Thursday, October 16th, 2003
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3:16 pm
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last night was fun. not balls out wildness but some good laughs with new people is always appreciated. hung out at the grape (blech) with larry (yay we're friends again and keep hugging and saying 'yay we're friends again')for karoke night (double blech except for when Budda rocked any of his song choices and when Chuckie sang "Fly Me to the Moon").
Damn Marlins. and now tonight I am staying in to watch the devils game. may be lured out for post game drink with carianne but not if larry comes over and brings me food like he said he would drunkenly last night. have no desire to squeeze myself into a room and deal with yankees fans.
had a long session of messenging w/ T. mostly about anal and dp. yesterday it was about porn. i love my phone b.c i can use AIM from the comfort of my bed.
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Wednesday, October 15th, 2003
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11:42 am
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I'm beginning to think Mr.Wrong is done with me. Kind of sucks since I was having fun even if tortured emotionally. Maybe this cold shoulder is part of the whole process & my week away will do lots for me at least since I won't be able to pester him via emails on a daily basis. Besides it was always supposed to be a once a month kind of thing so I shouldn't be feeling this abandoned.
Did he realized that I truly am more trouble than I'm worth? Was I not providing the release he was looking to get through me?
Did he keen that I was faking some of the bits? That I was more tired and wanting to lie down than taking displeasure in what he was doing to me?
current mood:  discontent
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Tuesday, October 14th, 2003
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8:06 pm
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I wanted to go home. To get offline. To leave the library. Resolute was I to shower and feed the cats and go out and have fun. Others had other plans. my car is currently blocked in by an ambulance and 2 police cruisers. Something odd went down in the library parking lot and while its being sorted out I'm trapped. So now I'm trapped and I answered my cell and got yelled at by the librarian b/c cellphones are big no-no. Like I couldn't have a quiet conversation or rather that if I were in the company of another person make more noise. Hell this keyboard is making more noise than I was talking to Shane.
And now he gave me bad news that I won't be getting any drugs from him until Thursday morning putting a damper on Carianne and my plans for tonight. I'm starting to think I should just go pull the covers up over my head and wait for tomorrow. This sense of forboding is growing. Banshee is right, something bad is stirring up.
current mood:  cranky
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2:30 pm
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so not a lot to talk about. I have to dye my hair and get a pedicure before leaving for montreal. Now here's my dilemma: I really like french manicures, i like how they make ny fingers look less stubby somehow in my mind. But once I redden my hair with the usual goo showering will lead to the dye sticking to my nails and pinkifying them in an uneven manner. Now while at home I would easily and happily pull on some rubber or latex gloves and wash away. This may seem odd to the people I am sharing a hotel with (one of which I have never even met) as well as bringing my own box of latex gloves along with me may raise eyebrows if my luggage were to be inspected at the border.
I'm thinking the fun and easy solution is to fall back on my old standard of manicure and get the red w/ black take on the french manicure thereby matching my red toes (the not matching is something I always find troubling but I can never enjoy a light shade on my piggies.)
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Thursday, October 9th, 2003
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2:24 pm - um, hi there
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So yeah um I haven't updated this journal or even logged onto this site in over a year. I haven't even checked to see if I have any "friends" left. I'll get to the other stuff like that in a bit.
heck I haven't even had internet access at my apartment since February!
What brought me back to this site that I used to be oh os adicted to? Maybe its that all these folks I know are hooked on Friendster & I can't see any use for it. I mean I joined but basically out of peerpressure and I have a sum total of 9 friends and I know 8 of them in person. And of those 8 I see at least 3 of them almost daily.
Hockey sucked me right out of my life and routine last year and I'm still putting myslef back togethera nd editting what I want back in and trying to figure out what I want from myself and the universe and all that post adolsent crap I assume most people go through if they ever bother to think for themselves at some point in their lives.
I've embarked on something highly unhealthy that I can't talk about. Probably shouldn't even be mentioning that there is a "something" but fuck it. Don't worry I'm not on smack or whoring myself out. And I think I'm going to hit a boundary or get bored or overinfatuated at any second now so I'll be boring and safe again by Thanksgiving I'm betting. I am having fun shopping.
I've somehow gotten myslef back involved with T after a year and half of not speaking. And well he doesn't make me nuts anymore so we're having fun. I also go a month without seeing hima nd its fine. I don't trust a single thing he tells me & he knows it. Except that he says he loves me, I believe that. And I love him, not being in love with him any more makes it very easy.
So maybe I'm back or maybe I'm being a tourist. (and everybody hates a tourust, thank you Jarvis I know)
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Wednesday, September 11th, 2002
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8:00 pm
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woohoo I did my first tattoo today. it was a piece of ass job but I need to get a feel of how to work the gun and find my touch and all that stuff. Mark let me tattoo his name in katana on his ankle. I was shaking and not sure of how to keep this vibrating thing from making my fingers wobble. I dug in and i'm sure its going to scab up whihc something that tiny shouldn't. And like i said it ain't too purdy but tommy was really supportive of how well i did for my first time ever holding a gun. Like he said he needs to just start getting a gun in my hand.
Other things i learned. i need to put my hair back. that fucking lamp is wicked hot. I need to start wearing my glasses. which means I need to go get a new prescription. i actually really really need to get glasses.
Of course now I am craving some new ink of my own.
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8:40 am
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Didn't sleep too well last night. Only a couple of hours. Got up early but still managed to miss getting my trash out in time for it to be collected. So now its sitting on the back porch mocking me and 'm sure really upsetting Mrs. M.
No plans for tonight. Don't want to sit and watch the TV it'll be all too much. Watched some of it last night but it upset me and I don't like being manipulated.
Got up at 6 to try and get some work done. Am not learning the lesson I should since I'm flying through the work and will be very close to done well in the time frame I'd had set. Which means blowing off the work for the past week was not the bad thing it should be. One day I'm going to fuck myself but good.
The apprenticship is taking forever. I don't think Tom has any kind of timeline or lesson plan or anything in mind so its going weird. I need a little structure and direction. Dan and I had a talk about Tom's blantant lack of commitment tot he shop or the appearance of lacking. Its not how to set up a repuation but if you say that to him he doesn't get the point that he's hurting his rep, that bad word of mouth moves far faster than a nice piece on someone's leg. He should be doing more than 3 tattoos a day. He only takes 3 appointments a day and he's not even generating that much work right now. I think he just needs to get past the wedding and maybe he'll stop thinking he has all these balls in the air and that people can understand. I'm not sure they can and I frankly wouldn't get a tattoo in a shop where i didn't get to talk to the artist. (seems andromeda is run that way) and it would seem to me that the kind of shop where you don't get to talk to the artist is the factory flash off the wall type of place that he doesn't want to be. Seems kind of obvious thta you can't specialize in custom work and have the customers deal only with the shop girl. At the same time I know he hears me when I say things like that to him even if we get gruff with each other while its happening, he almost always comes back to me saying he sees what I'm saying and agrees. He's just really got to do more for getting the word out and be around in the shop not hiding out in the back smoking. Whatever its not my shop.
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Monday, August 19th, 2002
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7:38 pm
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so i;m doing anything but getting ready to go to B's to go out to dinner. And part of what i'm doing is killing my appetite so the urge to trek half an hour to meet him to go drive another 20 minutes to eat is less than appealing. Anything invovling leaving my house is less than appealing. I'm not spending enough alone time. Well endless alone time. I get plenty of alone time before i have to go be somewhere. which is technically true about anything and anyone. But I mean I don;t get a whole day to sit in my house and veg and vag out too often. And B wants to tear me from this womb to go to a town i grew up in to then travel to a town i work in 5 days a week, where i was last night. where i don;t have to drive back to until wednesday. driving may be the operative word. if i could poof myself there i think i'd be more okay with leaving here. the traveling part sucks.
So i told Pugs how i think we're married on Earth 2 and it freaked him out. Or weirded him out. I'm not sure why. it could be that i'm simply having any sort of random thoughts about him that he finds odd or he might find it a suspect statement and think i'm talking in some kind of code that means i want to be with him. Which i don't. at least i don't think i do. certainly not enough to suggest he leave his G. if he were available it would be a different thought process altogether. And then, well it wouldn't be idle fantasy it would "should i make a play for pugs since we seem to have this weird "thing" between us that lots of people can see and comment on". and even then who he is today, his life, isn;t a package it want. its awful to "say out loud" but its too big a thing that he has a kid.
whatever i should shower. i think its gonna rain. joy.
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5:29 pm
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in various alternate universes I'm married to some of my guy friends. Like pugs. And Brandon. And Logue. It makes me giggle to think of those worlds.
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Friday, August 16th, 2002
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9:32 am
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It's Elvis' deathday. I guess I'll wear black. I'll lose all my cred for this but I'm not a huge Elvis fan. I mean I like prearmy Elvis fine & 68 comeback special fine and the rhinestone alien abuduction Elvis make me giggle. I like the old R&B; version of Hound Dog (its much dirtier and there's a fun answer song to it) and prfer Carl Perkins' Blue Suede Shoes and so forth. whatever.
Was too pooped to pop last night. Wanted to go to Niagra to support Bluesiren but was falling asleep at my desk by 8 last night and have hours of work to do this morning for messenger @ 12. Hope it went well. Am going to Motor City tonight w/ Moira (if she doesn't blow me off per usual). I'll probably go even if she does blow me off. I'm a big girl. tomorrow knitting factory. sunday Maury has put a bid in to hang out. I wonder if I'll see A before she starts school and has an all new excuse to not call.
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Monday, August 12th, 2002
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2:49 pm
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shit shit shit.
I have to clean my living room and hallway! And in this heat. And I have to mentally prepare for this interview with the insurance guy. Luckily I think its going to be a lot about the condition Frnak and Ben were in when they arrived @ the Castle and I have no idea since I go there for last call only.
current mood:  stressed
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2:43 pm
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Four questions to sample for tomorrow afternoon. I'm going to give my notice @ the comic shop tomorrow. I just can't take having no nights to myself. I'm going to lie and say I have a class but I'm planning on devoting Monday and Tuesday nights to classes at the gym so its not a real lie. Since by 2 weeks from now I will be in a class.
I'm still reeling from how awesome last night was. Just found out Chris Scruggs is only 19! Holy shit that kid is awesome. I thought he was just baby faced. Now I feel dirty for molesting him.
I'm off to the fabric store to search for patterns for dresses I want to have Joanne make for me. It'll depend on her cost. I feell in love with this dress I bought on ebay and want it in a dozen colors. Its so comfy.It's a simplicity Frock so I'm hoping its also a Simplicity pattern. I also asked J if she'd be interested in giving me sewing lessons. We'll see what she says. I think she'll say no to the lessons just b/c it will 1) stop me as a source of income and 2) I'm not sure she's the teaching kind. But I'd really like to learn to sew my own clothes (in the totally nonhippie way of making your own clothes, more the 1950's home ec I can't find clothes that fit both my tits and my waist way) and I don't have anyone to teach me.
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10:22 am
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Last night rocked. I was too late for most of the Lincoln Center action though. Only caught Jack Scott & Billy Lee Riley. We left during the Burnettes doing some stuff (Rocky and ? Johnny's dead right?)
Ilise and I head over to Rodeo to go get some grub and a seat for the jam session w/ Rosie Flores. When we got there an awful band was setting up and we feared a repeat of Saturday night. Which would prove that it is Ilise who is cursed and not Queenie. Ordered our food and hoped for the best. All I can say is its a good thing they didn;t have the peanuts out last night. The Lady I was ready to fling out chips and salsa at who we came to call Blus Traveller. Basically the band is what happens to guys when they had to abandon the dead tour B/c Jerry died or they had to get a real job: hippie-country-crap. they murdered a Cash song. And covered Zepplin' "whole lotta love" which made me long for the chick who always sings it at Al's Karoke night. Ilise did fling some veggies at them at some point. I had the lucky seat though and missed the singer's finale of ripping open his JCrew tshirt (I'm dead serious I saw the label).
What followed more than made up for it though. Chris Scruggs rocked again. Unfortunately playing some of the same material as Friday night but still was awesome. He's such a cutie and plays evrything. Usually travels w/ a lapsteel player. I can't wait for these guys to come back, I'm actually a little disapointed it'll be w/ BR549 (thats how good) but he said he'll have a solo CD w/ him then. Rosie was great too. She called Rocky Burnette up and Jack Scott. It was really one of the best nights. Its always great to see older cats rocking out with the young ones. And in such an intimate setting. And for free.
Stayed out well past my bedtime and am paying for it now. I have to go walk Lulu, I think. I forget what A's exact message was now- if her bro can't do it at all today or just not this afternoon. But I was really bad and only walked her once yesterday so I'm sure she's pissed somewhere in the apartment now. It's awful but I'll just let A think Lu did it b/c she's mad at her (if A finds out at all- I will clean up any mess I find w/o a word) I also have to finish my sample on surveys that have to be messengered out at 2.
My allergies are kicking my ass. I'm so happy right now. It's nice to be part of a 'crowd' sometimes. Or at least know I'm not the only person . I'm looking forward to not making the drive all the way back to Connecticut one day.
Oh eyah and Lady I and I inspired another boy the shed some clothing (John dropped his pants @ Union Pool at our request last week). I commented that I didn't think Chris Scruggs had any arm hair (adding to his baby fresh look, I also mused to myself that maybe he was into some freaky kink). So she called him over and he let us pet him to show he did in fact have body hair it was just light so i couldn't see it under the lights. Then he popped open his shirt to prove he did hit puberty. We're trying to figure out a way to use our power for good and not evil.
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Sunday, August 11th, 2002
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1:18 pm
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The 3 Bad Jacks show rocked. I really liked the Chris Scruggs band that played before,. Chris & Geoff are now in BR549. I met Geoff @ a BR549 show in New Haven like 2 years ago. He remembered me, I was not so good. So Friday noght was good. Got home and got little sleep.
The Twistin Tarantulas cancelled. Which sucked for me doubly since I was very late and stressed and drove all the way in to find this out. I need a cell phone and friends to call me on it.
Today I tried to sleep in but was haunted by dreams featuring boys I've slept with. On featured Godard playing hockey but in what I would assume to be workout wear or imaginary under the pads clothes. And his legs were hairy and it irked me. And all I could think as I watched him watch me as he skated was "wow he's big". Another featured both Todd and Eddie and some kind of huge dorm that I too lived in or had lived in in NYC and it had rickety old gated elevators but really cool spacious comon areas and awesome architectural detailing that everyone seemed to ignore or just be really used to. In the dream Eddie was who he is now all married to Meirav and everyone on his floor didn't like her as much as they liked me just b/c she didn't hang out she'd just wisk in grab Eddie and take him back to their place but they thought it was funny he dumped me so he could be with a dominatrix. In real life while I do find Meirav scary I don't think she's a true domme in the trad way, I'm sure she kicks the shit out of him and they have very dirty sex though. I hid from Todd and he hid from me and we looked at each other through the crack in the door (the back crack by the hinges not the one you'd push open to walk through it may be significant) while we talked to other people.
Today I have tons of work to do and am totally not motivated (what's new). I am supposed to go down to the shop then to Lincoln Center. But its hot and I really can't blow off the work until I make a real dent in it. So I'm going to show put on a cute dress and head down to Greenwich. We'll see how I feel in a few hours and how mcuh work I've done. Maybe I'll just hit the Rodeo Bar (mmm chicken fried chicken...) later on for the jam session. Again a cell phone w/ friends and their numbers would be oh so handy. Oh to be that girl with that life. Um, I don;t know where Lincoln Center is, let alone the park next to Opera House.
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Friday, August 9th, 2002
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10:49 am
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Whatever the curent LJ maintenence was its annoying since I still have to login even though I always choose the never expire mode. Grrr.
Met up w/ A and Maury last night for dollar beers at Al's. Marty handed me his business card he bought a restaurant. That was weird and I fell into friend mode with him out of some kind of defence mechanism. Thankfully he abrubtly walked away after a about a minute of us saying nothing to him. It was awkward for A b/c she is completely disgusted by him but wants to take my lead in these kinds of situations and the last time I was spending any real time with her I was still having panic attacks when he walked into a room. At this point I don't want to encourage any ugliness and just want to be left alone and be invisible.
The time w/ A was nice. I taught her how to use the rolling machine I'd given her forever ago. Of course we wound up rolling the tightest joint ever as a result of the lesson but it like anything is a finesse thing and you can't really have 2 people doing it.
I'm going to take care of her animals this weekend. Basically check on the cat and walk the dog. I love her animals and she knows that. I offered to do it, she didn't want to ask b/c we haven't seen each other inforever and she thought it'd be tacky. Maury was going to do it but she's busy on Sunday (& all the wya in westport) while I'll be home just working til around 5. And I expect to get back from Lincon center at a decent hour. A & I are supposed to meet up for like an hour this afternoon, we'll se if it happens.
I have some serious sampling to do but last night is still lingering. I passed out with the TV on waiting for the GH rerun to come on Soapnet. Funny thing is I woke up at like 7.30 this morning to the GH rerun I'd been waiting for at 2. But I just turned the TV off and went back to sleep.
I have an outfit picked for tonight. A dress I've never worn and I wonder if it still fits. And the shoes that go with it have a broken heel I'm praying will survive the godawful flooring at Rodeo. I won;t be taking many bathroom trips. I hope I get a table.
My feet seem to have swelled or gotten fat or wider or something. Bigger somehow. I blame the heat in general, the constant shoelessness of this summer and hormones too. I need to get a couple shoe strechers I think they'll come in handy.
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Wednesday, August 7th, 2002
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11:36 pm
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I got myself onto the waiting list for a room at the Gold Coast for VLV6. I hope I get in. Not only is it way more convenient, I'll save over a hundred dollars on the room. Although to get those rates I may have to stay an extra day which would then only save me about $90 buck but again I'd be where the action is. And flying out on Tuesday might suck if there is any partying done on Monday night. Not that I ever made it to any of the post parties.
I have about 3 hours of catch up work to do in the morning tomorrow and then I have 13 questions to sample by Monday morning. Plus a prospectively busy weekend socially. A and I are going out for drinks tomorrow.
My phone will be shut off if I don't pay it by the 11th. My cable too. Which is fine since I got paid today. I forgot to send the check to the Sears guy so I'm going to priority it to him tomorrow before I go to the shop.
We figured out where we're going to build my work area and place the register & computer. It'll make a nice reception area where I can actually notice if we have a client in the shop. We got a neat display case for some of the "heady" glass. It looks cool. Then Tommy dug into the order Dan made. Some really beautiful pieces. Pete found us cool display cases that we're getting pretty cheap. I hear they're huge and lighted and lockable.
Other shop news: Tommy's campaigning hard to get Chriss to leave Danny and come work for him (or so he says) Chriss is going to come down to the shop and visit Tuesday. Of course I'll have to be at Flamingo and miss the actual visit. I'd love it if Chriss came down to work. And that takes care of finding a piercer too.
Oh and my website will cost 10grand and we have to but our own server. Right now i'm just focusing on getting cable and stickers for the shop.
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8:59 am
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I know I tend to slack a lot so I have no real basis for this but, I'm kind of annoyed that Brandon just feels he can monopolize my time with is im's. Maybe its that he demands an amount of time he seees fit and then is off w/ a ttyl and signs off before i can even react. Our relationship is very centered around him, and often has little or nothing to do with me. Even the me stuff is his opinions on what I did. He's a very hard person to get a grasp of I think.
But really I have a buttload of work to squeeze out and he's iming me and I always feel bad about brushing him off b/c he does know the realistic angle of just how much effort I put into an average work day. And I haven't huing out with him once since he got sick and had his operation, not that he's pushed for it either.
So yeah back to work. hi ho hi ho
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Tuesday, August 6th, 2002
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10:09 pm
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Bought some more red dye. I need to retouch the red bits. They're getting kinda orange. I need to find a permanent fire engine red. Red is hard enough to maintain but these wash out kinds are killing me. I'm thinking I'm going to have to break done a pay a pro. Not looking forward to that concession.
Have also decided to attempt the red streak in my bangs that I'd orginally planned and maybe add a couple of streaks to the top layers as well. B/c its not like I'm going to be going out for any hew jobs or trying to get a landlord to take me bad credit and all or anthing right? ;)
Finally getting around to doing some work this evening. I have a tally that I'd like to put off til the morning but I really shouldn't send the count in now without it.
An insurance adjuster called tonight. He wants to talk to me about the night of Ben's accident. I guess the bar is being sued by someone. I'm guessing Ben's parents. Whats funny to me is that article from a couple days after in the CTPost with the friend of the family going on about what a solid drug free kid Ben was. Um, yeah I met up with the tooted up 20 year old that night at the bar in question. Hey did anyone happen to tell you he died on a drug run? But yeah its the bar's fault for serving him too many beers and shots. Meanwhile I still wonder every once in a while what happened to Frank? Did he ever have a trial? Is he in jail & on what charges?
Yet another thing haunting me here.
Speaking of hauntings, I'm kicking around what Sound Tigers ticket package I should buy. But I really wonder if I'll be able to take going to games. To even being associated in any way with those people. Don't have the cash this second any way.
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Monday, August 5th, 2002
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11:07 pm
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She may have said so but I'm a little behind on some people's journals. Why did Theresa delete her journal?
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9:44 pm
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So i posted the heart of a conversation Devilette and I had over on her journal about west coast and east coast rockabilly bands and scenes on my nyc rockabilly list to get other people's points of view. Not to back up my opinion as much as to hear people who are far more educated, expeienced and opinionated about the subject of RAB in general. Well it was summarily dismissed as "a common misconception people have and I just ignore it". Well thanks, I wasn't trying to start a war or even a debate but maybe a little conversation on say what are the differences if any between the west coast scene and our scene in other people's opinions.
Well, only Joanne replied and frankly seems to be in a mood lately & I know she has a cold. and I also know she's probably just tired of hearing people knock a scene that in her opinion she's kept going by sheer force of will.
So i'm alittle annoyed but am trying not to take it to heart.
That said. this weekend 2 "non-traditional" rockabilly bands are playing the Rodeo bar. One more psycho than the other. 3 Bad Jacks (a west coast outfit) and the Twistin Tarantulas (from the motor city). They will be evened out by a Sunday of Roots & Blues w/ Billy Lee Riley followed by roots rock @ Lincoln Center featuring the stylings of Wanda Jackson and Narvel Felts.
My car and liver are going to hate me.
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