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| 07:50am 21/07/2002 |
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mood:  artistic
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hey everyone who comes to my page...
...no one...
for any one who accidently dose im probably not here.
today i am leaving for boston. im going to mass art to take a few classes... a summer program. should be fun. im not sure if i will be able to get on a puder so if not i'll write back if i come home for a day or if i find a comp allong the lines. i am kind of excited. im taking 4 classes 2d 3d photography and filmmaking. i will try to make friends there even though it is imposable for me to make friends. well any ways bye. i'll be back aug 16th. |
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| .rock. |
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| 08:16am 17/07/2002 |
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mood:  excited
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last night was a rocken night, i went to see the locust!
such a good time, we sat along the side of the stage most of the time. but danced it up during lightning bolts! we had a little dance party over in the corner. so fun. after lightning bolts we went in the back for some air and i went to buy a water thinking it was only a buck but syeah right. it was three. i only had 2 bucks because im a geek and didnt ask for money thinking i had 40 bucks but then realizing that i spent it the other day so i only had 20. but as i was standing waiting for matthew this beautiful girl next to me is like if you want i can help you out. How sweet. while we were waiting for the bartender to come back we made small talk she asked where i was from and shes from boston. i told her i was going to mass art she said cool. or something like that. she really made my day how nice! well we watched like the first 5 songs by the locust and i wanted to beet it because i didnt want to go when everyone else was leaving. so we left and we ran in to dave from connituct and his gorgous girlfriend sara. we talked with them for a peice. and they had to make the trip back to conniticut. so we get us some drinks at the convenient store i got the best juice. and we hit the rode. we were driving and driving and i realized we missed the exit for 190 north so we went to the next exit and turned artound and we were driving and dirving and matt was going 60 in the fast lane so i told him to get over because the guy was on our ass but did he listen.. no. all of a sudden around the corner *BOOM* we hit this huge dead dear carcus that was killed by the car in front of us. for the next 30 secconds we were screaming "Oh My God.. AHhhh Oh My God!!!Holy shit, Oh My God"
it got so intence that we had to pull over. and calm down. so crazy.
so we got home and matt was to sleepy to drive home so hes up in jennys room, that is slowly becoming his, sleeping. im going to go wake him up again.
rock |
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| 09:54am 14/07/2002 |
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mood:  loved
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this has been a great weekend matthew has been over sence friday and we have been having a great time. hes still sleeping now. but friday was my dads company picnic. we went bumper boating played mini golf, tug of war with little kids, jump rope, and driving range. we also got amazing vegi burgers and ice cream, the best ice cream. it was a good night. then yesterday we went to his family graduation party witch was cool because his grandpa is the man soo smooth. and he has like 3 brand new baby cusians one is 2 months one is 1 month and there was a 3 week old but he didnt come. but i got to old the babys they were soo cute and then matt and i played with the todlers and made them this giant sprinkler witch took about 4 hours to figure out... thanks disney for not including directions... we finally figured it out and i was to sceary so they liked it better before the water was spraying out of all ends. but it was fun. fater the party we went to the mall out there to go to H and M, that was unsicessful and we got kicked out because they were closing. so we walked back but upstares this time when we come across a sword store. i ask mat to go in and we looked at them he asked how much was the cheepest and he said about 25 bucks. so i see this little beautiful sword with dragon wings and it was really pretty. so he gets that one freeken awsome he has the best sword ever. while we were in the store theese little 11\12 year olds come in and ask the guy working isf theese were real swords he said "yes and thats a real tee shirt too" this kid were not sure yett there like " there real swords?? could you kill some one with it?" the guy said " i dont see why you would wont to, i guess you could but i wouldnt reccomend it" that guy was freeken awsome. so we drive home and we get talking figuring out how exactly we met going over the few months before we acctually started going out and i miss my exit on the mass pike. so i go to the next one and i turn around do an illegal u turn go through the speed pass thing and the light dosnt turn on. ahhh i dont know what will happen. well we figured it all out and we got home. i fell asleep in his bed and moved to mine around 3:30 . i really love him. i love being around him i love being with him. |
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| 09:34am 12/07/2002 |
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mood:  disappointed
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all my friends broke there edge.
i just found out my friend broke her edge. it kinda makes me sad, but its her choice,its just she was kind of a roal modal for me she is soo cool she's an artest shes vegitarian she was edge shes in a band. i always kind of looked up to her, sence i was a freshman and she was a jr. o well if its what she wants. i know shes responcible. |
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| .rock.out.at.the.drive-in. |
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| 10:00am 09/07/2002 |
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mood:  ecstatic music: at the drive in
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freeken awsome!!! last night well all day yesterday i was waiting for matthew to come over, he didnt get over until about four, four thirty. so i was kinda blah pluss i didnt feal well and i was sleeping on the coutch all day watching crossing over, awsome show, well finall he came over and we went swimming, and when we came back in we were debating on going out, lately i have been jellous that hes been haveing so much fun latly and it just happens to be on the days that im working. well we had no cluse what we wanted to do so after about an hour of plotting and plaining we came to the conclution that we had no plain and just to set off and take us where ever the toad (haha typo i ment road)took us. so we havent ever explored south mass so we headed south on 495 and just drove down there for a bitand about 45 min down the road we see a sign for some park or historical place so we decide to check it out. we drive down this scarry road and we see this neet playgrownd so we hop out and play a little bit and we see this big lunch aria with picnic tables and such so we go over to play in there and all of a sudden we hear this really sceary goast music, its like 9:00 and pitch black out and this park was surrounded by miles of graveyards so we bolt like a fat kid to an ice cream truck and get out asses out of that sceary sceary place. were following sighns and we drive through a few towns. i think we made a few turns but were driving down this huge hill in mendon and all of a sudden i see something wicked sceary out of the cornet of my eye it looked like a gostly thing was flying it wasd a truck! at seccond glance there it was in plain sight......... a drive-in!!! how awsome! sow we turn arownd and find the entrance. the lady at the gate was so nice she gave us the whole speal on how to get to screan 2 where to park where to get food where the bath rooms are where the walking paths ate how they got started, how on fridays and saterdays you have to get there at 6 because it sells out really fast. because thay got an artical in the boston globe because they are the last working drive-in in the state. and she just told us a bunch of stuff. so we drive around to the parking place and we got to see the last half hour of lelo and stich and all of mr. deeds. the movie wasnt as bad as i expected for adam sanler. but it was freeken awsome that we found a freeken drive in!after the movie we went to drive home, got wicked lost and ended up driving through most of the eastern part of the state. it was the freeken coolest thing ever!!!rock. |
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| 09:02am 08/07/2002 |
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mood:  discontent
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wow do i hate talking about breaking up. it makes me really depressed. and even worse thinking about how depressed i will be when it actually happens. i dont think i'll be ok. im probably going to become goth or something stupid. i can tell i wont be able to smile. and thats exactly what i want senior year. i wont have any one. i know already i dont have any friends in this stupid school. Jenny left me and then i wont have my love? it just dosnt seem fair to cut off a relationship so sudden. the day keeps coming closer and closer and i am still soooo in love with him i cant imagine it happening in a month. thinking about the pain i will be in is enough to make me want to die. so i cant promise. i dont know what will happen then im no psychic. he can balance school and seeing me once a week. everyone need a break from school work some times. pluss its art, he told me last night its the only thing he ever gets A's in so i think he will be ok. hes a smart boy. AP english come on you can handle college. i just want to be with him for as long as it is ment to mbe and not pushing away when he has to go to school. yeah maybe ot wont last forever but its meant to last as long as it is meant. and we shouldnt just stop. |
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| 09:14pm 07/07/2002 |
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mood:  mischievous
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well worked sucked today but i think it was my last day for the summer so i guess thats cool. i wish my back up came it would have been so nice but it happens. after work i took a trip up to clares for an experiment to see how well my fake id works i got my ear piersed again its just a normal cartlige but it looks neet. o well i'm a loser they told me not to change the jewlery for 8 weeks and i changed it when i came home it bled a little. but o will beauty is all. rock. |
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| 08:52am 06/07/2002 |
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mood:  drained music: fingerprints and photographs....kevin...devine
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well i fell icky. i don't know why. everything was perfect and all i wanted to do was sleep but it didnt happen that way. at least he could have stayed. i know hes sorry and i appreciate the messages. i do forgive and to tell the truth i didn't think anything of it until i got the messages.it dosnt matter i still love him even if he was a jerk one night, that dosnt matter to me. i know today is another day. it was a great weekend. i loved spending almost every min with him. it was nice. dont feel bad little boy. i probably shouldn't have written the first part that thing is i dont really care about last night what happened, happened and we shouldn't think about it just think of thursday. .) |
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| 06:17pm 01/07/2002 |
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im in New york now. i still have that cough, blah. the first day we came here i life gurded with erin and i got sooooo sun burned. it kills. then the next day we went to a water park and that was awsome but i had to watch out because of my sun burn, yesterday we went to sixflags and did more water park stuff it kinda sucked but then we got to go on all the rolercosters. superman was the best! today im going shopping but i dont need anything. this kitten "burnt toast" attacked me and im bleading a lil hes vish. any ways rocken out new pictures. |
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| 09:01am 24/06/2002 |
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tomarrow jenny jen goes back to germany. i dont know what im going to do with out her im going to have to deal with my real family. and i dont know how thats going to be. my big sister katie is in constant bitch mode, witch makes my mom be all gilt trip and then my sister bitches at my dad and i usally run to jen and dont want to have anything to do with it. well i get to go to mass art soon one more month. my constant surch for people who might acctually like me ive been to 3 years of various summer camps and i only still have 2 friends from that one of witch lives in new york city 4 hours away. i guess people will accept me there because there like me but sometimes i cant deal with people who are too much like me. i get jellous, because there better than me or might try to be. why dose jenny have to leave its not fair. finally i have my best friend ever and she lives accross the hall, and there ripping her away from me. send katie to germany let me keep jen. |
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| 06:58am 19/06/2002 |
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this is going to be a really sad week. jenny is going home .(
i dont know what im going to do with out her i love her shes my best friend and my sister. were trying to make the most of it. today were going to six flags and that should be fun. last night we went to friendlys. i havent been able to talk to mathew lately every time i call hes out and every time he calls it 3am and im a sleep i miss him. 3 days untill hes 18. i'm excited for him. well i have to get redy for today. rock
xoxoxox
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| 07:43am 17/06/2002 |
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ahh last day of school i just have to do 2 art projects wpooo fun well yeah then im out for the summer! rock |
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| 11:24pm 09/06/2002 |
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mood:  blank
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oh yeah congradulations matt way to go you made it through high school
xoxox
allison |
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| 11:17pm 09/06/2002 |
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mood:  nauseated
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so i fucked things up with matt pretty bad. anfd its totally all my fault i had to be selfish and want to talk to my boyfriend. and then i took it out of hand and fucked things up. i think hes going to break up with me. he is really pissed at me im not going to sleep tonight i cant sleep i love him so much and hes so mad at me. i dont want to live. i fucking hate my self. love him... i want to blow myself up. |
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| 09:12am 01/06/2002 |
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mood:  exhausted
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so i havent written in quite a while,
its because ive been bizzy as hell. yesterday was the only day i got time for my self. last weekend rocked i saw matthew almost every day. he had a q with his friends and there girlfriends. it was fun, we watched cheesy gory horror films from the late 70's early 80's even tho you could tell how fake it was it was really sceary. monday matthew came and got me from work and we went to see starwars eps 2. feeking amazing so much better than no.1 then we went to shortys for dinner where we had the best watress. she kept telling us how cute we were together and how cute it was that were vegitarians and being awsome. then the week started freeken crappy as all hell. monday night after seeing starwars and all that i decide that i want to die my hair back to my normal color but i didnt think that oh my hair is bleached its going to come out crappy. my hairl tnred out a pinkish orange! it sucked! i cryed about it because every one was making fun of my mom laughed in my face about it! and i had to go to school on tuesday with it. i hated it and of corse everyoine had to comment on it biting there cheek and saying they liked it even though it looked hidious! so i went to the hair salon accross the hall from my work and had them fixit. and i know thegirl that did my hair for the prom was mad at me because she told me not to bleach my hair and she liked the color before, i did too i just wanted a change. so they fixed my hair for 50 bucks and i dont mind it. the week was crazay for a short week matt stopped by on thursday but i hardly got to say hi before he had to go i know its not his fault his sister needed the car. i just wished i could have kissed him. or hugged him. he made this beautiful picture and gave it to me. it hardly looks like me hes a great photographer he acctually made me look pretty. yesterday i went to get a seccond job, i think i got it. its at nashoba vally ski area im gunna lifeguard. rock and i think pay is some where between 10 and 12 bucks an hour. how great! i was up really late last night reading catcher in the rie. great book i have 11 pages left, stephie always is telling me about people named sunny and something but hey havent showed up yett and i only have 11 pages left and hes still in new york and i dont get how there gunna rap it up.?!?!?! well i guess i will read it now so i can start thinking about my fianl project for english.
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| 09:04am 25/05/2002 |
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mood:  scared
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last night at work the scearest thing happened i was training stephie so the first time the phoe rang i picked up and kind of had her listen to what i said and then told her the next time the phone ang that she would have to pick up and she did. she looked wicked sceard and she would start aying stuff and got cut off a whole bunch and then she said this is steph the only other person working is allison but shes still kind of new too. and then somthing about changing rooms and so i said steph give it to me and i kept on trying to take the phone but he seemed to be in a rant so she couldnt hand it over right away. i picked up and said can i help you, he asked me if there was any spasific place where kids change when there here and i said, if there infants or todlers there are places in the camra room where you can chang them but if the kids are older they change in the bathroom down the hall. if you want to make an apointment and there changing tell me and i can block off more time for you, and he said no, my kids where in there a week or so ago and i just want to get the story they told me strate,(this is when it starts getting weard) he tells me all about how his kids got home and where too happy to have just gotten there pictures taken and he said they saw a cupple little girls from there class getting tere pictures taken. and saw them changing, i asked how old the boys were and he said young, and then changed his ancer to 11, and 13 witch isnt young. he told me that they were changing right accross from them and was seeing there bras and panties, and i said there is no way in the way our camra rooms are set up that they would have been able to see anything unless they walked compleetly in to the camra room. and he also said somthing about the kids changing at the same time and i told him this time of year we hardly ever have apointments and there wouldnt be to familys getting pictures taken at the same time and its rare when people change in the middle of a sit so, he interepted me and asked if i had ever seen people changing i said no when people change i go up to the front desk and have them call me when they are done, he asked even if there was a little hotty he knows that i would look back there, i said no sir thats very un profesional and its gross, he said GROSS?! my kids did it its not gross i know you would if you had a chance, i said i would never do that pluss i have no reason to even if there was a "hotty" i dont look at boys im in a relationship. he went ton trying to get me to say ide look back there and i said im sorry i dont know how to help you you can call back tomarrow morning theres someone with more expearance here who might be ble to help you and he said well how am i going to handle this tonight. to told me how when the boys came back from getting there pictures taken that they were too happy and he walked in to them in there room doing "boy things" and how they told them about the girls and how they saw them, and the turned it back on me again and said sooo your in a relationship so you know how it is to have those urges, you know your in a relationship and then i hung up and started crying. i called my maniger, and theres nothing i could have done. except for hang up sooner. but it sounded lagit in the begining. for the rest of the night every time a man came by i got freeked out and it sucks i have to work all weekend. and monday. im so sceard. and matthew wouldnt even listen to me and all night after that happened all i wanted to do was call him and have hiom comfort me but even when i got through to him he wouldnt listen.
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| 09:27am 12/05/2002 |
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mood:  sleepy
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the past few days have been cool. jenny went to her prom and i hung out with matthew. we stood at the freezing lake until all hours of the night with his friends. bur. then we just went to sleep and his sisters cat witch lives in her bed (where i was sleeping she was on vacation) kept me up all night and made me sneeze a lot. then we woke up at 6 in the morning so he could go to his detention. and i drove around and waited to meet up with jenny. jen and i went home she went to sleep and i went to dance class witch was and extra hour long. then went directly to work and worked until 8 and hour longer and i was sa-pose to. but it was all worth it because matthew picked me up and jack was there! jack and tyler, and i think his name was nathan. they were there too. so we caused a ruckus in the food cort for an hour and a half. some middle school aged girls tried hitting on them. it was funny they all had braises. then some old lady yelled at us because we were playing straws mr. wizard style. the best whistle ever, and most annoying. at 10 we went to see Spider Man. witch
!.!.!.!RULED!.!.!.!
what a great movie! i got home at one on 3 hours sleep and a day jammed full of action. |
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| 02:55pm 09/05/2002 |
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mood: discontent
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so i get caught. wow i skiped school once and i get caught. i wish i didnt get in so much truble for it my rents fliped. what dorks like they never skipped school. and the worse part is i skipped a half day and got in just as much truble as if i skipped a whole day. o well. i cant wait until tomarrow because i get to go to matthews house and spend the night
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| 01:12pm 05/05/2002 |
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mood:  depressed
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man i havbe been down in the dumps today
depression is setting back in, a thing i nearly forgot about
its been almost a year sence i had been depressed like this. i have been constantly crying sence 8 this morning.
last night matthew and i talked witch made me cry for a good 3 hours but today its diffrent i have been crying my eyes out.
i feel like everything is ending. and it will never be the same.
this year was seriously perfect. its felt like everything had been out of a fucking movie. my relationship with matthew, school, my friends, its a freeken movie. its been awsome.
but no matter how much i want school to end because im sick of school, i dont want it to end because i dont want jenny to leave. she has been the best friend ever this intire year and i dont want her to leave.
i wont ever see her again.
I know i will never go to germany i havent been anywhere.
and i dont want this summer to end because i know matthew will be going to college next year and hes going to break up with me so he can do well in school.
i want him to do well in school, but no one will ever love me like him.
i dont think any one will want to
so i have the blues and no one cares. |
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| 10:04pm 02/05/2002 |
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mood:  optimistic
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got my rocken prom dress barrowed it from libs. thaks dude! its so foxy. saw matthew tonight hes so fucken hot. i love him so much. rocken day |
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