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Archives » 2004 » February

Knowspam

I’ve grown tired of all the spam e-mail I get. I’ve been using a combination of bayesian filtering, regular expression filtering, blacklist/whitelist, and public blacklists, but I’m not happy with the result. The only way I can block 99% of spam is to block 5% of legitimate e-mail. In my frustration, I’ve turned to a method I first heard of from Brad Choate. If you have ever left a comment on my website, you’ll be familiar with the system. It is an automatic whitelisting system that uses a Turing Test to qualify senders. Simply put, if you’re not already on my whitelist, and you send me an e-mail, you’ll get an e-mail back. This e-mail will inform you that I am using a spam prevention service, and in order for me to get your e-mail, you’ll have to click the link in the e-mail and simply enter a number displayed in an image, just like on my comments. Once you take the 5 seconds required to complete this task, you are automatically added to my whitelist, I get your e-mail, and then you’re set for the life of your e-mail address.

This system is called Knowspam, and I have great hopes for it. Really, the only way a spammer can get to me, is if a human spammer takes the time to read the replied e-mail (not likely) and goes to complete the Turing Test. It’s just not going to happen. Of course, not all good e-mail comes from humans. If I sell an item on eBay, I’m going to get an automated message. eBay’s automated mail senders can’t very will pass the test. So there are two solutions to this. First of all, I can at any time, go to the website and see what e-mail messages are pending approval, and speed the approve/deny process. If I know the address, I can manually enter it in, ahead of time. Or, and this is the easiest for me… I can set up a new address, say, “public_requested_email@mydomain.com,” and give that address out to legitimate websites that need my address for such purposes. After setting that account to forward to my main e-mail account, I can tell Knowspam that any messages that get to my main account via my public_requested_email account should be allowed to pass without human verification. If I ever start getting spam sent to that address (meaning one of the legitimate sites lied about their privacy policy, or accidentally posted my address somewhere), I can just cancel it and set up a new address. They never knew my real address, so if I kill the account, they have no idea where to look for me.

Let’s hope it works! As of right now, I have it set so that if you leave a comment here, you don’t have to pass the e-mail human verification test (as you already have to pass one to submit a comment), and you don’t have to pass a test to send mail to me through my contact page. But I can, of course, change that if I start getting spam through those sources.

Posted by Mark | February 26th, 2004 @ 3:48 AM | "Site Announcements"

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Review of “The Passion of the Christ”

My girlfriend got to see “The Passion of the Christ” at a sneak preview last night. After hearing what she had to say about it, I went ahead and reserved a ticket for 1pm today, opening day.

I can now finally address all the issues that came up before the movie was released, and give you my impressions. Is it antisemitic? No. But to get the other answers, you’re going to have to keep reading.

( Warning: There might be some “spoilers” if you are not familiar with the story. But assuming you’ve heard the basic story, read on.)

Read the rest r_arrow

Language
The use of the three languages that were actually used at the time, in the area, was a brilliant decision. The Romans speak Latin amongst themselves, and to the Jews, but Pontius Pilate speaks Aramaic when speaking to Caiphus and the Jewish mob. A bit of Hebrew is thrown into the mix, such as when Jesus is praying. The blending of the languages was done quite well, such as when Caiphus, speaking to Pilate, throws in a “quaeso” (Latin for “please”) before asking him in Aramaic to condemn Jesus. I don’t know that much about Aramaic or Hebrew, but I’ve studied a good deal of Latin, and was very happy with its usage and especially its pronunciation.

As you may or may not know, there are two camps when it comes to how Latin should be pronounced. Latin, as the Roman empire started to fade away, evolved into the Romance languages of the world, such as Italian, French, Spanish and English. But most books were still written in Latin, which made things really easy. If you wanted to learn how to read, you just had to learn one language, and then you could read everything. This changed gradually, but scholars and clerics held onto the language. The modern Latin pronunciation as it was given to us from scholars and the Catholic church is pronounced in a soft, flowing manner, sounding very similar to Italian (which makes sense… Italians are the most direct Roman descendants.) Later on, some scholars decided that the colloquial Latin pronunciation was way off, and promoted so-called “classical” Latin pronunciation, a highly phonetic, and stilted pronunciation. For example, in colloquial Latin, the phrase “Deus in caelo” (God in heaven) is pronounced “DAY-oos IN CHAY-low.” In classical Latin pronunciation, it is “DEH-uhs IN KAI-low.” It just doesn’t sound right at all… and it makes for very jerky conversations. Gibson decided to go with the colloquial pronunciation, which I think was the right choice. “Ecce Homo” (behold, the man), the famous words uttered by Pilate as he presented the blood-drenched Jesus to the crowd after his flagellation is pronounced “ETCH-ey OHmo,” complete with the almost silent “H” for “homo.”

As in any foreign language movie, the subtitles cannot translate every single little line, especially those muttered in the background by bit characters. But fear not… they are certainly not speaking gibberish just because the subtitles aren’t there to keep them honest. When an eager Roman soldier menacingly whips the table occupied by the overseeing officer, showing how the shards of metal on the ends of the whip stick into the wooden table, the officer shouts the English equivalent of “cut it out, you idiot!” When Jesus and Pilate converse in private, they speak Latin, which almost shows that Pilate has a modicum of respect for Jesus as an educated person.

Direction and Cinematography
I was captivated from the first minute. The images leap off the screen and command your attention. As you have probably heard, this movie is about the last 12 hours of Jesus’ life… but earlier moments in his life (as well as images from the day before) are shown in flashbacks. The flashbacks are simple… no “earlier that night…” text, and they are fairly short, so you don’t ever really lose track of where you were. But what’s so great about the flashbacks is how Gibson tied them into the material. As Pilate prepares to wash his hands of the whole matter, Jesus looks at the bowl of water and recalls washing the feet of his disciple John the evening before, and telling them that “a slave is not greater than his master, nor is one who is sent greater than the one who sent him.”

While Jesus is carrying his cross through the streets of Jerusalem, his mother, Mary, watches him with John from an alley, and as Jesus starts to stumble and fall, Mary has a flashback of Jesus as a small child falling down while playing, and her frantically dropping what she was doing to rush to her assistance. It quickly cuts back to Jesus falling under the weight of the cross, and to his mother, again rushing to his side. Another flashback that was really well done was a period where while carrying his cross on a straight stretch of the street, Jesus had a series of 3 second flashbacks to his triumphant entrance to Jerusalem, riding on a donkey, with jubilant throngs of people laying down palm fronds in his path… only to be brought painfully back to the present by the sting of a whip, and the shout of a Roman soldier “eamus!” (Let’s go!)

Another aspect that Gibson has mentioned in a few interviews is his use of Mary to “bring the audience back” from the violent or depressing parts of the movie. The film is brutally violent, and quite upsetting, but even the most horrible scene (the flagellation) is given a rest as Mary goes off with Mary Magdalene, unable to watch the torture. The most artistic use of this tactic is again, during the carrying of the cross, when to the right of Jesus the character of Satan (played by Rosalinda Celentano) is seen gliding through the crowd. And then the camera shows the crowd to the left of Jesus, and we can see his mother Mary gliding through the crowd, the good angel on his shoulder, sharing his sorrow… offsetting the evil spirit on the other shoulder who is reveling in his pain.

Antisemitism?
Like I said: no. Caiphus is obviously not portrayed in a positive light, but he wasn’t a very nice guy! The Jewish leaders at the time were rightfully worried about the effect of Jesus’ teachings on their fellow Jews. He claimed to be the Messiah, and he frankly wasn’t the Messiah they were looking for. They wanted him dead, but the actions of a few do not speak of the people as a whole. For example, when Jesus is presented to the Sanhedrin (Jewish court), one of the members opposes Caiphus, asking where the missing members of the council are, and why they have chosen to arrest Jesus secretly at night, when he could be found teaching in the temple during the day. And while the crowd gathered in front of Pontius Pilate is certainly not sympathetic to Jesus, it is probably that these are just the hardcore followers of Caiphus, brought along to give him extra sway in front of Pilate. The rest of the Jewish crowd as Jesus is being led to his execution seems to be sympathetic.

Other Jewish leaders have said that by “going easy” on Pontius Pilate, more blame is placed on the Jews for the death of Jesus. They couldn’t be more wrong. Sure, Pontius Pilate is shown as being sympathetic to Jesus… declaring him innocent, and being adverse to punishing him. He decides that flagellation should be used as an alternative punishment to crucifixion, for the supposed trouble he’s caused. And then, after this cruel punishment (designed to bring a man to within an inch of his life), he gives in to the crowd, and condemns Jesus to die. How does the fact that he doesn’t want Jesus to be put to death but orders it anyway paint Pontius Pilate in a good light? If anything, it paints him in a worse light. He had the power, and the desire to spare Jesus’ life, but he chose the easy way out. How anyone can see him as anything but a villain is beyond me.

As many have said before… the only way you will take this movie (or the Gospel accounts) as antisemitic, is if you are already antisemitic to begin with. Jewish leaders who say they are afraid that the film will trigger an increase in worldwide antisemitism are delusional, or (more likely) are opposed to the message of the film. And why shouldn’t they be? Christianity is an evolution of Judaism, so Jewish leaders obviously have reason to oppose it.

Violence?
This film, like many other films, has been described as “graphically violent,” much in the way that “Saving Private Ryan” was before its release. But unlike with that movie, it isn’t hype here. I have a very strong stomach for violence, but found myself gasping or wincing in horror many times. The flagellation scene is almost unbearable, as the bits of metal on the end of the whip’s many tails can actually be seen digging into the flesh of Jesus’ back. At one point, about four of the tails dig into his side, and are violently wrenched free, visibly ripping off huge chunks of flesh. Before it’s all over, the lictors have a thin mist of blood on their face, and the entire area of the flagellation is covered by puddles of blood and bits of flesh. It is a scene that seems to last forever, and is quite painful to watch (but that’s the point now, isn’t it?) The violence pretty much peaks during that scene, but nailing to the cross and Jesus’ multiple falls onto sharp gravel left me rather uncomfortable, especially when the sharp rocks stuck into his nearly skinless flesh. Leave the kids at home for this one. Pick it up on DVD when it comes out and let them see it when they turn 15 or 16.

Music
The music is fitting. Actually, on second thought, it was actually rather good, but it’s just not something you stop to reflect on. It creates mood in the right moments, and never distracts.

Acting
The Oscars for last year’s films haven’t yet happened, and already we have an early contender for best actor. James Caviezel is captivating as Jesus. He communicates Jesus’ inner royalty without ever deviating from complete outer humility. He delivers his lines in three different languages with a calming demeanor that is almost eerie. And just so you know, you’re not the first person to realize that his initials are J.C. and he is 33 years old.

Monica Bellucci is, as always, mesmerizing on screen as Mary of Magdalen. Her character doesn’t get to say all that much in the film, but Bellucci doesn’t need dialogue to communicate her character perfectly.

Maia Morgenstern who plays Mary is just perfect for the part. She has the look of a faded beauty, and comes off as eminently maternal. Casting in general was just excellent, as people look appropriate without being too stereotypical or exaggerated.

Detail
This film is all about the details. In a dialogue between Pilate and his wife, the governor talks about how he is stuck between a rock an a hard place with trying to keep order in the region, and about how twice he was recalled to Rome where the emperor told him that if any more blood was spilled, his would next be spilt. That is a documented fact, they didn’t just make it up. When the Roman soldiers are nailing Jesus to the cross, they notice that his arm span doesn’t allow his second hand to reach the second nail hole, so one of the soldiers ties a rope to Jesus’ wrist and gruesomely increases his arm span. Before hoisting the cross up, they flip it over and bend over the tips of the nails, so that they can’t come out. Extensive homage is made to the Roman’s cruel precision in dealing out torture and execution, especially during the actual crucifixion.

Another thing that struck me was how Jesus was never shown trying to minimize the pain he was receiving. He didn’t shirk away from their blows, or beg them to stop. After his first round of flagellation, he lay on the ground, beaten to a bloody pulp. As he opened the one eye that wasn’t swollen shut, he saw his mother, and gained the strength to stand up, knowing full well that this meant that his beating would resume. “Non est possibile,” one of the Romans mutters, in incredulity.

Reservations
While I would definitely say that this move is a masterful work of film making, there are a few things that stood out as detracting. After Judas betrays Jesus, we are treated to a series of rather creepy scenes in which Judas is haunted by his decision and tormented by demons, or his inner demons (it seems open to interpretation). The first instance, however, is rather overdone. As he sits in the shadows, a horrible looking creature leaps out. The subsequent scenes are much more subtle, and make the first one seem rather out of place.

At the end, after Jesus dies, there is a brief shot of Satan in a desolate location (hell?), screaming in frustration. It is out of place, without context, and totally unneeded.

Conclusion
This is a film that pretty much transcends the medium. Had it been done in English, the delivery of the dialogue might not have been good enough, and the accents would have dated the film. As it is, it is a timeless work of art. Expectations for this film were ridiculously high, and the cynic in me half expected to be let down and have a series of gripes to make, but all I can do is criticize a collective 5 seconds of screen time. If you are Christian, go see this movie. If you are a history buff, go see this movie. If you are a linguist, go see this movie. If you are a film lover, go see this movie. If you are not Christian, but have an interest in the subject matter anyway, go see this movie. The only people who shouldn’t see this movie (besides children), are non-Christians who have no interest in history or language, and who don’t really like movies at all. But they weren’t going to see it anyway.

Posted by Mark | February 25th, 2004 @ 9:06 PM | "Commentary"

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Site Updates

As you can see, I’ve made a few changes around here. I’ll probably be making a few more changes, and until they are finalized, my other skins are on hiatus.

Here’s what I’ve changed or added:

Posted some rules that should be followed when posting comments here.
You can now add smilies in comments by clicking on them.
Any comments on entries still on the front page can be viewed in a dropdown section without having to leave the page.
Have slightly refined my “brand.” The website is http://txfx.net, but my blog should be referred to as “Tempus Fugit.”
Moved the search box nearer to the top so it is viewable without any scrolling.
Applied some icon styling to entries and headers.
Standardized the code in my comment preview and comment error templates.
Added the most recent picture from my Text America moblog (mobile weblog). When I take a picture and e-mail it to my moblog, it’ll show up on my sideblog.
Went to revalidate my pages as valid XHTML 1.0 Transitional, discovered that I broke a lot of things when I added the above features, so had to fix all the errors.

I think that’s about it. I’m quite happy with how things are. Any thoughts are appreciated. And if you read the rules… YES, it is okay to post a comment to this entry about my site layout, because this entry is itself about my site layout. ;-)

Posted by Mark | February 25th, 2004 @ 2:13 AM | "Site Announcements"

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Antitrust Money

I’ve been waiting for this day since about 1997. I finally got my check from the class action lawsuit against record labels for conspiring to keep the prices of CDs artificially high.

CD antitrust check

Thirteen dollars isn’t much, but it’s not really they money. It’s just knowing that I was right.

Posted by Mark | February 24th, 2004 @ 9:54 PM | "Personal"

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Stealing Votes

Ralph Nader has decided to run in the 2004 presidential election as an Independent. Democrats are worried, as they probably should be, but what they are saying is really making me mad. Democrats are talking about how Nader is going to “steal votes” from the Democratic candidate.

WRONG! The votes that go to Nader are votes that would have gone to a Democratic candidate ONLY because there was no viable alternative! Ralph Nader isn’t going to steal votes, because they weren’t votes that solidly belonged to the Democrat party to begin with. All the Democrats who tried to keep Nader from running are basically admitting that there is a significant number of people who aren’t happy with the Democratic party and are yearning for an alternative candidate.

Posted by Mark | February 22nd, 2004 @ 11:15 AM | "Rants"

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No Soliciting Sign

The following is a sign that I’ve had posted on the door of my apartment for about a year. I got tired ot the constant stream of solicitors asking for money, magazine subscriptions, etc. I’ve had a few requests for copies of the sign from friends, pizza delivery people, and FedEx employees, so I thought I’d post it here. (Please understand that the threat of violence contained within is jocular in nature).

NO SOLICITING!

(Unless you are someone under the age of 12 selling something sweet, like cookies or candy, at a price not to exceed $2.00, for your scout troop, sports team, or church group. I’m sympathetic to child slave labor, I like kids, and I like cookies even better.)

But if you do not fall into that category, I don’t want your magazine because I already have a subscription. I don’t want your newspaper because I already get it. I do not want to pay you to run, walk, swim, jog, jog-walk, swim-jog, or walk-run. I do not want to pay you to cure AIDS. I don’t want to fund your fraternity’s trip to Mexico. I genuinely hope that together we can help stop female breast cancer, and while I’ll be more than happy to give you a free exam, I do not want to pay you to examine others. I do not want a “trial” anything. I do not want to pay you to leave me alone, that’s what this sign is for. I do not want you to keep standing in front of my door, reading this sign in the hopes that I might have posted an exception for your particular breed of leech. If you want my money, feel free to try robbing me. I carry a knife with a 4-inch blade and will gladly extend your smile to your ears. Thank you, and the best of luck screwing over my neighbors.

Posted by Mark | February 22nd, 2004 @ 3:29 AM | "Humor"

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“Day by Day” needs your help!

Chris Muir, author of an excellent daily cartoon, "Day by Day" has started a campaign to get his strip nationally syndicated. I strongly suggest that you go participate!

Chris has a real skill for cleverly and succinctly making his points, and his cartoon has a hip artistic style that can best be described as a cross between “Doonesbury” and “The Boondocks.”

Seen at The Daily Pundit

Posted by Mark | February 22nd, 2004 @ 2:46 AM | "Commentary"

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WMD, I never knew thee

I have just this very minute resigned myself to the very likely possibility that no amount of searching in Iraq is going to reveal any credible, substantial evidence that Saddam had any weapons of mass destruction.

This resignation leaves me with a few possible resultant possibilities:

The international intelligence community never really believed that Iraq was in imminent possession of such weapons.
Saddam pays close attention to U.S. news sources and managed to hide all evidence of such weapons programs when he saw that U.S. military action was inevitable.
Bush is a Nazi.

If (1), am I willing to accept being lied to, considering that it was for a good cause (the liberation of the Iraqi people)? No.

If (2), am I willing to trust the intelligence when it says there was evidence prior to Saddam cleverly destroying it? No.

If (3), am I willing to repeatedly view Flash animations of Bush’s face morphing into Hitler’s? No, but I am tempted by the "Bush or Chimp" sequences.

I am inclined to think that the concerns about programs for weapons of mass destruction were too premature to yield any credible evidence thereof, so at worst, I was lied to, and at best, the facts were stretched. Why couldn’t Saddam’s support of terrorists, and his brutal crimes against his own citizens, as well as his attempt against a former U.S. President’s life be used as the reasons for invading Iraq? I would have considered those to be sufficient!

Posted by Mark | February 21st, 2004 @ 8:48 AM | "Commentary"

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Text America Moblog Trick

I had some PalPal credit, and decided to spring for the camera attachment for my T-Mobile Color Sidekick.

I went right over to Text America and got my free Moblog account (Mobile Web Log, people). Now I can take pictures, and e-mail them right from the Sidekick to a special e-mail account, and they will be posted on the web.

Now that’s fine, but I wanted to be able to show the images on my Movable Type website. I found some code for importing the latest picture, which is this:

<script src="http://YOURDOMAIN.textamerica.com/mypage.asp?title=yes&pos=top" type="text/javascript"></script>

Cool, but I don’t want their ad at the bottom. I could use an iFrame, like some, to crop it out, but I’d rather not. So I just entered that JavaScript URL into my browser, viewed the source of the resulting blank page, and found that while the actual image is given a CSS class, the ad image isn’t. so it was just a simple matter of this

.sideblog img {display:none;}
.sideblog img.TARemoteImage {display:inline;}

Magic! The ad is gone.

Edit: Had some trouble getting that code posted, should be good now. And yes, I know I could have just made an IMG tag with a src value of “http://txfx.textamerica.com/recent.aspx”… but I wanted to be able to pull in the title text too!

Posted by Mark | February 20th, 2004 @ 9:18 PM | "Site Announcements"

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Pepsi and iTunes Commentary

As most people know, Pepsi and iTunes have teamed up and are giving away 100 million free song downloads from the iTunes music service.

The advertisement features a 14-year old girl who says she is “one of the kids prosecuted for downloading music free off of the internet.” She goes on to say that she is “still going to download music free off of the internet”… but only if she drinks Pepsi and gets a winning game peice (1 in 3 is a winner). But I generally cannot make it to that part in the commercial without being blinded by rage at the lie that was just told. No kid was prosecuted for downloading music. Not one. The RIAA isn’t reporting people to the law, they are using their legal prowess to sue kids and bully them into paying up thousands of dollars. That’ll teach ‘em… or ensure that they’ll never buy a CD again.

What makes it even worse, is that the girl in the commercial isn’t just an actor, she is April Leith, who was bullied into paying the RIAA $3,000 for downloading 960 songs over a three year period (according to ShortNews.com). So not only was she sued, rather than prosecuted, but she was paid to say that she had been charged with a crime. I find that blatantly dishonest on the part of Apple, and it really shows how much in bed they are with the RIAA.

On a more humorous note, people have “discovered” a “hack” that allows you to tell if a Pepsi bottle is going to yeild a free tune. Read how at MacMerc.com.

Posted by Mark | February 20th, 2004 @ 3:33 PM | "Commentary"

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Open Mic Monday

Kevin, at WizBang! has opened up his blog to guest posting today. I figured “what the heck?” and went ahead and contributed a post.

I will not re-post it here, so go ahead and give Kevin’s site a visit.

A nod of the head to: The King of Fools

Posted by Mark | February 18th, 2004 @ 8:24 PM | "Commentary"

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And then he did

Sort of…

Dean is going to stop campaigning, but has not totally dropped out. I think what that means is if Kerry and Edwards drop dead, he’s still your man.

Posted by Mark | February 18th, 2004 @ 4:54 PM | "News"

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Wave to them, Dean

Howard Dean, as he exited a plane and waved was heard to say “The obligatory wave to the nonexistant crowd.” Sure enough, only his staff was there to welcome him.

As much as I don’t agree with the man’s positions, I really do respect that he isn’t quitting just because of what the polls say. If people rely on polls too much, those who take the polls could easily manipulate them.

Posted by Mark | February 17th, 2004 @ 1:21 PM | "Humor"

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Jesus died WHEN?

Seen on Fox News, about Mel Gibson’s upcoming movie, “The Passion of the Christ”:

“… we’ll see, when the film opens, appropriately enough, on Ash Wednesday.”

…because Ash Wednesday has something to do with Jesus’ death? Well, no. But least they had the right idea: one of those “adjective day of the week” days. Easter Sunday, Ash Wednesday, Good Friday, Fat Tuesday… she just picked the wrong one.

Posted by Mark | February 17th, 2004 @ 10:35 AM | "Humor"

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body {min-width: IE SUCKS;}

Damn Microsoft. Damn Internet Explorer.

Here is why I’m so mad:

Grievance 1: General lack of adherence to all the standards. “No, we don’t feel like following that standard, but we’ll say we do” does NOT cut it.

Grievance 2: Lack of support for CSS min-width and max-width properties. You force me to use transparent gifs and empty pixel-width divs within fluid ones to ensure that the page doesn’t look like a block of garbled mung when it is resized to anything under 600 pixels wide. To fix that in real browsers, all I have to do is set body { min-width: 600px; } and I’m done. For shame, Microsoft.

Grievance 3: When IE came out, it was the cutting edge browser. It had all the new features, and it gave the reigning champ reason to worry. You used your Windows influence to make sure everyone had a copy of your browser… and then you stopped caring about being the best. You pulled ahead of all the traffic and slammed on your brakes.

The simple fact is, most of the people who use Internet Explorer, do so because they think it’s the standard, or that there isn’t anything out there that is better, or because they are too lazy to even care and just use the one that came with their computer. It’s these people who are holding the rest of us back. Tell Microsoft to go back to work on IE by switching to a much better browser: Mozilla, or Mozilla Firebird/Firefox.

You’ll thank me, as you will be presented with a quicker, smoother, more error free browsing experience (and a built in Google search bar, and pop-up blocker to boot!) and web developers worldwide will thank you because they will not be stuck using hacks and “tricks” to get things to look right in your browser.

Posted by Mark | February 17th, 2004 @ 9:34 AM | "Rants"

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The Story of My Life

Three down, one to go

Three down, one to go

Typical… bloody typical.

Edit: The last one blew sometime the next day.

Posted by Mark | February 16th, 2004 @ 3:39 AM | "Photography"

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AOL TopSpeed Technology Aids Mars Rover

NASA scientists working with the two Mars rovers, frustrated with slow image and data downloads, turned to a new AOL feature to “get things going.” Mission Manager Mark Wallace said, “it was really frustrating downloading the pictures. They would download half-way, and then just stop. I wouldn’t know whether to hit the “back” button, the “reload” button, or just wait. Sometimes I’d just go make a pot of coffee. It seemed to go faster when I didn’t babysit it.” The AOL TopSpeed technology, newly introduced to dial-up customers, speeds up data downloads by compressing text data and images. The technique can result in a browsing speed increase of as much as 500%.

“The AOL TopSpeed connection was as fast as the DSL, and marginally faster than the Netzero HiSpeed connection” said a random kid in the mall who obviously knows nothing about computers. NASA first heard about this exciting new technology while watching the Super Bowl. “I saw that commercial where they used AOL TopSpeed technology to make a motorcycle go really freakin’ fast. I was thinking ‘wow, we could put that in the Mars rovers and then they’d be able to travel much faster!’ But at the end of the commercial, one of the actors said that AOL TopSpeed technology is for the internet. So I thought ‘wow, we could put that in the Mars rovers and then we’d be able to browse the Marsnet much faster!’ And I couldn’t believe how much faster it was!” With the implementation of AOL TopSpeed technology, the Mars rovers can now send data at 256,000 bits per second.

ABC News Story: NASA Bumps Up Data Rate From Mars Rovers
AOL TopSpeed: AOL.com

Posted by Mark | February 13th, 2004 @ 7:01 PM | "Fake News"

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Dr. Atkins Was Fat

At the time of his death last year, famed low-carb diet promoter Dr. Atkins weighed 258 pounds which made him clinically obese.

I’ll just let you enjoy that thought for a minute…

…

Keep enjoying it… I know I did.

…

But unfortunately for fans of irony worldwide, the reasons for his bloated state were explained somewhat by the fact that he was in a coma for eight days before he died. Apparently fluid retention is normal during a coma (even 60 pounds worth). It’s a shame… that news nearly made my day. :-D

FOXNews.com Story: Report: Atkins Was Obese, Had Heart Disease

Posted by Mark | February 11th, 2004 @ 6:53 AM | "Humor"

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Tyson: Broke

Not much to say about this. Mike Tyson is flat-out broke.

ESPN.com: Documents: Tyson financial situation is dire

Posted by Mark | February 10th, 2004 @ 8:40 PM | "News"

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France Continues to Ban Religious Apparel

France has taken yet another step toward fascism. The National Assembly voted 494-36 to ban Muslim headwear, crosses, skullcaps, and other religious symbols from public schools. The law is set to go before the Senate on March 2nd, where it will likely pass by another huge margin.

France’s large Muslim population is rightfully outraged.

Read More at NYtimes.com: Ban on Religious Apparel Advances in France

Posted by Mark | February 10th, 2004 @ 8:33 PM | "News"

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MyDoom Virus Hides Its Tracks

A new virus, a variant of the MyDoom virus that spread throughout computers last month, is “planting evidence” on people’s computer. “Doomjuice,” which infects people currently infected with one of the original two MyDoom viruses, places the source code to the first virus on the user’s hard drive. This would be the equivalent of placing exact duplicates of a murder weapon in the house of every person in area of the murder. Looks like he’s probably going to get away, as he doesn’t seem like the stupid type.

ZDNet News Story: MyDoom author may be covering tracks

Posted by Mark | February 10th, 2004 @ 8:13 PM | "News"

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World Record Speeding Fine

A Finnish millionare just been given the largest traffic ticket ever.

Yahoo! News Story: Millionaire Hit with Record Speeding Fine

Posted by Mark | February 10th, 2004 @ 7:51 PM | "News"

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Be Like Janet

You knew it was going to come to this. Introducing the Janet Jackson instanews shirt: T-Shirt Hell

(The link is completely “family friendly,” but be warned that you are bound to find something that offends you if you peruse the rest of their site.)

Posted by Mark | February 8th, 2004 @ 4:52 AM | "Humor"

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Ohio Bans Homosexual Marriage

In an apparent preemptive strike against a future swarm of Massachusetts-married homosexual couples, the state of Ohio has banned same-sex marriages from being recognized in their state. Governor Bob Taft was quoted as saying “It’s about time we did something. Our families are finally safe. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go home and have heterosexual sexual relations with my woman-wife.” When questioned further about what dangers were threatening Ohio’s families, he responded, “Gay stuff. Mostly. Some of the gyms in our state have discounts if you get your spouse to join. We’re just making sure that these discounts aren’t abused.”

Taft went on to call marriage “an essential building block of society” and stressed that it needed to be reaffirmed. “Sure, just like with Legos, it is quite easy to dismantle the building blocks of society… sometimes the pieces don’t fit together well enough and sometimes your dog eats the ONLY laser turret piece in the entire set. But I still think it is a good analogy.” When asked how he would respond to those who would say that the state of marriage in this country is already deteriorating, especially when considering the divorce rate of nearly 50%, Taft replied “I would tell them that I would rather have twenty heterosexual divorces than see one homosexual couple get married. Sometimes marriages don’t work out, and that’s okay, but it’s never okay to hurt families and children, and that’s what homosexual marriage is going to do. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go home and take pride in the fact that my wife is a female woman who is heterosexual.”

Posted by Mark | February 7th, 2004 @ 4:14 AM | "Fake News"

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Happy Birthday Blog

My blog was one year old yesterday. It has made a wish. But it can’t tell you or it won’t come true! :-D

Posted by Mark | February 6th, 2004 @ 2:23 PM | "Site Announcements"

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“Mommy, what’s a nipple shield?”

Doubtless there were more than a few parents asked this or something similar shortly after Justin Timberlake bared Janet Jackson’s right breast at the end of a halftime show duet. So tell them that a nipple shield is like a little crown that doesn’t go on your head, and that she did it because she’s silly and eccentric. It’s the truth, and it’s not going to hurt them to hear it.

Seriously… it was just a nipple. Everyone has one, and everyone has seen someone else’s. Yes, it is not behavior that you probably want your children emulating, but they’ve been running around lifting their shirts up ever since they could walk, so I’m confident you can once again break them of the habit.

Posted by Mark | February 2nd, 2004 @ 2:42 PM | "Commentary"

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Tempus Fugit

Tempus Fugit is Mark Jaquith's weblog: current events, humor, politics, religion, technology, entertainment, and personal topics.

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