Newsfactor:

Scientists looking for radio signals from extraterrestrials have zeroed in on one that has occurred three times since last year.

The signal that was picked up by the Arecibo radio telescope in Puerto Rico, does not carry the signature of any known astronomical phenomenon, and does not appear to be the result of natural interference or noise, according to researchers who have studied its frequency pattern.

The signal originated from the region of space between the constellations Pisces and Aries, researchers told New Scientist magazine. Scientists are cautious about ascribing it to extra-terrestrial life, as it appears to be coming from a point in space where there are no obvious stars or planets for 1,000 light years around, and the transmission is very weak.

I think it's gas.

A lot of people have typed quite a few words about the generally atrocious level of Olympic commentary, but the women's Marathon set a standard so low that even John Tesh's Lead Medal performance in 1996 looks positively Cosellian in comparison.

It wasn't just the inane babble, especially by the one commentator with the high-pitched and nasal voice, it was the sheer incompetance by the same commentator. The man couldn't even get the leader's name right for half the race. He kept referring to Mizuki Noguchi as "Tozu". It would be somewhat understandable if he were confusing Noguchi with one of her teammates, except that her teammate's name was Toza, not "Tozu". Everytime he said something like, "Tozu's looking strong" I kept asking, "Who the hell is Tozu?"

When he finally started to get her name right, he couldn't say "Mizuki Noguchi" without immediately adding her height and weight: 4' 11', 90 lb. As often as he said it, you'd think that was her name: Mizuki Noguchi Four-Eleven Ninety Pounds. It became a game with me as I watched. Every time he said "Mozuki Noguchi" I chimed in with "Four-Eleven, Ninety Pounds" and sure enough, the boob would not fail to disappoint in pointing out Noguchi's height and weight.

His buffoonery didn't stop there. When referring to one of the Kenyan runners and the training they endure, he asked, "The Kenyans are used to the hills, but can they endure the heat?" Gee, I don't know Numbnuts, Kenya's only on the freakin' equator.

Sometimes I wondered if he was even watching the same race as me. As the runners approached one of the water stations, he described the "precision" of these runners as they approached the tables to grab their water bottles --even comparing it to a NASCAR race-- as I watched three instant replays of a huge collision and pile-up of six or seven runners. Only at the very end of the last replay did the commentator apparently change channels to the actual, current Marathon race and weakly mention, "looks like something happened there."

Around the 19 Mile mark, the leader, Tozu --excuse me, Noguchi-- began climbing the last major hill of the race. This stretch was devoid of spectators as she ran in silence, and Nincompoop's partner suggested a "moment of silence" for this last hill. I watched Noguchi's ascent in total silence for about five seconds before Numbnuts finally chimed in to continue the non-stop babble. It was the best five seconds of the race.

While zooming about Tattooine on my swoop, I looked up and noticed something peculiar in the sky:

Boyo and I are heading out in the morning. Mom-in-law is no worse, nor any better, but Beautiful Wife wants me there...'nuff said.

Anybody know how I-80 is looking between Omaha and Ogden?

For quite a while now I've been making the point here and in comments in other blogs that the whole Viet Nam issue really doesn't matter. What happened 30 years ago doesn't mean as much to me as what's happening today and what the plans are for the future. I've referred to it as smoke and mirrors, look at this old issue, not at any of the new ones.

After reading this over at OTB and Mom's post over at SSDB yesterday, my mind is starting to change, and I'll tell you why. I asked myself how I would feel if I served with an officer who was a scumbag?

(Insert low-tech "Wayne's World" flashback device here...) (doodoodoodoolerup-doodoodoodoolerup-doodoodoodoolerup)

I remember a Captain that I worked for during Desert Storm. He didn't try to get Purple Hearts or Bronze Stars or any other medals other than the standard ones that folks at our site were getting. However, he didn't exactly hold himself up to the high standards that I have for Air Force officers either. He and his sidekick, another Captain, would often, if not daily, go over to the mailroom and dig through the "any service-member mail" to try and find "the good shit" before it was distributed to us lesser mortals. A Lt Col had to actually order them to cease and desist and let the postmaster hand those packages out randomly. After he lost his "mining rights" he took a new tact, he began to write to companies, actively soliciting free stuff from them. "I'm an American Service Member serving in Operation Desert Storm and I understand that your company has donated (insert your favorite kind of SWAG here) to other members serving in this conflict. I was wondering if you could send (SWAG) to my home address at...."

The icing on the cake, the twist of lime, the ice pick in the back, was when we reported for duty one morning and found out that the Captain had rotated back home. Why is that such a big deal? The Captain had promised us, formally, solemnly, and with great sincerity that all of us would go back to our home unit together, or none of us would go back at all. We were all good with that. One of the other SSgts had actually turned down the chance to go home a couple of weeks earlier because we all had made a pact based on the Captain's promise. There was no emergency situation; there was no screaming personnel shortage back home, our unit commander had simply sent a message requesting an estimated return date and status of his folks. The Captain, knowing how garbled message traffic could be, felt it was "his duty" to return with expedience and give a verbal report stating that he didn't want his report "edited" by the leadership in country...who, for some reason, seemed to have a less than favorable opinion of him. The fact that the Lt Col let him get away with this told us that he simply wanted the Captain GONE before he killed him. The Captain did generate strong feelings both up and down the chain of command.

There is a happy ending to this story. When we all got back to our home unit our Commander had each of us file a written, and, had a few of us give, a verbal after action report to him. He looked at a certain admin puke and asked him what knew about the good Captain's actions while we were deployed. It seems that our deployed Commander had sent a letter describing some of the Captain's actions and the suspicions about the SWAG letters. Being young and still appropriately terrified of this man's esteemed rank (COUGH---BULLSHIT---COUGH) that certain admin puke mentioned that there might actually be some electronic evidence of the good Captain's letter-writing campaign since the Captain had departed in the dark of night and in a hurry. The Commander looked at the certain admin puke carefully, "You mean he might have actually left those letters on a Government Computer?" (reaching into a pocket and removing two floppy disks, carefully laying them on the Commander's desk.) Yes sir, I believe all the letters are still on the Orderly Room Computer in the Command Hangar, the Captain never erased them. Ummm, but the Captain thought I might be interested in some of the SWAG and gave me copies of all the letters in case I wanted to try and get some of it. The Commander smiled, chuckled, shook his head, and looked at the young man, "He really done pissed you off didn't he, Son?" Yes sir, that he did. "Dismissed Sergeant...I'll take it from here."

(doodoodoodoolerup-doodoodoodoolerup-doodoodoodoolerup)

That Captain didn't make himself look better in combat, he didn't come back from the war and tell everyone we were war criminals, he simply tried to get a bunch of free shit for being a member of the Unitied States Air Force. He wanted more for doing his job than his paycheck and the thanks of a grateful nation. He was a slimeball and I'm quite certain that admin puke has NO regrets about dropping those disks on the boss' desk.

So ask me now if I think John Kerry's actions 30 years ago have anything to do with whether or not he should be President and all I can tell you is that if a certain older, more seasoned, admin puke were to find out that Captain was running for office somewhere, and trying to use his veteran status as a campaign point...he might just have to write a letter to that town's editor and tell this story again and possibly even use the man's name...and I would sign the letter, using my real name.

It's about character. That matters. I don't care how long ago it was, you simply can't act like an asshole and then not expect to be called on it. Actions have consequences. Though I usually pray for mercy and not for justice, I'm not saint myself, I do think we need to pay attention to the character of a man who wants to lead our nation.

I can't remember which blogger turned me on to Radio Paradise. I think it was someone over at Stryker's main site. Sparkey or Kevin Connors maybe. Anyway, if you like a weird variety of music, "eclectic" for you language lovers, I would strongly recommend you check it out.

Then again, anybody who plays Tom Waits version of "Jersey Girl" followed by Springsteen's "It's Hard to Be a Saint in the City" simply has a key into my mind that's sort of scarey. They often play a song I've never heard and I think, "Hey, you know what would sound good after that?" and then they freaking play it.

It's free, fully listener supported, there are NO commercials, and as soon as things settle down around here, I'm writing them a check...okay, maybe AFTER I get a better set of speakers for the home computer.

And btw, if you go low band at work, I'm betting your Sys Admin folks won't even notice...don't ask how I know that.

Playlist for the past hour:

9:47 pm - Coldplay - Moses
9:37 pm - Fluke - Kitten Moon
9:33 pm - Ween - The Argus
9:28 pm - Pink Floyd - Cirrus Minor
9:20 pm - Shpongle - Dorset Perception
9:14 pm - Super Furry Animals - Some Things Come From Nothing
9:10 pm - Sarah McLachlan - Hold On
9:07 pm - Neil Finn - Anytime
9:04 pm - Bruce Springsteen - It's Hard To Be a Saint in the City
8:59 pm - Tom Waits - Jersey Girl
8:52 pm - Monte Montgomery - When Will I
8:46 pm - Eliza Gilkyson - Dark Side of Town

Notice the long gaps between the beginnings of songs...they play LONG versions and instrumentals that you just don't hear on FM anymore.

Can you tell I like them? Good. Go check it out.

After verbally dissing this young lady at work for her sad performance in the team competition the other night, the least I can do is acknowledge yesterday's absolutely stunning redemption. And the lil gal actually SANG The National Anthem as it was being played. Consider me in full Wayne Campbell sublimation...I'm not worthy.

.
Things still aren't going well with my mom-in-law, but it looks like Boyo and I aren't heading out this weekend. Have at it.

Photo from Yahoo News.

The most pleasant surprise to come out of this Olympics is the Iraqi soccer team, who've managed to beat both Portugal and Costa Rica and who are headed to the medal round. The fact that they are in Athens at all is a victory in itself. This is a team that led a tortured existence under the twisted ogre Uday Hussein, and who've been denied an Olympic appearance since 1988. You won't find any multi-millionares on this team, nor will any of them be returning home to a waiting endorsement from Nike or Powerade. After this Olympics is over, they won't be the ones on the front of a Wheaties box. They don't enjoy training in state-of-the-art facilities or have a multi-million dollar Olympic program behind them. These are a bunch of guys from a war-torn and divided country playing as a unfied team on pride and determination alone. This is a team whose head coach resigned over death threats and who had to be airlifted out of Iraq by the Royal Australian Air Force.

In spite of all these obstacles, they've beat two world-class teams. This is a team of Shi'ites, Sunnis, and one lone Kurd, but that doesn't matter. They all wear the same uniform and they play for all of Iraq. Even if they don't medal, they've at least shown their countrymen the way to a unified and successful future. They've shown common Iraqis that despite the hardship and tough times, they can come together and really accomplish something. They're the real Dream Team, because they are the dream of a unified and strong Iraq made reality.

Go for the Gold guys. You've already earned it, no matter how the next matches turn out.

I'm not the world's biggest fan of gymnastics or any judged event, like diving and figure skating. Having no clock, ball, or any objective measure of scoring just doesn't seem right, but I have to commend gymnast Paul Hamm for both his winning attitude and sheer determination to keep going despite the obstacles. Read these comments:

"After the vault I was pretty down," Hamm said. "I thought I had cost myself a medal. But then I thought, if I dig down deep I could get a bronze. I was thinking maybe bronze or silver at that point. I didn't think I could come back."

...

"I've been through it before and I know you should never give up," Hamm said. "That attitude is what got me through. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders."

He wasn't the only American with that attitude. His teammate, Bret McClure, came in ninth, but he has the mental focus of a winner as well:

Teammate Brett McClure finished ninth, but he was in the running for a medal until the last rotation. "I didn't ever count myself out," McClure said. "I was ready to fight to the end."

That's the kind of thing I like to see. No matter how they placed, they both did their best and fought to win until the end. They dug deep to find that extra little bit to get the win. One man made it, the other didn't. But both proved themselves worthy of Team USA and the title, "Olympian."

That didn't stop the Romanians from whining, though. You can always spot a Loser, because they always blame something or someone else for their failure. In this case, they blamed the judges:

Some competitors complained Hamm may have benefited from generous judging. "I think the USA got something more than it deserved," said Romania's Ioan Suciu, who finished fourth.

Boo-fucking-hoo. Maybe if you spent more time trying to win than trying to blame everyone else, you'd have a medal around your neck. Loser.

The Parade of Whining doesn't stop there. The Koreans decided to get in on the bitchfest as well:

``It is quite possible the judges scored, consciously or not, in favor of Hamm,’’ Kim Sung-ho, manager of men’s technical committee at the Korea Gymnastic Association, told The Korea Times.

``t goes in two ways. They might have scored him in a sympathetic way after a star like Hamm tumbled in the vault event, and it cannot be overlooked that the United States is powerful in FIG (International Gymnastic Federation).’’

Kim also noted that the practice of favoring gymnasts from certain countries has a long history, citing Lee Joo-hyung’s case at the previous Olympics where two suspiciously low scores from the judges cost him a pair of gold


It should be noted that the actual Korean gymnasts, who won the Silver and Bronze, displayed impeccable sportsmanship:

``I only regret that my team couldn't share in the medal, and I am alone in enjoying this,’’ Kim said.

...

``Perhaps I got a little too confident and made mistakes,’’ Yang said. ``I apologize to my teammates.’’

Maybe next time, guys.

Something Has Gone Rotten (WoC)

Ah, the irony of American extremists reacting virulently to an American moderate, while at the same time wondering why Muslim moderates don't speak out against Muslim extemists.

You know, the recognition and appreciation of irony is one of those things that extremists everywhere seem to lack. Arabs, especially the chatty kind who are always making it into the newspapers, don't seem to be too aware of irony. They're also dreadfully serious about everything, including themselves. Boy, one little insult and they're all, "I will slit your throat with the knife of my fathers!" Okay, Mr. Tough Guy. If you get that butt-hurt over a minor insult or humorous jab, then you need to get yourself a pair of cajones quick. Grab a spine while you're at it, too. I tell you, Tough Guys over the world are all the same: Big Talkers who never got the whole, "...and names will never hurt me" part of that famous childhood rhyme. That's cool, though. As soon as you know that someone is that easy to beat, then you've already won. A biting wit, employed on a wimp with all the malice you can muster, is a truly beautiful thing. You're attacking their mind and their heart. There really is nothing like shredding a hapless Tough Guy until you reveal him to be what he truly is: a pussy who can't take a joke. Then you beat the shit out of him.

Maybe we should ridicule the Muslim extremists until they explode, preferably far away from large population centers. Don't forget to throw some love to our own nuts as well-- for equal opportunity's sake.

I've seen some outstanding performances by countries in events where they've traditionally fared poorly, and it's made the Olympics that much more enjoyable to watch. Normally, you can take a few events and rattle off the usual powerhouses. For example, in the aquatic events it's Australia and the United States. Women's Gymnastics: a random former Soviet country, Romania, and the United States. Basketball: Lithuania and the United States.

This year, though, I'm noticing that the U.S. isn't the dominant powerhouse it used to be and most of our Olympians are facing stiff competition in events where they traditionally do well. Take swimming, for instance. Japan and China have come almost out of nowhere to snag Gold in a couple of events, and Ian Thorpe of Australia is the man to watch. Unlike the overhyped Phelps, Thorpe is the man consistantly winning the Gold. In fact, the entire men's swimming team is weaker than previous teams I've seen at the Olympics.

Of course, Team NBA had their asses handed to them by Puerto Rico, and I doubt they'll medal in these Games. They'll probably win against Greece in their next game, but they've got Lithuania, Serbia, and a host of other European teams that are far superior both in combined talent and overall teamwork that they have to beat. Hell, even Argentina could beat this woeful gaggle of clowns.

The women's gymnastics team hasn't looked that great, either. I didn't see too many of them sticking their landings, plus most made huge errors in their events. Whether or not they get it together for the finals remains to be seen, but they looked like they were competing at a local college competition the other night, not the Olympics.

I expect athletes to turn it up a notch at the Olympics, and so far I haven't seen anything especially remarkable by the Americans, except in the USA-Japan softball game yesterday. The vibe that I'm getting from these athletes is a sense of entitlement. It's not as obvious and overt as it is from Team NBA, but it's there in the performances. It's a sub-conscious thing, I think, that becomes obvious during the events. I watched a women's volleyball match between the US and China that made it clear. The Chinese were diving for the ball and going the extra mile to get the save and the digs, while the Americans just kind of stood there, as if expecting the ball to magically come to wherever they were standing. I didn't see any hustle or desire to win from the Americans like I did from the Chinese, and that's been the story in almost every event so far. I root for the teams and individuals who act like they want to win and dig deep down to make it so. So far, I've been doing little rooting for Team USA.

I think these games will be a good wake-up call for the Americans. We've been dominant for so long that we've started taking things for granted. We don't dig deep for the win. We don't play to the last full measure of ability. We don't push our bodies past the limit of endurance to find that place where Olympians are born. The other countries are doing this, and combined with maturing programs, they are at or near parity with Team USA. I suspect we'll see these countries surpass the Americans at the next Olympics unless our athletes go beyond rote technique and gee-whiz technology and focus a little bit on the pure human determination and heart that separates the Olympian from the Champion. Maybe I was spoiled by the 1980 Hockey Team, who have been the standard by which all others are judged, but I think not. It's just that teams other than Team USA are meeting that standard.

Finally, special congrats to the Men's Gymnastics team who won Silver yesterday. I just finished watching the teleplay of their performance and they really stepped it up and did their country proud. Way to go!

UPDATE: That's more like it.

Hook's got a first hand account of a memorial service for a fallen soldier. Go...now...bring tissue unless you're a cold-blodded barbarian.

A bunch of people in America are asking the question, "Why can't Johnny shoot?"
(AP Photo)

I congratulate the Puerto Ricans on their victory and I'm rooting for every other team out there to kick these no-talent clowns in the nuts again and again. They're not worthy of wearing those three letters across their chest.

Wait a minute...there's been a knock at the door. Who is it? Oh, true American champions:



That was a team with the desire and heart to win-- and talent to boot, too. They represented their country, not themselves. Go home, Team NBA. You stink up the joint.

"There's no doubt in my mind that he could be a world class breast stroker if he just set sights on that."
--Some guy on NBC--

Athena Declares Joint to be "Primo Shit"


(AP Photo)

World's Largest Contact High Begins
Officials Fear Gyro Shortage

Second in a series...

I came to know and love the German Panzerfaust anti-tank weapon during the Pegasus Bridge mission in CoD. I had no idea this single weapon could make a Panzer explode with a mere single hit at any place on the tank's body. It would make sense if I achieved such spectacular results by firing a round at the Panzer's backside, though. Although heavily armored about its front and sides, the Panzer's rear was especially vulnerable, much like a Ford Pinto's. The Sherman, on the other hand, was a different story.

While the Panzer usually shrugged-off most of the Sherman's shells, a random shot by a Panzer could rip through a Sherman like it was made out of tinfoil. To make matters worse, a Sherman crew also had to worry about all those little Panzerfaust-carrying pricks, who were often difficult to see and hit. A Panzerfaust shot could really ruin a Sherman tanker's day. It took nerves of titanium to galavant across the European countryside in a Sherman tank, where everything from fearsome Panzers to errant .50 cal ricochets constantly threatened to blow your tank to smithereens.

But on this day at Pegasus Bridge, I was not a little kraut prick waiting in ambush for some unlucky Sherman to come rumbling by. I was a British sergeant employing pilfered weaponry to defend a critical bridge against a German assault on D-Day. The Germans, in blatant disregard of orders, were determined to kill my squadmates and I, and had brought four Panzer tanks along to help finish the job.

I have to admit that I never thought much of the Panzerfaust in previous WWII games, as it was usually modeled as an inaccurate weapon requiring multiple firings to destroy armored vehicles. Most of the time, I used it as an anti-personnel device, since it tended to act as a semi-targetable grenade. The COD manual, however, explicitly states that the Panzerfaust is a lousy anti-personnel weapon, but boy-howdy does it blow tanks up real good.

The Panzerfaust's mythic ability became immediately evident when I went to destroy my first tank. Quickly grabbing a Panzerfaust from behind a bunker, I made my way across Pegasus Bridge to the river's south bank. The Panzer sat a few dozen yards from me on the other side of some barbed wire and hedgehogs in full profile. Aw, yeah! I lined-up my shot, but at the last moment, I took a hit to my side, sending the targeting reticule a little off-center as I fired the weapon. As you can see in the following picture, it caused the Panzerfaust round to nick the backside of the tank's turret:



After seeing such a lousy shot, I'd normally hotfoot it back to my ammo stash and grab another round, but amazingly enough, the tank up and got destroyed:



It suddenly dawned on me that not only did I have a killer tank-weapon, I also held in my hands one of those fabled Nazi Wunderweapons! This was no ordinary Panzerfaust. No siree, Bucky! This was a Majikfaust: a charmed weapon wrought by the Norse gods for mere mortal heroes to smite their enemies. It's a good thing I was behind the Majikfaust on that pivotal June day in 1944, else some German schmoe would've single-handedly held-off the entire Allied assault on Normandy with his Thor-Powered Majikfaust. The Wunderweapon being in my posession, though, I quickly reloaded it and proceeded to destroy tank number two just as it passed from behind a concrete bunker to my left. I fired my shot, but I thought the round was so off the mark that I didn't bother grabbing a screenshot. My faith in the Majikfaust was apparently the size of a mustard seed, as the round grazed the Panzer's barrel and promptly blew-up the tank:



I will never doubt the Majikfaust again.

...and cable news shows as well:

"Pockets of superheated gas several times the size of Earth have been discovered swirling like bathtub drains high above the planet.

The vortices seem to suck high-energy particles from the Sun into Earth's otherwise protective magnetic shield. The finding should help solve a longstanding mystery.

The Sun spits out a constant stream of charged particles known as the solar wind. It travels at nearly 1 million mph and sometimes much faster. Earth's magnetic field blocks most of these particles, which slip past the planet around a teardrop-shaped magnetosphere."

Okay, guess not. Cursed Sol, we will have our revenge yet!

First in a series

(Note: I'm playing this game on the easiest level, which is what I always do on my first go-through. YMMV)

So far, the game is awesome, but the behavior of the enemy soldiers is frustrating. In most games, the enemy is an eager receptacle for my bullets or energy weapon of choice. They're lines of code wrapped in a polygonal avatar who's only purpose in life is to have their script terminated by me, and they usually execute their program by standing in one spot as I continuously perforate their bodies with hot metal death.

The German soldiers in Call of Duty, however, are hellbent on actually surviving. They duck. They move from barrier to barrier. They appear briefly to lay down suppressing fire (!!), then quickly hide behind a wall or embankment. It's like they don't want to die. What the hell is that all about? Your purpose is to die, Herr Mac. Why don't you just accept what cruel fate has wrought you to be and settle down for a second so I can fulfill your programming?

It's not so bad when I'm in a close-quarters firefight, as I can spray my bullets around and score a few hits here and there. I can deal with the German's propensity for excited movement in that case. However, the Germans become intolerable when I'm trying to aim down my site or through a scope so I can shoot a round into their digital brainpans. It takes a few seconds to get a good bead because the site is constantly moving around to mimic my heartbeat's effect on the rifle site, but when I finally get a good shot at the head, the damned Kraut's ducked or run off somewhere else. This must cease, so I've drawn-up a memo to the responsible parties to fix this errant behavior:

11 Aug 2004

TO: GERMAN HIGH COMMAND
FROM: JOHN STRYKER
506th PIR/B Company (VIRTUAL)
SUBJECT: GERMAN BEHAVIOR OBSTACLE TO SUCCESS

1. I have witnessed a disturbing tendency amongst German soldiers to evade their programmed orders, as well as my bullets, in combat situations. These actions include, but are not limited to, avoiding fire, maneuvering to advantageous firing positions, hiding behind stone walls and maintaining constant movement to evade incoming fire.

2. These actions directly inhibit the successful prosecution of the war. As the outcome of this war is predetermined in my favor, the actions of your soldiers needlessly prolong my inevitable victory. Your soldiers are programmed to die by my hand, and any action that delays the fulfillment of their program severely interferes with my personal life and the completion of the game of which they are a part.

3. I ask you to remind your soldiers of their duty by ordering them to sit still so I can kill them. Attached is a photograph demonstrating the desired behavior. Your assistance in this matter is greatly appreciated.

//SIGNED//
JOHN M. STRYKER, PVT, USA
PLAYER 1