Picture comes from the GUBA archive of alt.binaries.pictures.erotica.orientals.

I blew more than $30k on my wife's new 3.2 ct. ring for our 15th anniversary in June. I had long since given up on ever getting any booty action, but she is the perfect wife otherwise, so I wanted to really show her my love and regard.

Well, she was just stunned, I mean speechless. That very night she rolled over for me and invited me into the cavern of my dreams. YES!

The best part is, it turns out she actually found that she liked it. She is becoming a little anal freak and I love it. At first she would just move so things "slipped" a little during lovemaking, but now she is absolutely shameless... rolling over, spreading her cheeks, and demanding sodomic satisfaction in the filthiest terms.

I would gladly have paid three times more to achieve these results. I am a happy, happy, happy, but much poorer man.

A half-bottle of vinegar and we'd have, what, undressed salad?

But seriously, folks, I was more entertained by the domain name. Nudeteem.com: what's that supposed to be? Nude team? Nude teen, more likely.

It reminds me of Tom Lehrer's immortal advice: "Don't write naughty words on walls if you can't spell."

An aside for the gentlemen: It is true that no sensible woman expects you to remember or celebrate six month "anniversaries". However, from this truth, it most emphatically does not follow that you should disregard such dates, in the unlikely (but lucky for you) event that your ponderous bear-like brain should happen to alert you to one. Rather, procure and deliver some small trinket. Trust me on this one.

"No" always means "no". But four out of five bratty submissives agree that "you can't make me" always means "make me". Especially in bed.

In the past, I have always eaten barbecued spareribs from the smooth belly of a naked slavegirl, using her thighs and breasts to wipe my messy hands. Tonight, for the first time, I ordered spareribs in a restaurant. I normally avoid eating any kind of finger foods in public because, well, I guess I’m too civilized. The ribs were delicious, though, and I gave them my full attention. When I finally did glance up from my plate, people were staring at me. I noted then that my hands were completely covered in barbecue sauce and gobbets of fat, encroaching up my wrists. I had to make do with napkins.

Thanks to Ropeguy at Bondage Blog for the pictures.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Everything Is Funnier With Monkeys. If J. Fred Muggs, Lancelot Link, or zoo-house fecal tossing have taught us anything, it is that every human endeavor is enriched by the addition of a screaming, leg-humping, ass-biting primate. Even, say, sex education. I beg your pardon? you might ask. Clearly you're not acquainted with the strangest children's book of the 19th century—Sammy Tubbs, the Boy Doctor, and Sponsie, the Troublesome Monkey (1874).

...

It's a Victorian sex-ed manual. For children. Starring a monkey.

I will have him. Oh yes, I will.

Capture the mind. Feed the belly. Drain the cock.

He's mine.

I dropped over $300k in the past 6 months building my [domain name] portfolio. and my girlfriend's not too happy....

Her: "Do you know how big a diamond you could've bought instead?"
Me: "Yeah, but the domain name is an investment in my future."

Does anybody have, or have a link to, a really good high-quality scan of that Spy Magazine cover from 1992 or thereabouts that featured Hillary [Clinton] Photoshopped into an impressive dominatrix outfit?

Fortunately, The Boss at The Collar Purple had better luck (look for the 8.5.04 entry):

I'd still like a really hi-res scan, if anybody's got one.

Found at this large shunga gallery, link courtesy of Fleshbot.

I wasn't paying attention to him, till I felt him slip what I identified as a spotted banana bean (yellow with brown spots) between my pinkie toe and its neighbour. I smiled slightly as he slipped a cherry red cinnamon bean in the next spot, the selective toe spreading feeling almost intrusive, but in a good way.

From: "neeeeeeeeeeeed" {xxxxxxxx_xxx@hotmail.com}
To: {bacchus@erosblog.com}
Sent: Wednesday, August 04, 2004 4:35 AM
Subject: i am need

i am need picuters sex                              plezzzzzzzz

All's well that ends well....

Dear Miss Manners: My boyfriend and I very much enjoy giving each other head, and we are both very good at it. However, shortly after an explosive orgasm on his part, whereas my tendency is to keep sucking on his penis with the same enthusiasm and painstakingly perfected technique which I have been employing throughout the blowjob, he quickly begins making high-pitched whimpering noises, groaning "No more!" and pushing my head away from his crotch. I gather from his reaction that the intensity of pleasure has reached a pitch which he no longer finds bearable, and I have always considered that the courteous response is to withdraw and let him catch his breath. However, when I have had multiple orgasms from cunnilingus and try to wriggle away to indicate my fear that I may lapse into unconsciousness if he continues his activity, he simply grasps my hips more firmly and continues with more vigor than ever! Should I take this as an indication that he wishes me to override his requests for "no more" as well?

Thanks to Daze for spotting the link. As for the place where Adrants found the spoof ads: I'd love to link it, but not while it's got a craven popup that makes you click "OK" before you can see the page. Memo to Luke Ford: Which side are you on?