The sun is shining after 7 days of rain and gloom.
AND ITS FRIDAY! No plans this weekend, except RELAX.

Cant wait for tomorrow. sleeping in . i will eat oatmeal.

Its been raining since Friday. I so need a day off. I think im going to take Nov 1st and 2nd off for my mental health days. Im not deprssed as you would think because of the rain.
I decided i want to by a truck, i just cant until I pay off the car I've got, not until Fall of 2006. Good lord.

Ive been in a good mood, Walked today, after a 2 day break. I see changes in my body already. Time goes by so damn fast. October the 19 already. Halloween around the corner.
I want to Scare kids when they come trick or treating. he he he. I think a werewolf would be good. Not much else to report, paying the bills, going to work. Looking forward to some time off soon. My birthday coimng up in a month.
Thanksgiving is a little over a month away, dont know what im doing, i think a friend and i went to CoCo's last year, that was actually fun. I know i dont want to travel, i hate to feel I have to do something just because the rest of the country is.
I may go up north to see my sister, I dunno.

I hate my job and the Witches that roam the halls.
They need to die.

Ive been pretty good. walking everyday for two weeks. my body feels different. I going to get new walking shoes. Pomona Swap meet this weekend. WOO HOO!

http://www.pomonaswapmeet.com/

Rules are simple.
1) Pick a song. It's more fun if you pick a song that you really love, a song whose lyrics you, or people you know, take too seriously.
2) Google the lyrics for it.
3) Go to http://babelfish.altavista.com and translate the lyrics to the song into a language you don't speak.
4) Cut and paste the results of said translation BACK into the Translate window, and translate it back into English.
5) Post the results of that in your LJ, and enjoy the hilarity!


This is Let it be by the beatles. translated to japanese and back again.

When I by my of the mother Mary's of trouble find time, the fact that intelligence you speak that that it tries is word in me it comes and the word my truth which she speaks to my time of the darkness it is that that it tries to have intelligence before stands it can allot, to be do, it is, do to permit that it is, does to permit that that in order to have the word of whisper of a certain intelligence, does to do that permits being answering when the HEARTED people who and have lived in the world and are broken agree in order to have that, it did them of for the sake of However perhaps, is divided, that it tries to have the chance that you look at that it is that it tries to have a still certain answering can obtain...... it is that it tries to have that it tries to have answering when and the night having become cloudy, my shine and the coming shine to tomorrow and to come as for me who still have the light/write which that makes the way that it awakes in sound of the music mother where that that it tries is the word which Mary intelligence speaks to me comes can allot, do to be... do that it is that answering It is that it makes a certain way

happy coming out day, --- at work ( i work at a college) the office of student services put up posters stating that if you are friends of or if you are gay to wear a red shirt. So im wearing my red shirt and walking into the builiding , i swear, i saw some guy snickering, now i could just be paranoid, but i think he was. I hate the way we gay people are treated, i know i am oversensitive, but i will keep being out as i feel comfortable with, some days im admiiiedly more out than others, I've had a rainbow smiley face on my car for a year now.
Peace to all my brothers and sisters.
Also i cried this morning when i heard Christopher Reeves died.
Only the good die young, so I'll live forever.

ADULT SENSORY QUESTIONNAIRE (ASQ)

(Kinnealey and Oliver, © 2002)

Circle the item as T – true or F – False as it applies to you.




1. T F

I am sensitive and get bothered by smells that don’t seem to bother other people.

2. T F


I am sensitive or bothered by sounds that don’t seem to bother other people.

3. T F


I am bothered by looking down a long flight of stairs or going down an escalator.

4. T F


I get car sick.

5. T F


I am sensitive to movement. I get dizzy very easily.

6. T F


I am sensitive to and bothered by lights/contrasts/reflections or objects close to my face (that don’t seem to bother others).

7. T F


I am bothered by some food textures in my mouth (or I avoid them).

8. T F


It bothers me to be barefoot on grass or sand.

9. T F


I am bothered by tags and labels in my clothes (or I remove them).

10. T F


I am bothered by turtleneck shirts, tight fitting clothes, elastic, nylons, or synthetic material in clothes (any of the above).

11. T F


I am bothered by the feeling of jewelry (or I never wear it because of this).

12. T F


I am very aware that certain parts of my body are very sensitive.

13. T F


I avoid putting creams and lotions on my skin because of how it feels.

14. T F


I have a sensitive scalp.

15. T F


I do not like being in crowded areas such as elevators, malls, subways, crowded shops or bars (or I never put myself in these situations).

16. T F


Growing up, I did not like to be hugged (except by my mother).

17. T F


I am often uncomfortable with physical intimacy because touching bothers me.

18. T F


I feel bothered when someone touches me from behind or unexpectedly, or stands too close.

19. T F


I was very active as a child (or I am now).

20. T F


I have mood swings more than other people.

21. T F


I do not go to sleep easily and wake up easily and/or I don’t sleep between 6 and 8 hours each night.

22. T F


I consider myself to be anxious.

23. T F


I feel I must mentally prepare myself for situations in which people are apt to touch me.

24. T F


It is important for me to be in control and know what to expect.

25. T F


I am perfectionistic, or compulsive.

26. T F


I avoid if at all possible, situations in which my senses will be stressed.

____________ Total Score (count up the number of “Trues”)

Scoring: > 10 = definite sensory defensiveness

6 – 10 = moderate sensory defensiveness

< 6 = not sensory defensive

Below is a list of other behaviors exibited by children with SID/DSI:
Loves to spin, swing and jump--this will seem to calm them down after several minutes.
Complains of how clothing feels, does not like tags left in their clothing and have to have their socks on just so, or a certain kind of sock.
Picky eaters--get stuck on one certain food and is basically impossible to get them to eat anything else.
Oversensitivity to smells. Or undersensitivity--may sniff people, objects, food.
Oversensitivity to sounds--will frequently cover ears. Or undersensivity.
May have an exceptionally high pain tolerance
May tire easily
Unusually high or low activity level
Resists new situations
Problems with muscle tone, coordination, motor planning
Can be very impulsive or distractible.
Persistently walks on toes to avoid sensory input from the bottom of the feet. This can also be a sign of cerebral palsy if the child is unable to bring their feet down flat when asked or trying.
These are just a few of the symptoms that children with SID/DSI can exibit.

Ha-Ha! Well now we call this the act of mating
But there are several other very important differences
Between human beings and animals that you should know about

I’d appreciate your input

Sweat baby, sweat baby, sex is a Texas drout
me and you do the kind of stuff that only Prince would sing about
So put you hands down my pants and I’ll bet you'll feel nuts
Yes I'm Siskel yes I'm Ebert and you’re getting two thumbs up
You’ve had enough of two hand touch you want it rough you’re out of bounds
I want you smothered want you covered like my Waffle House hashbrowns
Come quicker than FedEx never reach an apex just like Coca Cola stock you are
incline
To make me rise an hour early just like Daylight Savings Time

Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Get horny now

Love the kind you clean up with a mop and bucket
Like the lost catacombs of Egypt only God knows where we stuck it
Hieroglyphics? Let me be specific, I wanna be down in your South Seas
But I got this notion that the motion of your ocean means “Small Craft
Advisory”
So if I capzise on your thigh high tide B-5 you sunk my battleship
Please turn me on I'm Mister Coffee with an automatic drip
So show me yours, I'll show you mine “tool time” you'll Love just like
Lyle
And then we do it doggy style so we can watch “X-files”

Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Get horny now

You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Do it again now
You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Get horny now

Monroes - What Do All The People Know Lyrics
You know I told you once tonight,
That you could always speak your mind.
You work so hard to say what's right.
I watch you do it all the time.

And when I called you on the phone,
You said that I could be the one,
But here I'm standing all alone,
And you're out lying in the sun.

Tell me, am I getting in too deep?
Every night I'm talking in my sleep.
Lately I am so confused.
I really don't know what to do.

Could you be the one I'm thinking of?
Could you be the girl I really love?
All the people tell me so,
But what do all the people know?

You know I told you once tonight,
That you could always speak your mind.
You work so hard to say what's right.
I watch you do it all the time.

And when I called you on the phone,
You said that I could be the one,
But here I'm standing all alone,
And you're out lying in the sun.

Tell me, am I getting in too deep?
Every night I'm talking in my sleep.
Lately we're just holding on,
To something that will soon be gone.

Could you be the one I'm thinking of?
Could you be the girl I really love?
All the people tell me so,
But what do all the people know?

Do you think I'm blind to what you do?
Do you think I really care for you?
Or is it just another game that you and I pretend to play?
Do you think we both should let it show?
Do you think we both should let it go?
Or is it just another game that you and I pretend to play?

Tell me, am I getting in too deep?
Every night I'm talking in my sleep.
Lately I am so confused.
I really don't know what to do.

Could you be the one I'm thinking of?
Could you be the girl I really love?
All the people tell me so,
But what do all the people know?

All the people tell me so,
But what do all the people know?
All the people tell me so,
But what do all the people know?

Time goes by so damn fast. I went to an Adult Children of Alcoholics meeting last Sunday. It was wierd. There were 7 people including myself. 4 were out of their minds, seriously mentally Ill. If anything i realized i dont have it so bad after all. I have been working hard these past two years to get out of debt. I have been working hard to make new friends and get rid of old ones that were mean or abusive. I ended a five year friendship with a couple last November. Ive been doing good. Im apprehensive, but im doing good. I dont think i will make the deadline for the latinos writers workshop, its just too scary, and i dont have enough material. I need 5 minutes of videotape of myself, and i would need to film it tonight, to get it in by Tuesday. ive just procrastinated, too much and i just dont want to do it. Im ok with that, well im NOT ok with that, but i accept my decision not to put pressure on myself to perform. I dont feel ready. Ugh.
I need to not beat myself up over it. Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda, but didnt.
I really am like a teenager sometimes, i have to learn i need to parent myself, make myself do the right thing. I just want to be happy. Its difficult to accept the fact that ive created this reality for myself. The job i have, where i live, the financial obligations i have- my choices, i have to live with them, or change them, and not be so afraid.
I dont know what happenned to me, I was, well different, outgoing, not shy. Did i grow up? or get scared of being hurt so much I retreated? I think i liked the old , bold me better. But somehow i think i didnt care about others feelings as much. im wierd to i guess.

i wont stop procrastinating. I have so much to do and I start bits of it, then i get on the internet , or watch tv, or procrastinate some other way. I think im going to an Adult Children of Alcohlics meeting on Sunday. I have some of the Characteristics. i feel i need help outside of myself.

The following are some of the characteristics, agreed upon
by one Alanon-Acoa group, that result in problems in our lives.

a. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures;

b. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process;

c. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism;

d. We either become alcoholics, marry them, or both, or find another
compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick
abandonment needs;

e. We live life from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by
that weakness in our love and friendship relations;

f. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier
for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. This enables
us not to look too closely at our faults, etc.

g. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of
giving in to others;

h. We became addicted to excitement;

i. We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity"
and "rescue";

j. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have
lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts
so much; (DENIAL)

k. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem;

l. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and
will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience
painful abandonment feelings which we received from living
with sick people who were never there emotionally for us;

m. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took
on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up
the drink;

n. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.

Ive been walking ever morning for an hour all week, well since tuesday, today will make day 4. i had a rough time yesterday. im looking forward to today. Friday is my favorite day of the week. im having a long weekend next weekend...not sure where im going...Palm Springs or san diego, I just need sometime to myself, the house will be busy with my landladys sons wedding guests. I dont like to be around chaos, which doesnt explain why im at my current job.
fall is here, winter, cold, well as cold as Southern California gets. My body truly does feel like it wants to hiberanate, or go back in a coccoon. the Chrysalis signifies change , metamorphosis. Always a melancholy time for me...yet feels like home, familiar. I'm a winter baby.

Could be Who knows? There's something due any day I will know right away Soon as
it shows It may come cannonballin' down through the sky Gleam in its eye Bright
as a rose! Who knows? It's only just out of reach Down the block, on a beach
Under a tree I got a feeling there's a miracle due Gonna come true Coming to me
Could it be? Yes it could Something's coming Something good If I can wait
Something's coming I don't know what it is But it is Gonna be great! With a
click With a shock Phone'll jingle Door'll knock Open the latch! Something's
coming, don't know when But it's soon Catch the moon One handed catch Around
the corner Or whistling down the river Come on - deliver To me Will it be? Yes
it will Maybe just by holding still It'll be there! Come on, something, come on
in Don't be shy Meet a guy Pull up a chair The air is hummin' And something
great is coming Who knows It's only just Out of reach Down the block, on a
beach Maybe tonight Maybe tonight...

Im angry again, i really should write more when im happy,im so moody, and petulant.
i dont like it when things dont go my way, which is most of my life. Dammnit.

i power walked yesterday and today. the full moon hardly affected me.
endorphins are wonderful things

* There isnt enough time or energy to write.
I use Live Journal to vent my frustration.
im just pissed at the world it seems. i have some sort of mental block,
ive been writing that i need to go into therapy, maybe i should.

i feel like i cant do anything right now. Im tired, i have alot to do at work, but dont want to do it. I dont want to be here. I may come in on saturday =, just so i wont have people bugging me.
argh. i need time off, but i feel like im abandoning the job, so much to do. Maybe next weekend, i dont know why i cant pick up the phone to make a hair appointment. It has to be the perfect place, i have to be perfect. God i need therapy or a 12 step program or something.

I like making icons in photoshop.
Oh well, im tired, i feel happy kinda, careful, im sooooo glad its thursday tomorrow. cuz the weekend is around the corner. I need a weekend trip...just to get away, either that or splurge on something. ay ay ay, i want so much, i want everything to be the way i want it to be, acceptance is a difficult thing for me. Today I accept thing as they are be in the universe. and the only thing I can change is me and my attitude.