Banana Oil!

No more politics.

For now.

Maybe some movie stuff for tomorrow.

The only heart he had was when he attacked Bush.

When he started hammering on the economy, it just sounded like a list, which he was trying to get worked up about, but could only fake it.

He’s still saying that he served in Vietnam (did you know that? I sure didn’t!), and thus he should be Prez. Bush was in National Guard, which is now a great shame, and thus should not be Prez.

The really weird thing is that he thinks four months, thirty years ago, gives him a pass on fighting this war, or at least on talking about it.

Bush had five words for you, Johnny: “Buildings fell; a nation rose.” And you, you’re out windsurfing and nitpicking.

“I defended this country as a young man, and I will defend it as President of the United States of America!”

If you plan to defend us like this, no thanks, I’ll take vanilla.

It wasn’t your service, sir, it was what you did after your service that you should be ashamed of.

“For the past week they have attacked my patriotism and even my fitness to serve as Commander in Chief…”

And then he implies Bush is a draft-dodger.

Who’s attacking who, here, Kerry?

“Misleading our nation into war in Iraq makes you unfit to lead our country!”

NEWS FLASH: before the end of his speech, John Effin’ Kerry will put a clown nose on a photo of Bush and shout out “Na-na na-na boo boo!” and the crowd will go wild.

It’s “Read my lips: I am not Bush!”

“Let me sum up my response to the President’s speech in four words: All hat, no cattle.”

This is the best you can do, Lurch?

“I’m gonna take important positions, you’re gonna love ‘em…”

Lame.

“John and I are honest with the American people.”

Ummmmmm, really?

So, the “Christmas in Cambodia” thing was honest?

As Dr. Evil once said: “raaaaiiiiiiiiight.”

What speeches was John Edwards listening to?

Okay, in the early middle I tuned out. (In fact, I turned the volume up and took a shower. Didn’t miss anything, apparently.) Lots of boilerplate.

But toward the end… tears, laughter, resolve. In short, everything he needed to say. For the Michael Moore, Democratic Underground, ANSWER wing of the leftists, all of it convinced them of Bush’s eeeeevil.

For those of us who are living in a post–September 10th world, it was the kind of thing we should have heard from both candidates. But only Bush said it.

And that’s everything you need to know, IMHO.

Here buildings fell; and here a nation rose

…and he’s coming pretty close, too.

People sometimes correct my English. I knew I had a problem when Arnold Schwarzenegger started doing it.

Is this guy great or what!

Spend three hours believing that your blog is hosed, the database vanished in a puff of virtual smoke (because, stupidly, you had yet to back it up), and three months of writing is gone forever, including important memories not documented elsewhere.

Luckily, a simple server restart solved everything.

And the DB is now backed up. Every week, from now on, I swear it.

And Bush showed him a picture of Kerry just before this speech. Yeesh!

“…as though Al Qaeda will be impressed with our softer side.”

Heh!

Or, to ask it another way: when you draw analogies with the past, isn’t it better if the analogy is with someone other than yourself?

One source pointed out that shakeups aren’t always signs a campaign is in terminal trouble. Last summer, Kerry replaced his campaign manager and went on to win the nomination.

How about a candidate who had the nomination, shook things up, and then became president? Ever happen?

(†Da Perfesser)

While I’m still not ready to say quite where I am, my geographic area is rather important to my reasoning here, so I will say this: I am in a port city, roughly three hours’ drive from Nanjing (Wade–Giles: Nanking) and, while the drive time is roughly the same, again due to geography, a good bit closer to Shanghai in objective terms.

Okay.

I went to the market today while at work, because I forgot to bring a lunch. I just hopped in to grab some drinks (soft) and some tea eggs (essentially hard–boiled eggs that spend the last few minutes stewing in tea, so that the egg absorbs some of the flavor). I had the drinks in hand, headed for where the eggs were supposed to be, when—

“Hello!”

Okay, rare enough in this town, where I seem to be the only non–Japanese foreigner. But then I turned around, and I couldn’t figure out who said it. Because every single person who has spoken English to me since I’ve been here, in Shanghai or out of it, has been in their late thirties or younger.

And the guy who then asked “Where do you come from?” in excellent English with only a moderate accent was eighty if he was a day.

I was flustered. More than flustered. I mean, my brain didn’t even know how to begin processing this—plus, when my mind is on something else, and I’m surrounded by lots of pushing people, conversation with me is distracted even if you’re an American. So I stood there, not gaping (I hope), but not really responding coherently, but I did manage to get out “Michigan.”

“Ah, Michigan! Welcome to” this city. He bowed, and turned back to his shopping with a smile.

I stumbled through the store, got out with the eggs and drinks, and back to work, wondering the whole time “How in the hell did he know English???”

I have two theories.

The unlikely one is that he was once a university professor. It is barely possible: there are two universities in this city, at least, one of which is ancient and famed. But he didn’t have the manner of a professor. He looked like someone who’d had an exceptionally hard life. (Granted, as his age, he’s likely seen every single stage of the Communist revolution here, so avoiding a hard life would have been a miracle. Still, my gut says he wasn’t a prof.)

Given how old he looked, and how good his English was, even if slow, I came to a different conclusion.

Sixty–five years ago this area was all under occupation by the Japanese. And some Chinese were in contact with, and receiving support from, the US. Chinese soldiers helped spirit Doolittle’s boys to the unoccupied interior after they bombed Tokyo in 1942. And some of them spoke, or learned, English.

I think I might have been welcomed by an old soldier.

(Yes, there are arguments against this. Had he been a soldier here, at that time, then he must have been with Chiang Kai Shek’s Kuo Min Tang [KMT] nationalist army. Which might seem to make it exceedingly unlikely that he remained unharmed through the revolution. But far, far stranger things have happened, and he felt like an old soldier to me.)

Had I the wit, I would have asked him. But I didn’t, so I don’t know if I should be as honored as I feel. Should I see him again, I will certainly find out what I can. But anyone who lived here at that time is, to my mind, a hero. (If you don’t know why, look up the Rape of Nanking.)

And, in fact, surviving all of Mao’s insanities, the constant turmoils and dangers of totalitarian rule, from 1949 until welcoming a lao wai to his city in 2004… well, actually, that’s pretty goddamned heroic too.

I hope I see him again.

(Be warned: discussion of sex ahead. And one picture with breasts.)

So the Washingtonienne, Jessica Cutler, is posing in Playboy. I had no interest at all in the hullaballoo she raised, and only the vaguest notion that the scandal involved her either blogging her sex life, or admitting that she took money for shagging a guy. From what I understood, she was not using sex to advance in her career or manipulate her boss (note: “from what I understood” means “I could be wrong", okay?). And if that’s the case, I really don’t get why it’s a big deal.

But rather than rant out an exegesis about our culture’s weird and schizophrenic attitudes toward sex, I’d just like to rebut one blogger’s comment.

“Dr. Rusty Shackleford” at my pet jawa claims that Ms. Cutler is “butt ugly” and that she burns his eyes.

Please.

By asian standards, she is not a beauty. By no standard is she a dog. Just by looks, she may not be gorgeous, but she is sexy. (That could either be augmented or voided by her personality. Never read her blog, don’t know. The interview makes her seem vapid and shallow, though.)

In fact, I think she’s actually got a bit of a Lola Corwin thing going. A Korean-European mix (I was going to say “mutt,” but that would certainly be taken the wrong way; for the record, it is a virtual certainty that my kids will be mutts), which might not have come out as stupendously as Corwin sister Morena, but is nevertheless attractive.

But what can I say? I’ve weaknesses for women who enjoy sex, are unashamed of that or of their bodies, and for asian women. So I guess you can’t go by me.

(†Kevin Aylward ‡The National Debate. Photos courtesy PLAYBOY © 2004 Playboy.com, Inc.)

Arnold Schwarzenegger is giving one hell of a speech right now. I’m listening on C–Span Radio.

“When that lone, young Chinese man stood in front of those tanks in Tian An Men Square — America stood with him!”

God damn!

UPDATE: Read the transcript over at The Command Post.

And Kevin Aylward Paul at Wizbang writes:

Arnold Schwarzenegger just delivered another state for Bush. I don’t know which state but Bush can count one more in his column [due] to a single speech. Maybe even two.

If there’s any justice.

(†RNC Bloggers)

UPDATE THE SECOND: Andrew Stuttaford at NRO’s The Corner: 27th amendment! 27th amendment!

It’ll never happen, but I’d sure vote for him.

Woody Allen once said that you should defend to the death the right of the KKK to march—and then go and meet them with baseball bats.

“KKK” has now been replaced, apparently, with “anyone who disagrees with us,” as reported in The American Spectator:

Not once during the Democrats’ convention did I see any large number of Republicans show up to chant, “DNC go home!” Not once did crowds of conservatives attempt to silence Democrats with obscenity or physical intimidation. Not once did Bush supporters question the legitimate right of a political party to gather for a convention. Yet all of this is commonplace at the Republican event.

And the, uh, the part about “defending?” Strike it out, they wouldn’t defend anybody who even hints that he likes Bush.

(† Greg Swann)

Charles at dustbury writes about women:

I had concluded, after too many fashion magazines, that while there actually are women this tall and that thin, it’s the purely artificial photographic environment which creates the illusion that they’re actually somehow attractive, and besides, they never, ever smile.

Two of them were in front of me in the checkout lane yesterday. Under the cold, hard, fluorescent lights of the workaday world, these two youngsters, dressed just this side of casual flirty, were, um, downright gorgeous. And worse, they were smiling.

There’s a reason that look is attractive. Because it’s, um, attractive. There’s room for all kinds of women, both voluptuous and lithe, both solid and svelte.

So long as they all smile from time to time, I think we can all just get along.

Reason magazine’s Nick Gillespie writes about the RNC’s opening night:

Ron Silver… has invoked 9/11 in powerful terms (all quotes approximate): “We will never forget, we will never forgive, we will never excuse.” He’s gone on to invoke Douglas MacArthur and Dwight Eisenhower—and to praise Bush as “doing exactly the right thing” in waging the war on terror and occupying Iraq. “And that is why we need this president this time!”

What are the odds he’ll work again, other than as a late–night commentator on MSNBC?

So I’ve got a message for Mr. Silver:

Anytime. Anywhere.

Once I’ve got my independent Direct To DVD production company going—which, alas, is at least a year away at this point—you’ve got a home. Want to act in a no–budget drama? No problem! Produce? Absolutely! Direct? Certainly!

I never expect to be any kind of a player or a Somebody, but I respect integrity and talent. Mr. Silver, you have both, and I’ll be honored should I ever have the chance to work with you.

My ideal plan upon arriving in Shanghai was to get work associated with film or TV production. Anything, really, from grip work to voiceover acting.

Didn’t happen, of course. (Although I must say I was contacted out of the blue by an American actor who has done a goodly amount of Hong Kong work. Nothing’s come of it so far, but that’s my fault, not his.) So I taught part–time.

Then, since nothing was happening, I signed on to teach full–time for a year. And I am quite glad I didn’t know what I was signing up for, or I might not have, which would be a shame.

It started off with “Teach at one of our schools where we don’t have any foreign teachers right now.” That became “…where we don’t have any English teachers right now” (this company also teaches Japanese language and culture). Which morphed into “…where nobody really speaks English yet.” Which became “We’re starting a whole new school, and building it around you.”

Crikey.

Less than a week before I left Shanghai for my new digs, the whole thing was finally laid out for me. (I think—leveling with people is antithetical to Chinese culture, so if I am ignorant of some important fact, that won’t exactly be a surprise.)

The company wants to introduce English classes in its outside–of–Shanghai offices, and this one is the trial balloon. I, being an American teacher, and thus a native speaker, am the lifeblood. The idea lives and dies by my actions.

Did I mention that too much responsibility makes me uncomfortable?

Did I mention that I detest being surprised?

Still, it seems to be working out for the best. When I rolled into town, there were two or three students signed up for classes. Now, a bit more than a week after my arrival, I have 26 students spread across five classes. About every other day, a friend of a student will sit in on a class to see what kind of a teacher I am and, almost invariably, sign up afterwards.

Still, it’s a lot of responsibility. Plus, in this city, seeing a westerner is quite unusual. In Shanghai, people would stare at me for a little while, then go about their business. I was unusual, not unique. Here, however, the staring does—not—stop. Which would be okay were I not in one of my antisocial moods these days.

Ai ya!

So, if I seem a trifle harried or put–upon, now you know why.

UPDATE: Will Duquette just turned this post into a movie pitch, more or less, and it’s quite amusing. (The script doctor in me is dying to tell Will to pare it down to thirty words or less, for a proper pitch, but we’ve got the doc under restraint right now…)

However, I seem not to have been entirely clear. The school is new, about one year old, but the English division (also called a “school” for some reason) is, for the moment, me.

As to troubled teenagers… none too likely. Most of my students are adults, looking to increase their earning power. Afraid we can’t title this epic Dangerous Chinese Minds or Language of the Heart or Qili and Deliver.

Probably for the best.

Colby Cosh wants a better notation for “hat tips,” or links to sites where bloggers found information they comment on. The older form was via, the current is “Hat tip,” and Cosh doesn’t like either of them.

He proposes the dagger, and I like the idea. (He’s even taken to using it regularly.) Thus, for example, one might write:

Heh heh heh! († Will, Diana)

There are two ways to code this, either with the HTML named entity † which renders as †, or with the HTML decimal code † which turns out as †.

The second is probably to be preferred from a coding perspective, since it refers directly to the Unicode character set, but the first is easier to remember of course. Both should render in most browsers, so long as the user’s computer has a font which contains the dagger character.

I will try to use this device consistently from now on, with the addition of an <acronym> element around it, with a quick explanation of what it means, either until it gains wide acceptance, or it dies out. So, in the interest of spreading a new standard, here is the code as I will use it:

<acronym title="I originally got the information in this entry from...">&#8224;</acronym>

It should present like this (depending, of course, on your stylesheet and the user’s browser):

†

And, should you want, you might even use the double dagger character to note the original discoverer of the information. Just a thought.

Over the weekend I got an email from Kevin Aylward of WizBang Blog, asking me (and many others) to promote his latest project, a portal blog which will feature excerpts from every post made from the Republican National Convention by accredited RNC bloggers.

RNCBloggers — Bloggers Cover The Republican National Convention looks like a really cool idea. Of course, few of us will have time to read everything, but this will make it much easier to get an idea of the Big Picture.

Okay, finally got my connection going (two days late, natch). And now I don’t feel like writing. In fact, I am simply wiped out right now. Hopefully some noodles, a big bottle of beer, and lots of sleep will recharge the batteries and I can get some make–up posts up tomorrow.

Which, if I awake early enough, will be “tonight” for most of you.

In the meantime, I tweaked the stylesheet so that the site presents properly (mostly) in IE, bumped the typography a bit, changed the blogroll from hand–coded to WordPress’s Links database, and other under–the–hood type improvements.

Point being: I’m okay. Just tired.