well, eddie called me from philadelphia, where they had a layover. he doesn't change planes there so he had time to call. apparently when he got to his layover in new orleans he barely had time to make it to the plane before they finished boarding. that's why he didn't call so i was worried over nothing. i'm just silly. he'll be home around eight or eight thirty. i can't wait to see him. i know he was only gone for a few days but i missed him a lot. i know that's silly too. i'm glad he had a good visit with kirbie. this morning was funny. eddie called me and i talked to him for a little while and then we hung up. then jessalyn got mad at me because she had wanted to say hello to him so i called him back and she talked to him for a couple of minutes and then we hung up again. a minute later he called me back because kirbie wanted to talk to me and jessalyn :) she talked to me for about a minute and then wanted to talk to jessalyn :) i love it that they like to talk to eachother on the phone. i never had a good relationship with my former step-brother and step-sister and i don't really have any kind of relationship with either of my half-brothers now, and i really want jessalyn and kirbie to have a good relationship, just like i want kirbie and the baby to have a good relationship too. and i'm glad that kirbie doesn't seem jealous or threatened by jessalyn. i love them both so much and i know that eddie loves them both. it will be easier once we have a house and we can have kirbie come up here for visits and we can all spend more time together as a family. i'm also happy that kirbie doesn't have any problems with the fact that me and eddie are married now. she seems to understand what that means and she likes me and that's good. i never liked my stepmother and i don't want kirbie to feel that way about me.

basically, to sum up this post, i am happy with my little family :)

I feel...: content

eddie didn't call me when he landed in new orleans :( i'm worried. probably for nothing, i know, but i expected him to call. bah.

I feel...: discontent

i'm so happy :) when i talked to eddie this morning he told me that his best friend manny is now engaged. manny's fiance is so sweet and nice and they're both great people and i'm so happy for them. so it looks like we'll be in texas in mid-december for a wedding :)

I feel...: excited

i wish i had some more creative user icons. i'd really like some good ones of me and eddie. i love the wedding one i made but i wish it was fancier. i'm silly.

I feel...: contemplative

i slept really good last night. that's happy. i even managed to sleep in our bed alone for a little while. and eddie will be home tonight. that's even happier :) i felt bad because i talked to him on the phone yesterday and started crying because i missed him so much and i was so lonely. chalk it up to my hormones, i guess, but it's hard to be away from him for even a short time anymore. i love that man so much. i am looking forward to a jessalyn-free day today although i'm not quite sure what i'm going to do with myself. i know i'll go grocery shopping at some point...i only have to pick up a few things. and i should really do the laundry..i had planned to bring it to my parents' house and do it there yesterday but obviously that didn't work out. so i guess i'll have to lug it up to the laundry room myself later...ugh. oh well. tonight my baby will be home and everything will be back to normal and that makes me very happy. oh, and no more contractions but the baby has been killing my ribs. i think he's getting cramped in there :) i'm looking forward to being able to wear normal clothes again soon considering i'm starting to pop out of my maternity clothes now. *thumps on tummy* this is starting to get a little ridiculous...don't you think you should come out now?

if anyone wants to try to get together and hang out today please please please call my cell phone cause i would love the company. hope everyone's had a blerglicious weekend :)

I feel...: content

well, i haven't gone anywhere. apparently my mom is still at work and she said she'd call when she gets home so we can go over there but i have yet to hear from her (that was four hours ago). so i guess it's another long night hanging out here alone with jessalyn. this sucks a lot.

i just had a contraction, but it only lasted a minute. hopefully nothing to worry about.

me and jessalyn just watched the old 80's movie "pippi longstocking"...the live-action one, not the animated one. i haven't watched that since i was little but it used to be one of my favorite movies. jessalyn liked it a lot :) i'm determined to get punky brewster for her on dvd for xmas or something. my daughter WILL be an eighties child ;) hey, she already sleeps with a raggedy anne and a care bear :)

hope everyone else's weekend has been more fun than mine.

I feel...: bored

well, i finally fell asleep around three last night. of course, i slept on the couch with the tv on (although the volume was turned down really low) and i woke up a few times. i just cannot sleep alone anymore...it's impossible. i've gotten used to sleeping with an eddie bear (wow, it's been a while since i've called him that...lol)

have you ever done something that you knew would just bother you anyways? like reading something that you knew would really upset you and you really didn't have to read but it was there so you did it for some reason? i did that yesterday and i don't know why. it was dumb.

i talked to eddie and kirbie this morning and they're both great. kirbie likes the purse that i made for her :) i miss him though.

i haven't gone into labor. that's a good thing.

going to my parents' house at some point today. hopefully mom won't mind if i do some laundry over there since i don't feel like walking back and forth between here and the laundry room a million times today. have to go grocery shopping still too...will probably go on my way home from mom's.

off to get jessalyn out of her high chair now. *whoosh*

I feel...: lonely

lol...i forgot to post the funny thing that eddie said the other day. jessalyn was being really difficult one day. eddie turned to me and said "if you let me sell her i'll get you a cat" :)

I feel...: amused

i hate this. this really sucks. i don't feel sick anymore, my cough is pretty much gone. but i just can't get myself to leave the apartment right now either. i'm going crazy. mostly i'm just really really lonely. i miss eddie like crazy already and i wish i had something to do or someone to hang out with besides jessalyn. i should go grocery shopping but i can't even bring myself to go do that either. i just have no motivation. hopefully tomorrow will be better since i'll probably go to my mom's for at least a little while. ugh. i hate this.

I feel...: lonely

well, i didn't end up driving eddie to the airport this morning after all because i was still half dead. i've still got a little cough and runny nose and right now i feel a little dizzy too. i just don't think it would have been a good idea for me to be driving all that way home basically by myself feeling the way i do. i'm going to miss him a lot. i think the pregnancy has made me appreciate him even more because he has just been so good to me. he's been very protective and very helpful and very loving and i've become a little dependant on that and now i have to go without it for a few days. mostly i'm just lonely already. i'll have to find something to do with myself saturday and sunday. i'm supposed to go to the dmv and grocery store today but i'm not sure i'm going to have the stamina to deal with the dmv today so i might just do that next week. then again, i've been putting it off like crazy so i should just go and get it done. ugh. i'll see how i'm feeling. hope everyone has a happy friday.

I feel...: blah

ugh...i'm sick. i've been coughing all day and my head is killing me. i was supposed to go grocery shopping today because we have nothing to make for dinner tonight but it looks like we'll be having leftovers cause i just can't drive like this. i've also been nauseous all day because of swallowing so much air and phlegm when i cough. i just ate some chicken noodle soup (ramen...mmmm...) and i could probably eat another bowl but it was my last packet :( i have to bring eddie to the airport tomorrow morning so hopefully i'll be feeling better because i also plan to go to the dmv and finally get my license changed (i still haven't done the new name on it, not to mention the address change) and now it looks like i'll have to go grocery shopping too. still having anxiety about eddie being so far away so close to my due date but i guess i just need to chill out and think happy thoughts and hopefully if the full moon does cause me to go into labor it won't be until sunday night when eddie's home :)

I feel...: sick

i'm awake right now and i'm not quite sure why. i woke up to pee and get a drink because my throat's been bugging me and now i'm wide awake.

i had a dream that i went into labor while eddie was in texas and had to go through it without him. it scared me and i really hope that doesn't happen for real. i know i'll have other people around if it comes down to that but i need him. plus i don't want him to miss his baby being born.

jessalyn is talking and giggling in her room. but she is asleep. i just checked on her. at least she seems to be having a good dream :)

and apparently, TODAY is passenger86's birthday, not yesterday. i'm just a dork who can't read popups...lol. so happy birthday for real this time to passenger86. :)

can any of my ct friends tell me how to get to taftville reservoir? i've never even heard of it and i can't figure out how to get there. thanks guys.

happy birthday to airborne1!!! i hope you have a great day!!!!

my interview from txdevil

1. Name one thing that has happened to you in the past year that has totaly changed your life?

definitely getting married. i honestly had started to think that i was never going to get married and i did, to the most wonderful man in the world, and it was really the happiest day of my life and i'm not just saying that because everyone says it.

2. When are you going to come see me?

i promise that the next time i'm down there with eddie we will make definite plans to get together at least for a couple of hours. we'll have the baby and jessalyn with us by then too so it will be super fun :) i can't wait to meet tony and sara in person

3. What is your dream profession?

definitely owning and running my own daycare/preschool. i really really want to do that.

4. If you could start a support group tomorrow.. what would it be for?

victims of abuse because i was one and i would like to help other people who have been in my shoes.

5. What is your fav. color?

purple, duh! but not just any purple. my absolute favorite color is dark bluish purple :)

I feel...: cheerful

interview from arlyn

1. How do you think the new baby will change your outlook on your own life?

wow...i actually never thought about this. it's a good question. it's hard to answer because having jessalyn changed my outlook on life completely and made me a completely different person and it's hard to think that this one will have a similar impact on my life since i'm not in such a bad place anymore. before i had jessalyn i was basically a slut who couldn't hold onto a relationship or a job and just relied on other people to basically carry me through life and having jessalyn made me realize that i had to grow up and rely on myself because i was the only person she had to rely on. this time i'm already in such a good place...married to a wonderful man with a good job, and i already have a wonderful little girl. but i think this new baby will make me take things for granted less. i tend to not pay much attention to the little things anymore like i did when jessalyn was really little. i think having a baby makes you slow down and appreciate every little moment again. and i think it will give me a new appreciation for jessalyn because i think she's going to be such a great big sister and helper for me. and i know it will make me see eddie in a completely different light...as the father of our child instead of just my husband. i'm gonna have to come back and answer this question again after i have the baby :)

2. What is the song that you identify most with?

damn, you come up with good questions. probably the first verse and chorus of "amazing" by aerosmith best describes how my life used to be and how i feel about it. before i had jessalyn and before i met eddie i was in a very bad place and almost as low as i could get, and i'd push away the people who were trying to help and stay close to people who only would hurt me. and then jessalyn came along and i met eddie and i realized that i didn't have to treat myself that way and that i deserved better for myself and for jessalyn.

3. What is your biggest wish for your daughter as she gets older?

every time i hear this song it makes me cry because this is exactly what i wish for jessalyn
( this about sums it up )

4. If you could have any job in the world, regardless of the financial implications and/or education it would require, what would it be?

i would want to run my own daycare center/preschool. i love kids at that age and i'm really good with kids. hopefully that will actually happen one day.

5. Please tell me about the icon pic you use - I really like it and would love to know where it came from!

my personal religion is wicca, better known as witchcraft. i believe in a god and goddess and demigods and demigoddesses. my default icon is a pentacle, which for witches is what the cross is for christians and catholics. the points of the star represent the four directions (east, west, north and south) and the sanctity of spirit. a lot of witches including myself also believe that four of the points also represent the four elements (earth, air, fire and water). the circle around the star represents wholeness and unity. i found this particular pentacle icon when i was just doing a random internet search for new icons and i really like it because it has so many aspects of nature in it. one thing that witches really believe in is the importance of having respect for all living things and nature is very important in everything we do. and don't worry, i don't worship the devil or anything like that. i don't even believe in a devil or satan. ;)

more info about the pentacle, if you're interested in learning more about it :)

1. Leave a comment saying you want to be interviewed.
2. I'll reply and give you five questions to answer.
3. You'll update your LJ with the five questions answered.
4. You'll include this explanation.
5. You ask other people five questions when they want to be interviewed. And it just keeps going, and going, and going (hopefully!)

I feel...: thoughtful

head hurts....owwwww....

i was sick all weekend. like yucky blech sick. sore throat congested headaches stuffy runny nose sick. sleep all day sick. but i'm pretty much better now. so that's a good thing. i just have a headache.

had a obgyn appointment this morning. same old same old. everything still looks fine. the baby has had this annoying habit lately of pushing my ribcage up so i am in extreme pain and feel like i can't breath and i literally have to push his body away from my ribs. the doctor said that's normal since apparently the second and following babies don't actually drop (?) i didn't know that. next time the baby's laying on one side of my stomach and making a big lump i'll have to take a picture and post it because it's too funny.

i started my next crochet project yesterday...a hooded baby afghan for the baby. after that i'm thinking about starting to make blankets for all my nieces. i think that would be a neat idea.

amazing race is on tonight. that's happy, especially since mirna and charla are gone.

i get to see mom rowe and kay today...yay! i'm excited. i love mom rowe and me and kay don't get to spend nearly enough time together anymore.

i really hope i don't go into labor while eddie's in texas. i don't want to have the baby without him. the idea of that scares me a lot.

have i mentioned that i've been eating more skittles and chocolate frosted donuts than most people eat in a year? those are apparently my cravings of choice this time.

he's kicking my ribcage again. ugh.

this has been a very random and disjointed entry brought to you by pregnant jessi and the letter "y" and the number "6"

I feel...: bored

oh my gosh...only nineteen days left!!! and this weekend is supposed to be a full moon so it possibly could be sooner...figures it's gonna be a full moon while eddie's in texas. i'm getting excited!!!!!

I feel...: giddy

and a very happy birthday to one of my favorite lj peeps, midnightmadness!!! *loads of huggles* hope it's a great one :)

i finally finished jessalyn's scarf and it came out pretty darn good for my first crochet project :) i'm very proud of myself. the edges of one end of it are really wavy and uneven because it took me a while to get the hang of it but the other end is almost perfect and jessalyn loves it. she's been trying it on and putting it on her teddy bear and her dolls and carrying it around.

( my very first crochet project ever )

I feel...: pleased