[	Current Mood	|	weird	]
[	Current Music	|	dave chappelle and john mayer	]

i think i like someone. actually i KNOW i like him. and it's stupid to like him.

i hate it mostly because i don't want to be taken for a fool because i am really gullible.

i like to make people think i'm a strong, independent girl, but i'm really a stupid sap when it comes to boys. i eat that shit up that they say.

i don't know him well enough to know what he means when he says things.

he says he wants to see me. i would like to believe that he wants to see me for me, but i'm 95% sure that he means it's for physical reasons. i'm a stupid fucking conjugal visit.

stupid me with my stupid gulliblity and my stupid overanalyzing and overthinking of EVERYTHING.

i caught up with greg today and talked about everything - guys, work, money, school, people, and etc.

he said the best thing i've heard in a while: "you know what, rocky? you really deserve a nice intelligent guy."

nice to know someone thinks i'm deserving of a good man.

now where is he?

what brought on this sudden thought of men and my absence of one, you ask?

there's a girl i don't really like and i don't think is that super and she has a fiancee. it's like what am i doing wrong?

plus i was talking to greg about boston guy and there's a slight chance i pissed him (boston guy) off by being cocky. i guess it's karma for that guy that i wanted to shove off. and it's killing me.

sigh.

[

Current Mood

|

full

]

i am still very mad at the moment.

stupid fucking UH and the GREAT possibility that a grant didn't go through. that grant is like $1500. that's scrilla i need.

anyhoo, i'm uber tired so my anger is slowly wearing off.

for no reason today, i remembered how yesterday at putt-putt jorge said he's figured out how i am in bed. mainly because of the stupid things i screamed.

"go in the stupid hole already!"
"no, i didn't mean that hole!"
"oh fuck yeah!"

and his personal favorite: "git it, girl, git it!" with my hillbilly texan accent.

i am such a weirdo. why are you people friends with me?

i was telling mare about my freeway story yesterday. i was on the beltway/ 59 merge and this dude was all on my tail so i put my arm up in a "what are you doing?" fashion. when the lane turned into separate lanes homeboy drives up right next to me and just starts looking my way in a "can i holla at you?" manner and i made the most confused "you're fucking kidding, right?" face. bitch, please. THE END.

work was exhausting today. julie and i established that we're sisters and mark is our brother.

i got mr. "i'm a clingy little pussy" off my ass. sadly he's on someone else's ass now and that person is a friend of a friend/ an acquaintance of mine.

you know how i got him off of me? i used the guy's method where you ignore someone for so long and you're kind of a jerk to him/her that they FINALLY get the hint and get off your ass and you can move on with your life. i just do not have the balls to tell someone to sod off.

bertha, HA, you caved in! what'd you end up buying?

this dude invited me to hang out but i know his ex-girlfriend and we're friends but i'm kinda scared of her because word is she can be a psycho. eep.

jorge's car smells like crayons. my jeans smell like his car.

i think aj from the sopranos is cute. is that wrong?

why am i rambling?

[	Current Mood	|	tired	]
[	Current Music	|	kylie monogue - "love at first sight"	]

it's quarter to 11 p.m. i SHOULD be sleeping. i work at 7 tomorrow morning.

damn, today was bad at work. yesterday was bad. tomorrow will be bad, too. stupid tax free weekend in stupid texas.

anyhoo, work drama...... like i mentioned before, we have a new head manager. .....people are not too fond of him, including me. it gets me that it's not just me and the people that i work around daily, it's the nice people and i mean painfully nice people that are not happy either. the real deal is that we're all being abused and taken advantage of and are quietly threatened (to lose our jobs). i dunno. i am seriously tired of that place. too much stress to work at a stupid mall. i just need to find another job.

besides that, tonight i met anton, jorge's boyfriend. FINALLY. he was really a lot shorter than i had imagined. what a nice kid. good job, jorge. we went miniature golfing. that was fun. it had been a long while since i'd done that. i sucked! anton, mr. "i've never gone mini-golfing before," kicked our asses. i'm telling ya, having boobs has its cons. i need to practice real golf with the brother. perhaps tuesday.

so check it, my brother's best friend is engaged. woohoo. congrats, tim! i've known the dude since i was in 6th grade. what a sweet kid. i just thought of him because their way of hanging out and catching up is by playing golf.

i'm so friggin' sleepy.

oh yeah, so isis and tasha (chickies from work) invited me to go to boston with them because their birthdays are in september and they liked what they saw from my pics. i wanna go! they're only going for labor day weekend. man, am i gonna have to hit that shit if i go?

my feets hurt.

i was at the mall with jorge and anton and mare and mare's friend, tynisha, were there, too. and we ran into angie and then we ran into 2 cats from the class of '03, namely that guy named arse. he said "hey.... you're tristan's ex-girlfriend." ::shudder::

well losers, i'm off.

[	Current Mood	|	weird	]
[	Current Music	|	steely dan - "reelin' in the years"	]

i was being a stupid little dork about 4 minutes ago because i decided to check out the prices of my textbooks for fall '04.... i am not too pleased with the total. i'm even more bothered that the prices of some of the books were unattainable so that total is not final.

money is such a gi-normous issue right now and i hate it. i hate dealing with money.

today mare asked if i could go with her to look for the livestrong bracelets. close but no cigar. everyone's sold out.

she also invited me to lunch with her friend, tam, and hot ass motherfuckin' brian. went to miyako. hot ass waiter and good food. and she took me to teahouse. it took me for-fucking-ever to drink that whole thing. i was done with it by 7 (3 hours later.)

finished watching the sopranos season 4. come out with season 5 on dvd already!

don's giving me a hard time about taking a class together next semester but most classes are filled up already. ::rolls eyes::

we had a stupid pointless meeting at work yesterday. julie and i had to present shit and we just wung it. winged it. wang it. whatever. i encountered this idiot at work. she's this newbie and she just talks a lot of nonsense, too.

julie and i had to make up some dressed up outfit and we had to make up where they were going and what the occassion was and whatever (it was for a 10-year-old boy). so julie put "barmitzvah" as the occassion and this newbie was like "you wouldn't dress up to a barmitzvah! do you know what that is? you don't celebrate that!" i was like "why don't you enlighten me and tell me what it is...."

her answer: it's when a jewish boy turns 15 and gets his penis cut off.

i corrected her and she thought my response was dumb (i told her that there's a thing called a 'bris' and it's not a penis-chopping experience and that barmitzvahs are for 13 year olds, not 15.) and her defense was she's half-jewish and i didn't know anything.

fuckin' a; i was gonna key her face.

i HATE people.

i'm being the boy in this friendship/whatever the fuck it is. what is this calling 2-3 times in 45 minutes because you wanted to say hi? and not letting me leave when it's midnight because you want to talk and i have to work early in the morning? and getting mad when i don't hug you? STOP BEING THE GIRL! stop being A girl!

i'm such a fucking asshole.

boston guy's theory is he's trying to talk his way into my pants. mare's theory is he has a non-sexual crush on me because he wants me to be his hag. the latter is more logical.

mare asked what boston guy's name was and when i told her she said to keep calling him "boston guy."

there was a fire in my neighborhood. it was on the news. not cool.

my mom made seafood sinigang. score!

it's bertha's birthday tomorrow. HA! you're 20 now, too! actually it's today since it's past midnight.

i gotta run errands tomorrow. stupid oil change and whatnot. blech.

[	Current Mood	|	cranky	]
[	Current Music	|	sports center	]

it's august! noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

you know what that means? school is around the corner. and it's getting ready to kick me in the face.

my brother's watching some amc thing. makes me wanna go to japan.

so work was stupid today. busy ass effing day.

hey check it... oran answered my hitting it question. finally! and his answer is tomorrow! awesome! (this is all fake happiness mixed with confusion/ hesitation because he actually gave me an answer.)

anyhoo, my brother and i just got home about 2 -3 hours ago from eating dinner with my parents and family friends. i swear i had an orgasm during dinner. maggiano's little italy is what it's called. hella-expensive italian food but very well worth it. it was a nice restaurant.

speaking of which you know what i never really understood? you know how when you really want to go on a romantic date or something with your bf/gf, you take him/her to get classy and expensive food and of course you're expecting ass at the end of the date because that person just spent like $100 to eat or whatever? i babbled too much but here's my question: aren't you usually too stuffed from all that food you just ate to give it up? or is that just me? because shoot, you don't need to take me to olive garden to get some booty.

i swear i'm acting slutty this summer more than normal and i don't know why. it'll stop.

i talked to miriam today at work and i guess we have something bad but mutual to talk about. i can't really say on here.

my daily interest in sports moment: NOMAR IS LEAVING BOSTON! what the hell? i am genuinely upset. but hey hey, the yankees lost against the red sox. in your face, yankees! (do you see how i don't cheer on the astros?)

and that's all my sports enthusiasm for the day.

well i should sleep, for i have to work from 8a to 3p and then i got a meeting at 6p. UGH.

p.s. hey leslie, i'm really sorry about your cousin. best wishes to your family.

[	Current Mood	|	apathetic	]
[	Current Music	|	tony toni tone - anniversary	]

i abhor that movie.

booo m. night shyamalan. not your best effort but still a commendable one.

that's just my personal opinion.

i'm so tired from work that i really don't even remember what happened today except for watching the movie because it happened like 2 hours ago.

damn. for someone who's been working a lot i still hadn't seen a lot of my coworkers lately. today was the first time in about 2 weeks that i saw koryn. and miriam is my new favorite person there at work but i see her all the time. too bad she's leaving for ut in 2 weeks or so. her and this chick, tizita.

cool, some of my memory is coming back.

so i was talking to deka last night when we were closing and it turns out she went to the same middle school as some people i know from hp. i asked how they were in middle school and her answer didn't really surprise me. notice i'm not saying who it is.

note to self - convince 2 guys from work that go to uh (don and moath) to take cultural psych with me so someone can walk me to my car every day.

note to self II - must talk to managers about stupid shit about some stupid meeting we're supposed to have.

so check it, apparently all 100 and whatever of us that work at that particular gap are starting off with clean slates. i hear we're all not gonna make it. i just roll my eyes at that because it's a fucking mall job where you sell clothes. it's not that crucial. guess i'm starting a real job search this time.

i really need to be asleep. my dumb ass agreed to work at 7 or 8 tomorrow morning and it's 1 right now.

i'm still thinking about "the village." what a waste of money to me. that's gas money right there!

the dorky side of me was excited because i found my preceptorship journal from senior year. oh HCPC memories.

man, i am in lust with this new stock guy. i told cesar and he wasn't at all surprised.

me: i think that new guy is hot.
cesar: who? the puerto rican? yeah i figured. i already told your sister that you'd probably like him.

man, when is he gonna let me hit that?

on that note, goodnight.

[	Current Mood	|	worried	]
[	Current Music	|	angie stone - "holding back the years"	]

i flipped through an old lj post and found this line:

"my resolution for 2004 is to just handle things a lot better: money, friendships, myself."

what a big failure that is. 2004 is slightly better than 2003 but it ain't that far from it on the suckiness scale.

ARGH! i just want to throw bricks at the wall!

karma is coming back to attack me. i probably deserve it though.

i saw "fahrenheit 9/11" today. pretty thought-provoking. that's all i can say.

twenty some-odd days left before the summer is done and school starts. what a scary-ass thought. i'm nervous about school starting for so many reasons.

i talked to boston guy last night and my big mouth said tooooooo much. i think he thinks i'm a bitch now. ::slaps head against table::

7 more days before payday. hope i can make it.

is lloyd banks really 21?

darn, i was supposed to make 2 phone calls hours ago. i'm outta here.

[	Current Mood	|	groggy	]
[	Current Music	|	sports center	]

i've been practicing my new pick-up lines on the guys at work and the results are STUPID. i'm sure i heard them from someone or somewhere but i can't remember where.

my approach is this... i'll go up to a guy, any guy, REAL close and i'll rub his arm really softly and go "hey... can i holla at you?"

OR the better one i do has the same approach and then i ask "when are you gonna let me hit that?"

i tried it on oran and he was shocked that little 10-year-old me said that. but the gay guys at work really liked it. why did they actually answer a day i could hit it?

so what do you think? am i gonna get my ass kicked or what?

ANYHOO, i have ONE day off this week. i'm sure that's not a gigantic deal because there are people who work endlessly but eh. 6 days of work is a lot to me.

we have a new head manager. .... i don't really have a set opinion of him yet. he's okay to me so far. he's not the nicest guy in the world but he's not a complete jerk.

there's this seasonal girl, miriam, wow - the nicest person i've met ever (after trang and angel). so unbelievably nice, down to earth, and smart. i'm a little jealous.

i HATE paul. i swear i will call the gap abuse hotline and report his bitch ass. i just can't stand it when you treat me with disrespect. i can smile and do what you ask me to do but trust me, i'll fuck your ass up. and there lots of things i can report.

i started watching "aqua teen hunger force" because of mare. it really is stupid but funny. poor meatwad.

i feel i've been a bitch because someone i know is being really whiny and dependent. i don't want to hold your hand through every effin' thing. "why didn't you say hi to me? you must not like me anymore. what did i do wrong? are you mad at me?" and blah blah blah. ::rolls eyes:: don't be a boy and whinier than me!

seems i look a little tomboyish but awesome to the boys at work because i know "kill bill" and "sopranos" stuff and i've heard like 3 porn star names.

you know who's really pretty? this porn star named tera patrick. why is she so hot? that was my moment of randomness.

well i guess i'll go watch "sopranos" now.

[	Current Mood	|	discontent	]
[	Current Music	|	kanye west - "jesus walks"	]

i feel like shit. about myself. about other people. about everything.

and i don't know what to do.

i am tired. physically and emotionally. more physically because i've been trying to bust my ass for the last 2 months to get a couple of decent paychecks.

apparently the stress was all over my face at work today. "what's wrong?" and so on and so forth.

the boston guy has tried to cheer me up and been quite successful with it so i'm a little better.

the new cats at work are stupid. well i can come up with 2 dumbasses, but the rest are okay. i hate that fresh out of high school cockiness.

a customer told julie i was rude today. why? because i answered your question and you didn't like answer?

work again tomorrow. time to sleep.

[	Current Mood	|	apathetic	]
[	Current Music	|	richard cheese - "gin and juice"	]

i don't know what to do about this loan i took out for school. i don't know if i'm supposed to get a response after i mailed this thing in or what.

lucky magazine is stupid. they send me magazines whenever they remember. i'm gonna have to tear 'em a new one.

i just finished "kids" about 45 minutes ago. crazy ass stuff. it's like "thirteen" but more guy-focused.

i think i love will, this stock manager from work. he burned me this cd of cover songs by richard cheese and lounge against the machine. he and cesar thought i'd really like them so they burned me a copy.

yasi suggested a group of us take a trip right before school. that'd be stellar. i don't know where to or how we're gonna get there or anything but it'd be awesome.

i work at 9 tonight. i'm trying to bore myself so i sleep a little bit and then am ready to go by 9. i gotta be up there until 6 in the morning.

spent saturday with mare and her friends for her birFday. and i dragged someone along...

have you ever met someone and been around them so much (not really so much but enough times to hold you for a month) that it feels like you're getting too close too soon?

i'm telling you, mare... there's something i don't trust about that guy!

man, my sleeping routine is gonna be messed up.

there's this new guy, bobby, that i really like. not like like, but like talking to. he, for some reason, reminds me of jarrod and i really like that. he's trying to help me out with my tattoo plans.

i feel i've been/ am being a bad friend. is it selfish to focus on yourself this summer?

went to chili's with mare, leslie, and nubia today. man, i feel full. still. and this is like 4 hours later.

tomorrow is mare's birthday. you're one year closer to being 20!

life's been pretty uneventful lately. you see regular everyday crap though.

today i was at cvs and guess what i saw! your guess is probably wrong so i'll just tell you. a guy with 2 kids buying a couple boxes of condoms. i just nodded in agreement to myself.

i don't want to work tomorrow but i'm poor so i think i'll work past my time.

i want a tattoo. i need suggestions on places to go get one/ places on the body to get one/ what to get.

i'm trying to win this contest at work so i can go to new york.

the boston guy said i wouldn't make it up north. i've been wondering if that's true. and i quote, "they'd eat you alive up here."

bertha's in boston. i'm a little jealous.

everytime an "anchorman" trailer comes on tv and they show that part where will ferrell is dancing in a speedo, why do i look at his ass?

i don't know why i bothered signing on. i'll write when i have something important to say.

[	Current Mood	|	exhausted	]
[	Current Music	|	maxwell - "fortunate"	]

my latest idea: a "how to get into racquel's pants" mix. maxwell is only appropriate.

i've jokingly told people and they said it's not necessary because i'm apparently easy. so FUCK YOU.

ANYHOO -

i have been tired and busy like a mug. tuesday will be my first day off in a week. bah! i am tired!

so check it, last night cesar had a party with some people and stuff and my brother and i didn't leave until 1 or something. and i had to be at work at 6 in the fucking morning. man, 2 hours of sleep isn't cool.

besides that, the party was good. my sister is a riot when she's drinking. i don't really drink but according to cesar and my brother, i'm the touchy-feely kind. my brother didn't really like seeing his big and little sister acting a fool. sorry, man.

fuck am i tired or what.

oh, and on friday after work i saw "anchorman." will ferrell is so stupid. it was kinda cheesy but still kinda funny. i'd half-ass recommend it.

i'm having mild boy drama. i'm more just whatever about it but the guy's actions kinda confuse me. i dunno. in a nutshell, this guy is so attentive and talkative and likes to be around me that it makes me question what he wants from me. maybe it's just my paranoia.

i just got mare's birthday gifts. woohoo. hope you like them, yo.

good luck on your tests, yasi.

goodnight, bitches.

[	Current Mood	|	restless	]
[	Current Music	|	"love actually" soundtrack	]

i cannot wait for my paycheck this week. God bless direct deposit.

this weekend has been pretty mediocre. i've been working like crazy. stupid 4th of july weekend. i was all snappy looking on saturday and got a lot of compliments; my ego is growing as i type.

on saturday, i went to mare's and chilled with her and jackie. i'm not over the lasagna, yo. that was time well spent.

on sunday i worked in the afternoon then went by isis' apartment for the holiday. had a couple of drinks, helped with the cooking, met up with gap kids and met isis' boyfriend and family, then left. why is it such a big deal when minors drink? it's not that big a deal. we were at the pool but got kicked out. that was funny.

today was boring. had a meeting at work. i was gonna go out but then remembered my stupid ass is broke so i declined.

i am a little excited about tomorrow. i'm gonna tag along at the driving range with my brother and he's gonna teach me some golf.

i have gap shit to read over because apparently i'm a sales coach. sales coach = the new folks resource for EVERYTHING. and that means i have to know EVERYTHING. ben says we're like mini-mini-mini-managers. i guess that's a big deal. ::shrugs shoulders:: whatever.

i've got a karaoke/ dance/ drinking games partay on saturday. my sister and i have a duet apparently? i dunno. any song suggestions?

[	Current Mood	|	sleepy	]
[	Current Music	|	jonny z	]

am i the only one who remembers jonny z from when i was in 7th grade? that was like... umm... 1997. man oh man. why do i STILL know the lyrics to his songs?

anyhoo, still poor. picked up some crazy hours this week, though. i hope i will be one rich bitch by next week. or semi-rich after i pay some bills. gotta save dough for next summer's trip. more for school.

i was drinking some alcoholic thing and now i feel really crappy.

today was one crazy ass rainy day. i nearly got told off today. not by a customer but by a co-worker. and it was for some triflin' ass bullshit. stupid ass cocksucker.

good luck on your final, mare.

bras will be the end of me, i swear.

i kinda miss talking to someone on the phone at this time. but NO. i'm just a loser for feeling that way.

wish me a good rest of the week at work. 3 cheers for no days off.