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Apple iBook G4: $1099.00 AirPort Extreme Card: $79.00 Parking at Clarendon Mall: $.50 Ass-fucking jokes: Priceless You really can buy your way out of any situation. Wonkette would like to thank the capitalist system for making her return possible. We'll... [more]

Wonkette in Recovery

Many thanks to all those who sent in tips on local burn units, but Gawker HQ exaggerated just a bit in its account of yesterday's computer meltdown. It did not catch fire in a freak bourbon-and-lube accident. It just slipped... [more]

The Wonkette Google Referral Rumor Index

A few of the search strings that brought people here over the past week, and what we think they mean. Remember: Gossip is what people want to know more about. • barack obama drug addiction: Give Alan Keyes's campaign manager... [more]

A Preemptive Strike on Girls Night Out

Found on Craigslist, apologizing in advance:Dear Self: I am writing you in advance of this evening’s happenings; because I am convinced tomorrow I will be too hung over to apologize. And its not that I wouldn’t apologize, because I would,... [more]

WASHINGTON POST EXCLUSIVE!! MUST CREDIT WASHINGTON POST!! GIRL HAS SEX AND IS SYMBOL OF AN ENTIRE WARPED GENERATION!!

There was a Washington Post Sunday Magazine article about who? Some Senate aide who had sex for money!?!? When did this happen? And what could it possibly meant that someone wanted to have sex that "physically hurt"? Rather than just... [more]

Wonk'd: Delta Dawn, What's That Song Edition

This edition of Wonk'd is dedicated to yesterday's Delta Shuttle from New York to Reagan National. Which one? We're not sure there was more than one. As we understand it, this route's already high concentration of famous-for-DC personages was increased... [more]

Wonkette Word of the Day

Regarding a certain creepy but not entirely serious (we think) appeal for Wonkette-alikes, Wonkette's whiskey operative creates a not-entirely-needed neologism: Feeling both jealous and relieved that no one has ever posted a craiglist message about a fantasy about you, after... [more]

Remainders: Beginning of the End Edition

• BookNotes slams shut. Says Lamb, "When you add it all up, I've committed about 1.8 years of my life to reading books for the series." Hey, enough with vague obsfucations! Why, really, Brian, why? [MultichannelNews] • Bush Cabinet: Hot... [more]

"Wonkette" "Wanted" (We're Touched You Noticed the Chucks, Though)

You can find almost anything on Craigslist. Almost.:This is my second try for this, as the first try elicited no worthy responses. I am a 26 year old male seeking either male or female help with living out a fantasy.... [more]

Gore-Ku: Submissions

Gore-Kus of note:Election stolen! Too depressed to shave, at last you moved on (dot org). -- RO Wonkette, Kerry's hung,  it's true.  But Tipper's man has six full feet of wood. -- MCWe seem to have reached some kind of point of diminishing returns with the... [more]

Gore-Ku: Pleas and Cries

Who knew the pent-up demand for poetry about Al Gore? We've got people submitting Gore-Kus who aren't even interested in becoming the Wonkette love slave. . . they just like writing haikus about Al Gore! What pussies! Betcha a lot... [more]

Gore-Ku: Preliminary Results

While we're a long way from figuring out who to bring into the Wonkette fold (huh-huh) out of the literally tens of people who applied, we are very pleased with the Wonkette readership's poetic stylings. You people really know how... [more]

Wonkette Seeks Nubile Young Thing(s)

Do you have a bad attitude and time on your hands? Wonkette seeks sulky D.C. area college students or recent graduates for part-time menial labor and reporting duties. Please send an email saying why you want the job and a... [more]

Wonkette Watch: Catch Wonkette on MTV

BoiFromTroy -- In case you forgot, Wonkette's regular editrix is in Boston as a correspondent for MTV. Like us, though, you haven't seen her on MTV and were wondering when, if ever, you'd see her. We have it on good... [more]

A Comparison: BoiFromTroy vs. Wonkette

Happy Weekend Wonkette readers! After Wonkette's wonderful introduction, she covered most of the bases. Yes, I am gay and I am Republican...but when she said I was, "a big gay and a big Republican," I hope she was talking about... [more]

Jenna and Barb Chat

Just to be clear: Of course we'll be at the chat (in a virtual manner). If we can stand it! Just looking at the picture they've got up there makes us hot! Jenna, Barb: Don't be afraid! We just want... [more]

T Minus 30 Minutes to Hot Bush Girl Action

We have it on good authority that the BC04 campaign has explicit order to keep "Wonkette from getting anywhere near Jenna and Barb." But in cyberspace, no one can hear you stalk. We've been giddy about the girls' live chat... [more]

Democratic Convention Wisdom: A Wonkette F.A.Q.

Based on email from readers and various media enquiries about our plans for next week's Democratic National Convention coverage, we have determined the need for responses to frequently asked questions. There is a tie for most frequently asked: • Will... [more]

Wonkette Sponsor Shoutout

Wonkette loves you. Wonkette loves the advertisers more. • Center for American Progress: The Progress Report "I've already found this update to be indispensable - Paul Begala" • Politemps: "Temps with a clue - about politics" • Challenging Delay, Inc:... [more]

Gaymarriage Belles: Dan and Me

It's rare that we get accused of being subtle, but it looks like our little shoutout to "D.S." in Tuesday's post did not catch the attention of the many, many, many well-wishers who have written to inform us about our... [more]

Wonkette Housekeeping, Convention Planning

First of all, we'd like to apologize for the number of typos in today's posts. Our spelling has never been that good, but today it seems to cross some heretofore unknown line between merely lazy and actually illiterate. Without our... [more]

Kerry-Edwards Under the Stars

Wonkette's liberal media elite operative writes with a first person account of last night's attempt by the Dems to "rock" the "vote." Warning: You will be rocked.Just arrived at the Kerry-Edwards gala circle jerk at Radio City Music Hall. Crowd... [more]

Wonkette Does Boston

We are so embarrassed. Scooped by the WP's Reliable Source and about our own career, no less! Today he reports that Wonkette will be covering the Democratic National Convention for MTV News, and there's some speculation as to whether Ana... [more]

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