LiveJournal for A Cast of Thousands.
|
Friday, May 17th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
If I never hear the name Uziel again, I can die happy. The people I've been trying to hang out with after class found out my last name after I'd been so careful, and made the connection between me and Dad. Now they're acting all buddy-buddy with me. Like I haven't been down this path before already, honestly. It's annoying. What do they expect me to do, ring up back home and ask Dad to haul out the glossies and scrawl personal messages to each of them? I love this, I really do. Being short and built like She-Hulk isn't enough; I also have to be Outcast Girl. Unless, of course, I let my last name slip, in which case it's "Ooh, I love A Darkened Light! Your dad is so sexy, do you think you could get his autograph for me? Do you know Uziel? Are you, y'know, friends?" Grr! Dad, at least, understands. And from the way he acts, it makes me wonder just how much he likes being famous and loved by total strangers. I know that the tabloid articles, especially the ones that mention our being mutants, or Mum or Arick or I, piss him off royally. (I still laugh sometimes when I think of the occasion where he punched out that photographer. That had to be my best birthday to date.) The rest of it, though... Sure, I know that the fans mean something to him, but I really think they're what drove him into leaving the scene and becoming a producer that just happens to come out with the occasional album. There's just no such thing as privacy for us, and while Dad never wanted 'rick or I to be affected by it, I hate it. So I guess we are. It's horrible and it's invasive, and for most of my life I've had to wonder if the people that I meet become my friends because they genuinely like me, or because they idolize and want to get closer to my family. Because let's face it, I'm the odd man out. Dad's the fantastic musician, Mum's made her way as a dancer, and Arick, when he's not doing stupid things that could get him a criminal record, might as well own Broadway, not to mention the club he renovated. Which leaves me where, exactly? I don't know. Pissed off, apparently. Ryann thinks it's funny, which only upsets me even more. But at least with her I know that she's not my friends just to get to my family. I think. I know that I'm insecure -- How can I not notice it? I am, it's me, and I feel guilty for not trusting anyone. But when Sebastian laughs in my face for it... Well, I want to beat him up, but that's another story entirely. (And so's Ryann's theory that I've got a thing for him, which is, I might add, utter tripe, but I won't touch on that stupidity today.) To be human and have a normal family, you know? |
||||||||
|
Thursday, May 16th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
The past six months has been a lesson in trial and error, the stresses of it building higher and higher, until my usual habits couldn't contain it any longer. Charles, perceptive boy that he is (Never mind that he's 28, mortal or not, he's one of the most child-like people I've ever met, and I can't help myself from thinking of him as a boy.), suggested a few new avenues, with a heavy emphasis on writing. I can't say I was surprised -- he is a writer himself, after all, so when he advised me to try keeping a journal for a few weeks, it was no great shock. This is mostly me humoring him, since he's kept at me like a bloody great terrier. So where, exactly, should I start? I'm not quite sure. After such an extensively long life like mine, this is actually the first time I've tried to keep a journal. Do I start at the beginning, with the expected "My name is Duncan MacLeod, of the Clan MacLeod," or is that too obvious? I think so. Maybe I ought to just start with what's weighing on me most heavily, and, God help me, if I end up holding on to this thing, we'll see from there. There really hasn't been a time that I can remember where I haven't had something like a dozen different conflicts coming at me from all sides. My current life in New York is no different that way, and I can't help but wonder what brought me here in the first place -- It's never been my favorite locale, not really. My one lingering suspicion is that it's Connor's influence on me, because, try as I might, I've had one hell of a time avoiding the city since I took my kinsman and mentor's head in 2000. He always did love it here. I've been out of the Game again, or at least making an attempt to do so, and I know that Connor would rap me about the head and shoulders for it. Between his death and Richie's, though... I don't want to fight anymore. I'm tired of it. There are still new immortals coming into existence, besides, so how the bloody hell can the end of the Game be near? Speaking of which... Two more have come into my life, practically orchestrated to coincide with Amanda's return from Paris, or wherever she's been gallavanting about most recently. When Methos brought the first one to me, I almost praised myself for turning her away and into his tutelage instead. Almost, mind. Just because Connor's and Richie's deaths have made me back off from the immortal world again doesn't mean that I can't feel guilty over turning Julie away. Methos is obviously still angry with me for it. Can't say that I blame him, either; he's probably had students before -- How many of us old ones haven't? -- but no doubt it's been awhile. And that she's a pretty young thing probably doesn't help him. I'd laugh, if my karma hadn't come back to me. So help me, God, my life is peppered with irony so bloody strong it's like ashes in my mouth. Hardly three months after I foisted Julie into Methos's care, I wound up with a student of my own. Worse yet, he's a friend of Morgana Fitzgerald's, which wouldn't mean much to me if it hadn't come to my attention that More is related to Grace Daniels. Ffoulkes now, or so she tells me. It's almost laughable, but only just almost. Grace and I, our history... Well, I'll never be able to forget her, that's a given. Considering that I first met her well over two centuries ago, and she's not even an immortal... Mutants. I'll never understand them. Further irony is that my world has always seemed so simple compared to theirs. Now aside from those who come to try and kill me, I have Preyers to add to the list, bottom of the food chain scum that usually ignore the Game altogether in favor of foundlings. Killing an immortal before he's had his first death is obscene enough, but when they've yet to finish the course of their mortal life? It infuriates me. Hell, that's probably why I was so eager to leap back into things and kill Mobuto, the bastard that attacked Killian and More. He's confused, and understandably. I know that immortals have better memories than most people, and God knows that I can remember my first death as easily as I know what I did yesterday. It's a horrible thing, to wake up and know that you shouldn't be alive. Thankfully, he's intelligent, and with More's support Killian's been recovering as much as any of us ever do. I've already started to explain the rules of the Game to him, and how we actually play it will be next on the agenda. But it's just so hard. I look at him sometimes, and under the right light, with the right angle, it's like Richie is sitting right next to me. Connor, at least, wanted to die, but I never gave Richie a choice. Was my mind clouded by Ahriman when I killed my last student, who might as well have been my son? Yes, yes, I'll admit that every time Joe, Methos or Amanda try to remind me. It doesn't mean anything, though, not to me, and certainly not to Richie. He was my last link to Tessa, if nothing else, and the potential he had... It just feels so futile to try and take on another pupil. With Tessa gone, I've given up all my connections to her, except for a couple of her sculptures that I can't bear to let go. It's the same with Richie now. Forty years later and all I have left are the hang ups that came with killing him. I sold my last attempt at owning a dojo like I had when he was still alive, and even now the part-time teaching I'm doing is too poignant of a reminder. Who knows what my next venture will wind up being? Dawson, I can tell, worries about all these small quirks. Both he and Charles, and I'm almost sorry that I bothered to introduce them now. The feeling's mutual -- Joe's 77 now, and I know that he can't make it much longer. He's not doing well, but he insists on living to the best of his ability, especially now that he's met Morgana. His crush on her is strange to see, considering the age difference, but when he's around More I can't help but think that this is what he must have been like when he was in his prime, even before I met him. It's probably a lesson I should take to heart, how Joe refuses to let anything get in his way of living his life. Funny how it's always the mortal world that keeps me in touch with things. Connor always used to insist that I never draw attention to myself and always move through the crowd to a point where I blended in, but was detached from it at the same time. Now and then I'm glad that I never listened to the old man. The part that really makes me laugh is how my mortal friends -- Charles, in this case. -- always seem to run into others of my kind. Julia, as an example. She and her son, Charles's boyfriend, are like me. Except different. I like how Jules put it the second time we met -- I'm the lion to her tiger. -- because it certainly seems appropriate enough. Her "breed" is outside the Game, almost a separate entity. She lives forever, but without the fear of losing her head to another immortal. It sounded like bliss when we first discussed it. And I think that I very well might be falling in love with her. What always remained a barrier between Amanda and I was that, much as we might love one another, in the end, if one of us didn't die, we'd wind up fighting one another to the death. I couldn't take the thought of that, and I don't think she could, either. And the mortal women that I've loved has always been taken away from me by death. Julia's an immortal outside the Game, beautiful and intelligent and self-reliant. She might as well be perfect, if she weren't also so damned self-destructive. If she feels the same way, there's a possibility of a happily ever after forever ending looming on the horizon. It's terrifying, but God, I want it, too. |
||||||||
|
Monday, April 29th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
There's something wrong with Dad. I went with him to see Bry at one of her shows the other day -- inconspicious-like, so as not to embarrass her (his idea, not mine) -- and the entire time he looked like hell. Neither one of us mentioned it, though I think Chas knows that I suspect, and I'm willing to bet one good night with Penny that he hasn't told Daddy Matt anything yet. That's my father, always suffering in noble silence. It's a trait that he got from his father, there's no doubt in my mind about that. Knowing Chas, though, it could be anything from the sniffles to that flatscan virus that's been going around the past ten years or so and killing humes. Yeah, I know, it's dirty language, but it's my fucking journal, so shove it. So should I be concerned? Hell yeah. I'm just not sure what to do about any of it. Confronting Chas won't get me anything but stubborn silence and a dirty look, and there's no need to get Matty in a tizzy over what's probably just the onset of the flu -- Chas has those damn allergies, anyway, so who knows? Maybe I ought to have a chat with Bry, though, just in case. She hasn't been the most levelheaded baby as of late, but I want to keep this inside the immediate family for now. |
||||||||
|
|
||||||||
Romany called yesterday to tell me that she'll be flying down this weekend with Angie. And Pete. Just when I thought I was getting myself back on track, the entire thing gets derailed again. I really don't know if I'm up to seeing Pete yet, and I'm terrified at what might happen, how he'll look at me. Does he still love me? Does he miss me? Will Angie even remember who I am? It's not as though I've been a central figure in her life for some time now, not really. By the time she was born I was already half crazy with what the Soulsword was doing to me, and I can barely recall bothering to spend time with her outside those first few months. And now she's verging on two and a half years old. I keep wondering if Pete's made an effort to keep me in her memory, or if he's given up on me altogether. The divorce (it's a word that I still can't bring myself to say), it certainly seemed like he was shutting me out of their lives, even if I deserved it. Not that anything between us has ever been easy, but I genuinely thought that we could make it, that we wouldn't let ourselves get screwed up by the "Spandex Brigade," as Pete has insisted on calling the X-Men. I'm always so tempted to ask if he's all right or not when I see Emma Frost around the property -- I know that she knows him, even if I don't want to know how, since I'm sure that the details would kill me. She always smiles at me in that smug, "I know what you're thinking" way of hers, and I hate her for it. At any other time in my life I would have continued to believe that she hadn't reformed, that she was still a dangerous woman, a threat to everyone that knew her. But, being honest here, who am I to talk now? She didn't go out and murder well over two dozen people, now did she? Besides, I've seen Frost around the school, with the kids, and she hides it, but I know she loves them. My mother was always right in the respect that moms know, I'll give her that. It feels funny to be living here, in the Academy that I was once a prisoner of the White Queen in, the place run by one of the people I loathed most. To say that I was shocked when she and Sean offered to let me stay on at the Massachusetts Academy as help with the mutant students is beyond an understatement, you know? My entire life is routine now, more than ever before. Wake up, go for a warmup run, go through my kata, some dance if I've got the time, shower, creep upstairs for breakfast, wait for the others to skip off to class, perform any maitenance on the computer systems, help out any of the kids that might need computer help, putter around for a few hours, meet up with Ski for lunch, meet with John for some talk about the Soulsword, prowl around the campus or the town for a couple of hours, dinner, another run, and sleep. I don't mind very much, but God, I miss Muir. I miss London. I miss Excalibur. I miss Pete and Angie, Moira, Meggan, Brian, Kurt and Amanda... Needless to say, I haven't heard from either -- or from Ororo, for that matter -- for months now. That hurts, although I can't blame them. It hurts so much to think that I nearly killed Amanda in nothing even close to an accident, and that because of me, Forge is dead. It hurts so bad, but they deserve to hate me. I wonder a lot if they'll ever talk to me a again. Morgana's visited me a lot, though, and her presence has helped a lot. She wouldn't let me stay in bed all day, and forced me to get dressed and go outside, and I'm not sure how to thank her for that. Or John, for that matter. He's a good man, even if the magick he does and that presence he has about him has always scared me a little, but without him I would have wound up killing people all over again. I can recognize that I've come a long way, made a lot of progress, but that doesn't take the guilt of those people I killed off of my shoulders. No wonder Pete left me, then -- I must look exactly like he does now, haunted by all kinds of past evils. Except in my case, I wanted to do all those horrible things. Pete never really had much of a choice. The students here are a good distraction from my own thoughts, Jubilee especially (heck, sometimes we even get along), but none of them know why I'm here aside from what brought me to the school was horrible, and I know they gossip about it. That prevents any socializing with them on my part, even if some of them are near my own age. Not, now that I think of it, that I've ever really gotten along with anyone in my immediate age group in the first place, but at this point I'm so lonely that I'm willing to make exceptions. It's so frustrating, because I want to be normal, to spend time with others -- I mean, God, I never knew that I'd miss that semester I spent at ESU rooming with Liz Dalton so much -- but at the same time I just have to look at others, and immediately I perceive myself as a threat to them. I don't want to hurt anyone else, I'd rather die first. Mostly, though, I just want Pete back. |
||||||||
|
Friday, April 26th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
My Dark Adonis is such a silly kangaroo, he doesn't know where the sunshine's gone. I hope my Lydia doesn't mind that I'm writing in her journal, with all its deep, dark, tasty secrets written inside, but it was too psychadelic for me to not wrangle. There's hurtsome on the horizon, I can tell, and Spike is dancing in the rain because of it. He's going to bring down the pretty sunshine girls, has it all planned out, but won't let me go. Bother. My Dark Adonis brought home a silly gosling that smells like pistachio cookies, and wants to replace his sun with the moon. It doesn't feel good, I don't think, think think think, and he won't let me play with the puppy boy. They don't let me do much at all around here. I find that very hurtful. Oooh, Lydia's back with dinner! He sounds lovely... |
||||||||
|
|
||||||||
|
||||||||
|
Thursday, April 25th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
When did I turn into an adult? No, seriously, when did it happen? Okay, so I've always been Little Miss Brilliant, I can "blame" that on Mom and Granma Kitty and Granpa Peter, but I've always tried to avoid the responsibility, too. Now I've got a set of twins that, oh, by the way, just happen to be sharing a body. And then let's make things really fantastic here, and have me great drunk with the guy of the two, who I have an insanely embarrassing crush on, and wooha!, next thing I know, we wake up married. That hangover sucked. Dad's always told me that life for Wisdoms happens to be full of irony and things that everyone but the family finds hilarious. Now I finally see what he means. So. I have to watch over Beau and Fiona. I can do that, I really can -- especially now that Corin's been a love and agreed to help me out (although I can't say that Nikolaos is as thrilled as I was) -- but, between you and me, Journal... Well, I miss Beau. A lot. Which doesn't mean that I don't think Fi's that greatest thing ever, but I worry about her. A lot. And that she won't even let Beau out for a second worries me even more. Between all that, having to make sure that Foster doesn't do anything insane like try and take them back, and then keep up the regular work that I promised Corin I'd do... Sometimes I really miss those carefree days where all I had to worry about was whether my latest program would flop, and if I could put more insurance on my bike. |
||||||||
|
Thursday, March 28th, 2002 |
|
||||||
I can't go home. No, that's not true -- I can, but much as I miss mi amante Lynda, I don't want to go back. What's there for me 'cept a bunch of vampires ready to decimate my posse? Mald?galo... That's not right, either. I love LA, as much as I love Lynda. Normally I'd want to be out of New York quick as possible and back home, ready to give that bastard Spike more trouble. I guess I do, deep down, but I just can't seem to make myself leave this place. Now that I found Kabuki, I've got a real opportunity waiting here for me, and passing it up... Well, that'd be stupido and then some. She's teaching me, and that's good. She's using me for her own gain, too, and I don't 'specially mind. She told me about Masoch, and what he tried to do to her. I don't understand it, but I want to kill him for it, anyway. Kabuki's taking me over. It's scary, but... But I want it that way. |
||||||
|
Sunday, March 10th, 2002 |
|
||||||||
Ordinarily, I can cope rather well with my life. My immortality (yes, I'm mentioning it in this bloody journal I've picked up again, and this one won't be seeing the hands of any Watchers for centuries to come, ta very much), is hardly something that leaves me thrilled most days, but I've accepted it. Or at least I thought I had. Suddenly, now that MacLeod's refused to take Julie in as a student, I'm seeing it all through new eyes. Julie's eyes, I suppose. She's so young... It isn't to say that the rest of the bloody world is not still toddling around in swaddling clothes compared to me, but the girl's hardly eighteen. It's been a long time since I've dealt with anyone that young in any way, nonetheless in the role of mentor. I almost feel sorry for her. When MacLeod first said no, I got upset and accused him of being too preoccupied with Julia, or whatever it is that she goes by. Entirely true, but now that I've had the chance to calm down and think things over... Well, I'm still upset with the bastard. Forty years later and he still has yet to make any headway on coping with Richie's death. I know that it hurt him, that it tore him apart even moreso because it was Duncan who killed him, and in a state of mind I can only describe as delusional at that, but life goes on. If anyone should be able to say that, it's me. This is the type of moment where I wish Dawson were around, whether it were to give MacLeod a solid kick of sense, or me a beer. Preferably the latter. Hell, at this rate, I might need some of the former myself. When was the last time I took in a new immortal? The only thing worse than Julie's having me to teach her right about now were if someone else to come along and just take her head. Which, I suppose, is my motivation. I didn't mean to, but I've realized that I like the girl quite a lot. There's something to her, the will to survive that I haven't seen in an immortal so young since... Well, ironically, since Richie, I think, and even his wasn't quite so strong. Not that I'd ever admit to it, but I just happen to be afraid... no, concerned that I'll screw this one up. MacLeod's the teacher of this lot, not I. Even Amanda might be an improvement. Of course, she's too preoccupied with reminding MacLeod of all their torrid love affairs, but the point's been made. Besides, how can I teach the girl if I keep noticing all the wrong things about her? I can leave getting her a new wardrobe up to Amanda, but how am I going to teach her how to defend herself if I keep getting distracted by how well she cleans up? And having her live with me? Not bloody likely. I've been called a dirty old man before without denying it, but there are certain places I set my limits. I'm far too old for her, even when it comes to physical appearance. That she's not interested (thanks for small favors, I might add) isn't much of a deterrent, either. It wouldn't be the first time that I've started out with such odds. Bloody hell... This is going to be impossible. Why did MacLeod had to say no? |
||||||||
|
Wednesday, December 12th, 2001 |
|
||||||||
I hate living the life of a recluse, but since Sue liberated me from the hospital, I've been too scared to go anywhere with anyone, nonetheless alone. Even Andy. Hell, even Mom. Except for when I stopped by to check on D'Angelo, but that was only because whoever those suits were that set me up also happened to mention him. I was worried, so sue me. Okay, bad and completely unintentional pun, but you know what I mean. I'm sure that the usual suspects are probably concerned about me -- hell, I'm concerned about me -- but for everything I've told them, they just don't know what happened, and I absolutely refuse to let any telepaths traipse about my brain right now. I don't want anyone to know just how afraid I am now. Sure, they've all seen me jump at my own shadow (that'd be a bad pun for Sue -- I'll have to mention it to her), but they don't know how much fear I've been restraining, either. I'm actually pretty impressed with myself, to be honest. I mean, okay, so I've been like the walking dead and I can't sleep unless Mom or Dad or Andy happen to be in the room, but... Well, if any of the family realized what's been going on in my head for the past couple of weeks, I think they'd lock me away. Chas, I expect, would pick up on it right away -- he's like that, the royal pain in the ass -- but thank all that's holy, he's been too busy with his own life. God bless Matty. I've taken an undetermined amount of time off from work (not really having anyone to answer to is nice like that sometimes), and I haven't been brave enough to go back to my apartment, so I've been living at the 'tute and in all the clothes Mom and Dad kept around in my old room. I've given up on finding Elyce's killer for now, too, and the pain that caused me is only lessened because the motherfucker's seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth, anyway. Living like this isn't living at all, right, I'm fully aware of that, thanks a lot, but... What else can I do? I don't know who those men were, or who they worked for, or anything, and they're still out there. It even occurred to me that I'd only be really safe if I were up on the Super Nova. I thought of talking to Sue or Mooj or someone, but... I can't. I can't give that much. If I do, I know that I'll snap completely, and I can't let this rule my life. I can't seem to shake it, either. |
||||||||
|
Tuesday, October 9th, 2001 |
|
||||||
Somewhere between Dallas and Ft. Worth, October 2001: Early morning in Texas, October in the air and biting. Weekending suburbanites cook breakfast, read newspapers, watch morning shows on television and sleep in. A scant few admire the lingering remnants of yet another stunning sunrise. Even fewer go for morning jogs, runs, power walks, or whatever the latest craze may be. The lone occupant of the fourth house on the less crowded half of the block would ordinarily be one of those running health nuts. She?s opted to stay in this morning. Michelle Sattler rarely needs more than two hours of sleep a night, but every now and then her nocturnal habits catch up to her. Yesterday was one of those days; she slept 27 hours almost straight, staggering out of her old bedroom just once, because she?d had a bad dream and wanted her Aunt Sarah to comfort her. Halfway down the hall, surrounded by framed photographs of her younger years and her dead father, Michelle had remembered that her aunt was dead now, too. Empty of any more tears, she had turned around and gone back to sleep. Now she is wide awake, well rested and fully coherent. She wanders down the stairs in a man?s dress shirt and white cotton socks, a toothbrush in her mouth while she rakes shower wet hair back from her face. She manages to turn on the computer she bought for her aunt the year before and switch the television to CNN as she makes her way to the kitchen, weaving through tasteful furniture that has never quite suited her own tastes. For a moment Michelle stares at the empty coffee machine, as though willing it to life. When nothing happens, she scowls at it and goes about rinsing toothpaste from her mouth at the kitchen sink. Perhaps not fully awake, then. Leaving her toothbrush on the counter, Michelle grabs a box of cereal that could rightfully call itself healthy were it not coated in sugar, and yawns in such a manner as to resemble a big cat. She takes the similarity a step further when she arches her back, seeming to contort more than stretch. When she hears a series of pops, she seems satisfied, and seats herself at the computer desk, opening an Internet connection and digging through the cereal box. She likes it except for the dehydrated marshmallows, and does her best to avoid them as she watches the computer monitor with sharp, pale green eyes. Michelle is an undeniably beautiful woman when she?s relaxed like this, but she?ll never believe it. For the most part, her looks mean little to her, or so she likes to think, and that is that. Getting to her e-mail account ? one of many ? takes only a minute, but her attention span wanders nevertheless, settling on the television across the room. She alternates between computer and TV, but the latter seems to continually win out. Or at least until she comes across one of the more recent letters inside her inbox. The handle Land Shark causes Michelle to rivet an unblinking gaze on the computer, and the letter from said carnivore seems to rouse her like nothing else has this morning. She reads it several times, although it?s unnecessary. Michelle has a memory like a steel trap, unless she deliberately wants to forget something. Tapestry, the letter reads. I was unable to contact you at home or on the road. Since when do you leave your cell off? If anything?s wrong, luv, give me a ring. You know which line to use. I?ve got a job offer for you from the King himself, and I think you might be interested in it. R. Michelle smiles without appearing to notice, but it?s hardly the kind of smile that people would respond to. No flash of teeth, no laugh lines. It?s a humorless smile, one that?s still strangely pleased. And though a normal one would be preferable, it looks strangely at home on her. The letter is quickly deleted since there is no further need of it, and while Michelle continues to breakfast on sugar-coated wheat, she grabs for the handset of her late aunt?s telephone. There are two phone lines in this house; Sarah Sattler, while aging, was always a woman to keep up with the times, and she latched onto the Internet with an ease people half her age would be quick to envy. From that steel trap memory of Michelle?s, she dials a long series of number. It?s an international call, and as the phone takes its time in ringing, Michelle watches a report on the stock market. The man she?s calling, the man who e-mailed her in the first place, is rightfully paranoid, and when he doesn?t recognize the number that pops up on his caller I.D., he lets the machine and its pre-recorded message take it. ?Ritchie, it?s Tapestry. I?m visiting some old ghosts, which is why you couldn?t get me.? Nothing. ?Pick up before I get bored with talking to your answering machine, Ritchie.? Still nothing, and Michelle rolls her eyes. ?Did I mention that I?m only wearing a pair of socks?? ?H-h-hullo, l-luv.? Much better. Even Ritchie?s intense stuttering combined with that thick Dublin accent of his is preferable to silence. Michelle smirks and slides the office chair she?s sitting in back, propping her feet up on the computer desk and crossing her legs at the ankles. ?Hi, Ritchie. Do you fall for that every time?? ?N-no. Only wh-when it-it?s y-y-y-y?? ?Me?? ?Aye.? Neither one of them knows of any Irishmen that use ?aye? in conversation anymore, but in Ritchie?s case it?s easier for him than ?yes.? It seems a shock that he would use the telephone at all in this age of information highways. Ritchie tends to think the same way ? he?s a modern day Don Juan in e-mail, but his conversations with Michelle always seem to go better when they?re on the phone. She has, he knows, little patience for computers and emoticons. ?So what does big, bad Shinobi Shaw want?? Michelle asks. Ritchie picks up on her excitement; she hates Shaw, finds him a loathsome little worm, but he always pays well, and for the adrenaline junkie like Michelle, his jobs ? as dangerous as they come ? are just as worthwhile as his checks. ?H-he w-wouldn?t g-give m-me any s-s-s-s?? ?Specifics?? ?Aye. J-just t-th-that it involves th-the H-H-Hellf-fire?? ?Hellfire Club.? ?Aye. And th-the R-R-Russian m-mafia and th-the Y-Y-Y-Y?? Michelle thinks for a moment. She has abandoned the cereal to chew on her thumbnail, and her interest in the television has waned. ?Yakuza?? ?Aye.? ?Shit.? ?Aye,? says Ritchie, amused. ?That?s is seriously heavy.? ?Aye.? ?Will you stop that?? ?Aye,? Ritchie says again, and it?s no task at all to hear the smile in his voice. Michelle rolls her eyes another time, but she?s smiling, and now it?s a normal smile. ?Did he say what kind of job it was? Wet job, heist, whatever?? ?P-pinch, although I th-think it m-m-might b-be s-s-s-s?? Ritchie gives up on whatever s-word he might be trying to use this time: ?something?. ??another th-thing, t-t-too.? ?Such as?? Michelle asks. Her patience with this man is infinite, it seems. Anyone else would have given up on making sense of what Ritchie has to say long ago. Tired of CNN, Michelle spies the remote control across the room. She doesn?t contemplate getting up, but stops chewing on her thumbnail and makes a little come hither gesture. The remote raises up into the air and flies its merry way into her open hand. On CNN?s current broadcast, yet another commentator is discussing the mutant threat. Michelle switches to the Sci-Fi channel. ?H-he s-s-s-s?? Somewhere in Belfast, Ritchie growls in frustration. He isn?t going to let this word beat him, goddammit. ??s-s-s-sounded angry.? Michelle smiles privately, pleased at her friend?s success. ?So he wants me to steal something from two of the most powerful pieces of the organized crime puzzle?? ?Aye,? Ritchie interrupts, rather pleased himself. It?s a minute triumph, but a triumph nevertheless. ??but hasn?t said what?? ?Aye.? ?And you think there?s something else at work here, too? A wet job, maybe?? ?Aye.? ?How much is he offering?? Ritchie grins. This is going to be the best part. ?A b-blank ch-ch-check.? Silence rides over the phone lines while Michelle takes what she just heard in. She has, of course, quite a nest egg stashed away thanks to a good number of years taking jobs as a mercenary, but after her aunt?s death three weeks ago, she divided it up and sent a large chunk of it off to various charities in Sarah Sattler?s name. Plus, money is money. A blank check could take her far. Far enough to screw Shinobi Shaw over. ?Tell him,? Michelle says after several minutes of silence, speaking slowly. ?Tell him that I need more details, or it?s no deal, and he can see how well Deadpool will do a job for him.? Ritchie lets out a bark of laughter. ?Aye. Anyth-thing e-else?? ?Not really, unless you?ve got more news for me.? ?N-n-no. B-but..?? ?But what, Ritchie?? ?Off th-the r-r-record?? ?Yeah?? ?Are y-y-y-y?? Another growl of frustration. ?G-going t-to t-take th-this?? ?Aye,? Michelle says, the less disturbing of the two smiles back on her face. ?Off the record, me foine bucko,? she warns, and though her passable Irish accent is teasing Ritchie with bad slang, there?s steel underneath it. Shaw isn?t to know that particular little detail quite yet. ?Aye,? Ritchie agrees. They part without good-byes, phone lines clicking once before they?re hung up. |
||||||
|
Tuesday, September 18th, 2001 |
|
||||||
Juan came in a few hours ago covered in blood, held up by two of the new recruits. He looked like hell, and an hour ago he slipped into a coma. No one knows who got him, but I saw the gashes on his neck. Lynda insists that it had to be a fledgling. I know better. Spike has been playing with my head for weeks now. I don't know why, but that motherfucker is gonna for what he did to Juan. Master vampire my Latina ass. ... Dios. I hope I can keep Lynda away from his coven. If I lost her... |
||||||
|
Tuesday, July 10th, 2001 |
|
||||||||
I'm on my way to the Institute right now. After I flubbed up my firearms test, I was forced to take time off. Now I'm wondering if I intentionally did it in some weird subconscious way. Earlier I paid Foster a visit. God, he's so confusing. I started out furious with him, and now... now I don't know. There were a bunch of points he made about the family, and about how they're -- we're -- just as bad as he is. I know that's at least partially true. There's no one for me to talk to about this, and I need to. Tay's busy, I know it, because she's always busy. Anyone else... well, I don't know. Maybe I'll just pay Aunt Amy a visit and go clubbing. There's a definite need for mindlessness right now, and that's always been the easiest way of blanking out for me. This thing with Foster's going to plague me, though, I can tell. Maybe he's right. Maybe I should just leave him alone. |
||||||||
|
Monday, July 9th, 2001 |
|
||||||||
Hank gave me a call last week and relayed a message from India. The translation I got was that Omni Co.'s now threatening me through my own family. I cannot believe that idiot Foster -- I made deals with him, and now he's threatening me! If he thinks that some sad little threats on my life are going to stop me from at least having an expose put out on his corporation, then he's sadly mistaken. That pompous prick. I need to go for a run before I get really pissed and break something. God! I have time off coming up. Maybe I should go home and visit Mom and Dad. Or maybe New York... for some weird reason, I've felt like I've needed to be there lately... |
||||||||
|
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2001 |
|
||||||
I finally have my sister back with me, and she hates me for it. Affording her schooling got to be too much, and I couldn't pay anymore. I've borrowed and begged, and stolen more than I'd like to admit. It's not enough. They kicked her out and now she's with me, but I don't know how long this can last. Not only does she despise me -- most of it's probably just her being a teenager, I know that (doesn't make it sting any less) -- but I still can't care for her. I'm too far in debt, in over my head. Every person I know would make a short joke right about now, except for maybe the line-walking Jedi. She's the only person other than Bryanne I know that's shorter than me. Ha. I'm not sure what to do, but I know that Bryanne can't stay with me. The life I have, it's too dangerous for her. I live on the streets, and she's always been sheltered. I just wish I knew what to do about this. |
||||||
|
Sunday, June 24th, 2001 |
|
||||||
I found him, that motherfucker who shredded Elyce to death. I finally found him, after picking up his scent at the crime scene and frequenting every popular club in the city. Oh my God. I'm going to kill him. I've never killed anyone before. I wonder what Mom would say if she knew. After this, unless I'm exceptionally careful, I'm going to have to retire Panther. I hope D'Angelo doesn't do anything about this. God, that bastard is so damn dead. |
||||||
|
Thursday, June 21st, 2001 |
|
||||||
At first I thought that Brid was just playing a joke on me, that I couldn't find her because maybe she was using her invisibility. But when I couldn't find her two hours later, all I could think about were those poachers we went up against when we first got to the dig. Guns don't always help, Daddy's told me that a million different times, so the one Brid had could have been totally useless. I know I panicked. I got back to the camp as fast as I could, but when I told Dev, the look on his face plainly said that if Brid was playing around, he didn't know about it. That successfully got me scared, and it's only been getting worse since the rest of the family's flown down to look for her. If I hadn't looked away from Brid, this wouldn't have happened. If I'd just paid attention, she'd still be here, having fun, and there'd be no reason for me to be so afraid. Oh, God, where is she? |
||||||
|
Thursday, June 14th, 2001 |
|
||||||
My parents were not meant to have children. Don't get me wrong, I do love them. But despite the airs I may put on, I'm not stupid. Dad is nervous around kids. Mom just wants adventure. The subject's never actually come up, but I'm pretty sure that I was a mistake. It doesn't particularly bother me -- after all, I'm here either way, nothing anyone can do about it (spare me, I'm not a Summers). But nevertheless, there are moments that I think of my family, if it could be called that, and wish that Elizabeth Braddock and Warren Worthington had never met. They're too self-absorbed to be good for each other. Sure, there are similarities -- they're also both beautiful, come from blueblooded lineages, and are sharp as a razor when it comes to their specialties. Which is why I'm guessing that they got together in the first place. I know that I'm the reason they got married. Remember, accident? Moving on. I got back from Louisiana last week after Dad sent me out on yet another business acquisition. He enjoys eating up the smaller companies far too much to be healthy; Mom says he needs a good bout of adultery in order to straighten out. She's probably right. Worthington Industries, after my snap decision, is now a co-owner of Jasmine Dreams. So it's a strip club -- personally, I enjoy tarnishing the pristine image Dad's publicists work so hard at maintaining for me. More importantly, Arabella was in financial trouble. I worry about her. Is it love? Please. I'm a Worthington, for God's sake. Lust? Naturally. She's beautiful. I like that. And she's just as much of a businesswoman as Mom could ever hope to be. Tristan insists that I see a kindred spirit in Bella. He's a romantic sap. We'd look good together, that's all. Besides, someone's got to look out for her -- Bella can't be the independent woman all the time. God, the look on Dad's face when I showed him the paperwork I had written up. I thought he was going to have an aneurysm. It would have been hilarious if I weren't sure that he was thinking of ways to kill me. Thank God we were in a public place, or I'd probably be in the obituaries right now. Not that my mother was especially pleased, either, but at least her face didn't turn any odd shades of violet. I want this to work out. More than that; this will work. It doesn't matter what steps I have to take in order to assure that Bella's business stays ahead. Maybe I ought to start calling favors in. |
||||||
|
Monday, June 11th, 2001 |
|
||||||||
I wonder if this is what my father felt like. Stacey has the Legacy. And she's pregnant. With my child. Mine. I never expected to have children. I never thought that Stacey might get sick. She's beautiful, and naive, of course, but still as close to perfect as I've ever seen before. That's saying quite a bit, when one considers that I live in Tinseltown. Everyone's perfect here, or at least on the surface. Everyone seems to think that I am. God knows that I'm not, though. A royal fuckup, that's me. Gorgeous? Yeah. Intelligent? I'm a goddamn razor, normally. And I've got Dad's charm. But a father? It never even occurred to me, the night that I slept with Stacey. She was there, I was hurting, and it just happened. It's never just happened before. Of course, I normally don't hurt, either. My mother died from the Legacy. It was fast, as I've been told (not by Dad, nor by Raven, but Aunt Kitty was generally pretty good about letting me know the truth). She was gone in under a week. As Stacey told it, she had about that much time, if she took off her cloak. That damn cloak. The thing I had her kidnapped for. I still want it, but gods, the conflict -- I want her, too. I want to have her again. I want to see how incredible a child two beautiful people are capable of creating. Raven taught me well, and I can see where I'm heading. Stacey? She's going to be my downfall, if she lives or if she dies. I'm screwed either way. I would never admit to being frightened, but I am. And yet, despite the threat she presents to me? To the empire I've built? I don't care. So long as she lives, I just don't care. |
||||||||
|
Friday, June 8th, 2001 |
|
||||||||
I spent the entire night watching Gwen sleep. Usually I can count on her to look peaceful then, in a way that she normally doesn't when awake. She's beautiful. And I'm an idiot. I don't know. I saw the look on Lita's face when we talked about her stepdaughter, the love of my life, smart, sexy, troubled Gwen. And I saw it again when that clone Anjay sent reacted to her. Lita was a friend of my mother's. I won't deny that I've never been a big supporter of adultery, under stress or not, and the fact that it's with CJ creeps me out, but... But family is family. Times like this -- if nothing else, Gwen's father's gone terminal -- times like this is when they should be helping each other. I was too afraid to ask about what happened with Anjay. I like to think that I've got a decent idea of what it was like. Hell, I just went through something similar, except they weren't genesplicing psychos. They were military fuckwads. They changed me, I know that. Before I would've asked Gwen about what happened, what she thought, what she felt, no matter what she wanted. But I don't want to talk about what happened to me. And I don't want to push her. Denial's in, then. She said yes. I finally stopped dancing around it and asked her. It wasn't the most romantic thing I've done for her, and it wasn't like I'd planned. It was desperate. "Marry me. Please." It was me wanting to hear yes, needing to know that she and I were a forever thing, that nothing could take us apart. When I consider how many people who've tried and failed, maybe I already knew that. It doesn't matter, though. The first time I saw Gwen postpubescent (for me, not her; she's seven years my senior, and yes, I realize that's not only a fact you don't discuss about a woman, but something she also has issues with), I knew, just knew, that she'd be the biggest chase I ever made. Bigger than Rachel, because I was of age, and she was lonely. I'm not sure exactly when it stopped being a game. That she was pregnant hadn't mattered to me in the first place. I think that it must have been the first time Anjay attacked her. When he raped her. Gwen was hurt because of her connection to me. The fear in her eyes was one of the worst things I've ever felt. After that, though... Sometimes I don't know myself anymore. It's a pretty common thing recently. But the biggest change that's been made? That's all Gwen's doing. She's given me an entire life. And she said yes. |
||||||||
|
LiveJournal for A Cast of Thousands.
|