The Protocols of the Yuppies of Zion

August 27, 2004

YEAH, THAT WORKED REAAAAAL WELL

Today is the 76th anniversary of the signing of the Kellogg-Briand Act, which outlawed war forever. And yes, the signatories included the Germans, the Japanese, and the Italians, otherwise known just a few short years later as the Axis powers.

Perhaps the problem was that they signed the thing in Paris.

Or perhaps the problem was that then, as now, people somehow think that murderous dictators will give a shit about a piece of paper.

ANOTHER JONATHAN POLLARD?

Oy.

For the record, Treason is defined in the US Constitution specifically as acts that directly aid an enemy. It also takes the unusual step of stating that after the traitor's punishment has been carried out--usually death--there would be no "Corruption of Blood", i.e. the punishment stops there, and doesn't taint his family or children. This was in reaction to pre-Revolution policy, which sometimes had the families of pro-British Tories run out of town, or worse.

Well, here's a case where--if this turns out to be true--it's not treason, technically, because Israel is an ally, not an enemy, but there's gonna be a hell of a lot of Corruption of Blood anyway. Every Jewish politician, member of the armed services, lobbyist, and agent of the CIA is going to be looked askance at--well, more than they already are--as if they were a big ole mole, because their religion makes them suspect. And frankly, a little bit of me wouldn't blame their higher-ups for being forced to give them the extra scrutiny, if only they behaved a fraction as suspiciously towards other influential groups with possible religious motivations for aiding Israel (*cough*ChristianFundamentalists*cough*). Which they don't.

The timing of this seems a bit odd too, don't you think? No waiting for the arrest warrant--or for the investigation to even have been concluded? Blow it open before it's properly wrapped up? And three days before the Republican National Convention starts--that's some distraction. This whole thing stinks. The end result?

• Bad for America - because our security got compromised, and because we now look like doofuses to the rest of the world


• Bad for Israel - whose reputation as the Evil Joooo Conspirators For World Domination With Fingers In Every Pie gets further solidified, and possibly bad for our relations with them, now that we've caught them spying on us again, and


• Bad for American Jews - whom you simply can't trust, those crafty Marxist...socialist...liberal...er, Republicans?!

And the stain of the Rosenbergs returns again. [sigh]

UPDATE: Journalist Laura Rozen, who has a blog, has a heck of a lot more to say about this case. She, Paul Glastris, and Josh Marshall have been investingating it for an upcoming article for some time now.

THE KOS OF SOME CONFUSION

Captain Ed takes on noted Leftie blogger Kos and his dumb, ugly assertions about the bloggers who got press passes to the Republican National Convention.

August 26, 2004

NOT-SO-SWIFT VETS

My precious little brother, who departed for his sophomore year at college today, has amassed an impressive collection of links debunking the Swift Vets' assertions.

August 24, 2004

SO MUCH TO DO IN A WEEKEND

This past weekend, in the space of about 48 hours, Scott and I took a whirlwind trip to New York, during which we saw both of our sisters and each of their respective apartments, had three separate meals-with-friends, attended two Broadway musicals, and sat in an hour's worth of traffic on the way to JFK airport.

This past weekend, the Paris JCC was burned down by Islamicists. Grafitti left at the scene includes such fun statements as "Without the Jews, the world is happy" and the oldie-but-goodie "Jews get out."

Last weekend, swastikas and "death to Jews" were found at Notre Dame Cathedral.

Yes, that Notre Dame Cathedral. As Jewlicious puts it, "That's like spray painting "F*ck Bush!" on the Lincoln Memorial - how does someone get away with that?"

Someone gets away with that because France is, as Scott likes to say, going Blade Runner on us.

So let me take a moment here to agree with the anti-semites: Jews, get out. You are not safe in France. The government and police clearly do not give a shit what happens to you, save for using you for the occasional photo op as they walk through the burned/bombed/graffitied wreckage of yet another destroyed Jewish community center/synagogue/school/home. Things are getting steadily worse. Leave now. Please.

August 20, 2004

MORE MIS-MATCHED-MARRIED'S WHO BLOG TOGETHER

Hey, look: there's another blogging couple where the wife is a Republican and Yankee fan and the husband is a Democrat and perpetually-losing-baseball-team fan! Only he like the Red Sox, and Scott likes the Mets.

SO MUCH FOR NOT SMOKING IN HOSPITALS

California's Marijuana Policy Project is looking for volunteers for three studies at San Francisco General Hospital:

CANCER CHEMOTHERAPY-INDUCED NAUSEA: This study will test smoked marijuana and THC pills as treatments for nausea in patients receiving chemotherapy for cancer. Participants should be receiving cancer chemotherapy and have experienced moderate or worse nausea from these treatments. Participants will be paid $100 upon completion of the study. For more information, call 415-502-5240 or e-mail jisrael@itsa.ucsf.edu.

VAPORIZER VS. SMOKING: This study compares smoking marijuana with use of a vaporizer -- a device which may provide the fast action of smoking while removing unwanted contaminants contained in smoke. Participants should be individuals aged 21-45 who currently smoke marijuana but use less than ten cigarettes per month, and be willing to spend six days and nights in a research center in San Francisco General Hospital. Participants can receive up to $560 in compensation for participating. For information, call 415-476-9554, ext. 366.

PERIPHERAL NEUROPATHY: This is a painful condition associated with HIV/AIDS for which medical marijuana may provide relief. Study participants should be HIV-positive, diagnosed with peripheral neuropathy, age 18 or older, and either on stable antiretroviral therapy or no antiretroviral therapy for at least eight weeks. Participants will need to spend seven days and nights in a research center in San Francisco General Hospital and can receive up to $650 for participating. For information, call 415-476-9554, ext. 366.

That's right: you can get paid for smoking pot and help out a worthy cause. I don't live in or near San Francisco, but I know some people who read this blog do. Be a mensch; toke up for the greater good.

LET'S NOT DO IT

Listening to the Broadway channel on my XM Satellite Radio the other day, I heard something pretty amazing coming from my car's speakers: politically incorrect lyrics. They were playing Mary Martin's rendition of one of Cole Porter's famous "list songs", "Let's Fall In Love". You know, the one from 1928 that starts out:

Birds do it
Bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it
Let's fall in love...

Only that's not the lyrics I heard being cooed by the squeaky-clean Ms. Martin. Apparently there was an earlier version of these famous opening lyrics, and she sang them:

August 19, 2004

C'MON, GET HAPPY

VH1 is currently casting for a new version of The Partridge Family. Any David Cassidy or Shirley Jones lookalikes interested?

Note the biased-against-older-women requested ages of the actor and actress; at the extreme ends of the age range they list, Mrs. Partridge would have given birth to Keith Partridge at age 6.

August 18, 2004

I AM A TRAITOR TO MY GENDER

Today, though it pains me to say it, I must confess a great sin against masculinity.

Breaking with much of my gender, I have done something that helps me a little, but shames me as a man.

Less than an hour ago, I threw out a pair of underwear.

LOOKING TO SCORE

Being a baseball fan, I have a pet peeve with some aspects of The Olympics. I can accept that most of the games are simple tests of certain strengths or abilities, and that any true sport, such as Baseball, Basketball, Volleyball and (natch) Soccer encompass many Olympian abilities into a team sport that requires multiple physical disciplines as well as tactics and strategy. That's fine.

What I can not accept is any sport that requires judges to dispense scores that decide the outcome. I don't mean referees to officiate on calls, I mean judges who provide the very points, or currency, of the competition based on even somewhat subjective criteria. Gymnastics, Diving, Figure Skating, and most of the X-Games, while athletic, are totally illegitimate. It's basically Pro Wrestling. It's tough, it looks awesome, but it's about as competitive as Saddam Hussein's last election.

Think of all that happens with these sports. If you've seen Nadia Comaneci's footage, you can see that she's great, but you can also see that, once the judges gave her one 10.0, they clearly must have felt "well, we can't stop the party now... that just wouldn't be very nice. She SHOULD win, after all." And so, six more 10.0s wound up on the scoreboard.

Then, look at the Salt Lake games, wherein the Russians assembled a voting bloc, including, you guessed it, a Frenchwoman.

These sports will never go away, but I would try very hard to divorce yourself from any emotional interest in their outcome. They are exhibitions judged by partial, political, fallible humans with far too much power.

Remember the old Baseball saying: It's not how, it's how many. So many things in our lives are about how we do them. It's nice, therefore, when you can be judged on the simple, objective outcome, not how you delivered your come-on line or the font size on your résumé.

So, do me a small favor. Completely destroy your perspective on the Olympics and destroy your interest in many thrilling competitions. Your resident blogger will thank you.

THE AMBASSADOR OF BROOKLINE, MASSACHUSETTS

From Alison Kaplan Sommer, an American journalist who immigrated to Israel, and who blogs at An Unsealed Room, comes this anecdote about her sister-in-law back in the US:

"She lives in Brookline, Mass, and a friend of mine, Gitta just moved there from Israel after her husband got a job in Boston. They both have young kids.

According to my sister-in-law, my spirited seven-year-old niece, Juliana...

"was taking her role as an ambassador of Brookline very seriously. She told Gitta's boys that Brookline is a great place to live because people are friendly, "even when it isn't a holiday" and then she said, "do you know what the best part of living in Massachusetts is? Do you want to know????" The boys nod and Juliana yells, "SAME SEX MARRIAGE!!!!!!"

My poor friend Gitta probably had a lot of explaining to do that night to her sheltered sons from the conservative Israeli suburbs..."

I love that little kids can instinctively know that this is a good and just policy but that adult politicians still have trouble accepting it. As Juliana's dad says in the comments on Alison's page, "Any person who stands in the way of her best friend's mommies getting married is no friend of hers."

August 16, 2004

HE'S NO RICHARD GERE

Olympia the Postmodern Courtesan, an exclusive New York call girl and just one of a surprisingly large number of working girls who blog about their jobs and their often-wacky clients, tells a hilarious tale of dumping a would-be john, an unnamed B-list actor with a serious clue deficiency.

Read it; it's really, really funny.

KICKING IT YIDDISHE STYLE

How much do I love the new blog Jewlicious? Looks like they've been up and running for a month now, and they're already soooo much better than the more-well-known Jewschool, whose "Orthodox anarchist" bullshit got real old real fast. Hey, we get it, Jewschool: Judaism is cool when it's a retro-kitschy reclaimed cultural trend, but not when it's actual people who fight back against terrorists without apologizing. Got it. Jewschool's fun to read for the Heeb-like insights into hipster-Judaism, but when they start getting wood for Douglas Rushkoff or the Gush Shalom viewpoint towards Israeli policy, I get creeped out.

Luckily, Jewlicious feels no such compunction to back off writing its heartfelt posts about the end of the Intifada or noting that Jews are not evil wizards. See, it's about discussing both Modigliani's Sephardic roots and taking on those assholes at CAIR, neat cultural observations and refusing to ask if every Israeli is a valid target for terrorism just because they serve in the military.

Awesome job, Jewlicious--you guys kick serious tuchus.

Note: the title of this entry is certainly not meant to exclude my half-Sephardic hottie husband, whose mom's family from Rhodes, Greece spoke Italian, Greek, and maybe even a little Ladino and Romaniote--but no Yiddish.

August 15, 2004

THE 2004 US PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN IN A NUTSHELL

Yesterday, I went to the Beverly Center with Scott's cousin to buy her some college dorm room supplies. At the foot of the escalator outside the mall was a twenty-something guy who was covered in Kerry-Edwards pins and other Kerry paraphernalia. In his hands was a clipboard, and he was soliciting attention for his presumably campaign-related "sign up here" activity by repeatedly saying the following statement to all passers-by:

"Hi, do you want to help get George W. Bush out of office?"

Despite the pins all over his backpack, he didn't say a single word about Kerry.

August 13, 2004

GAH

It's Friday, which means my whole office smells like all the yummy, crusty, chewy, warm bagels that people have brought in and put out for free in the office kitchen--and which I can't eat. Waaaaaah!

Oh, well. At least I'm not Catholic, otherwise I'd have to go to hell.

August 12, 2004

THE INEPT GOURMET

I have what I like to call a "development" in dessert technology. I wouldn't go so far as to call this an invention, since for those of you who know and love Nutella, this is entirely intuitive. One can no more declare that they have invented scratching one's ass.

The recipe could not be simpler. Spread Nutella thickly onto two slices of wheat bread, take one ripe or slightly overripe banana, slice it into quarter-inch disks, coat one slice with the disks (feeding the excess to unbelieving Philistines) then make a sandwich and eat while grunting orgasmically.

My development, however, is the name.

I dub this sandwich The Chocolate Elvis.

The name comes from The King's penchant for peanut butter and banana sandwiches, as well as a groovy track from the Austrian Trip Hop duo Tosca.

I know, you can get this at any Creperie, but for those of you without large flat cooking discs, specialized dough, and those nifty wooden rake-thingies, consider me your lord and savior... at least when you're stoned and hungry.

DER BAR IST GERISEN!

I'd like to put forward a theory. This is not an argument, and it is not about anything specific. Still, I think this is a phenomenon that appears time and time again, and I don't think anyone has touched on it, save those who would put forward Godwin's Law, which I am starting to agree with more and more.

My theory is simple. Hitler has raised the bar on evil so high that humanity has, ever since, been unable to properly recognize evil in their midst.

GO IRAQ! GO IRAQ!

Holy crap, Iraq's first Olympics soccer game is tied 2-2 just after halftime--against Portugal! The second-best team in the world! It's on MSNBC right now, and I'm trying to find an online feed, audio or video. If you know of one, post it in the comments, please!

The Gatorade's still on us, guys! Woooo!

UPDATE: They won, 4-2! I took my lunch break a little early and got to see the last 15 minutes of the game--I snuck into the conference room and watched on the big screen TV.

GREEN GROW THE AVOCADOS

Found a lovely post about Los Angeles' verdant history at a new blog called California Writer, which had me (a gardening freak who hasn't gotten my hands dirty with soil in some time) sighing happily:

"Sunday I sit in my mother’s garden in the hammock underneath a fig tree watching a humming bird flirt around the tangerine tree. I thought about the history of this piece of land. During the rancho period the Los Angeles was divided up into large cattle ranches. By 1900 large hunks of Southern California were turned into orchards and truck farms—walnut groves and lima beans in the San Fernando Valley; green beans were grown in what is now the Westside of Los Angeles. Lemon and orange orchards dominated in the orange belt of the Inland Empire south of the San Gabriel mountains and, of course, Orange County...

August 11, 2004

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF A MOZILLA DEVELOPER

Those poor guys have to put up with bug reports like this one, bug #114061, which complains that Mozilla's old Red Star desktop icon is offensive and should be changed:

"Open Source is a communist method of production, so the red star is a natural symbol for Mozilla project. The source code (the means of production) belongs to the community, and MPL abolishes any privatization of it, this makes Mozilla communist by definition."

And there's bug #222306, which complains that "Bird head of real Firebird logo in page header logo looks like a goose on fire". How the hell is a developer supposed to respond to that?

And then there's bug #233525, which points out--not completely incorrectly--that the "Background of Download Manager looks like one-finger-salute". And lots and lots of other bugs too--and some of them even have real coding issues in them!

Nevermind that Mozilla is free and open source. There's just no pleasing some people.

[via Jesse Ruderman]

August 10, 2004

DID FLEETWOOD MAC JUST TOUR JAPAN?

Oh, take my love, take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
If you see my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide will bring it down...

-- Stevie Nicks, who was probably not in Japan and thus didn't trigger this--cause everyone knows she's really a goat on tour in Afghanistan entertaining the troops

[via Metafilter]

SBHFS, CONTINUED

From Wretchard at Belmont Club comes a companion thought to Michele's sentiments in the previous post. The Left are not just hurting themselves with their refusal to engage substantitively on the merits of the war on terror (putting up posters in Lower Manhattan, of all places, claiming that "the Republicans are the real terrorists" is not engaging in debate, it's being disgusting and disrepectful to the dead--and wholly reactionary, not a winning strategy.). They're also hurting the national debate and potentially the country:

"An old world is being torn down and a new one -- for better or worse -- is being created "in a fit of absentmindedness". The failure by the Left to articulate an alternative vision of a post-September 11 world except in the negative has banished what should have been the most momentous public policy debate of the last 50 years into the outer dark. By declaring discussion of the transformation of the world illegitimate and then only belatedly presenting a Presidential candidate whose countervision consists of a "secret" but unstated plan, liberals have effectively left matters in the hands of President Bush. It is a staggeringly reactionary performance and a fundamentally unhealthy one. Because the one certain thing is that the antebellum world, the universe of September 10, can never be restored. The Clinton era, like the green light at the end of Daisy's dock, has been borne into the past.

It is unlikely that a meaningful national dialogue on the future of world can occur until the Left frees itself from the taboos which have stultified its intellect. The dead hand of Vietnam and its attachment to the cultic nonsense of the 1960s lies heavy on Democratic Party. That spectral limb will grip them by the throat until they shake free. Until then, forward to wherever. We'll know where we're going when we get there."

Yeah, but by the time most of the hardcore Left gets their head out of their ass--the Greens, the Naderites, the "Queer Resistance for Palestine" fetishists, the washed-up Marxists--it will be too late for the Democrats to have put together a constructive, coherent rebuttal to foreign policy as it now stands. And that's everyone's loss. This war and the ominous future we're all facing are too important to be left to any one political party. If we're going to win, we need everyone to be engaged.

August 09, 2004

SUDDEN BUSH-HATRED FATIGUE SYNDROME

Michele has an excellent post up about the aforementioned malady. Read the whole thing, it's spot-on, but the highlights are here:

"See, I don't hate Kerry. I don't think he would make as good a president as Bush, but I don't harbor any hatred for the guy. In fact, I almost feel sorry for him. Because if Kerry wins this election, he is in for a rude awakening. Oh, the party will start off grand, but three months into his presidency the same people who are promoting him as just the thing America needs will be protesting him.

Most of these Anybody But Bush warriors don't even like Kerry. A cursory glance through sites like Democratic Underground or Indymedia (and even some lefty blogs) will find internal arguments over whether Kerry can really run this country or not. But he's not Bush, which seems to be the greatest thing he has going for him.

So if Kerry wins, there will be further split in the political map of America. The left will split into two separate and very disparate portions. The ABBs will morph into the ABKs and the moderate Democrats will be left scratching their heads. They voted for this guy, but he doesn't really represent them. They succeed in getting Bush out of the White House, but in the end they're still not happy. Then what? Form another party? Seek out another candidate to push towards a 2008 run?

Sadly, it's the ABBs who are the most vocal crowd in this whole carnival. They are most likely to be the ones crying that President Kerry sucks. One can only hope that these people never get their way. Because what they want in a candidate, and in this country, is something that would drive us to the brink of disaster. Free health care for everyone. Free college. Completely open borders, with benefits for all the non- citizens that come through. Free day care. Free food. Free Mumia. Their key word, obviously, is free. They want the world handed to them but they want to do nothing to earn it. Can you imagine this country led by someone who subscribes to those views? You go ahead, I don't want to...

In a couple of years, I've gone from far left to moderate left to center and now, I must admit, to the right. And each day I go farther and farther to the right, pushed their by the fact that I want to remain as far away from the left as possible. Each time I read Atrios or make a run through DU, I feel like a grade school kid in need of a cootie-shot. And while I'll never complete the transformation wholly and end up on the far right I've certainly removed myself from the center. I don't think even centrists know what they want anymore. They don't hate Bush, but they hate themselves for thinking that maybe they should hate Bush. What's worse, president loathing, country loathing or self loathing?"

DARK FUTURE? I'M LIVING IT.

I'm sure you've all seen those clever movies about the future where machines supposedly conceived for our convenience ironically turn into pesky, inept automatons that fill our days with frustration and wrath.

My friends, it's all true.

Brooke and I live in a brand-spanking new residential complex in the heart of L.A.'s Mid-Wilshire district. We love living here. We can walk to the Farmer's Market, the Art Museum, and at least a dozen top-flight restaurants.

However, our building is starting to drive us batshit.

August 08, 2004

SOCIAL NETWORKS FOR CATS

People have Friendster, and now cats have Catster. Our own two little rascals, Sammy and Malka, now each have their own pages there, full of cute kitty goodness.

(Yes, there's a Dogster, too, for those with friends of the canine persuasion.)