Thursday, July 4th, 2002
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12:24 am - my heart
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I am going to be a wreck at the end of the summer. A complete wreck. I cant imagine having to leave him. for our anniversary he got me this heart tiffany's necklace I've been wanting. I got us default tickets . hmmmm i looks like a cheap bastard. and i havent actaully recieved them yet. grr i guess nantucket can be part of my present too. im siked for the 4th and all the goins on. i plan on going to the parade as is the tradition and then going to a bbq and maybe another one. and then the next day i have to get shots!!! what!? im gonna diE! maybe ill get over this fear someday. we'll see well im off to the a.c. aka bed
current mood:  indescribable
current music: the pushstars
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Wednesday, July 3rd, 2002
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12:42 am
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MY FAV NEW BAND!!! : The PushStars
MY FAVORITE NEW SONG : Any Little Town
Everytime you smile
It takes me quite a while to recover
And everytime you cry
I find I'm searching for the rock I can crawl under
This could be any little town
There must be mountains crumbling somewhere
If I could take you there
I'd hold you 'till we vanish into thin air
It's crazy how I love you
This could be any little town
...Sane when she sees me
This could be any little town
...Insane so she frees me
This could be any little town
...Sacred and easy
So I went running up the street
Almost forgot that I had feet searching for something
Just peeling out my crazy eyes
Feeling the full affect of lies left me with nothing
Oh, someone said to me today
Son, you'll run your life away dancing and dreaming
But, I could hear beneath the haze
Of this hopeless lifeless days his heart was screaming
It's crazy how I’ve run thru you
Yes it's crazy how I've run thru you
This could be any little town
...Sane when she sees me
This could be any little town
...Insane so she frees me
This could be any little town
...Sacred and easy
So it might take a lot of time
I might be last in a long line
Of men to love you
Should I kick and twist and scream
Or could I just lay back and dream and think of summer
Oh, there'd be no one else around
Just you and I and the sound of us breathing together
Stuck in this crumbling little town
We'd be happy just to lie down there forever
It's crazy how I love you
Yes it's crazy how I love you
How I love you
How I love you
Yes it’s true
...Any little town
...Sane when she sees me
This could be any little town
...Insane so she frees me
This could be any little town
...Sacred and easy
Oh, This could be any little town
...Sane when she sees me
Oh, This could be any little town
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Thursday, June 27th, 2002
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1:53 pm
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well i have been busy but i wish i had updated more. all ive been doing is babysitting and working ugh. its good for money but not for fun. i have had fun though i just want more.
update:
`brianne's grad party in the cape. was sooo fun we spent the day on the beach and had a bbq and played a mad game of volleyball. we were really good.
`had my party good times it was really hot in the loft. quincy boys came- andy, c-rad, brandon and andrew. they spent 90% of the time making fun of this kid at my party becuase of the color of his shirt and because he was playing basketball with himself.they were really mature. mike didnt want to meet them. thats just him really jealous, but really andy and i are through.
`went to the doctor yesterday and i was all psyched up for my shots and then they come in and say they ran out and i have to come back next week grrr.
`it was 94 yesterday so mike patrick and i went to brant rock beach in marsy. then i babysat at night and again this morning and now im here :)
Im getting so excited for nantucket:):):):)
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Thursday, June 13th, 2002
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1:47 am - night owl susie
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i cant sleep anymore. i sleep late and its a bad habbit. tomorrow im going to wake up at 10:00 AM!!
Last night i spent the night in marsh-vegas with the martians and i was dragged to the worst movie ever. dont see undercover brother. i wanted to leave the theater. it sucked the big one. then we hung out at the beach and talked about our youth slipping away, jasons more than ours but oh well. i cant believe he leaves tomorrow- or today rather.
Today....my my my. its all started off with driving gram's buick to get her hair done. so i chilled in the bagel bop with lizzy until she was all pretty. then we wheeled her home again after a little mcdonalds of course. then we left at 4:20 for the gals lax game in needham but it was a long drive much longer than we expected. obv we got lost FOR THREE HOURS!!!! we stopped at the sam gas station twice and we got to the highschool only to find out the game isnt there. its at some other field!! and i swear no one in needham knew where this thing was. i mean bridget and elizabeth were at the field and they couldnt even tell us how toget there!! it was like the twilight zone we all started to go a little crazy! we were moody and hungry and lost and had to pee and all crowded! we finally found it at about 6:30 and there was 3 minutes left and we fucking lost !!! by one or 2 points! it was ridiculous!!!##!2r723845678 i was so pist it was just like no we cant lose. we didnt just lose. we got lost and then we lost. bad scene.
then i got home to the mother nagging me about making my schedual for next year. so i did then mum and pops said they needed to talk to me. so we had a little chat becuase they saw my rolling papers in my car, which granted i did leave blatently out but come on seriously they were the biggest hippies. oh my so they were just like oh be careful and smart. ugh. whatever. so ya.
tomorrow.hopefully getting stir-fry with mike after 11 (when he gets off) and before 1 when i have work until 5 ugh. then im hauling ass to jasons to catch him before he leaves for the friggen army. a big truck is coming by to pick him up and grab a few more kids and then he sleeps in a hotel in boston for a night, does some paper work and then hes shipped off. its sounds like hes a piece of meat. you dont ship people off. i dont like the army. anyway i dont really know what to say or how to act. i just want to be there for mike. i mean ive never seen him cry but these two boys are inseperable, best friends. i dont know really what to expect. and then im sure mikes gonna want to do something tomrrow night. i doubt hell be in the mood. i just dont know if he will want to be alone or what. i just dont know. its complex. over my head.
good night its out of control late.
current mood: awake
current music: jack johnson
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Tuesday, June 11th, 2002
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12:58 am - stary skies
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this is what it said on the wheather tonight. i thought it was really cool becuase i always look for the stars and its good to know when you'll be able to see em. i always look for the big dipper. but the stars wont be out again this week, its going to be cloudy allll week which is exactly why i cant have my party!! ugh.
Jason, mikes best bud, is leavign for the army on thurs. against his will. he doesnt want to go anymore but they wont let him out.its a really messed up situation. so mikes been down in the sumps lateyl. im just trying to let them spend as much time together as possible. they're going to a red sox game tomorrow, becuause they promised that they would go together before they went to college. and that time in a way has abruptly come. jay's being really positive about it saying how the money will really help and then he can go to a college when he gets out in two years. i just think its really sad.
current mood:  grateful
current music: love song for no one- johnmayer
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Saturday, June 8th, 2002
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11:46 pm - One Red Rose
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ok so i had a pretty bad day besides katie's awsm party with unreal food. i had to work at 5 so i couldnt go to any other grad parties and when i got home before work lucy had taken a shit and jack had completely ripped up an entire roll of toilet paper. i mean it was everywhere. and mike called in the middle of all this. so it wasnt a pretty sight. and ive been really sick lately so i havent gone out and i hadnt see him blah blah. so after work at 1030 i was walking out to my car and there was one red rose on my car. i almost started crying. it said feel better. obviously i immeadiately did.
it scared me sometimes because he is such a good boyfriend. he hasnt done anything wrong and he doesnt seem like hes going to. it almost annoying. sometime i would just like him to do something wrong. i mean nothing its just one thing after another. it makes me feel like a bad girlfriend becuause i feel like all hes doing is buying me things and doing nice things for me, i feel like he does what i want him to do. its weird. its probably just my perception. and my over analysis. as perusual.
tomorrow is wassons im really excited. im going with mama-dukes. i still feel like im full from fallons though. mmmm good food. probably the best so far and there's only a few parties left!! props to the fallons for the good desserts. im getting excited for john mayer!!!
current mood: adored
current music: john mayer- why georgia
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1:13 am
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An amazing start to an amazing summer!!!--> Dispatch. Liz Susie boobs and andy
Such a good concert. pat Mcgee band was good only knew a few of their songs but it was a good starter. mostly mingled around outside with the 1000000 people we knew there: matt koelsh nora k, paul mitchell, evan cart., molly lawson, elanor lawson, emily copeman, kerri shaunghnessy, katie pinch, liz morrison, brad from weyma, courtney walle, matt obrien, caitlin murphy, darcy k, maria zade, susanah hardy, etc. and the two most random. 1. PAT from camp burgess when liz and i were literally 12 and he remembered us. we recognized him before and then finally i grabbed him and i was like pat! hi it took him a second but it was like a hayward burgess reunion. 2. Morgan Piles aka morgasm. i saw her and stared her down until she saw me and we did the typical screaming jumping girl thing that is so annoying. she was with bbn friends but we talked for a while it was good to see her. ok so back to the concert.
it started with a screen saying look behind you and we looked up and there they were brad chad and pete up on some rafters!! it was great they did a little begining song up there adn then came down and opened up with mission and then played 2 new songs then played bang bang --sooo good. then 2 more new songs and then out loud and the general and railway and part of whirlwind and closed with the ayiyiyi song i dont know the name i think it;s come on or come in something like that. i think the best part of the evening was when andy and i were sitting down looking at our new t-shirts drinking watered down expensive beer with the sun going down and we look over and we see a couple going at it randomly making out. we thought it was histerical. we loughed for a while. i thought this is what its like to be young random hook ups and good music. ahhh. there were so many good looking people there , girls and boys. all nice looking and obv good taste in music.all in all a 10 on the scale and i get to go back in about a month for john mayer. ok well long day and 5 grad parties tomorrow before i work ugh till 10 grr. oh well. tomorrow will be my first day without seeing mike. that scares me that its the first. whats wrong with me>?good night susie.
current mood:  chipper
current music: dispatch- bats in the belfry
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Wednesday, June 5th, 2002
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12:44 am - your body is a wonderland
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oh my mike got us john mayer tickets for my graduation present!!! i totally freaked out it was the best present. actually he was working on dave tickets but they really are impossible to find aparently. tonight we went to spiderman with eli and korri. while i was walking him out to hid car, as is our ritual, he just said the words "one month" it took me a while to get it but i did. it was so cute. he was like its today becuase it was past 12. at least i know the date now. not that it matters that much there will only be a few more of them. it sucks having a ticking time bomb attached at the end of a relationship but we're just trying to have a good time with what time we have. live it up right? ok then.
"I'll never let your head hit the bed
Without my hand behind it"
current music: john M- your body is a wonderland
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Saturday, June 1st, 2002
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12:31 am - scray sutff
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caitlin and connor's party tonight was really fun. good food good people good times good game- scary stories-about jeremy and the scary bleeding woman and the murders? i called ronny johnson and asked and all trhe hype is true but no one knows who it was and what happened. anyway. tomorrows the big day with 8 grad parties and 6 the next day woohoo.oh and 4 on the 8th kill me i love being busy but i dont have one free minute tomorrow. but its all good all exciting!! woo hoo- mike brought over the new eminem cd tonight and im burning it now- its so good! kinda dark but still eminem. ok im gonna go listen to the rest of it.
current mood: excited
current music: eminem
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Friday, May 31st, 2002
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12:51 am - oh graces
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where are you going?
don't hide away
like an ocean
that you can see
that you can smell
and the sound ofwaves crashing
I am no Superman
I have no reasons for you
I am no hero
oh thats for sure
but I do know one thing
that's where you are
is where I belong
I do know where you go
Is where I want to be
Where are you going?
where do you go
Are you looking for answers to question
But you are growing weary
then rest on me until brighter days come
I am no Superman
I have no answers for you
I am no hero
oh thats for sure
But I do know one thing
Where you are
is where I belong.
dave does it again. he never ceases to amaze me. good night, so far summer hasnt sucked as much as last year.
"
Summers here we're swimming in the river
Summer rain burns holes in flowers
Dangerous hours
Summer's here we're swimming in the river
Summer rain come down come down come down come down
Summer's here we're dancing in the daisies
Summer rain burns holes in flowers
Dangerous hours"DaMaBa
A good night. Goodnight
current mood:  satisfied
current music: Phantom PLANET all the way baby
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Thursday, May 30th, 2002
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12:34 am - a perfect "date"
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ok if it were a first date it would be perfect but it wasnt. anywa here was my evening in marshy.
played some bball with mike and patrick his 13 year old brother. pat kicked our asses.
then we went down to the water to jasons house and played with his dogs and cats. he was a cool kid and good to meet the kid mike talks about so much. but his gf called and they got in a fight. we left.
then we went down to the beacha nd walked out on the jetti which is sooo long but once you get out there its worth it. you feel like you're in the middle of the ocean. then we watched the sunset on the water.
next we went to far fars in duxbury which is my childhoos with molly. we got rasberry lime rickeys.
then we went to kara's to show e/o our prom pictures. hers were awsm. she was beautiful.
we went back to mikes and burned a good cd, ate ice cream went on the trampoline and watched the celtics lose.
and i made it home in 20 mins!! a new record!
current music: dj-sammy---- heaven
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Monday, May 27th, 2002
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12:23 am - so much has happened...
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school is over: last days were good it all seemed like it was not real and i still feel like i have school tomorrow.
i got in a car accident last week. some cohasset mother crashed into the back of me. need a new bumper.
PROM: It really was all i dreamed it would be. Mike was the perfect date. he danced and wasnt standoffish. he made me feel like a princess, he made me feel beautiful. he likes my friends.i was happy the whole dance. i didnt even care about how the music sucked. or how the chicken was chewy. i saw everyone i wanted to see and got to say everything i needed to say to people i didnt think id see alot. charlie was there and we got to talk for a while at the harbor. hes good. the pictures were intimidating with way too many parents. the limo ride seemed short both ways. the afterparty...hmmm what to say. it started off all good rents went to bed everyone brought in the 4 30s and 5 handles. then my parents bed broke and they came down to find something to fix it and my dad saw the 30s. it was weird cuz my mom was cool with it but dad wasnt. they took the keys and locked the 30s in the rover . they knew we had more alcohol but didnt really care at that point. so we all still ended up getting tanked only jesse caused a problem and was pissed off eventhough my dad was giving them the alcohol back in the morning. anyway he was upsetting me so obv i cried and sat outside and then mike came out and was a nice boy as usual and made me laugh and i was ok and finally after me saying to jesse he could fucking leave if hes gonna be an ass he did.thank god. after he left eveything was fine and the good times continued. people had fun althoguh there was some drama as per usual. but its all good and only one person puked on the front lawn. hmmmmm who? i still dont know
tonight was so fun. mike and his sister katie picked me up and we were gonna go to jillians but ended up going to new hampshire ya thats right another state to hampton beach which has this long board walk with every type of store and club and bar and restaurant imaginable. you can make your own music video, record your own songs, go on rides, go to an arcade, eat anything you want. there were fireworks at 9:30 on the beach which was amazing it was right over the ocean and they were long! we left arouind 11:30 and it was so fun. katie's awesome, she and mike got their palms read and they woman said mike and i will have a long relationship which i dont know about with college and all but she also said he'll have 3 kids which is hard to believe becuase he hates kids. i dont know we'll see. yes yes. i have work tomorrow for the first time in forever. ugh oh well suck it up susie. ok im going to bed.
current mood:  jubilant
current music: dispatch
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Saturday, May 18th, 2002
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10:34 pm
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I got off work so early that made my night. 8 instead of 11 it was a lifesaver. i came home and took a nap until 10 becuase i was at the nursing home all day and went to work at 2. now im up and refreshed and waiting for my mom to get back from fla and eli to get home from work. im burning cds like crazy. my new favorite is phantom planet. they've been opening for incubus and such. prom is coming up and i think im ready except for paying for the limo which sucks becuase ive already paid for the $80 tickets and not its 125 for the couple. obv i cant make mike pay for any of it, its not his prom. actually he doesnt even have one. he has a senior boat crusie which was tonite. its just a semi on a boat. he went with his friend from school sam. last night we got crow point and watched the skulls and the fast and the furious. mike was sick so its was good for him to lay low. tomorrow im going to church. ya thats right church. there's a special service for graduating seniors that went/go to old ship. jeremy and i are the sellouts who bailed after coming of age and the other people are hard core old ship. it should be funny. ugh 9 am havent seen that hour on a sunday in a while.
Back To You
back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I tried to forget you
I tried to stay away
But it's too late
over you
I'm never over
over you
something about you
It's just the way you move
the way you move me
I'm so good at forgetting
and I quit every game I've played
but forgive me love
I can't turn and walk away
back to you
it always comes around
back to you
I walk with your shadow
I'm sleeping in my bed
with your silhouette
should have smiled in that picture
if it's the last that I'll see of you
it's the least that you could not do
oh I will
leave the light on
I'll never give up on you
leave the light on
for me too
back to me
I know that it comes
back to me
doesn't it scare you
your will is not as strong
as it used to be
current mood: rejuvenated
current music: john mayer
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Wednesday, May 15th, 2002
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11:11 pm - downcoming hopes
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i dont know what is wrong/right with me. I dont usually get this way over boys. i feel weird/guilty over being this happy all the time. i dont know its all still new but i feel like everything is falling into place and iver never known that to last very long so i feel like im waiting for it to fall apart which i know is wrong. i feel silly by hoping on this dried up wishing well which im claiming to make me happy. I just hope that I can see things right now for how they really are.this rambling jibberish may be the most sense ive made to myself in a while. everything is going right now. i know i deserve that. i do.
Its like I sit in this empty classes that dont mean anything and i get in dazes thinking about things coming up like this last summer that has the potential to be the best summer yet. with the right people and the right music and the right beaches and movies and trips. this summer im going to let my music inspire me, im going to let my friends teach me and let mike know me and let my parents love me. and hopefully that will be enough.
current mood:  curious
current music: Phantom Planet - my new obsession
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Wednesday, May 8th, 2002
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8:43 pm - " There's still time to change the road you're on"
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can you tell im procrastinating from writing my paper? im just starting my 1st support paragraph.
recent/future events:
-went to lax game with mike threw him in an awkward position with about 10 girls he didnt know. oh well he claims its "all good"
- went to new crow p today for lunch- good stuff very spiff. im back to gaining weight hehe
- tanned on my roof today with the girls until school ended and then i went to charif extra "help" for the paper
- friends baby shower party tomorrow night at wassons for rachel green ya aka jennifer aniston
-got dispatch tickets last night- coulndt be more excited until my mom told me my crew gala is on that night. its really important to me and its when all the seniors get honored and the coaches talk about you for a while
- eli comes home soon:)
more more more but i have to do this paper enough procras-ing
until after i finish!
current mood:  restless
current music: stairway to heaven
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7:10 pm
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Ok is this really the end of high school? it seems like it just started! my dad's out side playing basketball just like freshman year. my mom is reading the newspaper like she always has. but im not doing anything. this isnt how i pictured it. freshman year i couldnt wait to get out of hingham and out of the high school. I dont know if its becuase i'd seen what else was out there and what kind of other people there were or if it was becuase hingham was never right for me. but now im used to it. i settled in for the long run and its over? i dont know but i dont feel anymore grown up than a 15 year old.I mean our SENIOR prom is coming up, graduation. and we'll be the people in the pictures and we'll be the people on the video tapes. ok im going to go play basketball with my dad like i did when i was 15 before he stops playing
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Sunday, May 5th, 2002
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9:48 pm
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ugh we just got out of our store meeting which was long but it was time and a half.
this weekend I worked, went to the mall, went to a weyma- hing lax game and hung out with mike both nights.
i was supposed to work till 11 then call mike but i got out at 10 and went home and called him and he had just pulled into the mall to see if i was out. anyway he came over and we watched the cell- weird movie then i walked him to his car and he said oh i have something for you and he pulls out a pink rose! i almost fainted. i didnt know what to say. i hugged him and said bye and everything and then he got in the car and i turned right around and walked directly into the mulch pile. it was really embarassing. i just hope he didnt see me.
anyway. i have more to say but not the energy to say it. we walked about 7 miles today not bad considering i broke my toe on friday night!! ya i stubbed it really hard- thats embarassing again!! oh well ill recover
later sus
current mood: happy
current music: puddle of mudd
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Thursday, May 2nd, 2002
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7:51 pm - "Sometimes all of our thoughts are misgiven"-Led Z.
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I think this spring is a time for moving on. but there are a few things im not moving on from .
there's the mike thing. the potential relationship ive been waiting for and building up and the happiness that I deserve and have deserved. and then there's the doubt. I have doubts. i guess in one way hes what im looking for not a full time high maintainence boyfriend. I just dont know where its going and how serious it is. so thats a new thing. I mean going to prom with him will be a blast because we have so much fun togerther. hopefully we can get together friday night after he has work or sat night after i have work. thats another pain in the ass about our scheduals. but being with him means i have to change so manay things about myself i dont knwo if im so willing to change but we'll see thats new.
then there's things i cant get over like grams in the nursing center and this being my last summer. and lots of other shit. danny is seeing this really inappropriate gril who is just bad news. i cant express my frustration. but its really none of my business as are the terms but its just complicated . its much easier with mike around so i dont have to think about it. anyway theres more but friends is on. woo-hoo new. ok ill try and be cheerier more often. it is spring for gods sake.
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Sunday, April 28th, 2002
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11:30 am - money thats what I want
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ok so I said I'd explain the booze cruise later but its later and pictures best sum it up. so I dont feel like detail is needed. it was amazing is all I can say. grams is out of the hospital now and into a nursing home the one behind crow point. she's doing a little bit better luckily but shell be in there a while. Last night I worked from 5-11 and it was just me mike and ashley closing when kara called and asked mike and I to come to fidays w/ them. so we did and it was the second night in a row I was there. so it was me kara mike and one of kara's friends. we ate and talked and had fun. now im working again 1-6ish maybe 7 but its ok becuase 1. it's time and 1/2 and 2. mike's working. my mom says im smitten but i dont know i think its just a crush.
ya so work work work because i have to pay for prom. is it just me or is everyone out of $/ broke right now?!
whats up with that? hopefully i have enough money to get enough gas to go visit grams tonight. grrr i have a fucking huge english paper that's like our whole term grade!! fuck me i dont want to take this final but i dont want to write this paper!!! oh well whatev. only 17 or something class days left im hoping i can make it. im just happy im not getting all emotional and nostalgic yet. oh yes it will come dont worry susie. ok well im going to shower and go to work. $$$
current mood: pleased
current music: sublime- rivers of babylon
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Monday, April 22nd, 2002
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10:26 pm - pessimistic
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ok well im mid-convo with mike but here;s an update of my fucked up life
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the cruise: the best trip ever so muich fun. will explain later
my fun time came to a crashing halt when i got to the airport and my parents werent there to pick us up. i knew something bad had happened. my friend told me that grams had fallen agin thta day. i paniced. i didnt know how bad it was or if she was ok. i had to sit through a whole ride pretending i was happy and telling about all the good tiems. when i got home my mom told me the whole story and she had just gotten back fromt he hospital. she broke a chunk off the end of her elbow and fractured her pelvis again which was just healing. so now shes in the hospital i went sunday night to see her and she was so out of it. all drugged up and stuff. then i had school and work today and she was still in recovery becuase she just had surgery today on her elbow. so i cant see her until tomrrow after crew.
so then i got home tonite at the same time as my mom from the hospital. and she informs me that she and my father are in a fight and they arent speaking. COOL MOM how immature are they. so a while ago she brings her bed things into the guest room and says goodnight becuase she cant sleep with him or even talk to him. my parents are 4 years old. they wont even tell me what they're fightint about. my dad just told me its not about me. thats a change.and they made me call my sister today and tell her about grams. that was a fun phone call.
im working sat night but its all good cuz its with mike and kara my 2 favs. maybe we'll go out afterwards.
i have 2 huge projects right now neither of which have I started. speaking of not starting i havents started reading go tell it on the mountain which i have a presentation along with murph on wednesday on the end of the book. neither one of us has read it. also we have a test on teh same good on friday :) fun fun fun bring on the fun.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: the Background-3eb
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