The Lyrics of Life in LA

The Crud

The first memory I have of being sick with a fever was on a school night when I was 7. We had these floor heaters that in the mornings we would stand over and lean against the wall to get warm. On this particular night, I was soooo cold. I couldn't heat up enough even over the heater. I wrapped myself into a little ball and lay down next to the warm air. I fell asleep that way. When my mom woke me up, I didn't feel any better. I didn't know what was happening to me. It felt awful.

I don't get the flu very often. I may get a head cold here and there but really sick...well that just doesn't happen to me that often.
It happened last night.
Ugh.
I got home around 6:30 and ate a piece of pita bread and took some vitamins.
I crawled into bed and thought sleep was all I would need.
I am going to save you the gory details, but I woke up every hour in a sweat with a bowl next to my bed. I was lying still at one point and my body was on fire. I could feel heat radiating from my legs. My temp was 102 degrees. "That's not good", I muttered out loud.
Even the slightest shift would make everything wonky and I would run to the bathroom. Well, not so much run as walk like a drunk person around the obstacle course I had left all along the living room of my bags, books, and clothing.
Back in bed, I thought I was going to die. Assuming the fetal position, I tried to force myself to fall asleep. But alas, it just wasn't happening. So to pass the time, I re-enacted death bed scenes from movies I remember. Where you try and smile through your pain and show those around you how strong you are. I was doing Jason Robarbs from Magnolia, Meryl Streep from One True Thing. I even was creating a script in my head of a girl who was the life of the party and suddenly was infected with an unknown virus (probably aliens) and her family and husband were gathered around her bed. She was telling them things to think about that would make them feel happy. I was saintly in my death bed scene. And in every scene, I acted out the actual passing.
It helped for awhile. I even laughed at the obsurdity of what I was doing. Which wasn't a good idea. The laughter created a need to run to the bathroom again and grab the bowl.
I did, however, look out the window at 4am. The sky was really clear and I either saw a very bright star, or a planet (Mars, Venus? whatever you can sometimes see from earth). I normally wouldn't have seen it. So that was cool. It made me smile for a moment until I started coughing. And coughing.
Oy.
Being sick sucks.

Sliding Into the Cough Syrup Induced Mystic

I am trying to kick this crud that is sneaking into my lungs and nose so bear with me if this is a short entry.

Oh Happy Day! I started to make great headway on my novel last night.
I brought nothing since I had written nothing. I was prepared to go over Evan's story but he wouldn't have it. The imbalance of us talking only of his novel didn't sit well with him. I was fine with it, since I had read his work and was ready to discuss it. But no, he even timed how long we talked about his story and then took the pages away from me. I laughed because I knew that he was calling me on my procrastination. So, we worked on my outline and story and plot points. And lo and behold, my story started to emerge. Ahhhh. Deep exhale.

Mads and I were supposed to go to the Ramones documentary at the Arclight around 10pm last night but we were both too tired. We had a long conversation on the phone. I wish us both good stuff in the near future. It has been a hard year. It is sometimes so hard to put stuff out there and put stuff out there only to have red herrings thrown in your path and have nothing turn out as you thought it would. But I am on the upswing from it all and keep a candlelight vigil of hope in this noggin of mine.

I woke up all groggy this morning and couldn't even drag my butt to the gym. I could barely sit up. I downed some cough syrup (that's good to take right before driving to work).
I would have called in sick but I was bringing in pumpkin bread to work for Marci's birthday. I swear that stuff is like crack. Maybe it is the nutmeg. Or the chocolate chips. It is the only thing I know how to make that I don't have to apologize for or explain. It just is perfection. And I can't take any credit since it is really the recipe that does it all. We are never short of birthday parties in our department and between all of us (Rere, Tania and me) we keep the party training a-rolling.

Tonight there are several options of things to do. One of the options is to see Something for Rockets who is playing at Spaceland and even though I love the lead singer's voice and feel groovy listening to their tunes, I am still not feeling 100%.

Good news though is that Evren will be playing again (we were jonseing for a fix) at the Derby next Tuesday. I will get to see all the peeps we see at their shows. It will be like old home week. I can't believe it has been a year since his cd release party. That was one of those nights where I felt like the belle of the ball and everything seemed easy and my social skills were in fine form. Ah. I could use another night like that. Or just some sleep.

Until the next time

Another #^$&* Breakfast Club Moment

I think that LA is so weird because it is always divided when it comes to rank. Who you know, who you work for, who your boss knows...blah blah blah.

You can be on top of the world working for someone everyone respects and tries to get ahold of. Just the mention of your boss's name or company is cache into a VIP swirl.

A week later, however, you could be working for third rate production company where no one (even the people who last week were sending YOU presents) will return the calls. It is a fickle world.

And nowhere do you see that than at a party. Or to be more exact, a premiere party.

So last night was a big premiere for my company.
Following the film, we all attended the after party (natch).

Food was bizarre. A mix of this and that (pretzels and tacos (what?) mixed with mini cheeseburgers and lollipop cookies (which were just chocolate chip cookies on sticks...yummmm)which didn't really reflect the theme of the film. Don't get me wrong...I still ate it but it was an odd mix.

Free alcohol. Knowing my limit though, I had a moderate amount to drink.
The night was sooooo clear. You could see all the way from Century City to Downtown. The city glistened and twinkled below us and I was just smiling as the wind blew cool on us.

I was energized by the temperature actually. I loved it. I was a social butterfly. Meeting this person and that. Talking shop with superiors. Sharing war wounds with others like me. Everyone is on the same page. Everyone is breathing the same party air.

People who see me at work but not socially were thrown by my ebullient self. They thought it was the liquor (maybe it was a little) but truly, I come alive in parties. Especially with cute boys from work, music, wine, food and a movie-clear night.
And particularly when the playing field is leveled.

My achilles heel for the night was the pain in my feet from my shoes. My shoes. My new cute shoes that I decided to wear for the first time. Well, I wore them once last week for an hour but this was the first time I was dancing and walking up and down stairs. And that...that was a mistake.
They killed. I still danced. And oh how I danced.
But my feet and toes were cryin "Uncle".
Finally, around 1:15, we left. I took my shoes off and walked barefoot to the car. That didn't feel great either, but at least I could move faster. And after I made it home, I crashed into slumber.

Today, everyone is moving very slowly.
The air is very very dry. I have already had two glasses of EmergenC and a ton of water.
The dry air coupled with dehydration of a fabulous night of yummy drinks makes my my mouth and nose feel like the Sahara.

I am wearing my ballet slipper flats to ease last night's pedi-mistake.
Everyone has that look of too few hours of sleep.
And there is that strange moment of seeing the people you were talking with the night before.
Nods are passed, but recognition is fuzzy.
We are the Breakfast Club in the cafeteria line.
Today is a new day and everything goes back to the way it was before.

All of what passed among you the night before is gone.

Except for the memories of a sparkling LA evening where we were all equal.

And except for the pictures I took that I will later use as blackmail...mwa ha ha ha ha.
I wish I were that evil.
*Sigh*

I Have a Crush on Fall

After several crazy shit years where every good thing turns into a nothing. And after so many attempts of being good humored about it all, I finally feel a relief that has lasted longer than a minute.

For the past month, my weekends have been getting better and better. I am relaxing and sleeping and socializing a lot.

This weekend proved to be the same. With the exception of the long walk from the car mechanic, I had a great time Saturday night. Mads, Jazzy and I went to have margaritas at El Coyote. Later we ended up at 4100. I actually wrote more but then deleted it since the night ended the way it usually does (with alcohol induced ups and downs). We ended up going to Brite Spot for some food around 1am. It had been so long since I had seen Jazzy. It was so nice to hang with the sisters. They are cool cool people. If you ever meet them, you will know what I am talking about.

Sunday morning, I slept in until 11am when a cool breeze subtly woke me up. I love this weather. I didn't start stirring until 4pm when I took a shower and I began to make my coffee around 4:30. I then started to come alive when I saw out my window the gloriously clear blue sky. It smelled like Halloween is near and I got the tickle in the tummy when something really exciting is about to happen. I baked some pumpkin bread for someone at work with a birthday this week.

Mads picked up Ennui from the airport as she returned from Colorado. Then we went to LaLa's for some dinner.

After dinner, we went back to my place for some pumpkin bread and to ask my newly purchased pendulum some questions. Ennui doesn't even believe in psychics really but couldn't put the pendulum down.
"Is it accurate"
"Um, I think so. It has been for me" I said,
"She was using a technique with her fingers that equals that of the pendulum but she sprained her fingers asking so many questions." Mads said about me.
"That's right. The pendulum takes the pain away from my digits" I said nodding, pretending to ignore that she was slightly poking fun at me and my cultish ways.
"But it is working. I am not moving it." Ennui said again.
Time will tell if any of answers we got come true. It is more like a feel-good fix that I use from time to time.

We sat in my living room waiting for something but not sure what. Mads read a magazine while Ennui held the pendulum and I ate the pumpkin bread. The air wafting in mingling with the bread smell made me really really excited for fall. I love the air when it is like this. I had the tummy tickle again and I sort of felt antsy but good.

Today, I have been all giddy and spacey because of the wind. It is infusing me with all the goodies that come with fall air.
I have regained my energy and went to the gym this morning. I almost sang as I walked back home breathing in the smell of a cool morning.

Next weekend, we will go to the Bowl to see Air, Sondre Lerche and Stereo Lab. It should be a blast. And If the weather will be anything like it was this weekend, I will be in heaven and you will catch me in a happy coma.

I love every season when it comes but I think right now...I have a crush on fall.

Magnolia, feh

I woke up early yesterday to take my car in to be fixed. I get there at 8am and ask if there is a coffee shop nearby (I will have to leave my car there for 3 hours - THERE being Burbank).
"Is there a coffee shop nearby?"
"A coffee shop?"
"Yeah, like a Starbucks or a Coffee Bean or some place I can sit and read for 3 hours, walk to and drink coffee?"
"There is a Burger King a block away."
"How about a coffee shop?"
"No, there is a Burger King."
I nod realizing that he doesn't know that I have my intent on getting a coffee and damnit, I will find one. Besides, I wore my sneakers just in case this happened. I am good to go.

I start walking down Magnolia Blvd. I walk and walk and walk. I am building a slight glow on my face and my denim jacket all of a sudden feels pretty heavy and very hot. I pass blocks and blocks of trophy shops, antique shops, hair salons, italian and mexican restaurants, and auto mechanics none of which are open yet.
NO COFFEE SHOP. Not one.
Not a diner.
Not a doughnut shop.
Nothing. No place I can rest my dogs. I take a repite on the steps of a church (I know - it sounds like I was gone for like days...trust me...at this point, I felt like it.)

I will be damned if I have been walking an hour and have yet to find one coffee shop. The mechanic may have been right, but now I was on a mission. Surely, there was SOMETHING!

In the distance I see an awning with a picture of a cup of coffee on it. Nirvana. A wave of emotion rolls over me.
the place is dark. They are playing Fleetwood Mac. Nice people are there talking about everything: the industry, how none of them have taken a cruise ever, music, etc.
I order a bagel and a latte and sit on the pillowed couch and exhale. I feel like a child in her mommy's arms.
I relax as I sip my wonderful coffee and I read Evan's novel.
Amidst my tra-la-la at resting, I notice that I am developing blisters on both of my feet. I wore my cute sneakers and not my work out sneakers. Poo.

After being there an hour and a half, I get the call from the mechanic
My car is ready.

I steady myself for the battle of the long long walk, the sun, and the blisters. I have since tied my jacket around my waist and I have my writers bag and my purse. I am feeling dragged down and hot.

It takes me another hour to trudge back to the mechanic. I believe I had walked about 6 miles all told. Which is great. I just wish I had worn work out gear and not been carrying my entire world. Nonetheless, I look at it as a spontaneous gift to have worked out in the outdoor air of morning. Well, that was more hindsight. In the moment, I just tried to maintain a steady gait.

I arrive at the mechanic looking less than pristine. I pay. I drive away.

I almost want to drive down Magnolia just to see how close I was to a Starbucks if I had gone a little further. Or to the left...or to the right.

But I don't. I drive back home. Crash on the couch.
A call from Madeleine to go to breakfast gives me a second wind.
Later, I go to my hair appointmen which is on Magnolia right next to the coffee place I was that morning. My blisters eek out a sharp pain to remind me of the trek. I am just so thankful I can leave after the appointment in my car. I love my hair and enjoyed my coffee that morning but once my appointment was done, I was happy to be leaving that area, not to return for awhile. I don't live anywhere near there. To have to visit it several times in one day...well, it made for a long day.
Magnolia may be a beautiful flower, a movie, a woman's name. But to me, it is a long long long long street that traverses the valley and is a pain in my ass...er my feet.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

I have been in a slump. A little bored even.
I am looking at things positively, and trying to embrace a new way of thinking. And I have. But because of it, I mistook a slump for fatigue.

So last night, I decided to kick the slump to the curb.
I did some of the things I was putting off for the weekend. I did them last night. And I was infused with energy.

This morning I went to get a smog check to get my new tags.
I was reading the book of Intention. I intended to have a car that passed the smog check. Why wouldn't it? It is not that old of a car. Where was this weird anxiety of not passing coming from? I continued to say the mantra over and over that I would pass. I intended to pass. Yessiree.

On the way to the mechanic, a weird thought popped in my brain. A new love would be coming into my life. He would be rich (which is weird because that is not so important to me - in fact it sometimes causes more problems for me). But my problems aside, this guy would be rich.
And he would say that he would want me to travel with him.
I would tell him that he would need to pay me my salary if I was going to take off with him, lest he ditch me somewhere in Bolivia two weeks into the trip and I am jobless with no money to get back home.
"No problem", new rich man would say.
And off I would go, laughing at how I once had to scrounge for pennies, or a day off from boyboss and girlboss.
I would be one of those women who travels with her man and has money because of her man.
Which by the way, has never felt comfortable for me.
But...for some reason, on this particular day with this particular thought, it was a nice idea. One that I could accept.

At the mechanic, I read about intention.
I say my mantra.
And I am informed that I don't pass the smog check.
I will have to bring the car back tomorrow to the place to have a tune-up (one I have needed but had been putting off due to lack of finances).
I breathe.
My intention isn't working.
Can't be helped at this point.
I can only put good energy into bad and hope it turns around.
Then I get to work and read my horoscope:

"Someone with tons of resources and free time on their hands is en route, ready to make a grand entrance into your world. Got a passport? Good. How about a suitcase or two? "

Maybe my bigger intention is to travel with the mystery man on his dime. Maybe, I am about to embark on a new journey completely different from any I have known. Maybe the car problem is just a distraction to make the gods giggle (you know like a joke on me for their entertainment - which hey, if their intent is for me to travel in style, I don't mind being the gods' joke butt).
Maybe I am about to jumpstart my life from slump to fabulous.

I will keep you posted.