Some Of Us Are Looking At The Stars

I suppose people around the world are entitled to say, “We look at your flag - you've got the flag of another country in the corner. Are you a colony or are you a nation?”

- Paul Keating (1992)

It's the Sabbath so take it easy. But I think this should be Australia's flag. I've changed the navy blue and white to green and gold to symbolise the Eureka standard's movement beyond the politically and historically contested events surrounding its origins. I don't hate Britain and I don't hate our flag but I've always agreed with Mr Keating on the desirability of a change. Unlike the former Prime Minister, I'm not motivated by what the opinions of foreigners might be. As Sir Paul Hasluck argued in 1992, the present flag "proclaims that Australia is still... a dominion of Great Britain." That's just not good enough.

Granted, neither are various other devices that have been invented out of thin air in recent years. The Eureka flag, however, has history.

But what kind of history? This is the key question. Must the Affair at Eureka be seen as an event iconic only to the political left? I don't think so. Organisations like the BLF really never had any business claiming the Eureka flag as their own.

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“We swear by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other and fight to defend our rights and liberties.”_________________________________________________

The miners who sought to force change when they first raised it at Bakery Hill in December 1854 were men working for themselves, trying to get ahead and - most importantly - trying their best to liberalise the heavy-handed and petty strictures of government. One day it will appear on Liberal Party advertisements and letterheads and appropriately so.

Those who seek to promote the Eureka Stockade as a profoundly important revolution in Australian history in a unionistic or Marxian sense are not doing any favors for the flag they favour. The miners' oath, which they made to each other, could still be an inspiration - to a docker as much as a Digger: "We swear by the Southern Cross to stand truly by each other and fight to defend our rights and liberties."

The Eureka flag can represent all Australians if only it can be wrested away from those who would exaggerate and bowdlerise the history of what happened on the goldfields during that summer 150 years ago. My family were miners in that district at that time and neither they nor their descendents were Bolcheviks.

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“As I well recall, unless someone can point to a faulty memory on my part, [Peter] Lalor himself made it very plain that he did not want to start a revolution.”_________________________________________________

The election campaign hasn't included much discussion of such representational matters. However, Deputy Prime Minister John Anderson did comment on the significance of Eureka in such a way as inadvertently supports my argument.

People try to paint the Eureka stockade events as an attempt at revolution, whereas I recall well from my history days at university, they were just after a fair go - they weren't actually revolutionary at all, they didn't want to overturn things... Lalor I think was his name, made those very points.

Look I think [the Eureka Stockade is] a very interesting part of Australia's history, and I think it represents very understandably something that people like to highlight, that is the quest for fair and just treatment, but I don't think it ought to be as an attempt to create a revolution. As I well recall, unless someone can point to a faulty memory on my part, [Peter] Lalor himself made it very plain that he did not want to start a revolution.

Neither do I.

It's simply time for this great Commonwealth to also have one of the most beautiful and distinctive flags in the world because right now the one it has doesn't exactly stand out. Do we really want to go on being so unimaginative?

The post-Union Jack Territory and Island flags (especially Norfolk's) are by far the most attractive in Australia.

I salute the Blue Ensign and all it means but a new century needs a new banner: one that can represent both sides of the political spectrum, one with a history, one already revered, and one that speaks to our Christian heritage, our geographical location and our future.

A flag to swear by.

Finis For A Fink

Mark Steyn on Kerry, Allawi, the media and the left. Brilliant.

Diminishing Returns And The Boofhead Factor

The staff of the Sydney Morning Herald must be in a state of shock about the latest Nielson figures showing surging support for the government. The polls tend to be erratic, yes. But Labor's position is - by any measure - woeful.

Take into account the sustained campaigns against John Howard preceding the election, the contrived media spin about what a great campaigner Mark Latham is, the so-called loss in the so-called debate and the massive defensive interference run by journalists to ensure Peter Costello couldn't destroy Labor's tax package.

For good reason, most pundits seem to have abandoned the end-of-week calling of the card. The poll results are contributing to real confusion about which side is winning the campaign phases. A few factors seem to me to be relevant to Labor's prospects at the end of Week Four.

The experience of John Kerry demonstrates that there is such a thing as a law of diminishing returns when it comes to criticising the government on security questions. At some indeterminate point people will begin - if they haven't already - to suspect the Opposition is guilty of shallow and carping cynicism. Islamist terrorists want to kill Australians - whether we're in Iraq or not in Iraq; whether we take the fight to them or retreat to Fortress Australia.

Journalists and pollsters (and political machinists for that matter) refuse to accord voters any substantive degree of respect for their sophistication and discernment. Neither the Kerry or Latham juggernauts seem to understand that many, if not most, voters will not blame their governments for contemporary security threats. Strange, to be sure, but they blame the terrorists.

This is just one mistake Labor is making. Closely related to it has been Mr Latham's attempt to portray the Prime Minister in the worst possible light over the regional pre-emption debate. As soon as Indonesian and Malaysian figures responded negatively and Labor figures pointed to those responses, I suspected the polls would improve for the government.

Zell Miller said at the Republican National Convention that he wouldn't tolerate American troops being referred to as occupiers when they were, to him, liberators. Similarly, Australians will never respond well to their nation being compared to countries where pockets of terrorism exist and flourish. The point is that Indonesia would never have to take pre-emptive action against terrorists in Australia because Australia would take action itself. A key difference - and people know it.

So much for the diminishing marginal utility of the national security wedge.

Economically, the monumental irony of an Opposition staking a claim to responsibility based entirely on fiscal stabilities created by the government is becoming obvious. Protecting the surplus? Whose surplus? Not Labor's. No ratcheting up of low interest rates? Whose low interest rates? Not Labor's. Mr Latham acts like the Man with the Million Pound Note: his spending is based on the belief that he's self-evidently wealthy. To the extent that he is - in policy terms - he has the government to thank for it.

Finally, there's a certain something about Mr Latham that doesn't come across well with people. It's the boofhead factor. Even if people like the man, they still think he's a short-tempered, reckless figure. Medicare, schools, water policy, tax, public services - these were supposed to be areas where Labor's king hits would be made. The government has not only remained on its feet but has delivered retaliatory upper-cuts. On schools alone, Mr Latham has offended the wealthy, the would-be wealthy and a lot of other people in between who just don't feel comfortable with wild Whitlamite rants.

The Prime Minister's decision in favour of a long campaign may have been a master-stroke. With two weeks to go, Mr Latham's chamber is pretty much empty. Meanwhile domestic and international events still make the news and still have to be addressed by John Howard. That's two weeks of incumbency politics.

Over time, Mr Latham may end up looking less and less the part.

Felicitazione Signor Angelozzi!

A wonderful story.

I Think He Wants Us To Follow Him

Remember how John Kerry wanted to fight a more "sensitive" war on terrorists?

Well, it seems the Hallmark Hombre has changed his mind. Now he's promising to "fight a tougher, smarter, more effective war on terror. My priority will be to find and capture or kill the terrorists before they get us."

Kind of like pre-emption. Thank the Good Lord someone thought of that.

Having insulted Australians, the Iraqis, the British, the Polish and all the other tens of nations involved in the Coalition of the Willing, Kerry has also pledged to muster more international and Iraqi soldiers to take the burden off US troops.

Good luck with that.

If you want to understand the mindset of the Democratic challenger in all its flopomatic complexity, a new Kerry video game should help.

Playing as a square-jawed, machine-gun-toting Lt. John Kerry, gamers lead a team of U.S. Navy swift boats up the Mekong Delta to secure the shore while facing fire from Viet Cong in the nearby brush. Players are able to drive the boat and can jump ashore to chase and battle enemy soldiers.

High points can be won for bogus Purple Heart claims and a prized three seconds of invulnerability can be achieved with the Magic Hat bonus.

Nick Nack Paddy Whack

I promise no more gratuitous nudity from TCL after this. But just what the hell is P.P. McGuinness doing in Berkeley carrying a 'Get Ashcroft' sign? (Scroll down). Does this explain the real reason he left the Sydney Morning Herald?

Step Right Up! See The Incredible Loser!

Death profiteer and greedy propagandist, Michael Moore, has been barred from speaking at California State University-San Marcos because of his one-sided political views.

Looks like the 'Slacker Uprising Tour' is living up to its name.

Moore's organisers are spinning the story with the martyrdom schtick we've all come to expect from this thoroughly cretinous organism - he was banned because of his political views etc. As usual, the truth is more mundane and more illuminating. Illuminating because of what the ban says about the character of university President Karen Haynes.

Moore's $37,000 fee was defrayed in part by student activity funds at the public university. Haynes decided that to spend state monies to host such a famously biased opponent of President George W. Bush on campus would be illegal.

As a public university, we are prohibited from spending state funds on partisan political activity or direct political advocacy.

She argued Moore had campaigned for Democratic candidates and has publicly declared his desire to help get rid of President Bush. Moore was welcome to visit and speak at the university after the election.

Organizers rejected her offer and declared victory after arranging for Moore to speak October 12 at the nearby fairground. "We are definitely happy he is coming," said student Sarah Leonard.

If you get lost at the fairground Sarah, look out for MiMo the Clown near the hot-dog stand. He'll be the one getting sniffed at by the Horrible Half Man-Half Ape From Deepest Africa!!

Another 'victory,' then, for Mike Moore over such evil forces as the US Constitution, the rule of law, moderation and fair play. And over one decent, clear-thinking woman.

Not.

Incidentally, if you visit the front page of Moore's website just now, you'll see a cartoon by Denziger in which Republican elephants guffaw at John Kerry while a US soldier lies dead in their midst. Ironic from a necrophiliac who made his fortune on the corpses of dead school-children, dead 9/11 victims, dead US Marines and dead Iraqis.

An example of Mike's commitment to truth can be seen here. Under the heading Mr. Bush and His 10 Ever-Changing Different Positions on Iraq: 'A flip and a flop and now just a flop', Moore lists his version of the President's history in dealing with Iraq. The first four reasons relate to the period 1983-2000. Seventeen years that have nothing to do with George W. Bush.

Mike then reminds the President - to whom he is fancifully speaking - that he had a rosier view of the world and Iraq in 2000 than he did in 2001. No reference is made to UN resolutions on Iraq. He says that after 9/11 the President "had no interest in going after Osama bin Laden. You wanted only to bomb Iraq and kill Saddam." The war in Afghanistan is not mentioned.

Then he goes bananas.

Flop. That is what you are. A huge, colossal flop. The war is a flop, your advisors and the "intelligence" they gave you is a flop, and now we are all a flop to the rest of the world. Flop. Flop. Flop.

'Uprising' tour, flop obsession - Freud could have written a book about Moore's subliminal fear of impotence.

Massive And Superlative Denial

The more often Memogate figure Bill Burkett talks, the more he comes across as a very sad and used figure. His latest view on the Rathergate catastrophe - as told to CNN - is that "the jury is still out."

Actually, its members have decided, gone for coffee one last time, said their goodbyes and gone home. I guess you could call that "out."

"The documents have not been conclusively proven false," Burkett said. "Neither have they been proven authentic. That jury is still out." Burkett has been under intense media scrutiny since he was revealed as the source of the documents. On Thursday, he replied via email to a series of questions from CNN. Burkett said he expected CBS to use its "massive and superlative abilities" to authenticate the documents prior to broadcast. He also accused "incompetent" CBS staff of revealing his name to other news organizations, despite an agreement to protect his identity as the source of the material.

Burkett also accused the White House of using the blog community to launch a "kill the messenger campaign" against him after the documents were made public.

"The coordinated attacks against the documents, then against me, which CBS did nothing to deflect or defend, and then against Dan Rather and CBS producer Mary Mapes have not been against the validity of the documents, but rather as an attack against anything being considered at all," he said.

Pluto to Mr Burkett: the documents are forgeries. Defend what?

The only "co-ordinated" thing about this bizarre episode was the mendacious attempt by CBS to ruthlessly use, then drop, people for the specific purpose of damaging George W. Bush. Why? Because Dan Rather believed he deserved it.

The attempt to depict the President in the most negative light possible - as a deserter and shuffler - doesn't seem to have had much impact psephologically. According to an Associated Press poll, the President has solidified his advantage among male voters during the last month. On job performance, the economy and Iraq, he holds his highest ratings since January.

Yes, polls come and polls go. Some are good, some not so good. But John Kerry has also been reported to be struggling amongst women. I'm no Harvard political scientist, but it can't be good for your campaign when you start losing support in the all-important male and female demographics.

Bovver Meets Boiler

Soopoib. Yobbo on Mr Latham, that is.

Say My Name

Mark Latham. He gets some practice in for consulting 'the region' on Australia's foreign policy. (WARNING: Horrific image).

Sound Off Like You've Got A Pair

The pensioner-clobbering Man of Peace who has sought to depict Prime Minister Howard as tendentious and lacking courage has refused to reprimand party colleagues for taking the stick to incapacitated war veterans and for blaming the Bali bombing on the Liberal Party.

The government has called on testosterone-free zone, Mark Latham, to censure Labor's Veterans Affairs spokesman, Senator Mark Bishop, following an incident in Canberra in which the Senator intentionally offended members of the Totally and Permanently Incapacitated Ex-Servicemen's Federation. Bishop says he was "annoyed" by the group.

Another great Labor tradition returns: contempt for veterans.

If it's reasonable to assume the Liberals want to privatise State schools on the basis of one innocuous comment, it's also reasonable to assume the Opposition Leader believes the Coalition government is somehow behind the slaughter of Australians in Bali.

Labor candidate for Fairfax in Queensland, Ivan Molloy, supports his wife Cate's deranged opinion that sitting Liberal MPs were to blame for the Sari nightclub attack in which 202 people - including 88 Australians - were murdered.

The testicularly-challenged Mr Latham will not disendorse Molloy who has said he supports his lunatic spouse's theory "100 per cent."

Is the Daily LaMa back on the sauce?

Queensland Premier Peter Beattie must also believe in the Mad Cate theory. He has described calls for Mr Molloy to be disendorsed as a "cheap shot."

I think that's a bit rude, that's just the normal argy bargy you'd get in a political campaign. I mean of course her husband's going to stand by her... what sort of partner wouldn't stand by your wife or your husband?

Um, one who knew said partner needed psychiatric assistance? Accusing people of mass murder is "just the normal argy bargy?" Hey, let's vote these limp-wristed weasels into government federally.

Good Oil: Bernard.

Turn It Up

Knock me down with a Rickenbacker. Yesterday I wrote about how Australian musicians had capitulated to Yankee imperialism by unimaginatively copying the 'Rock Against' concept and applying it to our election and our political leadership.

Yesterday a muso-political campaign was launched by various rockers at the University of Western Sydney (no links yet) to convince people - you guessed it - to get rid of the Evil Howard Junta. Even the name of the movement - 'Vote For Change' - was appropriated (again) from the United States. Those are the same United States by which the anti-Howardians believe the PM is far too influenced.

The real - which is to say, original - Vote for Change tour will end on 14 October at the M.C.I. Center in Washington DC. Bruce Springsteen and friends had planned to complete their programme in Miami but harping and yapping against the President wouldn't have been a good look in a region devastated by hurricanes. Tickets for the Washington finale sold out in 30 minutes.

In other music NEWs, it looks like Jet are likely to clean up at the ARIAS - which should warm the cockles of everyone, myself included, who likes guitar bands of a loutish and hedonistic disposition. The only downside for hair 'n' denim bands today, though, is that unlike the Beatles and the Stones and the other rock bands of yore, they don't go through the phases anymore. No longer do bands wear matching suits, act polite for Mr Sullivan and slowly become corrupted, cynical and engagingly worldly over time. Now its straight into rooftop Get Back and Altamont jadedness. I wonder whether this phenomenon ages bands like Jet before their time. We shall see.

A band I respect and like is creative high energy pop rockers Killing Heidi. They're touring at the moment and their single 'I Am' heralds their return to the big-time after a few bad production decisions. It's a mystery I know but I like hippie dreadlockie chicks like Heidi frontgirl Ella Hooper. She deserves her place amongst the coolest women of rock.

Similarly configured - non-conventional female vocalist, finger and keyboard breaking musicians - are Marshall-blasting Gothic rock outfit Evanescence. Not to everyone's taste maybe, but 'Going Under' and 'Immortal Beloved' from their mega-successful Fallen CD have been getting a workout on my stereo. Guess I've got an Edward Scissorhands streak. Snip.

The band that changed its name from Shihad to Pacifier after 9/11 has Mellencamped back to Shihad. (Yawn). They were worried the American market might shut out a band with a name sounding too much like the one for Islamic Holy War. They now have two identical websites whose purpose is to inform whatever fans they have that they're back and they're, like, major rock 'n' roll badsters.

The events surrounding the name change and our choice to be known as Pacifier are well documented. As much as we believed in what we were doing, and the reasons for doing it at the time - the truth is we were wrong.

Their motto? "Love is the new hate." And horseshit is the same ol-same ol.

The name Pacifier - with which Google associates sponsored links like 'Baby Items on Sale', 'Billy Bob Teeth Shop' and 'Funnydummys' - would obviously collapse under the weight of such a bleak aphorism.

The creative tweaking of image and opportunities seems to be the arena where bands look to make a difference these days. Self-important knobs, Metallica, make a film about their breakdowns and their therapy, punk outfit Greenday looks set to go filmic too and Regurgitator confine themselves to a bubble and pretend to write an album while the world looks on.

Andrew Loog Oldham locked up Jagger and Richards until they wrote their first song - 'As Tears Go By.' Regurgitator's effort - 'The Drop' - is even worse. Scratchy, repetitive, meaningless - even the horns added at the end sound generic. The band that gave the world 'Fat Cop' and 'Crush the Losers' needs to lose the log on its shoulder.

Yusuf 'Cat Stevens' Islam is back in the charts - potentially with a bullet according to US airport authorities who went to great lengths to deplane the former vomitous warbler. I laughed aloud when I read The Guardian refer to him as "Mr Islam." Naturally, bodies like the Muslim Council of Britain are saying it's all a terrible injustice. Tim Dunlop isn't so sure. Neither is one of Tim's readers, blogger Joe:

The reason he's been banned, the CIA really hates 'Moonshadow.' I would have banned his arse after "remember the days of the old schoolyard" personally. The CIA has also published a list of artists that have been added to the security threat list: The Brotherhood Of Man; Monte Video & The Cassettes; Billy Ocean; East 17.

They tried to ban Little River Band, but slipped and banned REO Speedwagon by mistake. So some good was done afterall. I wish they'd find a way to ban The Eagles, I thought they'd broken up. They were "already gone" if you will. Yet hell keeps freezing over and back they come for another f**king reunion tour!!

Better named than the ARIAS are the Deadlys (Deadly Sounds Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Music, Sport, Entertainment and Community Awards). Voting for the tenth anniversary ceremony closes on 12 October and the big night itself will be hosted by Ernie Dingo at the Opera House on 22 October.

Nominees for the 2005 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductions have been named: The Sex Pistols, U2, Patti Smith, Gram Parsons, The Stooges and Grand Master Flash and the Furious Five. If only Mr Islam and Sid Vicious could be there - together I mean, at the same table.

No musical bulletin would be complete without talking about William Shatner. He's released his first album in 35 years, collaborating with none other than American-born Adelaide singer-songwriter Ben Folds.

Bill's a good sport, that's for sure. The new CD is called Has Been. It features big names like Henry Rollins, Aimee Mann, Joe Jackson, Lemmon Jelly and Ben Folds himself. Shatner did a lot of the writing. His rendition of Pulp's 'Common People' can be heard here.

It's not bad either.

Cluelessasaurus

Use your archeological skills to dig beneath aeons of advertising strata and help DinoMedia understand the internet's power.

Synchronicities #4

Earlier this week in The Australian Imre Salusinszky asked if "anybody else noticed the spooky parallels between our election campaign and the US presidential race?" Yes Imre. Do keep up.

Now, following Mark Latham's spooky example, it has emerged that John Kerry is losing support amongst women.

In the last few weeks, Kerry campaign officials have been nervously eyeing polls that show an erosion of the senator's support among women, one of the Democratic Party's most reliable constituencies. In a New York Times/CBS News poll conducted last week, women who are registered to vote were more likely to say they would vote for Mr. Bush than for Mr. Kerry, with 48 percent favoring Mr. Bush and 43 percent favoring Mr. Kerry. In 2000, 54 percent of women voted for Al Gore, the Democratic nominee, while 43 percent voted for Mr. Bush.

There is talk within Democrat circles that Vice Presidential candidate John Edwards should play a greater role in the campaign, surely a massive vote of no confidence in the party's main man.

Following the example of Margo Kingston - a closet Menzies admirer - the Anyone But Bush (ABB) brigade is increasingly drawn to the argument that what politics today needs is more true conservatives. They should also consider entertaining the Tokyo Rose notion that the 2004 presidential election would be a good one to lose.

Bollocks.

With influence like this, I'm beginning to think Margo is part of "the fundamentalist Zionist lobby [that] controls politics and the media in the US and Australia."

Sneaky.

Plebiscite On The Past

When the Prime Minister called the election for 9 October I thought we would probably see what would amount to the great Cancel Out Campaign of 2004. 'Nothing Really Matters' was one description that came to mind. One party would announce an expensive fix-all policy that would be so complex and politically contested as to influence no-one, in and of itself. Then the other party would counter with an initiative of its own, no less complex and no more electorally penetrative.

Yes, that describes the give and take of most campaigns in any era. Not infrequently, however, past elections have risen to some crescendo or critical mass. The difference with this campaign - and I include the pre-Yarralumla phoney-war phase - is that everything - debates, indiscretions, policies, backflips - is washed up and out of political discourse over the course of no more than a few news cycles. Remember Mike Scrafton, the Dirt Units, Tim Howard's spam, the 54 (or was it 45?) doctors and their condemnatory letter on Iraq, the worm, Pauline, preference deals? They're irrelevant already. Next week no-one will be talking about pre-emption or branch-stacking or Tony Windsor.

As for the completely ridiculous hysterical nonsense about how dirty the Liberals were fighting when they raised Mr Latham's record in public administration, that's already the best forgotten journalistic flim-flam of spooked partisans.

Launching his health policy yesterday, Mark Latham said the election would be a referendum on Medicare. No it won't. The Prime Minister countered that it will be a referendum on economic management and national security. Close, but no Esplendido. Peter Costello argued yesterday that the Opposition's tax policy had a $700 million black hole. His opposite number, Simon Crean, said it was the government's numbers that were shonky.

Actually, the 9 October election will be a plebiscite on the past and the principals: the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the more nationalistic and aggressive stance being taken against terrorists, the mistakes and disappointments that have occurred during the war so far and - also important - the relative gravitas of the two contenders. I say gravitas rather than trustworthiness because it's my impression that neither John Howard or Mark Latham are men who inspire devotion. Although it has to be said that there is about the PM the aura of a man of thick-skinned determination - a quality widely admired. Mostly, though, they're bastards but one of them is your bastard.

One of them also has to fit your worldview on recent events and stake a credible claim to deserve being present in the events domestic and military you may be envisaging for the nation's future. The rest - Medicare, schools and the short-lived 'gaffes' that arise on the hustings - well, they're not guff exactly. They're props. Ever seen footage of a famous actor or actress taking a screen test? They're usually required to demonstrate their emotional and facial range, their economy of motion, their elegance in making gestures and handling objects.

Essentially, that's what John Howard and Mark Latham are doing now: they know they have to impress upon Australians their mastery of leadership stagecraft. The Liberal Party follows Labor's lead and hands back money it received from James Hardie; when it turns out terrorist Khalid Shaikh Mohammed was granted a tourist visa in 2001, Mark Latham says it proves something he hasn't being saying for several months. And so it goes.

No, this isn't a jaded lamentation of how the political process has been debased or anything like that. The campaign, what's at stake, the daily cut and thrust - they're all fascinating. With respect to policy, however - especially that which might have been substantive and crucial in other elections - none of it interests me much this time around. I know who I'll be supporting and I know why. It's just a matter of counting the sleeps till Christmas really.

Finally, am I right in discerning the beginnings of kind of a civility between advocates for both parties? Half right maybe. It's said the Australians and the Turks used to play soccer and share a smoke during ceasefires in World War I. Then they'd go at it again, all guns blazing, with undiminished alacrity. One side of Australian politics is going to lose hard on 9 October. It says something about how fierce is the battle that some are practicing their magnanimity already.

Filed Under 'Big Noting'

Speaking of Sir Les - and if you haven't seen it somewhere already - he'd love what British company PowerGen called its Italian subsidiary. Check out the address bar. Oops.

Via: Sciatica.

Ya With Me?

To whom it may concern...

I've known Tony Windsor for many a long year. In our younger days we played footy together and afterwards we'd join the ladies in the clubhouse and very often continue on with the ball work. When I heard Tony... 'Your Majesty' I used to call him... when I heard Tony had been elected to Parliament, the first thought that came into my noggin was 'this bloke's destined for bigger things.' He's a grower, not a show-er I said.

He's articulate, personable and he's always had a good grasp on the pulse of things. He's had his hand on it for years. Recently, at the behest of my old China, John Anderson, I approached Tony and asked him on the quiet if he'd be interested in taking his knowledge of Armidale and using it on the world stage as Ambassador to either Washington or the Holy See. I told him there was plenty of intern crumpet available in the former post, and more randy Sophia Loren-type wogs than you could poke a breadstick at in the latter.

Anyway, he's going to get back to me and Ando on that whenever the sly old dog finishes weighing up his options.

Let me just conclude by saying I've groomed Tony for a role in an embassy like yours. I've taught him all the kosher protocol and cultural sensitivities - whether you're spicks, slopeheads, jigaboos, coconuts or curry-munchers, in Tony you've got a man of action who'll always put his hand up to cop a feel.

He speaks quietly but carries the biggest stick I've ever seen. He's not like half the purse-carrying properies you meet on the cocktail circuit either.

Give him the nod and he'll always be on the job, I'll guarantee you that.

Yours very sincerely,

Sir Les Patterson (Cultural Attache).

Newspoll Schmewspoll

I've put up a new poll which will take TCL through to the 9 October election. After that, the question will change to either 'How many days before Opposition Leader Mark Latham is replaced by Kimbo?' or 'How many Question Times before Prime Minister Latham head-butts the Speaker?'

UPDATE: Options expanded, at Mark's suggestion (see comments). This required the set up of an entirely new poll. So - we start again.

The Nebuchadnezzar Of Muffins

From his 3x4 metre cell located in the grounds of one of his former palaces outside Baghdad, Saddam Hussein has reportedly begged Iraqi interim Prime Minister Iyad Allawi for mercy.

Mr Allawi says he replied that the former dictator's fate was now a matter for the courts.

Saddam and his cronies are not the all-powerful men that they are sometimes portrayed as in the media. Saddam transmitted a message to me begging for mercy. He said they had been working for the public interest and their goal was not to do harm.

Saddam still insists he is the constitutionally lawful President of Iraq which means he should cut through the red tape and pardon himself.

According to Mr Bakhtiar Amin, Iraq's Human Rights Minister, the former tyrant sits in his cell and requests muffins, cookies and cigars. He has yet to display any remorse for the hundreds of thousands who died during his reign.

Mr Amin's assessment?

He's a megalomaniac and a psychotic. He has never expressed any remorse for any of his victims. He is a man without a conscience. He is a beast.

According to John Kerry, Mark Latham and Kofi Annan, he's a beast that should have been given another dozen or so chances to go on butchering to his heart's content.

Uncle Sam's Uncle Toms

Despite the fact that he once called a female journalist a whore - which in another era got Frank Sinatra marooned in Australia till he apologised - and a growing collection of anecdotes suggesting that non-violent he isn't, the musicians responsible for Rock Against Howard haven't as yet rocked against Mark Latham.

Even more curiously, their CD was promoted by Andrew Bartlett.

The idea for the politically targeted compilation, of course, was another instance of leftist sycophancy towards the United States - where the 'Rock Against' idea originated.

Sadly, the aesthetically disempowering phenomenon of artists for all intents and purposes aligning themselves to a particular party has become a familiar feature of Australian politics. Via Barista - who is not a critic of the enterprise I should point out - comes the news that we'll soon be able to experience a film-makers' version of Stalinist political lackeyness.

A gang of Melbourne filmmakers has been putting together a compendium film on John Howard called, unsurprisingly "Time To Go, John." At the moment it contains fifteen films from all over Australia, which range from veddy veddy dignified and polished works from experienced documentary makers to projects from emerging filmmakers, video guerrillas and garage animators. The film, released as a DVD, has already booked into fifty cinemas around the country in the last week before the election, with the notable exception of Western Australia where it will screen in pubs.

Culturally, it's hard not to see this as another disappointing example of Australian cargo-cultism. No doubt encouraged by the influence Michael Moore, Steven Spielberg and George Butler have had in the US presidential campaign, local film-makers have now answered the call of derivative imitation which, increasingly, they find compelling.

Luvvies, here's a great idea for a film: Think For Yourselves.

Pretentious Stretching Banned

Egypt's highest Islamic authority has called yoga an "ascetic Hindu practice that should not be used in any manner of exercise or worship."

The edict was signed by the mufti, Ali Gomoa, and published in the pan-Arab daily newspaper Al-Hayat. It described yoga as "an aberration" that was "forbidden religiously."

Tough but fair.

King Of The Kids

He pretends to be warm and fuzzie about children's books and he bangs on about easing the squeeze of families. But nutty and pathologically aggressive Opposition Leader Mark Latham isn't exactly natural and engaging with children himself.

Touring an independent primary school in Brisbane's northern suburbs while promoting his schools policy today, Mr Latham was asked a sweet question by nine-year-old Deanna.

"Are you friends with John Howard?" she asked Mr Latham.

"Not really... I can't say that we're personal friends," Mr Latham replied.

"He advocates his politics and I advocate my policies and that's what the election's about."

There's something creepy about this man.

Truth From The Hotted Up Skyline Set

Heard hip-hop band The Herd on the radio this morning. The song played was one of the irrational rants on the Rock Against Howard CD being (probably unlawfully) promoted on Triple J.

The lyrics included a reference to Nixon being one of the Prime Minister's favourites. Er no, that would be Labor leader Mark Latham who used to keep a portrait of Tricky in his Sydney office.

But I like Nixon for his resilience. Nixon always said in politics "You're never beaten until you give up. "It's never over until you quit" and Nixon was good at re-inventing himself. Whenever he had a hard time he'd come back into public life as the new Nixon. I like that idea of re-invention in politics and resilience. You've got some politicians who are just one-dimensional, we now call them white bread politicians - they all dress the same, look the same, talk the same. Nixon was this interesting combination of good and bad.

The name of The Herd track? 'Honest J.' The Herdsters even mention the PM's love of the old tracksuit. A hip-hop band! Heh. I mean yo! Or big ups! Or something.

Liars.

That Last Day

Finally, CBS capitulates. Sort of.

After days of expressing confidence about the documents used in a "60 Minutes'' report that raised new questions about President Bush's National Guard service, CBS News officials have grave doubts about the authenticity of the material, network officials said last night.

The officials, who asked not to be identified, said CBS News would most likely make an announcement as early as today that it had been deceived about the documents' origins. CBS News has already begun intensive reporting on where they came from, and people at the network said it was now possible that officials would open an internal inquiry into how it moved forward with the report. Officials say they are now beginning to believe the report was too flawed to have gone on the air.

But they cautioned that CBS News could still pull back from an announcement. Officials met last night with Dan Rather, the anchor who presented the report, to go over the information it had collected about the documents one last time before making a final decision. Mr. Rather was not available for comment late last night.

The developments last night marked a dramatic turn for CBS News, which for a week stood steadfastly by its Sept. 8 report as various document experts asserted that the typeface of the memos could have been produced only by a modern-day word processor, not Vietnam War-era typewriters.

The seemingly unflappable confidence of Mr. Rather and top news division officials in the documents allayed fears within the network and created doubt among some in the news media at large that those specialists were correct. CBS News officials had said they had reason to be certain that the documents indeed had come from the personal file of Colonel Killian.

Several people familiar with the situation said they were girding for a particularly tough week for Mr. Rather and the news division should the network announce its new doubts. One person close to the situation said the critical question would be, "Where was everybody's judgment on that last day?''

Good question.

UPDATE: The answer, such as it is.

Huffing And Puffing His Own House Down

Well, I just watched Opposition defence spokesman, Kim Beazley, give a tour de gust performance on ABC Lateline. You'd have to be in a tree-house somewhere in the Florida Keys to experience a windier bluster. I wrote earlier today of the Straits Times resurrecting the 'Deputy Sheriff' myth. Tonight Mr Beazley mentioned it as an example of John Howard's wrongheaded regional security policy.

Two sightings of the Dude in a single day!

Mr Beazley scoffed at suggestions that pre-emption could be justified if the Australian government became aware of the whereabouts and the malicious intentions of a terrorist group. He said we already know where the terrorist groups are and we already know they mean to harm Australians.

Three points:

• John Howard has never said he would order a strike on the training camps and bases of terrorist groups unless - to quote the Prime Minister - "there [was] going to be a terrorist attack on Australia and there was no alternative."

• Was Mr Beazley saying that a Labor government would not seek to destroy terrorists even if it had intelligence indicative of an imminent threat, which intelligence he alluded to on Lateline?

• Why the criticism of the government's plans for the F111 fleet? If there are not going to be pre-emptive strikes and if we are targeting small groups best intercepted by a Coast Guard, what tasks would a Latham government assign to the F111s anyway? Sending a Pig to bomb a fishing boat would be a little excessive even by Ghost of Gareth standards.

By running with the theme of a region now suspicious of Australia to the point of hostility, the Opposition is again imitating John Kerry who has continued to campaign on how much the world now loathes the United States.

It is a treacherous political methodology which - in the longer term - damages Australia by creating the impression of a polity in which one side should be favoured by foreign interests, the other denigrated. If the nation has to choose which overseas image it prizes most and which does the most to bolster Australia's own security - choosing from love or respect - then it should choose respect.

Mr Beazley boasted to Tony Jones tonight about how he jetted off to Indonesia to explain the Keating government's re-alignment of the ADF's focus to the North and the West. And Mr Howard is criticised for allegedly undermining Australia's conventions and the independence of its security institutions. The Prime Minister has never flown to Jakarta to explain the decisions of the sovereign government of the Australian people.

Amusingly - and qua John Kerry - Mr Beazley said people throughout the region were telling him about the "blowhardery" of the Howard government.

Rich.