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Even more insightful and/or idiotic ramblings just for subscribers, plus links to new content.

Most Popular Lists

25 Reasons Why McDonald's is Better Than the Catholic Church

Top 10 Rejected City Slogans Part 2

40 Ways to Fuck With a Bad Waiter

The 25 Most Inappropriate Things An Objectivist Can Say During Sex

See more lists...

Popular Editorials

Enough Photos of Firemen and Flags

On Triple Splitz-O Cups and Starving Children

In Defense of Large Fake Breasts
Published in Gallery Magazine.

The DOG Award
A critique of the National Youth Anti-Drug Media Campaign. Published in High Times magazine.

See more editorials...

Series Archives

9/11 Archive
Personal eye-witness accounts, commentary, and recommended reading.
(Serious stuff, from a very black month.)

The Self-Gratification of the Day Award
The award is no more, but you can check out the archive.

Ultimate Punk Cover Song Project
We've retired this list, so if you're interested in maintaining it on your own site, let us know.


Welcome to savethehumans.com, a magazine of humor, satire, and commentary for people who prefer thinking over not having enough frequent flyer miles to cover the cost of a trip to France to piss on those scumbags who spat on Lance Armstrong, being in the company of people pompous enough to condone the sacrifice of your tax dollars for their own personal charity projects, or going on the show Elimidate and not being allowed to discharge a firearm.
Find out more about us...

 

New
Rants: Outbursts | Editorials
Fun: Top-10 Lists | Crank E-mails
Lazy Sunday Afternoon Terrorist Threat
(8/2/04)

Two Johns, Two Whores
(8/1/04)

Real News
The funniest and weirdest news stories throughout the day, as reported by the major news sites.

Read or Post Comments
Don't forget to post a comment before you leave! Or just see what other people had to say. Recent post:
"All women have curves! Not just curves in our bodies, but curves in our lives."
(7/29/04)

Recent Stuff

I Guess It Depended on What the Meaning of the Word "Was" Was
Grammar lessons at the Democratic National Convention
(7/27/04)

It's An Abortion, Not a Tomato
Abortion and compulsory child support
(7/25/04)

Way Too Much Ass Muscle Analysis
(7/25/04)

Super Size This
(7/21/04)

Porn, Sex, Wedding Rings, and Stupid Google Tricks
(7/15/04)

Not that there's anything wrong with that...
(7/13/04)

New Shows That Take Reality TV to the Next Level
(7/5/04)

News! New Tech Device Helps Parents Protect Kids' Minds

50 Fun Things to Do During Confession

Official 2004 Presidential Endorsement

The e-mail from Google I wish I never received

Take our banner, please
New animated ad to steal and put on your own site
11/17/02

Favorites!

My Rejected Yahoo! Personal Ad

Male on Male Rape May Cause Tooth Decay, Study Shows

Rational Marriage Vows for Men

Mostly 80's Television Episodes That Didn't Make It Past the Censors

Lists
41 Stupid Things to Do in a Men's Public Restroom
43 Pranks to Play at Work That May or May Not Get You Fired

Outbursts
Hard Rock T-Shirts and Other Annoyances

When is a Woman's Ass Not an Ass?

E-tarded E-mail!
Actual e-mail correspondence, taking the crank call into the new millennium.
Healthy Highways (author and talk-show guest) BaringWitness.org (naked "peace" activism)
TheUnsungHero.com (inspirational posters)
Lambert Dolphin's Resources (science and the Bible)

The 10 Amendments
The 10 Amendments to the 10 Commandments, should humanity encounter an alien race.

Unseen Movie Reviews
Just because we haven't seen it, doesn't mean we can't review it.
I Am Sam
John Q
Radio

Our EZpoll account was cancelled due to "inappropriate site content".
Read the correspondence between us and them.

Amusing Search Keywords
Actual keywords people typed into search engines like Google to find this site. It's great that we can be a resource for "printable shower games", "vagina mold kit", and "she noticed bulge".

 
Weekly Poll
What's a more diplomatic way for politicians to describe terrorists?

Freedom fighters
Misunderstood misanthropes
Single but looking
That small number of individuals who have corrupted a noble religion


Current Results

 
Elsewhere...
Funnier than Howard Dean
DNC Convention Director Don Mischer: "Jesus! We need more balloons. I want all balloons to go, goddammit."
7/31/04

Check out partner in mockery and long-time contributor to this site Aaron Kendall's new Flash game, the Stand-Up Comedy Simulator. It's taken me long enough to link to it, so make sure you check it out. If you get lucky, a female fan will flash you, too.
7/27/04

Palestinians 'made millions' selling cheap cement for barrier they bitterly oppose
Hypocrisy in Arafat's cabinet? You don't say.
7/25/04

Thunder
I'd like to attribute boxer Arturo Gatti's success to the fact that he left Montreal and moved to Jersey City. But hard work might have something to do with it, too.
7/25/04

Court Rules Sperm Donor Must Pay Support
I guess it's "her body" and "a woman's choice" only until she realizes she can't pay for the goddamn kids. Then it's "their kids" and "their responsibility".
7/24/04

Previous recommendations...

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