The Nunny State

I missed Senator Sanctum Santorum's speechlette at the Republicon, but apparently Peggy Noonan had him praising big gov'mint:

But Santorum said too many mothers on welfare end up trying to raise their children without a father -- something he said President Bush's faith-based social programs are trying to change.

"We now ask, 'Would you like some help in building that relationship?'" Santorum said. "And if the mother and the father says yes, we pay for marriage counseling with a family therapist or a pastor, rabbi, imam or priest."

If you want healthcare, or day care or a job, you can pound sand. If you want a priest to reveal the secrets of a successful marriage, you're in luck.

Hurricane Porn

Memo to CNN:

If I wanted to watch stupid white men being blown, I would have watched the Republican Convention on FOX.

The Rump Party

Mickey Kaus drove cross-country to attend a wingnut family reunion, according to Little Jim Taranto:

We began the evening with cocktails at the home of William F. Buckley, at a party attended by a who's who of political journalists and commentators, among them Peter Beinart, Brent Bozell, Mona Charen, Rita Cosby, Midge Decter, Franklin Foer, David Frum, Jeff Jacoby, Mickey Kaus, Rich Lowry, Bill McGurn, Kate O'Beirne, Uma Pemmaraju, Norman Podhoretz and Ramesh Ponnuru. Ed Gillespie, chairman of the Republican National Committee, was also on hand.

Whatta bunch of swells!

Kaus then went clubbing with Nooners and Lucianne Sr.

(Link courtesy of P O'Neill.)

Watching Scotty Lie

You've got to hand it to the unnamed author of this msnbc article:

Late Thursday, [Zell] Miller and his wife were removed from the list of dignitaries who would be sitting in the first family's box during the president's acceptance speech later in the evening. Scott Stanzel, a spokesman for the Bush campaign, said Miller was not in the box because the campaign had scheduled him to do too many television interviews.

There was no explanation, however, for why Miller would be giving multiple interviews during Bush's acceptance speech, or what channels would snub the president in favor of Miller. Nor was it made clear why Miller's wife also was not allowed to take her place in the president's box 24 hours after his deeply personal denunciation of his own party's nominee.

Very nicely done.

(Link via TPM.)

Republicans In Love

"I like Zell Miller, and even more I like the idea of Zell Miller.

Deliver Us From Ev-zell

I say give Zell Miller Joe Scarborough and a couple of banjoes, and let him have his duel.

William Saletan writes:

"But the important thing isn't the falsity of the charges, which Republicans continue to repeat despite press reports debunking them. The important thing is that the GOP is trying to quash criticism of the president simply because it's criticism of the president. The election is becoming a referendum on democracy.

In a democracy, the commander in chief works for you. You hire him when you elect him. You watch him do the job. If he makes good decisions and serves your interests, you rehire him. If he doesn't, you fire him by voting for his opponent in the next election.

Not every country works this way. In some countries, the commander in chief builds a propaganda apparatus that equates him with the military and the nation. If you object that he's making bad decisions and disserving the national interest, you're accused of weakening the nation, undermining its security, sabotaging the commander in chief, and serving a foreign power—the very charges Miller leveled tonight against Bush's critics.

Are you prepared to become one of those countries?"

We already are one of those countries. The real question is, Are you prepared to end the occupation?

Can't tell the Swift Boat Liars without a scorecard? Here's an encyclopedic resource identifying the Liars, as well as those who served with Senator Kerry.

The media appear to have become bored with this story, conveniently at the time the Liars have been debunked. But save the link; these bottom-dwellers will surface again in 2008.

The Scarlet Letter

All that slobbering over Rudy G. and the Predator at The Corner, and not one mention of the A-word.

You don't suppose that the Cornerites are religious hypocrites, do you?

Zell Needs Zoloft

TAPped has the scoop on Zell Miller's mental breakdown.

And TalkLeft has Michael Reagan's revisionist history.

And Tomorrow Is Washed-Up Athletes Night

"A Safer World,
A More Hopeful America"
(A Really Bad Episode of Hollywood Squares)
7:45 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

Convention Call to Order
Representative Henry Bonilla (TX)
Deputy Permanent Co-Chair

Presentation of Colors
New York Port Authority

Pledge of Allegiance
Mary Lou Retton and Kerri Strug
Olympic Gold Medalists

National Anthem
Nicole C. Mullen, Nashville, TN

Invocation
Bishop Keith Butler, Southfield, MI
Primetime Continued

Lynn Swann
NFL Hall of Famer

Dorothy Hamill
Olympic Gold Medalist

The Honorable Michael Williams (TX)

Music
Donnie McClurkin

Music
Michael W. Smith

Governor George Pataki (NY)

President George W. Bush

Benediction
Cardinal Egan

I'm sorry, tonight was Bitter Old Whitey Night.

Who Said It?

I bent and covered his thick old knuckles with Chanel No. 23 red raspberry lipstick ... I think I said, "Papa."

(Link; click through for the illustration.)

By the way, I'm not being a pussy, I've got other obligations.

You'd think a former catblogger would choose a different term of derision.

(Yes, I know it's a joke.)

Tomorrow is Bitter Old Whitey Night at the Republicon. Plus Santorum Lipsyncs Nooners, Michael Reagan gives his issues a nationwide workout, and hillbilly music!

"A Land of Opportunity"
7:00 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

Convention Call to Order

[nobodies]

Governor Linda Lingle (HI)
Temporary Convention Chairman

The Honorable Brian Sandoval (NV)
Attorney General

Senator Rick Santorum (PA)

Rolling Roll Call of States

The Honorable Michael Steele
Deputy Permanent Co-Chair
Jennette Bradley
Assistant Secretary of the Convention
Bonnie Garcia
Assistant Secretary of the Convention

Vice Presidential Nominating Process

Senator Mitch McConnell (KY)

The Honorable Elaine Chao

[more nobodies]

Music
Third Day

Michael Reagan

Tribute to President Ronald Reagan

Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey (MA)

Governor Mitt Romney (MA)

Music
Sara Evans

Keynote Address
Sen. Zell Miller (D-GA)

Mrs. Lynne Cheney

Vice President Dick Cheney

Music
Brooks & Dunn

Benediction
Bishop Rene Gracida, Bishop Emeritus, Diocese of Corpus Christi, TX

Wolf Whistles

Today, Wolf Blitzer referred to George Pee as "that handsome face."

That's odd. Wolf always struck me as an ass man.

Lords And Liddies

The most idiotic statment from the Republicon so far? Liddy Dole's "The Constitution guarantees freedom of religion, not freedom from religion."

Uh, no it doesn't.

Liddy may also want to ask Bob Dole, adulterer, about the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Republicans didn't create adultery, they just love practicing it.

Liddiot's oration sounded like Peggy Noonan's greatest unsold speeches. She even included a "character was king" reference to St. Ronnie.

Whorapalooza

Faux and NBGOP, proud sponsors of the Republican Party, do their bit:

The McCain-Giuliani combination got rave reviews from the talking heads. It was by turns "inspirational," "hopeful," "positive," "negative" and "funny," said Brit Hume.

"A very impressive performance by Rudy Giuliani and a powerful attack on Senator Kerry," said his Fox colleague Bill Kristol.

"It brings tears to your eyes," said Fred Barnes.

"A very powerful and effective political night for the Republicans," said Tim Russert.

"Rudy Giuliani had a terrific relationship with this crowd, more than just home-field advantage," said Brian Williams.

Those aren't tears, Fred.

There were a couple of notes of caution. Judy Woodruff observed that at one point the speech "moved into the territory of character criticism" of Kerry. And Candy Crowley said it would be "awfully tough" for the other side to "criticize Giuliani for talking about 9/11."

Such courageous dissent.

Call It Off

Asked "Can we win?" Bush said, "I don't think you can win it. But I think you can create conditions so that the -- those who use terror as a tool are less acceptable in parts of the world."

(link)

Tuesday's Con

"People of Compassion"
7:00 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

George P. Bush, Dallas, TX (compassionate vandal/stalker)

Music Dana Glover (non-diverse entertainer)

Erika Harold (diverse entertainer)
Miss America 2003

Steven McDonald, New York, NY (not really sure)

Senator Sam Brownback (KS) (compassionate racial slurrer and censor)

Music Jaci Velasquez (diverse entertainer)

Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, M.D. (TN) (compassionate animal killer)

Elisabeth Hasselbeck (non-diverse non-entertainer)

The Honorable Rod Paige (compassionate education-reform fraudster and union basher)

Lieutenant Governor Michael Steele (MD) (compassionate African-American guy)
Deputy Permanent Chairman

Music
Daize Shayne (non-diverse non-entertainer)

Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger (CA) (compassionate molester)

Mrs. Laura Bush (compassion behind the wheel)

Music
Harlem Boys Choir (diverse entertainers)

Benediction
Rebetzin Esther Jungreis
Founder, Hineni New York, NY

Meet Your Liberal Media: Predator-y Pricing Edition

Among the corporate sponsors of Mr. Schwarzenegger's trip [to the Republican National Convention], according to a list provided by the governor's office, are Fox Entertainment, NBC Universal, News Corporation, Paramount, TimeWarner, the Walt Disney Company and Viacom. Other donors include Abbott Laboratories, Amgen and Pfizer, ChevronTexaco and Conoco Phillips, and Outback Steakhouse, SBC and Visa.

Yes, that's Faux, CNN, NBC, ABC and CBS, paying for a politician to appear at a political event and give a speech they'll all no doubt be covering. Supposedly the Predator's three days in NYC would cost Cali 35O thousand dollars. So why the fuck isn't the fucking Republican National Committee paying this expense?

And how many will report their Republican subsidy before or after the Predator's speech tomorrow night?

Monday's Con

"A Nation of Courage"
7:45 p.m. to 11:15 p.m. EDT

Convention Call to Order
Representative Deborah Pryce (OH),
Deputy Permanent Co-Chair

Presentation of Colors
NYPD

Pledge of Allegiance
Lt. Col. Joseph Repya (Ret.), Eagan, MN

National Anthem
Olivia Lalewitz, Detroit, MI

Invocation
Imam Pasha, New York, NY

Rolling Roll Call of the States

Ed Gillespie
Chairman, Republican National Committee

Sara Gear Boyd
Secretary of the Convention

The Honorable Jane Norton
Assistant Secretary of the Convention

Official Convention Photograph

The Honorable J. Dennis Hastert (IL)
Permanent Convention Chairman, 2004 Republican National Convention

Tribute to President Ford

Music Dexter Freebish

Recognition of President George H.W. Bush and Barbara Bush

Ron Silver Actor

Representative Heather Wilson (NM)

Music Christ Tabernacle Choir

Bernard Kerik
Former Police Commissioner New York, NY

Robert Khuzami
Former Assistant United States Attorney, New York, NY

Zainab Al-Suwaij
Executive Director, American Islamic Congress

Jason Sehorn and Angie Harmon

Music
Darryl Worley

Senator Lindsey Graham (SC)

Senator John McCain (AZ)

Music
Daniel Rodriguez

The Honorable Rudy Giuliani
Former Mayor of the City of New York

Benediction
Reverend Max Lucado, San Antonio, TX

ShrewdWatch

Here's the latest shrewd comment from Slate's own Hack Kerouac, Bob Kaus:

If President Bush were to tell the Swift Boat Veterans, "Those are great ads. Please run more of them," he'd immediately be accused by the Kerry campaign (and maybe the Federal Elections Commission) of illegal "coordination" with an allegedly independent political group. ... Now suppose Bush did what Kerry and David Broder want him to do and told the Swifties "Those are terrible ads. I call on you to stop running them." Why isn't that also illegal coordination? Coordination involves telling someone when to start and also when to stop, no? [I'm indebted to alert kf reader S.K. for this point.] ...

Even Kaus must realize how utterly stupid this is, since he's blaming it on a reader.

Meanwhile, check out this shrewd, Weisbergian logic: Bush is a sleazy, dishonest race-bating bigot, but evil "Bush-haters" -- people who think Bush is a sleazy, dishonest race-bating bigot -- have immunized Bush from criticism.

Well, That Sucked

CNN's RNC Con preview, I mean.

Here's the pit where the band will be.

We'll be giving three ordinary delegates and that freak, Georgette Mossbacher, video cameras and you can vote them out of the convention each day.

CNN is number one among undecided voters... hint, hint, Karl.

We've kept the Capital Gang up past their bedtimes so they can recycle their stale insights and insults for you.

And to top it off: Judy Woodruff will be watching to see if George Bush can unite the country.

No.

Seriously.