| independence |
[05 Jul 2004|03:06pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Ani DiFranco - Beautiful Night |
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The demon known as sloamchunder has been banished.
I have rid myself of the 'mark of the sloam'.
You should too.
this journal is not who I am anymore. it has not been me for a while. I will write again, but the SUN IS WARM.
if you think that you haven't heard the last from me, then we'll probably find eachother again some special day. :)
namaste.
love,
ryan
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[29 Mar 2004|02:19pm] |
I have been experiencing a greater number of electrostatic shocks, recently, from things that never shocked me before. I have a few theories running around inside of my head of why this could be, but I am not sure of any one explanation.
I need to cook up a new brew from the kombucha. it says to me, "I am thirsty."
also;
Do.
it is for true.
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[28 Mar 2004|04:09pm] |
There's a war going on out there, a couple minutes away from where I am right now.
The Invaders versus the Defenders. The Invaders have them surrounded.
Rows and rows of pastel houses poised like battletanks, faced off against the old forest. I remember, many years ago, the woods were much larger, and maybe connected with another woodland . Divide and conquer. The diseased army of endlessly consuming marauders has taken its toll.
Deep within the ravine are the Old Ones, guarded by a perimeter of strong young conifers. They do not employ tactics such as chemical-laden drainage pipes or electro-magnetically disruptive high-tension interstate power lines, but concentrate solely on healing and regenerating upon the damage that has been done to them. In a world without time and with infinite possibilities, they already know the outcome. All they do now is Exist, while the current era comes to a climax.
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| paradigm shift |
[07 Mar 2004|11:03pm] |
the cat stares at the lazy wisps of nag champa like a clever joke only he can understand.
i've become much more aware of increasing synchronicity and novelty in this reality, the signs of ancient spirits making their moves from the future-past. and it has been very apparent, in this mathematically nonlinear universe, of which singular, miniscule choices have the domino effect of altering countless other possibilities.
this past weekend, the cognitive-perceptual matrix of my Self flickered and crumbled, like the destabilizing electro-magnetic field of one lonely terrestrial planet. a strange prescience befell me, and soon enough, during the time i needed clear thought the most, it fell beneath my conscious perception. i could not feel, nor could i think. this tends to happen to me. old, very old pattern. looping thought patterns and a dim feeling inside akin to a lightbulb turned onto its very lowest setting.
even to the deepest depths of disconnection from mind, spirit, and body, i try to keep the knowledge that this shall pass, and i will resurface eventually; whether through just time, or the actions and energies of others close to me.
i resurface into another ocean, a deep sea diver climbing those piercing shafts of sunlight which penetrate the darkness of the ocean. the water is warm, clear and lucid, like from promotional photos of tropical beach resorts.
this is not the end of my change, of course, but what i hope to be a particularly pleasant segment of the path that i will follow.
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[26 Feb 2004|09:14pm] |
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Tomorrow is the beginning of of a new beginning. The imminent changes in my geographical location and personal space and domain are symbolic for what I hope are important changes in my mind, body, and spirit. I feel a great change about to occur.
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[23 Feb 2004|08:21pm] |
hey, I'm growing new teeth. neat.
this is a sign of impending wisdom.
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[22 Feb 2004|07:54pm] |
Somehow, I have mustered the will and desire to put my thoughts down here once more. Permit me to vomit these words out quickly, before they are sucked back into my mind, never to be heard!
Why was I here, again? Oh yes. I came to talk about that very topic.
Those who know me might agree that I'm an unusual amorphous thing that doesn't stick to its own definition of Self for too long of a period of time. Changing, changing. Where will I stop? Perhaps I will have solidified by the time I move on from my physical body. Maybe I'll be at the ripe old age of 196 years and still be wandering.
Anyway, after far too many detours of thought, I just wanted to state that my thought patterns and ways of thinking, my life and my activities, my interests and my hobbies; they are no longer easily summed up in this textual interface which I have held for these years. Or, I just need to work on my writing skills. I don't seem to make as much sense as I used to with the written word. :P
I'm still reading yours, though. I like to keep up on all of my old friends and acquaintances, whether or not they still remember who I am. Or who I was.
lumpin'
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[10 Dec 2003|12:16am] |
HELLO ALL AND EVERYONE
I was surprised today with a new cellular communication device. oh well, whatcha gonna do?
If you would like the coordinates for my new cellular communication device, let me know, and I will deliver them to you. if I trust you. you know how hard to reach I am.
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[01 Dec 2003|03:09pm] |
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Again, as the red-brown-orange months fade into the early afternoon sunset, it comes to be that I am legally older, one more time.
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[07 Oct 2003|05:34pm] |
it's been a long time. again. i should just accept the fact that i'm only going to write in here when i feel like it. so here, a few things to chew on with your brainstuffs:
i have begun drawing again, this time more awful and unusual than ever! i became aversive to it when i fell into a pattern of drawing only stupid little sloams, but that's broken away to the bizarre, intricate, detailed abstractions and organic patterns that i started off with around this time, 3 years ago, but with those 3 years now added to my experience.
laundry detergent in the eyes will sting.
and,
ask me if i still work at blockbuster now, bitches.
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[11 Sep 2003|10:26pm] |
giant army of small babies?
-OR-
small army of giant babies?
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[11 Sep 2003|02:26pm] |
HOORAY I SUPPOSE! I am excused from jury duty. It sounded like an interesting experience, but I have neither the time nor money to go through with it.
why was I excused, you ask? because I sent them a very creepy letter in the mail scrawled with sharpie and pen on a blank sheet of paper listing a few reasonable and a few unreasonable..reasons.. why I shouldn't go. If not those, they most likely doubted my mental makeup and stability. :D
They just called to let me know they can't send me back my letter like I asked them to do in large caps, "FOR MY 'RECORDS'"
In other news, life has been good. I need to get my ass in gear, though, so next time someone asks "DO YOU STILL WORK AT BLOCKBUSTER" I can respond with "HEEELLLL NO"
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| maxfield badger woodring |
[06 Sep 2003|09:09am] |
this is a test. let's see how it goes...
it's been a long time.
also, I have to figure out what to do about this whole 'jury duty' thing. when I got the notice from the courts I thought "OH SHIT THEY'VE FINALLY CAUGHT UP TO ME" but it was just a jury duty request form. phew.
yay me. I might decide the outcome of someone's entire life. feel it.
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[05 Sep 2003|06:49pm] |
sucks when you meet someone new, go to shake their hand, and realize they don't have one. so you have to quickly look for an alternate solution of what do to with your extended arm while simultaneously averting your gaze from the stump and wiping that stupid expression off of your face. then, you have to act like NOTHING happened.
i should've just bowed.
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[03 Sep 2003|07:12pm] |
I told myself I'd write in this more often. that lasted long, didn't it?
I've been wearing this same black shirt since at least thursday, I wonder how long I can get away with that...
I'm ever changing, but one constant over the past few years has been my fanatical love for Annie's Naturals Shiitake Mushroom & Sesame Vinaigrette Salad Dressing. today, however, I topped my greens with honey mustard, as I did not desire the aforementioned. WHAT DOES IT MEAN?!
definitely can't drink the honey mustard straight from the bottle, either.
bumbershoot has gone and passed, my landmark for the end of summer. everyone is marching back into school, too! save for me, of course. and what a summer it has been!! YES.
$55 for a four day pass. what the hell. the price of a single day, at the door, was $20, up from $15 I believe, last year. there weren't many desirable groups playing, either. i caught a few fun people at the husker stage, near the deseated stoner trees & desecrated drum circle mound. fuckers. but the husker stage was neat.
saw plenty of fun people, too. gotta love events like that for at least letting me see people i'm too neglectful or busy to see otherwise.
the one real show i saw was DONOVAN! the old fart's still got it! show picked up slower, but it got good. amused us, pre, post, and mid-song with anecdotes of his days being homies with the beatles in india, french girlfriends & hashish, being denied milk by the police due to potential of lsd, and more!
I didn't feel like attending the fourth day, pawned my ticket off to tanner, (i do wish i had arranged to get the stub back, somehow, i've collected the past couple years..), and spent most of the day being lazy with sara.
we did, however, take a trip later that night off into magical places! spent the whole time there & back talking, too, which was very nice.
the quest for food leaves me with nothing but frozen but delicious ravioli. I do prepare it, soon, for family! I need to cook for sara, sometime... she's made me five thousand dinners & I've not done much in return :O
soapy tit wank.
shit. i left all of my face drawings at work. goodbye!
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[24 Aug 2003|10:48pm] |
WENIS CHOMP~~~
GNOME TEASE.
I claim Sara!
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[11 Aug 2003|08:26pm] |
the clouds are massive tonight, massive clouds. massive clouds make me feel strange.
for a brief moment i wanted to check the time off of the watch on my wrist. then i remembered, i do not wear a watch on my wrist, i haven't for 2 years.
things are very surreal today. felt a bit tingly yesterday, but it hit a peak today. can you feel the energy in the air? this strange mixture of fear, anticipation, and synesthesia? it seems to accompany the clouds.
it feels like your first kiss, your last day of school, the realization that something awful has happened, and dusk on halloween.
strange abstract emotions i can't put a name to.
i'm not sure what's happening.
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| lodge |
[08 Aug 2003|07:56pm] |
my large vacations for the summer are through with, with the exception of the end-of-summer-bang known as bumbershoot. hopefully, it will be interspersed with smaller, enjoyable chunks of vacation, from 3 seconds to 3 days.
now, i have more time here. in washington. as i'm still in bondage to money, i am going to be picking up my work hours to make ends meet, until i can find a way to shed myself of the filth. i'll be trying to acquire a job at PCC soon, while as it still pays money, it's not quite as evil!
i remember the time when i fed an ant colony drops of honey + flakes of my peeling skin! they sipped at the honey and tore off chunklets of flake to share with others. imagine that! they are EATING MY FLESH! i hope it was enjoyed by the colony. (in my view, an ant colony is not dozens or thousands of individual insects; it is a group mind collective. the individual ant is a part of the colony much as a human body cell is to the whole body.)
that's how i'd want my body to go. dissolved and allowed to live as part of something else. being embalmed and stuck in an airtight box does not sound appealing to me.
claim a body part! sara has some tasty ones, but there are plenty of unclaimed meats to be enjoyed when i die!
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[31 Jul 2003|12:08am] |
all my confusion over the parking violation notices they are sending me, I have resolved! it is actually two notices for two different locations, on the 19th of may and june.
$100 total, wheee! I send them my payment, along with a handwritten note and embedded haiku: illegal parking
i thought that i would be fine
they've caught me thrice now
bah. money. i wish i were not born into a life of bondage to the green devil.
maybe, one day I will break free!
maybe.
no. someday. even if it is the day of my death!
someday.
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[30 Jul 2003|06:18pm] |
i've been neglecting this thing... neglecting this thing, and YOU!
i'm sure most of you are unaware that i just came back from 4 days in oregon, and that on friday i'm leaving for another 5 days. that's my fault. i'm grungy. after that, i think i'll be around for a while...
i need a place to host my pictures again...
i lost 2 of my fingers??
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