliant! I bet those people who write the history books won't ever misunderestimate me again…." came the word from Washington. Bush made the call to the waiting decision maker. "Hello, Mr. Justice Scalia? This is the White House calling.
It's time to implement Operation Infinite Unconstitutionality. Yes, you
have the briefs on your desk. It's about time Americans were told that
their constitution is unconstitutional!" |
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It
was sunset in John Ashcroft's America. America had been terrorized into
fear and acceptance. Happiness was a warm puppy, a cold stare at airport
security, and an escape into TV "reality." The actual reality of course
was that no one on your block smoked the same reality as network television
executives. Everywhere there was a line of demarcation between those who
could have their SUV's filled up by a servant at the local filling station
and those whose lines of credit at the neighborhood Check Mart was snuffed
out along with their future.