Who Do You Think You Are—Former New Orleans Saints Linebacker Pat Swilling?
Education Is Our Passport To The Something Or Other
August 17, 1977
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America's Sweetheart Dumps U.S. For Some Douchebag
HOLLYWOOD, CA—Americans gathered Monday to discuss their feelings of heartbreak, anger, and resentment toward America's sweetheart Kirsten Dunst, after the film star broke up with the U.S. to be with some douchebag that everyone thought was gay.
Local Sheriff Suspects Al-Qaeda
Or Teens
BARABOO, WI—Sauk County Sheriff Virgil "Butch" Steinhorst announced Tuesday that he believes a recent rash of Baraboo-area crimes was perpetrated by the al-Qaeda terrorist network or teenagers.
Naughty Baker's Diminished Sex Drive Starting To Affect His Work
GRAND FORKS, ND—Erotic baker Kevin Nageli has experienced a decline in the quality of his work following a recent reduction in his sex drive, Naughty Bites sources said Monday.
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Republicans Outraged By Inaccuracies In
Metallica Documentary
WASHINGTON, DC—Republican congressmen lambasted the documentary Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster for its "gross inaccuracies and fabrications" Monday. "[Filmmakers] Joe Berlinger and Bruce Sinofsky are clearly biased," Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert said. "By editing together concert footage from three different mediocre shows, they have given the general public a false impression that Metallica still kicks ass." Hastert added that there is no hard evidence to support the film's argument that the album St. Anger has more thrashing riffs than Kill 'Em All.
Next News In Brief (2 of 5) »
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Interview with:
Steve Earle
Singer-songwriter Steve Earle has been embattled since his career began. He fled Texas in the early '70s when the local country fans... |
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| Homosexual Tearfully Admits To Being Governor Of New Jersey |
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| Ride Mis-Pimped |
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| Cat Taught Not To Sleep In Wok |
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| Drywall Worker Plastered |
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