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Friday, August 1st, 2003
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5:51 am - IcE cReAm
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This is for someone very special to me.. u should kno who u are.. i love you soo much...
If ever you need me,
I'll be right here,
To chase away the sadness,
And wipe away a tear.
If ever you need me,
I'll be two steps behind,
To follow in your footsteps,
And hear what's on your mind.
If ever you need me,
You'll never have to fear,
That your presence isn't important,
And your love isn't dear.
If ever you need me,
I'll always be around,
To bring back the laughter,
Where deep in your heart it's found.
You'll never have to worry,
For I'll always be here,
To chase away the sadness,
And wipe away a tear.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: dont wanna try
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Sunday, July 20th, 2003
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5:28 pm - GOOD CONVO W/ MELLY N MUSTANG
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Me and Melody actually had a good convo! :-D BOmb. Mustang + no fights w/ melly... LIFE IS FUCKING GOOD.
CONVO--5:30PM JULY 20, 2003
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: hey can i get my twix shirt back?
DReAmEr1o9: your trix shirt
DReAmEr1o9: yeah
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: do i have anything else there?
DReAmEr1o9: I dunno everything is packed
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: i know i have my sweaters but if u like em you can keep em
DReAmEr1o9: if you do you'll get it back
DReAmEr1o9: thanks.. you can keep my hoodies n my shirt if you want em cause I know you like them
DReAmEr1o9: you can keep my blankie too just be nice to it okay
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: i promise i will
DReAmEr1o9: okay
DReAmEr1o9:
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: im forever wearing your old navy hoodie
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: :-D
DReAmEr1o9: yeah.. I knew you liked that
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: :-)
DReAmEr1o9:
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Remember when i came and saw you at McDonalds that first time?
DReAmEr1o9: ya
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: You looked wicked cute in it, i was so happy when u gave it to me. lol
DReAmEr1o9:
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: ;-)
DReAmEr1o9: lol`
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: hey you
DReAmEr1o9: yeah
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: i'm sorry for hurting you and all the bad shit i said to you.. i was just pissed off
DReAmEr1o9: I know it's all good.. me too
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Awesome
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: I know you prolly don't care but guess what i got to do today???!!?
DReAmEr1o9: what
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: I SAT IN A 2002 WHITE CONVERTABLE MUSTANG.
DReAmEr1o9: lol.. oh yeah.. I bet that was pretty freakin awsome
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: yeah my dad made me
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: I was practically drooling over it, and he opened it and told me to sit in it.
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: :-D
DReAmEr1o9: that's okay I got to sit in a 67 orange camero
DReAmEr1o9: and I got to start it ..
DReAmEr1o9: lol
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: AWESOME!
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: I know how much you love orange. hehe
DReAmEr1o9: pretty cool.. I bet you were lovin that
DReAmEr1o9: lol
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Hell yea
DReAmEr1o9: it has black racing stripes it's wicked nice
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Were making a deal w/ the guys there. I'm getting one!!!
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: :-D
DReAmEr1o9: wow.. that's wicked awsome.. just be careful
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Were going to put all my checks in the bank and give it to FORD.
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: I promised you that i would have one before i was 20
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: lol
DReAmEr1o9: lol..
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Even though were not on good term's when i get it, can i come and show you??
DReAmEr1o9: yeah.. sumtime
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: You know imma be driving around everywhere and showing ppl i barely know.
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: sounds good to me :-)
DReAmEr1o9: yeah I know
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: lol im just that stupid
DReAmEr1o9: lol
DReAmEr1o9: well I'm outta here.. imma go eat chicken n rice
DReAmEr1o9: be good n I'll talk to you sum time
DReAmEr1o9: good luck wtih the car
DReAmEr1o9: lata
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: thankd
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: ack.
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: Thanks* take care of yourself
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: had to write mustang a thousand times in my journal.. lol
DReAmEr1o9: you too
DReAmEr1o9: lol
BLUeYdPSyChOGRrL: i will.. thanks hun
DReAmEr1o9 signed off at 5:27:02 PM.
current mood:  excited
current music: It rains diamonds
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(Make Me Cry)
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12:17 am
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Whats up world? Nothing much here. I'm rather depressed tonight. Some things were bothering me, so i chugged down some straight vodka. I don't know what's wrong w/ me, but some ppl made me depressed tonight. It's not their fault, it's my own. :( I've been thinking about a lot of shit Danda, Mel, an Sarah A said about me, and i don't really care about what else was said cept the shit from Sarah. I NEVER did anything wrong to her. I was always there for her, she had NO problems taking 20 bucks from my mother every week, and i even offered to give her money to pay off her car insurance, and i didn't care how much it was, or even when she was going to pay me back. I was just being a friend. no matter what, then soon as Me and Mel fight she starts hating on me too. Good times! Fucking stupid. I think it's kinda amusing how Mel thinks i just randomly wrote stuff in my journal. I wrote it cuz i was upset about her giving Beth my engagment ring, and breaking every promise that she ever made to me. But she'll never sit down and have a mature conversation, as long as everyone is around her, coaching her on to be mean to me. That's fine. I can deal w/o Melody in my life. I did it for two years, and then she didn't even hurt me. We just stopped talking because of Caitlin. Now she's hurt me worse than anyone ever has, so i can deal w/o her for the rest of my life. I'm never gonna go back to her, i'm never gonna be her friend. She hit me where it count's. I swear to god, that this is the last time she makes me cry. And as of Danda. I think she's doing this because Mel's doing it, and obviously it's the "cool" thing to do. I never did SHIT to Danda. NEVER. I would always stick up for her. I still hung around her after her and phil broke up. It's just ridiculous. I guess you learn the hard way who your real friends are.
I bought Green Book from Twiztid, and The Wraith from ICP, because all of my CDs got stolen out of Steve's car when it was outside of the old apartment. FUCKIN NEW BEDFORD. lol.
I'm also wicked stressed out. I have so much shit to do. I think im on a mental over-load. It's alright though. I have my friends. erm. I'm so depressed right now. ugh.
I saw Liz kotak. The cute kid. And Peter at Dunkies. I haven't seen Jon there. Maybe he hates me too. I don't know. Whatever floats his boat. I just want him to be happy. Thats all that matters to me.
I met this guy John. He's really cool. I gave him my number. Were gonna talk more now. :) He's awesome. He see's things in the same perspective as me. I don't think im going to get into anything w/ him for awhile because i've been pretty burnt by Mel, i just need to lie low for awhile. I know it's been two month's that we've been broken up, but i just need more time. I'm not ready for anything. I need to mend my heart. I dont know. I also have to sit down and think who my real friends are. I'm glad that my party is in a week, so i can hang out w/ all my friends. I havent done that in a long time. I miss everyone.
I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW FOR PAUL DEVER.
I know i'm going to get blamed for something that was written on Danda's journal, but that's cool, i didn't write it, but might as well have right? LOL. Love when ppl point finger's with absolutely no evidence right?
I thought getting a lot of stuff out would make me feel better, but it's didn't. I'm still rather depressed, so imma go now. And lie down. GOodnight everyone. Sweetdreams.
current mood:  confused
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(2 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2003
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6:15 am
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I HATE STUPID CHEATING LYING WHORES.
current mood:  bitchy
current music: dont fucking stay bitch
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2003
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6:39 pm
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IM LISTENING TO ICP!!! BECAUSE THEY FUCKIN ROCK MY ASS!!!!!!
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Sunday, July 6th, 2003
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12:56 pm - mmm strawberry coolatta!! :)
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4TH OF JULY SUCKED. I wish i could do it over again and i would have rathered not seeing some ppl. But i'm not going to waste MY time living in regret, thats the worse emotion in my eyes. But anyway. These past couple of days have been fucking awesome.. :) :) Last night was wicked good.. It was wicked hott out during the day yesterday but we had to go cash Lindsey's check so we had to go out in this nasty heat.. And LUCKILY bonnie's ac didnt work. Just in time. Awesome! ;) We went to the mall and found things Lindsey could get for Steve for there 1 month. We found some pretty cool stuff.. :) :) Then we went into the car "i cant beleive we broke a sweat just going to the car" I thought we all were gonna die.. Then we decided to rent "how to lose a guy in 10 days" bonnie didnt want to drive no mo so i did. DId i mention im such a bitch in the heat, i was yelling and beeping at everyone.. even ppl that didnt do anything wrong.. they just didnt turn fast enough for me.. lol :) Then we came back and watched the movie and waited for steve to get here to get lindsey, we watched "how to lose a guy in 10 days" for the second time and me and bonnie fell asleep, i only slept for maybe an hour. Then i got up and was doing things, and then Melissa called me, i was kinda suprised because the day before she was starting shit with me, ya know. But she asked to come over so she did and we talked for a litle while then she lef t and me an bonnie and jamie left and went to dunkies and met up with bruce, and then jon showed up. :)
Jon kidnapped my moms phone and took off, so we took off after him, and we kept hiding in parkin lots and shit, and it was sooo fuckign scary.. Bonnie shut off her head lights and she saw jons car in the reflection of her glasses, and i was like what thef uck.. lol it was so funny.. we did parking lot hopping for like 40 minutes.. TOO BAD JON NEVER FOUND MY HIDING SPOTS..biiiiyyaaattcchhh. lol it was soo much fun.. i ended up having to sneak in at 4am, lol, luckily im the shit, cuz i did. NO ONE KNEW. lol. My mom didnt even think i left..lol.. good times good times.. im having so much fun with my life.. MISS INDEPENDENT LIKE WHAT..lol.. i got new pants.. they have pink stars on em.. awesome huh? hehe woop woop. I got bonnie to say woop woop and mo and fuck ya motha.. lol .. good times.. alrighty
I LOVE THE MOVIE HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN 10 DAYS. I have been watching that all day and night. :)
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love bonnie.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love Lindsey.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love Steve.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love *jon*
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love bruce.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love **VICKIE**. <3<3
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love me.
I love everyone else thast doesnt suck at life. =)
current mood:  crazy
current music: miss independent...
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(4 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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| Tuesday, July 1st, 2003
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11:13 am - I CANT FEEL MY FACE
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I just got back from my surgery. I can't feel my face. My mouth is still bleeding, :( I can't ev en walk straight. I'm a little wobbalie.
it's bad. Real bad.
SOMEONE COME AND LOVE ME.
current mood:  groggy
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(8 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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8:15 am
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| Tuesday, May 7th, 2002
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3:50 pm
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Hey Everyone. A lot of shitty things have been happening to me. My parents and sister turned on me this weekend because i have a black boyfriend. I mean what is so wrong with that. They arent talking to me and im fucken grounded, what the shit is that? I mean really, im gonna be 18 in 2 months. They cant and wont have that much say in what i do. After graduation im dying my whole head pink, and on my bday im getting my tongue peirced. Fuck my family, i mean they dont really love me, now do they? My dad came straight out and said hed rather me be miserable then be with Tory. TORY DID NOTHIGN WRONG its not his fault hes black. Fuck this family.
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Friday, May 3rd, 2002
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1:18 pm - hello.
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Hey Everyone. Long time no see. Im going to go back to this journal because im sick of my old one. Anyways. How is everyone? Good i hope. I will be working on adding some new people on here that are on my old one that dont know about his journal cuz i do have some decent friends out there, that i could never forget about.
current mood:  bored
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Thursday, June 28th, 2001
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9:09 pm - Another one..
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Eric called me earlier.. he got into another car accident and his head went through a window.. *sighs* he's gonna end up killing himself..
current mood:  depressed
current music: *the sound of IM's.*
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(Make Me Cry)
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4:12 pm - YipppEEEEE
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I FoUnD wHaT cOlLeGe Im GoNnA gO tO.
ItS iN SaNtA mOnIcA, cALiFoRnIa.
:O/
current mood:  happy
current music: Guns n roses
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(1 Broken Heart | Make Me Cry)
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1:58 pm
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It's been awhile since i've written in here. I don't even know where to start off. Last day of school. Hrrm. Well, Cory, Kt, Jamie, Manson, and Dan, all left at like 11.
We went to the mall. Jamie wanted to go home, so we came here. Everyone looked at what we did to the room. Me and Sara laid across my bed and talked about her mom.
I don't know if she's still going to California or not, who knows :O/
I stayed at home. They all went off. I've been told that Dan and Sara kissed in the back of Cory's truck and whatnot. :O/
Found out my good friend Eric got into a really bad car accident. He got hit by a drunk driver going 75. He got flown to Mass General, He was near death. He was in the hospital for a couple weeks. He called me when he got out. He's in AA now, and he stopped smokin weed.
I called him the other day-- He was rollin' on E. He told me he loved me. I wonder if HE loves me, or if him bein' on E--makes him love me.
::sigh::
I'm grounded right now, because a bunch of us went to Lake Rico.
In Chris's car- Me, Jamie, Matt, and obviously chris.
Cory's car- Cory, Rachel, Dan, and Marley.
This guy wanted to race cory, so obviously cory did. Cory and him started. Cory was on the right side of the road. The other guy wasnt. There was an oncomming car, the other guy almost hit him. The car pulled over to us and asked what was going on and we said they were racing.
The car pulled into where we all were standing. He got out, he was the next thing down to a Statey.
So, some cruisers came. Jamie and Matt wanted to leave, but i didn't. I was NOT going to leave cory all in that mess. I've been best friends with him for 11 years, i'm not going to ditch him when something bad goes down.
To make a long story short, i didn't get home till like 1:30am.
Even if i got home a 12. I still would have been fucked because, Jamie's curfew is 11.
:O/ Because she's a year younger than me.
hm.
But, now me and Dan are fighting. Someone brought up a good point up. He shouldnt be a good friend if he's goin to let a girl get in the middle of us. Argh. Whatever. Me and him have issues.
Well, I'm gonna go now. I think i wrote enuff. I love you all.
current mood:  worried
current music: KoRn- Freak on a leash
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(2 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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| Thursday, June 21st, 2001
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5:05 pm - *fuck guys*
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Alright..i'm wicked pissed right now, and hurt.. guys suck sooo much.
My friend Jeff told me that he talked to Shane.
Jeff: How are you?
Shane: Shitty
Jeff: that sucks
Shane: well.. i broke up with tammy so actually im doing good
WTF !!! all i tried to do is make that boy happy.. he acts like i treated him like shit.
I'm about to give up on everyone and everything like that.
current mood: annoyed
current music: Disturbed
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(6 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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| Wednesday, June 20th, 2001
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3:56 pm - Hmph
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For those of you would don't know, or havent figured it out.
Shane and I broke up. :*O(
current mood: bitchy
current music: Papa roach- last resort
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(7 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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| Tuesday, June 19th, 2001
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9:55 pm - *hEhE*
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KyLAh Is WaY cUtEr!
current mood:  giddy
current music: i dunno..lol
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Sunday, June 17th, 2001
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11:32 pm - *random thoughts*
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Shane- I was kinda of paranoid bout losing him tonight, i dont know, everything was fine till Sara called, and it made me think i was losing him, she said "he'd rather not take your money, and not be able to spend a day with you".. that really kind of hurt my feelings, and i just got a wave of paranoia... then i talked to *KyLaH* She made me feel sooo much better, thanks babe..:) :) Now i can't stop smiling.
Kylah- I love that chick, she's wicked great, i wish i could take her pain away from her, because she has soo much of it, im glad she's finally happy with Jimmy, i hope they last a very long time because i know he makes her happy and vice versa.. :) :)
Andrea- that chick is the greatest, i love her to death, but she worries me sometimes, she another person that means the world to me, and i would do anything just to see her happy ya know??
Ash- I'm glad she's happy with who she's "with".. I hope everything goes good, she DESERVES to be happy with all the bullshit that goes around in her cute lil innocent head..i love hanging out with her, im always laughing its great.. :)
Paul- i feel bad for him, i wish things were easier for him, i feel bad i dont talk to him as much as i could, i just dont think he understands most of the things i beleive in.
Brookie+Matt- im glad they got back together, im glad everything is better, they are soo happy together, and thats all i really ever wanted for brookie..
Jess+Ed- i would hafta say they are the cutest couple next to me and shane of course, lol jk..
Damn, i really gotta stop babbling, i just want everyone out there thats reading this, and people that are not reading this, i love you sooo much, and im lucky to have a friend like you!!
take care of yourselves or i'll do it for you!! :) hehehe
current mood:  cheerful
current music: sister hazel
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(11 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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4:07 am - *aCk*
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I miss ShAnE, how could a person miss someone, as much as i miss him?
It's only been one FULL day, and i miss him like he's been away for three years.
What am i going to do when he goes to florida for the whole month of July?? :(
*pout*
I miss him soooo much!!
current mood: Missing somebody
current music: Sober: Tool
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Saturday, June 16th, 2001
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12:36 pm - :(
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DaNs MoM iS cOmMiNg To GeT hIm In A fEw MiNuTeS
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(
:(
current mood: sad
current music: *Whenever you call*
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(Make Me Cry)
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| Tuesday, June 12th, 2001
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11:21 pm - *GiGgLeS LiKe A LiTtLe ScHoOl GuRl*
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Today was sucky at school.. i didnt get to see ShAnE at his lunch because he came in late..n shtuff.. so i had to book it to class..
my day pretty much sucked.. i had been dismissed at 1:30 because i had a counseling appointment ... it was a good session.. we talked about ShAnE and we talked about AnDrEa.. it was pretty cool..
then i got out of it, my mom went spastic on me.. saying if i have any more sessions with her i'll can't get behind the wheel of a car and shit, and then she was mocking me about cutting.
I didn't talk to her in the car, at all, then when i got home, i fell asleep on the couch, the dss lady came and left.. i was still sleeping then i woke up around 6.. had some food.. and then i called ShAnE but his mummy was on the telly so i called him back later.. and i got a hold of him.. i asked him if he could leave and he said yup, so we went and picked him up..:) :) :)
We all came back here and watch the movies.. me and ShAnE cuddled on the couch.. AwW-nEsS.. :) :)
hehehe.. now, he's not here and i miss him..:(
current mood: giggly
current music: Nonpoint-what a day
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(5 Broken Hearts | Make Me Cry)
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awake