October 14, 2004
Can't. Take. Any. More.
You know how you feel after getting a root canal or a Pap smear or some other painful and disgusting medical procedure? That's how I felt when last night's debate ended. I think one more moment of exposure to Kerry's botoxed-yet-still-foul-and-craggy face would have literally killed me. One more moment of listening to Bush actually have to explain things to an apparently enormous number of stupid people would have driven me to drink large quantities of Weller bourbon. Really, people. This is getting ridiculous. The fact that at least half this country actually thinks we would be safer, richer, and generally more pleased with life if John F*ing Kerry, billionaire liberal, were president, well it makes me want to f*ing break things. I thought about explaining why I think that, but come on! What's the point? If anyone reading this actually is considering voting for John Kerry, well, I will admit that I think you're stupid. If not stupid then a bad person. Take your pick.
It's about human nature, folks. The history of mankind and what happens when you put socialists in power. And if you don't understand that John Kerry is a goddamn socialist - when it comes to you, of course, not to him and Te-RAY-sa, who will live out the rest of their natural lives flopping around in their sweet, sweet money the way a pig flops in a mud pit. Goddamn rich socialists. It boggles the mind. Oh and don't forget, Kerry and Te-Ray-sa paid about 12% in taxes last year. Not 30% like the Bushes and not 18% like me. Twelve goddamn percent.
Anyway, what I was saying about human nature and history. I wonder how much your average liberal voter knows about history. Not even that far back, how about just the 20th century? If you vote Democrat, I'm assuming you don't know much beyond there were a couple of wars and Hitler was a bad man. How far off am I? Do you know about Neville Chamberlain? Do you know how the Nazis came to power? Do you know how they were able to kill tens of millions of people before being stopped? Do you know how they were stopped? Do you know jack shit?? I really wonder. Because it seems to me that a few hours with a good history book could really enlighten you, if you're thinking of voting for Kerry.
If not - if you can't be bothered to learn something about what happens when a nation like ours attempts to be "diplomatic" with evil murderous dictators like Saddam Hussein - well, you will probably have to someday face the result of your own intellectual and civic laziness. Which could very well be your own death or the death of a few hundred little kids who get shot in the back, or even worse. Because do you really think that'll never happen in America if we don't bring the war - declared by them, not us - to the Islamic fascists on their own turf? Are you that f*ing stupid? Really, deep down - do you really believe that instead of preemptively, forcibly removing dictators from power before they can do what they say they want to do (death to America, Allah willing), it would be better to have a summit and "let the inspections work" and blah blah FREAKING BLAH??? DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT HUMANITY??? Jesus Christ.
Mr. Billionaire Candidate will solve the "Iraq problem" and various terrorism "nuisances" by...drumroll please...holding a summit! Like a statesman! Yes that's right you stupid jerk, hold a summit. Or two or three. Knock yourself out with those summits. They always work, right? I mean, if you could just get Osama bin Laden - who by the way is DEAD - to come to Brussels or Geneva or something, you could simply sit him down and explain things to him. You could be diplomatic with him and feel his pain like a good Democrat. Because after all, you can apparently reason with psychotic mass murderers, or at least that's what I'm assuming because half of my fellow American citizens are going to vote for Kerry. They can't be so stupid that they'd vote for a guy who would have useless summits, can they? The summits and diplomacy would therefore work, right?
In related news, my dog Sunny can sing the entire score of "Porgy and Bess" in a sweet, pure soprano - while tap-dancing on one hind leg. I'm serious. Vote for Sunny.
And then there's Bush. Oh, god, there's Bush. You know, I'm not really sure what he said last night because I was fixated for the first half hour on that piece of foamy spit stuck in the corner of his mouth. It was disgusting and I could not look. I'm not kidding. I hate it when people get that dry-spit thing in the corner of their mouth. Makes me sick. In elementary school, one of my teachers had a problem with that, and I remember my nausea and repulsion to this day. WIPE THE CORNER OF YOUR MOUTH, MRS. SPENCER, OR I'M GOING TO HURL. It was hard on me; I was only seven.
Anyway, aside from the disgusting spot of spit, I thought Bush did well. Mostly because he clearly means what he says.
Fine, I'll admit it. I couldn't care less about how Bush does in the debates or if he's wrong about some issues, or a complete Bible-thumping jerk about others. Couldn't. Care. Less. What I care about is whether or not whoever is president will take the fight to the filthy pigs - I mean, the psychotic mass murdering Islamic terrorists - or will hold....summits. (Like a statesman.) Whether or not the next president will give a flying squirrel's ass how France feels about anything on this entire planet. Because you know, we shouldn't. France is wrong and has been wrong for a long, long time. They took bribes from Saddam Hussein and if you think that's untrue, you're just not paying enough attention. Or maybe you don't care. Because after all, Saddam didn't have any WMDs!!! Ah-hahahaha!!! He was just a simple dictator with simple desires that didn't involve WMDs, and we had to go and f*ck it all up! Stupid Bushitler warmonger!
Speaking of France, it can kiss my ass. And then go to hell.
Wow, I don't blog for a while and look what happens. I get so bitchy.
Oh and by the way - I don't check my e-mail, like, ever. Haven't checked it in over a month and don't intend to any time soon, because the last time I tried, there were over 800 spam messages and only about 80 real e-mails. I'm sorry if you've sent me a nice note - I appreciate it and am grateful. But I just can't do e-mail now. Already sit in front of this machine eight hours a day, and the thought of doing e-mail makes my cerebrospinal fluid crystallize and my carpal tunnels squeeze down like a vise.
Anyway. So I'm pissed off about the election and the Democrat candidate. I'm a lame blogger, too. Ah, hell. I'm cussing a lot, too. That's a sure sign that I need to eat breakfast and ruminate on the fate of humanity.
Posted by Rachel Lucas at 08:41 AM | permalink
October 08, 2004
Gaze upon my dog Sunny. Because it's the right thing to do in these troubled times.
You click, you get bigger view! You click now!
Which reminds me of Frank, who pointed us to Jonah Goldberg's latest, which is spectacularly good. Read now. A taste:
It just seems everything old is new again. Bush "lied" because he believed the same intelligence John Kerry believed. Bush "lied" even though John Edwards called the threat from Iraq "imminent" — something Bush never did. No one bothers to ask how it could be possible that Bush lied. How could he have known there were no WMDs? No one bothers to wonder why Tony Blair isn't a liar. Indeed, no one bothers to ask whether the Great Diplomat and Alliance Builder believes our oldest and truest allies Great Britain and Australia are lead by equally contemptible liars. Of course, they can't be liars — they are merely part of the coalition of the bribed. In John Kerry's world, it's a defense to say your oldest friends aren't dishonest, they're merely whores.
Oh, one more thing no one asks. How could Bush think he could pull this thing off? I mean, knowing as he did that there were no WMDs in Iraq, how could he invade the country and think no one would notice? And if he's capable of lying to send Americans to their deaths for some nebulous petro-oedipal conspiracy no intelligent person has bothered to make even credible, why on earth didn't he just plant some WMDs on the victim after the fact? If you're willing to kill Americans for a lie, surely you'd be willing to plant some anthrax to keep your job.
And speaking of the victim, if it's in fact true that Bush offered no rationale for the war other than WMDs, why shouldn't we simply let Saddam out of his cage and put him back in office? We can even use some of the extra money from the Oil-for-Food program to compensate him for the damage to his palaces and prisons. Heck, if John Edwards weren't busy, he could represent him.
Posted by Rachel Lucas at 10:48 AM | permalink
since Goldstein is away, I will talk back to 80s music to pass the time (even though his guest bloggers are splendid)
You know what George, you are a yo-yo. And I will leave you hanging on like one. Besides, I never wanted to put any "boom-boom" in your heart in the first place. Sissy.
Posted by Rachel Lucas at 10:44 AM | permalink
October 07, 2004
whittle-anche
You know, like Instalanche but from Bill Whittle instead. Anyway that's what my blog is having, because Bill has unleashed another bit of his brilliance.
I will brag: I've met Bill in person. And it sucks to be you if you have not had that pleasure. The man is so smart that it hurts. This country is lucky to have such people as Bill Whittle in it. Go. Read. Now.
And a quick word of bitchery from me about some current news items:
Flu shot shortage
If you won't likely die as a result of catching the flu, then would ya back off and let the elderly and sick people have the vaccine? Please? Every dose given to someone like me is a dose that can't be given to someone like my Grandma. Let's be reasonable here.
John Edwards being a dillwad
Me to John Edwards, dillwad:
"Hey Dillwad?
Shut your piehole.
Dill.
Wad."
I was going to do more but you know what, my right hand is about to fall off of my arm from all the typing and mousing I've been engaging in this week for work. So I suck, as usual. But look at the bright side, at least I'm not posting pictures of Sunny pooping in the back yard. I have such pictures, you know. She poops where I can see her, every day, and as you know I keep my camera handy. It is my belief that she knows this, and has been pooping in a particuarly conspicuous manner lately in an effort to get me to post a pic of her performance and make a rude comment about Teresa Heinz Kerry for the caption.
Posted by Rachel Lucas at 03:52 PM | permalink
