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Monday, March 17th, 2003
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6:55 pm - This week's protest letter
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Looking for Hope
I don't have to harp on the severity of our world's situation - I know you are aware. We don't have U.N. support for this seemingly inevitable Iraqi war, we are ostracizing ourselves from long-standing allies (like France), and we're about to shed the blood of an already ravaged country. But let me make one thing perfectly clear: peace protestors, and those of us sending these activism letters, are NOT Saddam Hussein supporters. This is not a black and white issue, and it's ridiculous and fearful to draw parallels. We simply do not want to see people die so others in power can get richer. We didn't get him last time, and I'm certain this war will be no different. He will take refuge in his bunker, complete with a pool and bowling alley, and we will bomb people already abused and poverty-stricken, thanks to their fearless leader. This is NOT justice. This is murder, plain and simple.
The protests continued in large numbers again this weekend, complete with world-wide candlelight vigils, but we all know our trigger-happy president won't back down. Talking and Negotiating are apparently dirty words to him. Everyone's in such a humongous hurry to "get it all over with". Convicted murderers in our domestic justice system are allowed to fully exhaust the appeals process before their horrendous deaths, why can't we extend the courtesy of negotiations to innocent people as well?
Everything feels like it's falling to pieces. Please, be vocal for those of us who don't support this massacre. Make us feel like there's hope left - that a war with Iraq won't leave us all more vulnerable than ever. And please speak out against those who wish to stifle our views. It's ironic that some of the war supporters wish to silence the protestors, which is such a Totalitarian act, and in the same breath, "democratize" Iraq by bombing them to pieces. Democracy isn't embraced at home these days, so I have little faith that Iraq will benefit from our blood lust.
Make no mistake - I'm not so brash as to compare Bush to Hitler. Hitler, at least, was elected.
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| Monday, March 10th, 2003
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7:39 pm - Protest Part 5
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Be Not Afraid
It's been said a million times since Roosevelt's impassioned plea - "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." These days, nothing could be more pertinent.
I ask you, what does the White House expect it's citizens to do every time they raise that god-forsaken Terror Alert to piss-yellow or fiery-orange or (eek!) blood-red - run out and stock our shelves with duct tape, gas masks, and firearms? Duct tape that will completely shut out any natural light-source and allow us to wallow in our anxiety-stricken-the-world-is-ending nightmarish visions? Guns that, statistically speaking, are far more likely to be used against us than in defense of us? Gas masks that won't do a bloody thing to protect us from that oh-so-scary biological warfare? We are more likely to be struck down by lightning than to die by an attack of this nature. Yet we are asked to fear it as if it were as real as that idiot with a cell phone speeding past us on the freeway.
Our government is terrorizing us everyday. It's amazing what a marketing spin this entire war against Iraq really is - the PR department is having a heyday. We are led to believe that Iraq is THAT close to blowing us all to smithereens, even though the inspectors and the REST OF THE WORLD do not agree. But turn on any mainstream media outlet, and it's scare tactics galore. Which, of course, keeps the economy going - just barely, by the looks of things. Why is it OK for the government to wage this war based on false pretenses and scare tactics? Why is it OK that they're trying to scare us into submission?
Look, I'm the first to admit that Saddam is a colossal monster - he shouldn't be in power, this is true. But killing the innocents of Iraq (men, women, and children alike) is simply not an acceptable method of getting to the root of the evil. Especially when we haven't exhausted all other avenues - the inspectors want more time, they're feeling a bit optimistic - shouldn't we jump for joy and say yes, YES you can have more time before we kill thousands of people! Please, take all the time you need!
In one of the debates between Bush and Gore before the elections, our President talked the talk. He said, and I quote:
"If we're an arrogant nation, they'll resent us; if we're a humble nation, but strong, they'll welcome us. And our nation stands alone right now in the world in terms of power, and that's why we've got to be humble, and yet project strength in a way that promotes freedom."
Show me his humility right now, I beg you.
Make this man practice what he preaches, and make him stop trying to terrorize his own nation into submission. If you see what I see - an arrogant, violent, short-sighted bully with his guns blazing - help me fight to stop this war. The UN Security Counsel said No to his ridiculous war today - let's join the rest of the world in finding a peaceful resolution.
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| Monday, March 3rd, 2003
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7:12 pm - Weekly Protest Against the War
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First of all, here's a list of anti-war events happening this week:
visit www.winwithoutwar.com for more info
Youth/Student Walk-Out
3/5/03 WEDNESDAY
Students of the world are encouraged to skip school on Wednesday and hit the streets in protest of the war.
Emergency Petition
Ends 3/6/03 THURSDAY
Send the message to the U.N. that we support tough inspections, NOT a war – please please please sign the petition at www.moveon.org/emergency by Thursday - 85,000 have already signed, but more is needed – it takes 5 seconds, I swear!
New Ad Campaigns
There’s several new ads out there spouting our messages, featuring the likes of Marin Sheen, Jaenine Garrafolo, and more more more – go here to view and/or offer monetary support to produce more ads: http://www.winwithoutwarus.org/html/action.ads.html
Are you a musician?
A new group called Musicians United to Win Without War has formed – go here to view their statement or to join the cause: http://moveon.org/musiciansunited/
Michael Moore on Oprah!
He was apparently speaking out today about America’s violence, go here for the details:
http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/tows_2002/tows_past_20021101.jhtml
Women’s March on the White House
3/8/03 SATURDAY
Women across the country are joining forces on the steps of the White House to protest the war – go here for details: http://www.unitedforpeace.org/article.php?list=sub⊂=16
Emergency Coalition to Stop the War
3/15/03 NEXT SATURDAY
This is a big one, guys – it will take place simultaneously in DC, San Francisco, and LA – go here for the details: http://www.internationalanswer.org/campaigns/m15/index.html
I will remind you in next week’s letter, give locations, etc. – I’ll also be organizing an LA crew for those of you in this area – more to come next week. PLEASE PLAN TO BE THERE IF AT ALL POSSIBLE!!!!
Please, copy the letter below and send it to your congress members - it's from Terry Jones, of Monty Python fame, and it's absolutely brillant. This sums up the insanity like nothing else can.
See my previous posts for info no how to find the email addresses of your congress members. Let's fight the power!!!
A letter to the London Observer from Terry Jones (one of the Monty Python troupe).
Letter to the Observer
Sunday January 26, 2003
The Observer
I'm really excited by George Bush's latest reason for bombing Iraq: he's running out of patience. And so am I! For some time now I've been really pissed off with Mr Johnson, who lives a couple of doors down the street.
Well, him and Mr Patel, who runs the health food shop. They both give me queer looks, and I'm sure Mr Johnson is planning something nasty for me, but so far I haven't been able to discover what. I've been round to his place a few times to see what he's up to, but he's got everything well hidden. That's how devious he is. As for Mr Patel, don't ask me how I know, I just know -- from very good sources -- that he is, in reality, a Mass Murderer. I have leafleted the street telling them that if we don't act first, he'll pick us off one by one. Some of my neighbours say, if I've got proof, why don't I go to the police? But that's simply ridiculous. The police will say that they need evidence of a crime with which to charge my neighbours. They'll come up with endless red tape and quibbling about the rights and wrongs of a pre-emptive strike and all the while Mr Johnson will be finalising his plans to do terrible things to me, while Mr Patel will be secretly murdering people.
Since I'm the only one in the street with a decent range of automatic firearms, I reckon it's up to me to keep the peace. But until recently that's been a little difficult. Now, however, George W. Bush has made it clear that all I need to do is run out of patience, and then I can wade in and do whatever I want!
And let's face it, Mr Bush's carefully thought-out policy towards Iraq is the only way to bring about international peace and security. The one certain way to stop Muslim fundamentalist suicide bombers targeting the US or the UK is to bomb a few Muslim countries that have never threatened us.
That's why I want to blow up Mr Johnson's garage and kill his wife and children. Strike first! That'll teach him a lesson. Then he'll leave us in peace and stop peering at me in that totally unacceptable way. Mr Bush makes it clear that all he needs to know before bombing Iraq is that Saddam is a really nasty man and that he has weapons of mass destruction -- even if no one can find them. I'm certain I've just as much justification for killing Mr Johnson's wife and children as Mr Bush has for bombing Iraq. Mr Bush's long-term aim is to make the world a safer place by eliminating 'rogue states' and 'terrorism'.
It's such a clever long-term aim because how can you ever know when you've achieved it?
How will Mr Bush know when he's wiped out all terrorists? When every single terrorist is dead? But then a terrorist is only a terrorist once he's committed an act of terror. What about would-be terrorists? These are the ones you really want to eliminate, since most of the known terrorists, being suicide bombers, have already eliminated themselves. Perhaps Mr Bush needs to wipe out everyone who could possibly be a future terrorist? Maybe he can't be sure he's achieved his objective until every Muslim fundamentalist is dead? But then some moderate Muslims might convert to fundamentalism. Maybe the only really safe thing to do would be for Mr Bush to eliminate all Muslims?
It's the same in my street. Mr Johnson and Mr Patel are just the tip of the iceberg. There are dozens of other people in the street who I don't like and who -- quite frankly -- look at me in odd ways. No one will be really safe until I've wiped them all out. My wife says I might be going too far, but I tell her I'm simply using the same logic as the President of the United States. That shuts her up.
Like Mr Bush, I've run out of patience, and if that's a good enough reason for the President, it's good enough for me. I'm going to give the whole street two weeks -- no, 10 days -- to come out in the open and hand over all aliens and interplanetary hijackers, galactic outlaws and interstellar terrorist masterminds, and if they don't hand them over nicely and say 'Thank you', I'm going to bomb the entire street to kingdom come.
It's just as sane as what George W. Bush is proposing -- and, in contrast to what he's intending, my policy will destroy only one street.
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| Monday, February 24th, 2003
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7:12 pm - Protest for week of 2/24/03
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Hi everyone –
I’m a day late this week, but I’m not giving up the fight!
To those of you new to this list, welcome – this is my weekly activist letter. I am asking each of you to read (modify should you wish) and send this letter to your congress reps (information on finding your senators is listed below if needed). As you all know, the world is becoming a crazy and frightening place, but we do have the power to stop the madness.
I’ve got some information on upcoming protests – please participate if you can! Obviously, some of these truly depend on your geographical location J
2/26 VIRTUAL PROTEST The anti-war movement is asking us to log in and speak out THIS Wednesday – the idea is to flood our government agencies with our peaceful protests, making it very clear that the people do not want this war. If you’d like, save this letter for a send-off on this date. Visit www.moveon.com/winwithoutwar for more details!
For info on all of the following, visit www.unitedforpeace.com :
3/1 AFRICAN AMERICANS PROTEST The African American community is speaking out for peace on the steps of the State Department
3/5 STUDENT/YOUTH STRIKE Skip school (yay!) and work (yay again!) and instead, take to the streets to protest this war!
3/8 WOMEN RALLY Women for peace are rallying on the steps of the White House
This week, once again, the letter I’ve listed below is a protest to the seemingly imminent war. Please, if you can, take the time to simply visit your senator’s email form, cut and paste, and send this off. We need to keep the pressure on.
Finally, if you'd like to get this in email each week, email me at: Tina.Courtney@dig.com and you shall be added to le list.
Thank you for caring.
2/24/03
The Brave New Democracy
Just one week ago, millions of people worldwide hit the streets loud and proud to protest this impending war. And what was our president’s reaction? A flippant dismissal. When asked if the size of the protests bothered him at all, he stated “Size of protest, it’s like deciding, ‘Well, I’m going to decide policy based up on a focus group. The role of a leader is to decide policy based upon security – in this case – security of the people.”(1) So millions of people are a focus group? And has he ever heard of democracy – the will of the people? He also stated that “War is my last choice.” But when has he ever offered any other options?
11 out of the 15 U.N. Security Council members favor continuing the inspections for at least 5 more months (2). Without U.N. support, America must not only become the over-anxious, arrogant world-bully, but we must also foot the bill for the war and the aftermath.
It was confirmed today that our president and his groupies have racked up an additional deficit of $97.6 billion dollars in the first four months of fiscal year ’03 (3). Add that to last year’s $615.3 billion, and it equals complete disaster. Remember the four consecutive years we had a surplus? I’m sure he’d rather us forget.
The United States cannot afford this war. Not on an economic level, and certainly not on a moral level. Iraq’s population consists of more than 1.2 million children under the age of 5. In the event of a full-scale war, these children would be at serious risk of severe malnutrition, suffering, and a slow and painful death.(4) And without U.N. support, we won’t even have the funds to offer them aid. We are proposing to devastate their people, without any hope of aftermath assistance. And in the meantime, our own problems pile up like trash bags in a landfill, all but ignored by our fearless leader.
Please, Senator, be as loud as we need you to be. This past week, US Senator Robert Byrd made an impassioned and brilliant speech on the senate floor, imploring his peers to start fighting back. His speech, as you know, outlined the atrocities that are about to occur, stating that until that moment, the senate had been “paralyzed by our own uncertainty, seemingly stunned by the sheer turmoil of events.” Don’t be paralyzed any longer – speak out against these unfathomable wrongs. I will close with his closing – it is the perfect summary of our current tasks:
“To engage in war is always to pick a wild card. And war must always be a last resort, not a first choice. I truly must question the judgment of any President who can say that a massive unprovoked military attack on a nation which is over 50% children is ‘in the highest moral traditions of our country’. This war is not necessary at this time. Pressure appears to be having a good result in Iraq. Our mistake was to put ourselves in a corner so quickly. Our challenge is to now find a graceful way out of a box of our own making. Perhaps there is still a way if we allow more time.”
(1) Bush: Protests won’t Change Iraq Policy, Associated Press URL: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=514&e;=3&cid;=514&u;=/ap/20030218/ap_on_go_pr_wh/us_iraq
(2) Britain Submits Iraq Resolution to U.N., Associated Press URL: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=514&e;=1&cid;=514&u;=/ap/20030224/ap_on_re_mi_ea/un_iraq
(3) U.S. Deficit Hits $97B in First 4 Months, Associated Press URL: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=536&e;=2&cid;=536&u;=/ap/20030224/ap_on_go_ca_st_pe/treasury_budget
(4) More Than One Million Children At Risk in Iraq Invasion, OneWorld US URL: http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=655&e;=3&cid;=655&u;=/oneworld/20030218/wl_oneworld/1032_1045566224
Information on your senators:
CALIFORNIA SENATORS: Barbara Boxer: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=358&type;=CO&state;=CA Diane Feinstein: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=347&type;=CO&state;=CA MARYLAND SENATORS: Barbara Mikulski: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=287&type;=CO&state;=MD Paul Sarbanes: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=286&type;=CO&state;=MD WASHINGTON SENATORS: Maria Cantwell http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=11025&type;=CO&state;=WA Patty Murray: senator_murray@murray.senate.gov NEW YORK SENATORS: Hillary Clinton: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=10902&type;=CO&state;=NY Charles Schumer: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=402&type;=CO&state;=NY STATE OFFICIALS: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/dbq/officials/?lvl=L
OTHER INFO: www.congress.org
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| Sunday, February 16th, 2003
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4:22 pm - No Blood for Oil!
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Hi everyone –
Welcome to my first installment– this is my weekly activist letter. I am asking each of you to read (modify should you wish) and send the letter below to your congress reps (information on finding your senators is listed below if needed). As you all know, the world is becoming a crazy and frightening place, but we do have the power to stop the madness. This will be a weekly offering from yours truly, please send me your topic requests anytime. This weekend I attended the LA peace rally, and it was a profound experience. LA proved, along with the rest of the world, that we are not apathetic, and that we do not support this senseless violence. Over a million people world wide marched this weekend – and you know for every one of them, there are 1,000 people at home cheering quietly as well. It was so amazing to share a unified cause with 100,00+ people – and the signs, they kicked ass. Some of my favorites included “Drop Acid, Not Bombs”, “No more Bushit”, “Bush Sucks Dick Cheney”, and of course, our battle cry, “No Blood for Oil.” This week, the letter I’m attaching is a protest to the seemingly imminent war. Please, if you can, take the time to simply visit your senator’s email form, cut and paste, and send this off. We need to keep the pressure on.
Finally, if you know ANYone that shares our humanitarian passions, PLEASE send me their email address. Even if you think I might already have them on the list, send it anyway. I promise I won’t send spam :)
Thanks you guys – much love to you all.
THE LETTER:
2/16/03
Unified, Strong, and Anything But Silent
This past Saturday, the silent majority stood up across the globe and demanded to be heard. From Syria to London, Los Angeles to New York, people rallied in the streets in record numbers to stand up for peace. London’s turnout, over 750,000 protestors by modest estimates, is a new record for their country. They are asking Tony Blair to honor what the people of that nation believe is right and just – they want him to back down and find a peaceful end to this conflict.
And here’s a news flash: so do the people of America.
According to the latest New York Times/CBS News poll, 59 percent of Americans believe the president should let the inspectors continue to do their jobs. Moreover, 63 percent believe that Washington should not act without the full support of the United Nations (1). Yet the war-hungry band marches on. Despite insistence from France, Germany, China, and Russia that the UN inspectors be given more time to analyze what weapons, if any, Iraq is hiding (2), despite the insistence from UN inspectors that no weapons of mass destruction have yet to be discovered, and despite the insistence of hundreds upon thousands of citizens across the world to find a peaceful resolution, Mr. Bush and his bloodthirsty followers continue the quest to annihilate a nation of individuals based solely on the possibility that they may have weapons.
Is it right to maim and murder thousands of women and children without any proof of potential threat? Because make no mistake, we are set to kill hundreds of thousands of people – one for every peaceful protestor that took to the streets this week, and potentially thousands more. And without the support of the U.N. and NATO, it will be nearly impossible to offer assistance in rebuilding Iraq once we’re finished blasting it to bits. Bush has created a massive, multi-billion dollar deficit here on the homefront- we certainly cannot offer the financial backing to rebuild Iraq that would be our moral obligation. Nor could we ever restore the loss of life both sides would undoubtedly suffer.
The people of spoken – we don’t want this war. Please, Senator, be our voice on Capitol Hill and demand an end to this despicable display of bloodlust and greed. Tell our president that the voice of the people does still matter, and that we won’t sit back and let him dump the blood of thousands onto our unwilling hands, just to transfer a few thousand barrels of oil into his pocketbook. We are wise, we are compassionate, and we won’t be silenced.
(1) See the New York Times article “Poll Shows Most Want War Delay” http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=68&e;=2&cid;=68&u;=/nyt/20030214/ts_nyt/poll_shows_most_want_war_delay
(2) See the Associate Press article “Major Powers Insist on Iraq Inspections” http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&ncid;=514&e;=1&cid;=514&u;=/ap/20030214/ap_on_re_mi_ea/un_iraq
CALIFORNIA SENATORS:
Barbara Boxer: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=358&type;=CO&state;=CA
Diane Feinstein:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=347&type;=CO&state;=CA
MARYLAND SENATORS:
Barbara Mikulski:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=287&type;=CO&state;=MD
Paul Sarbanes:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=286&type;=CO&state;=MD
WASHINGTON SENATORS:
Maria Cantwell
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=11025&type;=CO&state;=WA
Patty Murray:
senator_murray@murray.senate.gov
NEW YORK SENATORS:
Hillary Clinton:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=10902&type;=CO&state;=NY
Charles Schumer:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/mail/?id=402&type;=CO&state;=NY
STATE OFFICIALS:
http://www.congress.org/congressorg/dbq/officials/?lvl=L
OTHER SENATORS:
www.congress.org
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| Tuesday, March 12th, 2002
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5:11 pm - Cat Noir
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It's official- we have now adopted cat #3. He's a stunning year old panther-look-a-like named Noir. Poor dear was a stray caught in the shelter, about to be euthanized, and we saved him on Saturday. He's a beauty- a calm, soft spirited fellow with glowing yellow eyes- a real Halloween cat :) Anyway, he had to be neutered yesterday (I know, I'm an evil mommy), and is at home getting used to his new surroundings. I won't let the other cats interact with him until he's a bit settled, but Nala (my youngest, fiesty, bitch of a tabby) was growling and howling last night- she caught his scent and is having none of it. It will be a difficult task to integrate Noir into a home with two girls, but it's all for Fernie- he finally has his feline buddy. Drama abounds, but I accept it all. Can't wait to go home and smooch on my new furball. He doesn't know it, but he hit the jackpot.
That's what I like to focus on these days- the innocence of oblvious creatures. Watching them interact and exist is my idea of meditation.
Yes, I'm going to be that freakish old rickity lady down the street who has a house full of cats. I accept my destiny.
current mood: good
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| Thursday, March 7th, 2002
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4:08 pm - 2 Journals for the Gemini
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I have been cheating on my journal. Since the glorious purchase of Raven the Laptop, I have been typing away in complete and utter solitude on an unviewed, ultra-private real-life diary. Here, I wax the political and the poetic, there I'm brutally honest about my flaws and dreams. I'm a Gemini, you see- there are 2 of me. Actually, I think I'm a Gemini with split personalities, so who knows how many freaks lurk inside this shell.
I think I'm getting carpel tunnel in my right hand. It's from my incessant mousing. How is a girl supposed to properly masturbate with a friggin' SORE RIGHT HAND? :P And don't say use the left hand, it's for decorational purposes only, thank you.
I got to see my heart on a monitor last friday. Doc says I have a heart murmur, so I went in for some tests. They did an ultrasound (no, I'm not pregnant, sheesh), and there it was, beating away on screen. I won't know what's causing my problems for a few days- it could be a normal "don't worry about it" issue, it could be serious. I won't stress too much just yet. I will say it looked fabulous on screen. A super star, if you will.
Abby, this is for your benefit: I've had a string of star sightings lately, which is always a perk of living in tinsel town- to see what people really look like off camera. Here's what I can tell you: Leah Remini (from The King of Queens)-- a super cutie. And what a chest *smile* Emilio Estevez- Has super great taste in music, but not so much in women. Seems like a very nice guy (I sat next to him for hours, I did get a good read). Gary Oldman: Looks like HELL in person, but my gosh, what else would we expect? He was a vision. A big moment for me.
That new Hollywood and Highland complex on the Boulevard is fucking outragous. I mean, gawds, it's just gorgeous, this new super complex that is supposed to make Hollywood grand again. Mission accomplished, I guess- my only gripe: This new super-fancy megaopolis has the same damn stores every other mall boasts. Oh look honey, they have a Starbucks AND a Gap! What a fucking TREAT!
I'll be running away now.
current mood: mischievous
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| Friday, February 22nd, 2002
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10:22 am - Just Write a Seething Rock Record
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I was such a naive little slug. But the combination of September through today and the recent Olympic events have just made everything so crystal clear. There is an over abundance of seething hatred and anger on this planet, and I just can't get my head around it. I just read about how 16,000+ angry Koreans are protesting and threatening people over the short track Speed Skating gold medal race, where an American (poor Ohno) won after the Korean was disqualified. The judge who made the call was Australian, yet everyone still blames American because, and I quote "All the judges and referees are slaves of America". The thing is, had the situation been reversed, Americans would have acted just as petty and boo-hooed endlessly too, I have no doubts. And now the Russians are threatening to sue and back out of the games because, according to them, they've been wronged over and over again. It's not that their athletes aren't superior this time around, it's that the judges suck. This is so fucking high school, only these are people representing entire nations and acting like spoiled little brats. Disgusting and ridiculous. Why not sound off about the real injustices, the human rights fiascos that take place EVERY FUCKING DAY, by America, Korea, Russia and then some. Use your energies to fire up the masses about true tragedies, not who gets what precious fucking metal. Our priorities are so completely and totally skewed, on such a macrocosmic level. I'm saddened and a little woozy. Blech.
current mood: distressed
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| Wednesday, February 13th, 2002
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4:21 pm
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I am so fucking sick of the back-stabbing anxiety-filled days at the office. Word has it April will bring another round of lay-offs, and if so, I'm in serious danger. Suddenly we're all trying to tread on everyone else's responsibilities, stealing the limelight at virtually any cost. It's becoming a Notice Me! environment, and I feel like we're a grown-up day care. This kind of stress (weighing on us all like lead blankets) has been present for over a year now, and it's getting old and tiresome. I suppose I'll just update my resume, get my ass into work early and stay late whenever possible, and put on my game face like a good little worker bee. So much for enjoying one's job.
I did do a bit of writing last night on Raven, my beloved laptop, and while it wasn't horrible, I was tearful as I pondered the possibility that my gift has left me. I have moments where I truly believe I can't write like I used to, that I'll never be as eloquent or profound as I once was. That maybe I should give up this writing dream. But right now I think that's rubbish. I'm sure I killed more than a handful of brain cells with my eccentric chemical dabbling, but I also heightened my life experiences and my senses as well. I'm hoping it's a trade-off that won't mean the end of my masterful writing days. I hope I only killed the part of my brain that was sincerely concerned with grammar :)
As long as I keep some semblance of control in mi vida loca, I'll be ok. I'm glad the rumor mill shoved the latest nasty work news on me- if it's even slightly true, I won't be blind-sided. There's nothing I hate more than an un welcomed surprise.
There now, I do feel a tiny bit better. Back to writing text for these Mermaid trading cards......
current mood: determined
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| Sunday, February 10th, 2002
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12:14 pm - Downtown's Wild Ride
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So my cozy little LA loft has been the scene of some fierce little fights this last week, but I think now we're OK again. I have learned some lessons in this round of Husband fighting- I'm freaking dramatic little pill. I often do not have the patience for any flaws or negative energies, even thought I myself am overflowing with both. If Husband gets cold and pissy (and trust me, no one can be a more fierce and walled up person than my fiery Cuban boy) then I get completely intolerant, and treat every little word as the final straw. When we fight, in my mind I'm installing divorcing him, thinking that I'm worth more, that I won't stand for this, etc. I have to except that there will be many moments without harmony, and that we will *gasp* disagree, and that sometimes he'll be an ass hole and I'll be a spoiled little brat. But since we've been through a couple of tough periods, at least now I know that these things can pass. Marriage is fucking rough, and really, I am a fly away girl- I used to give up too easily and look for a less conflict-laden path. But I won't give up on this one, no matter how dramatic my thoughts tend to be. I positively hate our bad times, but at least now I have a laptop to escape in. Her name is Raven. I am finally OK.
current mood: contemplative
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| Monday, February 4th, 2002
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12:28 pm - Now Shut-up and Write
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I am still in a state of disbelief, but the e-mail says it all - my *new* computer is being shipped to me right this second. I finally found THE one yesterday- a used but pristine Mac Powerbook laptop- just like Carrie Bradwshaw on Sex in the City. I'm actually shakin' just a little bit. This is a mega-moment. And see, the pressure's on now, big time, because I've been justifying my lack of written purging by saying it's all because I don't have a computer to call my own. I sit at a work machine all day (hi, I'm there now *wave*) but I can't put my personal poetics there. Hubby and I have a stunning g4 desktop at home, but he's a designer, and therefore on Victoria (her name) allllll night. Plus, on the rare chance I do take over, I can't spill the honest truth on a shared machine. He would never violate my privacy (unlike a certain ex who destroyed my work in the past), but it's still a sub-conscious acknowledgement, and I can't cross the line to real soul searching when other eyes just might find their way in. But now, no excuses. When my baby arrives on Wednesday, it's time to shut the fuck up and get to writin'. It's been 2 years since I've been a regular word smith. Shit, I hope I still have it in me. This g3 will be my savior or my downfall. I'm putting my money on poetic ponderings and drug culture novels. I am just SO ready for this.
current mood: giddy
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| Saturday, February 2nd, 2002
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11:28 am - The Valley of Stop Signs
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I need to stop jeopardizing my dreams. I have a way with ruining that which I most desire. Popping mini-snickers every 5 minutes when I really truly dream of being very fit and healthy. Turning on the tube at home to veg when I really truly dream of being a successful writer. I suppose I lack focus and a little bit of will. But not so terribly that I believe it's unstoppable.
I think I'm guilty of impulsiveness with a dash of laziness. I work hard, I work out, I try to do allllll the bloody hell "right" things, so I feel like I should reward myself with junk food and TV. I think that's what has to change- the notion that these things are rewards, instead of freaking wastes of time. A little TV each week, a handful of m&m;'s now and then (can you tell I have a sweet tooth? eeek.), and that's that. I need to get back into a real working out groove- that hasn't happened since my car accident. At least I've been consistent with my journal posts. *Pat on back* for the minor victories.
So enough boohooing about an extra pound and a wasted moment. I'm still saving (almost there!) for the laptop, and I have promised myself that will be a turning point. And I can start right this miniute getting back on track with a healthy diet and some major gym-time. My dreams may be silly to some, but I need to feel like I can accomplish these things. A muscular poet. Yup, that's gonna be me. *smile*
current mood: determined
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| Tuesday, January 29th, 2002
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1:37 pm - It'll Be 2 at 1:30 A.M.
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We're still total newlyweds (which I hope to say when I'm 60). Tonight marks our 2 year meeting mark- we met exactly 2 years ago at a dingy little club in a nasty part of LA, sitting out back waiting for our drugs to kick in. God, that sounds so bad, but I can't lie- that was the scene. So we celebrate - he took me out last night (he's got class tonight, so we cheated and went early) and it was wonderful. So nice that we both adore celebrating all the little milestones. Anyway, I just wanted to mark the important date officially.
And I'm fucking anxious for Greece, can I just tell you? By the time May hits, I'll be so desperate for a getaway I could combust before the flight takes off. I sense the responsibility train barreling down the track. It's going to hit me smack in the face and I'm going to flip it off. Argh. Oh, and more fun news. Went to the doc for a physical yesterday, and lo, what is that- a heart murmur! We need tests, young lady, and lots of them! So back I go in 2 weeks to make sure it's "nothing major". Which, considering it's my heart, is a teeny disconcerting. I'll say what all soon-to-be-diagnosed terminal folks say. "I'm sure it's nothing". Naw, drama aside, only a sliver of me is going to worry. The rest will take it as it comes. OK now. Work is coming. *sigh*
current mood: okay
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| Friday, January 25th, 2002
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10:00 am - This Deserves a Frame
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I have a peace, swirls of composure and a general exceptance of everything today. Me, my imperfect but improving body, my imperfect but yet amazing marriage, my imperfect but dignified job- the whole picture is coming into focus. It's not the Mona Lisa. But I would hang it in my living room anyday.
I love the soreness in my muscles, the ache the springs up when I move my triceps and back. The burning, those muscles rubbing against each other- it's almost as if they'll catch fire. But I love the pain- it's congratulatory, as I'm back in the gym and back to doing good things for myself. I still have this dream, however shallow, of being that trim, lean frame that makes me proud and awestruck when I imagine what I can accomplish. I'm trying. And still shopping for the perfect laptop in my price range, because as I rode to work this morning, I thought to myself how I Do have important things to say, I Do have unique points of view, I Do have a voice that could echo for years. So I'll try. For an audience of one or one million, that, too, doesn't matter. Not today.
current mood: peaceful
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| Wednesday, January 23rd, 2002
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10:10 am - Get Over It
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I'm so fucking nit-picky. But I seriously can't stop it. I hate how he parks past the crosswalk lines at every freaking stop light, inching further forward in his impatience as he waits for the light to turn green. I hate that he uses his horn as a communication tool, and that he honestly said this morning "It makes people move faster." We were in a traffic jam. Caused by a car accident. There were fire engines blocking the road. And no one moved faster on account of his blaring horn. He's a bull. A Taurus. I love this and hate this. It makes him inpatient and narcissitic at times, wanting everything his way and NOW. But he's also the most trustworthy soul I have ever known, completely devoted and totally reliable. I will always take the good with the bad. But I reserve the right to bitch in here whenever I need to. *smile*
current mood: distressed
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| Monday, January 21st, 2002
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12:43 pm - Mykonos, Midnight, #27
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I did it. I booked our flights to Greece. Our much awaited honeymoon- we're leaving the end of May for Athens and will do a little island hopping too. I'll likely spend my 27th birthday at some club in Mykonos- so surreal and poetic. I'm also buying a digital camera and a laptop prior to the expedition so I can properly log this most momentous experience. I'm so excited I was flapping around my loft like a seagull yesterday, cooing and giggling and skittering around merrily. Hubby and I, before the marriage, busted out the world atlas with this challenge: find the most romantic honeymoon destination in the world. I think the Greek Islands are just the ticket, and now we have them. Wow all over the place.
current mood: ecstatic
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| Monday, January 14th, 2002
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12:15 pm - Psy-licious
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Psytrance is musical perfection. I discovered it a couple of years ago by buying some cheap ass CD on eBay. It's a genre of electronica that hails from Israel, primarily, but the Germans have jumped on too. Americans, as usual, are a tad slow to the trend. Psytrance is for acid users what progressive is for Ecstasy users- the ultimate euphoria. This is the stuff that lead me on a wild and wonderful New Year's Eve 2001 journey in new York city, when I had a beautiful view of the skyline from an abandoned warehouse in Brooklyn. Back then, I did a tab to enhance the journey. On Saturday, it was a sober expedition, but much closer to home.
Much to my absolute elation, Psytrance finally found it's way to LA this weekend, and I was there with bells on. It was everything I wanted- that incredible, driving, absolutely fierce music, coupled with trippy glowy visuals and the best party-goers in the world- happy, *full* of energy, and so fucking friendly. The crowd was mostly Israeli and foreign, but I saw many pasty white Americans totally getting their groove on- myself included. It was AMAZING, and this event has restored my faith in LA party life. I'm back with a vengeance. I chose to be sober on Saturday and am quite proud and happy with that decision- me and hubby had the grandest time and had no trouble sleeping afterwards :) So, for the first time in eons, I'm refreshed by a weekend- enough to face another 9-5 week.
I also watched a lovely Swedish film called Insomnia. A disturbing reality play with a twisted plot that left me ooing over the script- excellent stuff. And it turns out Christopher Nolan, the genius behind Momento, is doing an English version sometime this year too. Yay for that.
I am so thrilled to be feeding my soul with lots of creative sources- from music to books to movies. I have realized it's a necessity for me more than others and will definitely indulge more this year. It feels good to be fed. And thus, I'll one day be the feeder. Baby steps, kitten- baby steps.
current mood: full
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| Thursday, January 10th, 2002
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5:21 pm - Banana-Flavored George
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I just found out I'm banana-flavored and I'm most like the George Beatle. Why do I indulge in these silly online surveys? The funny part is George is not my fav Beatle and I really don't like bananas. I guess I have issues with myself as well. Hmmm.
Interesting, that people say we only have one life. . .seems that even in my short lifetime I've experienced several. I've morphed quite a few times, and it's wonderful to look back at past lives. The girl before 9/11 was too pre-occupied with mundane boohoo's and office bullshit. I remember her. The girl 5 years ago, a borderline suicidal self-destructing acid head, she wasn't fond of reality and didn't spend much time here. I remember her too, wrapped in pink clouds and drifting on park benches, talking to flicking lamp posts. And yes, they talked back. The girl in high school, she was every personality under the sun. Finding the life she would lead- at least for a year or two. But I don't think she was banana-flavored. I would remember that. And now, now she's short haired and confident and sassy and wanting to be stylish, toned, focused, and massively productive. Working out nightly, writing and reading and talking and on the move- no more mega-loaf sessions.
I can't wait for the life where I get to be a grave digger. That'll be a gas.
current mood: productive
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| Tuesday, January 8th, 2002
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9:45 am - It Begins With a Notebook
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Real quick like-
Cliched as it is, I'm thrusting into my dreams today- yes, it's a new year, and perhaps that's what's inspired me. Spent a little time outlining the book I shall write this year, and throwing around short story and poetry ideas as well. I will be published. I will be a stay-at-home-work-for-my-fucking-self writer. I know I'm not destined to tiptoe through this corporate maze. So there you go. Back in the gym, back to my muse.
Oh, and the hair's gone. I cut over 12 inches of my locks off on Saturday- went from having a head full of long merlot colored hair to a super short sassy honey/tangerine/fire red/copper colored do. It's absolutely the most drastic change I could of tackled, and I'm crazy happy. Exposed and glowing.
I have returned. In so many ways.
current mood: rejuvenated
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| Thursday, January 3rd, 2002
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11:27 am - Fresh and New
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I'm still on vacation (can I get a YAY!) but back on the homefront. The holidays were swell. Hubby and I jetted to New Orleans for a new year get-a-way, and I'm in love in love in love. Again. I've been to NO before, but this time was so much more enchanting than the last (maybe because it wasn't heavy with August humidity and crazy-awful-heat)- the truth is, if it wasn't for the harsh elements in the sumsum, we'd move there. The haunted french creole streets, the history, the character and friendliness- I absolutely love it there. I want my own little creole house with a wrought iron balcony and a few ghosts. I do I do.
But I'm home now, and like the rest of the planet, I'm banking on this year to be oh-so-much better than the last. Peaceful would be grand. As my life to me revolves around travel, I have Atlanta, Greece, and Seattle to look forward to this year, plus the yearly (or more) Vegas jaunt. Alllll good. Greece, that will be a dream come true. I'll be there for the 27th birthday. On Santorini, I hope. Naked, perhaps. Heehee.
Anyway, gotta clean the house, it's that time. Happy New Year's all around.
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