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| "This is a good blog. This is the best blog. It is about god and the universe and those horrible screaming monkeys and that time I made a pizza out of an old tire and a can of whip cream. It is the Fafblog." - Fafnir on Fafblog |
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Fafblog picture of the week |
Monday, July 26, 2004
an now the conclusion
"Wow that sure was some crazy series of wild adventures we had while we were on break these last thirteen days wasn't it Giblets!" says me sittin on the bus to Giblets. "Unnngh," says Giblets. "Giblets should never have eaten those twenty-seven cans of raw tuna." "An now here we are on our way to the Democratic National Convention as accredited bloggers!" says me. "We are at the forefront of the New Media Cutting-Edge Media Thing Media Giblets!" "Giblets feels green an scaly," says Giblets. "Sickly oils swirl about him in sinister hues. I am bloated to the gills with omega-3 fatty acids! To the gills I say!" "An important non-bloggy people like Tim Russert an Sam Donaldson an Jesus will be there goin 'Fafnir tell us about the internet an how you write on the internet an how it is all different on the internet an how you are made of the internet' an it will be all so interestin," says me. "Giblets wants to sleep," Giblets says. "But bloated an sickly as he is, he is vulnerable to his enemies. His soft underbelly is exposed to the likes of the French an the Pope an large cats." "An of course there will be the cocktail weenies," says me. "We must be wary," says Giblets. "Yes," says me. "The cocktail weenies are not to be trusted." The bus passes a very large fiberglass Big Boy an there is Boston ahead. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 7:12 PM
last time, on Fafblog!
"...six cans of raw tuna... mmph hmmph schmh... seven cans of raw tuna..." "Follow that car!" "That car is a squirrel." "Follow that squirrel!" "That squirrel is a rock." "Follow that rock!" "We're standing on it. We're standing on the rock." "...eighteen cans of raw tuna... errrmph.... mmerrmph... guh... nineteen cans of raw tuna... unnnfff... guunnfh..." "Very clever, Mister Fafnir. But can you escape this very, very slow-moving laser while you are loosely tied to this wobbly table and I explain via monitor my evil plan for world domination? Mwa-hahahaha..." KA-BOOOOOOOM! "Wow... that's a cool sound effect!" "Yeah, I've got like a million of those." KA-BOOOOOOOM! "Man I could just sit around playin the Kaboom effect forever!" KA-BOOOOOOOM! "Try the tap-dancing cow." tappity-tappity-mmMMOOOOO-tappity-tappity "...twenty-three cans... urrggh... of raw tuna... unnnffh... urrrrmff... urrrgle... aw, crud." ¶ posted by Fafnir at 6:32 PM Tuesday, July 13, 2004
cliffhanger!
Giblets is lookin angry an there is so much to do. "Giblets is angry!" says Giblets. "Giblets is angry because nobody understands Giblets an his vast Gibletsian needs! Giblets is people too!" "Giblets we are sposed to be workin on the Super Top Secret Special Project What Is Really Secret An Special with the Medium Lobster," says me. "Giblets cares not for the Super Top Secret Special Project What Is Really Secret An Special!" says Giblets. "Giblets is only interested in Giblets-related Giblets activites that properly fulfill his Gibletshood! An if people here do not understand that then GIBLETS IS RUNNIN AWAY!" "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! "Yes Giblets is runnin away," says Giblets, "to find some public square for Giblets, where Gibletses can interact, debate an share information on a wide variety of Gibletsian issues. To provide a voice for mainstream Giblets an articulate the deeply held ideals of a free and virtuous Giblets." "Giblets you are bein a crazy Giblets an you should stay here while I take care a the teapot an come back to talk you outta your craziness," says me. "You will only have until I finish eatin this raw tuna," says Giblets. "These twenty-eight cans of raw tuna." So I am runnin up the stairs to the teapot when out of the wall comes Santa! "Oh no Santa what are you doin here!" says me. "It is not Christmastime yet!" "It's Christmas in July!" says Santa lickin his sharp metal pointy Santa teeth. "And I've come to devour good little Fafnirs! Have you been a good little Fafnir this year?" "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! "But I will let you live if you can answer the dark and insoluble mystery of Santa's Riddle!" says Santa. "Okay Santa I am not very good at riddles but I will try!" says Fafnir. "Alright, lessee here..." says Santa. "Which one was it... was it the one about the moose and the three monkeys, or the one with the fox and the chickn and the river, or the one with the..." "Santa I gotta go cause I gotta talk Giblets outta runnin away an the teapot is boilin an if somethin doesnt happen soon it could wreck the burner," says me. "Or the rhyming one about Time, or the one about pocketses..." So I run into the kitchen but who is waitin for me but our evil alternate negaverse twins Fut's-Lung an Mutton! "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! "Evil alternate negapeople what are you doin here!" says me. "Ho ho ho Fafnir!" says Fut's-Lung "It is too late by now we have done all kindsa evil things! An we dont feel like tellin you what they are." "Roam free before Mutton!" says Mutton. "Roam free before Mutton NOOOOOOOW!" "Are they secret evil things I will never discover ever?" says me. "Well for a start you know your Piñata Of Peace?" says Fut's-Lung. "Yes my piñata that I filled with peace so when folks break it open they go 'oh we will now eat delicious candy' an then peace comes out an everybody associates peace with the delicious goodness of candy so everyone will love peace?" says me. "Yes that Piñata Of Peace," says Fut's-Lung. "I like it it is a very beautiful piñata," says me. "Well we filled it with WAR!" says Fut's-Lung. "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! "Make freedom for Mutton!" says Mutton. "Repeal tarrifs." "Fut's-Lung and Mutton you are evil and alternate and wrong!" says me. "An we did more than that!" says Fut's-Lung. "We have replaced half of all the furniture an appliances in your house with evil robots which look just like furniture!" "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! "Since our universe is the opposite of yours all our furniture is made of evil robots," says Fut's-Lung. "Because none of the furniture in your universe is made of them." "That makes a lot of sense," says me. "What do you use instead of evil robots?" "Barcaloungers," says Mutton. "How good are they?" says me. "Eh," says Fut's-Lung. "Fut's-Lung an Mutton I would love to stay an chat about your evil but Santa's tryin to eat me an Giblets is tryin to run away an the teapot is boilin an I really gotta take care of some things first," says me. An then Chris shows up an he is NOT EATIN CHICKEN. "Oh no!" DUHN-DUHN-DUHN! Is furniture really more effective than robots? Will there ever be a proper forum for Giblets an the Giblets-minded majority to gather an share Gibletsian viewpoints? Is Chris a vegetarian now or what? Tune into Fafblog after a break of several days time to find out! ¶ posted by Fafnir at 11:24 PM
A Serious Philosophical Discussion on Utilitarianism versus Deontology
Welcome to yet another Fafblog Serious Philosophical Discussion! Like before we will do this as a Socratic-style dialogue between me an Giblets, the better to arrive at Deeper Truths. FAFNIR: Why hello Giblets! I see you are almost fully immersed in a bowl of ham jello. GIBLETS: Unnngh... Giblets is in such pain. FAF.: Oh no Giblets! You have not been eatin pork to painful excess again have you? GIBS.: Giblets does it... GLLGGLL... for national greatness. He stuffs himself with liquid ham... for the glory of the republic! FAF.: But Giblets does the end always justify the means? For example say there is a man stuck in the opening of a mine shaft. GIBS.: How would a man get stuck in a mine shaft? Mine shafts are huge. FAF.: Well lets say he's a big fat man stuck in a mine shaft an there are like a dozen other people trapped in there because the fat man he is just so fat. GIBS.: This is an improbably fat man we are talkin about. FAF.: Maybe he has been eatin ham jello. For the glory of the republic. GIBS.: Then he can stuff off. This is Giblets's ham jello. FAF.: Anyway the question is should we blow up the fat man if there is no other way to get him out of the mine shaft to free the trapped an starving people inside when we know that blowin up the fat man is cruel murder? GIBS.: Ha! I'd like to see you try! The explosives'll just make the mine shaft collapse an squish everyone inside. FAF.: Giiiiblets, you're ruinin my moral dileeeema. GIBS.: The real solution is to keep the starvin people inside the shaft alive by eatin the fat man. Problem solved. FAF.: But Giblets what if in killin the fat man you are motivated not by the duty of savin the trapped people but by petty hatred of the fat man? GIBS.: Then in that case Giblets is bein efficient. Two birds with one stone. FAF.: OK but what if instead of a fat man there is a natural disaster trapped in the mine shaft like a tsunami or a comet? GIBS.: There is a comet trapped in the mine shaft? FAF.: Yeah cause yknow we want to say that from a utilitarian stanpoint that natural disasters are bad because of their large negative impact on people but they also have no motivations so we cant judge them from the point of "why did you blow up the dinosaurs comet it was against principles of higher justice." GIBS.: Nah, I think the comet's just the fat man again. Just a really really fat man on fire. FAF.: Sorta in disguise huh? Pretty sneaky! GIBS.: Fat men are crafty, always tryin to steal Giblets's ham jello. FAF.: But what if in order to save the starvin people in the mine shaft you have to give them your ham jello Giblets? GIBS.: But that would be wrong. It is Giblets's ham jello. FAF.: I am sorry Giblets they are starvin. GIBS.: But it is Giblets's! Feed them somethin else like the fat man or horses or straw. FAF.: There is nothin else to feed them Giblets. It has all been stolen. GIBS.: But - FAF.: By aliens. GIBS.: But Giblets's ham jello is Giblets's ham jello! It is Giblets's an it is Giblets's forever! FAF.: Cmon Giblets give it up. GIBS.: You give it up! FAF.: Ouch! Quit it! GIBS.: You quit it! FAF.: You quit it! GIBS.: AHHHH! Stop it! ¶ posted by Fafnir at 10:36 AM Monday, July 12, 2004
In order to save Democracy, we have to burn it
The Medium Lobster is pleased to see that serious action is finally being considered to give a four-person committee the power to postpone the presidential election. For, in the event of a terrorist attack on or around Election Day, it would be dangerous - nay, undemocratic - to allow American citizens to vote while under the dark and panicking influence of the enemies of freedom. And yet the Medium Lobster is not certain that postponement in just such an event goes far enough. After all, America cannot allow its election to be disrupted by any terrorist act, and wouldn't a major terrorist strike in Iraq or Saudi Arabia also raise that disrupting level of panic in the American voter's consciousness? For if Americans vote based on the nefarious and evil actions of Abu Musab Zarqawi, haven't we allowed the terrorists to win? But this points to an even greater dilemma: while one may prepare for a terrorist attack at home or abroad and the affect it may have upon the electoral process, one cannot prepare for the possibility of a terrorist attack at home or abroad and the affect it may have on the electoral process. Once one takes this into account, events such as the State Department's report detailing a sharp increase in terrorism for 2003 are themselves cause for putting off the election. As long as the voting public believes that somewhere, somehow, terrorists may strike at a vulnerability within the nation, their votes will be darkly influenced by concern for that vulnerability, and once again, America will be voting under the influence of bin Laden and his murderous fellow travelers. Indeed, as long as the United States grapples with the forces of terrorism, the shadow of Terror Itself will hang over the democratic process, infecting and poisoning it at the most fundamental levels. Can America allow itself to carry on any presidential election, knowing that its outcome may be influenced by the existence of terror, until Terror is, at long last, finally defeated? The answer, my friends, is a most resounding "no." Remember, after all, that in these days it is the darkest enemies of democracy we face, and in the war to defeat them, we cannot let democracy stand in the way. ¶ posted by Medium Lobster at 9:29 AM Sunday, July 11, 2004
a flood of intelligence
So Chris comes home an the basement is flooded. He's kinda upset. "What happened?" he says. "The washin machine broke Chris," says Giblets. "It's true," says me. "The washin machine is a very broken machine." "But don't worry," says Giblets. "We recognized the gravity of the situation, formed an investigatory committee, an came up with a report on the failure of the washin machine." Chris opens up the washin machine while the plumber drains the basement. The marbles start all spillin out. "This thing's filled with marbles!" he says. "Did you guys try to wash a full load of marbles here?!" "Okay, see Chris, this is why we wrote the report," says me holdin up the report. "Yeah Chris," says Giblets. "The report lays things out in a much more even-handed fashion." "We didn't approach the question of whether marbles were put into machines," says me, "although we concede there may have existed a highly marble-putting-into-ey environment." Chris starts gettin madder an goes on about "look I just wanna know who broke my washin machine blah blah" which is not resolvin the larger issue of universal washin machine failure. "Chris what we are dealin with here is a structural problem," says me. "Yeah," says Giblets. "The washin machine proves susceptible to 'groupbreak,' which is like breaking, but in a group." "It doesnt hold up to the tough pressures of the modern washin environment," says me. "Like for example a load of marbles," says Giblets. "It's really a very tricky situation an I for one am very glad we figured this out," says me. Chris is kinda holdin his head a little and does not look that happy so we get to the solution in the hopes that'll cheer him up. "Our conclusion at the end of the report is to buy a new washin machine," says me. "Preferably one that can wash a ton of marbles," says Giblets. Chris starts makin funny noises. I pat him reassuringly on the head an the plumber picks some marbles out of the drain. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 5:36 PM
How could you lie to me so, Joe Wilson!
Fafnir is a broken-hearted Fafnir. For I was deceived. Deceived by the story of Joe Wilson who as it turns out lied about absolutely everything he said to anyone ever because there in the Washington Post last Saturday exists definitive proof that somebody somewhere has said that his wife, exposed CIA agent Valerie Plame, got him his job checking out if Saddam Hussein had tried to buy uranium from Niger. Poor foolish Fafnir! I had thought somehow this was all about how exposing the identity of a covert CIA agent is a federal crime but apparently it is really about how her husband is a big fat jerk who got a job by ridin his wife's coattails. I don't quite understand what that has to do with a criminal investigation but hipublican intellectual Jonah Goldberg does so that's OK.* In the meantime because I was tricked into believin in Joe Wilson, I also believed that Saddam Hussein's nuclear program didnt exist when in fact it must have because Joe Wilson got his job from his wife! Even now I am trembling in fear in the knowledge that somewhere out there Saddam Hussein is sittin on a giant pile of Nigerien yellowcake uranium. "Ho ho ho," laughs Saddam Hussein as he takes a bite of rich, creamy uranium. "Soon I will grow ten thousand times my current size, spewing radioactive fire breath across Mesopotamia, until as Nuculo-Saddam I shall control the Middle East!" "Oh no Saddam don't do that!" I say. "It is too late!" he laughs. "And I owe it all to you, Fafnir - to you and all the other hapless peaceniks deceived by the nepotism of Joseph and Valerie Plame-Wilson!" Oh no! Whatever will we do? *Joe Wilson could learn a lot from Jonah in fact. With his deep intellectual honesty an cutting-edge use of Simpsons references it is easy to see why Jonah Goldberg didnt need nepotism to get him where he is today. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 3:32 PM
fafblog after the rain
So me an Giblets an the bowl of frosted flakes an bananas are stuck sittin on top of the dryer talkin. "Harrumph," says Giblets. "Think Chris'll be mad?" says me. "Why should he be?" says Giblets. "Not our fault the basement flooded. It's God's. He knew what was gonna happen when we put all those marbles in the washin machine an he didnt do squat." "That's very true," says me. "Foreknowledge is fore-responsibility. For shame, God." "I don't think Chris will believe it," says Giblets. "Chris does not believe in God." "I don't understand why," says me. "There is plenty of anecdotal evidence like the Jesus tortilla." "Does God really look like Jesus or does God really look like the tortilla?" says Giblets. "The Catholic Church has informed me in numerous paintins that God is a really big ol man in the sky with a beard," says me. "That is absurd," says Giblets. "Everyone knows that God is a really big ol rabbit in the sky with a beard." "Very true," says me. "There is plenty of anecdotal evidence." "We must attend to survival," says Giblets. "One of us must be eaten so the rest of us can survive." "Oh no!" says me. "Cannibalism!" "It is tough but all in the name of survival," says Giblets."Now I think we should set up a fair an equitable system for this. The person who is most made of milk and sugared cereal should be eaten first by the other two." "Wait a minute Giblets!" says me grabbin protectively at the bowl of frosted flakes an bananas. "I see what you are up to! This is another cynical ploy to eat one of my friends who happens to be made of food!" "All I am tryin to do is y'know make sure we do not all starve," says Giblets, "an that the ones of us who do not starve do not have to eat soggy cereal. But if you like we will draw straws which will be more fair." "All right I will agree to that," says me. "The one who picks the short straw will get eaten," says Giblets. "You an me will pick the long straws first." "Okay," says me. "Wait a minute Giblets! I see what you are up to!" "Harrumph," says Giblets. An the great river of life washes on through our lives an through our basement. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 2:29 PM Saturday, July 10, 2004
Ralph Nader: THE FAFBLOG INTERVIEW!
Ralph Nader has been in the news a lot lately what with his independent run for president an his recent debate with Howard Dean on NPR. Recently he let me interview him for Fafblog (how do we keep gettin all these big names? it is amazin let me tell you!). Here is the whole thing: FAFBLOG: Ralph Nader it is great to see you again an may I just say that is a cool sock puppet you got there! RALPH NADER: That's no sock puppet! That's Mister Winkles, my running mate! SOCK PUPPET: I looooove Nadah! NADER: After years of cold betrayal at the hands of the real corporate puppets like the Democrats and the Greens and my former staff, I've finally found a partnership I can trust in Nader-Winkles! PUPPET: Nadah-Winkles forevah! I'm maaaaade of candy! FB: Ralph Nader some people say you are a spoiler. NADER: You can't spoil milk if it's already been spoiled! FB: Hahaha! It's funny because we're usin two completely different versions of the word spoil! PUPPET: Nadah is a comic genius! FB: But Ralph Nader they say you are goin to get George Bush elected again by takin votes away from John Kerry. NADER: Wrong. I'm in this race to help John Kerry get elected by taking votes away from George Bush! FB: Ohhhhhhhhhh! Well they've got it totally backwards then! NADER: Of course they do! In fact, there's a ton of conservatives out there who are itching to vote for a candidate who'll fight for broad legalization of gay marriage, universal single-payer health care, and a living wage! PUPPET: Right-wing Republicans looooooove Nadah! FB: That would probably explain why so many right-wing groups are tryin to get you on the ballot Ralph. Cause a the gay marriage stuff. NADER: That's a total lie! I've never heard of those groups and those stories have been concocted by liberal elites to smear my good name! FB: Oh no! Not liberal elites! NADER: They're ruining this country, Fafnir, and Ralph Nader won't stand for them! FB: Now Ralph in 2000 you said Al Gore an George Bush were pretty much the same. NADER: Tweedledum and Tweedledumber! FB: Hehehe! That still cracks me up it's so good. PUPPET: Comedy gold! FB: Now we are a year an a half into a war with Iraq an there are serious indications that the torture situation comin out of places like Abu Ghraib was in some way the result of administration policy. Do you still think Al Gore would have been just as bad? NADER: Of course! They both take money from their corporate puppetmasters and we all know that General Motors and Microsoft are nothing but corrupt outcroppings of the well-funded corporate pro-torture lobby! PUPPET: Al Gore uses Nike-brand thumbscrews on children! I seen it! FB: Wow, I never thought about it that way! Now Howard Dean has criticized you for takin money from a Republican corporate lobbyist. NADER: Howard Dean was an insurgent, now he's a detergent! FB: Hohoho! I don't get that one. NADER: Listen: it's all very simple. When Democrats take dirty corporate money from dirty corporations, it taints them irrevocably. When I take money from the same corporations, I eat it and then excrete it in the form of pure white energy which then is added to my aura of holy goodness which I will than use to fight those corporations. FB: Wow! That's amazing! Why should Americans vote for you Ralph Nader instead of say the Constitution Party or the Netocratic Party? NADER: Because I am the only man in America who can prevent intenational corporations from inserting wires into the brains of our nation's youth - and owning them forever! FB: America owes you such a debt Ralph Nader! NADER: I made tupperware safe, god dammit! And I'm going to make America safe! PUPPET: And screw the Democrats in a decades-old personal spitefest! NADER: [throwing PUPPET to the ground] God damn you! I thought I could trust you! And now you, you of all people, have betrayed me! FB: Um. NADER: [stomping on PUPPET] God damn you! God damn you all to hell! ¶ posted by Fafnir at 2:45 PM
wake up
Katherine from Obsidian Wings is leavin Planet Blog in her rocket powered spaceship to Earth but she has left behind one last post on torture an American human rights abuses in the war on terror. It is a very good post an you all should read it. "But Fafnir I do not want to read about torture" you say because you are a lazy whining person. "I want to read about gumdrops an rainbows and Presidents who are made of gumdrops an rainbows an use them to blow up the terrorists." No you should really read it it is a very important issue now go or I will have Giblets hit you with the waffle again. "Blah blah blah torture, blah blah blah human rights. I like watchin things blow up on television, it gives me a feelin of comfy security, readin about human rights violations makes me feel bad." That does it, Im tellin Giblets to go get the waffle! He's gettin the waffle now! "Okay Fafnir I will do whatever you say just so long as Giblets an the waffle are not involved!" It's so easy to kind of sweep it all under your brain an think "Well theres nothin more to be said an nothin more to think about it" cause let's face it nobody wants to think about their government participating in horror. An right now the level of torture talk has gone from "Torture: Bad!" to "Torture: Bad, But Not As Bad As Saddam Hussein" to "Torture: Bad, But What About Ticking Bombs?" to "Torture: Bad, But Not Necessarily Proof That The People Who Ordered Torture Are Bad" to "Torture: We Still Talkin Bout Torture?" to "Torture: Bad?" An before we get to "Torture: Sorta Like Mowin Your Lawn" I think we should try as hard as we can to wake up. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 11:07 AM Thursday, July 08, 2004
Friday pie-blogging: deadly Thursday edition
Interesting Idea
Sebastian Holsclaw is Giblets's new favorite blogger. He has an interesting idea, by way of Jonah Goldberg. The interesting idea, see, is that if Michael Moore uses half-truths and innuendo to make his points but is pretty much right about the Iraq War being a fraud and George Bush being a liar and so on, then what's the problem with Joe McCarthy, who also used half-truths and innuendo to make his points and was pretty much right about communism being bad? Isn't Michael Moore the same as Joe McCarthy? It's an interesting idea. Yep. An interesting idea. Which got Giblets thinking about Big Bird and Hitler. See, when Giblets was just a little Giblets, he used to watch Seseme Street. And on Seseme Street, Big Bird used to sing this song while he sorted out objects of different colors and shapes. And he would sing "One of these things is not like the other, one of these things just doesn't belong." And Hitler also pointed out the differences between groups of things, when he pointed out the difference between the pureblood Aryan race and the corruption of international Jewry that pervaded it. So both Big Bird and Hitler talked a lot about differences, and tried to train people who watched them to sort out what was different from what was the same. So isn't Big Bird the same as Hitler? It's an interesting idea. Yep. A really interesting idea. ¶ posted by Giblets at 6:18 PM
NOOZ FLASH! al Qaeda to disrupt our democratic process!
Oh no! Fafblog brings you this very urgent Terror Update Announcement Update from Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge who has announced that al Qaeda is planning to strike somewhere around the November elections to disrupt our democratic process! Tom Ridge does not know when it will happen or how it will happen or where it will happen but we can only assume the terrorists will take the most direct approach by running a third party candidate! "Oh no Fafnir!" you are screamin in eternal panic. "How will I ever stop myself from votin for terrorists now!" It is okay to panic, after all it is Tom Ridge here! He does not just come out an issue non-alert-level terror warnings every two months or so yknow! But there is plenty you can do to avoid votin for terror. First look carefully at the ballot: GEORGE BUSH, Republican Party [safe]"But Fafnir!" you say still screamin in understandable horror. "I will vote for terrorists on election day because their clever platform of universal healthcare and sharia law is so seductively appealing!" This is true but you must use all your willpower to fight it! Remember that if the Terrorist Party wins on election day then the Terrorists will have already won! "Oh this is all so confusin Fafnir!" you scream with your throat gettin kinda hoarse. "I do not know whether I can keep the terrorists straight from the Democrats an the Greens an Dick Cheney! Maybe I should just vote for the Natural Law Party!" If in doubt stay home an let the nice gentlemen from the computer votin companies will vote for you. Stay safe, panic in moderation, an this will be a safe and terror-free, terrorized election for all concerned. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 10:56 AM Wednesday, July 07, 2004
independence dweek
So today Chris comes home an says "Soemthin smells funny." An I says "Well it must be your imagination Chris that is you must be smellin your funny-smellin imagination because I sure do not smell anythin funny here no sir." An Chris says "That sure is a lot of Faftalk for not smellin anythin funny" an I says "maybe" an he says "Could it be all those sausages you have left out there in the living room for several days now?" An I says "Now Chris I do not know what you are talkin about, sausages! I dont see any sausages here I see several well-dressed ladies and gentlemen in well-attired if very loose-fittin period garb." Chris says "Fafnir what you have there is sausages in Regency dress." So I says "Chris if you are accusin me of throwin costumes over a bunch of sausages in a botched attempt to conceal them from you and the local authorities by passin them off as visitin 18th century nobles well then I am just taken aback. I will say good day to you sir." An that's pretty much where things would've stuck if it wasnt for Giblets that little squealer, who says "Get rid of em Chris they are stinkin up the joint" an then the jig is up an I have to defend my friends the sausages and their independence which I have been tryin to maintain all week since liberatin them on Independence Day, an Chris is not too happy anyway since me an Giblets helped liberate Chris from his job by throwin spare sausages at his boss back on Independence Do (which is the day after Independence Day, when you "Do" somethin for Independence). In the end I have been very sadly disappointed in Chris's commitment to Jeffersonianism. ¶ posted by Fafnir at 5:46 PM |
I'm Fafnir! Are you Fafnir? No? Look closer. There! You were Fafnir all along. Here is Giblets. "Giblets demands satisfaction!" says Giblets. Giblets is a very demanding Giblets. The Medium Lobster is a higher being with superior knowledge from beyond space and time. To your limited perception, he appears to be just another medium lobster. To your limited perception. BLOGGY B. BLOG MCBLOG The Gentlemen's Club. Body and Soul Calpundit Crooked Timber Informed Comment J Bradford Delong Matthew Yglesias Obsidian Wings Talking Points Memo The Volokh Conspiracy You Can't Fight In Here! This Is The War Room! Andrew Sullivan Atrios Billmon Daily Kos Instapundit Pandagon The Poor Man Tacitus War Liberal Yes, But Can You Eat It? Boing Boing John and Belle have a Blog Quark Soup Fantastic Planet Girls Are Pretty The Leiter Reports Long Story, Short Pier The Panda's Thumb The Raving Atheist Strange Doctrines Thoughts Arguments and Rants The Village Gate Unfogged Get Me My Monocle! I Want To Feel Rich! Hit and Run The Light of Reason Socialism in an Age of Waiting Unqualified Offerings Eat The Press. Campaign Desk Daily Howler The Blogging of the President Monkeys With Typewriters! Wonkette The Note VITAL RESOURCES Hunter Knows Sports Animals on the Underground. Know Your Popes! Know Your Emperors! Know Your Livestock! Cubic truth The Clown Hall of Fame! The Memory Hole Mr Book Syndication (Atom)
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These are the dangerous pies. These are the sudden pies. These are the pies of sudden hilarity an sudden death. They are the assassin pies.
One minute you'll be sittin there in your sofa or your board room or your captain's lounge or your livin room or your House of Lords and you will be sayin somethin like "Oh well now Chuck" because of course you are talkin to Chuck "as you can see expenditures are vastly overtaken by profits in this quarter an we can all breathe a sigh of relief I'd say because there are of course no pies around" an then Chuck an the Director an Lucy an the Pope an Doctor Groggins all start to laugh an laugh with relief at your good good news an THERE IT IS a pie right out of the blue and it hits someone SMACK RIGHT IN THE FACE an they arent just Chuck or the Director or Lucy or the Pope or Doctor Groggins anymore they are Chuck or the Director or Lucy or the Pope or Doctor Groggins or you with pie all over their face and there's nothin you can do, an the first thing you want to do is laugh because hey it's a pie an pies are fun until you realize The Terrible Horror Of It All and the Vast And Terrible Tragedy sinks in.
Why was I hit with such a pie? you will think with pie runnin down your face. Because you were there that is why. Whether you are an astronaut or bicyclist or a monkey made of smaller monkeys you are a target for the predator pie.
