Sadly, No!

Liar, Liar, Uranium on fire

A reader draws our attention to this AP article:

Iraq Scientists: Lied About Nuke Weapons

Iraqi scientists never revived their long-dead nuclear bomb program, and in
fact lied to Saddam Hussein about how much progress they were making before
U.S.-led attacks shut the operation down for good in 1991, Iraqi physicists
say.

Before that first Gulf War, the chief of the weapons program resorted to
"blatant exaggeration" in telling Iraq's president how much bomb material
was being produced, key scientist Imad Khadduri writes in a new book.

Other leading physicists, in Baghdad interviews, said the hope for an Iraqi
atomic bomb was never realistic.

Sounds much like the Bush plan for turning this whole thing over to Cha-Cha-Chalabi and strolling down Baghdad's newly paved Bush Boulevard.

It would, if only it were an actual word and if it meant what you think it means

Is it? Does it? Sadly, No!

Writing on the plight of Wal-Mart shopper Patricia VanLester who was knocked unconscious by fellow shoppers, Andrew Sullivan writes:

I'm sorry but these people are out of their minds. Suddenly, the German term Konsumterrorismus makes a certain amount of sense.

The German term Andy is presumably thinking of is Konsumterror (talk about being obsessed with terrorism, but we digress.) But Konsumterror refers to the prevalence of advertising in society, and the resulting inability to escape being bombarded with ads. How this relates to an excessively enthusiastic herd of Wal-Mart shoppers remains, well, unclear.

Suddenly, the bogus nature of Andy's intellect makes total sense.

Guess we're not going to be getting Alexa updates anytime soon

On July 24, 2003 our friend, acquaintance, highly entertaining conservative Andrew Sullivan wrote:

HOME NEWS: A new record for the site: according to Alexa.com, this blog just reached its highest ever ranking on the web. Thanks again.

We guess there's been a steep decline in the demand for Sully's brand of headline-scanning, Bush-loving, St. Augustine-imitating, anonymous email-posting conservatism with a twist.

Shorter Mark Steyn

These five regimes must go

I've listed the names of the five countries we should invade next using only lower caps, so you (and they) know I mean business.

This post is dedicated to skippy the bush kangaroo, blogtopia's (yes, he coined that phrase!) original lover of all things lower caps.

Shorter concept inspired by busy, busy, busy from an idea by D-Squared.

If things were any better, there'd be no room for improvement

So let's all be thankful that things in Afghanistan are only almost FUBAR:

Nancy Lindborg of Mercy Corps, the American aid group, says: "We've operated in Afghanistan for about 15 years and we've never had the insecurity that we have now."

"People have been threatened by the Taliban and al Qaeda. They have put leaflets in mosques and sent letters saying they will burn down the house and cut off the nose of anyone who tries to participate in the constitution," said Omar Satib, an official at the election office. "We put announcements on the radio, but people are just not ready to come."

A law passed in the mid-70s prohibiting married women from attending high-school classes was upheld in September by President Hamed Karzai's government... Sayed Ahmad Sarwari, the deputy education minister, [said] he didn't know the exact number of women who have been expelled, but that it was "possibly more than two or three thousand".

The UN reported that opium-growing families were making an average $US3900 a year against the gross domestic product per capita of $US184, based on 2002 estimates.

Nov. 29 — Next month, when Afghanistan holds a national council to adopt its new constitution, 64 of the 500 seats will be held by women, but some of those women already are getting death threats.

Officials said that is the bloodiest period in Afghanistan since U.S. forces overthrew the Taliban in late 2001 for sheltering Saudi-born Osama bin Laden and members of his al Qaeda network, blamed for the September 11 attacks in the United States.

Kevin Drum thinks Bush deserves 4 out of 10 for Afghanistan. That seems a bit generous to us.

Fight the Hollywood left!

With the Hollywood right, but of course!

In this old (but new to us) TV commercial produced by Citizens United, former US Senator (and Law & Order's poor man's Adam Schiff) explains why he thought it important to support President Bush's war of preemption, liberation, Thanksgiving turkey serving against Iraq:

With all of the criticism of our President's policy on Iraq lately, Americans might ask what should we do with the inevitable prospect of nuclear weapons in the hands of a murderous and aggressive enemy. Can we afford to appease Saddam? Kick the can down the road? Thank goodness we have a president with the courage to protect our country. And when people ask: "What has Saddam done to us" I ask, "what had the 9-11 hijackers done to us... before 9-11?"

Dude, your mind tricks are wicked awesome.

Separated at Birth?

Future Iraqi president convict Ahmad Chalabi
and never convicted pornographer Larry Flint.

I'm not dead yet!

Having apparently forgotten he is supposed to be living in a cave, Mullah Omar has been visiting Pakistan:

Former Taleban leader Mullah Mohammed Omar was seen in the Pakistani border town of Quetta last week, according to Afghan President Hamid Karzai.

Mr Karzai told The Times newspaper he had received information that Mullah Omar was spotted praying in a mosque.

A reminder from the same article that all has turned out extremely well in Afghanistan, please move along and pay no attention to anything else the media might be reporting:

[President Karzai] called on Pakistan's President Musharraf to prevent hard-line Islamic groups in the city from supporting those responsible for the recent upsurge in violence in Afghanistan, which has left more than 400 people dead in the past four months.

A skill showing superhuman strength

World O'Crap reads the Town Hall columnists for you. He She then summarizes their typically incoherent rants arguments, saving you time and helping to preserve whatever sanity you might have left:

The good news: it's a light load, due to the weekend. Better news: the pieces are fully of juicy conservative goofiness.

Neil Cavuto

Neil's business and economics expertise (plus the fact that his friend Tom is uncharacteristically buying nice presents for his family this year) allows Neil to predict that holiday spending will be up 8-9% over last year's. Of course, if Tom is just having an affair, then forget everything Neil said.

There's more, so stop by and say hello. [But we must say thanks to Neil's friend, whose willingness to rack up credit card debt while lacking the financial resources needed to pay it back is what makes this country the greatest country in the world! Thanks Tom!]

President Convicted Embezzler Chalabi is on the case!

The Financial Times has the latest on everybody's favorite ingrate:

Mr Chalabi chairs the Governing Council's Higher Committee for de-Ba'athification. Formed in September, this has expanded its work from rooting out senior functionaries of the former regime to implementing what he calls "a programme of economic de-Ba'athification".

The committee is one of the most powerful in the Governing Council. ...

Critics of de-Ba'athification have attacked the programme as revenge-driven.
Iyad Allawi, a fellow member of the Governing Council who has also returned from western exile, has called the plan "dangerous", and declared he was boycotting Mr Chalabi's committee.

Mr Chalabi's opponents worry that his de-Ba'athification committee has few
checks and balances, and that it could be used selectively to favour his
associates and undermine business rivals. He insists, however, that the
motives for de-Ba'athification are a "moral issue". ...

He said the de-Ba'athification committee would also examine the restitution
of an estimated 500,000 properties he said had been confiscated under the
Ba'athist regime. He said the properties included his sister's house, which
the family has already recovered and in which Mr Chalabi gave the interview.

Under the de-Ba'athification programme an estimated 20,000 suspected senior
Ba'athists, many of them technocrats, have been sacked from the government
machinery.This has been widely criticised as contributing in the atrophy of
the Iraqi state structure.

But Mr Chalabi argued that the policy's impact had been "very light" and
said a second wave of de-Ba'athification now being finalised by his
committee would be "deliberately harsh", although not a witch hunt. [Emphasis added]

Given how long he'd been out of the country, we're surprised Ahmad even managed to find his way to the house.

Thanks to Mrs. Blair for the FT article.

Don't know much about history...

From the center for Excellence in Barbiturates, Rush Limbaugh is outraged:

These prescription drug-type programs and other entitlements like them now take up over 60% of the budget. Something has to be done about it, or your kids and grandkids will have tax rates that they'll simply refuse to pay.

In FY2002, mandatory spending was 59% of all government spending. By 2013 (prior to this week's Medicare bill) it was expected to be 58%. Which would put it at the same level it has been through the 1990s. Entitlement spending first broke the 50% barrier in 1983 under big government, fiscally conservative, tax cut and spend Reagan. Think the Medicare changes are expensive? The projected cost of $400 billion amounts to 2.6% of all entitlement spending from 2004 to 2013. [Which doesn't make it a good bill, but let's simmer down now, shall we?]

Entitlement spending, should you ever take a look, includes such government giveaways as:

Medicaid $148bn
Supplemental Security Income $31bn
Earned Income and Child Tax Credits $33bn
Food Stamps $22bn
Family Support $26bn
Child Nutrition $10bn
Foster Care $6bn
Social Security $452bn
Medicare $254bn
Unemployment Compensation $51bn
Veterans' benefits $25bn

All figures for 2002. Total entitlement spending for the year $1,195bn.

The Miscarriage of Justice Department

Today's Washington Post reports:

Jailed the night of the attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon, the Algerian air force lieutenant with an expired visa has spent the past 26 months in federal prisons, much of that time in solitary confinement -- even though the FBI formally concluded in November 2001 that he had no connection to terrorism. ...

Two years after the attacks, federal Magistrate Judge H. Kenneth Schroeder Jr. would examine Benatta's case and find a study in governmental excess.

Schroeder issued an unsparing report in September, writing that federal prosecutors and FBI and immigration agents engaged in a "sham" to make it appear that Benatta was being held for immigration violations. Prosecutors trampled on legal deadlines intended to protect his constitutional rights and later offered explanations for their maneuvers that "bordered on ridiculousness," Schroeder wrote. And he found that the government compounded its mistakes by failing to act once it was clear that Benatta was not an accomplice to terrorists.

Well, as long as it all makes Andrew Sullivan, fearless leader of the 101st Keyboarder Brigade feel safer, we say it was well worth it.

Welcome to Hotel Ashcroft
You can be exonerated anytime you want, but you can never leave

All the poppy that's fit to grow

Meanwhile, in a country far far away:

Washington, 28 November 2003 (RFE/RL) -- Statistics released by the White House today show that poppy cultivation in Afghanistan doubled between the year 2002 and 2003, rising to a level 36 times higher than during the last year of the Taliban's rule.

The White House Office of National Drug Control Policy said the area planted with poppies -- used to make heroin -- is now 61,000 hectares compared to just 1,685 hectares in 2001.

The poor security situation in many Afghan regions was blamed for the lack of drug-control enforcement. The agency's director, John Walters, said profits from drug production are "putting money in the pocket of terrorists."

Well, that sounds fucking awesome -- pass the poppy and the terrorist funding please!

So this is where all the old crap is

As the process of moving the old shit will take a few days, for those who just can't wait, you can read through our greatest hits right here in our geeklog archives...

More changes than an Elton John concert

This time, we're not kidding! Welcome to the new Sadly, No! The old entries will be added soon, and new crap will follow.

Welcome to Iraq Mr. Straw

Was this meant to be funny ironic, or funny ha ha? The Taipei Times reports:

British Foreign Secretary Jack Straw said yesterday that violence in Iraq would diminish with the return of power to Iraqis, as leaders of the Shiite Muslim majority criticized the pace of the transition.

Straw, whose visit to Baghdad was unannounced for security reasons, said he did not wish to play down the scale of the unrest that has plagued Iraq since the British and US spring invasion, and sharply increased during the Muslim fasting month of Ramadan that ended this week.

[Emphasis added]

Does Andy know about Google News?

As Google News delivered another daily summary of Afghanistan news to our inbox, we wondered if Andrew "Liberation has worked in Afghanistan" Sullivan knows of this wonderful service. Perhaps it is not stupidity but mere ignorance that explains why he doesn't see that the Taliban are still out there, and that beyond Kabul things have not worked out according to plan. We're busy today, but if someone can email him and ask, that would be great. And now, another Afghanistan roundup:

On The Job With A Taliban Recruiter
Abdul is unflagging in his rounds because he has an almost missionary zeal: to find recruits for jihad - or holy war -waged by the Taliban in Afghanistan. Himself blinded in one eye from action in Afghanistan, Abdul tells prospective recruits: "You might fight at the front line, or you might stand guard at night. You can cook for other Islamic warriors, or you can be a male nurse. Or you can give the fighters money or grain - everything is welcome because the jihad has started."
On Abdul's most recent foray into Afghanistan he was accompanied by 14 youths from the remote Pakistani tribal areas in Killa Abdullah district in northern Balochistan province, whom he had rallied to the cause to fight against the "foreign invaders". Since his return he has another six lined up, all of whom are ready to cross the porous border. He took the last batch to a post in Zabul province, but he has no idea where the fresh recruits will go.
"I have already sent a message to Taliban commanders to seek instructions," Abdul says, "We will go wherever our services are needed." In recent months the Taliban have become more brazen and open in their operations, and they are known to be within relatively easy contact by wireless sets or by satellite phones. "The Taliban also have radios and regularly listens to the BBC's Pashtu service to keep themselves abreast of the situation in the Muslim world, especially in Iraq."

Afghan optimism blooms

A consortium of a dozen aid groups, including CARE, conducted the survey from April to June. Workers visited eight areas of the country that they considered safe and interviewed 1,479 people individually and 375 others in group discussions.
"There were a large number of areas in the south and southeast that we were not able to go to because we feared for the security of either the staff or the communities," O'Brien said.

Hillary to spend Thanksgiving in Afghanistan

[Insert your own comments here boys and girls!]

Pakistan tries again to shutter terror groups

Thousands of Islamic militants like Ejaz have changed their cellphones and shifted to mosques and remote locations to evade another government crackdown on groups responsible for violence in Pakistan, Kashmir, and Aghanistan. This latest round targeted six organizations, including several banned last year only to reemerge under new names - demonstrating the ability of the militants to stay several steps ahead of Islamabad.

Turkish Engineer Still Captive in Afghanistan; Rescue Efforts Fall Short

Afghanistan's President Hamid Karzai announced that an operation, in the works for nearly for a month, to rescue kidnapped Turkish engineer Hasan Onal had been postponed at the last moment.
As a move to secure a delay and the life of Onal, the offer of money to the Taliban was effective. [Mission accomplished then?!?]

Taliban call for Afghan election boycott

Kabul: Afghanistan's ousted Taliban have called for a boycott of next year's presidential election and a holy war against US troops while also threatening attacks on those working with foreigners or in the Afghan police and army. ...
A Taliban spokesman claimed responsibility for the killing of a French UN worker and for a bomb blast Saturday night near Kabul's Intercontinental hotel, which is popular with foreigners. The explosion shattered windows but did not cause any casualties.

NATO's 'embarrassing' Afghan gaps

KABUL, Afghanistan (Reuters) -- NATO Secretary-General George Robertson will press alliance nations next week to fill "embarrassing" gaps in resources available to the 5,700-strong peacekeeping force in Afghanistan, diplomats said on Wednesday. They said the so-far fruitless search for allies willing to provide helicopters and intelligence officers in Kabul was starting to undermine the credibility of NATO's ambition to expand its mission beyond the capital.
"We still haven't got the faintest idea how we will meet the shortfalls," said one diplomat. "There's an embarrassment factor coming in now."

Emphasis added in all cases. Happy thanksgiving everyone!

Loot, there it goes!

The New York Times, the newspaper of record unless Judith "Chalabi" Miller is writing, in which case it's the newspaper of the Iraqi National Congress, reports:

MIRIYA, Iraq — A seeming lapse in surveillance by American forces has led to the looting of dangerously radioactive capsules from Saddam Hussein's main battlefield testing site in the desert outside Baghdad and the identification of at least one 30-year-old Iraqi villager, and possibly a village boy, as suffering from radiation sickness.

The liberal media, in its continued quest to suck up to the armed forces in general and Donald Rumsfeld in particular, labels this a "seeming" security lapse. Beholden to no one, we here would label this as a "WTF was that" kind of development. Especially given what follows in the NYT article:

Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez, the American commander in Iraq, has ordered an investigation to discover why an arc of eight 75-foot radioactive testing poles at the site was not more closely guarded after American nuclear experts filed a report to the Pentagon identifying them as dangerous after a visit to the site on May 9, American officers said. Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld has also taken a personal interest in the case.

Under investigation is how American surveillance of the area, now under the control of the 82nd Airborne Division, failed to spot villagers entering the testing site with heavy vehicles to dismantle three of the poles, or towers, for scrap, leaving heavy tire tracks in the desert. ...

American officers who oversaw the complex operation to recover the two unshielded capsules of cobalt-60 have hinted that the failure to identify the looting in September until two weeks later may have resulted from a work overload among experts who gather data from spy satellites.

Oh yeah, that makes us feel a whole lot better -- the spies are overloaded with work, and people can get away with the theft of radioactive material from an area under US Army surveillance.

Thanks to Blair for the NYT article.

Who am I? Where am I?

Last week we commented on something we'd read on Andrew Sullivan's blog. Frankly our visits there are quite rare -- we find that reading the incomparable SullyWatch is a much better use of our time instead. But this morning we were bored and made a quick stop at the Daily Dish. Oh my.

Ponder this: If you were asked to guess Sullivan's (or any other similarly inept rightist blogger out there) "solution" to the recent bombings in Turkey, what would it be? Send more troops to Afghanistan to get rid of the Taliban and al-Qaeda? (For real this time, not pretend eliminate like 2 years ago.) Help the Turks apprehend those responsible? Make sure that Iraq gets better sooner rather than later? Or would you say: "Oh I know, the EU should let Turkey in, because that would, uh, well, it would, you know, let Turkey into the EU and that would mean, uh, you know, that Turkey is in the EU." If you guessed the latter, please go to the service counter to claim your prize:

Now is surely the time to bring Turkey into the EU and to reassure them of our solidarity.

Note the comical use of the pronoun as well -- "our" should be taken to mean the EU's, an organization the right usually considers to be the creature of transnational progressivism, that mythical beast rumored to exist in the hallways of the European Commission. We bet that it would take anyone interested 30 seconds to find countless criticisms of the EU by our American friend Andrew Sullivan. But now, the EU (i.e. them, the Europeans) must let in Turkey into its ranks to show "our" solidarity. Looks to us like someone just hired Rush Limbaugh's former maid -- that Oxycontin is powerful stuff.

I got the power!

The administration likes to highlight positive developments in Iraq. When electricity production equaled (and then exceeded) pre-war levels in October, the Coalition Provisional Authority was quick to trumpet this as proof that, however slowly, things are getting better.

On November 2, ABC reported that electricity production was, according to the CPA, at 4,518 MW. [Pre-war level was 3,300 - 4,400 MW, and the CPA has used 4,400 as its point of comparison.] There's only one problem: It's now been over a month since Iraq produced as much as 4,518 MW in a single day. The closest it's come since was 4,237 MW, achieved the very next day, below what the CPA describes as the pre-conflict level.

In the 45 days since, Iraq has seen an average of 3,847 MW per day. So far this month the daily average has been 3,787 MW. The 7-day average has been under 4,000 MW/day since October 15.

Electricity production was at pre-war levels in mid-October. But a month later, it no longer is by the very standards the CPA has set. And yet, Paul Bremer brags about a level of electricity production not achieved in over a month. In the current issue of WORLD, Bremer is quoted as follows:

"Essential services are coming back," Mr. Bremer said. Many towns and cities have 24-hour electricity for the first time ever. Mr. Bremer beams when he announces that Iraq now produces more than 4,400 megawatts of electricity, the peak of Saddam's electricity. [Emphasis added.]

It might be time to stop beaming, because after coming back it looks like some basic services are going away again.

Update: uggabugga has been kind enough to post a graph showing peak production and MW hours since August, based on the CPA data.

The Dickification of the Western Female

[Disclosure: This post is rated I for Irony and S for Sarcasm.]

Earlier this week, we heard about a controversial essay written by Kim "I am too a man" du Toit. In it, Kim discussed one of the greatest evils of the 21st century, The Pussification Of The Western Male. Commentary can found in many places, including on The Tooney Bin, A Small Victory, or Josh Reynold's blog to cite one example we found randomly on Technorati.

Because Sadly, No! is a blog that prides itself on being connected with all that is hip and happening, we knew there had to be people out there who had a different point of view. No -- not girly men who disagreed they have become pussified, and no, not women who think a KimMan® is a dickless wanker. We mean women who think society's greatest problem is not the pussification of the western male, but rather the dickification of the western female. As luck would have it, we were right. We reprint below an essay sent to us from a woman blogger who has asked that she remain anonymous for now, so we will call her Amber Pawlik to protect her identity. So please sit back, grab an alcoholic beverage, and see what Amber Pawlik [not her real name!] has to say about:

The Dickification of the Western Female

We have become a nation of men.

It wasn’t always this way, of course. There was a time when women put their apron on, knowing full well that this single act had better result in a great meal, or their husbands might have valid grounds for having their secretaries work "overtime" with them. Their Cosmo allowance would be turned over to the kids, or given to a woman who could make a great beef stew, for fcuk’s sake.

There was a time when women went back to the bedroom after dinner, with expressions like "If you need a beer to relax, no need to get off the couch, just call and I'll get it for you."

There was a time when women had sex with their husbands, sometimes against their own wishes, so that other men wouldn't need to suffer the grumpiness that comes from sex deprived men. And there was a time when it was ok to sleep with the local hoe if men had to be on the road for work, because when a man has to do what a man has to do, it’s ok. There was a time when a woman would threaten to scratch another woman's eyes out, because she had the temerity to say bad things about her meatloaf.

We're not like that anymore.

Now, girls in high school are being told to stop playing with their cooking set and learn about home financing and compound interest, told to put down their knitting set and other familiar variations that helped them learn, at an early age, what it was like to have to satisfy your man, to provide for him, because you're not as good as him.

Now, women are taught that subordination is bad – that when a man wants sex or a quiet evening with the guys at the strip club-- that the proper way to deal with this is to "give him hell," instead of retreating to the bedroom with a vibrator, a bottle of Jimmy Dean, and a pair of AA alkaline batteries.

Now, women's fashion includes not a woman dressed in a proper skirt from Sears, but loose-fitting pants worn by a woman without breasts.

Now, instructions are included with microwave ovens, as though women have somehow forgotten how to cook.

Now, women are given leadership responsibilities as little girls, so that their natural obedience, subservience and deference can be controlled, instead of nurtured and directed.

And finally, our former First Lady, who had the audacity not only to attend law school but also to graduate from it, gets elected to the US Senate –the US fcuking Senate—and tries to do a man’s job while her husband stays at home. No wonder the Europeans (and NOW) love her, because the process of dickification is almost complete.

How did we get to this?

In the twentieth century, men became more and more involved in the raising of the children, in parents-teachers associations, and in discussing important decisions with their wives -- and mostly, this has not been a good thing. When men got to be role models for their daughters, it was inevitable that they were going to become more powerful, more assertive, and more "demanding" (i.e. more masculine), because men are hard-wired to treasure independence, more than respect for authority. It was therefore inevitable that their masculine influence on children was going to emphasize (lowercase "t") testosterone.

I am aware of the fury that this statement is going to arouse, and I don't care a fig.

What I care about is the fact that since the beginning of the twentieth century, there has been a concerted campaign to praise women, to raise them to figures to be respected, and to render them unattractive, literally speaking.

I'm going to illustrate this by talking about TV, because my husband doesn't let me out of the house unless we need groceries.

In the 1950s, the TV Mom was seen as the lovable clueless figure in need of assistance -- perhaps not the beginning of the trend -- BUT yet even back then there were times when she was allowed to resolve a problem on her own. Once women were shown it was ok to change a light bulb of fix a leaky faucet, the door to evil had been opened (think of the line: "Honey, don't worry about changing the oil on the car, I can do it.")

From that, we went to this: the AFLAC figure skating commercial on supplemental insurance.

Now, for those who haven't seen this piece of shiit, I'm going to go over it, from memory, because it epitomizes everything I hate about the campaign to dickify women. The scene opens at a skating rink, where the two figure skaters are practicing. The dialogue goes something like this:

Female skater (note, not male skater): You should get supplemental insurance.
Male Skater: What's that?
FS: It helps cover you in case you get injured and can't work.
MS (humorously): Uh?
Mother (not humorously): If you don't get any, you'll end up on the street a penniless [ why doesn't she just come out and say penisless??? -AP ] drunk you moron.

Now, every time I see that TV ad, I have to be restrained from smashing the TV with my 3-inch heels. If you want a microcosm of how women have become like men, this is the perfect example.

Even the fcuking duck is smarter than the man in that piece of crap, and the woman now has the knowledge, wisdom and experience to make complicated financial decisions. If I tried to tell my husband how to run our risk management, he'd slap me across the face and I'd thank him for it. He could then go and fcuk his secretary, who doesn't try to tell him how to run his life on a daily basis. But today, when the affair is discovered, people are going to rally around the suffering lesbian called his wife, and call him all sorts of names. He'll lose custody of his kids, and they will be brought up by our ultimate modern-day figure of sympathy: The Single Dyke.

You know what? Some women deserve to be bitter and single, having to rely on out of town truckers to satisfy their sexual needs.

When I first started my website, I think my primary aim was to blow off steam at the stupidity of our society.

Because I have fairly set views on what constitutes right and wrong, I have no difficulty in calling Hillary "Rodham" Clinton, for example, a fcuking liar and hypocrite.

But most of all, I do this website because I love being a woman. Amongst other things, I talk about makeup, haircuts, fashion, beautiful scarves, sewing, cooking, cleaning, and vacuum cleaners -- all the things that being a woman entails. All this stuff gives me pleasure.

And it doesn't take much to see when all the things I love are being threatened: when the prime source for women's advice is Oprah, for instance, you know Western society has bottomed out, big time. The show should have been called Woman Improvement, because that's what every single episode entailed: turning a woman into a "better" person, instead of just leaving her alone to listen to her husband talking about his hard day at the office. I stopped watching the show after about four weeks.

Martha Stewart was better, at least the first season – women making the home perfect, throwing together the best soirées even at the last minute, decorating the living room so that it looked like it was their man's even though they hadn't done anything. Excellent stuff, only not strong enough. I don’t watch it anymore, either, because it’s plain that the idea has been subverted by lesbians, who think it’s ok to put independent thought into endeavors meant to please men, rather than themselves.

Finally, we come to the TV show which to my mind epitomizes everything bad about what we have become: The View. Playing on lesbian affiliates around the country, this piece of excrement has taken over the popular culture by storm (and so far, the only counter has been the great Saturday Night Live parodies which took it apart for the bs it is). Star Jones thinks she’s a lawyer? What's her legal area of expertise? How many Twinkies she can shove in her mouth?

I'm sorry, but the premise of the show nauseates me. A bunch of lesbians trying to "improve" ordinary women into something "better" (i.e. more acceptable to other lesbians): changing the gal’s attitude, giving advice on her job (her job!), her status in society -- for fcuk's sake, what kind of lesbian would allow these overpowering Xenas to change her life around?

Yes, women are, by and large, not real bright. Big fcuking deal! Last time I looked, that’s normal. Women are dumb, and that only changes when men marry them, when they finally have someone smarter to whom all important decisions can be entrusted. That’s the natural order of things.

You know the definition of independent women we used in Louisiana? “Women with small tits who better stock up on batteries.”

Real women, on the other hand, have nice big tits: C or D, or CC or DD, or else they get a push-up bra before it’s time for sex, and then they have the common sense to turn off the lights first.

Men need sex.

Which is why some women are trying to impose preposterous notions like "no means no" and "even married women don’t have to say yes to sex to their husbands." No fcuking way ladies! Men work hard – ever had to spend a day in a cubicle next to Bill, who's like way more ahead of his monthly sales quota than you are? You think Glengarry Glen Ross is fiction? It's a fcuking kindergarten compared to the typical office. No wonder men need some release at home.

My website has become fairly popular with women, and in the beginning, this really surprised me, because I didn't think I was doing anything special.

That's not what I think now. I must have had well over five thousand women write to me to say stuff like "Yes! I agree! I was so angry when I read about [insert atrocity of choice], but I though I was the only one."

No, you're not alone dear, and nor am I.

Out there, there is a huge number of women who are sick of it. We're sick of being made figures of competence and authority; we're sick of having lesbians as journalists (yeah Maureen Down and Anna Quidlen, I'm talking to you!) advertising agency execs and movie stars decide on "what is a woman"; we're sick of men treating us like equals, and we're really fcuking sick of manly-women politicians who pander to girly men by passing an ever-increasing raft of gender equality laws and regulations (the legal equivalent of public-school Ritalin), which prevent us from being paid less for doing the same work, giving up our maiden name and our blenders, breat implants (I'll take cancer over small boobs, fcukverymuch,) getting into catfights over men, blowing the entire football team squad at a frat party, and doing all the fine things which being a woman entails.

Fcuk this, I'm sick of it.

I don't see why I should put up with this bs any longer -- hell, I don't see why any woman should put up with this bs any longer.

I don't see why women should have become masculinized, accept that we allowed it to happen -- and you know why we let it happen? Because it's easier to do so. Unfortunately, we've allowed it to go too far, and our femaleness has become too dickified for words.

At this point, I could have gone two ways: the first would be to say, "...and I don't know if we'll get it back. The process has become too entrenched, the cultural zeitgeist of women as men has become part of the social fabric, and there's not much we can do about it."

Well, I'm not going to quit. Fcuk that. One of the characteristics of the non-dickified woman (and this should strike fear into the hearts of lesbians and manly-women everywhere) is that she never quits just because the odds seem overwhelming. Think thanksgiving turkey, ladies.

I want a real woman as First Lady -- not Hillary "Rodham" Clinton, who wanted to chair a commission on health care reform to show who has the balls in that relationship, and use her maiden name in public, when we all knew that real women don't to do that shiit.

And I want the Real Woman First Lady to surround herself with other Real Women, like Mrs. Clarence Thomas, and Mrs. Dick Cheney, and yes, Mrs. Robert Dole (who is more of a Real Woman than those dykes Condoleezza Rice and Janet Reno).

I want our unelected public figures to be more like a proper wife -- kind, helpful, and eager to tell their man they'll do anything to make them happy when they fcuk up, instead of telling them that maybe invading Iraq wasn’t such a bright idea after all.

I want our leading ladies to start rolling back the Emancipation State, in all its horrible manifestations of over-liberation, assertiveness and "Mommy Knows How to do Stuff too" regulations.

I want our culture to become more female -- not the satirical kind of female, like Martha Stewart, or the cartoonish figures of Paula Abdul, Connie Chung or Michelle Malkin. (Note to the Hollywood execs: We absolutely loathe James Bond movies with women who can save their own lives, rescue James from danger, all that feminine jive. We want more June Cleaver, Ginger, that woman from Married with Children, Lucianne Goldberg, and yes, Jonah Goldberg too. Never mind that it's simplistic -- we like simple, we are simple, we are women -- our lives are uncomplicated, and we like it that way. Die Hard was a great movie, and you know why? Because if you had cut out Bruce Willis' part, the woman would have died. Because it involved a woman acting like a Real Woman.

I want our literature to become more female, less male. Women shouldn't buy "self-help" books unless the subject matter is baking, sexual techniques that give men pleasure, or how to remove a jammed toast in a fcuking Black & Decker toaster. We don't improve ourselves, we improve our small home appliances.

And finally, I want women everywhere to going back to being Real Women. To cook meals for men, to shine that kitchen floor to a spot-free shine, to clean up after a meal, to go down on their husbands when they need it.

In every sense of the word. We know what the words "if you think so honey" mean.

Because that's all that being a Real Woman involves. You don't have to become a fcuking cartoon female, either: I'm not going back to marrying multiple wives like those Muslim a-holes do, nor am I suggesting we support that perversion of being a Real Woman, who decides to use contraception on her own, so that she can control her sex life.

It's all a reaction: a reaction against being dickified. And I understand it, completely. Young women are catty, they do fight amongst themselves over who can make the best lasagna, give the best bj, provide the cutest children, and all this does happen for a purpose.

Because only the domesticated women propagate.

And men know it. You want to know why I know this to be true? Because dumb broads still attract men if they know how to be proper housewives. Men, even gay men, swooned over Anna Nicole Smith in a Playboy pictorial. The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders still get access to some of the biggest hunks available, despite having attended college. Nancy Reagan could fcuk 90% of all men over 50 if she wanted to, and a goodly portion of younger ones too.

But she won't. Because Nancy isn’t married to a wussy like John Tesh, and she knows she has to stand by her man. Just say no was the slogan of the campaign against drugs, but it could have been used for the campaign against the dickification of women. She's a Real Woman. No wonder NOW hates and fears her.

We'd better get more like her, we'd better become more like her, because if we don't, women will become a footnote to history. Thanks for reading. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen.

Update: A. Meeba responds with The Genitalization Of The Western Amoeba. It's a must read.