Thursday, April 01, 2004 |
April Fools Day joke?
Today's Sydney Morning Herald has a story on the drivers of Yum Cha trolleys in the big Chinese restaurants in the city will have to wear L plates on the front of their trolleys for 6 months.
According to the Herald, this decision follows a spate of accidents caused by inexperienced trolleys drivers. One such incident involved a trolley full of beef and black bean sauce falling all over some poor bugger because the trolley driver was texting someone on her phone.
"It's either young, inexperienced students who take these jobs or someone just off the boat. In either case, they need to be properly trained." explains Sydney's newly elected council.
"After completing the course, they will be required to carry a small "L" plate on their carts for six months before being granted full licences. Learners can only push a cart while accompanied by fully licensed waiting staff."
Surely this is an April Fool's Day joke??!!
Today's Sydney Morning Herald has a story on the drivers of Yum Cha trolleys in the big Chinese restaurants in the city will have to wear L plates on the front of their trolleys for 6 months.
According to the Herald, this decision follows a spate of accidents caused by inexperienced trolleys drivers. One such incident involved a trolley full of beef and black bean sauce falling all over some poor bugger because the trolley driver was texting someone on her phone.
"It's either young, inexperienced students who take these jobs or someone just off the boat. In either case, they need to be properly trained." explains Sydney's newly elected council.
"After completing the course, they will be required to carry a small "L" plate on their carts for six months before being granted full licences. Learners can only push a cart while accompanied by fully licensed waiting staff."
Surely this is an April Fool's Day joke??!!
Friday, March 26, 2004 |
Afraid of Public Liability?
You have nothing on the Blackburn Local Council in north-west England.
Apparently they have banned people from doing backstroke in their council pool because they are too afraid of people running into each other.
"We would expect that people would be concerned for their own safety as well as that of others and we are being proactive in introducing these rules." said Kate Hollern, an executive on the council.
Keep up the good work Kate.
Blackburn Council - Thinking for you since 1992.
You have nothing on the Blackburn Local Council in north-west England.
Apparently they have banned people from doing backstroke in their council pool because they are too afraid of people running into each other.
"We would expect that people would be concerned for their own safety as well as that of others and we are being proactive in introducing these rules." said Kate Hollern, an executive on the council.
Keep up the good work Kate.
Blackburn Council - Thinking for you since 1992.
Monday, March 22, 2004 |
The end is nigh
Well at least for Reality Television it is.
The first chop of the axe in what will surely be many to follow has come down on reality television with Channel Ten's dropping of The Resort.
Finally realising that there is only a limited audience for this unscripted nonsense, Ten have decided to can the show fronted by John Stevens but will actually continue to run the resort in an effort to recoup the $5million they are still behind by.
Hopefully, this first domino will cause the downfall of the rest of the pack.
Well at least for Reality Television it is.
The first chop of the axe in what will surely be many to follow has come down on reality television with Channel Ten's dropping of The Resort.
Finally realising that there is only a limited audience for this unscripted nonsense, Ten have decided to can the show fronted by John Stevens but will actually continue to run the resort in an effort to recoup the $5million they are still behind by.
Hopefully, this first domino will cause the downfall of the rest of the pack.
Wednesday, March 17, 2004 |
Why is the Blue Tongue Lizard eating Poo Daddy?
This was not one of the questions I had steeled myself for.
Sure I am preparing myself for "Where do babies come from" and "Why do boys have a willy and girls don't?" but I was at a loss to answer this one.
Like many Australian backyards, we have a big fat Blue Tongue Lizard that lounges around and occasionally takes a snail or two from the garden in between sunning itself in the bricks.
As he made his appearance today, I took the boys out to look at him. It was then that I had the bright idea of finding a snail for him to eat so the boys could watch.
After looking around for a while I found one of the bastards hiding under a leaf and placed it about 20cm in front of the Blue Tongue. About 10 seconds later and he was snapping it up hungrily to the delight of all while we eagerly watched on.
We gave it another go and he ate it just as quickly. Seemingly having had enough of our hospitality, he decided to move off back to where ever he moves off to. As he was walking along however he walked past a piece of dog crap that had escaped my usually vigilant anti dog crap routine.
As I looked on in disgusted amazement, he went all out devouring this piece of crap like he was in a German Porno.
My oldest boy puzzled by the Blue Tongue's actions asked;
"Why did the lizard eat the poo Daddy?"
"I don't know son, I don't know"
This was not one of the questions I had steeled myself for.
Sure I am preparing myself for "Where do babies come from" and "Why do boys have a willy and girls don't?" but I was at a loss to answer this one.
Like many Australian backyards, we have a big fat Blue Tongue Lizard that lounges around and occasionally takes a snail or two from the garden in between sunning itself in the bricks.
As he made his appearance today, I took the boys out to look at him. It was then that I had the bright idea of finding a snail for him to eat so the boys could watch.
After looking around for a while I found one of the bastards hiding under a leaf and placed it about 20cm in front of the Blue Tongue. About 10 seconds later and he was snapping it up hungrily to the delight of all while we eagerly watched on.
We gave it another go and he ate it just as quickly. Seemingly having had enough of our hospitality, he decided to move off back to where ever he moves off to. As he was walking along however he walked past a piece of dog crap that had escaped my usually vigilant anti dog crap routine.
As I looked on in disgusted amazement, he went all out devouring this piece of crap like he was in a German Porno.
My oldest boy puzzled by the Blue Tongue's actions asked;
"Why did the lizard eat the poo Daddy?"
"I don't know son, I don't know"
Tuesday, March 16, 2004 |
Disturbing Find
Yesterday, as I do every 10 weeks I gave blood.
Giving blood in the city is quite a nice experience as they put on a lunch for you afterwards. It still takes a full hour to get through it all but it's still good to do.
The only problem I have with it all is the amount of water you are supposed to drink before hand.
Basically they tell you to drink a lot of water hours before you come so that your veins are nice and fat. Of course as everyone knows, if you drink like a fish, you end up pissing like a racehorse.
Every morning before I give blood sees me spending most of my time in either the kitchen at work throwing the water down or in the dunny getting rid of it all.
It was in going through this ritual yesterday morning that I found something quite disturbing in the dunny at work.
As I urgently walked up to the urinal and went to town, I looked down and saw that there were biscuit crumbs in the urinal!
At first this threw me as food crumbs in the toilet are totally out of context, kind of like seeing Sylvester Stallone accepting an Academy Award.
Then the more I thought about it, the worse it became as it obviously meant that someone was either eating a cookie while taking a wizz or they have a serious medical condition that needs urgent attention.
Will the wonders of the Male Public Toilet never cease?
Yesterday, as I do every 10 weeks I gave blood.
Giving blood in the city is quite a nice experience as they put on a lunch for you afterwards. It still takes a full hour to get through it all but it's still good to do.
The only problem I have with it all is the amount of water you are supposed to drink before hand.
Basically they tell you to drink a lot of water hours before you come so that your veins are nice and fat. Of course as everyone knows, if you drink like a fish, you end up pissing like a racehorse.
Every morning before I give blood sees me spending most of my time in either the kitchen at work throwing the water down or in the dunny getting rid of it all.
It was in going through this ritual yesterday morning that I found something quite disturbing in the dunny at work.
As I urgently walked up to the urinal and went to town, I looked down and saw that there were biscuit crumbs in the urinal!
At first this threw me as food crumbs in the toilet are totally out of context, kind of like seeing Sylvester Stallone accepting an Academy Award.
Then the more I thought about it, the worse it became as it obviously meant that someone was either eating a cookie while taking a wizz or they have a serious medical condition that needs urgent attention.
Will the wonders of the Male Public Toilet never cease?
Saturday, March 13, 2004 |
Old McDonald had a farm
Ever wanted to know what your kids really think of you?
Today I got it right from the horse's mouth while we sang a rousing rendition of "Old McDonald had a farm".
After we had established that Old McDonald indeed had a cow and a horse and a dog and a pig and a chicken, it was decided that on that farm he also had a Daddy.
The ensuing song went a little something like this.
Ok, ok, I get the hint.
Ever wanted to know what your kids really think of you?
Today I got it right from the horse's mouth while we sang a rousing rendition of "Old McDonald had a farm".
After we had established that Old McDonald indeed had a cow and a horse and a dog and a pig and a chicken, it was decided that on that farm he also had a Daddy.
The ensuing song went a little something like this.
|
"Old McDonald had a farm, ee i ee i oh.
And on that farm he had a Daddy, ee i ee i oh. With a fart fart here and a fart fart there Here a fart, there a fart, everywhere a fart fart Old McDonald had a farm ee i ee i oh" |
Ok, ok, I get the hint.
Wednesday, March 10, 2004 |
Smile, it's broken
If you're not in the room at the time, there is not much you can do when your kids hurt themselves apart from "kiss it better".
When this happens, the very first thing they are going to do, even before they start to cry, is look up at you for your reaction. The trick comes in suppressing your normal parental reaction to them being hurt (especially so for Mothers).
Instead of rushing over there with kisses and hugs of sympathy and comfort at the ready, you need to put on the happiest, most delighted face you have.
Whilst this may sounds a little sadistic, it actually works. When they look up and see you smiling like Ronald McDonald after a tab of Ecstasy, they will usually forget the fact that their knee hurts and a lot of the time they'll even think it's funny.
So next time your little one falls off their bike, garden wall or roof, just remember to put on a happy face.
N.B. No children were hurt or injured during the writing of this article.
If you're not in the room at the time, there is not much you can do when your kids hurt themselves apart from "kiss it better".
|
Unbeknownst to most people without kids however, there is a simple trick you can do that will usually turn a normally painful fall or scrape into a fun event.
If ever you are out the back with them whilst they ride their bikes or run around in the yard, a fall, a scrape, a poke or a jab is going to befall at least one of them. |
|
When this happens, the very first thing they are going to do, even before they start to cry, is look up at you for your reaction. The trick comes in suppressing your normal parental reaction to them being hurt (especially so for Mothers).
Instead of rushing over there with kisses and hugs of sympathy and comfort at the ready, you need to put on the happiest, most delighted face you have.
Whilst this may sounds a little sadistic, it actually works. When they look up and see you smiling like Ronald McDonald after a tab of Ecstasy, they will usually forget the fact that their knee hurts and a lot of the time they'll even think it's funny.
So next time your little one falls off their bike, garden wall or roof, just remember to put on a happy face.
N.B. No children were hurt or injured during the writing of this article.
Monday, March 08, 2004 |
Are you forced to wear your Wife's panties?
Apparently there are quite a number of people who are forced to wear their Wife's panties or at least there are a lot of you searching for pictures of people who are forced to wear them.
Since I mention children and families a fair bit, I have been loath to put up a post on the weird and wonderful (but mostly weird) Google hits I get here.
I thought today I would make an exception after reading The Spin Starts Here this morning.
I like to think I am a compassionate person. I hate to think that so many people are leaving this site disappointed that they could not find what they were so desperately looking for. Even if they are sitting at their computers in a pair of cotton tails that are desperately stretched at the seems.
So guys, check out today's post from Caz.
Sadly for all you people searching on "Adults who wear nappies" and other sick stuff, you will need to see the Jerry Springer show.
Note to Caz,
Sorry if the horde of silk and nylon clad blokes are now suddenly filling up your referral lists.
Apparently there are quite a number of people who are forced to wear their Wife's panties or at least there are a lot of you searching for pictures of people who are forced to wear them.
Since I mention children and families a fair bit, I have been loath to put up a post on the weird and wonderful (but mostly weird) Google hits I get here.
I thought today I would make an exception after reading The Spin Starts Here this morning.
I like to think I am a compassionate person. I hate to think that so many people are leaving this site disappointed that they could not find what they were so desperately looking for. Even if they are sitting at their computers in a pair of cotton tails that are desperately stretched at the seems.
So guys, check out today's post from Caz.
Sadly for all you people searching on "Adults who wear nappies" and other sick stuff, you will need to see the Jerry Springer show.
Note to Caz,
Sorry if the horde of silk and nylon clad blokes are now suddenly filling up your referral lists.
Thursday, February 26, 2004 |
It's now safe to shake my hand
My youngest boy is now using the toilet instead of wearing nappies.
As well as this being a momentous step in his development, there is also a massive benefit to me.
Basically, the number of times my hands will need to descend into a large white bucket filled with human urine, faeces, cloth and bleach are almost zero.
Something else you have to watch out for is when they say they have gone but you can't really tell until you get them off the toilet. This time around I have been able to tell with a fair degree of confidence that a number two has made a splash down.
Every now and then he will say "Daddy I did a poo" and most of the time he hasn't. Sometimes though he will say "Duuuuurrrrrggghhhhdy ... I'm doing a poooooouuurrrrggghh!!!!!!" Coupled with a beetroot red face, I can be pretty sure we have a result.
This all works very well but I have found it to have a bit of an embarrassing side effect.
It seems that he has now taken on the position of Town Crier as far as people going to the toilet is concerned. A careful watch is kept on the toilet and any action going on in there is promptly and very loudly announced to anyone and everyone who happens to be in the house at the time.
"Daddy did a big poo in the toilet!!!!! Heyyyyyy Daddy did a big poo and wee in the toilet!!!!!" is the announcement thundering down the hall for all too hear.
I will admit however that it sometimes does not take a 2 year old's proud announcement for someone to tell that Daddy has just done a big poo in the toilet. My wife wants me to put a "Come back in 5 mins" sign on the door for these occasions.
So if you are planning on coming to my place for dinner in the near future, make sure your comings and goings from the bathroom are covert lest they be heralded to all and sundry.
My youngest boy is now using the toilet instead of wearing nappies.
As well as this being a momentous step in his development, there is also a massive benefit to me.
Basically, the number of times my hands will need to descend into a large white bucket filled with human urine, faeces, cloth and bleach are almost zero.
|
One of the humorous parts of the process however is the enormous fuss you need to make every time they go to the toilet. Every single wee or poo that drops into the dunny must be celebrated as a glorious triumph. It goes a little something like this; "Yay you did a poo in the toilet yaaaaay!!!!! Go and tell Mummy that you did a big poo in the toilet!!!!!" "Mummy I did big poo in toilet! Mummy poo in toilet!!!" |
Something else you have to watch out for is when they say they have gone but you can't really tell until you get them off the toilet. This time around I have been able to tell with a fair degree of confidence that a number two has made a splash down.
Every now and then he will say "Daddy I did a poo" and most of the time he hasn't. Sometimes though he will say "Duuuuurrrrrggghhhhdy ... I'm doing a poooooouuurrrrggghh!!!!!!" Coupled with a beetroot red face, I can be pretty sure we have a result.
This all works very well but I have found it to have a bit of an embarrassing side effect.
It seems that he has now taken on the position of Town Crier as far as people going to the toilet is concerned. A careful watch is kept on the toilet and any action going on in there is promptly and very loudly announced to anyone and everyone who happens to be in the house at the time.
"Daddy did a big poo in the toilet!!!!! Heyyyyyy Daddy did a big poo and wee in the toilet!!!!!" is the announcement thundering down the hall for all too hear.
I will admit however that it sometimes does not take a 2 year old's proud announcement for someone to tell that Daddy has just done a big poo in the toilet. My wife wants me to put a "Come back in 5 mins" sign on the door for these occasions.
So if you are planning on coming to my place for dinner in the near future, make sure your comings and goings from the bathroom are covert lest they be heralded to all and sundry.
Tuesday, February 24, 2004 |
Riot Police and Helicopters and Socialists Oh My!
Hands up who had to walk past a bus load of standby riot police, underneath the path of News Helicopters and past a group of brown shirt , spiked hair, nose ring wearing Socialists?
I did this morning. I work in Redfern.
Today is the Funeral of Thomas Hickey who was recently impaled on a fence in Redfern. Whilst many Redfern locals travelled to Walgett for the Funeral, many more stayed to hold a rally outside the Redfern Police Station just two blocks up from where I work.
I walked down to have a look at what was going on and I noticed something strange.
Whilst there were around 200 people there with the vast majority being Aboriginal, there was one other large group of people in attendance who by the look of them were quite obviosly Soccialists. (excuse the broad sweeping generalisation of brown shirt wearing, spikey haired people with no jobs)
I began to wonder what interest did the Socialists have in this issue? Whilst the death of a young man is tragic, what impact did it have on them?
I pushed this to one side as I watched the spectacle of news crews trying to get a good camera angle, the Police nervously looking on from a distance and the signs carried by all that called for a halt to Police Brutality or simply just a picture of Thomas.
I then noticed something else strange. Apart from the fact that they all seemed to be pasted onto 1 side of a carton of Victoria Bitter, they were also all exactly the same. They all seemed to be printed or photo copied from the same soucre. Then when I got closer to one, I saw that every single placard had the web address of the Socialist Alliance at the bottom of it in big letters.
Why would the Socialist Alliance be organising a rally for the death of a teenage Aboriganal?
When I saw these placards decrying Police violence, it made me want to go back the office and make my own placard. I was going to try and find the front page of the Sydney Morning Herald that showed the women being knocked over and having her hand bag stolen outside of Redfern Railway Station. I thought better of it as I doubted I would have made it back alive.
I have been working in Redfern for almost 8 years and I am yet to witness any Police Violence. Many is the time however where I have witnessed violence committed by the Aboriganal population of Redferm both against myself and others. I would concede that I would most likley not see any violence by the Police as they would hardly be doing it in the main street.
I have mentioned a few things about Redfern before in A Tale from Redfern. It is a suburb of contradictions.
At one end of Redfern there can be a rally of 200 protestors angry at the death of a local boy but only 200 metres away, groups of Metrosexuals sip $4 coffees on footpath outside a trendy cafe.
At one end Redfern families and the remnants of families sleep on the ground as they come down from the effects of illicit substances where just 500m away houses sell for close to $2 million.
Hands up who had to walk past a bus load of standby riot police, underneath the path of News Helicopters and past a group of brown shirt , spiked hair, nose ring wearing Socialists?
I did this morning. I work in Redfern.
Today is the Funeral of Thomas Hickey who was recently impaled on a fence in Redfern. Whilst many Redfern locals travelled to Walgett for the Funeral, many more stayed to hold a rally outside the Redfern Police Station just two blocks up from where I work.
I walked down to have a look at what was going on and I noticed something strange.
Whilst there were around 200 people there with the vast majority being Aboriginal, there was one other large group of people in attendance who by the look of them were quite obviosly Soccialists. (excuse the broad sweeping generalisation of brown shirt wearing, spikey haired people with no jobs)
I began to wonder what interest did the Socialists have in this issue? Whilst the death of a young man is tragic, what impact did it have on them?
I pushed this to one side as I watched the spectacle of news crews trying to get a good camera angle, the Police nervously looking on from a distance and the signs carried by all that called for a halt to Police Brutality or simply just a picture of Thomas.
I then noticed something else strange. Apart from the fact that they all seemed to be pasted onto 1 side of a carton of Victoria Bitter, they were also all exactly the same. They all seemed to be printed or photo copied from the same soucre. Then when I got closer to one, I saw that every single placard had the web address of the Socialist Alliance at the bottom of it in big letters.
Why would the Socialist Alliance be organising a rally for the death of a teenage Aboriganal?
When I saw these placards decrying Police violence, it made me want to go back the office and make my own placard. I was going to try and find the front page of the Sydney Morning Herald that showed the women being knocked over and having her hand bag stolen outside of Redfern Railway Station. I thought better of it as I doubted I would have made it back alive.
I have been working in Redfern for almost 8 years and I am yet to witness any Police Violence. Many is the time however where I have witnessed violence committed by the Aboriganal population of Redferm both against myself and others. I would concede that I would most likley not see any violence by the Police as they would hardly be doing it in the main street.
I have mentioned a few things about Redfern before in A Tale from Redfern. It is a suburb of contradictions.
At one end of Redfern there can be a rally of 200 protestors angry at the death of a local boy but only 200 metres away, groups of Metrosexuals sip $4 coffees on footpath outside a trendy cafe.
At one end Redfern families and the remnants of families sleep on the ground as they come down from the effects of illicit substances where just 500m away houses sell for close to $2 million.
Thursday, February 12, 2004 |
House Husband on Holidays
I will be sunning myself on the Gold Coast until Monday 23rd so in the mean time please go and have a look at all the excellent places in my links.
I will be sunning myself on the Gold Coast until Monday 23rd so in the mean time please go and have a look at all the excellent places in my links.
