Bounce bust blues - bummer!

After the democrats found that even Jacques Francois Kerrie's dog refused to play with the effete francophone, they tied a T-Bone to his neck. But still the dog preferred sniffing other hounds' behinds.

I think they could say it was a right wing conspiracy, after all, we are doing everything ethically possible to win.

Scott is getting really tricky now. Two different threads on the same topic ~~!!
This is fun.

The polls are all wrong, the John John ticket has show a 30 point bounce with the likes of incarcerated felons and trial lawyers. But then again what is the difference between a trial lawyer and a convicted felon? (Answer the lawyer has the felon's money).

...but help is on the way Jonnie...its name is George W. Bush!! TOP TEN!!

To which DNC Chairman Terry McAllLip sharply retorted "I never said 'bounce', I said 'Face plant'. It's a disagreement over semantics, you know, like the word 'is'"

there's an echo in the room

Top Ten again?

Bounce? More like a THUD.

I'm running out of nails to bite on this one. CO Kitty, lend me some of yours. You gots plenty.

It is a testament to the common sense of 68% of Americans that W is the one with the bump, if not bounce, after the Dim-o-cr*p convention.

4 more years!
4 more years!

hehehehehe. I bet those medals Kerry threw across the fence bounced higher than his post *SNC numbers. teee heee meeeooowwww.

and his numbers go down, down ,down in a ring of failure.

*(socialists nat'l convention)

Posted by: CoLoRaDo KiT cAt, wearing my regulation furcoat and a huge Cheshire grin at August 3, 2004 02:29 PM [From the "ORIGINAL"Kerry Hires Edwards to Sue DNC Over 'Bounce' " thread!]

I'll bet now the Kerry Klan's really stepping up the pace on resurrecting more of the voting dead in Chicago, keeping the military vote out and other such fraudulent vote gaining endeavors.

Billy -
Never ask a cat to lend you its claws. It's like asking a lion to let you put your head in its mouth.

He should also sue the Bush supporters that his crowd beat to a pulp last night in Milwaukee for not leaving when he taunted them. Or...maybe he could sue his wife for not knowing the number of months until the swearing-in ceremony after she began the counter-shant of "three more months" in response to the "four more years". Better...how about suing the President for 9/11, since everything that went wrong that day appears to be his fault if you believe the dems.

Billy R honey,

Listen to the wisdom of Sir Johnny >8Þ.
You might not like where my "nails" land.. hehehe

No need to worry yet, Billy. Your people still have the illegal aliens, the dead, voters registered multiple times (i.e. Michael Moore, and that's not because of his body mass index taking up several zip codes, either)---oh and there's the terrorist cells in the U.S. that may not have been polled yet either.

>I'll bet now the Kerry Klan's really stepping up the pace on resurrecting more of the voting dead in Chicago, keeping the military vote out and other such fraudulent vote gaining endeavors.

I hope someone keeps a watchful eye on Michael Moore on voting day. A while back, on Moorewatch.com, there were photographs of Moore's papers showing he is registered to vote in both Michigan and New York. Wonder if he's planning to do some traveling that day.?

I've learned Jonny Cochran has been hired to represent the bounce in court.

"I was against the bounce before I was for it".

Can I be one of the jury members?

Edwards was probably smart enough not to take the case for his usual extortionate contingent fee. This matter's chances of courtroom success require a substantial retainer, say, in the mid-six-figures, minimum.

The Convention honeymoon is over? Aw-w-w. Too bad. Maybe it was all the faux patriotism and other forms of obvious insincerity paraded there which led the dips to dip. Thus this parody:

♪ ♪ ♪ JOHNNY CUTIES © ♪ ♪ ♪

A song parody collaboration by bahabuddha™ and The Great Santini ©, Los Parodistos Locos

[Tune: "Feelin' Groovy", by Simon & Garfunkel]

[Verse]
Those Johns, they've got no class,
Motives are crass, but they've got brass...were
Crowned, anointed in Boston glitz,
Dems adore their Johnny Cuties!

[Verse]
Johns 1 and 2---saw 'em groovin',
At the Dem Convention were movin',
Metrosexual lads exclaim:
"We love to ogle those Johnnies' booties!"

[Bridge]
They've got bromides to spout, no promises to keep,
Please, pass out the NoDoz™, or we'll fall asleep,
Need the Truth Squad to hammer those made-over creeps,
Deceptively scripted Johnny Cuties!

[Verse]
Kerry the Lamppost, embracin' Brecky,
Showerin' kisses on his necky,
Lead balloons in the Southern States,
Those two lawyer tutti-fruttis!

[Verse]
Stylish zoot-suits, tresses flowin',
Can't conceal the smoke they're blowin',
Standard boo-yeah they keep lowin',
Mooin' and cooin' Johnny Cuties!

[Bridge]
They've got canned screeds to shout, their base to placate,
"Two Americas!" "Bush Lied!"--routine billingsgate,
Meanwhile, Teddy, GoreBore, and Mooreon spew Bush-hate,
Oh, those clever Johnny Cuties!

[Verse]
John 1 hoots, John 2 hollers,
Funded by Hollywood off-the-wallers,
A.T.L.A.'s bucks taste sweet,
Johnnies are feelin' pretty snooty!

[Verse]
Johnnies at their Convention, beamin',
Left-wing Looney-Toons™ all screamin',
Cruisin' toward an election reamin',
'Cuz voters don't like those Cuties' cooties!

[Tag, to fade]
"We wuz robbed! Our Johnny Cuties!"
"Get a re-count--we're filin' suity!"
"Hillie in '08--our solemn duty...."

I sure hope it doesn't go to the Supreme Court.

WICKEDLY funny stuff, Scott!

Wow kitty!! MEEEOUCH!! Where's that box of Elmo band-aids?

If this were held in Florida I could understand their concern. After all, they are still learning how to use paper punches.

Al Gore cracked me up, did you know he too was in Vietnam?

That last post was for CO Kitty. Yeesh!! There's more cats in here than the Colliseum in Rome.

Santini, sweet song parody. But the actual title is "59th Street Bridge Song". No matter, I'll be humming it all day now.

I was trolling the dim boards and I actually read a post that said one of the lib newspapers (sorry forgot which one) must be crossing over to the "other" side because they reported that there wasn't any bounce. "We got 4 points bounce according to the European polls!"...imagine that.

Billy,

A few more snorts of my catnip cigar and you won't need any lions in the colliseum. I'll rip everyone to shreds myself!

SNORT SNORT Waaaaauuuuuughhhhh!

Watch Edwards file a class action suit against every registered voter in the good ole U.S. of A when they loose the election.

Algore:

I waited, and waited, and waited with such great expectation, and then what? You didn't invent the bounce?

UH Did I say what you thought I said or did you hear what I said when I said what you wanted to hear so I can back track say something else that I thought you wanted until it is not so let me dump my awards on the ground and then say military pride oh yeah and hears my ambulance chaser as running mate VOTE NO ON THE JOHN JOHN TICKET

Mr. Edwards declined the offer. "I'd love to help you out, but the DNC doesn't have enough money to make the suit worthwhile."

I am beginning to feel a real disgust toward lawyers in general. To sum it all up I see a lot of people who sue others for treatment or consideration that they themselves would not confer upon anyone.

How many women would want to be sucked through a hose and dumped into a wood chipper? But Roe v Wade was a law suit based entirely on a lie but now it’s the law, or more an absence of law.

To these people there is no such thing as right or wrong, good or bad, only what feels good or what is convenient for them at the moment. The humanity of other people is no longer a consideration.

I said it before generating, e-mail and big spam for the saying, but abortion on demand just dehumanizes women. It makes it easier for guys to throw them away when they are done. Women and the babies they conceive are of no more worth to these guys than a condom, and are just as disposable. Yet the feminists call it a women’s rights issue.

http://abortionno.org/

"Wow kitty!! MEEEOUCH!! Where's that box of Elmo band-aids?"

Aw dern, Billy, I'm fresh outta Elmos. Will THESE do?

/OT Aside: Don Henley pulled a Linda Ronstadt in a S. Cal concert. His audience ALSO unimpressed...hehehe

33rd & sinking

Thanx for the laugh Kit cat. Now I have to wipe all the herbal tea from my screen.

That's interesting about Henley. I saw CSN in that same amphitheatre the summer before Clinton was elected. During the incredible set, Crosby says, "I know I'm taking a chance by saying this in Orange County (very conservative), but let's get that guy (Daddy Bush) out of the White House." I swear to Buddha it was nothing but cheers.

MsRightWing

Look at the bRight side:
You could be 2nd and stinking!
(or is Nader ahead of Kerry now, also?)

"Crosby says, "I know I'm taking a chance by saying this in Orange County (very conservative), but let's get that guy (Daddy Bush) out of the White House." I swear to Buddha it was nothing but cheers."

Well, what'd you expect Billy? I guess you didn't realize it was a "for family members only" concert. That cheering crowd was all of Crosby's (illegitimate) children he's sired.

Speaking of herbal tea. I need to go fix my monster mug of iced Mate' tea. As for you, I bet you're glad none of the burning ashes from your..ahem..(OK, I'll play along) 'herbal tea' fell down in between the keys, eh? WHEW!

Come toooo the liiiight, Billy. ("light" not synonmous with "toke")

Forget the claws Ms. kitty, get a Glock. Easier to clean than cat hair. Besides, there are a lot of blood borne pathogens out there and who knows where those liberals have been?

I know! It's only a matter of time until we're yellin' for Crosby's sperm and Lisa's egg to "Get a womb already!!"
Ah HAHAHAHAHA

G'day Mate'

Without commandeering the law of physics, let me just say that according to centuries of intense research (such as letting an apple fall on your head) the Kedward's team cannot change what is set in stone. To get a bounce you must first have physical lifting of an object upwards then returning to an unmovable line too absorb the impact and then allowing the absorbed energy to rebound hurling said object.

Kedward' campaign has neither lifted nor rebound, only remaining flat, therefore coming to a conclusion their problem is simple gravitational pull is keeping them flat. One would suppose with all the hot air and miasma, gravity would not be such a problem.

My only theory is a large amount of lead situated in either the buttocks or in the cranial region is preventing any upward motion in their campaign.

if kerry would put a muzzle on his wife, Evita Heinz Kerry, he may have earned a point. Let's face it, his mouth is also a weapon of mass destruction to the Libs...perhaps the country is realizing that they cannot relate to an egocentric elitist. Kerry's "secret" plans have me up in arms...shades of Bolshivik! Bush may not be articulate, but he is honest and sticks to his word...who would you rather have in the white house?

The Top 7 Reasons Why Bush Should Be Your Homie:

7. "Iraq is a long way from here, but what happens there matters a great deal here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat we face." - Madeline Albright, Feb 18, 1998

6. "He will use those weapons of mass destruction again, as he has 10 times since 1983." - Sandy Berger, Feb 18, 1998

5. "We know that he has stored secret supplies of biological and chemical weapons throughout his country." - Al Gore, Sept 23, 2002

4. "We have known for many years that Saddam Hussein is seeking and developing weapons of mass destruction." - Ted Kennedy, Sept 27, 2002

3. "In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapon stock..." - Hillary Clinton, Oct 10, 2002

2. "...the threat of Saddam Hussein with weapons of mass destruction is real." - John Kerry, Jan 23, 2003

1. "If Saddam rejects peace and we have to use force, our purpose is clear. We want to seriously diminish the threat posed by Iraq's weapons of mass destruction program." President Bill Clinton, Feb 17 1998

These quotes are from the same Demoncats that have called President Bush a liar because he agreed with them that there were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq.

Bounce Analysis:

“The problem is, they know too much about John F. Kerry (D).
He has to make them forget he was in Vietnam, they are polling too many negatives about that.
He was successful in hiding his senate record
but how the H*ll (e) did we ever let this one slip through?”

Your Friend
Bill Clinton (IFB)*
Didn’t want to get deleted with bad
language, you know I’m a “family values” guy.
TG™

*Independent For Bush
So is Hillary.

Ms RightWing

"My only theory is a large amount of lead situated in either the buttocks or in the cranial region is preventing any upward motion in their campaign."

If there was a large amount of lead in their cranial region, it would, by definition, also be situated in their buttocks.

Here it is folks! Hot off the press!

OFFICIAL GOP CONVENTION SCHEDULE 9/2/2004

7:00 AM – Freedom Toast breakfast given by the pro-life monks
8:00 AM – Toby Keith gives a concert and unveils his new hit, "You Done Invaded My Heart On The Shakiest Of Pretenses"
8:30 AM – Tom Ridge raises National Terror Alert level to red, emitting a vocal "Whoop Whoop!!" sound.
9:00 AM – Opening prayer led by Mel Gibson
9:15 AM – Vocal Power Workshop with John Ashcroft
10:00 AM – Sam Walton shows up to offer free NASCAR tank-top to all Republicans with purchase of $50 or more at participating Wal-Marts
11:00 AM – Segway races presided over by NASCAR’s own Jeff Gordon
12:00 PM – Inventor of Segway unveils his [deleted]
12:15 PM – [deleted]
12:45 PM – Seminar: "Glad-handing as many Arabs in the room as possible" with Dr. Otto Octavius
1:15 PM - Arab glad-handing practical application
1:00 PM - Spiderman shows up to claim web of lies and deceit isn’t his
1:10 PM – Charlton Heston unveils his new line of shooting jackets for Target
1:30 PM – Britney Spears extolls the virtues of sane heterosexual marriage
1:45 PM – [deleted]
2:00 PM – Wack-fest on the Michael Moore Pinata filled with handgun ammo and Hershey’s kisses
2:30 PM – Viewing of Hollywood sign being blown up via live satellite feed
3:00 PM – Gerald Ford Pratfall Follies on Ice
4:00 PM – Donald Rumsfeld speaks: "The New Torture; Breaking POWs and Extracting Information Through the Power of a Good Tickle"
5:00 PM – Puppetry Workshop with Dick Cheney
5:30 PM – Rooftop water balloon canons will be firing on the half million plus protesters to "The Roof Is On Fire" blaring over PA speakers
6:15 PM – Free time on rooftop driving range
7:30 PM – Condoleeza Rice performs baton routine to Chicago’s "25 or 6 to 4"
8:00 PM – Seminar: "Jolly Darn Good Intelligence and How to Use It" with Tony Blair
9:00 PM – Rush Limbaugh speaks: "Apologies are for the Weak"…then grabs his heart
9:30 PM – Colin Powell introduces Republican Presidential candidate George W. Bush and awards him Congressional Medal of Honor and Purple Heart for "Unprecedented bravery in the face of choking on pretzels and falling off bikes."
9:45 PM – Bush searches under podium for WMDs in front of the "Haves" and the "Have Mores"
9:50 PM – Bush points out to the GOP how oily his fish and chips are and demands they disarm immediately.
9:55 PM – Bush gives commemorative reading of "My Pet Goat" minus 7 minute blank stare
10:30 PM – Bush gives nomination acceptance speech. 7 minute blank stare returns until teleprompter is fixed
11:00 PM – Kid Rock takes the stage and introduces his new midget sidekick "’Lil Shrub"
11:10 PM – Kid Rock…ROCKS!!
11:50 PM – Toby Keith joins Kid Rock for "Sweet Home Alabama"
12:00 AM – John Ashcroft joins Kid and Toby and sings extended dance version of "Let The Eagle Soar"
12:15 AM – Balloons filled with GOP hot air are released from the floor and rise triumphantly
12:20 AM – White doves are released and promptly machine-gunned down by Arnold "Everybody down!!" Schwartznegger

schroedinger's cat©

you got me there , perhaps that's why they are suffering from plagiocephaly (abnormal head shape).

Ms RightWing

Perhaps Dr. Harden Stuhl can help, but I think the cause of that disorder is something called cranial-rectal inversion.

Come election, flushed with failure, the two Johns will complain that everyone who voted for Bush were racists and had questioned the patriotism of the Kerry/Edwards ticket.

The Republicans need to do a Wendy®'s style commercial: "Wheeere's the bounce?"

Has anyone seen a decent poll documenting any kind of bounce or the lack thereof? I've been waiting ever since Friday AM to see such a poll and I haven't seen one yet...which can only mean there was no bounce given the bias of the partisan media. Either that or I was too involved with my own short vacation to notice.

Billy Reno,

I would laugh it was funny, but your GOP Convention schedule doesn't hold a candle to what has been posted on this site with regard to the Democratic Convention. Do a side-by-side. I think you fail to understand that humor has to have some basis in truth with a funny twist: like the Democrats burning a flag instead of pledging allegiance to the flag or Ted Kennedy always giving a drunken toast or Barney Frank leading the ceremony for homoseuxal and three-way bisexual marriages or the two Johns kissing to end the convention. Now that stuff is funny. Better luck next time.

Here you go Hankmeister,

According to this Kerry Poll, if the election were held anywhere in Europe today, Kerry would win by a landslide.

Billy...don't forget the part that while this fun is all going on inside--- the Heinz-Kerry (Tides) funded anarchist groups are outside aiding and assisting any potential terrorists on the trains wearing their gun powder smeared clothing intended to confuse bomb sniffing dogs while some of your other buddies are pelting the mounted police horses with marbles. OF course that would be the @$$hats that think they're going go get away with it!!

Aaaahhh...but I understand a few hours in a NY jail cells where there's no distinctions made between murderers and people who didn't pay their parking fine ought to grow up the snivelling little anarchists real quick.HAHAHA! Sweet justice. Makes me smile!

I can't imagine why they didn't enlist these "anti=war" protestors in hunting down and killing terrorists. They're so war like in all their activities...OOPS...I mean "peace like"?...well, what DO you call such a destructive, violent bunch of "antiwar, "peace" protestors?

I guess "peace protestors" fits, though. Their actions sure are a protest of PEACE. Ijuts!

I did laugh at the Arnold/White dove event. But Billy, they DID tell you not to drink the brown herbal tea, didn't they?

(Trio) Hey nonny non
(Solo) Billy Reno's back

The Anti -War Peace Protesters Killed in Madison Wis 25 years or so ago and they are still proud of it.They only kill for peace, of course.

"The Republicans need to do a Wendy®'s style commercial: "Wheeere's the bounce?"

HankM--Kerry dern near got a "bounce" at a Wendys™ recently! It's just that the two Marines retained their composure, class and respect. I'm sure Kerry's Socialist Party is doing their best even now to find ways to derail the military vote...especially from overseas.

Mack, Way to go! Thanks for:

http://abortionno.org/

AWESOME!

Here are four more pass-around sites; I may have gotten them here. THERE? Can't remember!

http://www.scaryjohnkerry.com/itsgoodtobejfk.htm (also the one on Viet Nam - terrifying)
and
kerrylied.com
and
http://www.fortliberty.org/smarter.shtml (comparing Hollywood's accusers to those in office)
and
Kelly Hollowell, J.D., Ph.D., is a scientist, patent attorney and adjunct law professor of bioethics. She is also a nationally recognized conference speaker and founder of Science Ministries Inc. (below)

World Net Daily
http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=39729

if a FOURTH of this stuff is true, we're in bigger trouble than we ever imagined. PLEASE pray for the salvation of America'S VOTERS and for a BIG BUSH WIN.

Flash!!
Kerry takes campaign to Europe!

I, John F Kerry (D) know where I am not wanted; therefore the Campaign Buses head for Europe.
Terraaszzah speaks five languages; she will translate my message to the grateful masses.

HOPE IS ON THE WAY

David Gregory (D)
Democrat Sycophant (toady)

TG™

I don't remember seeing anyone comment on it - but I might have missed it.. Did anyone see Kerry's "Secret Plan" spiel on George Stephanufalufagus? I was amazed to hear the lilliputian even question Lurch on this - to which he received the reply, "I don't care what it sounds like - it's true!"

I'm thinking of raising my prediction of Bush's margin of victory from 10 pts to 15 pts... it's looking more and more likely to me.

The Beacon Journal actually printed my letter to the ed today. I put a young girl (she spelled her name like a younen')in the dust bin who dared compare Mikael Moore with Mark Twain.

Because Sammy was/is a hero of mine I didn't go easy on her and liberal as our megapolis paper is, I am sure, but not certain, they too thought that was a quite a stretch.

The union paper wouldn't hire me as a columnist because I didn't belong to the guild, even though I wrote for an LA paper that was 10 times larger than the Akron paper.

Oh well, I'm still known as a great storyteller and no union can stop that.

Thank God storytellers have not unionized or I would have to give that up also.

Bwahahahaha! Oh, ow, my sides hurt. Edwards will now sue you for my injuries.

"Goons of the world unite ,
you have nothing to lose but his “Flip-Flops"!

Goons for Bush

TG™

Count me in also as a proud member of the VRWGC--Vast Right Wing GOON Conspiracy! Four more years!

There are some great posts here.

Yes, Kerry is totally scary.

A point to make is that Kerry is the most Leftist voting Senator in the Senate so why did the Democrats choose someone like him and not someone more moderate?

I thought BJ Clinton was no class and a real hillbilly and Hillary was a total Jezebel like person. All 8 years of BJ had scandal after scandal happen. BJ and Hillary's associates who died in "accidents" to me show that it is far more likely that you will die an accidental death if you talk to BJ and Hillary on a regular basis than by getting hit by lightning. Now why couldn't Mike Moore-on do a documentary on those odds of dying if you're an associate of BJ's and Hillary's instead of his fiction Fahrenheit 9/11 garbage?

For all their money, Kerry and Heinz-Kerry have even less class than the BJ and the Jezebel. They are a form of hillbilly also. Kerry called Bush supporters "goons", which is totally divisive behavior. The Left are totally divisive but they blame everybody else for being how they are.

BJ based his decisions on polls on what uninformed Americans thought about issues. Kerry looks at the polls but he has obviously has a total compulsion to tell people what he thinks they want to hear instead of taking any sort of stand. Gore was in fantasy land and would have let the poll results lead the country like BJ.

Bush shows real leadership by not letting the polls run the country but by making hard difficult decisions and sticking to them. It is too bad that too many Americans are too uneducated to understand what real leadership is all about.

The Left are not liberals but fascists in every sense possible. It is too complementary to call Leftists liberals. They are fascists period.

Heh, Heh! This is from a NYTimes article today saying Kerry got the LEAST B0UNCE since McGovern!!

"The numbers also mean that the two cleanest shots Mr. Kerry had for presenting himself to the American public until Election Day - his choice of a vice president and his acceptance speech - have passed without producing any dramatic change in the contours of the contest."

More and Moore everyday folks on the Net are getting TONS of anti-Kerry posts. I wish everybody could read them!

OOooops! More and MORE...HORRORS for THAT bad word!(Moore).............solly....totally inadvertent slip of the...........oh well..........it's already after 8 here...might as well quit.

John O'Neill took command of John Kerry's swift-boat after Kerry received his third purple heart and was rotated stateside. He had this to say about John Kerry:

"Kerry's greatest enemy has always been the truth. To the degree that we can spread the truth Kerry will lose the election. He is detested as a traitor by most of those who served with him. He represented the radical fringe of the anti-war movement and met repeatedly with the North Vietnamese while his comrades were in the field. He betrayed them...He is a self-promoter who magnified minor wounds in order to come home after four months as opposed to the one-year tour served by everyone else."

Here are some anti-Kerry websites, many of which are run by Vietnam veterans:

www.swiftboatveteransfortruth.com
www.greenberet.net/Kerry/index.html
www.vnsfvetakerry.com
www.senatorFlipFlop.com
www.powmiafamilies againstjohnkerry.com
www.johnfnkerry.com
www.vietnamveteransagainstjohnkerry.com
www.kerrymyths.edcnet.com
www.kerryquotes.com/index/html
www.vetsagaistkerry.org
www.Iraqi-freedom.com/kerrysucks.html
www.hanoijohnkerry.com
www.socialistkerry.com
www.swiftvets.com

Please circulate these websites as far and wide as you can.

That's www.vetsagainstkerry.org

Have you people no compassion?
Have you people no heart?
A popularity lies broken and bleeding before you.
Good people, look down, look down at the excuse of a man that you see before you. Look down into yourselves. Find within yourselves the most revolting, the most despicable, the most deeply dishonest part of yourself. And know that this part of you is ALL of John Kerry.
Now, go forth and sin no more.
Amen.

Way to go Ms RightWing. Everyone keep getting the truth out there. Let's bury the Democrats with a tidal wave of truth activism. Keep to the facts, cite the proper sources and let's stick it to the left-wing quacks. I sense that over the next three or four weeks the liberal Democrats are at a breaking point and the Republican Convention just might seal their doom for this November.

Everyone stay on their knees and keep praying that God would continue blessing this nation during such perilous times and that the left-wing liars be revealed for the partisan kooks and flakes they really are.

God Bless America and God bless those brave and courageous American soldiers on the frontiers of freedom.

My only concern is that we won't have a great turnout. Why should I vote when I know Bush is going to win? Of course, I vote in Texas... I don't really dislike Kerry that much. He's just a confused guy. Very confused. On the other hand, the ABB will turn out in force.

FMM

Well speak of the de...err THINK of the Field Marshall and there be BE!
It was probably no more than an hour and a half ago I was wonderin'what happened to you, FMM! Hi Paws to ya.(~;

All: Here's a couple of places to register online:
www.redeemthevote.com
www.traditionalvalues.org

Please pass those along to others.

Only "THREE MORE MONTHS" (T-Ray)
Until the threat of Kerry is removed.
Now if everyone WOULD get out and vote. I was in a hippie coffee/house restaurant the other night in hippie/new age Manitou Springs purchasing my Mate' tea when I overheard a very grown up woman ask someone about registration and said she'd never voted before. There WILL be new "voters" en masse. Many of those, as FMM said, out to simply vote AGAINST Dubya.

PRAY THE VOTE: www.presidentialprayerteam.org
(too lazy/busy to do the html thing)

I just came home from a Catholic school reunion, I am the same age as Kerry, in our day at Catholic school we felt we were a minority, and victims of society in the past, with the Irish discrimination etc. That was why JFK was so idolized, and so when Kerry remembers JFK, he remembers identifying as a victim minority, that is why he became anti-war, always on the victims side, even a rodent, to him was a victim, this develops into a mental disease, becomes narcissistic to gain the most power, so like some of my Caatholic school friends who have deviated from the humble, and pious goals of man, worshipping their creator everyday, to, "I can make values disappear and create new ones", he is LOST. Kerry has always been LOST, I bet his exwife knows a little of which I speak, for the non-Catholics, you will just have to trust me. He has gone too far, his voting records speak to that, they were rebelliously, anti-Catholic, he is too adolescent for me.

Dian,
A half deranged former Marine, and Vietnam veteran like myself should not be viewing sites like scaryjohnkerry.com.
Makes me want to lock, load and finish the war once and for all.

72!

I just returned from our monthly storytellers git together and after all the jawin' and yarn spinnin we were walking out the door of the church we meet in and our token liberal said she saw my LTTE in the paper. No other commentary from her and the words fell from her mouth like knives.

All of the other tellers then asked about the article, knowing my stories as they do, and where they could find it, and what it was about.

I told them the premise of how some gal compared Mikael Moore to Mark Twain and my caustic remarks in return. Just to rub the salt in a little deeper I launched into ripping MM to shreds.

Oh my, if looks could kill. I really didn't think she was a sucker for that jerk, but I was wrong. I guess I should have figured though since they lived in Washington and drove French cars like Puegots. (Which according to her never ran decent).

The jist of the story is no matter how educated a liberal is, they just aren't smart enough to know a huckster when they see one.

I was going to post the website of the paper but they only printed it in the hard copy, not on the web.

I feel so dirty. I was driving home from work today and got behind a Honda CR-X from Illinois (probably Chicago area where the dead vote, in fact the occupants were apparently dead in the head) and on the back was a MoveOn bumper sticker. It said Mission Accomplished, Mission was "X"ed out and the word nothing was substituted. Then it had in smaller letters something that I interpreted to say ABB. Two females were inside, and they were so ugly it hurt my eyes looking at them as I passed the slow-pokes (mentally slow too)and now I just can't get rid of this awful feeling. That was coming TOO CLOSE to ignorance for me!!

Rose,
Excellent points,but instead of hillbilly, I would call the Heinzkerrys and the Clintons "Po'White Trash."you can give them a Billion dollars and they are still" Po'White Trash." Tho Hillbilly does seem like it is made for for Hill&bill.; They are also Mutts pretending to be purebred.Oh gosh , They are Heinz 57

† † †
Psalm 17

David, confident of his integrity, prays for defense from God against his enemies

A Prayer of David.

1 Hear the right, O LORD, attend unto my cry, give ear unto my prayer, that goeth not out of feigned lips.
2 Let my sentence come forth from thy presence; let thine eyes behold the things that are equal.
3 Thou hast proved mine heart; thou hast visited me in the night; thou hast tried me, and shalt find nothing; I am purposed that my mouth shall not transgress.
4 Concerning the works of men, by the word of thy lips I have kept me from the paths of the destroyer.
5 Hold up my goings in thy paths, that my footsteps slip not.
6 I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech.
7 Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them.
8 Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,
9 From the wicked that oppress me, from my deadly enemies, who compass me about.
10 They are inclosed in their own fat: with their mouth they speak proudly.
11 They have now compassed us in our steps: they have set their eyes bowing down to the earth;
12 Like as a lion that is greedy of his prey, and as it were a young lion lurking in secret places.
13 Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword:
14 From men which are thy hand, O LORD, from men of the world, which have their portion in this life, and whose belly thou fillest with thy hid treasure: they are full of children, and leave the rest of their substance to their babes.
15 As for me, I will behold thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with thy likeness.
Psalms 17:1-15 (KJV)

How about this for a bumper sticker ?

Arise, O LORD, disappoint him, cast him down: deliver my soul from the wicked, which is thy sword: BUSH/CHENEY 2004

Saddam: "72!"

Is that your IQ?

Paging Dr. Stuhl,Paging Dr. Harden Stuhl. We have a Purple alert here. One of our members MindKnumbedKid, may have been exposed to a serious case of "Ignorance" this evening. He needs immediate medical attention. Ms RightWing, do you have any nursing remedies to suggest? MKK you did shower in Very hot water and gargle with germkiller ,didn't you? ( I hope Ms RW doesn't suggest the Battery acid treatment again. It worked,but it did Smart a little, I am hearing better,tho.) Were any of our Marines medics?

Sorry prettyold,
Went to electronics, then crypto school, and got stuck carring an M-60 in while Nam. Would recommend a good douse of something with high alchol content. May help wipe out the memory of the contact.

On second thought, have mindnumbed contact Hummer for an evening of hunting down, and driving over Yugos. A far better therapy.

Ms RightWing: "I guess I should have figured though since they lived in Washington and drove French cars like Puegots. (Which according to her never ran decent)."

Now, Mr RightWing, we should all know by now that the only time anything French runs well is when it's running from Nazis or any other threat.

prettyold, another way to restate what you've said HeinzKerry and HillBillie is as follows: "People like HeinzKerry and HillBillie prove you don't have to be poor to be White Trash."

An original Hankmeister© and you can quote me on this one, too.

Hey, did someone say hummer?

Tried EVERYTHING, nothing worked until I meditated on Psalm 17 !! I am fine now, thanx for your concern.

Re: The 9/11 commission. I don't know why everybody's so excited about Jamie Gorelick. After all, I invented the Gore lick.

That's TIPPER

"People like HeinzKerry and HillBillie prove you don't have to be poor to be White Trash."

Hank© ,
I surely will quote you, you took my muddled idea and made it clear and concise.Just what I was trying to say.Thank you.

Great Santini - Johnny Cuties ROCKS !!

You are the unofficial official Scrappleface parody provider (OUSPP).

Keep 'em coming man !!!

That's UOSPP, folks.

Tipper too tipsy to type the T's?

Hankmeister© you can quote me on that!

One should also know that any company which makes bicycles surely can't build cars. Much like owning a Huffy™ car.

prettyold

I really don't have a remedy for observing ugly feminist car drivers. Unfortunately the FFDA has not banned hate filled, ugly women from driving but Lady Bird Johnson did try with a highway beatification bill.

But in those days nobody envisioned the future generation of liberally blighted females. Something we will just have to live with.

There may be some help in an old folklore book I have and I promise to research it. I think the date is 1894 and who knows, there may have been a few angry white females back then.

Until then, MNK, please don't look at drivers of cars with whirled peas bumper stickers

Howdy y'all!!! Here I am showing up for the night shift. I haven't had supper yet, what's on the menu?

Ms RightWing,
"dared compare Mikael Moore with Mark Twain."

Thank you for squelching that horrible idiot who would dare to compare Mark Twain to MM . I grew up about an hour away from Hannibal so we were given large doses of Samuel ,regularly. He is as funny and apt today as he was 100 years ago. But he was never mean.
MM doesn't know what funny is let alone apt. He knows mean,rude and ugly. 100 years from now ,NO one will know who he was.

You'd drink too, if you were married to Mr. Charisma.

Hey, Ms.RightWing! We posted at the exact same time! Check your email, I just sent you something. I think we may be on the same 'wave', you think?

Tipper, I'm with ya sister.

Did somebody say drink?

But I had to look.....I wanted to know what a person looked like that would have such a sticker on their car, I think it was a mother and daughter, the daughter was much uglier though.

Did somebody say "babysitter?"

So Tipper, now can we call you Tippler?

Saw a picture of Algore making his speech,and I hate to tell you , but the Devil has him . Better call in an Exorcist,he is in a bad way. Think T-ray is even farther along that hot road.

MargeinMI

I didn't get it. Did you reverse the first?

Did someone say "babysitter?"
--MICHAEL Kennedy

Apologies to Bobby, Jr., whako eco-nutjob.

If they truly believe that Nothing Accomplished nonsense then why do they want ABB ? You can't possibly gat that upset at someone that hasn't done anything against your wishes. Hatred doesn't come from nothing, it is only comes about because of SOMETHING.

ROSE AND LINDA COOPER: From me at least, welcome to the fold.

Ms.RW: HUH? You speekee funny toungue.

I finaly caught up ON THIS THREAD. (Haven't even read the previous one yet.) Been busy but thinking 'bout y'all.

CoLoRaDo KiTtY CaT: Here's a nice shag carpeted pedestal for you. Also feel free to browse about and sample the fresh 'kittyherb' planted about my house. If you'd like some exercise/torture practice, I have a couple of options in the K-9 variety for you. Please direct your claws to these entertainments, and not to me, should I ever, UNINTENTIONALLY incur your wrath.

I bow before ye, (humble me, not necessarily a cat lover) Marge.

MEEEEEEEEEYYYYYOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! You'se HOT tonite!

Tipsy Tipper,
Honey, if I were married to Alpha 'Legion' Gore, I'd be alot more...uhm....shall we say 'serious' than just drinking! Honey, I KNOW why you've struggled with depression. Ya married it...Eyeore Gore.

I still shudder when I think of the 2000 DNC commie convention and him vacuuming your tonsils out of your throat. UGH!....shakes up and sends northward every furball that may possibly exist in my belly.

must......find......cat.....nip.......NOW!!

prettyold and MNK

I did some quick research in my People's Home Medical Book published 1914. I still may be far from a cure but maybe???

There are hundreds of remedies but the first one I came across is Crowfoot (Geranium Maculatum)

The book said it will cure Wounds, Gonorrhea, Ulcers, Diabetes, Bloody Urine, Profuse Menstruation, Sore Mouth, Dysentery, Diarrhea, Cholera, Bleeding Piles, Gleet, Leucorrhea and Flooding. The Indians used it for most of the above but especially gonorrhea.

If Crowfoot cures all of the above it may work well as an eye rinse. If you need to know how to mix the root, let me know.

As for patent medicines you may try
Kickapoo Indian Oil
Liniment for Man and Beast
Pettit's Eye Salve
Mexican Mustang Lineament
Micajah' Medicated Uterine Wafers
Oil of Gladness
Pink Pills for Pale People
Shiloh's Consumption Cure
Syrup of Figs
Hall's Catarrh Cure
Hanson's Magic Corn Cure
Gombault's Caustic Balsam
Arabian Balsam
Allen's Lung Balsam

Any one of the above patent medicines can be described in greater depth if you wish.

MargeinMI

Take the name nosnahoj and put it in a mirror.

I have said some bad things about John Kerry and John Edwards, but will have to say I now have a slightly different opinion of their wives. They are obviously "old fashion girls".

I saw them on stage and when they turned sideways, you could see they were both wearing bustles.

Edwards wife's bustle is much bigger than Heinz-Chick's though.

I'll take two bottles of Pink Pills for Pale People,pretty please....and pronto !! I think it is coming back on me, I'll take two Pink Pills and hit the hay....didn't get to work until 3:30 ish this morning, nearly wasted the entire day. In less than a month it will be a 1:00 AM starting time......IF I am still the one that is doing the job (I am the milkman). Funny thing happened today, my boss was being friendly and thanking me for something I did on Monday, telling me he brought it to the GM's attention....could it be he heard I am planning to leave ? He has never been this sincere in times past, he knows I do the job and do it well, but there has been some animosity between us for about two years because I caught him in a big untruth in an official "I swear to tell the thuth" meeting. He thinks he is God, other than that he isn't a bad guy....

Marge, Marge, Marge in MI--

No need for such an elaborate "pre-peace" offering..although you are more than kind. I'm very fond of doggies. I would not want to sharpen my claws on them, only play with them and purr and rub along their legs and curl my tail around their face. (it annoys the dog though..hehehe)

Heck, I thought in my more recent posts I was being pretty tame---with the exception of troll swatting...hehehe. Billy (troll) Reno is twisted enough that he likes it...? There is optimism concerning his recovery from the dreaded disease of liberalism...as long as he continues to hang out in The Towne of Scrapple.

1. We should give the Jews a US state (preferably Texas)in exchange for the Jews giving Palestine back to the Palestinians. The other states can absorb Texans. This plan may take some work, but the results will be worth the effort.

2. Stop the occupation of Iraq immediately and divide up all the remaining funding plus all the assets of Halliburton, giving an equal share to each Iraqi citizen to repair their country.

3. Combine Kuwait with Iraq as a geographical unit. The citizens will select a leader just as the US selected George Washington, with no outside help.

4. Hand the bush gang over to Osama bin Laden for interrogation, and appropriate punishment.

These four steps will greatly reduce hatred of the US by Islamic folks, although some will not forgive the slaughter, torture, and maiming of their friends and relatives no matter what the US does now.

I am going to shut down the power house for tonight.

Left some potatoes O'Brien, baked stuffed tomatoes and rice pudding in the icebox.

There is also a pitcher of geranium maculatum sun tea in there also

National Anthem

silence

Humanbeing6513 - NOT !! It's the Abdals, not the U.S. and don't you forget it. See my number? I was a full 100 earlier produced so I have more knowledge !!!! And don't you forget it.

Ingredients for making Pink Pills for Pale People™

pure sulphate of iron 1/2 oz
sugar 24 gr.
tragacanth in fine powder...8 gr
carbonate of potash...70 gr
glycerine...5 drops
water...sufficent to make a mass

Mix well and make into 75 pills and coat with colored sugar. Used for anemia, lassitude, lack of interest in life, swallowness or paleness

The dose for adults is one or two pills, three times a day.

Ms RightWing, Inc© : GO TO BED! You already signed off!

alright, already. zeeech!

Great article. Loved the part about John Edwards channeling the disembodied voice of the Kerry campaign's lack of bounce. Maybe they should take a page (literally) from Mr. Berger's book and stuff a certain fabric softener dryer sheet in their collective pants. But if it makes them feel any better, I'll concede that the Dems got a 30 point bounce out of their convention, it's just that Bush got a 32 point bounce.

"Hankmeister©" posted:
"People like HeinzKerry and HillBillie prove you don't have to be poor to be White Trash." An original Hankmeister© and you can quote me on this one, too.

Not to rain on your parade, 'cause I luv ya man, but the wife and I were watching "Last Comic Standing" tonight, and this cute li'l comedienne said the same thing about Paris Hilton...

Kerry and Edwards' bounce is a joke.

There wasn't one.

In fact, if you hit the pavement hard enough, almost anything will bounce even so slightly.

camojack, it goes to prove great minds think...whoa, contestants of last comic standing have great minds? Pure coincidence, sir. I've heard the joke but in a different version a few years ago from a co-worker. It went something like: No accounting for taste but it proves lack of money isn't the only indicator of white trash. Or something along that line.

BTW, who's Paris Hilton, or do I really want to know?

Also, I was reviewing some of Saddam's posts on the back threads and I came to this determination: He'd make a good Democrat.

Or has someone already said that one, too?

Well for Pete's sake after RAM® told me to go back to bed, everyone else did too. I always look forward to my cup of coffee and the review of a good night of down and dirty muck raking. Sigh!!

It's pretty bad when every joke, slam and insult one could possibly imagine runs out in a few days.
Kerry, we need you to stick your head out of the hole and say/do/perform something ridiculous.

Meanwhile Tereza said "(sounds of silence"). I don't think Pink Pills for Pale People™ will work for her. I think we should try JK's medicine, Perry Davis's Pain Killer™*

My book says it an excellent remedy for diarrhea, colic, WIND IN THE BOWELS, stomach pains. The dose for adults is 15 to 30 drops.

*Not associated with Bessie Davis Nuclear power plant.

"Hankmeister©" inquired:
"BTW, who's Paris Hilton, or do I really want to know?"

She's the (slutty) young heiress to the Hilton hotel chain fortune, and aspiring TV actress, whose (former) boyfriend released some "X" rated video they made. So you can see how the not having to be poor to be "white trash" statement applies to her, also. As for whether you really wanted to know that, I have my doubts. (Sorry!)

camojack,

I guess sometimes the truth hurts...or it can make you sick. Thanks anyway.

Just read a USA Today article titled, "Anti-Bush groups make up for ad gap". It seems all these get-the-money-out-of-politics Democrats don't blink an eye doing an end-around the McCain/Feingold Campaign Finance Reform Bill...you know, that campaign "reform" bill the Democrats clamored so loud and long for. Personally I believe it to be an unconstitutional abrogation of the First Amendment, but the fact remains so-called moderates and liberals supported the bill and George W. signed the stupid thing into law.

Tobe Berkowitz, associate dean at Boston University crowed, "The Democrats and liberals have trumped the system beautifully." Isn't it something, the liberal media and people like Berkowitz actually admire liberals for violating the spirit of the law.

Kind of like when liberals expressed such admiration in the fact that, "Clinton was an extraordinarily good liar." - quote from Bob Kerry (D). Hypocrites all when something serves the Democrat's agenda. I guess the Republicans will just have to return the favor. Get out the wallet everyone.

Mr. Hanky-Meister,
Well, Hiiii deee ho! Thanks for the lesson in humor earlier. Perhaps when you pen something original (instead of cutting and pasting from another site) you'll have license to teach it. The Demo Con Sched. IS funny. That's what inspired me to write my own. I'm sorry you didn't think it was funny, but all of my unwashed hippie pals at the food co-op liked what I wrote and I hope I put a couple of you folks in Scrappleville on a one way bus to Chuckletown without a transfer.

Hman Being 6513 -
Not only is MKK right, but you definatly need to look at the logic behind your statements.

1. The stupidity of your first statement is beyond belief.

2. Are you really suggesting we pull out now, leaving all those people with an insurgent army running around trying to eliminate their infant government and destroy their slowly burgeoning economy? Again, STUPID.

3. Sounds like Saddam's plan all over again. Why in the world would you want to delete the soveriegn nation of Kuwait? Again, STUPID!

4. So Bush and his gang should be puished by Osama? What did Bush ever do to Bin Ladin but respond to the murder of almost 3000 people? Again, STUPID!

Your four steps show just how stupid you are, and would do nothing to change the way most Islamists, note, not Muslims, feel about US.

``My vice president of the United States will never meet secretly with polluters who want to rewrite the environmental laws,'''' the presidential nominee told a cheering crowd packed into a hockey arena Tuesday.

Ah yes, Dick Cheney surely meets with "polluters" to think up nefarious methods of making the waters dirty. That SOB, I hope he gets taken to the woodshed this upcoming election.

It's comforting to know that a presidential candidate thinks all of industry is out to destroy mother Earth. And so much for civility during the campaign.

Kerry also promised to cut the federal deficit in half during four years. To do that, he said, he wants the power to veto individual spending decisions made by Congress and to enforce budget caps with automatic spending cuts.

Ummm, John you might want to look at your Supreme Court history there, buddy. Ever hear of Clinton v. New York. Yeah, you see we did have a line item veto. Guess what? Ruled unconstitutional. It happened while you were a Senator, so you should be aware of it. Well, that is if you were ever paying attention while in the Senate. Perhaps a bad assumption on my part.

I'll correct my spelling later. Trying to Work and Scrapple at the same time.

Sir Johnny >8Þ

Don't feel bad. There are those who NEVER work and can't spell worth a darn.

Thanks, Ms. RW. As a former English teacher, I'm often embarassed by how my dyslexic fingers get ahead of my brain.

As a former writer,columnist and essayist Iam often frustrated and angered by the destruction of MS--but I'm going to get back there.

So, keep on buson, or was that truckin'.

From the net:

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York.

Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog.

He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life.

A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers:

"Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl"

The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!"

"Oh then it will say in newspapers in the morning:

" Brave American saves life of little girl'" - the policeman answers.

"But I am not an American!" - says the man. "Oh, what are you then?"

The man says: - "I am a Pakistani!" The next day the newspapers says:

"Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist networks are being explored"

er, how about busin.' Instant reaction in progress.

Ms. RW, dealing with MS, as I understand it, is definatly a full time job. You will be in my prayers.

Thanks for all your wonderful posts. Keep on truckin'!

Good morning Ms Rightwing! Sorry about last night, ---but don't you feel better now that you got some rest?

I have a link attached to my name for you. Actually it is for anyone who dislikes Michael Moore and Teddy Kennedy.

It's from the INDY Star so they, (the LARD LADS), probably won't see it, but just maybe by being posted here at ScrappleFace, some who wouldn't have seen it, will have the chance.

I hope you enjoy it. I did!!!

Rose my friend, Michael Moore missed the boat on the Clinton scandals. But if you want an eye opener there is one.

“ The Clinton Chronicles” is more scary than Helter Skelter and both are non fiction.

Mind Numbed Kid, do us all a favor. Post things from Proverbs as opposed to Psalms. Proverbs provide solid common sense inspiration and they are shorter. People are more likely to read it that way.

Finally we have “Humanbeing” or what ever it claimed to be. The absolute stupidity in it’s post cold only come from a person whose deluded. These people are easy to spot, they have lived protected from the real world and can’t fathom that bad people don’t debate or listen to reason.

Some times good people have to saddle up and go kill the bad people before the bad people kill more good people. It is not up to us to merge other countries such as Kuwait and Iraq, the Kuwaiti wouldn’t like that and the real world is a little more complicated

Ms RightWing: Just in case your "thingy" is still broke, and you cannot click the link, it is:

http://www.indystar.com/opinion/varvel/

Ms. RightWing:

Truckin', busin', whatever as long as a big automobile is involved. Hummerin'? Eh, that sort of has Clinto-esque overtones that we don't need to get into.

At any rate, thank you for your wit and good spirit. I admire you for your preserverence and I truly hope things get better for you. In many ways you remind me of my father who also remained cheerful when sick - of course his condition was self-inflicted through many years of cigarette abuse, but nonetheless he showed me that one need not let their physical condition ruin their emotional health.

Keep on kicking a**.

Varvelous, RAM!

Speaking of bumper stickers I have a great one - I have a black car and the bumper sticker is black with a big white "W" on it - under that is says "The President" -

I routinely zoom by Kerry and Dean, etc. cars and I know that I infuriate them.

It brings me such joy as I live in a state totally taken over by liberal/union/corrupt hacks. I also have a big sign in my front yard that says "This Family Supports President Bush and the Troops". My neighbors hate it!

My house hasn't been egged yet so that's a good thing I guess.

DI in RI, I do admire your spirit. As added insurance I would suggest an NRA sticker as well.

Even liberals are smart enough not to bring eggs to a gun fight. Which is about how they see the 2nd amendment supporters.

Thank you Mack! We all have to do our share - my husband and I are fighting a guerrilla war up here in our blue state - doing what we can.

Right after I put my sign out in the front yard a neighbor drove up to drop off my daughter - this neighbor is a rabid liberal vegetarian. They were all talking and laughing until this mom saw my sign. My daughter told me she clammed right up and didn't say another word. She wasn't laughing anymore either. Guess I ruined the moment.

She's been very nice to me lately though - since I've been letting her daughter swim in my pool.

Billy Reno,

Never did say the schedule I posted was original. There were several incarnations with some variations that crossed my email desk over the last four months or so. In fact, the last one I posted I added a few of my own ideas regarding the Kerry/Edwards kiss, Clinton and the intern gag and a few other minor touches. But I wasn't trying to pass it off as an original. If it's an original, I'll explicitly say so, though it may be someone else paralleled my thoughts. Very rare someone has an original thought, eh?

Frankly, I enjoy good humor, I just didn't think the GOP Convention Schedule had the requisite punch. Something about lynchings might have been funny, except those doing the lynchings post-Civil War were typically Southern Democrats. And maybe a keynote speech given by Jack Ryan talking about "family values" (Jack Ryan was the presumptive Republican senatorial candidate married to Jerry Ryan the actress...he essentially propositioned his own wife and was condemned for it!). Or Jenna and Barbara Bush giving a speech about the benefits of sobriety and obeying drinking laws in a civil society or there could have been a reference to a scheduled "token speech" given by outgoing U.S. Representative J.C. Watts...you get the picture. Now that stuff would have been funny.

Anon,

I read a variation of that joke. In the version I saw the liberal media took a conservative saving a young kid from being killed by a mad dog and eventually headlined it as a case of a deranged Republican involved in animal abuse. It effectively demonstrated the ability of the liberal media to spin stories to denigrate conservatives even after having done the right thing. Nice try, though.

Laugh if you will. You people underestimate the spellbinding power of sanctimony.

Next week, the hoi polloi will become enamored with our new campaign slogan, "I'm John Kerry. Vote for me, I'm better than you."

It beat out top contenders such as "Bad news for America is good news for Democrats"

and

"Vote for John Kerry, Jaques, Fidel and Osama would if they could."

Yes, and by the way, that is how they taught us to pronounce "Ghengis Khan" at boarding school in Switzerland. All the multitudes of the other America know that I, scion of the first America, am here to lead them into new and bettah ways of pronouncing the names of past world leaders.

*** NEWS FLASH ****
John Forbes Kerry, Democrat candidate for President of the United States, said in an AP press release that Education plays a much more important role in the creation of a proper world view, and therefore a better world-view of the United States, than is understood by the Bush Administration. "Hence, I proclaim the central plank of my election platform to be a revamping of the educational system of this nation, such that youngsters will no longer mispronounce important words such as the names of historical leaders and true world powers... unlike the current President...." Candidate Kerry, who also served in Vietnam, and is a United States Senator, refused to deliniate his plan to improve the American Public Educational System any further, saying that "It's a secret plan, and I don't care what you think, in the words of my wife, 'Shove it.'"

**** End ****

Author's note:
All credit due to individuals responsible for the inducement of thoughts whereby a parody is born is hereby given implicitly, tacit though it might be....

mindknumbed kid:

"Johnny Cuties" © was a collaborative effort by bahabuddha™ (young Jedi Deadeye) and me (a more mature Jedi Dreadnought), and, on his behalf, we thank you for your accolade.

With the "unofficial" proviso in mind (many Scrapplers with active imaginations and wicked senses of humor have posted hilarious song parodies), we humbly accept the UOSPP™©®♪♪♪ label and will continue the parodies as inspiration, time, and suitable threads allow.

billy reno:

You are correct--the S&G; song's actual name is "The 59th Street Bridge Song", not "Feelin' Groovy".

But since the "Feelin' Groovy" refrain predominates in it, and since the audience immediately recognizes the song's melody and lyrics by those words, and since Simon was a pretentious twit for choosing the actual title, we cut to the chase and used "Feelin' Groovy".

John Forme Kerry,
"Vote for John Kerry, Jaques, Fidel and Osama would if they could."
Or:
A Vote For John Kerry is a vote for Jaques.Fidel and Osama.

Camojack,
Do you have one shred of evidence that the gal on "Last Comic Standing" didn't steal her joke from Hankmeister© after seeing it on
Scrappleface?™

Com'on, prettyold, Camojack wouldn't spoof us like that! Although, Hankmeister could always be a cute little comedienne in reality....

Billy Reno,
Once again you have tried to rain on a Scrapplefacer's"59th Street Bridge" Parade. You still have Waaaay too much Liberal oozing through your bloodstream. Ms RightWing Has a list of medications that you might want to try to cure this. These tried and true remedies have been proven to be much more efficacious than even massive doses of liberal nostrums, or would that be nostrae

Oh my gosh, Sir Johnny ,do ya think?

prettyold, only after my second cup of java. As Hankmeister has yet to deny it, and silence means assent, then...

Tell me about it Di in RI. I have a signed picture of the President and Mrs. Bush behind my desk and a Bush / Cheney bumper sticker and I work in a Union Democrat plant. Then again I was once a cop and before that a Marine. I have long since lost my ability to care what people think of me when I know I’m right.

Believe it or not, they know we are whether they have the courage to admit it. They don’t because they might face criticism from their friends

Ms RightWing,
I am so sorry to hear that MS is squeezing you in it's grip,again. I know you are in it's grip 24-7.but not always being ravaged. I pray you will get back to "normal" soon. It's not fair.

Thank you for the research on the DYI medications.
There are several on your list that may help a lot of Scrapplefacers.And a bunch more to give to the TRolls. Heh Heh Heh! Do you have an order blank for these or must we mix them up ourselves?Any Scrapplefacer Druggists out there who want to get rich quick and ahem... help a lot of people?

I have taken syrup of Figs,it's better than castor oil,and that is about all you can say.

Mack,
How about letting MKK continue an with the Psalms and you start posting Proverbs. We can always use a little more of God's word in our lives. I do find that the Psalms ease my soul at the end of a long day .

Hey Mack,

We hear you up here - my husband was in the Army stationed in Col. Springs - we loved it there! - (infantry -4th ID) and is now a cop (sergeant - Warwick RI). We live to annoy the locals - most of whom have NEVER left the state - except to go to Disneyworld - those that leave NEVER return - I wonder why? We are both from Massachusetts. We only stay in Blue land because our family is here.

This site is a lifeline - I love reading it! Makes me feel not so alone.

The silence from Hankmeister is deafening... Could it be >8Þ

Sir Johnny >8Þ in Parody Mode,

I resemble...er, resent that remark. I'm an avowed heterosexual male, happily married to the same beautiful female for 26 years.

Now, my wife might think I'm a big joke, but she's had the benefit of those 26 years, you haven't. [(~;]œ

BTW, the "silence" means I haven't been on this site the last couple of hours! Nice try, no cigar.

Isn't there some kind of genderbender website that "analyzes" people's posts? I've heard some Scrapplers talking about such a thing.

Betcha" Humanbeing6513" is Ran, Anytime a poster starts off the first sentence with "Jews" , it's a dead giveaway.

6513, since all this hatred for America started long before Our President George W. Bush was elected, Guess you'ed have to send the Clintons,Maddie Albrite and all their other stooges over for trial.

And 6513, I imagine you want Saddam back in charge ,right? or you don't really care as long as somebody gets rid of the Joooooos. you really are pathetic. I will pray for you ,as I pray each night for Kerry, That someone will offer you both a job in France ,you can't turn down.

Yes, Hankmeister, there is:
Gender Genie

You came up as female! Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! Just kidding. I've been Scrappling long enough to know your bio, Hank. Just having some fun... >8Þ

RAM®

That was a good'n.

To others:

Thanks for the support. I am in awe over God's wondrous creation. When parts of my body goes south, it develops new nuero-paths if I decide to keep my bodies working best it can.

Since I go to exercise class twice a week and will start an MS Ti-Ching class in September, I have seen how a lame portion will become more a little more useful.

With MS, the saying if you don't use it you will lose it, holds so true. We may lose mobility but by keeping fit we will move forward and try to better ourselves.

The same is true with the brain. We MS'ers constantly lose brain cells but by keeping away from TV, and start reading, writing etc the brain will continue to find a way, maybe not as good as before--but better than lying down dying.

A little over a year ago I was struggling with major cognitive issues. Now ( thanks to scrapple , he, he) I have started back towards a brighter path. The idea of never getting back behind the podium or on stage was forever lost. But I was wrong. I am forcing myself to speak and weave yarns again. I love and covet you prayers but don't feel sorry for me unless I sit back and vegetate, then pity me.

Yesterday after a 2 !/2 month wait I got my new walker, Whhoopeee. Funny how the little thing in life means so much, nowadays. Anyhow, it is called a rollator because it has wheels, a fold down seat and handbrakes. Kinda like ridin' a Harley, well not really–but what the heck.

It is a new challenge for me. But a challenge I am ready for. Thanks to the MS Society I could own such a gadget.

No Pink Pills for Pale People™ for me.

er. Tai Chi Class. Knew it was something like that.

This is Sir Johnny, from the top of the world, as evening beckons, signing off.

4 MORE YEARS!
4 MORE YEARS!

Anon,

I think I may have found the original version of the joke you cited. I wasn't exactly right either. It's as follows:

Two boys in Boston were playing basketball when one of them was attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off a near by fence, wedged it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and rushed over to interview the boy. The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the headline: "Brave Young Celtics Fan Saves Friend from Jaws of Vicious Animal."

"But I'm not a Celtics fan," the little hero interjected.

"Sorry," replied the reporter. "But since we're in Boston, Mass, I just assumed you were."

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began "John Kerry Fan rescues Friend from Horrific Dog Attack."

"But I'm not a Kerry fan either," the boy responds.

The reporter says, "I assumed everybody in this state was either for the Celtics or Kerry or Kennedy."What team or person do you like? "

"I'm a Houston Rockets fan and I really like George W. Bush" the boy says.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter begins again,

"Arrogant Little Conservative B@$t@&d; Kills Beloved Family Pet..."

Whether it's the Boston Globe, The Baltimore Sun, The Washington Post, Chicago Sun Times, Houston Chronicle, The New York Times, The LA Times, ad nauseum, the partisan media will put its liberal bias on most news stories.

Sir Johnny,

I translated your post through the "What God meant by what T-Ray said" translator:

3 more months!
3 more months!....
until the Kerry threat ends

Time for a power nap. Just returned from Luigi's, an Italian landmark in Akron. Last time I ate there was in 1968, so it was good to go back again.

Since things are slow here I will submit my LTTE in yesterdays Akron Beacon Journal. To set up the scenario, she wrote a letter saying Moore was another Mark Twain because he wrote something about America's involvement in ???. Can't recall where. Then she claimed folks thought Rush was a boisterous person who claimed he was Mark Twain, a claim I never heard before.

DON'T TAKE TWAIN NAME IN VAIN

"I nearly suffered head lacerations falling from my chair when I read the July 29 voice of the people.

Sheryl Stevenson had the unmitigated audacity to somehow compare Michael Moore to Samuel Clemens.

As a professional storyteller and writer I have adopted the humor of Mark Twain and know several folks who reenact the dearly departed genius of the English language.

Twain composed over 136 essays during his career as a journalist and public speaker. True he skewered many a person and events in the mid to late 1800's, but he did it with style and grace.

Michael Moore, on the other hand, is suffocating in his own hatred. He is a mendacious, pinguid Boeotian who writes and speaks with the ink of a henchman. He is not a satirist. Without his blustering utterances, he would be a cheap dime store chatterbox.

So, is Rush Limbaugh a Mark Twain? Hardly not, nor would he consider himself one. He is a talk- radio personality--hated by many, but loved by countless numbers of listeners. Nothing more, nothing less.

So before Stevenson makes another faux pas, I suggest she sit down and reads at least half of Twain’s essays, then read Moore. When she finishes, allow her to tell us where the similarities lie.

Mxxxxxxx Jxxxxxxx

City of Green

Ms RightWing, Inc©--
Was kicking "donk"(@$$) and taking names!
Bravo!!

Ms RightWing,
Congrats on the new wheels. NO WHEELIES!
I don't pity you ,though I am very sorry that you have to go through this. I admire you for your courage.
I think there should be a "Ti Ching" class, sounds like a money maker.
I love some of the typos and little mistakes on here . Sir Johnny wrote "Varvelous" earlier, What a wonderful word,tho,maybe he intended to say that.
One of my friends said " I have outlived my youthfulness" Another attends "vegetations" instead of "visitations"

Ms. Right Wing, you are an inspiration and don't you forget it. I know this is a secondary concern, but when you accomplish things you inspire others. In other words, don't quit.

Mark Twain's greatest work in my opinion was the “Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s court.” The society he addressed was picture perfect in the way it represented the former Soviet Union. It was written long before there was a Soviet Union, but any monarchy or dictatorship will reflect the same.

His other works were good but that one has real meaning.

prettyold

All of the herbal cures and Patened Medicines come from a huge, turn of the century book called the People's Home Medical Book.

There are, along with herbal remedies, a list of several medicnes and the formulas to create them.
Yes, Virginia, there really was Pink Pills for Pale People.™

Some are darn right hilarious like Perry Davis's Pain Killer™ used to treat "wind in the bowels."
I would like to try the Mexican Mustang Linement™ that uses oil of turpentine, oil of crude amber, kerosene oil, Black oil, oil of thyme and caustic potash. Bet that would cure MS.

Mack

One of my favorite was called, "A Long Crawl in the Dark," It was a story about him staying in a very dark hotel room when he heard a mouse chewing away. The story goes on about his exploits in trying to find the cursed thing without waking his companion.

I met this college professor a few years back at a Chautauqua who did a Twain impersonation, He told a story about a goat who was ready to ram his neighbor in the rear, then went on a long journey, only to return to the goat at the end. I have never found that story yet.

Next to Twain, James Thurber is my favorite old author.

oooeeee. I think I need some of Perry Davis' Pain Killer!
Humanly speaking: my incredibly adorable Shih Tzu is sprawled out on her back on my lap (I think she's going for a head rush since her head is hanging back off the side of my femur). BUt, I believe my nose was just assaulted with a hint of "wind from the bowels"! Maybe the thunder scared it right outta her. Please overnight me 2 bottles of Perrys potion, Ms RightWing. Thank you.

Just today I used a Farmers Almanac remedy to make it rain. I used some oil of pre-soak, oil of soap and oil of water on my car probably about an hour and a half ago. Man that stuff works fast! *sigh*

Any lotions or potions in that book that'll make the Kedwards Klan go away--that would include Bennie half-whacked Affleck. Given his choices in flakey women, is he REALLY a good endorsement for Kedwards? hehehehe

***************************
* THE " MOORE " YOU TRY *
* *
* *
* THE LESS YOU SUCCEED *
* *
***************************

Well I think the most important fact that has been uncovered on this thread is that Hankmeister doesn't know who Paris Hilton is.. sorry Hank, but you can kiss any future as a democrat politician goodbye (and you thought you were well informed on the current issues which shape our lives ;)

Santini - I noticed that the Swiffer™ brand mop is using Devo's "Whip It" in their jingle ("Swiff it... Swiff it good"), so there is a cheap, easy and relatively painless way to find out what Devo sounds like.

Ms RightWing,
Your LTTE was excellent. One can tell you're a pro ,right to the point,not too little, not too much. It sounds as though this "head-full-of- mush " not only never had read Mark Twain, but she has never listened to Rush. So many the young think they already know everything.I "don't believe anything I hear,and only half of what I see."

"Bad economic news presses from all sides. The recovery is faltering. The stock market is in a funk. Consumers are being squeezed between stagnant incomes, rising costs of buying credit, and maxed-out credit cards.

Deficits of all kinds are growing. The federal budget deficit is projected at $5 trillion (that's trillion, as in 5,000,000,000,000) over the next 10 years. The federal government's unfunded liabilities, mainly for retirement and healthcare, are $72 trillion. This will show up later in budget deficits as the baby-boomer generation ages. The trade deficit - the difference between what the US exports and what it imports - was $46 billion in May, the latest month for which figures are available. That's a rate of $552 billion a year, the measure of the obligations to foreigners incurred by the US."

Thank you George Walker Bush

A citzen,
Oh, Woe is me! Woe is me! The sky is falling !The sky is falling. Why this is WORSE than the depression. Starving people line our streets, Homeless people are every where. There is no oil We're all going to freeze to death....huh? It's summer? Oh We're all going to get skin cancer from the sun.There are NO jobs The world is coming to an end....And and ... George Bush is Lying about it all. And the Joooooos own everything!!!!!!

Citizen , I neither know nor care what insane asylum you are a citizen of ,but you are wrong ,wrong wrong.Even the NYT has to admit ,things are better than they were in Clinton's first 2 years.And he only caused 9-11, He didn't have to deal with the aftermath. No one thought we would be doing this well,only 3 years after 9/11. So dry up and blow away.

And Citizen ,that 5 trillion you are so bug eyed about ,more than it's ever been ,but as a percentage of GNP LESS than many othe times.

♥+♪_CoLoRaDo KiT cAt_♪+♥ asked;

"Any lotions or potions in that book that'll make the Kedwards Klan go away--that would include Bennie half-whacked Affleck."

I am working on that as I speak, well type.

This book, I am sure is over a 1000 pages thick. I can't say for sure because it is broken down to several catagories, each with their numbered pages. But I have found a page on horse diseases.

One page talks about running a rubber hose down a chocking horses' throat. Now I heard about funnels in a mules behind, but, hmmm.

Credit card debt. Here's my secret plan to wipe it out:

When I am elected, each household will have a government appointed CFP in charge of managing their finances. This government financial planner will receive your paycheck, and only give you enough money so that you won't go into debt. Obviously you peasants don't know what to do with your own money.

Hey John Magic Beans Kerry , We already tried that under Clinton. The government still
didn't have enough money.

Those are facts prettyold. Do you have your head in the sand or a pot of makeup to cover your ugly old puss ?

If you think the facts are a lie then I suggest you contact The Christian Science Monitor and take it up with them. Most newspapers lie, but I think you can count on the CSM to keep their facts straight!

Do you suppose there is a receipt( my grandma 's word for recipe) in that book, Ms RightWing for a salve or ointment to rub on the" bustles" of T-ray and Mrs. Edwards. To get them a little more up-to-date.And BTW is that the only outfit T-ray owns? She's been wearing it for at least 5 days now.

Oh,yes , just like they tell me how to stay healthy. Ha ha ha ha. I know just how honest the Communist Science Monitor is. They are as Commie Lib as the NYT. And you don't know me and you don't know what I look like and I'm rubber and you're glue and everything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you ,UGLY!

Happy as could be that I don't know you...... B--ch !

"After much arguing and deliberation, historians this week have come up with a phrase to describe the Clinton Era. It will be called: SEX BETWEEN THE BUSHES."

Author unknown

Let's see, Rancitizen, the economy is in such a doldrums because . . .?

Let's, for the sake of argument, accept your premise that the ecomomy is in such awful shape. Explain to me which policies led to the fiscal crisis? Can you please explain to us poor, unedcuated Scrapplers what the President shall do to make everything all right? Shall he wave his magic wand and cure the ails of the economy? Shall he put a gun to the throat of those at the stock exchange to make stock prices soar? Must he go to the head of every business in America and slap them silly until they hire every last person in the United States?

Oh pleae enlighten us how one man can be responsible for such woe.

Of course no such woe exists. Unemployment rates are the same as they were when William Jefferson Clinton ran for re-election in 1996. Stock prices have slimped recently but are significantly higher than at the time of 9/11. The economy continues to accelerate, though at a diminished pace from earlier in the year - though that was also a time when the economy was expanding faster than it has in 20 years. Consumer confidence is growing, and the budeget deficit- though indeed a sore spot for this administration - is projected to diminish over the next five years.

Just some of the facts.

"and the budeget deficit- though indeed a sore spot for this administration - is projected to diminish over the next five years."

And that is true garbage first class ! And you think our gov't tells the truth ? C'mon now. The above is all true government mumbo jumbo for the dumb masses.

WOW! Way to ignore my questions, rancitizen, you are a true prodigy if you are not the original article.

And just because you state that the projections are garbage, "doesn't make it so."

"The Center for Disease Control in Atlanta announced that Clinton has proven that you can get sex from Aides."

Author unknown

Ms RightWing,

I say "hose" Kerry before we get hosed by him. First try the method on..oh...say, George Kommie King Soros though, just to see how well it might work.

Now re: the funnels in a mules behind. Trying that on a Socialist (formerly known as Dim)--- I guess that would effect their speech.

bahabuddha,

Query: How has knowing or knowing about Paris Hilton "shaped your life"? Inquiring minds want to know! Muwhahahahahahahaha!!!!

And is she the ditz who was doing the Green Acres® thing on the boob tube? If so, then television has really earned its nickname this time around!

" .....and who knows where those liberals have been?"

Watch where you sit in public places Marcus !

Oh my gosh, I am so shocked and hurt, no one ever called me a B--ch before . is that beech,? birch,? belch?,bench ?butch ?bloch? How original. And so dog- gone clever. And really ,really funny.NOT. You really don't have a clue about humor do you? And the funny thing is you don't know whether you know me or not.
But because I don't just swallow your lies you Hate me, not dislike,but blind bitter Hate . I am going to pray for you ,that God will come into your life and rid you of your bitterness.

A Citizen,

I seem to remember the same Democratic handwringing about the economy during the Reagan/Bush 41 years, yet those years created a potential economic tidal wave under Bill Clintons laisez faire presidency. Tell me, did you live through the Democrat Carter years with double-digit inflation, stagflation, malaise, double-digit mortgage rates? I did and I remember what a real bad economy is like.

What America is going through economically post-911 AND fighting a global war on terrorism doesn't hold a candle to the absolutely wretched economy of Democrat Jimmy Carter. An argument can be made that the Nixon price controls (a liberal idea btw) set the American economy up for a deep recession, but Carter's incompetence and lack of real leadership didn't help matters in the slightest during the late 1970s.

Besides, anyone who knows anything about economic realities and financial markets knows no single president or person can take credit either for a good economy or a "bad" economy. The American people drive the economy and it's far bigger than any one man or group of men/women to wreck...unless they impose even more burdensome taxes upon the people. So cut the self-serving blame game. You want to reduce the trade deficit, get your fellow Americans to stop buying foreign goods! Duh!

Funny I didn't hear you complain about the six trillion dollars that has been flushed down the John™ the last few decades under the misguided liberal notion that entitlements can improve the living standards of Americans. Now that was a total waste of taxpayers' money.

A $5 trillion federal deficit? My goodness. If only we had all those trillions of dollars back from those 40 years of failed Democrat social programs. *Slaps his facial cheeks "Home Alone" style*

Hank©
Don't feel bad I thought Paris Hilton was the name of a hotel. Hmmmmmmm I wonder if the number of men who heave slept ...err... Never mind.

"Tell me, did you live through the Democrat Carter years with double-digit inflation, stagflation, malaise, double-digit mortgage rates? I did and I remember what a real bad economy is like."

I also recall the economy going down the tubes with the Senior Bush, who had no idea what to do about it, so the voters sent him packing !

A** Citizen Bad economic news presses from all sides.
You should try checking your facts buddy. Like on the Treasury's website. As for insults, how about looking me up in Estacada, Oregon and try tossing a few my way. Coward
A former Marine, and full tour Vietnam Veteran.

A Citizen has to be a previous poster, probably a rancitizen as Da Zum surmised. Notice how quickly A Citizen went into the attack mode, particularly with regard to prettyold. They say familiarity breeds contempt and A Citizen was clearly liberally contemptuous.

So it's one of those bud/ran/quijote/alfred/ad nauseum posters trying to make a fresh go at it. If not, I'm surprised at the sheer hatred and cussedness of a person who comes here as a guest and starts slamming everyone for daring to question or chide them for their pretentious god-like intellect.

The above is all true government mumbo jumbo for the dumb masses.

I am just going to tell you this one more time. I am Not a mass,I am a human being. You can make a mass out of yourself if you want to , I don't care.

And wasn't there rather a large scandal about the Clinton admin about a bunch of "Fudged "financials reports coming out of gov't offices ,inflating low figures to make things look good,that later had to be "corrected"?

Hank, that was an excellent rebuttal, more measured and calm than my own. And notice how "a citizen" is unable to counter any of our claims, but instead throws in a potshot or two that is off topic and evades the question. Hmmmm, wonder who that sounds like.

I am not sure if this is Ranbutan, or one of the other many clones. Perhaps A citizen is related to "a voter?"

Mike S:

the scarykerry site? Nah, no need for your gun wish. Thank God, you've shown here you have much more sense than he does!

Bob: pretty funny!

I hope all of us will pass the sites shared on this thread around. Ain't the Net great?

Leaving it to the night crew. Y'all have fun! Well, I may check things out after mullings.com & WSTJournal, Best of the Web.......see ya'

We know it's not Ranbutan. The posts are way to short, and lack the intelligence. Just as boring though. You probably hit it with "related to a voter".

A Citizen,

Under Bush 41 it "went down the tubes" to the tune of all of about eighteen months. Also, the economy was in full recovery under Bush 41 for two full quarters before Clinton was sworn in on January 1992 but the liberal media refused to report the good economic news until the inauguration! How's that for timing?

I lived under Bush's so-called "double-dip recession" (thank you Al Bore) and it was nothing compared to the Carter years when I LOST MY JOB! Don't even think of jivin' Scrapplers here with your voodoo economic rants and your smoke and mirrors.

Oh, and go check the official economic figures the last three quarters of the Clinton Administration. And then notice how the liberal media refused to emphasize the growing indications that the last three successive quarters under Clinton in the year 2000 were recessionary, ergo Bush inherited a Clinton recession.

Oh, and the government "always" lies? I guess it lied under the Clinton administration too and you were living a pipedream thinking everything was so hunky dorey then, eh? You still want to play your your blame game?

No need for anything like guns. I also own a good belt.

That's the "last three quarters of the year 1999 ending in 2000". My editing error. Sorry for any confusion, fellow Scrapplers.

Crunchy Frog,
You are so cute when you do that McCauley Caulkin thing. Especially with those little frog feet making your eyes bug out that way.
Oh...sorry. I thought it was the pressure applied by your feet..or are those hands?.

*and now for a word from our sponsor:

3 legged dog walks into a saloon and announces:
"I'm looking for the man that shot my pa(w)"

A
The Christian Scientists are neither Christians nor Scientists . There is not one word of Christ in the ramblings and there voodoo medical practices are in no way scientific.And if their children get serious head injuries ,they rush them to the nearest Medical Center with REAL Doctors for treatment, such as surgery and meds.
Better get yourself a new Guru. Something New Age with Crystals.

Woops! I'm sorry if any of you regular Scrapplers are Christian Scientists,but I've had some bad experiences with them and some of these other phoney groups that get away with so much because everyone accepts them at face value, when many of thes orgs, have their own agenda, and it isn't always what is good for most of us here in AmeriCa.

Point of clarification: Are Christian Scientists and the Church of Scientology the same thing, or are they distinct churches?

CoL kC,
you are cracking me up with the frog stuff . Loved the Jump frog joke ,Sounds like most medical research ,to me! But we would never hurt our Crunchy Frog.

I couldn't sit this one out.

Here's an analysis by Robert Novak I found to counter A Citizen's shotgun accusations and backs up prettyold's contention that the Clinton Administration may have "cooked the books" with regard to the American economic health during the final years of his administration.

"The 2000 Commerce Department's Bureau of Economic Analysis quarterly estimates and revised figures showed profits were really lower by 10.7 percent, 12.2 percent, 15.2 percent and 18 percent for the four quarters of 1999 (under the Clinton Administration). In 2000, this gap became a chasm. The revised quarterly profits for the election year are lower than the announced figures by 23.3 percent, 25.9 percent, 29.9 percent and 28.2 percent.

Most startling, original estimates showed a generally rising profit outlook for the two years preceding the 2000 election. Starting with $503.7 billion in the last quarter of 1998, the quarterly estimates rose steadily to $543.8 billion in the fourth quarter of 1999 and then took off in the first two quarters of 2000 to $574.9 billion and $606.6 billion, leveling off to $602.9 billion in the third quarter before falling to $527.3 billion in the fourth quarter after the election.

Last week's revised returns reflect not only different numbers but a different trend starting at a much lower level of $473 billion. Profits actually fell through much of 2000, dropping from $449.7 billion to $422.4 billion for the second half before slipping to $372.8 billion.

How could there be this big of a discrepancy? How could the (Clinton) government have reported steadily rising profits when they actually peaked in 1998?

This resulted in headlines in 2000 spewing false information of corporate profits growing at 25 percent, bolstering the stock market and holding up the state of the economy as the election approached. That is the underpinning for the Democratic myth that a growing and vibrant American economy has been sabotaged by President Bush's tax cut."

The truth is getting harder to handle, isn't it A Citizen?

Colorado Kitty Cat - You mean I'm not cute all the time...wait, don't answer that. In fact, I had you in mind when I specified "facial cheeks", since I figured you would've been all over that one had I not clarified the issue. Hands? Feet? Who cares? When you can use your tongue as an emergency back scratcher, those sorts of trivialities just don't cross the mind (especially if your back really itches).

Da Zumm inator,
I'm pretty sure they are not the same ,but I wouldn't swear to it.. Mainly the CS do not actually have Churches, but they have "Reading Rooms" Where you can go and read about all sorts of things like Politics. And they always have their own reporters at important press conferences,and they have this little NewsPaper they put out. It is supposed to be so much more trustworthy than Other papers, but it is very Left Wing. Scientology is Left ,too, and have been known to kill folks who leave thee church.

*Beams at prettyold.* I appreciate your willingness to not wish bodily harm upon me. That's one of several qualities I look for in potential friends.

It's going to get worse before it gets better...

The Soros Hired Internet Trolls have been deployed, intent on quashing any reasonable debate before the election -- using outright lies when convenient. Any attempts to present an informed argument on a blog will be futile for the next three months.

Fear not. My personal research indicates that there is not a single -- NOT ONE -- so called 'Swing Voter' capable of using the internet or has an inkling of a clue as to what a 'Blog' even is. These mouth-breathers will decide on Super Tuesday which candidate has the best hair and hottest daughters and vote accordingly.

So sit back, relax and enjoy the countdown to Dukakis II - Election Boogaloo.

BTW - A Citizen... "YOUR MAMA!"

Isn't the Church of Scientology a big draw for the Hollywood crowd? I believe I've heard that Sharon Stone, among others, have "found religion" therein.

As a sidenote, my brother sometimes attends a Christian church in So. Cal. where "Weird Al" Yankovic is the song leader.

I find Kerryism to be a hard disease to treat. Dr. T.J. Ritter states it may be inherited sanity. It is caused by high living and fast society and dissipation of the parents. Elbert Hubbard says of those who waste their substance upon a certain fashionable hotel air that they are apt "to have gout at one end, general paresis (insanity caused by syphilitic alteration of the brain that leads to dementia and paralysis -- called also general paralysis of the insane) at the other and Bright's disease (liver disease) in the middle.

There is no cure for such but sweating may remove certain toxins from their system. This is accomplished by boiling 20 ears of corn for half an hour then take them out and wrap them in a towel and place on strategic body locations. This will be uncomfortable for a spell but soon the soothing moist sweat will appear. Likely what Kerry was doing with the corn.

The doctor also recommends giving saltwater to someone who appears stupid from a fall.

As far as patent medicines go, I think Van Buskirk's Fragrant Sozodont may prove slightly beneficial. I am assuming he has tried Seven Sutherland's Sisters' Hair Grower with splendid results.

Basically, I believe what we have here is a disease that neither doctor nor veterinarian has much hope for a cure. Tereza may have actually contacted this disease during her youth in Africa.
I will continue this research and perhaps with Dr Hardens discerning viewpoint we may have a breakthrough, but unlikely.

To get the stench of a certain leetle stinkin ' Troll out of my nostrils,I gotta sing.Stand Back

Politician Such as Thee

to the tune of Trees


I think that I shall never see,
A politician such as thee,
A John whose greedy hands grab hold,
of others inherited gold,
A John that bores us, til we're numb,
Because he served in Vietnam.


A John whose face had as its source,
His uncle "Mr.Ed", the horse.
A John who once a lawyer was,
Then in the Senate showed his flaws,
Money is Allocated by fools like he,
While he taxes us into poverty.

I must admit, I don't mind the trolls because so many of you give such well- informed responses. After visiting the pathetic Atrios sight where the comments would make a parent weep, I am relieved to be back in the land of the thinking.

A citizen may not be Ran, but the nasty attack was a dead-on imitation.

Mike S.

I don't know if you were an officer, but you are definitely a gentleman.

I sure hoipe I didn't hurt your ears ,I have to get pretty high on that Allocated.

AirForceBrat,
Thank You.
Had the opportunity to become and officer, but the job had the highest mortality rate in the Marines. About 90%. Opted for electronics instead.

Can you imagine how much fun it would be to go to a church where Wierd Al is the sone leader? I wonder if they do real Hymns or he lets them do some Parodies?Some Hymns lend themselves all too readily to parody. We used to sing "feasting on Bananas"in Dwelling in Beulah Land, Hey I was just a little kid then.

Reuters is reporting M Moores film is being shown on Cuban TV. Still think he is a great American?

Off topic, but score one for our side.
http://www.alliancedefensefund.org/story/?id=466
or just click on my name.

prettyold - To hear my brother tell it, Al plays it straight (no "In the Garden of Eden" to the tune of "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" ala The Simpsons). And since it is actually a Church of Christ (not to be confused with The Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints), there are no musical instruments used during the song service. So, no "Amazing Grace" accordian solos.

Sir Johnny, if you are lurking, you got mail.

bahabuddha™:

You said: "...the Swiffer™ brand mop is using Devo's "Whip It" in their jingle ("Swiff it... Swiff it good"), so there is a cheap, easy and relatively painless way to find out what Devo sounds like."

Whoa--hold me back! I don't know how to react to that piece of info, but, given the artist and the song title, I think CKC's Shi Tzu doggie's flatulence might be appropriate....§[:-)]

Ms RightWing©:

I'm glad to hear of your new, custom, all-the-bells-and-whistles, street-legal walker! When you're added to it, it will also possess a heart the size of a bored-out Chevy 327 V-8 with 3 2's [VROOM, VROOM, VROOM, sound of burning rubber, loud rev's....] Pedal to the metal!

citizen:

Your well-reasoned, measured posts and related name-calling prove you're a ShiTzu doggie.

I'm with Mike S, you low-life coward. I'd love an opportunity to make you look like the Hunchback of Notre Dame--by kicking your sorry @$$ up between your shoulders. C'mon down here (Sacramento, CA), and looke me up. I'd be happy to augment his efforts. I'm older, so it'll be a fair fight.

A great quote.

"If you chase down a Viet Cong and kill him -- which is, granted, very admirable -- does that ipso facto qualify you to be president of the United States? If so, let's find a guy who killed more Viet Cong than John Kerry, since he would be an even better president." --Rich Lowry

Shoot, it's too bad Audie Murphey is dead. He'd be too old even if he was alive, but I think he killed more Germans than Sgt. York.

What??? No "Gladly the Cross-eyed Bear??

Scientology was founded by L. Ron Hubbard who also dabbled in science fiction writing. Tom Cruise is one of the famous adherents of this "faith". Google Scientology to get the details. I ran into these people back in the 1970s during my college years. Very strange people and teachings. Maybe it has changed some over the years.

The Christian Scientists movements was started by Mary Baker Eddy (or was it Mary Eddy Baker?) around 1880 or so. I used to be up on most of the details about these two cults/sects (like prettyold, sorry if I've offended anyone but these two "faiths" really aren't orthodox or part of historically mainstream Christianity by a long shot) but I've let it lapse over the years.

I think Ms. Eddy herself suffered from numerous ailments and took any number of medications and she wore very thick glasses as well. Interesting that the founder of a self-healing movement would have such medical problems.

Eddy taught since God is absolutely good and perfect, disease, sin and death could not be of Him. Therefore, these flaws in human existence cannot be truly real. The material world is in effect an illusion, a mixture of spiritual truth and material "error" which could only be addressed through a higher spiritual "understanding" (of which only Eddy could dispense) of the true nature of man and God. Christian Scientists also deny Jesus is the unique Messiah. Thus they deny the propitious (satisfactory) and substitutionary sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the Cross for whosoever believeth.

Great Santini,
I hate it when people compare a disease like "A Citizen" to a really nice dog( although I know you spelled it differently). These Trolls are not animals ,they are terrible illnesses like smallpox and Typhoid. They are fatal if left untreated,and extremely contageous unless steps are taken early. Luckily we here at Scrappleface have the preventative and the antidote if those sickies will just ask us and LISTEN.

Great Santini,
Smallpox and Typhoid? Probably more like a bad case of the crabs. Requires stupidity to get, but easly gotten rid of.

Check out this website (http://humaneventsonline.com.edgesuite.net/unfit_video_wmv.html) which gives a sneak audio preview of an anti-Kerry political advertisement put out by veterans who served with John Kerry! You can click on my name, too.

Every now and then for reasosn I am not even sure of - perhaps self-flagellation - I venture onto the Democratic Underground blog. There are people on there who actually believe that the 9/11 attacks were a conspiracy- and they have the evidence to prove it. Evidently there is a tape called In Plane Site or something which shows that the planes that hit the Towers were cargo planes without passengers, and that the Pentagon was hit with Bunker Busters.

Yes, that's right. And what about all the passengers on those planes? Well, there's no explanation for that given by the lunatics, it's just something that will have to be discovered later.

I cannot believe that there are people out there that can actually subscribe to such a theory. To be fair, most of the other folks on there are totally debunking the few freaks, but that anyone could actually give serious credence to such a theory is truly disheartening.

God bless the USA and the freedom to be completely irrational.

I recently pulled down from my bookshelf The Treasured Writings of Kahlil Gibran and often find beauty in his words. Thisis one I read this evening.

The Two Cities

Life took me up on her wings and bore me to the top of Mount Youth. Then she beckoned me and pointed behind her. I looked back and saw a strange city, from which rose dark smoke of many hues moving slowly like phantoms. A thin cloud almost hid the city from my gaze.

After a moment of silence, I exclaimed: "What is this I see, Life?"
And Life answered: "This is the City of the Past. Look upon it and ponder."

And I glazed upon this wonderful scene and I saw many objects and sights; halls built for action, standing giant-like beneath the wings of Slumber; temples of talk which around it hovered spirits at once crying in despair, and singing songs of hope. I saw churches built by Faith and destroyed by Doubt. I spied minarets of Thought, lifting the spires like upraised arms of beggars; I saw avenues of Desire stretching like rivers through valleys; storehouses of secrets guarded by sentinels of Concealment and pillaged by thieves of Disclosure: towers of strength raised by Valor and demolished by Fear; shrines of Dreams, embellished with slumber and destroyed by Wakefulness; slight huts inhabited by Weakness; mosques of Solitude and self-denial; institutions of learning lighted by Intelligence and darkened by Ignorance; taverns of Love, where lovers became drunk and Emptiness mocked at them; theaters upon whose boards Life acted out its play, and Death rounded out life's tragedies.

Such is the city of the past—in appearance far away, though in reality nearby—visible, though barely, through the dark clouds.

Then life beckoned to me and said. "Follow me. We have tarried here too long." And I replied, :Whither are we going life?"

And life said, "We are going to the City of the Future."

And I said, "Have pity on me, Life, I am weary, and my feet are bruised and the strength is gone out of me."

But Life replied, "March on, my friend. Tarrying is cowardice. To remain forever gazing upon the City of the Past is folly. Behold, the City of the Future beckons..."

Good evenig

National Anthem

silence (and yes RAM, I have gone to bed!)

whaaaa whaaaaa whaaaaa!
My witty pithy potht wath thzapped outt thyberthpathe thum 2 hourth ago cuthz of the thunderthtorm...and then there wath the thubthuquent 2 hour power outage.

OK....I'm back to "normal" now. I know how Sylvester cat got the way he is though. Lightning strike!

It was fun lying on the bed with the now NON bowel windy doggie, watching the lightning outside and listening to the thunder and rain

I had something for Baha, Crunchy Frog, Pretty Old and if I am so inclined and find it necessary to reconstruct and repeat, I will do so.

BTW---John Travolta, Kirstie Alley also subscribe to L Ron (is it hot where you are now?)Hubbards whacked out Sci-Fientology. Uncanny that people who pretend for a living own so much real estate in la la land, eh?

Speaking of la la land: Given the atheist supporter/anti-pledge "Religion Advisor" picked by John Fraud "all things to all men"/for & against/both sides now/ husband of "shove it" Kerry, I am encouraged about the likelihood of him selecting me as his neurologist.

"The Amazing Race"™--who will be first to be committed to Bellevue? Al Gore or J F-n Kerry? sheesh!

MOST importantly: Santini--I don't believe you intentionally spoke ill of my MOST adorable, MOST sweet, MOST fun Shih Tzu girl doggie. Perhaps it was a senior moment or just a lapse in judgement. Because I know you pretty well, I am not offended, yet I MUST speak up in behalf of my most "Perfect One" (that's what her name means..hehehe) and say it was completely out of line for you to compare my most enjoyable, pleasant, EXTREMELY ADORABLE, loving, SWEEEEEET, cutest dog in the world fur child (despite the occasional "poot") to a bitter, synical, miserable, naysaying, snivelling, angry, hate filled, dis-eased troll.

That would be comparable to comparing Ben & Jerrys Cherry Garcia Ice Cream™ (Mitzi) to Fleets™
Castor Oil,Spam, Brussel Sprouts,Chocolate chunk, Vienna Sausage Swirl ice cream(troll). (-;)

Teresa Heinz Kerry haiku:

I am quite sexy,
she says, though the evidence
suggests otherwise.

I am quite wealthy,
she says, and the evidence
supports her story.

I am quite thoughtful,
she says, and the help curtsy
and say, yes, my liege.

THE MOTHER IS NOT PLEASED! You republiscam robber-barons have defiled the Mother, have strip-mined Her flesh, drilled into Her veins, burned Her hair(forests), plumbed Her wombs(caves), melted Her blood and darkened Her lungs (the atmosphere). STOP! CEASE & DESIST! You must not treat your Mother so!

Reparations for African-Americans must proceed with emergency speed! Four hundred years of servitude have placed people of color at a severe disadvantage.

The misguided trailer trash of Missouri have tried to place the gay marriage genie back in the bottle. Won't happen! We're here, we're queer, get used to it!! The Mother created Adam & Eve AND Adam & Steve! The only true Feminist is a lesbian!

Lisa Lisa Lisa,

Don't you have to follow a certain dosage of medicinal marijuana or is it just a free for all?

Father knows best how to treat MOTHER. As some of His kids have discovered.

I guess you could just call it a "word to the muthuh'"

Now go shave your legs Lisa, unless, of course, your husband would think you a girlie man for doing so.

E.L.F. Soldier was looking for you earlier. He's out selling Girl Scout cookies this week,though.