Saera's LiveJournal Entries [entries|friends|calendar] Saera [ website | mah website ] [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Angelfire is Garbage. [27 Jan 2002|08:52pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Deana Carter - Strawberry Wine (dont ask...) ] Hello. I just decided that I hate angelfire. It's good for making sites and all but when you try and get images posted on different sites it doesn't work because ANGELFIRE IS GARBAGE. Sorry. Anyways, I keep saying this, but sorry I haven't written in a long time. Since like, Christmas, but sorry. I have been online lately, Just working on my new website and getting that working. I'm gonna change the link here soon. Not much is going on in my life right now. Alot of bad things happening or have already happened. I think that's what makes me miserable the majority of the time - I'm practically traumatized for life with everything that's happened to me as a child. You wouldn't want to know what went on. Changing the subject, I just got home from my dad's about an hour or so ago. I'm not liking it there lately (my brothers a dick) and I can't stand it...Here or there. Both horrible. I guess I'm better off here - More friends, boyfriend, and other stuff. Anyways, I should go. Im tired. Need sleep. See you all later, I'll try and remember to write more often. Bye! -=saera=- post comment

Merry X-Mas to all. [24 Dec 2001|03:04pm] [ mood | accomplished ] post comment

hehehehe [24 Dec 2001|02:02pm] [ mood | creative ] The most stupid thing I've ever done you ask?? I'd have to say...Hotboxing my bathroom, when knowing my parents would be home that night....and they ent up being early! Sonsabitches... Never got caugh :D post comment

Merry Christmas Peoples [24 Dec 2001|01:58pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Maralin Manson - Fight Song ] Hey, I decided to come online and change the colors and stuff on my website and LJ. I haven't written for a long time and I apollogize for that. I've been caught up with school work and personal issues. You know how it is. But it's Christmas Eve Day..God, it doesn't feel like it at all. Christmas is supposed to be such a happy time of year, and it seems like each year, the older I get, the less happy it is. I mean, I'm a peer helper at my school and I've had so many people come talk to me because their parents are far away, someone died, they don't have much money, and it's really sad...My father talked to me about it and he says that since we've grown up and I don't live with him anymore (I live with my mom) that Christmas isn't the same, that the things he looked forward to were taken away from him...On a higher note, I think this Christmas I'm getting my own webcam and scanner! If not, I have enough money to afford them left over...It's amazing how much money I have left this year compared to last. Oh, Except I didn't buy my boyfriend his gift yet :( He didn't tell me what he wanted so I told him I'd get him something after Christmas. Enough about Christmas...I think I shall go now. I haven't cut recently... Merry Christmas! post comment

Hey [09 Dec 2001|09:47pm] [ mood | awake ] Thought I'd write in here with a little hello...It's almost ten at night and I'm really tired and bored and just got done doing homework. I got home from my dad's house not too long ago and I'm kinda happy that it's snowing for once...It should've been snowing about a month ago. I didn't do anything at all this weekend at my dad's...I cleaned my room, Played with my adorable kitten and faught with my brother alot. I wish I had alot of money and that I could spend that money on me instead of everyone else on christmas. I mean, I love buying people stuff but it's one of those days where you feel like you need everything. Oh well. post comment

Before I leave.. [23 Nov 2001|06:26pm] [ mood | accomplished ] I thought I'd write before I leave for my fathers house for the weekend. He was supposed to be here 3 hours ago but he's not here yet...What else is new? He's not the type of person to be on time...Today was alright. I just hung out around school, wishing people weren't loud and immature since I had a migraine. People are assholes. I got in a fight with one girl because I old her friend to shutup, that was quite funny...Think I'm scared of her. Anyways, Better look out for ass hole, I mean dad...uhmm..see ya post comment

Hey... [23 Nov 2001|07:45am] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | Marilyn Manson - The Nobodies ] I have about 10 minutes to screw around this morning...Decided to try and be occupied so I don't cut, though this isn't very occupying. This morning I got in a fight with my mom...I hate it so much when we argue - I get quite upset. I goto school at 7:50 everymorning...well..I leave for the bus then. I get at school for 8:45. That's pathetic right there when if I went to school in town it would only take about 15 minutes. What a bunch of hippy bull shit. Anyways, Guess I should go now...Talk when I get home. post comment

another quiz [22 Nov 2001|06:08pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Marilyn Manson - Antichrist Superstar ] name : Saera Elizabeth date of birth : April 9th sex : Female height : 5'3 star sign : Aries distinguishing marks : The scars on my arms, and ankles... the record that annoys me the most in the world is : Anything poppy. my most disgusting habbit is : Playing with my piercings, picking wedgies in public my granny always used to say to me : "What are you wearing???" my favourite game is : The sims my biggest fashion mistake ever was : Going preppy i look my best when : No ones there to see it. i always feel a bit queasy when i think of : Dog shit you can tell i'm attracted to someone when i : Flirt. my beauty secret is : None, Im ugly if i was a pair of underwear, i'd belong to : Gavin the weirdest rumour i ever heard about myself was : I fucked all my guy friends I hang with the weirdest dream i ever had was : Stabbing my ex-boyfriend Lennie 3 times in the chest. this is really embarressing, but i still can't : Snap my fingers the lyrics of my life are : "Were the nobodies, wanna be somebodies, when were dead, you'll know just who we are" when people meet me, they're always surprised by my : Crazy eyeliner, Niceness the most shameful thing i ever did was : Blame alchohol for ..my mistakes the weirdest thing about the opposite sex is : Their obsessions. i always cringe when i hear : Nails on a chaulkboard. the best advice anyone ever gave me is : "Don't do anything I wouldn't" - Tanya the following words should be on my grave : game-over my undies are : Black with red and yellow flames i get scared when i : Gain weight if i was an animal i'd be : A cat i'd describe myself in a lonely hearts column as : Lonely, most likely. when people see me in the street they shout : "ey, Saera, are you a goth?" unless im in town.. when i look at myself in the mirror i usually say : "Do I really look this bad?" my favourite thing to take in the shower is : smelly shower gell..mmm.. the most irritating person in the world is : Damian!! argh. on a bad hair day i : Wear my hair up when i was a baby i was : Adorable my mum still doesn't know i : I didn't stop self mutilating i think the teletubbies should be : shot i'm always being told off for : giving my opinion love is : scary, confusing but lotsa fun my first ever kiss was : scary, confusing but lotsa fun my first ever shag was : scary, confusing and definately NOT fun i'm truely happy when i eat : Ice cream when i'm down i : Complain post comment

[22 Nov 2001|05:53pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Marilyn Manson - President Dead ] ACK. Sorry I haven't written on this thingy for a while. So much has been going on I kind of got wrapped up in it. Life's so hard for me right now, but I'm making it through! I shouldn't complain on here, because it probably just makes people not want to read my journal... Recently alot of people found out about my cutting. It all started when I was in class, and stephanie (one of the preppy girlies) screamed out Why are there cuts on your arm?!?! and I tried to ignore it but people kept trying to sneak a look at my arm...I thought I was gonna go insane! So Stephanie went and told my principle. The principle didn't call me up or anything, I was suprised, but instead I went to talk to one of my peer-helper friends who told me they would never tell the teachers I cut..But he said it was in the best interest to tell Mrs. Ryan. So we told her, and she talked to me for a long time about stuff. She says she doesn't think any differently of me, which I was scared she would, and she actually comforted me. Ever since then we've been pretty close. I talk to her most days. I go see a councillor now, which I guess is good. He's trying to help me stop cutting, but so far it isn't going too well. I have hope. I guess that's all I can really do (try). My friends going through some rough times...His father was in a standoff on Sunday I think it was. His mom, him, and his sister got into a fight with his father and he has a horrible temper. It's so uncontrolable...you don't know what will happen I guess (from what I'm told). I guess he said he was going to hurt himself, went into a store they owned and locked himself in there. The police fortunately got him out..He's alive...He has some charges though. You know the tabloids - make stories worse than they seem is their motto. I'm doing pretty good in school, interestingly enough. I'm not the kind of person who gets good grades alot but I've been trying really hard. I need the high marks. It makes life easier, or so it seems. I don't have as many people on my back for late work and stuff, and besides that, I've been home most nights lately so I have some time for homework. Having insomnia helps. Sorta. Anyways, I guess I should be going...So I hope someone actually reads the garbage I wrote here and replies for once ;) Not saying you guys don't reply, just not often. See ya soon. like tha pic? -=saera=- 2 comments|post comment

Again. [17 Oct 2001|10:42pm] [ mood | cynical ] [ music | JOJ - Star no star ] 01. What's your name: Saera Elizabeth 02. What do you wish your name was, instead: I personally like Saera 03. How are you: I'm alright 04. Would you ever eat sushi? I don't think 05. Would you ever eat sushi off a naked body? Depends who's body 06. Have you considered homosexuality? yep. 07. What's your sexual preference? Female 08. What were you in a past life? I was an Indian 09. I punch you. Quick, what do you do: Kick you in the nuts. 10. When confronted with Britney Spears, you: Scream and Run 11. What's your favorite coffee? Anything with Caffiene is fine 12. What's your political perspective? ... 13. Are you my Angel? Of course 14. Do you consider yourself a poet? Oui, mon Cheri 15. What do you wanna be when you grow up? Singer, or a psychiatrist 16. There's a naked man in your living room. What do you do: laugh 17. How stupid do you think you are? Very stupid.. 18. How stupid do other people think you are? They don't think I am 19. Who the hell do you think you are? A "gothic whore" haha. 20. Is the Wonderbra good or bad?: It does wonders. 21. If you could levitate, who would you scare first? Mandi 22. What's your favorite fruit? Strawberries 23. Can you feel the love tonight? Not really 24. On a nude beach, you would: be nude 25. Make up a story with yourself, a bridge, and a bunny: One day, me and my bunny decided to go for a lil walk. While going on our little walk, we came across a bridge and decided to go skinny dipping. I never knew how free it was to swim naked. 26. What do you think about contemporary art? Stuff 27. Do you like being naked? Of course..o0o 28. If we had proof god didn't exist, what would happen? Appologize 29. Do you enjoy cheeze whiz? Yes. 30. What's your position on virginity: I don't have a position 31. On civil unions: uh. 32. On RuPaul: EUGH. 33. On mosquito bites: welts. 34. On bad sitcoms: they're bad. 35. On Fran Drescher: *stab* **** n other **** Name: Saera Age: 14 Have you ever... 3. been kissed? Yes 4. done drugs? Yes 5. eaten an entire box of Oreos? Yes 6. been onstage? Yes 7. dumped someone else? Many Times 8. gotten in a car accident? Yes 9. been in love? Sadly, Yes Either/or... 16. coffee or hot chocolate? Coffee 17. big or little? Big 18. lace or satin? Lace 19. new or old? New 20. Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt? None of the above. 21. Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt? Brad 22. Vogue or Material Girl?: neither 24: (I'm assuming this is: "Have you... in the last 24 hours.") Been on too many drugs. 28. rose or lily? Rose 29. the way it is or the way it was? The way it is. Have you ever.. 33. cried? Yes 34. helped someone? Kinda 35. bought something? Yes 36. gotten sick? Yes 37. gone to the movies? Yes 38. gone out for dinner? Yes 40. written a real letter? Oui 42. talked to an ex? Many times 44. written in a journal? Yes Do you... 51. wear eyeshadow? Yes 52. put on a front? Never. 53. kiss on the first date? Of coarse 54. have a crush on someone? Yes 55. eat with your mouth open? Nope 58. What was the last CD you bought? I don't buy, I burn. 64. Are you wearing pajamas? Yes! Random questions: 26. Favourite pants/skirt colour? Black and/or Denim 27. Favourite top/shirt colour? Red and/or Black 28. Most expensive item of clothing? Some long dress like shirt. 29. Most treasured? Necklace from my father 30. Boots or shoes? Boots 32. Extrovert or introvert? Sure. 42. Are you moody? Hell yeah 43. Use five words to describe what you feel inside: Pesimistic, Depressed, alone, serious, yet happy...? 44. Do people know how you feel? Some of them 48. Worst fault? Crying. 60. Favourite bands/artists ever? Too many for a fav. 61. Most listened to bands currently? JOJ, Nickle Back, Cradle of Filth, Samael, Linkin Park, Slipknot, Kittie, Mudvayne...too many 62. Can you play an instument? Many 63. Type of music listened to? Everything but mainly Metal 64. Type never listened to? I listened to it all. 65. Books? Any V.C.Andrews 66. Films? Scary ones. Weewooooo...I did it again. Sorry. I'm bored and some answers changed, so HAH. Anyways, See you guys later and I hope the new layout shitty thingy isn't to bright, lemme know if it is. falala... -=saera=- post comment

Rant [16 Oct 2001|07:12pm] [ mood | bitchy ] [ music | Jack Off Jill - Nazi Halo ] I hate how I have nothing to rant about, when laat night, I had so many fucking god damn ideas. I only remember one, and that's a band name...Peters Pussy!hah. What a looser, you must be thinking..Well, My rant, my rant. I have nothing. Absolutely nothing to write about. This sucks. And yeah. I'm sick. Rant. Yeah...w0000...Drugs are good...... DRuGS aRe GooD. 1 comment|post comment

bonjourno [10 Oct 2001|09:41pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | crap rap ] Today was cool. I didn't do much, allthough I was at school. Just sat around and slept half the day. I got alot of my clothes back from Melissa. She's my friend..We're always trading clothes and forgetting we have them. I have a dance tomorrow too, so that's something to look forward to. It's going to be good I hope...Some of them really suck. Oh well. I'd show you some pics but no matter how hard I try they DONT wanna go on here...So goto this website: Picture une me 3 comments|post comment

Hello [09 Oct 2001|07:45pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | Linkin Park - In the end ] Hey peoples, I haven't written for a while so I decided to do so today. Right now I'm alright, but I could be better. I've been better than usual though. Nothing's ever perfect, but that's alright! I was told I was ugly today by a stupid preppy jock boy and I just told him atleast I don't look like I have pizza smeared all over my face..hah. I'm not usually so mean. Unless of course, they do something to me and I feel every right to return the favour. I also had band today. But like, I was having one of my manic-depressive spree's where I was so happy and giddy and I was going insane...Fun. My band teacher made a comment about me being short, and I slapped him. It was halarious. HAH. I love band. Haha....Anyways, gotta jet. Never said that ne before. 5 comments|post comment

A bit better [27 Sep 2001|08:40pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Creed - My own prison ] Thouhght I'd write a few lines and say how I'm a little bit better now. Nothing will ever be perfect, but I realize that. I realize I can't change what happened before. I'm me, if you don't like me, screw you...har har. Anyways, I have long finger nails now. They're pretty bendy because I don't get calcium...I hate milk. Should've been dead on a sunday mornin' banging my head..bleh bleh bleh post comment

Life is hard [18 Sep 2001|05:52pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | Metallica - Unforgiven ] I'm so sick of this life...It's so hard, difficult, and nothing ever seems to end. It's always fight after fight, and no one cares about me...No one has the time to think of me and how I'm Manic Depressive, I can't deal, I can't do it anmore! I know I get upset so easily...I know I shouldn't...but it's me. Me, the one no one understands. 4 comments|post comment

Hey Everyone [15 Aug 2001|10:41pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | Tool - Schism ] How is everyone doing? It's been a long while since I've written and there are many reasons for that...I want to get in touch with all you livejournal friends again since we haven't talked for so long. I kinda miss that, seeing as you guys would email me. I just got home, and I'm sitting on my ass with my poofy hair in my face and nice smudging eyeliner...wooooo.. At the start of the summer I guess you could call it..well..actually around July, I was almost raped by one of my brothers friends. I was just reading on my bed when one of them came in drunk and tried to get on top of me but I screamed and resisted him until some other friend of my brothers came in and beat him up...That was horrible, and his other friend didn't come in until about 15 minutes after he had came in and threatened to kill me...After that, I end up cutting really deep and had to go get that checked up...It was really bad. Anyways, I really don't want to talk about that kind of stuff right now. I'm in kind of a good mood since I only just got home. What else did I do this summer...Well...I went to a bunch of my friends houses and most of the summer I was either stoned or drunk. I tell ya, When you're not used to getting stoned 3 and 4 times a day, and you do it every day for a week, it really wears ya out!! It's horrible trying to walk home with cottonmouth. I went to my dad's for two weeks, and I just got home today. I don't really like it there and now I'm scared I'll get killed or raped or something so I put a chair in front of my door...It's hard to explain but it stops people from getting in somehow. Well, I met a new guy and I'm really happy about it. He's really nice, and sweet, though he's not "hot" (what tha fuck does it really matter?!). He really seems to make me happy when I'm with him! He tells me I'm nice, I'm pretty, That I have a great personality...I don't hear that too often you know. I wish I knew him more, but for now it's great. I get to see him on Saturday! woowoo! WELL, i guess I should be going, so I'll write sooner this time! See you all later and don't forget to comment if you're reading this...I miss you all so much!!!! Love. Saera 2 comments|post comment

Saera is back [11 Jul 2001|10:35pm] Hey ppl. I'm deciding to write in here, since it's around 10:30pm and I'm bored outta my mind. Lately I seem to be sinking into depression more and more...Nothing is helping me to snap out of it either. I just cry and cry and cry...Uncontrollably. No one seems to understand what I'm going through, or they think I'm just exaggerating...but I'm not. They don't know what it's like to live through what I have, they don't know what it's like to have these horrible memories fill their heads, they don't know what it's like to want to cut, they don't understand. Not that I can blame them for this, but I envy their lives. They all seem to be happy. I just wish I was! My liquor must be wearing off...I had quite a bit to try and be happier...It worked for a while, I don't know. Anyways ......Saera is off. She has to go throw up. -=saera=- post comment

:0) [29 Jun 2001|09:34pm] [ mood | amused ] [ music | none ] So school is finally out, and I am so glad. I passed, which came to a suprise to me, seeing as I figured I'd fail Math or Science atleast. They have some new way of marking us and it confuses me. I wasn't sure if I passed or not at first. So yeah, I'm pretty happy and I'm also happy I have $100.00 now. Tomorrow I might be going to some Metalfest thing, but I don't know. It all depends if I have a drive or not since my mom doesn't like to take me places, and she doesn't know where it is anyways. Supposedly some girl named Chevone that goes to my school called me and my best friend sluts. It doesn't suprise me that someone would say something about me, it suprises me that it was someone who puts on a nice front...the kind I hate. But yea, Ive not made plans for summer. I might go camping for a while, and get drunk...Which brings back AWFUL memories from last summer. Oh well. Thats life. So I'll see you guys around :0) I haven't cut myself for four weeks! w00! -=saera=- post comment

The curly hair is a poof ball. [25 Jun 2001|07:47pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | My singing of the horrid. ] God damn this curly hair of mine, that doesn't want to go "curly" but "poofy" ..of coarse! But what else is new? I hate my hair..I should just shave it off and be done with it. If it's not curly and poofy, it's straight and poofy. And if it's wet? we wont go there! That's just horrific. I wish I were a straight, thin haired person...Life would be much easier. Today was alright. I went to school though I really didn't need nor have to go. I plan on going tomorrow too because of something to do with band. The shitty thing about that is, I might have to sing for a concert that night :| Poor Saera! Anyways, today. I thought I was dying slowly because of no reason, and it was scary. We also watched a movie called 'Schindlers List" and it was so sickkkkkkkk. Sick I say, Sick. I was also told I was sooo pesimistic. But that's alright, seeing as it's a known fact :0) Well, I hope tomorrow I don't feel as if I'm slowly dying, and I also hope I don't feel as depressed as usual. All I can say is "what wishes". Seeing as I figure I'll always be depressed, I guess it's just a wish not to be. My wishes never come trueeee..damn youuuu. Well, Off I am to the depressing thoughts of life. -=slutty saera=- post comment

[22 Jun 2001|06:32pm] [ mood | lazy ] [ music | Jack Off Jill - Swollen ] Sorry I haven't wrote for so long, you guys. I've been busy and hardly online long enough to write a sentence. Since the 13th, much has happened. I went to the dance, though it wasn't much fun, and decided I'd like to go alone. It was alright, I felt it was a waste of seven dollaz...Oh well? I'm aloud to wear my collar again, which is perfect, but I don't think I like wearing it much in the summer anyways. Ms. Spence is actually being nice, mainly because it's close to the end of school and my mom told her off...I'll leave out the details. Anyways, Just wanted to let everyone know that I'm alright, Im alive, and that I'll write more later. See ya! 2 comments|post comment

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