Sam Kinison has always been my favorite stand-up comedian. While he was vulgar, grossly obscene, shockingly cruel, sometimes blasphemous, & outrageously offensive, he was also wickedly funny and delighted in skewering politically correct targets that few other people had the guts to take on.

While Kinison is certainly no role model and would surely offend -- well, just about everybody on both sides of the political spectrum -- I wanted to share a little bit of his humor with you because I find Kinison funny for many of the same reasons that I enjoy South Park (Of course, South Park is still running and Kinison died back in 1992, so a lot of you probably aren't all that familiar with his work).

So here are some snippets from some of Kinison's bits that you may find funny, provocative, outrageous, and even offensive. But, I'm going to post them and let you make up your own mind. There's certainly nothing here worse than you'll see on the average episode of South Park...

Know what happens when you fight off a metal bar wielding burglar who knocks your 14 month baby in the floor and then starts stroking your wife's leg? In Britain, they consider charging YOU with a crime.....

"A man who admitted stabbing a suspected burglar with a bread knife to protect his wife and child is being investigated for assault.

Mr Caeiro said he was making arrangements to move to a new home in Great Yarmouth because he fears reprisal attacks."

I guess this guy is lucky that he didn't put the bread knife in the burglar's throat or he might have ended up getting charged with murder. This is really impressive too...

"Mr Caeiro said he tried to call the police again, but got no reply."

See, this is what happens when European liberals get complete control of the criminal justice system . You're not allowed to own a gun to protect your family. You call the police, they may answer, they may not. If you fight the burglar who's in your home, they consider throwing you in jail.

Personally, I like how we in America handle this sort of situation better. The burglar breaks in, you shoot him dead, call the cops, then they show up and tell you that you did the right thing. You're better off because the cops aren't looking to throw you in the pokie, society's better off because the burglar's dead -- it's just a win/win situation.

Hat tip to Ravenwood's Universe & Kim du Toit for finding this one.

I think Germany's long and tortured transformation from a violent, militaristic, nation into a bastion of Euro-weenieness can now officially be said to be complete...

"German men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.

...So far 1.8 million WC ghosts have been sold in German supermarkets."

May I paraphrase my all time favorite comedian here, the hilarious, obscene, and be forewarned -- at times blasphemous -- Sam Kinison?

Any man who let's his wife or girlfriend put on of these WC ghosts in his house or apartment should go to all his friends, look them straight in the eye, and say,

"If you see me working round the yard and stuff, around the house...kill me. %$#^#$^%$^ KILL ME! SHOOT ME IN THE FACE, RUN ME OVER WITH A CAR, I LIVE IN HELL!"

Because trust me fellas, if you let your wife or girlfriend put a device in the bathroom to remind you that you need to sit down to pee, it's over for you. You have less cahones than my dog Patton and he has been neutered. I'm just telling you the truth here guys, the truth that your Euroweenie friends don't have the courage to tell you about...

Hat tip to Ravenwood's Universe for finding this story.

I'd like to talk to you about an event that I just can't seem to get off my mind, or the TV for that matter. THE OLYMPICS.

Are the Olympics cool? Are they a waste of time?

The Olympics started not too long ago, and what have we heard from the Blogosphere? Whine, whine, whine. We whine like a Frenchman wanting more Iraqi Oil. We whine like the a Democrat in Florida.

We whine about the Olympics being boring. We complain about unfair judging. We groan at the idea of steroids and their impact on sports. We pretend to be shocked that some Olympians are posing nude before they ever even compete.

Here's my gripe. I believe we're taking this Olympic thing in the wrong direction!

Have you ever watched those cool car overhaul shows? Like Dude, Pimp My Ride or Overhaulin'? They don't try to just change the paint a little or tweak it here or there. They go all out! They redo, repaint, and replace virtually everything!

And that ladies and Gentlemen is exactly what the Olympics need.

You see, we need MORE STEROIDS. We need more ACTION. We need MORE nude Olympians!

I want a juiced up sprinter. I want to see them popping pills just before the race and watch the foam. I want them so juiced up you think they're about to outrun a locomotive! Whooooosh.

I want them to measure the 100 yard dash with that measuring thingy from the Dragster Races. I want to see these people go so fast that parachutes come out to slow them down. I want them so fast that instead of those stupid flower tattoos these people have racing stripes and chrome on their running shoes.

Heck, we could combine the sprint and the archery events into one. It would give a challenge to the archerers by having moving targets - and let's face it - nothing motivates a sprinter more than knowing somebody is targeting their butts.

"Here they come, it looks like the Canadian is in front, yes, there he goes BAM whoa - nice shot by the Bulgarian. And it's the American by a nose!"

Yes- ACTION!

I really don't care if most of the swim teams are taking performance enhancers. You want to enhance performance, make the events more interesting. Speaking of swimming, how about making these events more for the masses?

How about having Budweiser sponsor a 'Drink and Dive' event? The swimmers get loaded then they have to walk across the diving board as best they can and then do their dive. I want to have the divers get so loaded they miss the swimming pool and land on the papparazzi table. I want to see sombody do a cannon ball. I want to see some diver get so stinkin' drunk he pulls down his trunks and pees off the high diving board. How many points would he get for THAT? Not only would it be funny, it would have something for the ladies as well.

Can I get a YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

We need to crank this baby up and have fun with it.

Ask yourself, do you want to see a weightlifter train for years and years just so he can beat his personal best record from 4 years ago by 10 pounds? Of course not. I want these athletes cranked to full power and tweaked to maximum capacity. I want them so pumped full of steroids, we get to see what the human body is REALLY capable of doing? Don't just tweak the car - load it up and press the pedal to the metal.

I want a weightlifter that has so much pharmacia in him that not only does he have breasts, but he has THREE of them! I want a guy who can move so much weight he has a sponsorship from Caterpillar! Guys who are so amped that if their arms broke they would just keep on lifting because they didn't even FEEL it.

Can I get a WOOHOO!?

And while we're at it? Why not have pharmaceutical sponsors? That's an official sponsor I'd like to see. Sure "Offical Film of the Olympics" is nice and "Official Airlines of the Olympics" is cool.

How about, "Flexoor, Official Drug of the US Weightlifting Team - less Testicular Shrinkage - more Muscle!"

Or better yet, something along the Mastercard commercial: "Flight to the Olympics - $500. Cost to attend the 100 yard dash event $35. Cost to run like a bat out of hell - $20 per vial".

See, this competition could be fun? It's just that some of the events lack Zip. How about a Fear Factor type of Olympic event where people have to eat gross bugs? Sure, we'd have to disqualify anyone from a country where bugs are standard fare on a menu, but that would still be cool.

"Here we see the Australian Athlete about to eat a Tarantula. Oops, missed a leg - oh, he's gonna lose points for puking!"

And what's with the complaining about the athletes posing nude? So what? You don't like it, don't buy the magazine! I want these athletes to pose nude. I want to pose the Women's Chinese swim team next to the Men's Weightlifting squad and see who has bigger private parts!

Folks, the problem is that the Olympics are really a TV sport. Sure, it's nice to attend an Olympic event and collect pins and all of that other 0ld-lady crap: but when all is said and done, the Olympics are viewed from home.

TV has changed - but the Olympics really haven't. We need to form a new Olympic Committee - one where we look at what is fun - what works - and what has a chance to be seen and attended.

See, this thing could be fun. I should pick up the ball and run with it. First, I need an official sponsor.

I can't wait for 2008.

Rightwingduck has a blog at www.rightwingduck.com. This post originally appeared at IMAO.

I know that there are some of you out there thinking, "Yeah, maybe John Kerry lied about what he did in Vietnam, but that was so long ago. So do the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth really matter?"

Folks, not only do the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth matter, they matter A LOT. Let me explain why...

Let's say there's a guy who's trying to get a job with ABC company. We'll call him...let's say, John Terry. The boss of "Faceless Corporation, Inc." interviews John Terry, sees that he has requisite experience for the job, and asks why he should hire him. John Terry tells the boss,

"You should hire me because of the great job I did as an accountant at XYZ company. I'm telling you, I did the work of 5 people. I was the guy in charge of our budget, I did payroll, I did price quotes for sales, I'm telling ya, there was no better accountant in the company. Just ask my references, the guys in my department."

So, the boss checks with the guys in John Terry's department and they all have nothing but good things to say about him. So, he starts to seriously consider Terry for the job...then, something odd happens. He runs into a guy from sales at XYZ company and this guy says,

"Oh, Terry was the worst accountant we had. Not only was he a jerk, he was constantly late with the price quotes we gave to customers. I bet you his screw-ups cost us $100,000 last year".

Suddenly, the boss is confused. What the salesman is telling him is exactly the opposite of what all the guys in Terry's department were saying. So the boss checks around and he actually runs down every single boss Terry had at XYZ company and they all say the same thing,

"This Terry guy was a creep and he was terrible at his job. Hiring him would be the biggest mistake you ever made".

Well, the boss keeps checking around and he finds that for every guy in Terry's department who had good things to say about him, there are 20 guys from different departments at XYZ company who all say Terry was a walking disaster. He hears things like...

-- "Terry was constantly claiming to have done work that he really never completed."

-- "This guy has done nothing but talk down the company to anyone who'll listen since he left. I can't stand him."

-- "Don't even get me started on this Terry guy. I wouldn't hire him to help run my kid's lemonade stand."

Now, after hearing all of this, does John Terry get hired? My guess is that most people would say "no".

Well, this is roughly the same situation we have with John Kerry. Kerry has been trotting out his "band of brothers" and bragging about being a war hero since he started campaigning for the presidency. In fact, he has in essence said to the American people,

"Forget about war protestor days, forget about my time as Lt. Governor to Mike Dukakis, forget about my mediocre 20 year career in the Senate, vote for me because I went to Vietnam for 4 months and won medals".

But now, late in the game, because the mainstream media has given Kerry a free pass on his Vietnam war days, the public is starting to find out John Kerry's time in Vietnam wasn't the John Wayne movie he made it out to be.

Not only did Kerry lie about his record (Christmas in Cambodia anyone?), but he is overwhelmingly opposed by other Swift Boat Vets including all of his commanding officers and a large majority of the men who fought side by side with John Kerry in other boats. That in and of itself should make people think twice before pulling the lever for John Kerry.

Moreover, the stories that are starting to come out from these vets don't paint Kerry in a flattering light either. For example, there are relatively unimportant tales like this one that paint Kerry as someone who wasn't particularly well-liked or respected by his fellow soldiers...

"When Kerry was dispatched to go to An Thoi with Lt. Tedd Peck (who would retire as a Navy captain), Peck told him: "Kerry, follow me no closer than a thousand yards. If you get any closer, I'll teach you what a real Purple Heart is."

But, there are also much more disturbing stories like this one...

"George Bates, an officer in Coastal Division 11, participated in numerous operations with Kerry. In UNFIT FOR COMMAND, Bates recalls a particular patrol with Kerry on the Song Bo De River. He is still "haunted" by the incident:

Bates has never forgotten Kerry's actions."

All I can say at this point is that John Kerry invited all of this scrutiny of his war record by making it the centerpiece of his campaign. So now that other Vietnam Vets who served with him are pointing out that he played fast and loose with the truth about his time in Vietnam, he has a big dilemma.

The old, "Aww, this stuff happened 35 years ago so it's irrelevant" line won't work because Kerry has been RUNNING on what he did 35 years ago. Furthermore, the Kerry camp can't use the other tactic they love so well, poo-pooing what their critics have to say because "they didn't serve" against other Vietnam Vets. Last but not least, it's hard to make the argument that vets who are critical of Kerry's service have no right to speak when John Kerry has been using vets who praised his time in Vietnam at campaign stops. What's good for the goose should certainly be good for the gander, right?

So if John Kerry ends up going down in flames because of the Swift Boat Vets for Truth, which is looking more possible almost by the day, then he'll have no one to blame but the Massachusetts billionaire he sees when he looks in the mirror every morning...

I thought this was cute =D

Graphic swiped from the fine folks at Ernie's House Of Whoop@ss (Some obscene language, links, and content).

***Update #1***: I've found where you can purchase one of these shirts for your kids if you're so inclined. Right Wing Stuff has them here.

The Swift Boat Vets for Truth story first got traction on talk radio and in the blogosphere, but now the story is spreading to the mainstream media and John Kerry is taking a beating.

In fact, the Washington Times has posted a very convincing piece from Swift Boat Vets for Truth John O'Neill and Jerome Corsi that seems to conclusively show that John Kerry lied to get his first Purple Heart. Here are the highlights...

At the time of this incident, Kerry was an officer in command (OinC) under training. He was aboard the skimmer using the call sign "Robin" on the operation; Schachte, using the call sign "Batman," also was on the skimmer.

"I remember that Jess Carreon [Letson's corpsman, now dead] was present at the time, and he, in fact, made the entry into Lieutenant Kerry's medical record."

Interestingly enough, John Kerry's own biography, 'Tour Of Duty', has a passage in it that backs up Corsi and O'Neill's contention that John Kerry is lying about how he got his first Purple Heart. Keep in mind that the entry you're about to read is from Dec 11th, 1968, 9 days after Kerry claims that he took "enemy fire" that led to his first Purple Heart....

"They pulled away from the pier at Cat Lo with spirits high, feeling satisfied with the way things were going for them. They had no lust for battle, but they also were not afraid. Kerry wrote in his notebook, 'A cocky feeling of invincibility accompanied us up the Long Tau shipping channel because we hadn't been shot at yet, and Americans at war who haven't been shot at are allowed to be cocky."

Come on folks, John Kerry obviously lied to get his first Purple Heart. To believe otherwise, is to belive that...

-- John Kerry's doctor was lying
-- John Kerry's commander was lying
-- John Kerry's own biography was wrong

Moreover, keep in mind that if John Kerry's lied about his first Purple Heart -- and that looks highly likely at this point -- it didn't just enable him to get a medal he didn't deserve, it allowed him to get out of the line of fire in Vietnam 243 DAYS EARLY. Then, just to add insult to injury, it looks as if Kerry used a medal that he didn't deserve as a stepping stone to fame and fortune in the anti-war movement and in politics. If that is the case, John Kerry is "Unfit to Command".

These are serious and VERY CREDIBLE charges, especially in light of the fact that John Kerry has already been caught lying about spending Christmas of 1968 in Cambodia, and they should be treated as such.

That means stonewalling and smear attacks on people making the charges aren't going to cut it. John Kerry should comment publicly on what really happened that day, release his FULL military records, explain why his biography says he hadn't taken any fire, and he should also talk about his meetings with Hibbard and Letson. It looks bad for Kerry at this point, so if he has an explanation, he should go ahead and offer it up...

Here are a few things that sprang to mind (in italics) as I read a puff piece about John Kerry that was based on his comments to GQ...

"Democratic presidential contender John Kerry (news - web sites) has a soft spot for South African actress Charlize Theron but is adamant that second wife Teresa Heinz-Kerry changed his life, he has told GQ magazine.

Theron is rich, but not that rich...

The men's magazine questioned Kerry, who he thought was the sexiest actress of all time, and he replied: "I think Charlize Theron is pretty extraordinary ... Catherine Zeta Jones ... and Marilyn Monroe ... I thought she was funny. Complicated. And obviously very attractive, very beautiful."

But the 60-year-old Massachusetts senator saved his highest praise for his heiress wife in the interview released in the September edition of GQ.

"Complicated", "attractive", and "very beautiful" are all nice, but they don't pay for butlers and vacation houses if you know what I mean...

He said being a bachelor senator in Washington after the breakup of his first marriage was not "good days".

I was eating out of the garbage behind the Capitol Building without a rich sugar mama to pay the bills...

"After my first marriage, I was like a lot of people who had a relationship that doesn't work -- you want to make sure that the next one does. And you're a little gun-shy and apprehensive and nervous. And Teresa gave me a sense of confidence about relationships that filled that.

"I'm confident about a lot of things, but I'm not somebody who's blind to human frailty and to the need for humility. We all have our flaws. And Teresa, you know, gave me just a great sort of strong, clear commitment to who I am.

"So you know, she loved me. And I think that kind of love is very compelling."

And we're talking about really compelling here, not like stories that are "seared into your brain" compelling that later turn out to be completely made up.

Kerry said he liked the music of the Rolling Stones, the Beatles and Bob Dylan and named ice hockey star Wayne Gretzky, baseball legend Joe DiMaggio and cyclists Greg LeMond and Lance Armstrong among his sporting heroes.

His greatest sporting moment was scoring a hat-trick for Yale against Harvard in a soccer match. "I think I got down on my knees and hit the ground," he said.

Wayne Gretzky, cycling, & soccer? I thought he was just supposed to be "French looking," not actually French?

Kerry also spoke about overcoming prostate cancer -- he was operated on in 2002 a few months before announcing his presidential run.

"There's not much that scares me. So I'm not worried about things -- certainly not dying, because too many of my friends did. So I think it empowers you to go out and tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may."

Of course, all of that empowering truth telling and chip falling doesn't start until the election is over. Until then I'm going by the old "I don't own an SUV, the family has it" standard".

Of his feelings for President George W. Bush (news - web sites) and his family's political dynasty, Kerry said: "I like Junior, but I like the senior Bush enormously. A very decent, thoughtful guy. And I have great respect for him."

Gee, and I remember when Kerry was referring to the Bush & company as" the most crooked, you know, lying group I've ever seen". I would call that a flip-flop, but maybe Kerry is just fond of crooked liars, you never know =D."

For a while now, I've been planning to put together a list of my favorite Bible quotes and I finally got around to doing it last night.

As you read these quotes, do keep in mind that I am not a biblical scholar & that there are most assuredly hundreds of other great quotes from the Bible and that I'm not claiming these are the "best of the best". These are just some Bible quotes that have stuck with me for one reason or another. Read and enjoy...