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Hold*This*Thread Cause I am watching CMT and Refusing to Sleep... [15 Nov 2004|10:57pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | DEIRDRE'S SONG IN MY HEAD ] Future daughter names: CORRINE JEAN and/or SUZANNE JO (I'M ALL INTO NAMING MY KIDS AFTER GREAT PEOPLE....) Future son names: I DEFINATELY WANT A JUNIOR AND JOSHUA CHARLES Any annoying habits? OVERSLEEPING..I'M LATE SOMETIMES.. Any good habits? I AM A GOOD DISHWASHER LOADER & AN EXCELLENT GIFT GIVER Are you too shy to ask someone out? HELLO? DID YOU FORGET WHO YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE? Best Advice: OPTIMISM; A CHEERFUL FRAME OF MIND THAT ENABLES A TEA KETTLE TO SING THOUGH IN HOT WATER UP TO ITS NOSE. (FROM A FORTUNE COOKIE!) OR "TEACHING IS A TWO FOLD JOB--PROVIDING THE KNOWLEDGE AND BEING THE COMPASS." Best feeling in the world: CMOING HOME AFTER BEING GONE FOR A LONG TIME, WALKING INTO A PLACE AND EVERYONE KNOWING YOUR NAME, REACHING A NEW HEIGHT IN A RELATIONSHIP (YOU KNOW, LIKE REALIZING YOU CAN TELL YOUR MOM ANYTHING, OR FINDING OUT THAT A GUY HAS JUST REALIZED YOU'RE NOT AS INNOCENT AS YOU SEEM....LOL) Can you do any thing out of the ordinary in your dreams? DON'T THINK SO. Color socks you're wearing: NONE, THOUGH TODAY I WAS WEARING A PAIR OF SCOTT'S CHRISTMAS SOCKS FROM LIKE, 3 YEARS AGO! How many shoes you own: OH SO MANY. I WEAR GYM SHOES TO SCHOOL AND WORK AND I'VE GOT 2011 SHOES OTHER THAN THAT. Have you ever been in love? NOPE, CAUSE I'M ONLY FALLING IN LOVE ONCE. Least favorite subject: I'M AN ENGLISH MAJOR--IT'S MATH FOR CRY EYE! Least Favorite food: UGH, FISH. One thing you hope you do before you die: GIVE MY PARENTS SOMETHING AMAZING. One thing you wish you could tell the whole world: THE NICEST THINGS THAT YOU'VE DONE ARE THE UNSUNG THINGS. AND BE GOOD TO YOUR CHILDREN. THEY'RE GONNA LIVE IN THE SAME WORLD WITH MINE. Right now whom do you want to marry and spend the rest of your life with? SOMEONE WHO SPARKS ME. YOU MAY KNOW WHO THIS IS. The person you admire most: MY MOMMACITA AND...WEIRD, BUT TRUE. ALAN JACKSON. THIS IS A TOTALLY RECENT DEVELOPMENT. Best music for fall: ANYTHING ACOUSTIC, PARTICULARLY BON JOVI. WE'VE BEEN HANGING OUT LATELY. Roller coasters--deadly or exciting? NOT DEADLY, SO EXCITING! The Person that Knows the Most About You: NADINE MARIE HOVANEC Things you collect: SHOES AND PICTURES What's the longest time you've gone without brushing your teeth? 24 HOURS? What college do you want to go to? I'M AT A GREAT COLLEGE, BENEDICTINE UNIVERSITY. STOP LAUGHING. I'M BEING SERIOUS! What color are the pants you are wearing? BLACK JAMA PANTS What color is your computer desk? GREY FAUX MARBLE What did you do or what are your plans today &/or weekly goals: MY DAY IS OVER, BUT THIS WEEK I WILL DELIVER MY THESIS, FINISH MY MIDTERM AND GET READY TO TAKE TIME TO RELAX AND SPEND ALL THIS OVER DUE TIME WITH EVERYONE WHO'S COMING TO CELEBRATE MY BIRTHDAY! What do you do first, Button and Zip, or Zip and Button? BUTTON THEN ZIP Do you use the speed dial to rank your friends? NOT RANK, BUT IT'S IN THE ORDER OF WHO I CALL THE MOST...EXCEPT FOR NADINE. SHE'S A VOICE DIAL. Whose parents do you know best? MY OWN. AND AMY'S, I THINK. WE'VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR FOREVER!! Who do you hang out with the most? ME, MYSELF AND I...OH! AND MY BOOKS. Who knows all your secrets? NADINE. Who are you jealous of? PEOPLE WHO CAN MICROMANAGE THEIR TIME...I NEED LESSONS IN THIS. Who has the cleanest room? NADINE AGAIN..SHE'S ALWAYS CLEANIN! What do you identify yourself with? I IDENTIFY MYSELF AS A HOVANEC, A NUGENT, A STUDENT, AS A BARISTA FOR SURE, AS AN MAA GIRL...A DAUGHTER, A FRIEND, A ROCK... What do you like to wear to bed? JAMA PANTS AND A T SHIRT BABY..I'VE GOT MY ARIZONA BLANKET TO KEEP ME WARM! What do you Look for in a Person of the Opposite Sex? SENSE OF HUMOR...AND A CHALLENGE...ALSO, DRIVE FOR SOMETHING THAT THEY LOVE. SHOWS DEDICATION...AND A GUY TO SLEEP IN ON SUNDAYS WITH. What do you plan to do with your life? I AM GOING TO BE MR. HOLLAND. I WATCHED THAT MOVIE THIS WEEKEND, AND IT IS THE MOST INSPIRING MOVIE I'VE EVER WATCHED. THANK GOD FOR PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY WANT TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE SO BADLY THAT THEY LET IT CONSUME THEM. What do you remember most about this year? MY ROADTRIP, FINDING A CLOSER FRIEND IN DEIRDRE, FIGHTING WITH KYLE, MISSING MY SISTER SO BADLY, SPENDING TIME WITH COURTNEY AND THE FEEL OF BEING IN THE ARIZONA SUN... What guy/girl do you want more than anyone else? MUST WE PUT THIS DOWN IN WRITING? What is the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning? UGH, I CAN'T BREATHE (I'M CURRENTLY ILL.) What kind of shoes would you be? THE GYMSHOES THAT YOU WEAR EVERYWHERE AND BRING YOUR JOURNEY A GREAT DEAL OF COMFORT. What would be the first thing you'd change if you ruled the world? I'D MAKE SCHOOLING MORE AFFORDABLE AND MAKE SURE TEACHERS GET PAID MORE! What would make your life complete? A PERSON TO SHARE EVERYTHING I'VE GOT WITH Age you want to get married? 27. IT'S A GREAT NUMBER. Age you want to have kids? AFTER I'VE GOT EVERYTHING ELSE SETTLED. Number of kids you want to have? A WHOLE FOOTBALL TEAM WORTH. What would you do if your friend told you he was gay/lesbian? TELL EM I ALREADY KNEW. I ALWAYS KNOW. When you meet a person of the preferred sex, what do you notice first? EYES. Where do you see yourself in ten years? DREADING TURNING 33 THE WAY I'M DREADING 23 Who are you talking to online at the moment? THANK GOD FOR AWAY MESSAGES. Would you eat a bowl of live crickets for $40,000? YEP, AND I WOULDN'T THINK TWICE. Do you ever have that falling dream? NOT USUALLY. What color is your floor/carpet in your room? ITS UGLY APARTMENT GREY Where is your computer in your house? ON MY DESK IN FRONT OF THE WINDOW. If you chew gum, what kind? SPEARMINT! Do you use chapstick? SOMETIMES. How did you spend this past summer? WORKING TWO JOBS, ROAD TRIPPING, FAMILY TRIPPING AND LAUGHING. I REMEMBER LAUGHING ALOT. When was the last time you showered? 6AM What are you wearing right now? BLACK JAMA PANTS, AND A BABY BLUE TANK TOP What are you doing tonight? GOING TO BED SO I CAN GET UP FOR WORK IN THE MORNING. Are you tired? GETTIN THERE. Are you lonely? NOT SO MUCH. Are you happy? STRESSED, BUT HAPPY Are you hungry? NOPE. THERESA MADE ME CHICKEN! Are you talking to someone? NOPE. I SHOULD'VE CALLED NADINE THOUGH. Are your ready for this survey to be over? SORT OF, I'M SLEEPY! Are you eating? NOPE. Are you a virgin? NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS. How long did this survey take you? I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY. Do you think this was a big waste of time? JUST MAY HAVE BEEN. BUT DEIRDRE CAN'T HAVE ALL THE FUN, NOW CAN SHE? How do you feel now that this is over? READY FOR SLEEP... "HEADS CAROLINA...TAILS CALIFORNIA..."

3 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread Celebrate, Remember a year in the life of friends.... [25 Oct 2004|12:55pm] [ mood | energetic ] I just wanted to let everyone know that just as I was exceptionally sad on Saturday, I am exceptionally happy today. Woke up early...talked to Buno...made some plans with my Buno...went to get coffee on a beautiful day...and now, I'm off to class. I've also decided that I need to wear make up more often. It really makes me feel good. It shouldn't. But it does. And honestly, cause I wear it for me, not for anyone else. LOVE that. Just love it. Anyway, Modern English beckons me.... --jenn. PS-- The hickey is almost gone! I'm glad no one noticed. Besides, I just walked into my room, and this song from RENT was on the Winamp, and lemme just tell you that it means that my Nanny is around me today. Probably why I feel so great.

4 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread A Somewhat weekend update, aka, a UWIP [23 Oct 2004|08:50pm] [ mood | lonely ] [ music | Law & Order: SVU ] So, it's Saturday night, 8:51 pm. Doing Laundry. Mulberry Inscence. Eating frozen pizza. Watching a rerun of Law & Order: SVU. Looking forward to watching Saturday Night Live. I know. It's pathetic. Simply, awfully pathetic. I completely relish an empty apartment, but that's only because I can clean up and not expect it to be a total mess in the living room as soon as the night is over. And, let's face it, it's nice to sleep in just a t-shirt without worrying about a drunken roommate coming in. Anyway, let's jump off that too much information bus and get back to the whole point for writing this entry. I, ladies and gents, have finally reached my personal epitome of aloneness. Yes, that's right. I went out and saw a movie by myself. I've always wanted to try it, but never had the balls to do so, because I've always thought that it would confirm that I am truly okay without anyone else. Not okay in the validation sense, but okay in the fact that I can be without human contact for hours, and that's okay with me. Not that I want to be needy, but I want to need people, you know what I mean? Maybe not. But this is my irrational rambling, not yours (just kidding.) But anyway, as I woke up this morning at 10:30 AM (because I've lost the ability to sleep for 12 hours Deirdre, lol!) I decided that I was going to just fly by the seat of my pants today. At 3, I took a shower and decided that I was going to try seeing a movie alone, just to see if I could handle it. I got dressed, put make-up on, did my hair and then BAM! I was off to Woodridge to see "The Grudge" (which was pretty scary, it was definately a good movie to see with a date, as there is much jumping and armrest grabbing) alone. I know that I must be a moron for thinking this, but I thought that I wouldn't do it. That I'd chicken out, and I'd just go to my parents' house or something. But, I didn't. And, though I watched the movie and liked it, I walked out of there more sad than I have ever been. I sat in my car and felt like crap. Why was I so secure being by myself? Why was I thinking that I would say no, because I was just too open to other people to be okay to be alone? But no, I did it. Then, I started thinking too much about it because I thought that maybe I always present myself as okay being alone. If I act that way, does it make me appear closed off to other people? Do people see that and leave me alone? What is it that makes me act that way? Am I confident, or hiding? I say confident, but there's always that little part of me that really makes me wonder how much of the hiding part is true. So, to top off this pathetic weekend buttercream cake, let's point out my drunken assness at Bourbon Street. (don't you love how weekends start on thursday now?) Kyle left the bar and I felt like shit. Like shit, and the biggest third wheel that was ever invented. I babbled and I sounded like an ass. Then, I felt like an even bigger ass, so I remedied that situation with at least 4 more beers. I made a big ole deal about some small kiss that happened between the two of us (me and Kyle. over the summer. not even any tongue. We were both wasted, we've never even mentioned it...hence, meaningless.) Yet, at that moment, because I was drunk and third wheeled and an ass, it was worth mentioning. But, believe me, it was so minor. But at that moment, I thought that it was great. Yeah, I know. It means nothing, nothing at all. It means so "little" to me that I am going to forget about it, and I would appreciate it if you all would too. But, drunken Jenn embarasses herself enough to not know when to shut up. Granted, I again had a pretty good time, but still. I was lonely. What's wrong with me? Why am I okay with being by myself and living in this little shell? I know exactly what's wrong with me. Everything I do is guarded. Everything I say, every thought that moves out of my mouth is quiet to full truth. Everything I put in front of my face, it puts another layer of protection over my life. I'm counteracting my own actions. Setting myself up for failure.... I'm stopping this right now. I'm just being stupid, don't put any merit to it, I just needed to get out these ramblings out. My laundry's done anyway.

1 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread Doing Deirdre's Survey... [06 Sep 2004|08:59pm] [ mood | cheerful ] [ music | THE WEDDING SINGER! ] 1. What is the geekiest part of your music collection? HMM...I'M PRONE TO NAMING CDS FOR SPECIFIC SITUATIONS...WHEN LISA AND I DROVE TO WISCONSIN, IT WAS THE NORTHWARD BOUND CD. WHEN I WORKED AT THE COFFEE CORNER, IT WAS THE BREAKFAST BLEND...I THINK THAT ALONE MAKES ME GEEKISH. 2. What do you eat when you raid the fridge late at night? POP. PROBABLY THE WORST THING IN THE WORLD, BUT POP. 3. What is your secret guaranteed weeping movie? EITHER STEPMOM OR BEACHES 4. If you could have plastic surgery, what would you have done? DEIRDRE, I LOVE NIP/TUCK TOO! ANYWAY, I WOULD HAVE...I DON'T KNOW. I'M REALLY HAPPY WITH MYSELF, SO ITS HARD TO EVEN ANSWER. 5. Do you have a completely irrational fear? PEOPLE CALL IT IRRATIONAL, BUT TO ME ITS COMPLETELY RATIONAL--FISH AND OTHER SELECTED SEA LIFE. LOL 6. What is the little physical habit that gives away your insecure moment? HERE IT IS LADIES AND GENTS...HOW TO KNOW WHEN I'M NERVOUS... I PLAY WITH MY HAIR TWICE AS MUCH AS USUAL. AND I SAY 'YEAH' ALOT. AND WHAT'S THE WORST? I PLAY WITH MY CUP ALOT ALOT. 7. Are you a pyromaniac? NOT THAT I CAN RECALL. 8. Do you have too many love interests? WHEN IT COMES TO MYSELF, I KNOW THAT LESS IS MORE. THEREFORE, I HAVE TO SAY THAT ONE LOVE INTEREST IS ENOUGH FOR ME. 9. Do you know anyone famous? I'M FAMOUS IN MY OWN RIGHT...AND ONCE, ONCE, I WAS DRUNK IN THE SAME BAR THAT JOHN CORBET WAS RUMORED TO HAVE WALKED IN! 10. Describe your bed: THE ONE AT HOME IS THE HUGE ONE WITH THE SUN MOON AND STARS COMFORTER. THE ONE AT SCHOOL HAS SEVEN PILLOWS, A BACKREST AND IS CHEETAH PRINT. IT MATCHES MY MARTINI PARTY THEME! 11. Spontaneous or planned? I TRY TO BE SPONTANEOUS...BUT TIME IS SPARSE, SO PLANNED IT IS! 12. Who should play you in a movie about your life? I BET THAT I WOULD DO THE BEST...BUT I'M OPEN TO SUGGESTION. 13. Do you know how to play poker? MY GREAT GRANDPA HONK TAUGHT ME HOW! 14. What do you carry with you at all times? MY CELLPHONE, KEYS AND OF COURSE, A STARBUCKS APRON IS ALWAYS IN MY CAR...YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YOU OR A FRIEND WILL NEED AN EMERGENCY ONE! 15. What do you miss most about being little? THE ANTICIPATION OF GETTING OLDER. YOU ALWAYS HAD SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO. YOU COULD MAKE UP THESE OUTRAGEOUS STORIES ABOUT THINGS YOU EXPECTED TO HAPPEN AND WHEN THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN...BUT NOW, WHEN YOU GET HERE, AND YOU FIND OUT THAT THINGS DON'T HAPPEN LIKE YOU PLAN. 16. Are you happy with your given name? YEAH. IT'S GOT ALOT OF LETTERS AND MY FULL NAME UTELIZES A V, Z, B, J AND....AN F. NOT MANY NAMES DO ALL OF THOSE AT ONCE. 17. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year? IF I WAS LIVING AT HOME, NOT VERY MUCH. I'M ONLY ON ALOT WHEN SCHOOL IS IN SESSION. HERE, IT'S JUST MINE, YOU KNOW? AT HOME, IT'S COMMUNITY PROPERTY THAT NADINE LIKES TO TAKE OVER. 18. What color is your bedroom? AT HOME IT'S A GOLDEN WHITE COLOR, NAVY BLUE AND GOLD. AT SCHOOL, THE WALLS ARE WHITE, BUT THERE ARE ACCENTS OF BLACK, BROWN, GREEN...YOU NAME IT, IT'S HERE! 19. What was the last song you were listening to? CHINA GIRL--BILLY IDOL 20. Have you ever been in a play? SAFETY CIRCUS WHEN I WAS IN 5TH GRADE (SERVING AS RINGMASTER) AND THE 6TH GRADE CHRISTMAS PLAY (I WAS SENIORITA BONITA) AND OF COURSE, MAA'S PRESENTATION OF "CINDERELLA" (AS VILLAGER 1) 21. Have you ever been in love? I'M NOT SURE THAT IT WAS LOVE...IT PROBABLY WASN'T. BUT AS WE ALL KNOW, JENN DOESN'T DO ANYTHING WITHOUT PUTTING HER EVERYTHING INTO IT... 22. Do you talk a lot? OH YEAH! AMES, LISA AND I WERE TALKING THE OTHER DAY ABOUT HOW IN GRAMMAR SCHOOL THERE WERE CODES THAT TEACHERS COULD USE TO ADD COMMENTS FOR THE PARENTS--I ALWAYS GOT "EXCESSIVE TALKING" 23. Do you like yourself and believe in yourself? YOU'VE GOTTA BE GOOD TO YOURSELF IN ORDER TO BE GOOD TO ANYONE ELSE. 24. Do transient, homeless, or starving people sometimes annoy you? I HAVEN'T HAD ENOUGH LONG TERM EXPOSURE TO BE ANNOYED. IT WOULD TAKE MORE THAN A FEW SECONDS TO GET TO ME. 25. Do you consider yourself to be a nice person? ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS TO SAY IS "KILL EM WITH KINDNESS" YOU PRACTICE THIS ALOT WHILE WORKING IN THE SERVICE INDUSTRY. 26. Do you spend more time with your girlfriend/boyfriend or your friends? WELL, I SEE KYLE ON ALMOST A DAILY BASIS...LOL. YOU DECIDE. 27. What is your ideal marriage location? ITS GOING TO SOUND STUPID, BUT IN THE SAME CHURCH AS MY PARENTS, MY AUNTS AND UNCLES JUST BECAUSE OF THE HISTORY TO THE FAMILY--ST. MARY'S STAR OF THE SEA. 28. Which musical instrument do you wish you could play? GUITAR. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN. 29. Favorite fabric? THE EASIEST ONE TO SEW IS COTTON/POLY BLENDS. HOWEVER, IF WE'RE TALKING TOUCH TO THE SKIN, THERE'S SOMETHING TO BE SAID FOR SWEATSHIRT MATERIAL. 30. Something you love and hate? I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE, AND I HATE SNOBS. 31. What kind of bedding do you use? IT'S THE ONES THAT MOMMA HO HAS PURCHASED FOR ME. ONE IS FROM TARGET AND THE OTHER IS FROM WALMART. YOU KNOW--THOSE HIGH QUALITY BEDDINGS! 32. Do you tell your friends about your sex life? NOPE. I LIKE TO KEEP THEM IN THE DARK BECAUSE THOSE THINGS ARE PRIVATE. THERE'S ONE SITUATION IN PARTICULAR THAT I KNOW A FEW OF THEM WISH THEY KNEW ABOUT... 33. What's the one language you want to learn? I REALLY REALLY REALLY LOVE ENGLISH...BUT GERMAN WOULD BE SO FUN TO LEARN! 34. How do you eat an apple? AS RARELY AS POSSIBLE. 35. What do you order at a bar? MGD! UNLESS THERE ARE CHEAP BACARDI LIMON AND SPRITES AVAILABLE! 36. Have you ever pierced your body parts? THIS IS A FUNNY QUESTION TO ASK ME...BUT YEAH. MANY TIMES. 37. Do you have tattoos? YES, THREE! 39. Do you drive stick? I CAN. MY CURRENT CAR ISN'T, BUT MY NEXT CAR WILL BE. 40. What's one trait you hate in a person? NEEDINESS. LIKE, YOU NEED PEOPLE NO MATTER WHAT, BUT SOMETIMES THERE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE JUST TOO NEEDY. 41. What kind of watch(es) do you wear? ITS A RELIC BLACK STRAP AND SILVER FACE. 42. Most frivolous purchase? THE GREEN ADIDAS WITH THE WHITE STRIPES AND GOLD WRITING 43. Do you consider yourself materialistic? I AM PROBABLY THE LEAST MATERIALISTIC PERSON YOU WILL EVER MEET. 44. What do you cook the best? I MAKE A MEAN MACARONI AND CHEESE...BUT I BELIEVE THAT I MAKE SECOND TO NONE PANCAKES..YOU KNOW A LITTLE CRISPY ON THE EDGES, AND SOFT IN THE MIDDLE. 45. Favorite writing instrument? A BLUE BIC CRYSTAL PEN. 46. Do you prefer to stand out or blend in? I STAND OUT NO MATTER WHAT I DO! 47. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? I DON'T THINK SO. CALL ME CRAZY, BUT THE BOOBS JUST MAY GIVE ME AWAY! 48. What's one car you will never buy? A MINI-VAN. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS WILL I BE THAT WOMAN OR MOTHER. 49. What kind of books do you like to read? NOVELS WITH STRONG WOMEN WHO TAKE CHARGE OF THEIR LIVES. 50. If you won the lottery, what would you do? PAY MY COLLEGE TUITION AND DEBT, ALL 8 YEARS OF MY SISTER'S...BUY MY PARENTS A NEW HOUSE AND CARS AND THEN PURCHASE MYSELF A VACATION HOME FOR MY FAMILY TO PASS DOWN FOR GENERATIONS. 51. Burial or cremation? CREMATION AFTER GIVING AWAY ALL OF MY USABLE BODY PARTS. 52. How many online journals do you read regularly? I DON'T DO ANYTHING ON-LINE REGULARLY. 53. What's one thing you're a sore loser at? I HATE BEING BEATEN AT SCRABBLE. I'M THE QUEEN OF WORDS! 54. If you don't like a person, how do you show it? YOU PROBABLY WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO TELL. 55. Do you cry in front of your friends? NOT VERY OFTEN. IT TAKES EXTREME CIRCUMSTANCES. THAT'S SOMETHING I DO ALONE. 56. What kind of first impression do you think you give to people? OPEN AND FRIENDLY. 57. What's one thing you like to do alone? DRIVE. I LOVE BEING THE ONLY PERSON IN THE CAR. 58. Are you a giver or a taker? GIVER WHO ENJOYS RECEIVING. 59. When's the last time you cried? WHEN I POURED THE RUBBING ALCOHOL ON MY FOOT AFTER I DRUNKENLY CUT IT UP ON FRIDAY. (LONG STORY.) 60. Favorite communication method? ACROSS A TABLE WITH DRINKS IN HAND. 61. How many drinks before you're tipsy? 6 OR 7 62. Do you think you're cute? I DON'T NECESSARILY THINK OF MYSELF LIKE THAT. 63. Do you have problems changing clothes in front of friends? I WENT TO A CATHOLIC ALL GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL...THERE IS NO ROOM LEFT FOR MODESTY WHEN GYM IS OVER, ITS THE LAST CLASS OF THE DAY AND YOU HAVE TO GET TO THE PARKING LOT.

1 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread [05 Sep 2004|10:24pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | Kenny Chesney--I go Back ] OH dear... School has started again, and there is nothing more that I love about BU than the DSL. Finally it's set up! My apartment with my martini/party themed bedroom is coming along very nicely. I've been begged by many a person for a date concerning the housewarming party, and believe that one is in the works. I want to have it after I finish doing my living room and getting my room together. That's the only way to properly warm a house anyway--by impressing your friends with the warmth of your home. hehe. Anyway, I've taken the time to spend some time just doing what I want to do and having no concern for what anyone has to say about it. Sometimes it means being with people, sometimes it means just being alone. Not that anyone has said much about it you know...but that's okay. I know that the people I know and love are still keeping me in their thoughts somewhere in their full heads. I've got my teaching assignment for this semester and I'm going to be working at Community High School District #94 in West Chicago. That worries me a little bit--I wish that there was a name! It makes me think of the Mighty Ducks Movies where they were just from school PS1293 (whatever numbers they were). But that's one of the things that Illinois requires--you must complete your preclinical hours in a middle, low and high income district. It'll be interesting being in high school again after I spent so much time with the eighth grade last semester. But, as always, i am looking forward to it with muchness. This semester I write my Bachelor of Arts paper. It's supposed to be a 20-25 page thesis on a literary topic of my choosing. I am considering writing about the feminist uprising in Kate Chopin's "The Awakening." Now, I just need to phrase it into a question... Let's put it this way. I've got one class that is dedicated solely to writing this paper. Two days a week, two hours at a time, all I do is research and write this paper. I worked this morning and spent the afternoon and evening with my mom, dad and cousin Courtney at the White Sox game where there was a great deal of SLAUGHTER of the Seattle Mariners. I got so much sun, it's not funny...I've got a line on my forehead where my visor wasn't coering. Hilarious! Found out that my family and I are going to Arizona again for a week in January. I'm so looking forward to that! I've also been invited to Mardi Gras...maybe I've got the travel bug! I've also decided that I am going to grow my hair out and donate it to Locks of Love because I want to do something good for the world, and what better way to do that than to sacrifice of myself...doesn't that define doing something good for the world? Oh, and-- Kyle and I are in love again. What was I thinking being hateful to him? He's been so sweet to me lately...I kinda like that. Okay, I'm off to watch "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" "We all have that song that somehow changed our life...takes us to another place and time..."

Hold*This*Thread FOOD FOR THOUGHT [06 Aug 2004|10:43pm] [ mood | excited ] [ music | That 70s Show and my PURE EXCITEMENT!!! ] DEIRDRE and I are leaving for Nashville in T minus 8 hours!!!!! We bought road trip rations--twizzlers and pringles! woohoo.

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread I think this may have been the longest time without an update! [21 Jul 2004|11:05pm] Whoa sisters and brothers out there, this is jenn. You remember me, don't you? the one whom you all know and love for some god forsaken reason or another? Oh yeah THAT one! It's been forever. And a day. I am not sure what to update, and what not to update, so I'll just do a list of random things that have been going on with me this summer. I am good with those things. Lists. You know. Lists? Lol. 1. I'm over Kyle. Beyond over Kyle. He's just not the man that I thought he was. What really changed that you ask? Honestly, it was the time when he told me that he thought the best thing about a woman was her "rack." I cannot believe that I was ever attracted to someone who would say that! My man, whomever will be out there will be what I thought Kyle was and then more. I am not sure, but I believe that he just totally said that so it's okay to have pushed me away. And that's fine. I am not about fighting for something that isn't interested in being with me. I hate the fact that I put so much into him and now, honestly, I detest him. 2. I have two jobs now. You know, it sucks. I highly UNrecommend it. I am hoping to quit one in the near future because honestly, there is nothing that I even really like about the second one other than the fact that it is a paycheck. 3. I have been spending so much time with Chris lately. It is honestly the only thing that keeps me sane, if you can believe it. Chris is a buddy from work, a shift. He's been supporting me like there is no tomorrow in the whole "let's make Jenn a shift" business, not to mention that he is my life coach. I tell him everything, and we talk about it and he helps me out with making decisions. He's so great. I am glad to say that he is my friend. His birthday is on Saturday, and I got him the best card ever. 4. I am going to Nashville with Deirdre in exactly 15 days. I am looking forward to nothing in this world like this. Deirdre, we are going to bond and drink and laugh so much. Nash Trash touring!! 5. I went country line dancing with Deirdre and Pat and Nadine. Once. They told us to come back on amatuer night. We didn't, but I think that we should go again. It was hilarious! Even with all 4 of our ages combined, we were not as old as some of the people there. 6. I am off the sauce. That's right kids, Jenn is off of pop. 14 days sober, thank you very much. I have been sipping sweet tea and lemonade. Why am I off the stuff? Because my stomach is in a constant state of ache like you wouldn't believe. However, I am also hoping to cleanse my body a little bit. 7. I move into my apartment at BU on August 18. My room is going to be Martini themed. I am already sewing the pillows. It's going to be SO cute. I expect you all to come and chill out with me while you are around the greater Napervillian area. 8. I took a class over the internet this summer. It was the weirdest thing that I have ever heard of in my entire life, but it was awesome. I got an "A" for reading books and writing. It was good. 9. I am going to hopefully be at Bourbon Street tomorrow evening. I am hoping that anyone who knows where that bar is will come and join me, Deirdre and the girls for a brew or two. 10. I love you. To all of the people who haven't heard me say that lately, remember that I love you. I've had a huge summer, a huge weight on my shoulders, but believe me when I say that I am thinking of you all always. Call me sometime, and remind me why I would love to talk to you. 11. Here is the best advice that I have received this summer-- SAVE A HORSE, RIDE A COWBOY!

Hold*This*Thread I know I have to get up for work in like 3 hours, but I wanted to do this [08 May 2004|11:18pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | Saturday Night Live ] 10 People I Enjoy The Company Of: 1. Kyle Allan Wherenberg (cause I want to kiss him, lol.) 2. Lisa Marie "Marie's not my middle name"Giangrosso 3. Deirdre "dont use my middle name Ryan (sucking up to me?!) 4. Amy Lynn "my favorite lunch/walking partner" Buno 5. Nadine Marie Hovanec 6. Charles and Bonnie Hovanec (parents count as one) 7. Kelly Ann Meier 8. Lydia Marie Casillas 9. Scott John Leitner 10. Karen Marie Kucera 9 Things That Are Important To You: 1. College and my eventual graduation from it 2. Finding myself 3. Family 4. Intelligence 5. Sleep 6. Literature 7. Conversations with my boy 8. Writing (its finally come back into my life--thanks LIT370!) 9. My relationships 8 Things I'm Wearing: 1. My broken glasses (the others aren't ready yet) 2. Starbucks polo shirt 3. Christmas socks from Old Navy (B would call them unethical) 4. black pants 5. Blacklight sensitive tongue ring 6. 9/10 earrings (I lost one today!) 7. My 102 girl bracelet 8. My pedicure which needs to be redone (DEIRDRE!!) 7 Things On My Mind: 1. What does "You're important to me mean exactly?" 2. How many more days until my sister comes home again? 3. When will my grades be in? 4. I am so glad I switched back to my Boob Purse 5. He didn't call. 6. My plan to know myself better, and change my life 7. Deirdre and hopefully Buno's and my trip to somewhere nonspecific 6 Items I Touch Every Day: 1. My contacts/glasses 2. My new "secret crush lotion" 3. A pen and paper 4. My hair...alot. 5. My car keys 6. My cell phone 5 Things I Do Everyday: 1. Twirl my hair 2. Sleep too long 3. Call my sister 4. Laugh at my own crazy stories 5. Talk to Kyle 4 Things I Want to Do Before I Die: 1. Get published 2. Teach 3. Buy something ridiculously extravagent for my parents 4. Be debt free 3 things I think of when I wake up: 1. Am I late? 2. What's today's agenda? 3. What the hell is clean for me to wear? 2 Foods you love: 1. Salad 2. Pop 1 Person I Love More Than Any Other: Myself, and I'm beginning to think about me more for once.

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread I wanna talk about me...oh my me my.... [03 May 2004|10:45pm] 1. Who are you? 2. Are we friends? 3. When and how did we meet? 4. How have I affected you? 5. What do you think of me? 6. What's the fondest memory you have of me? 7. How long do you think we will be friends? 8. Do you love me? 9. Do you have a crush on me? 10. Would you kiss me? 11. Would you hug me? 12. Physically, what stands out? 13. Emotionally, what stands out? 14. Do you wish I was cooler? 15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I? 16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it. 17. Am I loveable? 18. How long have you known me? 19. Describe me in one word. 20. What was your first impression? 21. Do you still think that way about me now? 22. What do you think my weakness is? 23. Do you think I'll get married? 24. What makes me happy? 25. What makes me sad? 26. What reminds you of me? 27. If you could give me anything what would it be? 29. How well do you know me? 29. When's the last time you saw me? 30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't? 31. Do you think I could kill someone? 32. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

1 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread It's gorgeous outside, R Kelly is on my Limewire, and I'm inspired... [20 Apr 2004|11:30am] [ mood | loved ] [ music | Billy Joel--For the Longest Time ] 1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says: " Since I cannot alter, I would not repent the resolution I have made, and this page must be witness to the latest year of my life whether I have good grounds to warrant my determination." Emerson's Journals, Age 20. 2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? Brenda's sexy red dress she left on my bed. I'm so glad we're in love again. (Wow, that sounds scandalous.) 3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?: The Food Network before I went to sleep, as Kristin and I do every night. 4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what the time is: 11:35 am 5: Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 11:37 am 6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: Jay-Z singing about getting dirt off of his shoulders, and the construction outside of my window which has inspired BU to waste 15 million dollars. 7: When did you last step outside? what were you doing?: About 15 minutes ago...I was walking back from my 10 o clock, which is Creative Writing: Poetry where my poem again was stunning. 8: before you came to this website, what did you look at?: LimeWire, so I could search for Sean Paul and Busta Rhymes singing "Make It Clap." 9: what are you wearing?: My work gymshoes that look like hell, but the other ones are in the car which is out in the parking lot which is not right under my bed like these shoes were, My favorite jeans and my grey University of Illinois t-shirt (GO CHIEF GO!) 10: Did you dream last night?: I dreamed things that are too scandalous to write in a little quiz. 11: When did you last laugh? When Dr. Kubek called my poem "perfectly Midwestern" and laughed when I said thank you and meant it. (She's an east coast girl...but she loves me regardless. We're feminists together.) (Not like that.) 12: what is on the walls of the room you are in?: Horrible halogen lights which display my IKEA clock, three shot glasses and some of Kristin's pictures, some Healy pictures, a The Dog poster, a map of the world, my collage of fun photos and my IKEA poster with the white cherry blossoms in a coffee cup. 13: Seen anything weird lately?: A guy sing "Lean on Me" last night who was worse than William Hung. It was BU Idol time. 14: What do you think of this quiz?: It's good..I've got a special place in my heart for quizzes. 15: What is the last film you saw?: In the theater? Gothika. WAAAAAY back in November. However, I've recently rented Something's Gotta Give, which is SO cute, and I've been watching School of Rock, which cracks my shit up. 16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? I'd pay off my parents house. If we're talking for myself, I'd pay off ALL of my debt. 17: Tell me something about you that I don't know: The song "Who I Am" makes me cry every time I hear it. I'm really sensitive and sentimental about my family life. 18: If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?: I'd destroy the fucking FCAA. 19: Do you like to dance?: Always. This very morning I did a wake up dance for Kristin. 20: George Bush: is he a power-crazy nutcase or some one who is finally doing something that has needed to be done for years?: Power-crazy? Mentally Ill maybe. But powerful? riiight. 21: Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?: Corrine Jean Wherenberg. (lol) 22: Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?: Joshua Charles Wherenberg. (Kyle insists that there will be no Kyle Junior. He wants his son to have his own identity.) 23: Would you ever consider living abroad?: I'm planning on it. "Now I know the woman that you are, you're wonderful so far, and it's more than I hoped for. I don't care what consequence it brings, I've been a fool for lesser things. I want you so bad, I think that you ought to know that I intend to hold you for the longest time..."

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread A weekend update which was literally bitter and sweet [17 Apr 2004|01:32am] [ mood | peaceful ] [ music | The sounds of my inner girly girl jumping for joy ] Got in a big fight with Brenda. Found out she is no longer living with me next semester, which is fine. I don't want to live with someone who makes me feel like that. I've been left before, I can deal with it again. Plus, I've got Lyndia and Susan. I worry not. The sweetness was found where my heart really feels like it is. It's different to see myself from this perspective. Why am I acting this way? It's JUST a boy. In my mind, I know that he is still male, he still represents everything that petrifies me to the core of my innermost being. He's full of opportunities--to hurt me, to decide I'm not who he wants, to realize I'm not always as good as I am when I'm with him. And that fucking terrifies me. To no end, as a matter of fact. But then, the uncharacteristic side of me comes out. I remember he always offers me his coat. He never lets me open my own door. He was my Ho last night. He told me he doesn't think that a girl would go home and tell her friends that she's found the man she wants to marry. He wants to know where she is. He didn't want me to have to wake up earlier than I needed to this morning, so he didn't sleep over last night. He's always up for anything. Even art. EVEN ART. Read that people! A man who is interested in ART. When I was upset last night, his answer for it was, focus on me. We'll have a good time, and we'll be fine. When I got upset, he was upset. I've never felt luckier. All of these things are happening to me, the things that I thought I knew before, and they're nothing, NOTHING compared to this. It's never the same when you find out that oh yeah, when you think you want someone, it's OKAY for him to want you back. He's SUPPOSED to look out for you and SUPPOSED to act like you exist. Things are becoming more clear to me each day. I try to say it won't work, and that I need to just step back and be alone because I do that alone thing PERFECTLY, but just when I think I've got myself convinced, he says something or does something that just makes me crumble. He told me last night that I can't be like everyone else because I have a heart. I wear my convictions on my sleeve and that's one of the best things about me. I won't back down, and that makes him think even more. I told him he was important to me. He said, thank you. I said you know that right? He said, yeah, I did. He also said, you're important to me to. All of these words, none of the actions to back them up. And believe me, I really really really want the actions. We're making plans for the summer--I'm the wingman, of course. He likes to think he's in charge you know. He asked, you're going to be my wingman this summer, right? I answered, ever the nonchalant cookie, probably. It's almost 2am, and rather than be sleeping the way that I should be for someone who has to work at 8 am, I'm downloading love songs. Sappy love songs. Frank Sinatra and Marvin Gaye and the like. It's insane. He does cartwheels. He can teach the kids how to do that (just kidding, I swear. But he DOES do cartwheels.) About 2 months until his birthday. June 7th, a Gemini. Two different sides to him. He hates gifts, but I have to think of the perfect thing to get for him. "I tried so not to give in...I said to myself this affair never will go so well...but why should I try to resist when baby I know so well...I've got you under my skin..."

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread Shut UP I have a journal? I completely forgot! [12 Apr 2004|05:06pm] [ mood | Happy. REALLY REALLY happy. ] [ music | the sounds of "I Want a Famous Face" ] Alright, that's me being super fecious, but still. There has been, and for the next 3 weeks following today, there WILL be no time for me to update. But, I stayed home today, and recharged my battery, doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. And by home, I mean home. My Lenox. My haven. My Hovanec Haven. (lol.) I'm drifting...obviously. First, I just went and read my friends page and saw the coolest little challenge, and I'm posting it because it just plain sounds like something I would do. 1. Grab the nearest book. 2. Open the book to page 23. 3. Find the fifth sentence. 4. Post the text of the sentence in your journal along with these instructions. "Can you imagine them actually doing it?" Jeanette said. Taken from one of my most favorite books ever, She's Come Undone by Wally Lamb. It's always within arm's reach. The one next to it was The House of Sand and Fog which I read for that horrible Oprah class I took at NIU, and loved this book. It's really interesting to read about people whose lives are so far from yours, but are not all that far from your station in life. Easter was short. I worked and worked before going to Pam's house for dinner. Courtney is growing up SO fast. She got HIGHLIGHTS. I know. She's 14, almost 15. But still. I remember watching her at her Christening. Was that so long ago? I can't believe that the years are going away from me so fast. The more I stop to think about my life and where it is now, where it is inevitably going and how much more I've got to look forward to, it's making me feel a little lonely. I know, I've been writing about this for a long time, but this summer, I've got the goal of finding someone to love. This sounds stupid, I know. But I'm going to focus on loving more than someone else. First, I'm going to work on loving ME. I need to think more about how to be who I feel like I am, and making that person into someone who is an adult. Cause I'm not feelin that lately. Part of being an adult is living responsibly, making good decisions and taking better care of myself. This summer, I'm going to put me first and take hold of every stinking opportunity that comes my way. I'm taking one class, creative writing, so I'll be stress free, and have a creative way to think about the life that I have left. I look into the lives of other people and wonder what I need to be doing so that I don't just hang in limbo like this forever. I'm going to be working out every day, as I'm going to be joining a health club, hopefully with my sister. I plan to be eating right, living right, and taking more time to enjoy the summer months, probably the last one where I won't be working on some HUGE project. I want to start going to church more. I need to find some sort of greater spirituality in my life. Maybe I don't agree with the things that the church teaches in some ways, but if I am going to church simply to find God, there is nothing wrong with wanting that. There is nothing wrong with realizing that I should expect more out of myself; that I should stop being such a puss and be what I know I can be. I just want to come into my own. I feel like I've never really focused on growing up and out of this whole image of myself. I need to let go of all of the things that I have been holding onto about my high school years and moving up into a more adult version of myself. I think, though, that I can do that. I think I can let go of the things that are killing me every day when I think about them and just come into myself. This summer, I am going to find out more about me. Why have I been thinking about this so much lately? Because I think I may have found someone in Kyle. We've been talking so much lately, making so many different illusions to different things. We've been having these discussions about relationships and I've been delivering myself without reservation. He treats me like an intellectual equal, though he blows my mind every time he parts his lips. He's been making me question many of the things that I've been holding so close to myself for so long. He opens my door, pays for my drinks, helps to clear bad guys out of my room. He's truly the Knight in Shining Armor that I tell myself that I don't need. He's so unselfish, and so open with me when he's not with the rest of the world. He expects me to be honest with him, he expects me to be as equal to him as he is to me. This....thing, whatever you want to call he and I, is so equal and not one sided that even hearing his name makes me smile. (as I just did.)He runs ahead of me to open the door for me. He worries when I'm cold and kisses my forehead. He watches out for me, and I should hate that, but I don't. Granted, he knows that I hate it and he does it anyway He asked if he could come to this open mic night thing that I have to do for school. I have to read at least two of my original poems that I have written for my poetry class at this open mic event that my professor is sponsoring. I was telling him that I'm nervous about doing it, and do you know what he said? word for word, he interrupted me and said, "Can I come?" and I'm like, "you really want to come? What are you going to throw rotten tomatoes at me?" and he says, "No, I want to be there because you need my support." Not even lying. word for word. that's what he said. I know I deserve someone like him, but I don't know that I'm ready to be good for anyone else. There's too much about me that I need to clean up first. I want to stress too that I am not changing anything about myself because I think that Kyle would want me to change. Because frankly, he likes me the way that I am. I am thinking for myself when I say that I want to be something more. I believe I can be something bigger and better than just this. I want to be someone who deserves the life that I've been given. I want to just feel...better. So thus begins the summer of change, the summer of completion... the summer of Jenn.

Hold*This*Thread Call me crazy [03 Mar 2004|12:09am] [ mood | moody ] [ music | blah and kristin on the phone. ] I'm suffering from a bad ass case of the "I miss the way things were before" blues. I don't just miss the past these days, I desire it. I'm forlorn without it. I'm in no way saying that I want things to go back completely to the way they were. You cannot go completely back again. However, I am thirsty for a taste of chatting with Meg about life. I crave the chance to sit with my sister and just talk about nothing and watch a movie and go shopping. I want to miss Ed, and hear him singing in my ear when he held me close. I wish that I had another chance to dance at Scott's house, and take part in a Friday night party. I need to know the feeling that I got when I sat in Bonnie's class and just talked about world issues, and she told me I was a moron. I guess the only way these things live on is in memory. I am silent in wanting, and feeling pretty alone these days. I don't hate it, I just have to get used to it. "I never did know when to leave a party..." Even Katherine Hepburn had the blues.

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread Oh the places you will go [30 Jan 2004|12:20pm] [ mood | rushed ] [ music | the bling bling of instant messanger ] Quick update from a girl waiting for her roommates to join her for lunch 1. Kyle and I are hanging out pretty consistently now...it's so great to have someone who you can be passionate about things you love with. I love that he asks me to explain everything, and I love that he explains what I ask of him. He's wonderful, we're wonderful, stuff is wonderful. 2. It's colder than a witch's tit outside. BU must be the blusteriest campus on EARTH. 3. Went bowling with the work peeps and Brenda and I haven't seen a group of more drunken idiots ever. They are so fun. 4. Buno, love that you came over and found out that Chuy is merely soft cheese. 5. Deirdre, I love that we are going to Seattle together...now if I could just find the cash..but I'm working on it. 6. Brenda and I have this new ritual of drinking fabulously tasty wine and watching sex in the city on tuesday nights...after american idol, and of course the real world! too bad that the show is almost over! I totally got on that bandwagon a minute too late you know? 7. Can't wait to go and watch the Super Bowl with my dad and mom this weekend. 8. My sister gave me her first drunken phone call ever. 9. Sometimes, I'm still lonely. 10. I am not only going to be teaching this semester at a middle school, but I'm meeting with the teacher to plan the curriculum for my 6 weeks there! 11. I'm getting so better at text messaging. And there's brenda, I gotta jet. Karaoke tonite, i think? We shall see.

1 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread I love this idea of writing about things that have happened to me this year.. [06 Jan 2004|10:30pm] [ mood | grumpy ] but let's be honest kids, your jenn just doesn't have the brain capacity to remember all of the things that happened month by month. I don't know if this is a mere defense mechanism, or if it's just too many drugs in the past, but let me tell you--I remember very little of the things that have happened to me, unless they are positive. Call me crazy (Brenda would yell CRAZY!! at this point in time), but I have decided to throw convention to the wind and just write down the wonderful things that I have learned as of late. **Interruption** I just wrote down 7 things that were just so...not positive. What a horrible sight! I'm starting over...here are some good things. 1. There is life after purgatory. In 2003, I finished my last semester and two summer classes at Joliet Junior College. It was rough, but I kept on keepin on, and walked out of there with my head held high, and an admittance letter from DePaul University, Loyola University, St. Xavier University and Benedictine University. I came out with scholarship offers from each and every one of those schools. To quote one of my favorite rap stars of 2003, Murphy Lee, I realized it's possible to go from nada to alotta things. I held fast to my love of English and here I stand today. 2. Education is so important. I feel like for the first time, I'm immersed in something that I love to the death. I took a great deal of flack from some people this year, and I really tested myself on how much I could take before I reached a sort of boiling point, academically speaking. I was knocked down and every time, I got back up, and did six times better. As much as I hated this particular person, I can say that I learned more about myself than I ever did from him. I've got the amazing capacity to absorb and still come out swinging the next time around. 3. There is more to life than partying. I never thought that I could live away at college again without being able to drink and have a good time 24/7. Here's the funny thing about this though--Kristin and I ALWAYS have liquor in our fridge. Always. Don't get me wrong, I miss the days when I would celebrate the fact that it was Tuesday. Hell, I INVENTED that idea. However, I've realized that I can celebrate just the same way by having a deep discussion with someone, or merely enjoying the people around me. Even those people who I used to drink and party with are realizing the same thing. Could it be, GASP!!, that we are growing up?! 4. Though living at home was difficult at times, I can value the opinions of my parents a whole lot more. I know that they are just doing what they think is best--literally. I was given a great gift in my little sister. Nadine is the best friend I've ever had. Even though she is not mushy and emotional like me, she still has the other half of my best friend heart. I can talk to her about anything, and know that she's going to be there for me, because the bond of sisterness is stronger than words. Besides, she can drive when I don't feel like it now. : ) 5. When living away from home, sometimes you have to go back so that you can really truly appreciate your parents' cooking. 6. Sometimes, no matter how much you put into specific things, you will not get the same amount back. When you break your back to have things work for you, and work for someone else as well, there may not always be a yin to your yang. You may be working a little bit more sometimes, but something has to give. Sometimes, that thing may be you. 7. Old photos are the best thing in the world. Have you ever noticed that no matter what you're doing, if you're looking like mad for a specific piece of jewelery, or if you're cleaning out the dust bunnies from your sock drawer, you will ALWAYS stop and go through an envelope of pictures. Sometimes, you get lucky and find that you want to share them with the rest of the world. Other times, you just have the satisfaction of ripping some pictures in two. Old photos tell you about where you've been and where you just may have to return to again. 8. First impressions can be deceiving, and not because of someone else's actions. Your perceptions can block out the wonderful person that can lie right there beneath the surface. coughdeirdrecough. 9. There are some people who will cross your path in life who just make you feel GOOD about the way that life will take you. Though you meet people whom you never thought you would meet, they can steer you in the right direction without even knowing that they have. Just being with them can make you remember that you want to stay with them. 10. It is good to be challenged. It is one thing to say that you believe in something, but it is quite another to have your belief questioned and picked apart until you reach the heart of the matter. Plus, if the challenger has a great smile, it makes things better. 11. When it comes down to it, you only need what you allow yourself to need. If you are strong enough to work independant of the things that you want, you'll decipher the difference between the two. 12. I am as nice as everyone says I am. And, I mean it. I'm not nice because people think I am. I am nice because being so makes me a better person. 13. The best things in the world are CALLER ID and the IGNORE button. It is always okay to use them too. 14. Don't stop because you have a rough get go. As time goes by, and seasons change from one to another, you just may realize that you're an asset, not an ass. 15. Life has this funny way of working itself out. 16. "Some days, you gotta dance. Live it up when you get the chance. When the world doesn't make no sense, and you're feeling just a little too tense, gotta loosen up those chains and dance..." (The Dixie Chicks taught me that one.) 17. Because one door closes doesn't mean that you're at the end of the hallway...I'm sure there's a window of opportunity to climb out of. Tonite was weird. Can you tell?

1 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread It's been 9 weeks! 9 weeks! [27 Dec 2003|07:03pm] [ mood | tired ] [ music | trading spaces and my cell ringing! ] Nine weeks...god, what do I even start with? Well, the beginning and end of everything is of course, school. Ended the first semester at BU with a 3.077, meaning 4 Bs and 1 A. The A was in my Pre-Clinical, which is very important, so that is very reassuring. I loved my time at Glenbard, I feel very lucky. This coming semester, I get to just immerse myself in English and the like, which is something I've been looking forward to FOREVER. I am going to be taking a Creative Writing course, Advanced British Literature, Global Literature (a requirement which fulfills 2 for us Ed. minors), Measurement and Evaluation (for us Ed. minors again!) and my M ethods and Principles of Middle School Education. I have the eternal 3 day weekend, as I do not have classes on Mondays, which was a total gift to myself. The roommate situation got a WHOLE lot better as time went on. Brenda and I are really close, we are for sure rooming together next semester. We wanted to trade rooms this semester, but I think Kristin would be hurt by that. Plus, I like living with her. And now that she's 21, maybe I'll be able to draw her out of that shell a little bit. Work has been phenominal on all accounts. I love being at rt. 59. That store has such a fun vibe, everyone that is there will be just completely laughing the whole time. I love acting like an ass with them. Plus, I met Kyle, which is a whole nother story that I'll get to. I've been back at homer for the holidays, and lets face it, without risa, it just isn't the same. However, Jordan, John Riley and I have been mixing it up. There is a new guy--Marco--who I love too. He's an artist, and I've comissioned him to draw something for me to hang on my wall at school. Since the holidays have been running amok, i've been working 38-40 hours every week, which is just fine with me. I do wish there were more hours in a day so that I could just relax a bit though. The homer tips have been topping $2.20/hr, and even at 59, the tips have been over $1.50/hr, which is tops for a drive thru. Why does it feel like I'm broke? : ) just kidding. So, I mentioned Kyle a bit ago, and let me tell you that he is wonderful. He came and hung out with us before we left for christmas vacation and I haven't seen much of him since. I did miss him this one night at a bar, and I was HELLA pissed, but what could I do? I think he's got a cellphone now anyway...he gave me two numbers today. Let's just put it this way--he said that I restore his faith in the opposite sex. Love him. To bits, as a matter of fact. We talked on the phone today for a good 20 minutes because he's taking a shift from me tomorrow, so I got a slight fix. I'm going to ask him what he's doing for new year's, even though I'm not sure where I'm going yet so as to plant the idea in his mind that I am the one he should be kissing on New Year's. : ) I really just enjoy the adultness of him...yet, he's still got a fun side. Besides, he's completely handsome. And so smart...but Im' moving on, this is an update about ME! : ) My sister and I have been hanging out like there is no tomorow. Lisa and I drove down to pick her up in this jank ass rental car which was HORRIBLE and confirmed that I will NEVER drive an SUV. Whatever, I love my car and will be driving one until I die. No mini vans or SUVs. My favorite Christmas present came from Lisa--a sketch book and some pencils to be named later. My favorite present given? The one for Deirdre that she hasn't gotten yet. : ) And on that note, I have to go and take a nap...I'm going to curl up with the DaVinci Code, a book I've been looking forward to reading.

2 Came*Undone | Hold*This*Thread There's only one thing that is worse than insomnia [25 Oct 2003|01:05am] [ mood | content ] [ music | TLC shows in the background ] And that, my friends, happens to be having to get up for work in 4 hours. What's wrong with me again? don't answer, that's a loaded question if I ever heard one. Today was a nice afternoon/early evening of relief. Spent all night last night working on the project and take home quiz that were due this morning, and then the entire rest of the afternoon churning out a paper for Brit Lit. I am actually very proud of it, I filled the requirement, and not by changing fonts or margins, but with quality work. It's nice to be thinking, and having a professor care more about what I think than how well I can look up facts. I feel so inundated with work lately. I've got at LEAST 4 presentations coming up within the next month. Add at LEAST two papers and about 120 hours of work at the starbucks and bam! you've got me in a nutshell. I am, however, taking the Thursday of my 22nd birthday and the following Friday off and going to see Alan fucking Jackson with my sister. That's right, I will be drunken country singing all night long. I'm way excited, mainly because I get to see Nadine. I wanted my family to go together, but mom and dad were all opposed because it's a school night and whatnot. Someone died in the all girls dorm on BU's campus on thursday. She had a seizure and the cleaning crew found her. It was just like high school--put 2000 people in one place at one time and you've got a Rumor Mill to shame even Mt. Assisi. Some said it was a drug bust, others said suicide, but it's been confirmed an accidental and completely natural death. It was weird, there were crying people everywhere. I thought about it and wondered whether people actually knew this chick. Seriously, death happens en masse every day, yet people don't notice until it's in their local community bathroom. I'm sounding cynical, maybe I am tired. So this whole thing with Kyle is escalating at a nice pace, I must say. We've progressed to finishing each other's terribly witty comments. It's nice to just make someone laugh again...enjoy someone's opinions and speak about things that aren't drugs, bar hopping and getting drunk, or what else we wish we were doing. I love that he knows what uncooth means. He arches one eyebrow better than just about anyone I know. His facial hair makes my blood boil just a bit. He blushes just a little when I tease him about girls hitting on him. He called me short, which NO guy has ever really been able to do. (damn the height. that's all I have to say.heh.) Chuy says he likes me. (I took Brenda and Chuy on a stalking mission. I adore both of them.) God, it's good to have a crush. We're working together on Sunday morning, so getting up for work at 6am doesn't sound so bad. Brenda and I are going to watch her copy of Pink Floyd's "the wall" sometime this week, because I never have seen it. She's SO my buddy these days. I've GOT to try and get some sleep.

Hold*This*Thread Me...I'm closer to the door, I don't get scared no more.... [01 Oct 2003|10:16pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | Buffalo Tom--Taillights Fade ] Last weekend was kind of rough, I didn't have too good of a time. So I'll breeze past to sunday, when I went home and saw my parents and my pups. My mom has a way of just making me feel better. When things have me down, and life is just kicking me in the heart, my mom always knows what to say and do. She knows how to hug me, how to tell me what to do without telling me. My dad? He just shows support. He's on my side now. It's nice to have the support of family. Grandma Sue tells me all the time--"That saying you can't go home again? Yeah, it's full of shit." And it's true. There is nothing I enjoy more than going into my house, laying on MY couch and having the entire leg rest be covered up in shih tzu pups. It's great. They're great. They made my heart very happy. I spent the day today watching "My So-Called Life" on DVD. That's right, Kristin has the ENTIRE collection. I have been watching it for two days now, completely non-stop. I remember why I loved that show. It's so honest and open. Jared Leto and Claire Danes' relationship reminds me of alot of things that have happened to me with boys. No, not that we were making out in boiler rooms, but rather that I was always trying to fix them, better them in some way. And, it's true. I've got such an instinct to better others, to be the person to make them realize what good there is in their life when they can't see it..you know, it makes me not have to deal with my own life then. I feel like it's a natural part of me... But still. I love that show. I wish it would've been on the air longer. I'm SO not a good Scorpio. Anyway, my SISTER IS COMING HOME THIS WEEKEND!!!!! I cannot be more freaking excited. I'm going to spend Saturday afternoon with my family and my cousins Joel and Jonathan at the pumpkin patch. It will be wonderful, I don't care how late I stay up, or that I have to work at 5am the next day. Plus, I get to go and see her next weekend still. It's funny, I never thought that I would miss my sister so much, or look forward to something so much. But, I am. It's such an exciting thing to have something to look forward to, especially because we just don't get to hang out the way that I would like to, you know? Worked with Kyle, my future husband the other day. I adore him, he is SO cute. Direct quote--"I've worked with you what, twice? You know my personality so well. we're perfect together." We made some sort of plans to do karaoke soon. Just sort of plans, nothign definate. lol. I love the challenges, you know it! The room change is going great! I get to see Brenda alot, which is really nice. She's one cool girl. We were talking about boys while watching My So-Called Life today. She really is a good person, plus she's hysterical. Feel like I haven't seen Kristin in days. She and I don't really get to have our nightly talks like we used to. I guess that's okay, but I miss them. We always had those talks at night, even when I felt out of the loop. I feel good about it now though. I've been feeling in need of love lately. I need a boy. Bad. I wrote this really great want-ad for a mate the other day. It's great, maybe I'll share it with yall sometime. But for now, I've got at least 5 more episodes of My So-Called Life to work on. Gotta get started! "If I could hold them in my hand, I'd make them understand I'm not a thoughtless kind, not the heartless kind..."

Hold*This*Thread I can't be doing this once a week updating anymore! [26 Sep 2003|01:04pm] [ music | Dave Matthews and Tim Reynolds--Typical Situation ] Yes, i know. I've become lax in my journal postings. But this is all going to change! Things have been doing this whole rollercoaster imitation lately. I hated work for a few days. It's hard to break into a group of people who are already friends. I mean, I've been there for a month already, and I'm just waiting on getting inducted into the secret drive thru club. But, yesterday, i had the BEST day working with Kyle (the shift) and Mica. She reminds me so much of adam rowe it's not even funny. But Kyle just cracks my shit up, so it's a good time. Plus, there was no school yesterday, so that's always good too. Kyle seriously made me feel 100% better yesterday, and Mica and I are on the same level because she's only like, 1 week older at the store than me. But it's starbucks. You know there's bound to be drama. You know it. Dan still hasn't done the schedule for next week, so I don't even know what's going on for the next two weeks. Well, i do know that I'm going to be going to see my sister whether anyone likes it or not. However, I met this guy who I just can't get out of my head. And now, it's not barista kyle. His name is john. He's got dark hair, blue eyes and he's tall and he's got piercings and tattoos..he's just what the doctor ordered. He also has no concept of personal space. You know when like, for example, you don't know someone you stand pretty far away, right. No, he just keeps leaning into you when he talks to you. LOL, i wish i could say it was just me, but i don't think it was. He had a great sense of humor and was just really cool. He came in yesterday morning to pick up his tips, and his face just lit up when he saw me. I asked how things were at the new store, and he said that they were good, but he still would like to work at 59. I put my hand on his arm, and he like totally leaned into me. Maybe he's just affectionate. LOL. He works at a different store, but it's the one that's closer to school. Maybe we'll have to go visit him....interesting. The Preclinical observing is going well. I've only been to Glenbard West one time thus far, but Mr. Cebula is just a cool ass guy. He's a big Dead head, so he's really mellow and just cool all around. I'm trying to get in to see his class more than once a week, so we'll see how that works out. I could technically go every monday, wednesday and Friday morning to observe his Junior Regular class. I don't think it would be that bad. The school itself is gorgeous. It's on top of this major hill and was built in the early 1930s, I think. The building has random stained glass windows, an arbouratum and an AWESOME teacher's lounge. Makes me wish I had gone to public school. We toured the school and listened to the symphony practicing. It was really exciting to see that a school can be much bigger than MAA. The town itself was awesome. There are houses that are reminscent of the Beverly area...older looking and chock full of history, you know? Just the kind of house that I would love to live in. The roommates are going to all be gone this weekend again. And that's fine. I'm looking forward to having my own room for a few nights. We've all decided it would be a good idea to move all of the beds into one room and then have the room kristin and I sleep in as a lounge. There are going to be couches and stuff like that, which is kind of a nice idea. I like the idea of having a place where I can watch wahat I want to watch and also an rare where I csn study. I want to leave my desk in here because I use it alot. I do homework here, but my computer is very vital because I have alot of papers and not so many tests and things. It'll at least make us hang out together a little bit every day. I've been feeling a little on the lonely side, you know? But that's okay. I am doing so well, the fall season is coming around and we all know how the crunching leaves make me feel alive. Totally watched Armageddon the other day and cried. That will be the one movie that always makes me cry. I know the earth doesn't end, I know that Bruce Willis dies, and that there is nothing that can be done about it. But still. The love is so abundant, it's scary. Aw. moment. Dude, I need a nap. "Two is a perfect number, but one is where everybody's happy, everybody's free..."

Hold*This*Thread just a little lonley [17 Sep 2003|10:54pm] [ mood | crappy ] So the roommates are doing this sorority thing. well, two of them are. Brenda and I are not. Brenda went to the initial meeting, but was sleeping when i got home tonite. so maybe she's not joining, but hell if I don't feel like crapola. you know, it's just one of those things. I would never join a sorority, ever. For those of you who like them, i do not blame you, but I must say that there is no way in HELL that i'll dress or think the same as my "sisters." Nadine and I don't think the same, we agree on alot of things, but have the same set of beliefs always all the time--no way. It's such a steaming pile of crap. I guess I'm not becoming friends with Kristin the way that I became freinds with kate. Kate and I were inseperable from the get go--and I really really wish I had that. But I don't. I probably will never have that again. Plus, I went home tonite to get some "teacher clothes" which I guess makes me more nervous. Am I cut out for this? Do I really think I can put away all of my issues and stand up in front of people? I guess I do. I have to, I have no choice. I'm going to go and watch mtv's version of "Wuthering Heights" because I need to get to sleep somehow. Gotta open, the 'bucks calls me early. "Youth is, after all, just a moment...but it is the moment, the spark that you always carry in your heart."

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